Sorry for the soooo late update… I don't know how to make myself forgiven, so I'll just say one thing: This chapter is 15 pages long! Is this enough to explain why it took me so much to update? I hope so…
WARNING: When in this chapter Link speaks of love towards Allen, there is ABSOLUTELY NOT romance involved. His is a love born from friendship, respect, admiration, ecc… nothing to do with love between lovers, ok?
DISCLAIMER: I do not own DGM. If I had, everyone would have loved Link and Leverrier the most. (Well, I hope I'm making you love Link a little with this fic still..)
CHAPTER XXXV- DESPERATION AND COMFORT
Vatican's prisons, evening
After his last meeting with Leverrier, Link hadn't been able to think about anything else but Allen's fate. Once he had cleared his suspicions about Leverrier distrust, now that he was sure of the Commandant's feelings once again, there wasn't space for anything else but Allen in his mind.
Allen, Allen, Allen, Allen, Allen, Allen, Allen, Allen…
Till that moment Link had always felt divided between his loyalty to Leverrier and his love for Allen, but now that the Commandant himself wasn't sure of what was right, the Inspector felt authorized to side with the exorcist without feeling a traitor. After all, his loyalty had never been towards the Black Order or the Pope, but only towards the man who had saved the helpless child he had been.
Allen a traitor? No, Link knew better that this: he knew that the teen would have never been able to fight against his companions and friends, and he knew also there was no way that boy, who had only lived to save akuma till his childhood, would join the Earl. Not Allen, he wasn't like that: the Vatican was wrong, the Pope was wrong! But what could Link do? Should he had come to Rome, ask to speak with that man in person and tell him:
"Your Excellency, you're doing a huge mistake: free Allen Walker immediately. I know he's innocent even if I have no proofs."
The mere idea was ridiculous. He wouldn't have never been able to meet the Pope in the first place, let aside convincing him to let Allen go. Still Link wasn't going to give up; he wasn't going to let the exorcist die, but how? He had no plan and he had no intention to ask the Commandant for help. Link knew the situation of the Leverrier family, he knew of the oath they had made a century before and he didn't want to damage the French man in any way. Besides, even if he had, Leverrier's authority had no value against that of the Pope.
What could he do to save Allen? Organize a revolt at the Black Order? Convince the exorcists to rebel until the teen had been let free? It was an idea, but their "enemy" wasn't a comprehensive person and it was well known how heartless he could be towards the exorcists. They were his tools, he could dispose of them as he wanted and he would never tolerate disobedience. If the Pope had decided to put down in blood the insurrection, Link wouldn't have been surprised and the Inspector wasn't going to risk that. It wasn't right.
So, in the end, the Inspector had no idea of what he should do (author: what a change, eh? XD), but at least he knew what he wanted to do: he wanted to save Allen, and he wanted to see him. Now. That's why he was travelling in train in that moment, heading towards the Vatican to visit a certain white haired prisoner. The trip was slow, annoying and boring beyond imagination (especially considering he was using his days off to do that), but he was still going to see Allen! That was enough to give Link the strength to keep on thinking of a way to get the young exorcist free.
After a week of travelling, The Inspector finally got to reach Rome, the capital of the catholic empire governed by the Pope. Of course Link had been there many times before, but every time he gazed at the cupola of St Pietro projected by Michelangelo, and the huge piazza Bernini had built, whenever he saw Castel Sant'Angelo at dawn in all his splendour… in those moments he couldn't help but think the popes had done something good. Still, he knew that under the shining appearance there was something rotten that would have hardly been eradicated in that century or in the next one.
Shaking his head as to send away dangerous thoughts, Link moved on towards the offices of the Switzerland guards. It was enough for him to show the document which proved him to be a Crow to obtain the permission to go wherever he wanted, but the Walker case was something special. There was only one guard, appointed but the Pope in person, allowed to see that prisoner and even that guard wasn't allowed to speak a single word to that strange boy.
At these words Link felt the rage and pity rising inside him at the same time. Rage because Allen less than anyone else deserved such a treatment; rage because in that way no-one of the guards would have been able to recognize the deep goodness carved in the exorcist's soul and he would have remained a monster to their eyes for all the time of his stay. And then there was pity for that boy who seemed condemned to suspicion and loneliness despite all the good qualities he had. It was so unfair.
"Listen to me carefully," Link declared to the guards in an arrogant tone, "I've been in charge of the Walker case for a whole year under the orders of the Commandant Malcolm C. Leverrier. I'm the one who sent Walker here." The Inspector lied, " And I've travelled for two weeks to get here and ask to the prisoner a few more questions. Two weeks, do you understand me? I'm Inspector Howard Link, a member of the Crow, and I'm not going to accept a "no" from the likes of you. If you've understood what I've said let me pass im-me-dia-te-ly, otherwise…" he threatened them. By this time many of the guards had already paled visibly and a few more threats were enough to win any resistance.
He was taken down in the dungeons under the offices. His guide was making a bit of light with a fire torch for everything was utterly black down there. No light came from the outside. The awful smell advised Link that probably they were near the drainage. Horrible.
"Are all the prisoners all in these condition?" Link asked to the soldier.
"Of course not!" the young man replied shocked, "Here there are only the most dangerous elements: all those you'll meet down here are waiting for the death sentence because of unforgivable crimes as treason." Link gulped at hearing those words, but conserved a rigid composure.
Finally they reached Allen's cell and here Link's interpretation of a faithful inspector was seriously tested. Even inside the cell there was no light and the fire only allowed him to guess the exorcist's silhouette lying on the filthy ground, the face hidden behind his arms, the snow-white hair dirty as what remained of his clothes. Allen's bare arms looked so tiny… Evidently he wasn't eating as much as he should. Link's features stiffened with rage and indignation.
"Open the door." The Inspector ordered in a ruder tone to the guard.
"Sir…" the young hesitated, "Are you sure…?"
"I said: open the door."
"Sir, really, it may be…"
"What part of the sentence is too difficult for you to understand? OPEN THE DAMN DOOR RIGHT NOW!" he shouted and the trembling guard did as he had requested. Link entered without a second thought. He had never been that angry in his whole life.
