Chapter 36- Blunderball

"Blunderball" appeared on the screen with the theme music.

"Blunderball must be a sport for them." Ruby theorized.

"No...I think its a joke. See? Blunder and Ball." Weiss explained.

"Oh." Ruby said embarrassed.

The scene opened to show Tucker and Caboose overlooking the tank and Lopez

Tucker: "Man, Lopez and Sheila have been spending a lot of time together."

Caboose: "I don't like it. He's not good enough for my Sheila."

Tucker: "They seem happy together."

Caboose: "He, is a bad influence, and he, is taking advantage of her, because she, is young and naive. ...and delicate."

"The tank is delicate?" Weiss said confused.

"Do you all think Caboose loves Shiela as a love interest or a daughter?" Pyrrha asked.

"Likely a love interest." Blake answered.

Tucker: "Delicate? She weighs like two hundred tons, dude."

Caboose: "She is a precious flower."

Tucker runs down to Sheila and Lopez

Tucker: "Hey guys, I have to ask you a favor. This might sound strange, but I think Caboose is getting kinda jealous over your relationship."

Caboose: "(from the distance) Sheeiiiilaaaaaa! Come baaack to meeee! I made you a muffin!"

"I would love a guy if he made me muffins." Nora commented.

Everyone inwardly sighed, the tension between her and Ren was amazing and even more amazing was the fact that neither did anything about it.

"Ren makes you muffins." Pyrrha commented trying to give her a hint.

"Well yeah but we're not together together." Nora said blushing.

Jaune sighed and out his head in his hands.

"Its so obvious." Jaune mumbled silently so Nora and Ren couldn't hear.

"You shouldn't be talking lover boy." Yang said gesturing to Pyrrha.

Jaune blushed but nodded. "I know yang but please shhhh" Jaune whispered.

Yang sighed but nodded.

Jaune had a feeling Pyrrha liked him ever since the dance, or at least knew it wouldn't be the end of the world if she said no.

Tucker: "Anyway, could you just try to keep a lower profile or something? We don't wanna have some weird, horribly disgusting love triangle."

Yang and Blake started laughing.

Sheila: "Tucker. I've been speaking with Lopez, and we feel that the machines have been treated unfairly in this canyon."

"That is true." Blake commented.

"Yeah, when you truly think about it. If machines had emotions we would be mistreating them." Ren said.

"Well luckily no machine can feel." Weiss added.

Ruby huffed but kept quiet.

Tucker: "What're you talking about?"

Sheila: "On a regular basis we are either being blown up, possessed by spirits, or just left out to rust."

Tucker: "Huh?"

Sheila: "We have decided, that until conditions improve, we are not going to help you in your battles."

Tucker: "You're kidding, right?"

Sheila: "(lowers her turret to look at Tucker) Do I look like I'm kidding?"

Cut to the red base. Sarge is addressing the troops

Sarge: "It's very simple. We'll use a flea-flicker maneouver with a run and gun two by two approach, tactical ops will be- Aw hell, who'm I kiddin'. Grif, Donut, just go stand in the way of their bullets while me and Simmons 2.0 sneak around back to grab Lopez."

"Awe he was sounding like a good commander at first." Weiss said.

"Did you understand what those meant?" Pyrrha asked.

"You don't?" Weiss asked Pyrrha surprised.

"No, I only ever studied strategies of how to fight alone. Never in a team." Pyrrha explained.

"Oh, well my sister Winter explained some of these to me." Weiss started. "A flea flicker maneuver is what people in the military call a trick play. The term can be used for a variety of different scenarios. Sarge sounded like he was explaining a plan for two of his soldiers to distract the blues. So basically what he said in layman's terms." Weiss explained.

Donut: "Sounds like a plan!"

"Idiot." Blake mumbled.

Grif: "No it doesn't. How about this time we try something that doesn't involve me being shot at, or run over."

Simmons: "Would electrified be okay?"

Grif: "No!"

Simmons: "Well, I'm out of ideas."

Grif: "Look, instead of just running straight in to enemy gunfire like we usually do, why don't we try some reconnaissance this time?"

"Strange to say it but I believe Grif would make a better leader than Sarge." Blake commented.

"I think Simmons would be a better leader." Jaune said.

"If he could grow a pair." Yang said.

