CHAPTER 38: METAL RAIDERS

As the most famous fanfic One-True-Pairing of all time, Romeo and Juliet (which is, after all, simply an Elizabethan era high school AU of a Greek myth) would agree: every romance needs a couple of star-crossed lovers.

Of course the degree of difficulty that our young lovers must face varies from story to story. Do a teenaged CEO and an ex-pharaoh come from different enough worlds to count? What if the girl you have a crush on has a crush of her own on your almost-identical, almost-alter-ego? Is that a big enough barrier to qualify?

At first, all Romeo and Juliet had to face – like that once-popular Greek pair, Pyramus and Thisbe, before them – was a generations long family feud. As they later discovered, death is the ultimate in adverse stars.

Then again, this is Yu-Gi-Oh! where death is a much more elastic concept than even Shakespeare could ever have imagined.

KAIBA'S NARRATIVE

It was Yami's turn to sleep. I sat next to him, glad of the quiet. Solitude had always meant safety. If no one is by your side, then no one can stab you in the back. There was more to it of course. Like I'd told Mokuba once, I wasn't proud of everything I'd done on our race to the top. But I'd never shown the slightest sign of regret. Sitting here, I knew I'd been lying all those times when I'd said to myself that if I showed any remorse, it'd be just one more weapon for someone to use against me – or at least, I hadn't told the whole truth. If I cared what anyone thought of me… they'd just be one more person who'd walk away. Except Yami knew what I was, he had from the beginning, really. And he'd told me he loved me. I was glad he hadn't asked for an answer.

He'd said it again, just after we'd moved back to our campsite, just as he was falling asleep. His eyes had been half closed but I could still see them gleaming… the same glint that had accompanied each of his victories. I remembered him saying that every time he made love to me he felt like he'd won something precious… even here, in semi-darkness with Yami safely asleep, I had to fight the urge to duck my head and look away from him.

I don't know what Yami had seen in my averted face but he'd murmured sleepily, "I think you need to hear that as often as possible."

I'd been torn between annoyance at his assumption that I needed anything and bewilderment because I kind of didn't mind being told he loved me. Yami had smiled and added, "You have no idea how cute you look right now."

He'd fallen asleep before I could reply – not that I had one ready.

No one had ever said I was cute before.

I knew what the word "cute" meant or I thought I did: something contemptibly weak and easily dismissed. But in Yami's mouth, words seemed to have lost their familiar meanings.

"I just feel…" I said aloud. I paused, trying to sort out my thoughts. Then I stopped. There was nothing more to say. I just felt. That was the problem. I just felt raw all the time – as exposed as a newly picked scab. I hated it. It wasn't just Yami. That I could handle. I was even getting used to it. But there were all these others now… Yugi… Sugoroku. It didn't matter that I could trust them. They knew me, and I wanted someone to pay for that, preferably in blood. But they were my allies. No, my friends. That was the word they would have used.

I hit Sugoroku's summoning stone in frustration, sure the old man had gone home by now.

"How are you, son?" Sugoroku asked as he appeared in front of me. His arms were loosely crossed below his waist; his hands were tucked into his sleeves.

"I won." I paused and then repeated, "I won," hearing the words for the first time.

"Who were you fighting?" he asked.

"Myself," I answered.

He smiled. "That's always a victory worth celebrating."

"I figured you'd have gone home by now," I told him.

"Did you? No matter. It's pleasant to be here nonetheless." He was still smiling slightly. I wondered if he was remembering me stomping off.

"I didn't need you to wait up for me." I said curtly. I didn't want to tick the old guy off, exactly, but I couldn't resist trying to get him angry, trying to make him feel off balance, just to see if I could. As I was starting to suspect, it didn't work. He simply nodded in reply. It really was a bit like my dream.

When I'd started the night it had been business as usual, meeting power with power and to hell with the consequences. Yami had stopped me, had slowed me down enough to take a good look at the cards in my hand and realize: I could win – and I could do it without throwing away the person I was trying to become.

I still didn't get it. I didn't get why Sugoroku was here, why Yami had followed me, why he'd let me make love to him after watching me try my best to turn into the monster he'd defeated at Death-T. And the terrible uncertainty of it all made me want to retreat, even if it meant backing away from my future.

