Disclaimer: That '70s Show copyright The Carsey-Werner Company, LLC and Twentieth Century Fox Home Entertainment, LLC. The 10th Kingdom copyright Babelsberg International Filmproduktion GmbH & Co. Beitriebs KG and Hallmark Entertainment Distribution, LLC.

CHAPTER 35
IRREPLACEABLE LOSS

Donna and Fez charged through the night, trying to get back to the statehouse. For all she knew, Eric had returned hours ago. But knowing his dumb ass, he'd probably gone out again to search for her. It was so dark out, and the lantern Fez carried didn't offer much light, and she wasn't sure they were even going in the right direction. The houses here all looked the same. Didn't anyone in Bean Town believe in street signs?

"Donna?" Fez said.

"Yeah?"

"I think we are lost."

She sighed. "Great."

"We'll just have to hold each other for warmth until day," Fez said.

"I don't think so." She no longer found anything he said to be attractive. The effects of the brothel's drug had completely worn off. "We're in a town, not a forest. We'll just have to—"

She stopped talking, stopped moving. A presence was overwhelming her heart... Eric. Everything that he was flooded her senses, as if he were holding her, loving her. He washed through her body and evaporated as she glimpsed a strange burst of light.

"Eric..." she whispered. The light was far away, on the other side of town, but glowing steadily. "That's Eric!" Her pounding heart knew nothing else. "Let's go, Fez. Let's go!"

Fez nodded, and they ran together toward the light.

A flash of light breached Hyde's closed eyelids and tore him from sleep. He peered through the window from his bed. The light was shining steadily through it.

"Is it freakin' morning already?" he said and glanced at his watch. It was a little after three A.M., and his breath froze inside his throat.

Forman.

Kelso's eyes shot open as light streamed into his room. He jumped out of bed, which made his left leg hurt. But he ignored the pain and limped to the window.

"Fireworks?" he said to himself. But no thunderous claps shook the air, and the light didn't burst or pop or change colors. It remained steady and white. Boring.

The bedroom door slammed open. "Kelso!" Hyde shouted. "Grab your sword. Let's go!"

Kelso turned to him. "Hyde, I like you and all, but not that much."

"Forman's in trouble, man." Hyde said and disappeared from the doorway. "Get your ass in gear!"

"Eric?" Kelso looked out the window again. Then he pulled on his shirt and jacket. Exchanged his silk pajama bottoms for linen slacks. Stuck his feet into his boots, fastened his sword belt around his body, and sheathed his rapier.

Hyde and Jackie were waiting for him downstairs. Hyde had on a sword, too. "Come on, man!" he said. He was carrying Jackie piggyback-style and led the way out of the statehouse.

"You assholes!" Donna said from somewhere. "You murdered my husband!"

"I'm not dead," Eric muttered. He was cold. Something hard and lumpy was beneath him, and his eyes were closed. He opened them. "Holy, shit—I'm not dead!"

"Eric?" Donna yelled down.

It was followed by Hyde's, "Forman!"

"Donna, I'm not dead!" he shouted back and used whatever was beneath him to push himself up. The hard, lumpy thing rattled, and he looked down. The rotting corpse of a boy met his gaze with half-eaten eyes.

Eric screamed. He fell down onto his butt and screamed some more. He scrambled backward and kept on screaming.

The lake. He was in the shadow lake, only the shadows were gone. "Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God," he said when he finally stopped screaming. "Someone—someone—dead! Body. Else's! Get me the hell out of here!"

"Rope!" Fez said from above. "I said, 'Rope!'"

Seconds later, a rope dropped down into what was now just a giant hole, but something gold glinted on the ground—Thearl's pocket watch. Eric's bare feet stood on either side of it.

Oh, man. He was naked. His clothes must have disintegrated in that light, which meant the seeds Laurie gave him were gone. He searched the emptied lake bed for them, tossing aside items the bogles had stolen—a teapot, a necklace, the town hall's beanstalk sculpture. But the seeds were scattered around the boy's corpse. Wonderful.

He got on his hands and knees and collected the seeds—nine of them. The other five could've been in the lake bed somewhere, but he stood up and grabbed the rope.

