Two chapters in one day! Ludicrous, you say? It's Christmas, I say!

Joker led Tali and Shepard through the main deck of the Normandy, eggnog in hand and a santa hat on his head. "Technically, Alliance vessels aren't supposed to be used for 'civilian enjoyment.' So don't tell Kaidan about this," he told the couple with a grin as they entered the elevator.

"Kaidan took over?" Shepard asked curiously. "I heard he was promoted, but they gave him the Normandy too?"

"Alliance said he would be the most prepared to lead it," Joker explained with a shrug. "The Council had some sway too since he got his spectre status back."

"How's he doing as XO?"

"Don't get me wrong, it's great to have someone I know in charge," Joker started. "But if you announced you were coming out of retirement and back to the Normandy, this would be the best Christmas ever."

Shepard laughed as the elevator door opened on the crew deck. "If I ever get any more missions from the Council, you'll be one of the first to know. I'm sure Kaidan would understand you ditching him again."

"Hey, I resent that," Joker responded sarcastically. "Kaidan's visiting his family for the holidays. You think I'd just abandon him somewhere to celebrate?"

"Yes." The fact that it was Tali answering only made Shepard laugh more as they headed around toward the mess. "Do you remember that time on Omega when-"

"Whoa, hey," Joker interrupted rapidly. "Shepard doesn't need to know about that."

Tali giggled as Shepard looked back and forth between the two in confusion. He was quickly distracted though by the crowd of people around the table and near the appropriately decorated kitchen area. Mordin was the first to see the newly arrived group, and abruptly broke away from his conversation with Liara to approach them. The Salarian had a santa hat over each of his crests, much to Joker's amusement as the pilot slipped away. "Shepard, Tali," the doctor greeted quickly. "Good to see you. Glad you're here, Shepard. Have question that other humans unable to answer adequately."

"What is it?" Shepard asked a little warily.

"Human holiday of Christmas is religious holiday. Celebrates birth of supposed savior. Yet Christmas is widespread event, regardless of religious association. Why?"

"It's sort of evolved from its roots," Shepard answered with a shrug. "It doesn't really hold the same meaning as it used to."

"Understand. Kasumi said something similar. However, logical conclusion is that those holding original religious views would no longer celebrate."

Shepard took a moment to think. "I guess people celebrate it for different reasons, but we all come together for the same holiday and to share the same experience. I guess it creates a sense of unity."

"I see," Mordin acknowledged, bringing a hand up to his chin in thought.

"You gonna start singing now, Shepard?" Vega asked as he casually joined the group.

Shepard grinned as he shook the soldier's hand firmly. "Not this time. You still stationed here, James?"

"Yea. I still needed a mentor of sorts for N7, and Alenko seemed like the best choice after you got soft and left."

"Makes sense," he answered with a nod. "I could still take you, though."

Vega turned his attention to the nearby Quarian, ignoring Shepard's jab. "So how are you doing, Sparks? Keeping Shepard from doing anything too loco?"

"He hasn't been too bad since we bonded," she teased, nudging Shepard gently.

"Oh yea, I meant to tell you; I'm sorry I couldn't make it to that. Alenko had me in personal training with him basically nonstop. How was it?"

"Very intriguing," came Mordin's reply, finally roused from his thoughts. "Events of other species always interesting to attend. Learn much more than simply reading about them."

"Is that why you're here, doc?" Vega asked in return.

"In part, yes. But is always pleasant to…"

Mordin's voice faded into the mass of others as Tali pulled Shepard away from the new and growing conversation. "What's going on?" he asked curiously.

"I just want to make sure you're going to be alright. It hasn't been all that long since I was kidnapped, and I don't imagine we'll be spending a lot of time together tonight."

Shepard grabbed onto her hips and pulled her into him. "And why's that?" he whispered.

Even through the suit, Tali's blush was clear as day. Her eyes darted around the room nervously before returning to rest on Shepard. "You know the way these things go, with lots of other people and stuff going on. Probably only Mordin would come up to us if we were like this all night," she added, placing her hands on Shepard's upper arms. "And that sort of ruins the point of this."

He chuckled briefly. "Fair enough. You don't have to worry; I'd be fine for a few hours. But even so, I think there's a compromise to be made," he answered, taking one of her hands in his before gently breaking their embrace.

Tali eyed their entwined fingers suspiciously. She knew the point he was making, but was still a bit skeptical. "What if Adams and I start talking about the engine?"

"I'll manage."