But duels and challenges exist so that we can test ourselves; the real battle is always within. I'd learned something tonight, something even an ignorant mutt like Jounouchi probably could have figured out in less time than it had taken me: I couldn't keep doing the same old shit and expect it to lead me anywhere new. I'd won tonight; I'd seen a little bit more of the road ahead. And I wasn't going to just walk it; I was going to march straight down the damn thing like there was no tomorrow.

"Why are you here?" I asked Sugoroku. This time I really wanted to know the answer.

"You ran off so suddenly. I was worried and I couldn't leave this spot to go after you. I was waiting, hoping you'd come back and summon me."

"Shouldn't you be asleep or something old man? Not that you've been any use, but when we get out, Yugi's not going to want…"

"To come visit me in the hospital?"

For the first time that I could remember I felt my face flush with shame, even though it made sense that Sugoroku hadn't forgotten. I refused to look away. Sugoroku had every right to throw Death-T in my face. I was surprised to see him look contrite, as if he was the one who'd designed a Death Simulation Chamber, not me.

"Once you wouldn't have blushed," he said.

"Does that make you happy?" I asked sarcastically.

"Yes," he answered.

Sugoroku sat down next to me. Yami was lying asleep on my other side. It felt surprisingly good. Sugoroku reached out and tentatively placed his hand on my shoulder.

"It's difficult, isn't it?" Sugoroku said.

"What is?"

"Figuring out the responsibilities of manhood."

"I've been a man for years," I snarled.

"So have I. That doesn't make it easy," he said mildly. I wasn't fooled. Like his grandson, he liked being gentle. That didn't mean he was weak.

"I never thought of you like that…" I muttered. "Like a father or something. I don't know why I dreamed that."

"It wasn't the first time you had that dream," he said.

"No."

There was another pause.

"I spent so much time planning my strategy for that chess game. And I never once considered what would happen afterwards, what it would be like," I said. "I would have made the same choice, even if I'd known, but maybe I would have been better prepared. I would have done a better job."

I recognized the look on Sugoroku's face from the family sitcoms everyone at the orphanage was so fond of watching. He had the same expression of forced patience that all the parents on all those shows had worn, as if it was something hospitals handed out along with a birth certificate. I'd always assumed that look was just another television lie.

"If you're going to get mad, just do it," I said. I'd been waiting for someone to get pissed off and walk away from me all night.

"I'm not mad," he said quickly.

"What, then?" I asked.

"You were ten, Kaiba."

"So what? Mokuba didn't need another kid to hang out with. He didn't even need a brother. He needed a father. And that's what I was going to be."

"He wasn't the only one," Sugoroku said.

I stared at him and shook my head. Sometimes Sugoroku was incomprehensible. Of course Mokuba hadn't been alone in needing a father. There'd been a whole orphanage full of boys wanting the same thing. Then it slowly dawned on me that Sugoroku was talking about me.

Sugoroku sighed. "If I could have one wish for you, it would be for you to learn you'd been a child. Even now, you haven't left your teenage years."

I frowned. "There's never been a shortage of people throwing my age in my face. My aunt and uncle tried to tell me I was too young to understand finance – like the word 'steal' was so hard to get; the orphanage tried to convince me that when I was older I'd know that leaving Mokuba was the right thing to do. Gozaburo…"

I stopped short, remembering how it felt to desperately try to stay awake long enough to finish each assignment, how I'd stand before him on one of his inevitable late night visits, trying to hide my growing agitation as I waited for him to give me permission to use the toilet. Even years later, I could still hear Gozaburo's voice saying, "You can't control anything. You can't keep from falling asleep, and if I make you stand here long enough, you won't even be able to keep from pissing all over yourself. You're nothing but a helpless child. I can do anything I want to you – or your brother – and no one will question me." I swallowed hard. Gozaburo was dead. I'd won. I'd be the one walking out of this world, not him.

I'd almost forgotten Sugoroku was sitting next to me until I caught him waiting for me to finish my sentence. "I heard people call me a child plenty," I said.

He nodded. "I'm sorry. You're right. I forgot. You have every reason to hate the word."