Donna and Hyde hauled him out of the empty lake. He clambered over the lip and onto the dirt. It was still night, but the horizon glowed with the beginnings of dawn. A crowd had gathered in the woods, seemed like the whole town, but they were maintaining their distance. Mayor Bromley, Thearl, and two of the mayor's guard stood nearby. Kelso and Fez had swords trained on them, but the stern look on Fez's face was probably what kept them from fleeing.

"Eric... you dillhole!" Donna wrapped her arms around Eric's back. She kissed his lips, his cheeks, his forehead. "I hate you!" she said and kissed him some more.

"Forman, are you naked?" Hyde said.

Eric glanced down at himself. "It's a style."

Donna grabbed his right arm, "The light—it's gone!" then pulled him into another hug. "You're gonna be fine, Eric." Her fingers brushed through the back of his hair. "Oh, God. Thank God."

When they parted again, Eric realized she was practically naked herself, wearing just a thong and some nipple pasties. He swiftly returned to hugging her.

"Do you have needs, Eric?" Fez said.

"Yes," Eric said. "I need some pants."

Fez clapped once and said, "Pants!"

Thearl took off his pants and handed them to Eric. Eric gratefully slipped them on and dropped Laurie's seeds into a pocket. "How about some clothes for my tiger lily over here?" he said.

Hyde draped his corduroy jacket over Donna's shoulders. Jackie was clinging to his waist.

"And now it is time for answers," Fez said. He paced in front of the mayor, the pantsless Thearl, and the two guards. "Who is that dead boy?"

The mayor smoothed his silver sash over his generous stomach, and he shook his head. Thearl stared at his feet, and the two guards stood stone-still.

"Who is that boy?'" Fez repeated.

"My son!" Elf-shot Evanthe hurtled from the observing crowd. She barreled toward the empty lake, her scraggly hair whipping behind her, but Eric hooked her around the middle before she could throw herself in. "My seed! That's my seed," she shouted and pushed against him.

"Your seed?" Eric said; then he understood. "That's his name. Your son's name is Seed!"

"Yes!" She twisted in Eric's arms and pointed to the mayor. "That Duergar stole him from me!"

"That woman is a lunatic," the mayor said, and she collapsed, weeping, to the ground. "She's—"

"No!" Thearl stepped forward. "I will not allow this to go on any further." Then he bowed at Fez's feet. "I am so deeply sorry, Your Majesty. We took the boy from her. We—we—" His voice was a half-sob.

"Thearl! Speak no further," the mayor said.

Hyde grabbed him by the sash. "Why don't you pipe the hell down and let him talk?"

"Because it is my tale to tell, my duty to tell it, and I will tell it."

"Fine." Hyde let the mayor go and backed off with Jackie. "But if you tell one damn lie, Kelso's gonna have fun tearing you a new mouth-hole. Right, Kelso?"

"We don't really do that in King Fez's guard. We—"

Hyde scowled. "Whatever. Just hurt him."

Fez moved in front of the mayor with crossed arms. He finally looked like the monarch he was, and Eric was impressed.

"Yes, we took the boy," the mayor said. "Bean Town was in ruins after the Trolls' massacre. They destroyed everything. Beanstalks had begun to sprout, breaking through our paved streets. We feared Giants... We could not uproot the stalks, you see. And repairs were not going fast enough."

"I didn't know that," Fez said. "I would have sent more men, more resources—"

"We didn't want your help. You, who pardoned the Troll King's children. You, who could not even bother to check up on us. So we took it upon ourselves... I took it upon myself to solve our problems."

The mayor's face had grown red, and his fingernails raked along his silver sash. "I walked in the woods one day, pondering Bean Town's plight, and a Changeling appeared before me. 'I can solve all your problems,' it said. 'I can make your town stronger, more beautiful than it ever was before.' I got to my knees and begged him, 'Please. Oh, yes, please, tell me what I must do.' 'Bring me a child,' it said, 'so I might live as men do and gain the ability to experience true love.' And I said, 'Fix the town, and you will have your child.'

"So the Changeling did as I asked. With a snap of his fingers, the beanstalks were gone. All roads and buildings were repaired and decorated with all kinds of treasure. Even that statue of you, Your Majesty, was the Changeling's doing..."