"I'm sorry sir," the young man added, "but I'll have to close you inside with the prisoner…"
"Do it. And leave."
"But sir, I can't leave you here alone with the prisoner! He's dangerous!" the guard protested.
"If there is anyone in danger right now it's you," Link answered recovering his usual calm, "if you don't leave right now I can't assure I won't try to get rid of your annoying presence. I'll use violence if necessary. I have to speak of very secret matters with this one."
"Oh, right sir. I'll leave right now it that's the reason. I'll be back in fifteen minutes to get you out."
"Fine". Link said quickly without giving a second glance to the young guard who left in a hurry. Once the echo of the paces had vanished in the dark, the Inspector got neared to the unconscious exorcist, the torch still in his left hand. He turned the boy on his back so that Link could finally gaze at the teen's face. There were bruises all over Allen's elegant features. Who could be so brave as to injure a face like that which expressed innocence and goodness so clearly? Only a beast would do that.
Link felt once again the rage, but this time there was something wild in his emotion, something which told him that he would have liked to kill slowly whoever it had been to do such a thing to Allen.
Allen, the innocent Allen, the boy who always thought about others first not because of a stupid desire of "being good", but because he couldn't be fine seeing people suffering. Allen, the teen who had the power to change the life of those around him just being what he was: pure, comprehensive, positive. Allen, the saint who always forgave and never condemned no-one, not even the Noahs, not even Leverrier who he thought to be his persecutor. Allen, the only one in the world who was really able to "offer the other cheek" because he felt to act this way and not because a book recorded that a man in Jerusalem centuries before had said that it was right. Allen, a living paradox, the most extraordinary person Link could have hoped to meet, his hope, the proof that there was something good in humanity.
Who could hurt someone like this? Who?
Link looked around but found no bed, not even a piece of wood where he could lay Allen. The Inspector sighed in indignation as he took out from his bad a bottle of water. He moistened his cotton handkerchief and dampened Allen's face to wash the bruises and the dirt. Link's hand hesitated as he washed the side which was covered by the cursed scar. The Inspector wondered if it was because of that evil scar that the boy had been condemned to all he had suffered, of if things wouldn't have changed even if Mana had never existed and he had never been cursed.
Maybe what had really condemned Allen had simply been his character. Even if he hadn't transformed his father into an akuma, wouldn't he have felt the need to help those pitiful creatures the same? After all, Allen was Allen and no scar, no Mana, no Innocence could change that. Link smiled sadly at the thought.
It would have been a problem if Allen had woken up in that moment, for the Inspector really was a emotionally mess then. Allen didn't need to know how dear he was to Link. Though it was humiliating to admit it, Link needed Allen as the sun and he yearned to be at his side always. He just wanted to live at his shadow, next to the light which Allen emanated, hoping that some of its rays would reach his darkness and warm up is broken soul. Allen gave him such a sense of peace, as if everything he had done could finally be forgiven.
It was not love what he felt; he had wondered about it, it was something much deeper and intense than that, something like adoration. Yes, what he felt was a mix of the adoration one can feel towards a saint and the love towards the dearest of the friends. It was pathetic, that was sure, but Link always found himself searching for Allen's company and almost pleading for it, because it made him happy just to look at the teen's smiling face. His being always around Allen had few to do with his work lately. The exorcist had conquered an important place in his life, a place no-one else could supply.
That's why Link wasn't going to let things be: if the Order killed Allen, he would return to his eternal darkness, to the cursed path of an assassin, he would have turned once again in the cold spy who doesn't believe in nothing, the pone which doubted Allen's innocence at the beginning of their relationship. Link didn't want to return like that, especially after having found out how it was to be illuminated by the light.
He wouldn't have ever let Allen die because the teen had been the one to open his eyes even if he wasn't conscious of that. The exorcist never realized what effect did he have on people around him and Link had never expressed a word of his feelings to everyone except Leverrier. There were many reasons for that and they were all very simple and horribly true.
Someone pure as Allen would have never understood what he meant for an hopeless creature as Link was. If he had known he would have felt embarrassed and their relationship would have become awkward. Such a thing would have made the Inspector gone insane. There was no way he would have let that happen. No way.
The other reason why he couldn't tell him anything was that he would have been unforgivable from his part to say the truth. It would have been the most egoistical thing Link could do and even if he had always been an egoistic person, he couldn't allow himself that much of a freedom. The point was: Allen was so important to him, but what was the Inspector to the exorcist? The easy answer was: just an annoying Inspector that waits for my fall. That was probably what the teen thought and it was fine with Link.
It was better like this because there really wasn't anything he could do for the boy, no matter how much he longed to have the chance to. Allen didn't need him, never had, never would because Allen was so much better than him! That time had been just an illusion (Author: chapter XXVIII). But what would have happened if Link had said things as they were? The boy would have come to love him as well for that was how he was made, he would have been moved and then? And then the Inspector would have become an useless burden to him. Then he would have been not only useless, but even dangerous.
No, it was much better to hide in the shadow of insensibility and help the exorcist the little he could. That was all he could do.
It was then that the present Allen, the one which lied in a cell under the offices of the Switzerland Guards, slowly opened his sleepy eyes.
"Link?" The teen's weak cracking voice echoed on the filthy walls of the prison.
"I'm here." The Inspector answered reassuringly. Allen stared blankly at him for some second before abandoning his head on Link's knees; it was a gesture which said much about the trust the boy had in the Inspector. The blonde felt his heart aching for the pity and the relief at the same time, but then the unexpected happen.
Allen raised all of a sudden, his eyes wide open, feverish, and he started screaming:
"What are you doing you here? Go away from here Link, run!" there was real panic in Allen's eyes.
"I'm not going anywhere Walker, calm down. I came to check on you."
"NO!" the teen screamed even more loudly surprising the Inspector. Could it be that the permanence in that cell had altered Allen's sanity? Being imprisoned in a cold, dark, filthy, completely silent place alone would drive anyone mad and Link knew it well since he had experimented something of the kind once.
"You must run away Link, run!" Allen keep on screaming loudly, "He's coming!"
"What do you mean? Who's he? Is he the one who hurt your face?" The Inspector asked worried. Allen shook his head in deny: "No, I caused those bruises myself hoping that he would go away, but you have to escape Link! He's coming!"
