Disclaimer: I do not own the Outsiders or the song "Kill Me".

A/N: Thank you all SO much for the reviews. I hope this update will show you my gratitude.

Deeper inside pull the wool nice and tight so that it covers your eyes. Can I get a God? A love? A Jesus? A father? I don't even care that much so why do I bother? Let me just say that I was gonna begin. Don't waste your time waiting cause I'm going back in. Now if I could just remember all the advice that my mother told me. And all the…and all the lost souls say:

"Good morning Tulsa, Oklahoma! It's a windy one out there. More rain in the forecast. Not a day to outside today, folks. Keep the kiddies inside. I don't know anyone who wants to be out in this mess today!"

"I thought Darry said you couldn't go?" Pony asks from the couch.

I gather up a handful of my laundry and throw it on the couch. I get my suitcase out of the hall closet and throw it down as well and start to fold up clothes. "He said I could just for two days so I'm not missing school except on Monday."

"So you're leaving today?"

I nod, throwing more socks into my bag. "Will you miss me?"

"No."

I smile. "Don't get into any trouble while I'm gone, you hear?"

"You're not the boss of me." He laughs as he walks past me and into the kitchen. "Just be careful, alright? You heard what Peter said about Dale. Just...keep an eye out, ok? You really don't know what he's like."

"You're only saying that 'cause I'm bringing your girl with me," I tease. "You know a lot about Dale, don't you?"

His head hangs and I know it's a touchy subject no one really wants to bring up. We've all been walking on egg shells lately when it comes to that problem. I'm not sure what he's told Soda and Darry, if anything.

I worry. I worry a lot. He's my brother, arguable my little brother, and he's talking to the guy who was a cold blooded killer. That just wasn't Pony.

"Pony," I call. "You be careful too, ok? Please."

"Alright, Dan." Somehow, I knew that was a too late of a conversation. "When are you leaving?"

I put the last bit of my clothes in my bag. Darry left the keys to the truck on the table. I still can't believe he's letting me take his car five hours away from him. "I have a few errands to run then I'm picking up Sarah."

He comes over to the side of the couch. He peers into my bag. "Like what?"

I shrug and stuff a blanket inside. "Pick up some matches, water...talk to Dally."

"Talk to Dally?" He jumps. "What for? Are you nuts?"

I haven't eaten all day. My stomach is in knots but I've packed all the food up that was in the house and Soda isn't going to be back with groceries until tonight. "I need to ask him something."

He sighs. "Danni-"

"It's important," I cut him off. I put my bag over my shoulder and go to find Darry's keys.

Pony follows me around the house, as I expected. "He's not going to give you an answer. You already know that. Why are you making it so hard for yourself?"

I slowly pick the keys up from the table. His words sting and it makes me pause before spilling what's bubbling inside of me, "Because Dally killed Sam for Dale, someone killed Michael, and now Dale's after me. This is my life. I'm going to fix this...and I'm going to start by getting some answers."

I can't see the look on his face because my back's still turned. I'd like to believe it's turned white, considering it's silent for a while. "Dally's...Dally's at work. He works on Saturdays," he stutters out.

"Dally's not going to give me the answers," I say. "You said it yourself. I'm going to get my answers today though, once and for all."

I gather up my bag and my pillow from the couch in the living room. Pony's still in the kitchen where I left him, contemplating everything I had just said, and recalling past events so everything now makes sense.

I leave him to that. "I'll call you when I'm at Sarah's, ok?"

"O-Ok..."

I give him a small smile so he won't worry as much while I'm gone and to tell him, like I've told everyone else, I'm fine. "Not a word, ok? Tell Darry I'll call when I get down there."

"Ok...Danni?"

"What?"

"I...I love you, ok?"

"I love you too, Pone."

Sarah's house is about five minutes from Rick's. I planned out my events by time. Get in, get out in ten minutes, get Sarah, and hit the road. It's a simple plan.

Though I'm not traveling in the sneakiest of vehicles, or the most reliable.

I park around back on the top street. Not that I'm expecting anyone to care or notice. Ten minutes is still ten minutes, and if I'm going to do this, I'm going to do it right.

"Hey, Danni, right?"

I smile, blushing. I was kinda hoping no one would be home. It was kinda hard to forget that when I met this guy for the first time, I was naked. "Hi, Rick."

"Um, Dally's not here right now. Do you, um...Come in out of this rain."

The inside smells like fresh baked goods. I remember the first time I came in this house and my face turns red automatically. Nothing's changed, expect Dally's clothes are spread more across the living area beside a bag on the couch.

