CHAPTER 38

"I don't like this, Luke," Leia confided in her brother as they returned to the medical ward.

Luke looked at his sister. "What are you talking about?"
"You know what," she retorted. "Emperor Vader. I'm not so sure I like the idea of giving him that much power."

"You didn't seem to have a problem with it earlier," Luke pointed out. "Why didn't you say something?"

Leia shrugged. "I don't know," she admitted. "I think I'm just trying to be sensitive to Mother. She believes in him, her trust is unwavering. I can't say the same thing, Luke. After all, it wasn't that long ago that he was Darth Vader; how can we be so sure that he won't slip back to the Dark Side when he has that much power in his grasp?"

Luke was silent as he considered his sister's words. No one could be sure of anything, not even Anakin himself. But action was needed, and their plan was as good as any, Luke reasoned.

"We need to have faith that he won't, Leia," he said at last. "I know you have had trouble trusting him; but there isn't time for doubts. If Father doesn't step in and take control, someone else will. Or the Alliance will move in and the fighting will escalate. This is the only way to ensure that the conflict is brought under control."

"Control?" Leia asked. "Control is the very issue I'm talking about, Luke! How can we be so certain that once he has control of the Empire he will graciously dole it out like he says? That much power would be a temptation to anyone, and we're not just talking about anyone, are we? We're talking about a Sith."

"A former Sith," Luke countered, growing frustrated with his sister's stubbornness. "He saved your life, Leia, after you tried to kill him. Doesn't that tell you something about him? Why are you so sure that he is not worthy of our trust?"

Leia sighed. "I'm not," she replied. "I'm just….it's just too soon, Luke. I haven't had a chance to accept that he's my father, and now you're asking me to put my trust in him as ruler of the galaxy. It's too much to expect, I can't do it!"

Luke said no more, for he saw his parents standing in the doorway behind Leia. Judging by the look on Anakin's face, he had heard Leia's vehement declaration.

"No one expects you to do anything beyond your means, Leia," Anakin said. She whirled around to see him, her face reddening.

"I…I didn't know you were there," she stammered.

"Obviously not," Anakin replied. I was a fool to think that she was beginning to accept me, he thought bitterly. "I'm sorry you feel this way, but I'm not sure what else I can do to earn your trust," he continued, walking into the medical ward. He turned and looked at his daughter. "But perhaps your antipathy towards me will work to our advantage."

Padmé frowned. "How?"

"Leia herself said there mustn't be any connection made between her and Luke and myself," Anakin explained. "No one will suspect that she is my daughter when she harbors such serious doubts of my trustworthiness."

Part of Leia felt badly; she had come a long way towards accepting Anakin as her father, but she would be lying if she said that she was comfortable with this plan. One thing she had learned about her father was that it was impossible to hide her feelings from him, so there seemed little point in trying.

"I'm sorry you still feel that way, Leia," Padmé said sadly. "But perhaps your father is right. You and Darth Vader have had a history of animosity; it wouldn't be believable if you were suddenly a supporter of his."

"Yes, I suppose it would," Leia concurred. She looked up at her father, hating the hurt look in his eyes. "The best way you can earn my trust is to let me give it willingly, and not force me into a situation where I have no choice."

Anakin frowned. "Is that what you think I'm doing?" he challenged.

"Well, yes," Leia retorted. "You are planning on declaring yourself emperor, and expecting that I can accept that without question. Given your history, you have to admit that this is a little much to ask."

"Believe me, Leia," Anakin replied hotly. "I have no expectations where you are concerned. Perhaps this was all a big mistake," he said, turning to his wife. "I've changed my mind. I want nothing to do with this plan. I wash my hands of it." He stormed out of the room without so much as a backwards glance.

Padmé closed her eyes and sighed deeply. Now what? She asked herself.

"I hope you're happy, Leia," Luke remarked angrily. "Why can't you just put your differences aside? Why can't you see that he is the best chance for mending the divisions in the galaxy?"

"Don't lecture me, Luke!" Leia retorted hotly. "You weren't the one who was subjected to his torture! You weren't the one whose home was destroyed in front of your very eyes! It's not so easy to forgive and forget when you've gone through the hell he has put me through!"

"Enough," Padmé said at last, stepping in. "No one is questioning your right to be angry about what Darth Vader put you through, Leia," she said, looking at her daughter. "And Luke, you have no right to question that," she added, addressing her son. "But you are not the only one who has suffered because of the actions of Darth Vader, Leia," she continued, turning back to her daughter. "I really thought you'd learned to accept him, but I guess I was wrong. I'm sorry, I wish there was something I could do to change your opinion of him, but I've done all I can, and so has he. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to see if I can salvage this situation before it's too late."

Padmé left her children at this point. She ran down the corridor after Anakin. "Anakin, wait!" she called as she saw him get onto the lift.

Anakin heard his wife calling him and stopped, holding the door open for her. Don't push me right now, Padmé, he thought to himself.

"Ani, you don't mean what you said back there," Padmé said as she joined him in the lift. "You're angry, understandably so, but..."

"Damn right I'm angry," he replied hotly. "She is too much, Padmé, too stubborn, too unyielding. I was foolish to ever think that she and I were growing closer. She will never forgive me for what I did to her; and perhaps she's right not to. Perhaps she's right; there's too much Darth Vader still within me to entrust me with that much power."