Confusion filled the Inspector's mind. Allen had hurt himself? Why? Who was he and how could he scare Allen that much? Who?
Then Allen's whole body started shaking, a strange expression appeared on his features and Link understood everything as soon as his eyes met those of the stranger in front of him.
The Fourteenth.
While possessed by the Noah, Allen's face lost the entire childish, innocent look it usually had. He seemed more mature, mischievous and charming. Nothing to do with the cute boy Link knew.
The Inspector didn't know how to react. He remembered far too well last time the Fourteenth had taken possession of Allen's body: he had transformed the teen in a beast who had attacked and nearly killed two Noahs, unable to control himself. The monster Link had seen that time wasn't able of reasoning, still he had called for Allen and then, slowly, the teen had reverted to his usual self. Link didn't knew if it had been a coincidence that time, or if his voice had really helped the exorcist to come back, but he believed it was worth the try.
"Allen," the Inspector called grabbing the teen's shoulders, "Allen, wake up! Allen!"
There was no reaction. The Noah inside the boy keep on staring at him with an emotionless expression. Exasperated, Link started to shook that thing even if he didn't know himself how was he expecting that to work. Maybe he was hoping it was all a nightmare and he had unconsciously believed he could wake the teen up in that way. Anyway, it obviously didn't work.
The cold yellow eyes of the Fourteenth were fixed on the Inspector anxious figure, the white hair contrasting in a shocking way against the dark skin, he black stigmata on his forehead were the signature of a demoniac contract Link couldn't ignore any longer. Then, the monster quiet voice echoed in the darkness:
"Would you please stop shaking me? It's uncomfortable."
Link stiffened all of a sudden letting him go, somehow surprised and shocked. What the Hell was with that? The Fourteenth he had known was no more that a beast, untamed, uncontrollable, savage, dangerous. The man speaking now was horribly calm instead, his figure filled with a unknown dignity, and his voice conserved Allen's British accent. The whole scene was frightening.
"Besides," the stranger continued ignoring Link's stupefied expression, "I'm not Allen, not anymore."
"You're the Fourteenth, right?" The Inspector asked warily.
"Not exactly." The stranger asked with the politest of the behaviours, "To tell the truth, I'm the fusion between what remained of the Fourteenth's character and Allen's. I'm not Allen Walker nor the Fourteenth, but both of them and yet none of them. Do you understand?" he asked. Link just had to shook his head in deny. How was he supposed to understand a sentence like that?
"Oh, well, that's not important." The stranger replied bored passing a hand through his hair in a very Allen-like way. Now that the Inspector could look at him more attentively, he noticed there was also some light in the eyes of the stranger which resembled Allen, but the innocence the boy possessed… that was gone. It was not like the face of that new person transmitted him a bad feeling, not at all, but he didn't shine of that light which only the exorcist had possessed.
"Then…" Link tried to attempt a conversation, "what are you going to do?" he asked. As soon as he pronounced those words every trace of cordiality vanished from the stranger's face:
"Why do you care? And why should I tell you? I don't know you." His eyes were narrow and threatening
"But I knew Allen Walker and the Fourteenth so I know you a little as well, don't I?"
"Not at all." The stranger answered recovering his bored expression and lying sown on the ground in a relaxed careless way. He didn't seem to mind the filthiness around him or the stink. Link couldn't help but stare at him, somehow curious to examine that strange combination of the pure Allen and an evil Noah.
"Would you tell me how did you replace Walker's personality?" The Inspector asked formal though it was easy to read the curiosity at the bottom of his eyes.
It was a matter of a fragment of second: the stranger's eyes narrowed in a dangerous way, then he stretched out his arms and grabbed Link's throat strangling him:
"Why should I tell you'" he asked, "Who are you? What do you want? You're annoying, you're disturbing and you're an assassin. I should kill you…"
At the last second, the Inspector grabbed some magic spell from under his coat and used them against his attacker managing to get free. Free of the his hold, but not of his words:
"How do you know I'm an assassin?" he asked out of breath.
"The way you move, the light in your eyes. You're not a good person. You should die." The stranger answered looking away, bored once again. In that very moment Link heard the sound of footsteps coming closer. The stranger surely heard them as well, but nothing in his behaviour could suggest he had noticed.
"It's time, Inspector Link." The annoying guard of before declared. Then he gazed at the prisoner and remained breathless, noticing the transformation.
"Open the gate quickly!" Link ordered him and the guard obeyed, unable to take his eyes away from the man in the cell. The Inspector escaped quickly and locked the gate himself making sure no-one could escape from there. No human at least.
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Headquarters of the Black Order, morning
Link wondered why he had to be there at the Headquarters once again now that Allen wasn't there anymore, still that was where Levellier had sent him "to control the situation". If that was true, the Inspector couldn't help but wonder how could he control the situation when everybody there hated him. That was to be expected after all: it was only natural for everyone else to suppose that it was Link's fault if Allen had been captured. He was surprised, instead, that the other exorcists still hadn't come at him threatening him and trying to find out where their companion was; infact Lenalee had just taken the habit to give him murderous glances while Lavi ignored him with coldness unusual for him.
After all, Link could think of himself as lucky that they had decided just to ignore him since he couldn't care less about that. He had got affectionate to Allen, but all the others meant nothing to him and since he had grown up as an assassin he was used to coldness and reject. Still, it felt terribly awkward to be there once again, and without Allen. He felt his absence more than anything else, but it would be a lie not to say that the words he had heard in the cell in Rome hadn't impressed him.
"YOU'RE NOT A GOOD PERSON. YOU SHOULD DIE."
Even if Allen wasn't in that body, it was still his lips that had pronounced those two lethal sentences; it had been that face, that voice, those eyes which had stared at him with indifference! The eyes of the one who had made him felt as if he could be forgiven, the one he had been sure would have never condemned him. Still, that person had said that h should have died, that he was no good… Link knew it was true, that everybody thought so, but Allen… not Allen! It was no use to tell himself: "that was not him" for inside that thing, somewhere, Allen must still be there and he had allowed that thing to say such things. The pain inside the inspector was something strong and stinging which made him helpless and passive, for what he could do?