I exhaled a breath I hadn't been aware I was holding and realized: Sugoroku was a grubby, geriatric shopkeeper that I could beat in a duel with my eyes closed and the deck I'd played with when I was ten in my hands – and none of that mattered. I respected him. I wanted him to respect me. It wasn't because Yugi had earned my being polite to his relatives or because Yami would be disappointed if I did anything else – although both were true. It was just there. And so, it meant some undefinable something that Sugoroku hadn't started in on why I was wrong or how I needed to change. He'd understood; he'd even agreed.

"I never thought about that, either… what would have happened… you know… if someone else had adopted us," I mumbled, uncomfortably aware that for someone who could rattle off the specs of a business plan or the parameters of a project in his sleep, I was having a hard time forming complete sentences tonight.

"Kaiba Corporation would have continued making weapons. Many more people would have died," Sugoroku pointed out.

"Do you think that matters to the people who were killed by the weapons Gozaburo created from my designs?" I asked.

"No, but I imagine it matters a great deal to those who were able to go on living because of your actions afterwards. Life's never that simple. It never moves in a straight line."

"But it keeps moving forward. I'll continue to walk its path with what honor I can… and try to balance the scales of Kaiba Corporation's guilt," I said as formally as if I was announcing a new tournament.

Sugoroku nodded. "I have faith in you," he said. We sat there awkwardly for a moment. I glanced at Yami. One hand had wrapped itself around my leg.

"Damn," I said suddenly. "I guess Yugi had a point after all."

Sugoroku looked at me. It suddenly struck me of all the things I didn't understand I could get at least one – admittedly, totally irrelevant – mystery answered.

"Yugi said that this game was like the dress rehearsal for a dance recital. It was important to get things right here, but it was what we did outside that really mattered."

"Yugi said that?" Sugoroku said, smiling proudly.

"Yeah, but there was one thing that made no sense. Since when has Yugi ever been in a dance recital? I may not have lasted long at Domino High, but I was in a couple of gym classes with him. You can't make me believe he ever took a dance class in his life."

I couldn't believe it. The old geezer's eyes twinkled like he was some kind of demented Christmas elf. "Yugi's been very interested in dance, infatuated with it, really… oh, ever since he hit puberty," he said. The man actually giggled.

I glared at him. Sugoroku managed to get his chuckles under control.

"I'm sorry," he said, "but you'll have to ask Yugi about that when you see him. It's his secret, not mine."

His form started to flicker. I was sorry I'd limited the amount of time Non Player Characters could interact with us.

"When you get back, we'll have all the time you want," Sugoroku reminded me.

"When we get back, you won't need to check me out to make sure your grandson survives," I said. I wanted to see what he'd reply.

"You don't believe that's why I'm here."

"When we get back, I'll still be the person who tried to kill you," I added, needing to understand why that didn't seem to matter to him anymore.

"I think you haven't been that person for a while now… but you're the only one who can decide to let him go," he said softly.

When I'd run away from Sugoroku earlier, I'd tried to tell myself he couldn't have really been a part of my dream, that it was impossible. Now he echoed the words he'd said as he'd held me in my dream. "Whatever you decide, I'll be here. Now that I've met you, I'm not disappearing – and you can't make me," he said as he vanished.

PEGASUS' NARRATIVE

My timing, of course, was excellent. I arrived just as they'd completed the wiring on the fourth VR pod. They were arguing over who'd get to use it. Predictably, they all wanted to go. At least I didn't have to worry about the two salarymen. I'm sure they were just as gung-ho as the rest, but I'd seen Mokuba's instructions and they hadn't included running off to virtual worlds. However eager they were to rush to the Kaiba brothers' defense, I was sure they'd obey their commands to the letter.

"How nice to see you've completed it just in time for me," I drawled.

That got them to stop arguing and stare at me instead. I wasn't surprised. I was in a new suit, after all. Red, of course.

"You?" Jounouchi yelped. "We did all the work!"

"Yes. Thank you," I replied.

"Why you?" Honda asked.

"Why not me? I've uploaded cards they'll need if they are to make it back here alive – but I have to activate them, and I can only do that once I'm there."

"You fixed it so they can win?" Honda asked.

"No, of course not. I can only work within the parameters of the game itself or the entire virtual world could collapse – with your friends still inside of it." I laughed. "Do you think there's the slightest chance that Kaiba-boy would have set the game up so that a couple of cards could win it all? But I can and have uploaded new cards. Do any of you think you understand how they work as well as I do?" I paused briefly as I surveyed their petulant faces. "No, I didn't think so."