"Or Kasumi and I talk about girl stuff?"

"I'll force you to listen to Garrus and me talk about sniping," he quipped.

Tali didn't let up. "Seriously, Shepard."

He gently squeezed her hand. "Tali, I want to be around you. It's as simple as that. I'll suffer through any conversation to make that happen."

Her form seemed to relax in acceptance. "You're sure?" she asked for final confirmation.

"Tali, the only reason I wouldn't is if you didn't want me to."

"Then I guess there's no reason," she ended happily as she headed back into the main group. Shepard smirked as he followed right beside her, still keeping their hands locked together.

Like an immediate test, the small group of Adams, Ken, and Gabby was where the couple ended up first. To her credit, Tali tried to steer the conversation away from engineering. But there was basically no hope. The talk quickly moved to the Normandy's drive core, and then to drive cores in general. Shepard stuck to his word though, refusing to leave and doing his best to add to the discussion. Eventually, he gave up on the latter, moving behind Tali and wrapping his arms around her stomach. It was mostly as an excuse to rest his head somewhere; just thinking about the technical terms the engineers casually threw out gave him a headache. Tali subconsciously played with his fingers when she wasn't making hand gestures, much to Adams and Gabby's endearment. Ken was a bit more uncomfortable after the positions changed due to Shepard, but it wasn't nearly enough to drive him away.

The conversation eventually died away when Ken left to get another drink and Gabby followed awkwardly shortly afterwards. Tali and Adams could have kept talking, but both were feeling somewhat sorry for Shepard.

"Can we go talk to Garrus about sniping now?" Shepard asked tiredly as Adams left to find another group.

"I thought that was if I talked to Kasumi," Tali teased, rotating in her husband's arms.

Shepard let out an overdramatic sigh. "Lead the way," he mumbled, nestling his head between Tali's shoulder and neck.

She giggled. "I can't really do that right now," she replied quietly.

"Why's that?" he asked, his voice muffled by Tali's body.

"What?"

"Nothing," he changed, his head popping up to smile at Tali. "Let's go."

Despite the original thought, the couple actually ended up talking with Joker again, who was now with EDI near the large central.

"So how did you pull all this off, Joker?" Tali asked.

"It wasn't too hard. Like I said earlier, Kaidan's visiting family, so I'm sure he won't mind us borrowing the ship for a night."

"It is likely that Captain Alenko actually would mind," EDI corrected.

"Well, okay. He doesn't need to know about it, though."

"That is a more valid point," EDI replied, hints of a smile crossing her face.

"I'll say. Especially since you did most of the work to prep for this."

"Really, EDI?" Shepard asked.

"Yes. The original idea was Jeff's, but I liked it and agreed to help. The decorations and invitations were managed by me."

"That's great," Tali responded. "This all looks wonderful, EDI."

"Agreed," Shepard stated. "The decorations are spot on, but it looks like you went a bit overboard with the eggnog," he added, gesturing towards the massive punch bowl on the table that was filled with the beverage. Barely a dent had been put into it, even with the decent collection of alcohol to accompany and enhance it.

"What do you mean?" Joker asked as he finished off his own glass. "That'll all be gone by the end of the night, don't you worry."

Shepard raised an eyebrow. "And you're mixing rum with all of your drinks?"

"I wasn't aware there was another way to drink eggnog," Joker answered sarcastically, already pouring himself more.

Tali laughed, and even Shepard had to chuckle. "I'm glad you're not flying the ship," she teased.

"Jeff actually wanted to have the celebrations on the main deck, near the cockpit," EDI informed them. "I advised him against it, and to leave the Normandy to my control for the evening."

"Smart move," Shepard acknowledged with a grin.

"Where are we going, by the way?" Tali asked.

"We are headed to Rannoch first, and then to the Citadel, so Jeff can meet his sister," EDI answered, completely missing Shepard's desperate gestures for her to stop.

Tali cocked her head curiously. "Why Rannoch?"

EDI saw Shepard's increasingly wild motions just before she replied. The synthetic took a split second longer to formulate a less truthful response. "Legion had stated that he would appreciate seeing us all again."

Tali looked skeptical. The Geth weren't a race built around preferences or desires. She glanced back at Shepard, who rapidly changed his expression to a content smile. She wasn't able to catch his first expression, only the end of the transition. "Alright," she acknowledged suspiciously, turning back towards EDI.