He didn't have any idea about how he should act and that was why in that early morning he was walking across the garden of the Headquarters. At the end he seated under a delicate young tree and watched the dawn sky as the sun began to show up little by little. He lied his back against the tree giving a noisy sigh. That was when someone else happened to walk by the same path of the garden. It was Sara.
Her appearance confused Link. It had passed some time since last time he had seen the girl and he didn't remembered her that pretty and fragile. Her lucid black hair were still short by the shoulders, but it looked like she had finally started to take care of them, and her expression was gracious and emotionless as he remembered it. Her deep blue eyes seemed to stare somewhere far away thought they were clearly focused on him. She wore a short skirt almost completely covered by a large blue blouse which made her look even more delicate than she already was and exposed her long elegant neck. A pair of green and blue leggings hid the long legs. In conclusion, Link found she was very cute though she was wearing awful colours (honestly, everyone knows you can't wear a blue shirt over a black skirt!).
The Inspector stared at her warily as she came nearer.
"You're the one who accompanied the exorcists who found me, aren't you?" She asked. Her voice was a soft quiet melody which didn't show any feeling, but there was something harsh in his tone, a severity which probably derived from the habit. "I'm sorry I don't remember your name…" she added.
"That's not important." Link replied gently, but firmly, as to say he wasn't going to tell her. He hadn't time not patience for her in that moment. There was a moment of silence, then Sara seated a few paces far form him and asked politely:
"You seem grieved. Did something bad happen to you?" there was no kindness in her voice nor curiosity, but the Inspector perceived she was really going to listen to him carefully if he wanted to talk. Considering that since he had arrived there he had been ignored completely by everyone, that seemed more or less a miracle to him, still he answered evasively:
"It's just a matter of work." It was a lie, but what else was he expected to tell her?
"What matter?" she asked with her quiet voice, little more than a whisper.
"Nothing much." He said determinate not to reveal a word of what he was feeling to a stranger. Sara didn't answer anything, probably guessing it was not her place to ask, but she remained seated where she was watching the sun rising. If they had been just a bit more of a romantic person they would have find it a perfect setting for a romance, but in that moment the Inspector's thought were far away from anything of the kind and Sara had never been what you would call a sensible type, so they remained there enjoying the comfortable silence. That was when Link started to feel like he really wanted to say something, to speak a bit of his mind out loud for a change, and all of a sudden Sara seemed the perfect person to speak with to him.
"I said it's nothing much," he confessed, "but it I instead: it's a big, very big deal to me." He said out loud with a determinate and harsh tone. Sara didn't answer anything, but now her strange eyes were focused on him and there was no doubt she was listening attentively. Link felt encouraged and continued:
"A friend of mine is in big troubles and I want to help him, I really want to, but I don't know how. Besides, he has changed all of a sudden and he seems another person, completely different from the one I loved, and I don't know if I should support him anymore. I mean, I'm not sure I'd do the right thing helping him, I fear he would take advantage of that to do something bad. If he was his old self, I wouldn't have any doubt, but now… I can't recognize him anymore. Plus, I'm not sure he would accept my help anyway…" he muttered.
"He's very important to you, isn't he?" Sara asked quietly with an half-smile.
"Yes."
"May you be in love with hi-…"
"Absolutely not!" was Link firm response. He denied with such a ridiculous energy that Sara found herself chuckling silently. Link stared at her as to scold her and she stopped immediately regaining her usual dreamy expression, but there was something hard in her eyes:
"You know," she began, "after my grandfather's death I changed so much my own mother could hardly recognize me. She didn't know if it really was still me and the circumstances were so bizarre she must have wondered if it hadn't been me the one who killed her father. I knew it, but I never said a word to her about that, never. I just couldn't, or maybe I egoistically didn't' want to speak about it and that's all, I wonder, but one thing is sure: I was very cold to her at that time, almost cruel, but she never stopped supporting me in that anxious way of hers, she ever stopped having faith in me. I never told her, but her support was very important for me; if she hadn't been there helping me without asking anything in return, I wouldn't have been able to fight like I did." She made a pause.
"What I wanted to say," she added after a little while, "is that maybe it's the same for your friend: he may be just confused, or maybe he has something he can't tell you. He makes you worry, he knows and acts like he doesn't care, but you can't know what's truly in his heart. He may look different but it's still him. You shouldn't leave him alone. Maybe he will refuse your help, but he surely will appreciate it secretly even he doesn't tell you. At least he'll remember he's not alone and even if it may sound stupid, that's important, don't you think so?" She asked as if she wasn't really expecting an answer. Link smiled at her against his will.
What she had said was simple, logical, and it could really sound stupid, but it was all true. The Inspector remembered the moment when months before he had decided to support Allen in his moments of weakness, since there wasn't much more he could do for the teen. She had said the same thing: he had to support him and be next to him, no matter what the appearances where, because that was all he could do for him and even if it was a little thing… it could mean much for someone who completely alone and confused.
"Thank you." He said bowing slightly in a formal way to the delicate woman beside him.
"Of what?" she asked shrugging. Link smiled once again.
"May I tell you something?" the Inspector asked after a while.
"What?"
"I don't want to offend you…"
"Of course not." She assured.
"… but you're wearing awful colours today." He concluded with rude honesty. Sara blushed slightly:
"I know," she confirmed shyly, "those leggings are horrible, but my mistress chose them for me and I couldn't refuse to wear them…"
"Yes, but that's not only them," Link continued, "it's also that you can't wear a blue blouse on a black skirt. Never put black and blue together."
Sara hesitated: "You won't believe me, but that's her doings as well… she said she's tired of seeing me wear only black, so from now on she's the one to decide how I wear…" she blushed even more for the embarrassment. Link was half exasperated, half amused:
"Really General Cloud has such bad taste?" he asked trying to suppress a laugher.
"Don't speak ill of my mistress." Sara advised him a little pissed.
"Ok, I won't." he assured laughing hard secretly.
Finally he had decided what he was going to do.
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Headquarters of the Black Order, training room, morning
It was seven in the morning, but Kanda was already in the training room, practicing with a bamboo sword. He needed to find something to relish his uneasiness, a feeling that Cassandra was provoking him almost continuously lately. She was always around him, always teasing him and making him pissed, anxious and fearful. He hated that, the fact that she had the power to make him act so unlike him.