"That doesn't mean we're stupid enough to let you anywhere near them!" Jounouchi yelled. Hard as it was, I let the obvious come-back on our relative intelligence levels slide.

"This virtual reality world is based on Duel Monsters. Have you forgotten who invented the game?" I asked patiently.

"Kaiba did say once that Pegasus knew more about Duel Monsters than anyone – even him," Honda said grudgingly.

"I'm flattered," I answered. "Millennium Items are involved too – and I can claim some experience there as well."

One of the salarymen surprised me by speaking up. "No one is questioning your expertise. It's your motives that are suspect."

"Yeah! We all know you're as smart as you are crazy, but that doesn't make you trustworthy. You think we've forgotten about Duelist Kingdom and all the shit that went down there?" Jounouchi said.

I was glad I'd left Croquet at the office, but I had a security team on standby. If I called for them they'd be here in minutes, but I was sure that the salarymen had a small army at their disposal and the last thing I wanted was a pitched battle in the Kaiba Corporation computer lab. I glanced casually at the lead salaryman, the one who had spoken. I wished he'd take his sunglasses off so I could see his eyes. It seemed like Kaiba-boy had found a more loyal group that the ones I'd bribed to kidnap Mokuba and kill his older brother.

Of all the people here, my little apricot girl was the one most likely to believe that, despite our early encounters, I didn't mean her friends any harm. I'd bared my soul to her. That had to count for something. And she was – despite the deplorable strain of common sense that ran through her character – a romantic at heart. I looked at her. She was biting her lower lip, her nose was scrunched up. I wished I had the time to sketch such a perfect picture of doubt and confusion.

"Would you believe a solemn vow from me?" I asked her quietly.

Her brow furrowed further but she gave a quick nod. I smiled back, wanting to smooth the lines from her forehead.

"I swear by my hope of Cynthia, I will see the danger contained and your friends safely home."

"Hope of Cynthia? You still have hope?" my little apricot girl asked.

"When life is despair what else is left but hope?" I said. "Please trust me."

"I still don't like it," Jounouchi muttered.

"Believe me, I want them home just as badly as you do. I'd find them a trifle inconvenient otherwise. If you refuse – for admittedly perfectly valid reasons – to trust to my altruism, trust to my self-interest instead… a much better bet, I agree."

The salarymen were staring at Jounouchi and Honda who were glaring at me. I could only be grateful that the old man seemed to be minding the shop today. At this rate we'd be here all day. I sighed. Then two boys stopped scowling at me and looked at each other, undecided. Without his street thug bravado, Jounouchi's face looked as defenseless as a baby owl's.

They turned to my little apricot girl. Perhaps they were wiser than I'd given them credit for. They knew enough to turn, when in doubt, to the nearest, dearest woman in their lives to be their compass. I'd lost my Cynthia and drifted, directionless, ever since.

Anzu nodded at them. They nodded at each other, and then at me. It was like we were at some kind of bobble-head convention.

"Thank you," I said. I meant it. No one had ever given me a greater present.

There were just a couple of things I needed to do. I went to the VR pod and attached Mokuba's laptop.

"What gives?" Honda asked. He was quieter than his bellicose friend, but just as easily ruffled.

"Since we seem to be agreed that I'm going to be trying out your handiwork, I'm sure you won't mind if I check it out and run some routine diagnostics."

I had the access codes. I'd known this moment would come from the second they'd barged into my office lugging Mokuba's laptop. I drew in a breath. I'd been waiting a long time. My adjustments didn't take long. The boys hadn't even had time to become suspicious again when the computer, as annoying as Kaiba-boy himself, picked that moment to announce in its falsely feminine voice, "Changes to virtual reality pod confirmed… card activation process begun… information upload complete."

"There's something you're not telling us," Jounouchi announced, as if it wasn't obvious.

"Oodles and oodles of somethings, my little duelist."

"I'm worried for you," Anzu said.

"Don't be," I answered as gently as I could. "Some people simply can't be fettered by reality."

"Promise me you'll remember to come home," she said.

"You wound me. How could I forget something so easy? Don't worry. I know where my home is." I answered, relieved to see her smile.