Any further conversation was cut off by restrained shouts of protest over near the kitchen counter. Vega and Chakwas were standing near a recently uncloaked Kasumi. The thief was crouched on the counter, holding a sprig of mistletoe over the interrupted pair. The doctor was laughing quietly, hand over her mouth, as Vega tried to excuse himself from the situation. The few that didn't understand what was happening quickly caught on when the chant for the two to kiss started.

Vega looked around for a lifeline, but none presented itself. Heaving a sigh, he turned back to Chakwas after giving Kasumi a pointed glare. A quick peck on the lips satisfied the crowd, cheers and clapping went around as Kasumi smirked in satisfaction and got down. She narrowly avoided an attempted headlock from Vega as she cloaked again, disappearing from sight.

"What was the point of that?" Tali asked in good humor once the mood died down a bit.

"It's an old human tradition, two people caught under the mistletoe have to kiss," Joker explained.

"It looked like she had the real plant, too," Shepard added. "I'm surprised Kasumi got ahold of some, it's basically extinct."

"Where did that tradition come from?" Tali asked.

"Nobody knows," Joker answered dramatically.

Shepard chuckled, but actually had to agree. "Nobody I've ever met knows why. It's just something people do around Christmas."

"I have run a search," EDI told them, causing Shepard and Joker to laugh. "It seems that-"

EDI was cut off by another bout of encouragements, this time for Ken and Gabby. Both were standing beneath a grinning Kasumi, and both were in the awkward position of wanting to kiss and feeling uncertain if the other felt the same way. After a few false starts from each, the pair finally pressed their lips together briefly. Both parties were blushing a deep red as they pulled away and most of the group cheered them on.

Even Tali had to giggle at Ken and Gabby. "That's pretty adorable," she observed as the two engineers exchanged sheepish glances and smiles.

By this point, every man and woman talking together were on edge. Conversations resumed, but most of them in a much less involved manner. They were watching for Kasumi.

The thief bided her time though, realizing that she had lost some of her impact. Shepard, Tali, Joker, and EDI continued to talk for a little while, and were eventually joined briefly by Zaeed. "Hey, you all," he greeted, walking with only one crutch despite the doctor's protests.

"Zaeed," Shepard returned. "Glad to see you back up on your feet."

"Figuratively, anyway," Joker added quietly.

Zaeed slapped the pilot on the back, causing him to choke slightly on his eggnog. "How I survived without you, I'll never know," Zaeed said in a flat monotone.

"You obviously managed," Joker answered. "And now that you've got a broken leg, I might have a chance in one of those fights you threatened."

"Jeff, please do not put yourself in a situation where you could be injured," EDI chimed in in a concerned tone.

Zaeed cackled happily, and Shepard and Tali laughed at Joker's faked hurt expression. "Fine," he grumbled.

Shepard pulled Zaeed aside while the other three talked. "Hey, listen Zaeed, I just wanted to say sorry for snapping at you a few days ago. You didn't deserve it."

"Ah, don't worry about it," Zaeed responded with a wave of his hand. "I've been through worse."

"Well, you broke your leg proving me wrong, so I thought I at least owed you an apology."

"Again, I've been through worse, Shepard," Zaeed assured him with a toothy grin. "But I appreciate the thought."

Their moment was ended when they noticed people trying not to burst with laughter around them. Kasumi had finally fulfilled everybody's expectations, but not in the way anybody anticipated. She had reappeared, holding the mistletoe over two people who were not actively waiting for Kasumi like most others. It even took a few seconds before one of the pair realized what was happening.

"Oh, you've got to be kidding me," Garrus muttered as he silently prayed that Wrex wouldn't look up.

People started to break upon seeing the Turian's panicked expression. But once Wrex looked up, then down, then back up again did the floodgates open. Basically everybody except EDI was laughing, and even she looked like she was thinking about it.

Tali managed to calm down enough to ask a question. "Do they…do they have to kiss?"

"No," EDI answered quietly. "But they don't need to know that," she added with a content smile.

If Wrex was flustered, he didn't show it. He chuckled deeply as the Turian whirled in every direction, seeing if somebody else was standing nearby. His protests were easily drowned out by the mass of laughter and hollering.

When Garrus whipped past again, Wrex grabbed the Turian's head, forced it to face him, and quickly pressed his awkwardly puckered lips against Garrus's. Both were wiping their mouths as soon as the momentary encounter ended, satisfying Kasumi to no end. She was laughing as she vanished from view, not even giving Garrus or Wrex the chance to catch her.