Still, he knew, for he was no stupid, that he was getting better at facing her. Every time they argued, and it happened more or less thrice in a day, he could answer to her sophistic speeches always more easily: he was getting used to her. Maybe it was because he had started to recognize some of Angel's childless and impulsivity in her once in a while, but he was finally able to act a bit more like himself in her presence once again and that was a great relief.
He didn't fear to loose to her anymore, he was finally ready to accept whatever the outcome of their little arguments was and that wasn't because he felt superior, but because speaking with her had started to feel natural, though the embarrassment which had followed their mission in Sweden. It sounded absurd even to him, but being around her was almost natural now, as if she was an old annoying friend and not the fiend which had hunted him till then claiming he didn't know what from him. And, somehow, he knew that the fact that she had kissed him had a role in that matter. He had rejected her that time, even if he had taken his time to do so, and after that he felt able to challenge her. It was as simple as that.
Still, it was strange, it felt so fucking strange, every time she came out of nowhere claiming absurd things, as she was doing in that moment.
He was practising, when he had turned and found her staring at him from the door. His eyes widened for a moment, but he kept on doing his exercises as to tell her that he had noticed her since the very beginning and that he had just decided to ignore her. Still, Cassandra chuckles advised him she hadn't fallen for his performance.
Feeling terribly pissed and humiliated, Kanda stopped and gave her a threatening glance:
"What the Hell do you want?" he questioned rudely.
"I came here to ask you a favour," she answered immediately, confident, "something I can ask only to you."
"What? Be brief, I don't have time to loose."
"Neither do I," was the quiet response, "I was just wondering if you'd have accepted to fight against me for once."
All Kanda's ideas about getting used to her shattered miserably. He would never get used to that, never: her continuous testing him, making fun out of him, and those sentences which remembered him so clearly of Angel. There had been another time before, many months ago, when that person had come to him in that very room asking for someone only he could do: train her.
The feeling of déjà vu was so strong Kanda was taken aback, but more than this there was the doubt rising inside him: was it just a coincidence? Or was she trying to communicate something to him once more in that strange, incomprehensible, awkward way of hers? Knowing her, he decided that the latter was far more probable, but he couldn't be sure. And there was no way he could ask her for it would mean losing to her.
That's why he just shook his head in deny:
"I won't do it." He declared firmly.
"Why?" she asked annoyed.
"Nothing of your business, I'm just not going to."
"I knew it," Cassandra said, "you hate me!"
"It's no true." Kanda denied tiredly asking to himself why the Hell did he care to tell her. If she believed he hated her it was fine with him: there were more chances she would let him be. But he had denied. Why? Basically because he was stupid, he guessed.
"If it's no true, then you're doing your best to make it look like it. Why do you avoid me if you don't hate me?"
"I said I don't hate you, but I do not like your whore-like attitude either." He declared with his usual rude sincerity.
"Whore-like attitude?" she chuckled imitating his deep voice, "That's what you think of me? May I know why?" Kanda hesitated for a moment. Was she stupid? Wasn't it obvious what he was referring to? Or maybe she was just trying to make fun out of him? Still, something in her gaze told him that she really didn't get the insult.
"I'm speaking about what you did the other day with that… man, for example. You didn't feel anything for him, didn't you?"
"No." Was the honest, shameless answer.
"And he wasn't the only one you allowed to touch you, wasn't he?"
"No, he wasn't." she replied once again as her gaze was finally filled with comprehension. Still, Kanda didn't stop asking, even if he knew she had got it now.
"Well, don't you call it a whore-like thing to do… such things with everyone?" He asked feeling slightly embarrassed. It wasn't like him to speak about this kind of things and the fact that Cassandra answered to his question laughing didn't help him to wipe out the embarrassment. Why the fuck did he always felt as a little uneasy child in front of her?
"Tell me Kanda," she asked, "how would you call a man who cheats on many women?"
"A womanizer?" he replied hesitant wondering what he should answer.
"And do you think people means the word womanizer as an offence?"
"Many people probably do, but… I guess there are also many others who take it more or less as a compliment." He thought out loud.
"But when you call a woman who does the same thing a whore you mean to insult her, don't you?" She asked again. Kanda just nodded in response.
"Would you kindly explain me where is the difference between a man and woman doing the same thing? Why the man is almost complimented while the woman is insulted?"
"I…" Kanda remained at loss of words in front of her argument. Cassandra smiled triumphantly acknowledging her victory in silence. Refusing to accept the defeat, Kanda charged once again:
"The point is not what people think! Right now the point is what I think and I believe that acting as you do is awful, no matter if the one who does so is a man or a woman." He declared seriously.
"Oh, so you believe the opinion of the famous exorcist Yuu Kanda is more important of that of the rest of the world…?" she provoked him.
"Cassandra." He warned her. That had NOTHING to do with the topic of their argument and she knew it. Still, she didn't seem particularly scared by his glance.
"Amazing!" she cried out happily, "It's the first time you're calling me by my name! Good work Kanda! If you keep on like this you'll actually be able to socialize one day!"
"Stop it." He replied pissed.
"I won't!" she replied stubbornly, "You MUST socialize with people, otherwise you'll become some unsocial, disagreeable guy! I already told you before; you can't act as a monk!"
Kanda stopped at these words, frozen-like.
"You… did tell me those things before?" he asked remembering a conversation he had had with Angel months before ( Author: It was chapter XII and Angel told him the same exact words).
"Didn't I?" Cassandra asked vaguely, looking away, "Well, if I haven't, I thought it and that's the same!"
"That's not the same!" he protested.
"Whatever."
"Don't whatever me!" he shouted at her, now completely pissed off.
"If you want to obtain something from me," she challenged him, "you'll have to beat me."
"Fine." He answered grinning evilly at the prospect of beating the shit out of her.
In his anger, he didn't realize he was giving her what she had wanted since the very beginning.
And the fight began.
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To say that Cassandra enjoyed the fight was to say the least. Every strike, every swinging, every slight touching of their skin while they blocked the other's kick was a real pleasure. Even the pain of being hit was nothing compared to that. It made her feel so… alive.
