He tries to hold her hand on the train.
She's too tense to really feel the affection in the gesture. Just his grip, heavy and strong, reaches her mind. She feels trapped.
Her heart swells up into her throat.
They wander the cars for most of the journey, avoiding each other. Haymitch is too upset to drink. He fumes, clutching a full glass of something that smells like it could peel paint. Yet he doesn't sip. He glowers at Effie, who seems to be writing something.
Peeta stares out the window glumly. Effie's furious scratching pen is driving them all to madness.
Katniss can't help but be curious, and peers over her taffeta-clad shoulder.
Effie smiles, exposing perfect white teeth.
"An advice column." She says primly, her chest swelling with pride. "Specializing in etiquette. People write in for the proper protocol for an event and I give tips and suggestions. It's nice to feel useful."
"It really is." Katniss's eyes glaze over at the every perfect detail outlined in an answer about place settings for entertaining higher-ups at work. But it makes Effie happy, and it really is what she was meant for.
She pats Effie's shoulder gently. "I'm happy for you, Effie. This is the perfect thing for you to be doing."
"Manners are never out of fashion, like I always say." Effie smiles though, straightening the stacks of papers. Capitol women seem to desperately need advice on the proper way to butter a roll or what color suggests respect.
Katniss bites back a smile. Effie can be useful, to some people. Katniss can't help but be happy this silly woman is needed somewhere.
Katniss and Peeta wordlessly part into separate bedrooms at night. She can't sleep without him, but needs…space.
The dreaded word.
She never wanted for there to be a time where she sought separation. She just needed to think things over.
She felt they reverted to some terrible time, where they had to try things and test the limits of touch on each others bodies. It makes her nervous.
Because he was unsure if she was his.
Which frustrated her beyond belief, because how many ways was she supposed to say it?
She finally sits in the chair across from him as he stares out the window, covering his mouth with his hand.
He smiles at her gently, raising his brows like he expects her to speak.
"I love you." she says quietly. Haymitch and Effie are bickering a few feet away. She's not sure how she feels about them knowing.
"I love you too."
He stares back at her. God, she wants to touch him, she really does.
His bright eyes and lovely skin and his hands…
He notices her staring, the multiple times she swallows thickly and the flutter of her eyelids.
His lips twitch upwards, and its the least forced his smile has been in ages.
"Well, if I didn't know any better, I'd think you weren't scared of me anymore."
She blushes, glancing out the window.
"You're the one who wants me to be yours."
He raises his eyebrows.
"…I just mean, I was wondering what that would require of me." She twists the fabric of her skirt.
He closes his eyes, sighing deeply. The sigh can not be described as melancholy, disappointed, frustrated, or anything negative. The sigh curls in her spine, cascading down her bloodstream.
"You're going to get us in so much trouble." He groans. "What do you want to know?"
"Well, what was it you thought about. Doing to me, when you got like that."
She focuses on the blur of trees out the window.
He clears his throat. "Control played a big part of it."
"Would you…hurt me…?"
He closes his eyes.
"Not that I remember."
"Then what?' she says loudly.
She turns pink, retracting into her chair.
"If you want to talk about what the darkest parts of my mind planned on doing to you, we can talk in private." He points out quietly. His voice is dark. It makes her heart race.
She grows flustered, only because part of her wants to know.
"I was just wondering, why now…?"
He sighs. "You know what I want now? You want to know why this came back?"
She nods stiffly, trying to look like she's casually curious.
He bites his lip. "I want to marry you."
She stares at him, dumbfounded. "This is what made you attack me like that?"
"No, but I was having a nightmare that you left. You just…never let me close to you. I don't know. I get scared sometimes. So while I can't control myself, I try to control you."
"I'm not going anywhere. I'm as much yours as I am my own. Peeta…I feel like marriage isn't going to change what we are. What we have."
He nods. "I know. But I like the word." He smiles sadly. "There's something really sexy about calling you my wife."
She gulps at this, her face growing flushed.
"Well, how about I tell you that it's going to be what you can call me, someday."
"I wasn't proposing right now. I'd like you to think I'm a bit more romantic than that."
"I wasn't accepting a marriage proposal. More a proposal of a proposal."
"We are getting really good at planning."
"We'll have a June weddin' with garlands." She brings a limp-wristed hand to her bosom, swooning.
He laughs, loudly. Effie glances up at them. Katniss shakes her head, laughing. Explanations for another time.
When Effie looks away, Katniss smiles warmly at him.
"If you propose to me on camera, you great romantic, I may be forced to leave you."
He wrinkles his nose. "Honestly, I wouldn't blame you. Unless you were planning to propose to me that way. I may be a bit disappointed."
"Oh no." she closes her eyes and chuckles. "Don't tell me you're going to be one of those brides."
"It's not like you are. One of us has to have their special day."
She shakes her head.
"You're making elopement sound really, really nice right now."
"Run away and get married? Who are we running from? The cat?"
She smirks, kicking his leg gently.
"Careful there, don't question the bride."
He smirks. "You really are going to be one of those brides."
She smiles, feeling warm and tingly. Her feet are jumpy. This accepted proposal of a proposal is making her a bit more giddy than she'd like to admit.
He kisses her hand gently and goes back to staring out the window. They catch each other staring at one another every few minutes, each of them getting a turn to blush and look away.
They near their destination. Katniss sees a shape on the platform.
Dark, wild hair and a white billowing dress. That's the only person Katniss sees on the platform. She sees another, smaller person wrapped in a blanket in the woman's arms. Annie and her baby.
A/N I wanted Effie to be happy. Good old Effie. I'm sorry I was gone for so long. I'm trying to get this finished up.
Whoa. This wedding stuff came out of nowhere. Hope it doesn't feel out of place.
On an unrelated note, my goal for 2013 is to read 100 books. Yep. I'm insane. But I have 8 down already. The reason I bring this up, Hunger Games fans, is if you have any recommendations. Goodreads is failing me in that department. So if you have any character/relationship heavy books you love, let me know. We can discuss them and it'd be real fun. Also, friend me on goodreads! Reading parties!
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