"I actually just came by because I left some things in his room...the other night," I tell him. "So I was wondering if I can run in there really fast and get them? I won't be long. I'm in a hurry myself."

"Yeah," he says. "I was actually stepping out but I don't think Dally will mind you being in his room. Just lock the door when you leave, ok?"

I don't think about how weird it is that he's letting me, a mere stranger, stay in his house alone and lock up. I just say: "Yeah, I will. Thank you so much!"

"No problem, Danni. It was good to see you...this way."

I blush more as he lets himself out.

Once I hear the sound of his truck crank and drive down the street, I make my way into Dally's room.

Where would Dally hide something important? I start with his dresser. He always hid his guns in money with his underwear.

I throw everything around but come up with nothing. Most of his stuff is missing. There are no clothes in his closet or in his dresser. I go to his bed table and go through all the papers lying around. There has to be something in here. Something that will tell me what I want to know.

My knees slide across the carpet as I stretch out under the bed next. I reach my arm out, hitting something solid.

It's a brown shoe box. The edges are torn and the lid's barely hanging on.

It's wrong to spy. Dally spied on me. I shouldn't stoop to his level.

What else to I have to lose?

Inside there are papers folded up and some just stuffed in there. I move some of them out of the way and on the bottom there are opened letters still in envelops. Three months' worth.

All from me.

He read them.

I almost take them out when something on the ground catches my eye.

Curtis,

You have it all figured out, huh? Let me tell you something, you don't know jack shit. That night that man died, Ronnie shot him so don't be pointing fingers at me! I leave you? Take a good look at yourself in the mirror tonight. You don't know anything. I was coming to get you. You don't know what I'm up against. You ain't got a fucking clue! I had the gas in my car. I was coming to get you that night. Do you care? No.

- Dallas.

Underneath that, there's another crisply folded letter.

I unfold the white piece of notebook paper. A picture falls into my lap and I place it beside the other papers as I begin to read:

Curtis,

I don't know why I'm writing this. My therapist says it'll be good for me to write out my feeling. What fucking feelings do I have? What kind of pussy sits around thinking, "oh, I think today I'm sad so I'll write about how blue the sky is and how that makes me very blue as well"? This is a joke. Yeah, I got your letters. I know that's the first thing you're probably thinking. Sorry to disappoint. I know you were just expecting some big to do. That's what you do. You expect more from me. Like how you were surprised with what I told you when you came to see me. I don't see why the shock. You knew what you were getting into.

I opened all those letters. Your hand writing looks like shit.

The cursive thing is annoying. I can't tell your s's from n's.

What else am I supposed to say? What the fuck is this even for? You're never going to read this. It's just an assignment so I can get out sooner.

Yeah, I heard in all your letters how you cried yourself to sleep at night. You want some feeling? Is that what's going to get me out of this fuck hole? Well I'm sorry you cried over something you should have saw coming. The pieces were all there and if you really think back and try, you can figure out all those questions you've asked me. You know you can't get tried twice for the same crime? My big fancy lawyer told me that. (Did you ever figure out where I got the dough for that? I didn't pay for it. Oh no. Someone helped out with that. They owed me a favor). I'm an innocent man according to the state of Oklahoma. They think I'm a pretty dandy guy.

This letter isn't going to get me out of here, is it?

OK. I'm sorry. I love you. I'm sorry. I feel bad. Am I done now?

No. I don't like that. I actually am pretty pissed. I read your latest soap opera and my head hurts. Who are you to call me out? I said you couldn't visit for your own damn good. You didn't seem to want to. I didn't want to hear your bitching every time you came to see me. Go find some other sucker. You don't need me. Murdering someone isn't husband material and that's what you want, right? You wanted some suburban boy who'd be a good little man and take the trash out. You knew what you were getting into so don't try and lay that shit on me!

I have that shampoo you gave me. Romantic? Is that what you called it? It fell out of my shit the other day and now my whole cell smells like you. It makes me horny if nothing else. I woke up covered in cum from it this morning. I can hear you now "ew, gross, Dally. That's not romantic". I remember smelling your hair when we'd have sex. I remember exactly how you smell. I don't need a fucking bottle to remind me.

I need to be more sappy or I'm never gonna get good behavior.

I've been lying to you for months. You don't understand everything like you think you do. I'm always the villain in your eyes. You think I'd do all that to hurt you? Bull shit. Ronnie came to town for a reason, Curtis. Did you not think about that or did that just fly over your head? He's family. Does he come before you? I don't know how that shit works but I think you're supposed to come first so we'll just say for now that you do.

He was the reason.

And so were you.