She had heard it before from older fighters that battling gave a wonderful feeling which eclipsed everything else, but she had never understood what there could be of so enchanting to make people give up a normal safe life in exchange of the assurance of pain and an early death. Now she understood.
If you don't fight, if you don't risk loosing everything, you'll never know what life is.
She had understood it months ago when Sokaro had made her battle against an akuma the first time. She had been bare handed against a monster and for some eternal minute she had firmly believed she was going to die and that nothing would have saved her. The fear was there filling every heartbeat, the blood pressuring in a dangerous way inside her veins, her mind frighteningly empty and conscious of every risk she was running.
She had felt like dying before being even slightly hit, but at the same time she had felt an awareness of everything surrounding her, a perfect understanding of the importance and preciousness of every small particular. Every strand of grass, every fragment of second had seemed priceless and irreplaceable to her eyes in those moments because she had believed she was going to die. But she hadn't died.
She had been saved by those fragments of memories, those images that filled her head a moment before the attacks could reach her. Her body would react on instinct, following who knows what kind of forgotten lesson, and her mind would show her memories and feelings she had never believed to possess.
Strong calluses hands, warm hands…
A man clothed in black attacking her with elegant quick movements…
The pain for a hit which had reached her…
A mischievous smile on the face of the man…
that face she couldn't recognize because it was surrounded by mist…
the deep harsh voice of the man…
and the love she had felt for him despite everything…
All this had been carved somewhere inside her brain and there it had remained waiting for her to call those memories back, waiting for her full awakening, for the day she wouldn't have feared to face the complexity of truth anymore. Had she reached that day? Was she already there? The two sides of her… had the connected? Had she ceased to be a cursed picture of herself? No, she still hadn't, but the time was close, so close that it was frightening.
But she didn't have the time to think about it right now: she had to fight and Kanda was her opponent. She wasn't going to loose, she didn't want to. And once again what was helping her, giving her the right instructions, were the weird images in her mind. If fighting that way against akuma had felt good, that was something more like paradise. If her movements were good, Kanda's were perfects. The excitement running inside her vein made everything more precious. Time didn't slow down, but still her awareness of every particular of the room, of every imperfection in her opponent's movements had increased drastically.
She knew what she had to do to contrast him, someone had taught her long ago, but she was too slow, too weak. At the end, after what seemed ages, she lost.
Kanda immobilized her on the ground.
Her cheek felt the cold of the marble ground and she tasted the shocking contrast between that coldness and the warmth of the hands which had caged hers in an iron hold.
She could hear the man upon her breathing heavily for the tiredness. She would have wanted to see his beautiful, determinate, victorious face; she would have wanted to study the way he was looking at her in that moment, but her face was pressed against the floor.
"I won." Kanda declared emotionlessly, but didn't move. Cassandra understood immediately that he wanted a sort of acknowledgement from her part and she sighed in annoyance. Really, she was such a child sometimes!
"All right, you won." She admitted pissed. Sometimes she really was much of a child as well.
Kanda moved setting her free and Cassandra raised on her feet at once.
"Again." She said simply challenging him to come at her once again.
Kanda smirked:
"Such a bad loser you are…"
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From Christine Leverrier's diary…
13th May 1743
My diary,
My decision of the other day has been tested far too soon, I think, by the facts which happened today. Guess who's fault it is for it? Amatus' and Tyki's obviously.
After dinner Road said she wasn't feeling well (she ate too much candies if you want my opinion) so Lady Lulubell and I took her to her room so that she could rest. To tell the truth I wanted to remain beside her, but she sent me away: she said I could fall ill as well if I was near her too much. So, my company was rejected and I'm sure Road did it with the best intentions of the world, but seeing what the consequences were I think it would have been better for me if I had caught some kind of fever.
I should have gone to sleep too, but I felt restless that night and I decided to go to the library to search for some English book which could help me with the language (I have to improve!). I chose a collection of Milton's selected poems and I had just ended reading the "Pensieroso" (I loved it!) when someone entered the room.
Who could it be if not my stalker? I'm not stupid so, as soon as Amatus came in, I closed the book and ran towards the window searching for an exit, but the giant openings were all closed and he was reaching me too quickly! I was still trying to open one of those useless windows when his rude hand grabbed my wrist.
"Please, Miss Christine," he said, "don't react this way or people will think I'm a monster." He smiled innocently but I didn't fall for it, not this time.
"And they would think well," I answered, "because you are a monster." I hope my voice was cool and my gaze firm and they probably were because he drew back for a moment, shocked. I took advantage of his stupor to try to reach the door, but he caught me once again:
"Don't run away," he ordered, "I decided I want you with me, so, please, stay by my side." He asked and his voice was as gentle as it was at the beginning of our relationship, when he fooled me, but his eyes were cold, cruel. I didn't believe him and even if I did… I wouldn't have accepted. To me Amatus is only a monster now, nothing more, nothing less. I fear him!
That's why I moved suddenly and hit him on the face with the rigid cover of the book. I guess I hit him in the left eye. He shouted. I got free and ran away as fast as I could. I heard Amatus paces after me and I thought I would loose my sanity. I even thought it would have been better to die than to feel chased all the time. I ran and ran but his paces were always behind me, I could hear perfectly the curses he was pronouncing in a low voice, I could imagine the threats he was shouting at me. And I ran, desperately, hoping in the help of someone, but who? Even if I was to meet a servant, he/she wouldn't defend me against their lord!
In my mind I started to pray: "Tyki, Tyki, Tyki, please come! Tyki…" but I knew he wouldn't come: he wasn't at Kamelot Manor that night in the first place and even if he was… I didn't think he would defend me. Still, I prayed him silently knowing that he was the only one I could rely on even it seemed absurd. He was the only one who had admitted to know Amatus' perversion so he was the only one who wouldn't have doubted me if he had witnessed to that scene.
Then, as an answer to my silent prayer, I saw an open door. Someone must have left it open. I entered in there and closed it, I locked myself in as much as I could hoping and praying that Amatus wouldn't try to force the entrance. He shouted for a while, but he didn't try to smash the door. After a while he went away. I was safe.
