*Chapter 2: Everyone Comes to Warner's*
French Morocco, 1941. Refugees from all over war-torn Europe settle in Casablanca, desperately trying to reach the still neutral United States. The local nightclub provides a brief haven for the weary travelers..
xxxxxxx
Sitting within a local African bazaar that was teeming with various peoples was a large but homely cantina and Soda Jerk parlor. Greeting all visiting patrons and guests that passed through the large French doors was Ralph, dressed in a white dapper suit and a red velvet fez on the top of his bald head.
"Duuuh, welcomes to Warner's Café Américain folks." he announced.
Going around the cantina serving beverages, was Dot. She was clad in a 40's style dress and drove around a small trolley cart.
"Ice Tea, Milkshake, Club Soda, Monster?" she called out to anyone interested.
"Monster?" one customer asked confusedly.
The Warner sister then pulled out a small white box. Upon opening it, a big, green, and red eyed monster popped out and gave the unfortunate fellow quite a scare.
"BLLLLAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGG!"
Then, just as it quickly emerged, the beast shrinked back into its box.
"Thank you." Dot said sweetly. "That'll be a nickel."
The now shaken customer handed her the 5 cents before finally fainting onto the floor.
Meanwhile, leaning against the counter with her eyes gliding across the printed pages of a Time magazine, was Rem. She was dressed in a white collared blouse, navy blue plaid skirt with a light blue tie and grey hand and fingerless gloves. Behind the counter, cleaning root beer glasses and in a tan zoot suit, was Yakko.
"Ohh, Rem." he called out.
"What?" the teen responded dryly.
"Ya think you could take over for Wakko for a sec?"
The elder Warner pointed to the now lonely piano sitting by itself.
"Couldn't I just play something on cello?" Rem asked. "I'm not very good on the piano."
"Uh-huh...have you ever tried it?" Yakko inquired.
"Sure, when I was learning to read music."
She then pulled a cello out of her hammer space.
"Oh I get it, you won't play zany, nutty, and jazzy tunes on a piano, but you'll play 'em on a stinkin' cello." Yakko bemoaned.
"Yup. That's pretty much it." Rem frankly replied.
She started playing Hall of the Mountain King on the instrument by picking at the strings with her fingers at a slow but passive pace.
"Eeehhhhh, I don't think so." Yakko quirked, before turning to his left. "Oh Rochester!"
"Yeeesss, boss?" a man replied while coming over to him.
"I need ya to take over for-"
Suddenly, Rem whipped out a cello bow and began revving the strings with it.
(Now Playing: Hall of the Mountain King by Apocalypta)
Both Yakko and Rochester stared at Rem as she played the tune at a very heightened speed. Everyone else also turned around and stared in shock at the teen's playing. Yakko however was not amused. He folded his arms and arched an eyebrow. He knew that she was just showing off, which was rarity. For her at least.
"Boy, that sure is fast." Rochester marveled.
Rem meanwhile, had her eyes closed and was biting her lip as she played.
"Okay Rem, I think we get the point now." Yakko finally said.
(End Music)
The teen ceased in her 'hard core' demonstration. A few seconds later, Wakko zipped onto the scene.
"*huff-huff* Sorry I'm late." the middle Warner rasped.
"Nevermind, Rochester." Yakko said.
"Okay, boss." Rochester said before walking off.
Then Wakko plopped onto the piano bench and warmed up with Chopsticks by literally taking out two pairs of chopsticks to play on the keys. Afterward, he led the band into Knock on Wood.
"See? Your brother's the freakin' piano whiz." Rem pointed out.
"Uh-huh. Why don'tcha clean those glasses over there, Miss Whiz. Yakko playfully quipped.
Then teen let out a sigh and went to the other side of the counter. Meanwhile Dot came over with her trolley cart.
"Fill up." she told Yakko, holding out a huge root beer glass.
