Why am I always so slow and busy? In any case, I got inspired to write again after sorting through a whole bunch of schoolwork. Don't you hate it when life's so freaking busy? But I love you guys. Seriously. You keep reviewing me and I would be honoured if I could bare each and every one of you's next generation. Thank you.
And the main thing you readers have been wondering... will Marik survive the sacrifice? Or will he die? And so, with a pessimistic chapter title, it's time for you to read on!
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Chapter Thirty-Four: And So I Lost My Mind
Marik's POV
"It's time for the final ceremony of the Ishtar clan."
You could easily place a freeze frame here. Then you take a look at the eyes of everyone around me and the whole world comes tumbling down. And you realise in that very instant that this is the last trial to overcome. Maybe not the last trial I ever face in my life, should I live to see past this sacrifice but... the last trial of this story. And in this freeze frame, it feels like my life is flashing before my eyes. I could only stare.
I remember the very first day I came to Domino High. My original plan was to lay low and be antisocial. Yet the instant I began to form negative opinions of the students, I received a tap on the shoulder.
"Sadly for you, it's more like the latter."
Those were the very first words Bakura had spoken to me. I didn't realise back then but he read my mind. In the first few moments of knowing him, he was reading my mind as I was examining him, making judgements and making notes on his and Ryou's appearances. I was formulating all this in my brain and thinking very highly of myself, while Bakura just stood there amused by it all. And the way he seemed so knowing irritated me. Yet I was probably drawn to him for exactly those annoying quirks.
Yes, I did dislike Bakura. I disliked him, I disliked him, I wanted to be his best friend. When he told me he could read my mind, there were a few things running through my mind. At first I disbelieved him as one would. But the evidence to support his words became overwhelming.
The second thought however... it was that I was the only one whose mind he could read. I became the centre of attention. It was so fucking strange to me – I wanted to stay in the shadows and go by unnoticed but I also wanted to be someone's entire world. Why else did I not make an effort to escape? Once the secret was out, Bakura and I became much closer. And I sensed it; that he was heavily interested in me. At first, it would've been just for my memories and the Sennen Items. But for some reason, I didn't feel threatened enough by this.
For Bakura's friendship seemed to be the only thing right about my life. It was so perfect. Even though we got into fights, we also had many great moments as friends. We bantered and laughed and had that unique connection that nobody else in this world could ever have.
I remember when Bakura and Seto got into some retarded bet over me. Come to think of it, those two were never on the same side about anything. And it was always somehow connected to me. The bet at school that was done without anyone giving a fuck about how I felt about it all. And then the race to get my memories back. The way I left Bakura... fuck, I wish I never left him like that. If I could, I would redo everything and yet nothing at the same time.
These facts were set in stone. My name is Marik Ishtar and I bear the scars that symbolise my entire life from beginning to end. How I lived my life is something I could never take back. But I can't say this was the way I wanted to live.
While I do love Bakura, that was also partially due to the way my life turned out. The paths I went down just happened to lead me to him. But if the paths were altered slightly, I could be with Ryou or Anzu or even Otogi! I don't believe in the 'one'. Say I did live – the paths could still turn me from Bakura to falling for Seto. There's just no telling. And the way I speak as if life could still go on after this one last trial only shows one thing.
I want to live.
I want to live!
People want me to live past this trial, they really do.
And when you look into this freeze frame and see many pained expressions, I only know one thing. I am ending something and creating a new beginning. This is the last trial because the moment the sacrifice procedure is through, a new story begins. Who will be the main characters? What problems will they have to overcome? How will everything play out towards the ending? So many questions.
I want to live.
I'm determined to live.
I will see myself through to the next story.
That is why I have to move forward towards this ending. I don't know what the beginning will look like. I don't know if I'll wake up. But I'll make it somehow. I will be there in the future, living it up. And I will find new tests and trials to overcome.
