Chapter Thirty Seven
When we entered the cantina Carth went searching for a vendor while I pushed through numerous drunken humans and aliens in search of the Jawa from before, or any Jawa for that matter. Instead of finding a Jawa I found Carth receiving his datapad back from a vendor. He said.
"So you found your Jawa?"
"Huh? No… not yet."
"Then you might want to look down. I'm starting to think these Jawas like me."
He motioned toward his leg. A small Jawa was in the midst of tugging at Carth's pants. I couldn't help but smile as I said.
"There's no doubt now that they like you. Maybe we can use this one's like for you to convince him to help us find the Star Map?"
"Sure, as long as I don't have to do anything … odd. Use that HK-47 of yours."
I met the Jawa's glowing eyes.
"We couldn't speak properly before but now I have a translator. I need help locating an ancient artifact…"
The Jawa interrupted, speaking so fast I couldn't catch a single word. HK turned to me.
"Translation: He wants our help. His leader Iziz would like to speak with us. His leader might know about the artifact we're looking for."
"Where can we find Iziz?"
The Jawa spoke again.
"Translation: Iziz is at the city gate right now. He is at the city gate often."
"Thank you for the information."
The Jawa removed itself from Carth's pants and scurried off into the crowded depths of the cantina. The streets were barely lit as we made our way to the city gate. I knew it was too late to go into the desert. At the gate I instantly recognized the Jawa by noticing those glowing eyes. To his right stood a human Czerka guard seemingly intent on preventing anyone from entering the desert. I bent down to eye level and spoke to the Jawa.
"One of your people said I should talk to you, said you would help me find a Star Map."
When Iziz spoke I understood a lot better than with the other Jawa. This one was speaking a common trade language but he spoke too fast. HK looked at me.
"Translation: There is a ninety eight percent chance he wants our help dealing with giants made of sand. He says they are taking away Jawas. He wants us to infiltrate their enclave and bring back the Jawas unharmed. If this is done he will tell us where to find what we are looking for. He says his people have long scavenged among you and those who came before."
Curiously I asked.
"And what is the other two percent?"
"Statement: There is a two percent probability that the miniature organic is simply looking for trouble and needs to be blasted. That may be wishful thinking on my part, master."
I ignored HK's previous comment, instead listening intently to what Iziz next said.
"With the group that digs, we trade and are free. With the People of the Sand, we serve and die. We prefer you."
As HK was about to translate I said.
"It's okay. I understand him if I focus. If I don't catch something, I'll ask."
"Statement: As you wish, master."
The Jawa spoke.
"If you help us, we help you find what you're looking for. Long have we scavenged among you and those who came before."
Looking at him, I responded.
"We will help you first thing tomorrow. Considering I don't want to die of dehydration in the Dune Sea, I need you to tell me where to look for your people."
"You head south you reach People of the Sand. Make sure my people are unharmed. When they return, I will help you."
Having come to an agreement with Iziz I decided to see if the Czerka guard would let us out. Walking up to him, I asked.
"Will you open the gate?"
Stoically he said.
"Leaving the city isn't allowed without Czerka authorization, however if you want to leave Tatooine, you're free to go at any time. The only ones allowed into the desert are ore miners, and Czerka hired hunters. If you are either, I need to see proof. Do you have a hunting license?"
I felt like punching him both because he was Czerka and since getting into the desert to complete the mission became more complicated. Restraining myself, I spoke.
"I am interested in signing up as a hunter for Czerka. Where would I do that?"
"Do you not have a map? There's a Czerka office near the docks. I heard they aren't hiring miners. I'm not sure about hunters."
"Thanks for the information."
"It's part of the job."
On the way back to the ship Carth kept mostly quiet. He glanced at me a few times looking as if he wanted to say something, but in the end he didn't. HK didn't voice any homicidal thoughts. Arriving at the Ebon Hawk, I wanted to crash against a soft pillow. Having parted with Carth, I found a storage closet for HK to recharge in. Tomorrow at dawn I planned to give the Czerka office a visit. It worried me that I might be apprehended for my actions on Kashyyyk but I didn't see an alternative.
Whether through violence or cooperation I intended to go into the Dune Sea, find the Jawas and having done that acquire the Star Map's location. The further we got in our journey, the more I noticed the Sith were hardly the only destructive force in this galaxy. Corporations like Czerka were as much a threat as the Sith to future peace. I kept telling myself to focus solely on stopping Malak but there were so many other evils around every corner. I wanted to spend time with the women I cared about. Would that be possible with so much on my plate? After we found the Tatooine Star Map I promised myself I'd make time to spend with Bastila and Juhani. This quest led me to the women precious to me and I'd be damned to let that slip away. Remembering my previous conversation with Bastila, I went to see how she was holding up.