Her brother in turn, took out a large hose, resembling a gasoline nozzle and filled the glass with soda almost to the rim. Dot then placed the root beer glass back on her trolley and went about her way. A few minutes later, Pinky and the Brain, both dressed in blue suits climbed atop of the counter.
"Excuse me." Brain called out.
"What can I help ya with?" Yakko replied.
"I need some assistance getting these Letters of Transit to a contact of mine."
"Yeah, NARF!" Pinky added. "He's gonna visit his nana in Switzerland with cookies and milk! Ha ha ha ha!"
The taller mouse was answered with a whack to the head by his partner.
"Hmmm, that wouldn't be those super secret letters that the guys in black are lookin' for would it?" Yakko purred.
"Seriously, why would you care?" Rem said in the background.
"It is most urgent that my contact get these documents before they are discovered by the authorities." Brain insisted.
"Alright, alright." Yakko relented. "Who's the snitch?"
"Mr. Otto von Scratchansniff, the head of the resistance."
"Figures." Rem said.
After receiving the sensitive papers from the two mice, Yakko gave the teen a look and scooted over to her.
"Hey, Rem." the toon sang lowly. "I don't know about you, but, eehhhhh, I think someone suggested to me that you were once into the Backstreet Boys."
That instantly blew a fuse.
"WHAT THE FUCK-?!"
Before Rem could begin her rant, Yakko slapped a 'CENSORED' tape on her mouth.
"You got yourself a deal." Yakko told Brain. "So where do I find this guy?"
"His train should be in soon." the large craniumed mouse said. "Remember to keep those letters hidden!"
With that, the due made their exit.
"Oh Dot!" Yakko called out.
His sister came zipping back to the counter.
"Put these in a special place." the elder Warner instructed.
"Okay." Dot replied.
She took the Letters of Transit and placed them inside the piano that Wakko was playing on. Then, after locking the instrument with a silver padlock, Dot went over to her second oldest brother stepped on his foot, causing him to open his mouth and dumped the key inside him like a trashcan.
"Mmmm, deeelicious!" Wakko quipped after licking his lips.
A few minutes later, a couple entered the cantina. It was Otto von Scratchansniff, trying to remain inconspicuous. With him was his sullen looking blonde wife, Ilsa Nurse.
"Duuuh, welcomes to Warner's." Ralph greeted.
The pair went to a table that was near Wakko's piano and took a seat. The middle Warner quickly took notice of Ilsa Nurse and jumped out of his bench.
"HEEELLLLOOOO, NURSE!" Wakko exclaimed, leaping into the blonde's arms.
Von Scratchansniff was not amused.
"GIT OFF OF MY VIFE!" he shouted, shaking his fist.
Wakko merely shrugged and simply slid out of Ilsa Nurse's arms and back onto the piano bench.
"Eh, vhy don't you vait vhile I get zome service, dear?" von Scratchansniff told his wife.
He got up from the table, leaving Nurse alone to listen to Wakko playing a soft tune on the piano.
"Hello, Sam." she called out.
"My name's Wakko." the red capped toon replied.
"Play that song."
"You mean this song?"
He started playing the Looney Tunes theme on the piano.
"No, no, no, no." Nurse protested. "Play As Time Goes By."
Suddenly Wakko gave an expression of severe anxiety.
"Uhhh, I'm not allowed to play that song." he nervously replied while tugging at his shirt collar.
"Pleeeaase?" the blonde pleaded.
Wakko gave in.
"Oh okay." he sighed.
With great caution, the middle Warner started to play As Time Goes By on the piano. Almost immediately, it caught the attention of his elder brother all the way from the counter. But when he turned towards the piano, his eyes met with Ilsa Nurse's. Instantly, Yakko was hit with a flashback of memories of all the 'good times' he shared with her. It ended with the unhappy memory of her ditching him at the train station. Only receiving a parting letter from her. Meanwhile, Rem, who went back into the pages of her Time magazine, noticed Yakko's strange behavior. Then the teen noticed Ilsa Nurse.
"Oh look, Warner." she mused sarcastically. "It's your ex."