I breathed heavily trying to get hold of myself, but I was still so scared! I could still feel Amatus voice in my head and I was…just terrified. There are no words to describe the horror of being chased: the fear overwhelms you till the point when you can't think at all and the moment this happens you're lost, you'll be captured. And I had a vague idea of what would have happened to me if Amatus had taken me.
I don't know how much did I remain locked in that room, but I guess that it had passed more than an hour when I heard the noise of paces approaching. I began to tremble once again, I couldn't control it, and I hoped with all my being that they would just fade away, that they were just servants passing by. Every pace was a blade stabbing me. I'm ashamed to say it now, but at that time I only wanted to crawl under the bed and cry all my tears. I prayed and prayed for those sounds to fade away, but they didn't. They stopped exactly in front of the room where I was.
I started to think of all the possible and worst scenarios. What if it was Amatus once again and he had gotten the key in the meanwhile? Or what if the owner was another man, maybe one of those oppressed servants who would have loved to torture an upper-class girl as a form of revenge if only they had the chance? What if the owner was instead a servant or a maid faithful to Mr Amatus? They would take me to him, wouldn't they? You'll be tired of hearing me saying it, my diary, but I was scared, so freaking scared!
Then I heard a low male voice whispering something and a woman laughing. Great, there were two persons out there! And they were going to open the door. Terrified I hid behind the door waiting for the chance to come out from there. Slowly and without a sound, the door opened and the couple entered embraced. Thankfully the light was out and they didn't see me, but they closed the door too soon for me to be able to escape.
I barely had the time to grasp in what awful situation I was before the man spoke and I recognized his voice: it was Lord Tyki. I mean, Lord Tyki of all people! There must be something deadly wrong for me… I seriously don't think any other seventeen years old girl ever managed to attract so many troubles as I do! No, to be exact, I think that no-one else ON THIS PLANET ever managed to do it beside me! I must be something like a natural catastrophe, or maybe there were simply the worst planets in conjunction the day I was born…
My mind was running furiously searching for a solution. Should I have come out and say: "Ta-daaan! Surprise! There is someone else in your room so, please, stop doing lovey-dovey"?
Maybe I should, but it was way to embarrassing so I didn't. I just remained there trying to look away and don't knowing if I had to hope for them to catch me now and make me exit or not. Meanwhile I was conscious, even in the dark, that Tyki was kissing that woman and had started to undress her. I moved uncomfortably where I was feeling a little jealous and angry at the same time. I would have liked to shout at him:
"Where were you when I needed you? No, don't say it, I already know: you were seducing all the young women around you, weren't you? You bastard…"
Still, once again, I said nothing.
Then all the noises stopped suddenly. I thought to see Tyki's eyes staring at me and I sweated hard.
"Darling," his sensual voice echoed in the room giving me chills down my spine, "I'm sorry, but I fear that we'll have to put off our moment to another day…"
"Why?" the woman asked panicking, "you don't like me anymore?"
"You finally got it, you bitch!" I hoped he would say, but unfortunately I was wrong. Tyki instead said:
"That's not it, sweetheart, I just remembered that I had some work to do by tomorrow morning… your beauty made me forget it, but now that I see the paperwork on the table I remembered. I'm so sorry, my love…"
The woman seemed deluded but didn't protest: "You sure are a workaholic, aren't you? Lord Tyki…"
"It's not that I want to…" he excused himself, "it's my duty."
"Fine, fine," the bitch (who I believe was the countess of S. I saw the other week at the ball…) said. Tyki kissed her another time and she set out of the room saying: "You'll better call me as soon as you're free, Mikk." She declared. He promised and she finally went away.
As soon as I heard the door closing I relaxed a little and thought the worst had passed, but I was so wrong!
Half naked and still lying on his bed, I heard Lord Tyki calling me:
"Would you mind explaining me what are you doing in my room, Christine?" he asked me, his eyes staring directly at the place where I was standing. I jumped for the surprise, but said nothing. Words simply didn't come to me. What was I supposed to say in such a situation? I remained I silence and Tyki turned on the light sighing:
"Would you come here at least?" he asked, "I can't here your voice from there."
He seemed relaxed and, for once, not dangerous, so I came nearer and stopped a few paces away from him feeling uncomfortable at the sight of him lying on the bed, but he wasn't looking at me: his gaze was wandering somewhere in the opposite direction, out of the dark window. Then he turned to face me:
"So why are you here? You won't answer? Are you embarrassed? Really I didn't thought you'd come this far…" He said studying my figure. In a moment I realized what he was thinking:
"It's not as you think!" I said immediately, "I know it sounds improbable, but I entered here by chance and…"
"And do you have the habit to enter into other people's room by chance?" he asked smiling in amusement. He obviously didn't believed me and I understood why, I would have done the same if I was him, still he was so full of himself that it was unbearable.
"I swear it was a mistake! And then I got struck in there and…"
He stopped me with a sudden gesture and caught my hands between his in a strong hold which was anything but romantic:
"No need to push it so far, Christine," he said, "I'm not angry, you know? You freed me of that annoying countess…but you also ruined my plans for the night… how are you going to repair for this?" he asked mischievously into my ear. I knew what would have come next and tried to free myself from his hold, but I couldn't. He kissed me fiercely. I wanted him to kiss me so badly, but I also didn't want him to think I had come into his room because I wanted to seduce him! It wasn't like me, and those weren't my intentions, they weren't! I wanted to say it, but he wouldn't let me go. He was insistent, fierce and delicate at the same time. I wondered how many women he had touched like that before me and I understood I didn't want to hear the answer.
But his insistence, his hands blocking mine remembered me of Amatus and of the fear I felt before when I was running to escape and I was praying for Tyki to come, the same Tyki who was now acting the same way Amatus did, without listening to me, using me, touching me… I started to cry against my will feeling caged and helpless, so terribly helpless… So stupidly weak…
Tyki stopped.
"What's wrong Christine?" he asked. Finally he was asking because he really wanted to know and not for empty courtesy. Hearing that the words quickly returned to me:
"I was escaping from Amatus… He almost caught me in the library," I confessed, "but I ran away and find the door of this room opened so I entered locking myself inside. I didn't know it was your room, really, I just wanted to escape!" I cried out at last and I could see Tyki's eyes opening wide in realization of what he had done. He immediately let me go and I redrew away from him in an instant.