I climbed into the VR pod. The transition to Kaiba's virtual world was smooth. I was standing in a field. It was green… welcoming. I breathed in the flower scented air. I had to give Kaiba-boy credit. From the moment we'd started working together I'd been impressed with the raw power of his holograms. He'd added polish since then.

I could sense someone arriving. I expected to see Cynthia dying before me, to hear her last breath, just as I heard it every day in the hiss of the tea kettle, in the soft whistle of the wind.

Instead I was staring at a boy. Under the ice green hair were not-quite familiar blue eyes – Prussian blue instead of cobalt. He was younger than my former protégé, too… young enough to be deceptively cute. I wondered if he'd ever seen Funny Bunny.

"Kaiba-boy?" I asked.

"The original," he replied proudly.

I remembered… when I'd researched the family… there had been a son named Noa. He'd been lost… such a curious word, "lost"… as if the dead have merely been misplaced.

"You startled me. I was expecting to see my wife," I told him.

"Here?" he asked, those deep blue eyes impossibly wide.

"Yes," I said.

"I'm sorry," he said.

I resisted the impulse to pat his head. I'd met Gozaburo Kaiba once, briefly. It had been enough to explain most of his adopted son's personality flaws. It was hard to believe this adorably solemn child was his.

"So the dead really can come back to life," I said, relieved. My trip hadn't been in vain.

"Not entirely. Not really," he said seriously.

"You're here," I pointed out.

"Not totally. You can't touch me. No one can. Ever since I got here. I can't even hold this form for too long."

I drew in a breath, worried. When I'd known Cynthia was going to die, I'd apparently hired the same team Gozaburo had and for the same purpose: to preserve the sum of everything that made her who she was in electronic code. I'd just uploaded it all here.

Now I had a new fear to face. Would Cynthia appear in front of me, but still be as far from me as in death? Would I bring her to life only to see her form flicker like a candle going out, only to see her disappear before I could grab her and hold her to me?

"It's different with my father and the others. They're solid," Noa said, unintentionally relieving my mind of that horrible moment of doubt. There was, as I'd told my little apricot girl, always hope. I'd find Cynthia. I remembered her telling me that she would give anything to stay with me. She would take this chance. She would be real and blessedly solid for me. I knew it. And the child in front of me had just confirmed it was possible. In gratitude, I started to take an interest in the boy.

"You look sturdy enough to me."

"At first I just wanted to fade away," he admitted.

"I'm here," I told him. "After that I have to believe anything's possible. That you could become solid enough to hug… that I can hold my wife in my arms once again. That we can have the life that her death cheated us of."

"It still won't be real," he said softly. I realized with a start that he was trying to protect me from disappointment. "As wonderful as this world is, all it is, is the illusion of life. Nothing more."

"When it's all you have left, illusions are everything," I answered.

I hadn't found Cynthia. But I felt closer to her all the same. I might not have seen her yet, but I could feel her smiling at me.

.

Thanks to Bnomiko for betaing this chapter.

AUTHOR'S NOTES: It's striking how personal Kaiba's duels are… he sees visions of both his own past and his past lives… he not only hallucinates, but his hallucinations insult him. Given how intensely personal his duels are it's not surprising that Kaiba, more than any other character, passionately believes that duels hold lessons on how he is to live his life. So I think his reaction to the challenge in the last chapter would be to try to decipher what meaning he can draw from it.

Originally the scene with Sugoroku was part of the last chapter because I wanted the scene that started with Kaiba's dream to come full circle and end with Kaiba in real life, just like in his dream, trying to prove to himself that Sugoroku both cares for and accepts him – and would do so even if they all weren't in this game.

Pegasus Note: It's funny… I think Pegasus genuinely likes Anzu in this story and that he found it comforting to talk to her about Cynthia. But I also think he's smart enough – and manipulative enough – to know that engaging her sympathies might come in handy. So even though I wrote the chapter I'm not sure where the line gets drawn between honest affection and self-interest – or if it's more a matter that this is one of those times when both can co-exist.

Review Note: I reply directly to all signed reviews. I post responses to unsigned reviews on my Live Journal account. The link is on my biopage. Anyone who wants to see a summary of all my responses can also check it out. Responses to the previous chapters will be posted when a new chapter is updated.

As always, comments would be adored…