"Put a sock in it, Roth." Yakko lowly hissed.
A few seconds later, he zipped straight to the piano.
"I thought I told you to never play that song!" the elder Warner jabbed.
"This song?" Wakko asked, before playing the Tiny Toon Adventures theme.
"No, I meant As Time Goes By."
"Oh. Well, she made me do it."
The red capped toon pointed at the blonde.
"Hello, Yakko.." Ilsa Nurse said softly.
"Hello, Nurse." Yakko replied kind of coldly.
XXXXXXX
Later that evening, the Warner quartet was alone in the cantina. Wakko was still playing away at the piano while Yakko and Dot sat at a table. Rem was meandering about behind the counter. As Dot was figuring the tabs on a sheet of paper, her eldest brother, looking like a mess, poured himself another glass of root beer.
"Of all the soda joints, in all the towns, in all the world, she walks into mine." he groaned.
"Is that what's eatin' ya?" Dot asked. "I thought it was the Lakers losing the season."
"You could just talk to her." Wakko suggested as he leaned from the bench.
"I could..."
"And tell her to take a hike." Dot added. "I mean really. She uses way too much hair spray."
Suddenly they heard glass breaking from the counter.
"...shit!"
"Rem? Whaddya doin' back there? Yakko called out.
"Uhhhh, nothing." Rem quickly responded while shooting up. "Nothing you need to worry about. Just dropped a stupid shot glass."
"Oh okay."
Then a mental flag popped up in the Warners' heads.
"Wait a sec, why do you have a shot glass?!" Yakko questioned.
"Just...for decoration...and, uh stuff." Rem stammered.
"Wakko..." Dot said under her breath, prompting the red capped toon to rise up from his piano and head over to the counter to investigate.
"Where's that mini-vac you put back here?" the teen asked.
Then Wakko discovered what she had hidden behind the counter.
"She's drinking saké!" he gasped out.
"WHAT?" Yakko exclaimed as he and Dot went straight to the counter.
"Oh come on!" Rem cried.
"Rem, where the heck didja get saké?!"
"...somewhere."
"And how much have you had, young lady?!" Dot demanded.
"Just a freaking nip! For God sakes, Grams used to give me a little. Tell me you guys have never sampled brandy before."
"You'd be surprised." Yakko said with an arched eyebrow.
Suddenly the front doors of the cantina burst open and rushing inside breathlessly was Ilsa Nurse.
"Yakko, you must help me!" she cried.
"Sorry lady, but the Café closes at 8." Dot said while holding up a sundial.
"They've arrested my husband, von Scratchansniff." Nurse continued.
"Sorry tootse, I never stick my neck out for anyone." Yakko flatly said.
"Please help me. For old time's sake?"
Both Yakko and Dot exchanged glances.
"Oh alright." the elder Warner relented. "But you own me a quarter for that chocolate malt."
Meanwhile Rem scooted over to Dot.
"Nice acting, I'll give her that." the teen whispered in the Warner sister's ear. "But nowhere near as convincing as you."
"You better believe it, sister." Dot remarked.
XXXXXXX
At a local station, Otto von Scratchansniff was being interrogated by General Plotzenstein.
"Now, Mister von Scratchansniff, it's been brought to my attention that you have Letters of Transit that were stolen from executives in your possession." the stout man said while pacing up and down.
"I...I have no idea vhat you are talking about." von Scratchansniff nervously stammered.
"DON'T LIE, VON SCRATCHANSNIFF! I'VE HAD RELIABLE SOURCES POINT ME TO YOU!"
The interrogation was interrupted by a knock at the door. When another guard tried to answer it, he was instead crushed into the wall as the door was slammed open.
"What on earth are you doing here?!" Plotzenstein exclaimed.
"You've got the wrong guy, TP." Yakko suavely told the general. "In fact, we know who's really got those letters."
"Oh really? You know who had the stolen Letters of Transit?"
"Oh, those letters."