"I'm sorry." He murmured sincerely though in such a low voice I barely heard him, "I'm really sorry". I shook my head as to say it was nothing, but it was a lie. He had shocked me. He had made me remember things I wanted desperately to forget. And somehow he understood everything. He sighed face-slapping himself as to say: "How stupid can I be?", but when his eyes looked back at me still crying silently he said:
"Please, sit here and calm down. I promise I won't touch you."
I trusted him. I seated and I tried to calm down, but at first I failed: I was releasing all the stress I had accumulated before when Amatus had been chasing me. Then Tyki began to brush my hair gently and I ended up sobbing on his chest. His scent calmed me down; his hands made me feel safe against my reason.
"Do you want to return to your room?" he asked me. I shook my head in deny.
"Do you want to remain here?"
"If it's not a problem…"
"No problem," he assured, "I'll just go in another room."
"No!" I shouted. He was surprised and I blushed:
"I mean, if I wanted to remain here it's because I feel safer with you around… Otherwise I would ask Road to let me sleep with her, but I guess Road wouldn't be of great help against Amatus…" I murmured and Tyki laughed:
"You don't know Road then. She's probably the scariest of us all."
I stared at him in response, unable to comprehend how little, delicate Road was more dangerous than Amatus.
"And Amatus would never dare to enter there, regardless of the fact that I'm here or not." He added.
"That's no true!" I replied, "You should have heard before how many times he shouted and kicked the door. I thought he was going to break it." I said and Tyki's eyes narrowed in what seemed rage to me
"Anyway," he declared, "we can't both remain in there. I don't want to break my promise of before." He said and gave me a seducing smile. I blushed as soon as I got what he meant.
"I bet you only want to return to your Countess…" I teased him.
"That's not true!" he protested offended.
"Prove me." I challenged him in response. He remained in silence for a little while, then he decided:
"Fine, I'll remain here. But you sleep on the other side of the bed far away from me! If you touch me even by chance…" he threatened.
"A gentleman would offer the whole bed to a lady and sleep on the floor." I provoked him.
"No way I'd sleep on the cold floor." He answered immediately pissed.
"You should try someday," I proposed, "there is people who does it everyday because they can't afford a bed."
"One day I will," he replied grumpy, "one day I'll prove how does it feel to live out in the great world and to sleep under the stars. Satisfied?"
"You would really do it?" I exclaimed excited.
"Someday…" he repeated without enthusiasm lying on his side of the bed.
"Then that day you'll have to call me." I ordered.
"Why?" he seemed curious.
"Because I want to know how does it feel to be completely free."
"You call that miserable and obliged life-style "being free"?"
"Of course." I replied, "Think about it: we are slave of our position, of our luxurious habits. As we are now, we wouldn't be able to survive in the world without our money and an army of servants. We wouldn't even be able to cook our meals. People out there are poor, but they don't depend on anyone. They're free. I want to feel how it's like." I confessed in an outburst of sincerity. It was a thing I had always dreamed of and never said out loud. I nearly blushed. Tyki was studying me as if he was trying to understand why I was saying such things.
"But if you were poor and you desired something you'd never obtain it. You would be happy that way?" He challenged.
"Maybe." I answered wondering, "Probably real freedom doesn't exist and we're always slaves of something, but I want to try it, otherwise I won't ever know."
"Maybe." He conceded and turned the other side. "Goodnight." He added after a moment.
"Good night Tyki." I replied. It was the first time I called him in that familiar way and I almost regretted it, but he didn't seem to care, so after some minute I had already forgotten it.
Do you know what happened after that? Nothing. I mean, not that I wanted something to happen (or maybe I did…?), but I was surprised when after less than half an hour I heard Tyki snoring. Snoring! I didn't expect that… it was pretty embarrassing…
Still, since there was no way I would be able to sleep that way, I opened you, my diary, and I began to write. I'm still here, seated at his desk, writing under the light of a little candle. I'm tired, I'd like to sleep and forget everything for some hour, but I like being here, it's comforting being near him. So strange. After Amatus, he's probably the most dangerous person for me, but seeing him now… His face is so gentle, so relaxed in his sleep, and he has such long eyelashes! I didn't expect that. He his even more charming while his sleeps because he seems so innocent… If there is something I thought I'd have never said about him was innocent, but he gives me this very impression now.
Here he is: now he sighs, he turns his head stretching his neck in an elegant way… He's such a temptation! What would happen if now I'd go near him and kiss his forehead? Would he awake and call my name, his lips half-opened, still sleepy and confused? What if I caressed the strong muscles of his back? Would he hug me in his sleep, or would he awake? Would he get angry? Or maybe he would smile in that characteristical way of his, awake already, and say that he wants to break his promise?
It's awful of me to have such thoughts I guess, considering my position, but I can't help it. He's just so…
Wait! He's moving. I think he's going to wake up. I have to hide you now, diary. Goodnight.
Christine Leverrier
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Author's notes—Sleeping beauty
OMG, THIS CHAPTER WAS AWFULLY LONG! 15 PAGES! That is too much even for me.. it took an eternity to write it… but there are too many things I wanted to say:
1- Link and Allen/Fourteenth's scene (I just HAD to write that part. Though I fear Link was a bit OOC even for my standards…)
2- Link and Sara scene (I think they would make a great couple… They're just very similar in a way. Don't you think?)
3- Kanda and Cassandra scene. I've died to write that moment when he calls her a whore and she replies that way… I agree with Cassandra completely though. Men often calls us women that way for stupid things and then what? Everything is allowed to them? Ahahaha… hypocrites. What do you think about this?
4- Christine and Tyki scene! Finally they got a little serious. I liked the idea of Tyki having a double life in DGM because of something Christine said. It's because of what she said here about freedom that in the real DGM he has a human, poor life with human poor friends. He's trying to understand what she said that night. This is it, in my head at least ^^''
Now I'll begin writing next chapter, so…
Goodnight guys!
Eris92 (excited because she has written everything she wanted to for once XD)