"Anyone can overcome shyness or stage fright." Pyrrha commented looking at Jaune who smiled.

Donut: "You mean like spy stuff? That would be cool! I could wear, a spy tuxedo..."

Sarge: "No."

Donut: "With a hidden spy camera..."

Simmons: "No."

Donut: "Inside, a tiny spy bowtie..."

Grif: "No."

Donut: "Or, I could wear a flower on my lapel..."

Sarge: "Said no."

Donut: "That sprays water in people's faces, oh man..."

"Why did he switch from Spy to clown?" Ruby asked. Yang laughed at Ruby's comment.

Simmons: "Shut up Donut."

Donut:b"No- secret spy liquid, hahaha. That would be awesome!"

"Sounds like another crappy Spruce Willis movie." Blake commented.

"Spruce Willis movies are amazing." Jaune said.

"I agree." Yang said.

"Me too! We should go see one." Ruby said happily.

"Yeah! We can all go!" Nora said happily.

"Yeah! And after the movie me and Nora can split and go to the club." Yang said.

"Why can't we go with you?" Ruby asked.

"Ruby, even if you weren't too young would you even want to?" Yang asked.

"Well last time you beat up a bunch of thugs and that sounded like fun." Ruby said.

"Ruby we can beat up some of Junior's thugs another time." Yang said.

"Promise?" Ruby asked.

"Promise." Yang said smiling.

Sarge: "No!"

Grif: "Maybe! ...Uh, I mean... noooooo."

Donut: "Oh come on, I could be double-O Donut!"

Simmons: "You mean like Doonut?"

Donut: "The license to thrill! Or be thrilled!"

Sarge: "Alright, since you're both so in to the idea, Grif, Donut, you're on recon. Find us a way to break in to their base, and report back on the double."

"Finally a good plan from the reds." Weiss said.

Grif: "Great, more time alone with the idiot."

Donut: "Grif, Grif Grif Grif Grif Grif Grif. Let's pretend, we're wearing super-spy jetpacks!"

"He sounds like an excited kid." Blake commented.

Grif: "(sighing) Huhhhhhhg..."

Donut: "No, no no no, like this- (jetpack whooshing noise) Phschewschhhhhhhhhhhwewwwww..."

Donut continues the sound over the scene change to him and Grif on a cliff, and keeps going

Grif: "Hey, can you not stop that for two seconds?"

Donut: "Come on agent- (clears throat, resumes in a deeper voice) Come on, Agent Grif. We've got to hurry if we want to save the Princess from the evil goblin."

"So he went from spy, to clown, to knight." Nora commented.

"Sounds right." Pyrrha commented.

Grif: "What Princess? I thought you were pretending to be in a spy movie?"

Donut: "Look, my secret spy character gets to marry a beautiful Princess in a castle, alright? Deal with it!"

"I thought Donut was gay?" Ruby said confused.

"Me too." Pyrrha said. "But I believe he could be interested in both genders."

"Oh like Yang." Ruby commented.

"Exactly." Yang said.

Grif: "Donut, can you just go find some higher ground or something?"

Donut: "But we're on higher ground now."

Grif: "Why don't you use your jetpack to go to the highest ground."

Donut: "Good idea! I bet the blues won't think of that!"

"I wish I could be surprised that even after all this time Donut can still be tricked by Grif." Blake commented.

Grif: "No, if they were that stupid, we probably would have won by now."

Donut: "Secret Agent Donut, to the rescue! Phschewshhhhhhhhhhh...(heads off)"

Grif: "I could just shoot him. Noone would ever have to know. Noone."

Cut to Tucker running up to Church on the blue base

Tucker: "Hey Church, we might have a problem."

Church: "Is this a new problem, or did Caboose get his head stuck in the freezer again?"

"How does that even happen?" Weiss asked.

"Ask Nora, she's done it twice now." Jaune said.

Tucker: "New one. Sheila and Lopez are now considering leaving to form their own robot army. They said noone would dare oppose them."

"Now theirs three armies in the canyon." Weiss commented.

"And a medic with a crazy AI in his head." Pyrrha added.

Church: "What? Did you try to talk them out of it?"

Tucker: "No way, I wouldn't dare oppose them."

Yang and Ruby laughed.

Church: "Oh man, well we gotta find a way to separate 'em. Maybe it's time to get rid of Lopez."