"Marik, we are ready to proceed," Shadi spoke, ending the moment in time I froze myself in. I blinked and saw that the Sennen Items were in place. "Please lie here. You will fall into a deep sleep. From there, I cannot judge what will happen to you. I can only hope you meant what you said regarding the way to live past the sacrifice. Nobody knows if there is a way, for no Ishtar has tested it."
"I'm up for any kind of experimentation at this point, Shadi," I responded, leaping up onto the platform. "Uh... It starts when I lie down, right?"
"That is correct," Shadi nodded.
"I-I-I want to have last words..!" Mana sobbed; Yugi shooting me a similarly upset look. I glanced around them all and nodded. "Please come back aliveeeee..!" she bawled. Shit, she's setting Yugi and Ryou off too.
"Um... kay..?" Wow, my response to that was pathetic.
"Brother..." Ishizu gazed at me. "I thank you for freeing our clan. I thank you in place of the many generations to come." Rishid nodded, seemingly thinking the same thing.
Yami stared at me. "You need a clear resolve, Marik. Your reason for living. Let it guide you through this sacrificial process."
"I don't need you telling me that! I already know," I retorted, stretching my arms. Ryou turned to Bakura expectantly and nudged him to speak. He didn't say anything. "...Hey Bakura. I love you."
Everyone went quiet. Oh, was that the first time I'd really said it in front of a huge group? Fuck it. I don't care at this point. It's true. I love Bakura and it's true. Ha, his cheeks flushed red. Excellent. That's the kind of expression I like seeing before I go...
"Come back alive, bastard. I don't want you to die and be reincarnated into some new idiot for me to find. I want you and your everything. So take that sacrifice and make it work for you. You are not the sacrifice's bitch. The sacrifice is your bitch!" I burst out laughing at these words. Bakura, you're so bloody brilliant. I want to live, I want you and I want your everything. And I want our minds to connect the way it used to one last time. More than anything.
"You were supposed to say 'I love you', fag," I responded the instant I could calm my laughter down.
"But you already know it. Now hurry up or we'll be here forever."
"Okaaaaaay," I chuckled, slowly lowering myself.
"Just... What the hell will I do without you?" Bakura asked, his voice suddenly turning much more negative. I think my heart died just a little at that. No, he can't go like this! "Don't even answer; I don't know either."
"I'll succeed in my experiment!" I snapped at him, sitting up again. "I'll succeed and then you'll never ever know the answer!"
Yet I don't know perfectly well what's up ahead. No one does. But they all assume that the one with the Tombkeeper's Initiation is one with the Sennen Items. If one is destroyed, the other leaves with them. However, too many people fear death. In reality, there are not many who realise their potential to be a hero. And yet it is because of this that everything has happened. Every chapter of my life up until now has happened because my predecessors were too afraid to face up to the uncertain. It's pathetic, so pathetic.
At least I can be the first Ishtar to die honourably. Yes... there's that.
And so, with a nod, I lay back on the platform. I could see that the platform was rising, but my body numbed and glowed. The more it raised, the dimmer the light. And when my body was only mere inches away from the spike that I assumed would end my days on earth, everything went black.
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When I was granted the opportunity to open my eyes, my eyelids threw a spaz. Blink blink blink. Stare. What the fuck? Everything's so blue. I was floating in a void of blue. Wait, no. The Sennen Items, one by one, were dancing in a ring around me. My back felt flat – which made sense, I guess. The last time I knew anything of what was around me; I was lying on that circular platform of sorts. So uh, what's next? Do I sit up or um, what the fucking shit am I supposed to do now?
Or am I already dead? And when people die, they get chuckled into smurf-coloured worlds? I really don't have the faintest clue. But I tried sitting up. Nope, can't seem to do that, I don't have the strength.
And that's when the figure of all hatred emerged in front of me. He hovered directly above me and a portal of shining white appeared behind him. If it weren't for him, I think I'd be blinded. He joined hands with me and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't escape his grasp. What the fuck? Is he going to kill me?