An even mixture of cheers and jeers were emanating from the crowd as Garrus stepped away, announcing that he was going to the restroom and that Wrex wouldn't be accompanying him. The Krogan was laughing along with everybody else, having a grand old time and happy he could embarrass his friend.

"Kasumi's a genius," Joker asserted as conversations resumed once more.

"I'm surprised Wrex was so eager," Tali added through light chuckling.

"I don't think he cares what others think," Shepard said with a grin.

"If he's in a love with a Turian, damn it all!" Joker added, causing them all to laugh again briefly.

"Doesn't look like Garrus feels the same way," Tali observed jokingly, glancing towards the bathroom.

"Every relationship has its obstacles," Shepard responded with a shrug.

"I still don't think it'll work out. Wrex isn't his type," Tali countered.

"How much better do you think he could do?" Joker asked.

"He could at least get a Krogan female," EDI chimed in, earning a laugh in no small part due to the unexpected source.

"Nice one, EDI," a foreign voice complimented. The source quickly revealed itself; Kasumi was standing behind and between Shepard and Tali, holding the infamous plant above their heads.

Tali was blushing as people immediately started to notice Kasumi's new position. The thief was grinning from ear to ear at the couple while Shepard turned to fully face his wife, watching her expectantly.

Tali didn't want to take off her mask in front of everybody, but quickly came up with a solution. She closed her eyes in preparation for the light and unlatched her visor quickly, but didn't lower it, instead holding it between her face and the group of people. Shepard didn't even need the encouragement that was given from the small crowd to move his head forward to meet Tali behind her faceplate, his hand naturally drifting up to her cheek. Their kiss was the longest one yet, since neither was particularly eager to get it over with like the others. Shepard hadn't seen Tali without her helmet on since they had been at the hotel.

Tali had a blissful smile on her face as the kiss ended, and once she had her mask back in place and opened her eyes again, she could see Shepard had the same expression.

"Okay, I know there's more down here than Legion," Tali told Shepard as the Normandy's shuttle landed on Rannoch.

Shepard smiled over at her. "I know you do. But it's a surprise. Can't spoil your present."

"Why do I get a present?" she asked as the door slid open.

"Because it's Christmas!" Shepard answered happily as he stood and blocked Tali's view by standing in the door frame.

"This holiday just has everything," she observed, standing to walk over to Shepard.

"Ready?"

"Ready."

Shepard rotated so Tali could see, creating a frame with his fingers for her to look through. "The living room window will go right here."

Tali gasped. It was the exact place she had said that same line to Shepard months ago. The river, as well as the planet's setting sun, made for a gorgeous view in Shepard's makeshift frame. Below his fingers, metal was embedded in the ground, creating a foundation for a building. Piles of other metals and materials were stacked a short distance away as well.

Tali had a guess as to what was going on, but she just had to ask. "Shepard…what is all this?"

"I'm going to build you a house, Tali," he answered with an enormous smile. "Merry Christmas."

A few hours later, after Tali had settled down and she and Shepard had rejoined the party on the Normandy, Kasumi approached Shepard.

"Hey Shep! Tali said for you to meet her up in your old cabin," she told him, trying to hide a knowing smile but failing miserably.

Shepard had been wondering where his wife had gone. A little while after they returned, and after her escapade to tell everybody what had happened, she had gone to talk to Kasumi, insisting that he not come along. He was confused, but accepted it. She had returned after half an hour, but only briefly, quickly leaving to go to the restroom. From which she had yet to return after another thirty minutes.

Shepard thanked Kasumi, immediately heading for the elevator. Tali had been acting strange ever since she recovered from her initial reaction to his gift. He moved past a rambling Joker, too involved in his thoughts to stop and talk or help. The pilot had stuck to his earlier word; there was almost no eggnog left, and the proportionate amount of rum was gone as well. Joker was essentially drunk out of his mind, but Shepard was too curious about Tali to even register.

Shepard ran through all of the possibilities of what Tali was doing as the elevator ascended and the decontamination unit Kaidan had decided to keep ran its course. But he was still completely unprepared for what was inside the cabin.

His jaw dropped to the floor when he saw Tali. She was lying sideways on their old bed, without any part of her suit on. What she had on instead was a santa hat and strips of wrapping paper. The paper ran across her breasts, with two strips running down her torso and converging in the area between her legs. "Merry Christmas, Shepard," she greeted in a low, seductive voice.

"Would you mind unwrapping me? This isn't very comfortable."

I thought fluff would be a nice gift before I got back into the more serious stuff. Hope you enjoyed it!