Truth is – I sorta miss you. I can't wait to get out and take one of them romantic baths like we did the night before. The night we had sex all fucking night. I want that. I miss the way you laugh. I miss the way your skirt rides up a little when it was windy and you could see your little lacy white panties. There are dicks all over the place here. I need some lacy panties. I need to touch you. I meant what I said at the hospital, but I read the letter where you said that I just did that out of spite and it probably didn't mean anything.

I laughed when I read that. Who do you think I am? I love you. Is that good enough? Oh fuck it. You only believe what you want.

I'm sorry you think what you do. Not really sorry but you can think what you want. None of its true. There's more to it. I'm from New York, Curtis. I left things behind.

Unfinished business, if that's what you wanna call it.

So here's the end of my letter. Maybe it's gooey enough for good behavior.

I miss you. I can't wait to see you and have a bath and sex all night. You just wait. I'll show you. I'll call you when I get out. Maybe go get a pizza. Who knows?

I had this picture in my stuff when I came in. I just got it back.

It was this summer. You wore that stupid bathing suit that was an ugly green color and showed off your legs too much and you said you were fat. It was the day before school started back and all we did was swim in the lake and eat and talk. You wouldn't shut up that day. You kept laughing.

I liked this day. I like this memory.

Your killer…..good looking boyfriend,

Dallas

(You see what I did there? Funny, aye?)

"What the hell are you doing!?"

I don't jump at the sharpness of his voice. I don't tremble like I'm beneath him. I don't become a coward and run now that I've been caught.

I simply gaze up at the guy standing in the doorway, eyes piercing me, and I let the tears run down my face. "Why do you still have these? Why didn't you give this to me?"

He moves fast across the room. His heavy feet shake the floor under me as he snatches the paper and the box away from me. "You think you can go diggin' through people's shit!? Have you lost your mind? I should be kicking your head in!"

I start to feel my legs again as I stand up and stretch them out. I cross my arms over my chest and catch my breath. "Dally, I-"

His eyes are red. There's something off about him. I noticed it when he came through the door. He seems anxious. "Get out of here! Now!"

"I'm not leaving." I stand my ground, planting my feet.

Eyes still blood red, he grabs my arm and squeezes. "Get the hell outta my house now, Curtis. You really don't want to mess with me right now. I got something important to do, so if you don't mind, leave!"

I push against his hand, hoping to get free. "What did you do for me, Dally? You said you did this for me. What did you do?"

My feet drag against the floor as his weight over powers me. It's times like this when I wish I was strong. More like Joan of Arc in the physical sense, but then like Odysseus' wife, Penelope, in the emotional sense. She always had faith in her husband. She carried herself for years on her own.

I hang onto the dresser so he cannot pull me any further. I latch my fingernails into the wood, bound and determined even if blood came. I stayed like this as he pulled, trying to get me to let go of my grasp.

"I'm not leaving," I inform him.

His feet come charging towards me. My fingers unhook themselves as my body is lifted up off the ground and thrown over his shoulder.

He growls, "We'll see about that."

"Put me down!" I hit my fists against the small of his back where my head is. There's nothing to grab onto anymore. I look like a child being punished, but I can't let go. No again. "Put me down right now!"

He throws me on the ground outside of the bed room, letting me hit the floor. The door slams in my face.

"Go away."

The rain pours down harder outside. The thunder is loud enough to rattle every bone in your body. The lightning lights up the room just before the lights go off and we're surrounded by darkness.

There was something in those letters. Something that resembled someone lost. That was the old Dally. That was the real Dally. Those were his feelings. He did for Ronnie - he did it for me.

Did what?

Why would he need to kill Sam for us? Sam was quiet. He didn't know Ronnie and he no longer knew about me.

Where does Dale come in? Why does Dale now want me too?

I can still see the writing in those letters. I knew every word. Yet, something stands out in mind more than the notorious questions. Three months Dally sat in that jail cell. Three months went by without any contact between the two of us.

Why would someone care that much for someone they never loved? That they used?

Or was it all just a lie? My heart believed it never was. It was my mind that still keeps screaming at me for even being here.

Dally was coming to get me that night. He wasn't going to leave. I was on his mind. I wasn't forgotten or left to be thrown away. Dally was coming for me. He wasn't going to leave me.

Dally meant it that he loved me. He still does.

With my palms on the ground, I push myself up and lean against the locked door. "Why? Why, Dally? Did you kill Sam for me? Did you use me, Dally? Why did you write those letters if I meant nothing to you? You said you really loved me so prove it. Open this door and let's talk."