"Nothing of the sort," he replied in the most bitter of voices. I stared incredulously. "Why would I let you pass? If you die, then I will as well. I need you to survive. So I'm not moving. Your sacrifice will not work! I've been alive for centuries and it's not going to end because of a stupid teenager who thinks he's the Ishtar clan's saviour!"
"Let me pass!" That just sealed it for me. I want this bastard to die! If me dying will kill him also, I'll do it! This embodiment of hatred cannot possess one more person! The spirit laughed a maniac's laugh. But I'm serious! This spirit possessed my body into killing my father and into hurting Seto..! What if he manages to gain full control of my body? What if he hurts more of the people who are most dear to me? "Let me pass! I don't care if we both die! I hate you anyway! I hate the Sennen Items! All you and those fucking items do is ruin lives. I'm sick of you! Just die!"
Then I felt both of our bodies and the Items get lifted upwards, getting closer to the light. And the spirit scowled deeper than ever before. Never had an expression been so truly etched with total and utter hate. But I don't care! It'll die with me!
"And that's exactly why we'll both die! Do you even know what needs to be sacrificed?" he snapped furiously. He leaned in closer to me. "The requirements are the mind, body and soul! The Tombkeeper's Initiation can only unlock this process, which is why it's assumed only the likes of you can carry this task out!"
But why? Why is he telling me this? He... Oh my fucking god. The spirit won't live past the sacrifice. If I end the process without finishing it, he'll survive. And that's the only way he'll survive. "I know why you're worried. You know I'm going t take you down with me!" I declared with a smirk upon my lips. But wait... he does have a point. The requirements... And the more hate I feel, that must be somehow that links me too tightly with the spirit. If I could just break away...
I got it!
It doesn't have to be me! I don't have to die! But that's only if my theory is correct.
Staring up at the spirit, I asked possibly the most important question of my life.
"Can I sacrifice someone other than myself, so long as I am in this void?"
I want to sacrifice him. I want to sacrifice the spirit. And in the instant I thought such a thing, he looked truly panicked. His eyes widened and instead of the hateful stare, I saw an expression of distraught. He'd lived so long. The spirit thought he could live forever and ever.
However, I've deduced something. And it appears the idiotic embodiment of hatred is well, fucking wrong.
"You wouldn't..!"
I would.
If this succeeds, I'll live!
Bakura, I'll live!
I'll live I'll live I'll live I'll live!
I'll be so alive that well... fuck it! The point is... this is all experimentation! Bakura, I know what to do! Many bodies were used for the Sennen Items! I can reuse them! So even if I die, my body should still be intact. But no, I'll live! Because I also have a soul to get rid of...
"Every single body that went towards these Sennen Items... I sacrifice!" I yelled loud and clear. The spirit and I looked around us as the Sennen Items hurled themselves towards the white portal light above us. And just like that, one by one, they disappeared from sight. But they weren't destroyed yet, I could sense that. The spirit clenched his teeth, unable to do a thing. And trust me; he was trying to do something.
But he didn't have power over me. No. Dear spirit, I'm ready to separate myself from you.
"No..! You can't get rid of me! I've been a part of you for so long! I've been linked to the Ishtar clan my entire fucking life..!" But these desperate cries of his didn't matter to me in the slightest. It was like with Pegasus. Everything was fucking useless. I made it this way. I'm so devious. Bakura would love me so much right now, ha. "Shut the fuck up about Bakura..! Just die then! You probably will anyway!"
"A soul needs to go... and there's two of them right here," I explained. "A sacrifice calls for the death of someone. What makes up a person is the mind, body and soul, isn't that right? That's what you said. Why did you tell me that? You can credit yourself for your death. For a soul is all you are, really. It's all you ever were. You can't complain about dying if you weren't really alive..!"
"I'll kill you..! I'll take you down with me..!"
"And you can't," I grinned. "The spirit above me shall be the soul... I sacrifice..!"