Padmé grew frustrated at her husband's negativism. Was he right? Was there still too much of Darth Vader lurking within him? Anakin Skywalker had never shown such doubt about himself; perhaps it was too soon, perhaps he needed more time…but there was no time...

"Listen to me, Anakin," Padmé said at last, using her best senatorial voice. "Obviously whatever transpired between you and our daughter was tremendously painful to her; otherwise she'd not have such difficulty putting it behind her. She has come a long way, however, in what I understand to be a very short time; you have to be patient with her. Getting angry with her isn't going to help her trust you."

Anakin listened to his wife, feeling resentful that she was taking Leia's side. Would she be so quick to defend her if she knew that Leia had tried to kill me? He wondered.

"I understand that she hates me," Anakin retorted. "And probably always will, no matter what I do. Are you telling me just to accept that?"

"Of course not!" Padmé replied in exasperation. "But you seem to think that she is unjustified in her distrust of you. Put yourself in her place; how would you feel?"

"I don't know, Padmé," he replied testily. "I've never had a father. And if I'd had one, I'm certain that I never would have tried to kill him, as my daughter has done."

"When did she do that??" Padmé asked. "I can't believe that…"
"No, you can't believe any wrong doing on her part, just mine, is that it?" he cut in angrily, turning away from her as the lift doors opened. Anakin strode down the corridor to his quarters, his wife following him. Neither of them said word until they reached his quarters.

"Anakin, calm down," Padmé said, becoming alarmed at his growing anger. "You must get past this anger; you're starting to scare me."

Anakin looked at his wife, suddenly feeling remorseful for lashing out at her the way he had. Why was it that the anger still came so quickly?

"I'm sorry," he said contritely. "You're the last person I should be taking this out on. It's just so damn frustrating, Padmé! I feel like…like I know what I need to do, but I'm not sure I can do it. I'm not sure I can be trusted to do it."

"Anakin, no one can tell you what to do," she replied. "No one knows what is in your heart. You have renounced the Dark Side; you have fought back against it, and won. Your son loves you, and accepts you. Your daughter will eventually do so as well; I love you, and want you back in my life, despite everything. But only you can forgive yourself, no one else can do that. And until you do, you will be forever questioning yourself, never fully trusting that you know what is right. You can't live like that, Ani. You will never be able to be emperor if you are always second guessing yourself."

"Then perhaps I should never have agreed to do it," he replied quietly, turning away from her again.

Padmé shook her head, her patience reaching an end.

"You listen to me, Anakin Skywalker," she said, her dark eyes flashing with emotion. "You are the only person who can put an end to the destructive conflict that has plagued the galaxy for the past 20 years; conflict that you have had a hand in. This is your opportunity to right the wrongs that you helped Palpatine perpetrate. You owe it to the galaxy to try, Ani! You owe it to your children to make this galaxy a better place, a safe and civilized place again. And you owe it to me; I have spent half my life in mourning for what we had, for what we lost because of that monster, Palpatine. We will never be able to get back those years, Anakin," she said, her voice starting to falter. "Never see our children grow up again, never hear their first words…" she put her hands in her face as the emotions overwhelmed her.

Anakin felt his heart aching as Padmé broke down. She had been so strong since they had been reunited; yet there was still so much pain that she carried, so much sadness for the lost years of Luke and Leia's childhood, and for his betrayal of her. He walked over to her and took her by the shoulders. "I'm so sorry," he said softly, pulling her close to him. "So sorry for everything."

Padmé resisted his embrace and pushed at him. "How could you, Ani??" she cried. "How could you think that I had betrayed you? That I had brought Obi-Wan to Mustafar to kill you?? I wouldn't betray you if it meant my own life!! And yet you believed I had! And if it weren't for Obi-Wan, you would have killed me!!" she cried, striking at him with her small fists. "You nearly did kill me, as well as our unborn children!! How could you?? How could you betray me like that??"

Anakin realized that this outburst was long over due, and so he let her vent, knowing that she had undoubtedly wanted to say these things to him for a long time. The trouble was, he had no answers for her burning questions. Looking back, it seemed inconceivable that he could have choked her, but he had. The fact that she was willing to resume a relationship with him at all was miraculous; he would be foolish to think that she did not harbor a lot of anger and pain because of what he had done to her on that terrible day.

And so he let her vent, let her strike away at him, knowing that she needed to get it out of her system, knowing that he deserved everyone of her words of accusation, every one of her blows. Finally she tired herself out, and simply looked up at him, her face streaked with tears. Anakin took her face in his hands and pressed his forehead to hers. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I will spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you, Padmé, I promise."

Padmé could only nod as she closed her eyes, feeling exhausted by the emotional catharsis she had just gone through. But when Anakin wrapped his arms around her this time, she did not resist, and melted into his embrace.

"I'll do it, Padmé," he said softly, brushing his lips against her hair. "For you, for our children, I will do it."

Padmé looked up at him and smiled. "I love you, Ani," she said softly.

Anakin smiled, taking strength in her love. "I love you," he replied, and bent to kiss her, to show her just how much.

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