He pulls me back inside the room, slamming the door shut behind us. The room lights up as lightning hits again outside the window. The room is trashed unlike before. The noise of him breaking everything was drowned out by the rain and thunder.

"What the hell do you want from me?" He's right in my face. I can't see but I can feel him. "This is what you wanted, wasn't it? A normal life? What do you want me to say? You read the fucking letter. I'm sorry. Does that satisfy you, princess?"

"Don't you dare apologize." My voice shakes. "I'm sick of that loaded piece of crap. This is not something you can bandage up and forget about. Start telling me the truth if you're so sorry. Start back when Ronnie came."

He turns around, rubbing his face. As the room lights up again, I notice the cuts and bruises lining his face.

Dale.

"You were wrong about everything, you know? You still are. I killed a person, Curtis. You know normal people would hit the hills running. You're supposed to be scared of me, so run."

I cross my arms again. Dally had never scared me. He never will. He wasn't a killer. That's what makes this so hard to understand. What can push a man to kill?

I lean on my right leg. "You were coming to get me that night Martin died so what happened? Why were you coming to get me and what stopped you?"

"Leave!"

"What unfinished business did you leave behind in New York? Why did Dale pay for your stuff? Why Dally!? Why!? Why did you kill Sam? Why did you do that to me? To yourself? To us!"

Thunder booms with our screams. The sky is black and so is the room.

"I missed you every day," I say softly, tearing up with just coming out with it. "Even when you came back, I missed you. And that terrified me. I'd find myself just walking around town to find you because something I'd see or hear would remind me of you and I wanted to hear your voice. Then I'd realize you weren't Dally anymore. You weren't here. And that killed me worse than anything."

His eyes are still sharp, but they soften a little as he listens. "Why are you telling me this?"

"I know you felt the same way," I say. "You wouldn't keep those letters if I didn't. If you cared about me, please tell me what is going on. Dale wants to hurt me, Dally. Dale is after me, and I wanna know why. Tell me if I'm safe. Protect me. Give me something. This is about me. You said it yourself. So tell me why."

His voice comes out crisp and sore, "I'm the monster in this story. You pinned that title on me yourself. Don't trust me."

I reach out to touch him. My hand falls short though as he yanks away and backs up away from me. "I was wrong and I am sorry. Those letters told me that I was wrong for doubting you. The truth is: I miss you all the time. I dream about you. I dream about us. And I miss us so badly. And I'm so scared. I'm scared for my life. I'm scared for your life. I'm scared of what I don't know. Make me understand, Dally. Tell me you're the good guy. Tell me not to be scared."

"I'm not the good guy," he spits. "I don't care about your feelings, Curtis. I really can't stand you. I can't stand to hear the sound of your voice. I can't stand to look at you."

My blood drains to my legs and my heart beats faster. "Stop it. You don't mean that."

"I can't stand to be in the same room with you. You know, some days I'd sit up and think about how stupid I was...that I dated such a damn bitch."

There's meaning in his words...and they burn. "I hate you! Is that what you want me to say?"

He waves his hands up. "I want you to leave!"

I haven't stopped crying. I can't stop. I feel like my heart might stop. "I can't! Tell me why you killed Sam."

"No."

I shake my head, breathing heavily. "What do I have to do with this!? I deserve to know!"

"Everything!" he shouts out. "Are you that fucking stupid that you don't get it? I want you out of here. Out of my life. Just leave me alone. Stop following me around."

I breathe out slowly, trying to calm myself. "You don't mean that. When I came to you that night you said you were sorry. You wanted me just like I wanted you. I showed you love. You felt it too, I know you did."

"You know what I felt? I felt horny, and you were just another warm body with an ass and a pair of breasts."

"You don't mean that."

He cocks an eyebrow. "Wanna bet?"

It's hard to hear anything from the thunder and the rain. Something moves in the other room. "Someone's here," I say.

Dally turns his back to me, bending over and picking up some of the stuff he broke and threw around, including the box of letters. "No one's here. Just leave, Curtis."

"We're not done talking," I address.

"Oh yes we are."

Something falls. It's faint but I can hear it. "Dally, someone's out there."

"No one's out there, Curtis. Now if you don't mind-"

There's a gust of wind that silences him and thunder rolls in the valley. "Knock, knock. Is anyone home?"

Dally turns to me, his face drained and eyes wide. He shakes his head. "I told you to leave. All you had to do was leave."

Every day I wake up. Every day I wake up alone. Kill me just kill. Oh, get me out of the sun. Every day I wake up. Every day I wake up alone. Kill me just kill. Just get me out of the sun. Someone get me out of the sun.