He screamed. He roared. He bellowed. He cried.
But nothing stopped his hands being ripped from mine and the entire body of the spirit being thrust into the white portal. He faded into the light.
...He's gone.
A wave of relief washed over me, but not for long.
A mind needs to be sacrificed...
...I'm the only one here.
Shit! If only Pegasus hadn't had his memories erased; I could've sacrificed his mind..! But the others... Ishizu, Rishid, Mana, Shadi... Yami, Yugi, Ryou... I couldn't make them lose their minds. Yami can't go through it a second time.
And Bakura, I definitely wouldn't. But... if I sacrifice my mind... what'll happen from there? I'm scared... I'm freaking out now.
Two thirds of the sacrifice is already done! The Sennen Items represented the body... and the spirit represented the soul. It's just the mind left... I don't want to lose my mind again! I don't want to go through regaining my memories again. I don't want to forget everything I've been through just to save the Ishtar clan!
I don't want to forget all the good times I've been through, or even the bad times which I learned from.
I don't want to forget my family, who have been taking care of me as I grew up.
I don't want to forget the friends I've made, who have supported me.
And I don't want to forget Bakura. Everything about Bakura. I don't want to forget his ups and downs, the mistakes, the laughs we've had, the everything we've had. I don't want to forget anything..! But the only mind left is my own! No..! I may as well just die..! I don't want to lose my mind..! That goes so much deeper than memories; it's something not even Kisara could fully recover. Because when I lost my memories, they were more edited and blocked off. But if I sacrifice my mind, it's a total mind wipe. Bam. Nothing to recover from.
But I have no other option. "The mind of Marik Ishtar... I—"
Marik-san..!
What?
Marik-san, Marik-san..! It's Ryou... Can you hear me?
What? Of course I fucking can! Can you hear me?
If you can... I can't tell. But I'll try. Bakura said that he heard your voice... he heard your voice! And... you need a mind to sacrifice!
I'm listening, oh hell, I'm listening! There's no way I can't listen! Thank fucking Ra for Ryou's telepathy! Wait, but how could Bakura have heard me? I thought that would be impossible. I thought his powers got taken away..!
Bakura's flying up towards you. He's carrying Shadi. We're going to try something so um... please hang in there!
What? What are they going to try?
Suddenly a hand appeared from nowhere and grasped my own. Then another hand. What? My mind... is being entered? No, the void's being entered? What's going on?
The next thing I knew, Shadi was hovering above me in the way the spirit did before. Except there was no malice in his eyes. "Shadi? What are you doing here?"
"...My entire life has been dedicated to the Sennen Items," he spoke in a monotone voice.
"Wha?" I stared at him with a quizzical expression.
"Unlike yourself, there is nothing for me when the Sennen Items are gone. If it is possible, sacrifice my mind." What? He can't just make such a request! No, I couldn't do this to him..! "Please, Marik Ishtar. There is little more for me."
"I don't want to be the one responsible for you losing your mind..!" I responded, desperate for an alternative solution. But... it's either my mind or his. I don't want to make this decision! I really don't..!
"Say it, Marik! Do it now! I have no regrets."
I felt my eyes tear up. I'm so sorry... I'm so sorry... Why do I have to do this so quickly? I'm not even being given a chance to think over it all with a clear mind...
"The mind of Shadi..." I squeezed my eyes shut. "I sacrifice..!"
But my eyes could only fly open as Shadi let go of my hands, his body flying upwards towards the white portal. And he too disappeared. The portal began to close and as it closed, I felt myself get further and further away from it at a rapid pace. Down, down, down, down and I could sense everything coming to an end, everything was ending -
- and my world went black once more.
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And that's the end of the chapter! Will Marik ever wake up now that the sacrifice has been completed? Only the next update will tell.
And so the review button compels you, does it not? Yes yes it compels you. Marik might not wake up without reviews /shot atrociously
Adios!
Mel-Girl.