On my way to the sleeping quarters I ran into Juhani. In her arms she had a towel and fresh khaki Jedi robes. At the sight of me she furrowed her eyebrows and I noticed how her lips trembled as she frowned. Her eyes were slightly red and there were tear streaks on her cheeks. I opened my mouth to ask what happened but before I could utter a word she shoved me out of the way. Feeling confusion I followed her, grabbing her wrists to stop her. The moment our eyes met I felt a sharp stinging sensation against my left cheek. I felt it again. This time it stung harder. While I stood there in shock she tried slipping away. At the last moment I grabbed both her wrists. She struggled against me, summoning the Force. I cancelled out her every attempt at using her Force powers.
"Juhani, what happened? Why are you trying to avoid me?"
She glared at me as she yelled.
"You! Everything is about you! How could you!"
The anger in her voice … it hurt to have it directed at me. I kept a neutral expression as she continuer yelling.
"I let you into my heart. I bared myself to you completely! All of that only to learn of your atrocious actions!"
I stared at her. What have I done? Earlier today everything was fine, I even kissed her, but now she acted as if she hated me. In a swift motion she freed herself from my grip then paced before facing me and screaming.
"You are the center of the universe! What does it matter if my homeworld was wiped out by your actions! Who cares if it is because of you that everyone I knew as a child is dead!"
It didn't make any sense. If she was angry because of what happened to Taris, why did she wait until now to lash out at me? Seeing my look of confusion she walked toward me until we were face to face. Her golden eyes bore into mine as she shouted.
"It was Taris! Taris that the Sith destroyed to try to kill you and your precious Bastila! My homeworld! It was your fault for being there and your fault for rescuing Bastila! If it was not for you that world would still exist!"
She backed out of my personal space then added.
"You must think me weak for saying this, but I am strong enough to admit it!"
She turned around to leave for the shower without letting me say a word in my defense. As calmly as I could, I stated.
"You already knew Taris got destroyed by the Sith because Bastila was there. I sort of mentioned it and considering the Council assigned you to this mission, didn't they tell you?"
"Yes, I knew about Taris' destruction. I also knew the Sith were after Bastila. It bothered me but I accepted it. What I didn't know is that you were what stood between my homeworld's destruction or its salvation. You are the reason!"
It hurt beyond words to feel the impact of such anger and hatred. I asked.
"First of all you're not being specific. And second, who told you this?"
"You want specific? Fine! You had a memo stating Taris would be bombarded unless Bastila was dead or captured. Instead of saving a planet with billions of people, you saved Bastila. A Jedi is supposed to think about the greater good, not her personal desires!"
"I did think about the greater good. Juhani, if you want me to be blunt, I will be. The outcome was in the Republic's interest. If Bastila died you would also be dead. I wouldn't be a Jedi and instead be reassigned to another Republic ship. Kashyyyk would still be exploited by Czerka … Zaalbar would be a slave and the Jedi Order would have no hope against Malak!"
She slammed her back against the metallic wall then slumped toward the floor. I heard her sob. Softly she said.
"I shouldn't have let my anger get the best of me. Here I am telling you how to be a Jedi when I myself am letting my anger control me. For letting me vent, thank you. I… I can't continue what we started. It will take me awhile to calm down, but as much as I feel anger toward you –I don't want to hate you."
She wouldn't let herself meet my eyes as she let her tears fall. I bent down, reaching my arm out to her as I said.
"I don't want to lose you. What do you mean you can't continue?"
"Our relations … I can't stand the thought of being with either of you again. When I think of Bastila's face, I think of all my childhood friends who are now dead –your face too. Please just leave me alone for now."
Without taking my hand, she stood then briskly walked into the shower room, locking the door behind her. The confrontation left me drained and the last thing I wanted was to think about my feelings. I had to find a way to repair my relationship with Juhani, a way for her to forgive me. I couldn't stand the thought of losing a bond I cherished more than any other, and level only with the one with Bastila. Without making any detours I went straight into the sleeping quarters. The lights were off and Bastila lay sleeping in her bed. Without making any noise I slipped into my own bed, almost instantly falling asleep.
Unlike my usual dreams, the ones tonight involved the Force. I saw a robed figure covered in thick shadows exercise complex Force powers I've never before seen. At first I observed but as the dream progressed I became the shadowed figure. Performing each Force power felt as if I actually did it in the waking world. The further the dream progressed the more I felt as if I already knew these Force powers. I felt a growing sense of déjà vu. Experiencing beyond amazing Force powers, I was in the midst of using another power when the images in my head faded away.