Then the taller Warner turned to a mustachioed man wearing a striped shirt and a black beret on his head.
"Sorry Pierre, we won't be needing those love letters after all." Yakko said.
"But stop by the Water Tower anytime!" Dot insisted.
General Plotzenstein let out a growl.
"You stupid kids!" he exclaimed. "This is a serious offense!"
"Relax, we'll help ya find your letters." Yakko smoothly replied.
"Yeah, we know just who might have them." Dot added.
Rem raised an eyebrow.
This oughta be interesting...
xxxxxxx
10 minutes later, the Warner quartet led General Plotzenstein to the bazaar where a few vendors and people were still hanging around.
"Alright, TP. You'll find the 'usual suspects' here." Yakko pointed out.
"But there's so many people here." Plotzenstein protested. "How are gonna find him?"
"And that's why officers conduct a wonderful thing called 'an investigation'." Rem retorted.
"There he goes right now!" Wakko cried out.
The middle Warner pointed to the Mime as he was mimicking all the people that were passing by.
"HALT! In the name of the law!" Plotzenstein exclaimed.
He and two other officers instantly jumped the unfortunate Mime. They were quickly enveloped by a grey cloud until Plotzenstein finally had the Mime pinned.
"You are under arrest!" the general said.
Then out of nowhere, a giant anvil fell and landed on them.
"Eeeehhhh, I think our work here is done." Yakko quipped.
XXXXXXX
Much later that night, Otto von Scratchansniff, his wife, and the Warner quartet arrived at the airway station. Announcements from the P.A. called for intended passengers to board the plane now before it was time for the aircraft to depart.
"Zank you for za help." von Scratchansniff said gratefully.
"And I think these might help ya get around." Yakko said, pulling some papers out of his trench coat.
"Za Letterz of Tranzit? You had them all these time?"
"Tickets for two aboard the Pam Am Airways." Dot added.
"Flight 43 last chance boarding." a voice on the P.A. rang out.
"Eh, come along, dear." von Scratchansniff urged Ilsa Nurse. "Ve better hurry."
As he headed into the plane, a hurt Ilsa Nurse turned towards Yakko.
"You're not coming?" she asked.
"Look tootse, you gotta go with von Scratchansniff. If you're not on that plane with him, you're gonna regret it. Maybe not today, but soon and forever. Where I'm going, you can't follow, and what I gotta do you can't be any part of. I ain't good being noble, but it doesn't take much to see the problems of four or five people in this world. Here's lookin' at you, kid."
"Which put simply, means no." Rem said.
"Goodbye, Yakko." Nurse said sorrowfully.
With that, the blonde boarded the plane and minutes later took off from the runway. The Warner quartet watched until the aircraft was out of sight.
"So Rem, exactly how many times did your grandma give ya saké?" Yakko asked.
"Oh are we back that bullshit again?!" Rem exclaimed in disbelief. "For the last freaking time, it was only for special occasions and she just gave me a VERY small shot of it! I don't get what the big deal is."
"The deal is little missy, that you ain't having anymore while you're under our roof." Dot said rather sternly.
The teen suppressed a frustrated growl.
Whatever, this is stupid. It's not like I abuse it...
Meanwhile, the group was being closely watched from afar on a rooftop by a certain pair of mice.
"Observe, Pinky. My plans to get those exit visas to my contact has pulled off quite splendidly."
"ZORT! You think they still get free bags of peanuts on an airplane, Brain? I just love peanuts!
"Come, Pinky. We must plan for tomorrow night."
"Why, Brain? What are we gonna do tomorrow night?"
"Same thing we do every night, Pinky. Prepare for the next phase in which we take over the world!"
They're Pinky, they're Pinky and the Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain, Brain.
AN: Probably not my best but meh. Anyway this is obviously a parody of the movie Casablanca. The title of the chapter is based on the original title of the play on which the movie is based, Everyone Comes to Rick's.
People have been asking when Dr. Frankeninni is coming back. I ask you guys not to worry. He will be making a return soon ;)