Tucker: "But without Lopez you wouldn't have a body to use. Why don't you just possess him like you normally do?"

Church: "I would, but it's getting harder to do it each time. I think he's learned to fight it somehow."

"Hmm." Ren mumbled thinking.

Cut to a shot that zooms in to Doc's cave

Doc: "You know, I really think we should try a non-violent approach to resolve this?"

O'Malley: "I agree, except replace the word "non" with "extremely," and after the word "violent," include the phrase "blood explosion extaordinaire!" (evil laugh) Hahahahahuhuhuahahaha!"

"O'Malley seems to be affecting Doc way more than Caboose." Blake commented.

Donut reaches the cave

Donut: "Hey, what's goin' on in there?"

Doc: "We can't do this, they're gonna find out. They'll find out about us, the machine, everything."

O'Malley: "(evil laugh)"

Donut: "What the... those voices sound suspicious."

O'Malley: "I will rip out their guts and feast on their entrails."

Doc: "But I'm a vegetarian."

"Wouldn't it be more important to say I'm not a cannibal?" Weiss asked.

"Gross gross gross gross." Ruby said grossed out.

O'Malley: "(evil laugh)"

Donut: "Oh, it's that guy whose name I forget. But where's the guy he's talkin' to?"

Doc: "Look we can't just sabotage their equipment, that's rude."

"Worse than Rude." Ruby commented remembering the girl that attacked the CCT.

Donut: "Sabotage? That doesn't sound too good."

O'Malley: "I will devour their hearts, and crap out their souls..."

"Ugh." Weiss groaned.

Donut: "That sounds even worse!"

O'Malley: "They will all taste oblivion! Which tastes just like Red Bull. Which is disgusting."

"They have red bulls? Cool." Nora commented.

"Hmm." Ren mumbled while jotting down the animal in his notes.

Donut: "Whoa."

O'Malley: "All will perish! (evil laugh)"

Donut: "All... Wait- that includes me! Oh man, I gotta go tell the guys!"

"Oh so now he cares." Ruby commented.

"Selfish." Jaune added.

Doc: "(turns around) (while O'Malley is still laughing... still) Hello? Who's there? Plese help me! I'm scared of myself!"

"I feel bad for Doc." Ruby said.

"Me too, I feel like if this show was darker this could be an amazing scene." Blake added.

"Not everyone likes dark and depressing stuff." Weiss said.

"And not everyone likes prim and proper television like in Atlas." Yang said to Weiss.

"I already told you I don't like that!" Weiss yelled.

Donut: "(running out of the cave) Gotta... get back to base. (running across the gulch) Back... to base... Oh man, there it is. (runs up to the base) Guys. Hey guys. Where is everybody? I saw something really weird in the cave that- hey that's cool, when did we get a tank? Wait a minute, this looks like the store. Except, Sarge told me there is no store. (turns around) Oh no."

"Wow this is the second time he's done that." Weiss commented.

"Wasn't he supposed to go to higher ground?" Nora asked.

"I think so." Pyrrha answered.

Tucker and Caboose are pointing their guns at Donut's face

Tucker: "Oh yeah."

Cut to Grif watching through the sniper rifle

Grif: "Oh crap. I knew I should have just shot him."

The scene faded to black.

"Next one? We should be getting close to the end of the season." Jaune said.

"Last one had what? 19 episodes." Yang asked.

"Yes, 19." Ren answered.

"So just three more!" Ruby said happily.

"If they have the same amount each season." Weiss advised.

"Eh whatever just play it, I can't wait to go partying Yang!" Nora yelled.

"Me neither!" Yang yelled back happily.

—non canon Professor's side story—

"This? This is why you called us all here?" Glynda said angrily.

"Yes, this show was uploaded to my computer without my permission." Ozpin explained.

"It's truly fascinating!" Oobleck said quickly. "A tv show from another reality, this confirms my theories on the mulireality or should I say Multiverse! Although I do not hear my voice in this Caboose character."

"It is faint but unmistakable." Ozpin said.

"It's ridiculous!" Glynda yelled.

"Please look at the bright side Glynda." Ozpin said. "This provides the perfect excuse for a break."

Glynda groaned as Ozpin played the next episode.

"Just wait Glynda, there is a character that sounds like you as well." Ozpin said with a smile on his face.