I've been working on it for the past two months, and I haven't gotten as far as I'd like. –sigh- oh well. Uh . . . So I guess from now on, I'll do one-shot requests, and I'm going to start another fanfic soon titled 'Suicidal'. I feel like writing angst, but I'm not too sure I'll be good at it. Well, onto the story. Y'know, after the disclaimer.

Disclaimer: It is here, therefore, further typing is not required.

Chapter 37

Of Bitches, Weasels and Burnt Food
From the (genius?) mind of Electra Vesuvin/Featuring
The return of Yoshiro Sakura (everyone loves that psychotic neko, seriously)
ITACHI!!! (Is he good or bad? Will he live or die?)
The return of giant pieces of food randomly popping out (Which signals the return of Yoshie)
The return of me, because I haven't been updating recently. (Woot?)

"Who was the freakin' genius who decided to burn all the food?" I asked, very miffed.

" . . . "

"Who was it?" I raised my voice; no one wanted to face my wrath.

"Sasuke?" The shinobi flinched, a small, barely noticeable movement that you could only detect if you were a ninja who was looking for it.

"Hn."

"Sakura?"

"N-no . . ."

"Jugo?" The big man merely shrugged, unfazed by my anger.

"Karin?" I turned my gaze on the redhead who needed to be slapped.

"Uh, um, n-no . . . " She stuttered, recoiling and diverting her eyes.

"LIAR!!!" I shouted, throwing the burnt pack and the food in it at her face. I pointed at her. "YOU BURNT ALL OF OUR FOOD! WE'LL HAVE TO HUNT FOR OUR FOOD NOW!!!"

"S-So? It's not THAT much of a problem . . . "

"Well actually," Kira Misha started. "Hunting, skinning and cooking the meat will take lots of time off of our travel time. Time that we should use looking for Itachi." This was said pointedly. And on hearing about Itachi, Sasuke's cold glare turned on the girl who was about to be given a time out.

"Are you freakin' serious?" She blurted when I told her this. Karin looked at Sasuke, Suigetsu, anyone who would help her. Nothing. The Uchiha's hard stare forced her to face a tree and serve her time out. Oh yeah, I am badass. I bet you're jealous that you can't come up with a better, more demeaning punishment.

"I thought it was Suigetsu's stuff, I was getting back at-"

"Time out! TO THE TREE!!!"

'Tis here there'd be a time skip of when I go out hunting because some people like burning food . . . Hey, remember me?

"I'm wasting all my not-so-shiny-anymore, not-so-sharp-anymore weapons on flipping animals just so I can flipping eat!" I shouted, frustrated, slashing a rabbit and scaring off any other prey.

And then, I saw a shining beacon of light.

In a clearing.

And there was a . . . you guessed it, giant slice of pie. No, not pie. Cherry pie. And we all know who's somewhere around a general area when giant pieces of food randomly appear out of nowhere.

A arrow shot an unsuspected squirrel straight into the ear, leaving the furry, innocent, about to be eaten rodent dead. Not necessarily by the arrow, but by shock and fear. I faintly heard the quivering string of an arrow and looked up to see who was standing on the pie.

Yoshiro Sakura

Forget the rabbit and squirrel I caught while on hunting duty. We're eating a freaking Giant Cherry Pie that is worthy of italics and Proper Noun status.

Well, maybe not Karin, I'm sure she can skin and cook the game herself. After all, 'It's not THAT much of a problem'.

'Tis here there'd be a time skip in when Yoshie and I return to the campsite . . . Miss me? Not even a little bit?

Yoshie and I came back to the abandoned campsite and I couldn't help but think:

"Frick, they ditched me."

Or rather say out loud. A single note was clutched between Ryu's talons, who was left at the campsite in order to receive or deliver a message via mind connection in case the camp or I were attacked. But I guess there was bad reception in the area because instead of calling me with our weird spirit thing, he was left with a note.

From Asuka.

Found Itachi. Gone to kill him.

-Asuka

"Shoot! We've got to go, NOW!" She pulled me along and summoned Ashi, her usually not-here companion.

"Ashi, track!" She commanded.

"Stop treating me like I'm some stupid animal. I'm an Animal for Pete's sake," Ashi complained, making what I think is a reference to Wicked (Which still tops my favorite book list) and the animal/Animal thing.

"Ryu, take to the air and see if you can find them!" I told my companion, who was a mute Animal. I think. Hmmm . . . I'll have to ask him later, not that I can understand a darn word my own fridgin' companion says, which I can, thank you very much.

He cawed, or whatever you call the word for what peregrine falcons do, in obedient response.

I tossed my backpack and carry-on-s to Yoshie, who caught them, used to being the pack mule, and transformed into an Otterhound.

I was tracking Itachi, Itachi is a weasel, weasels are basically land otters . . . see the connection? Yeah, you see, therefore you cannot argue with my choice of dog. I sound like I'm going to eat a dog, not transform into one. I'm a freaking girl version of Beast Boy, I just noticed that. But I'm a whole lot awesomer than him.

I caught a slight whiff of Asuka and Sakura's shampoo. My sensitive nose searched out the trail and sticks crunched under my hardened paw pads. Yoshie didn't need to transform (she couldn't as far as I'm concerned. Oh gosh, maybe she was a shape-shifter like me and mid-way through a transformation she got stuck. That would SUCK if that happened to me) so she was sniffing the air and trees, in case they had decided to move via forest.

"I found the direct trail!" Yoshie gestured for me to follow. I found it too – it was a bit fresh, but fading, they'd been gone for an hour or so. Since there were only two of us – four if you count Ashi and Ryu – we were able to cover more ground. And since we were partially trained by Orochimaru, we were fast. Really fast. I'm talking Olympic-runners-think-we're-fast fast.

In less than thirty minutes, we reached most of the group.

Sasuke was gone and Suigetsu was facing off with blue face Kisame.

I don't recall meeting him, but when you see an image of the guy, it kind of sticks, y'know?

After all, he's BLUE.

It occurs to me that Itachi is really the only normal one . . .

What?! You don't believe me!?

Ahem . . .

Deidara. He has mouths in un-mouthly areas

Kisame. He's blue (you know that song? I'm blue da-bu-de da-bu-di da-bu-de da-bu-di) and a shark

Sasori. Puppet.

Zetsu. Aloe Vera. Venus Flytrap. Plant. Ying Yang. Bipolar (like me!).

Kakuzu. Thread things and mutiple hearts. Mr. Krabs syndrome (MONEY!!!).

Hidan. Grim Reaper wannabe with a potty mouth.

Mysterious Leader Person. Mysterious Leader Person.

Mysterious Leader Person's assistant. Mysterious Leader Person's assistant

Tobi. Non-Sasuke-ish and very Naruto-ish with an odd mask. Who KNOWS what's under there? Maybe he's partly mutant, or he's freakishly misshapen due to some unfortunate birth defect. Or he's an ALIEN that came to earth to study the inhabitants so it's easier to destroy us all in 2012!!!

Okay, I admit I went a little far with that one.

Ahem, anyways . . .

"Yoshie?" Sakura started at the sight of the neko.

"No time to explain! We have to go. NOW!" Sakura came after us, as well as the others, but were stopped when Kisame blocked them. He seemed irked that we got past him and were headed toward Itachi.

"Where's Asuka!?" I half shouted, breathing hard from running.

"Kisame let her pass through with Sasuke to fight Itachi, why?"

"I can't say right now, we have to kick it into high gear!" Yoshie answered. We ran as hard as we could, so hard that I was unable to transform, I couldn't focus my chakra as well. I just hoped there wasn't an ambush I wouldn't be able to fight off.

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Earlier that same day . . .

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"Itachi."

That one word stirred everyone, EVERYONE.

Suigetsu's water bottle stopped midway to his mouth and Asuka and Sasuke tensed almost immediately. Karin kind of panicked, but when Sasuke glanced at her, she tried to recover. Jugo's eyes narrowed in the slightest and Sakura looked at Kira Misha, as if to check to see if what she just said was correct.

"Let's go," Sasuke instructed, pulling his sister up by the wrist. She smiled and twisted sort of smile and challenged him.

"Last one to kill Itachi is a rotten egg." She took off without another word. Sasuke quickly caught up and Asuka said between breaths

"It's a race now, whoever can kill Itachi first."

The girl Uchiha took off, using so much chakra to make her faster that Sasuke could feel it against his legs as he raced after his sister, slowly catching up.

"I'll humor you. Whoever wins gets to choose some type of torture for the other person."

"You're on."

They both stopped suddenly, Sharingan spinning, scanning.

There.

They changed course and took to the trees.

Soon, they reached a room with a throne in it.

Itachi.

"Sasuke, Asuka, you're early," Their older brother taunted.

"Damn straight we are," Asuka snarled viciously, crouching down, muscles ready, ready to pounce.

"Now, now Suki-chan, watch your language. Okaa-san wouldn't be very happy with you," Itachi sneered.

"FUCK YOU!!! SHE'D CARE IF YOU HADN'T KILLED HER!!!" She screamed, lunging on him with her long sword drawn.

The sword plunged into his chest and Asuka's eyes were angry red and narrowed, losing all sense of control and turning to her primitive instincts.

"It's not you that I want, Asuka," Itachi's genjutsu swirled around her, even with her Sharingan, she was too blind to see it was an illusion. But seriously!? She wasn't important enough to be worth his time in the fight? What a bastard! "I want Sasuke's eyes."

That stopped Asuka in her tracks. She didn't need Sasuke to tell her to calm down, because in that instant of momentary confusion, her common sense came back to her. The girl Uchiha's posture relaxed and her doujutsu focused on her older brother.

Sasuke's lightning consumed Kusanagi pierced another Itachi through his stone throne and into his chest, missing his heart on purpose.

"Who is it?"

"What?"

"The third Uchiha survivor." Only Asuka really looked surprised, she had no idea. She straightened and walked towards them slowly.

"You don't have the Mangekyou Sharingan yet."

"I DO!!!" Asuka yelled.

"Then use your Mangekyou Sharingan on me. Or am I too strong for you?" Sasuke said.

"Hellooooo, I'm still here!"

"Confident, now aren't you?" Itachi smirked.

"Did you guys write a script and I'm not in the play?"

Zetsu's face poked out of the wall, watching the 3 siblings stand silently. They were all fighting with only genjutsu, well, except Asuka. The other two were ignoring her. And Asuka Uchiha does NOT appreciate being ignored.

"The Mangekyou . . . like all great jutsus, have its risks."

"The moment you get it, your sight starts to fail. The more you use it, the faster it loses it's light."

Sasuke looked at Asuka. He never noticed that she had worn contacts until now. He saw her eyes narrow as she received that bit of info.

"Let's end this."

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Short-ish, I know. Get over it. I'm working on a different non-fanfiction story at the moment, so my humor is being wasted on that. And contrary to common belief, I actually have a life now. Kind of. Therefore, slower updates, less humor, and a possible plot. Gasp.

Okay, question. I know this is a long story and only people who are really dedicated or that bored have gotten this far to be able to read what you are reading RIGHT NOW. So, should I kill Electra (NOOO!!! I IS IMMORTAL!!!) and just end the story, or attempt to continue? And well, there ARE other ways to end the story other than killing Electra (DON'T DO IT!!!).