The mayor stared out over the empty lake, but his eyes never once flicked down. "And I knew that if I did not find a child to give him, the Changeling would undo it all, perhaps make things even worse for us—but stealing someone's child! It was reprehensible to me.

"I had to make a choice, and—and Seed..." His voice was shaking for the first time, and he tore off his sash. "The boy, you understand, he was born damaged. He had no sight. He couldn't hear or speak! His life would not last long naturally, not without constant care. And even if he lived, what sort of life would he have? Who would love him after his mother passed? It was the rational choice."

Eric glanced over at Jackie. She'd buried her face into Hyde's chest, and he cupped the back of her head protectively. Eric was tempted to shield her himself, but she wouldn't have appreciated that.

"Thearl and I took the boy in the night," the mayor continued. "Evanthe got the barest glimpse of us before we dosed her with the only portion of Troll dust we had in our stores. We brought the boy here, and the Changeling switched bodies with him. The Changeling, however, quickly discovered its new body's limitations.

"It grew furious, realizing it would never enjoy the things most people do. But we had upheld our part of the bargain. We'd upheld it! There was no stipulation the boy be healthy.

"But the Changeling returned to its own shrunken, gnarled form. 'If I cannot have his life as payment,' it said, "then I will have his death.' Then it—it slew the child."

Evanthe, still huddled by Eric's feet, wept louder at this. The mayor leapt back and almost fell into the empty lake, but his guards caught him.

"Th—that seemed to satisfy," the mayor said, "for the Changeling vanished and never appeared again. Thearl and I buried the boy over there." He nodded at the empty lake. "Then the bogles came."

"Yes," Fez said. "They were attracted by your indecent act. They—"

"Gathered here," Thearl said, "in the boy's grave! They caused all sorts of mischief, stole my pocket watch. This brave man," he patted Eric on the shoulder, "followed me here. He discovered Bean Town's shadow plague, and the mayor wanted to reward him for it by dumping him into the lake of bogles!"

Fez poked the mayor's pudgy arm. "And you tried to keep this all a secret by having your whores king-nap me. Oh, you bad, bad mayor!"

"But the bogles are gone," Eric said. "Wait... the bogles and the flare-bug venom! They must have canceled each other out. That's why I'm cured!"

"Pardon me. Pardon me." A short, plump woman waddled in from the crowd. "Did you say bogles?" Eric nodded, and the woman looked at Donna. "And is this young man who was afflicted by the venom of a flare bug?"

"Yes, doctor," Donna said.

Eric raised his eyebrows. "Doctor?" During her visit to the statehouse, he'd gorged himself on a baked ham in the kitchen. He hadn't met with her before she left or even seen her. But it sounded like Donna and the doctor had shared some things.

"Glorious day! Glorious day, indeed!" the doctor said. "I have discovered the cure for flare-bug venom! Immerse the victim inside a boggle or ten, and the venom will be neutralized."

Technically, Eric had discovered the cure, but the doctor shook his hand before he could get a word out.

"Young man, you have just made my fortune!" she said and waddled off.

"Ai..." Fez looked toward the brightening horizon. "Now I will have to make another detour. This time, back to my castle. I must bring Mayor Bromley and Thearl to justice. Kelso, tie them up—"

"No!" Evanthe's grief-filled wail cut through the air and ignited the crowd. Bean Town's citizenry surged forward as one entity toward the mayor.

"My people," Fez said. "My people, please!"

But no one seemed to listen. The crowd edged Eric, Donna, and their friends toward the empty lake—along with the mayor, Thearl, and the two guards.

"Hear me!" Fez shouted.

"Fez, man, what are you doing?" Hyde said.

"It is my duty as King to bring order to—"

"Be King later when you can back it up!" Hyde grabbed Fez's wrist and yanked him and Jackie away from the crowd. Eric and Donna followed with Kelso close behind.

The only place to run to was deeper into the woods. They ran until Eric could no longer hear the crowd's angry shouts.

"M—madness," Fez said, and he leaned against a thick tree. Everyone but Eric joined him and caught their breath.

"Eric," Kelso said, "why aren't you huffing and puffing?"

Eric shrugged. The sprint had barely sped up his heart. "A morning jog does the body good," he said.

The sun was rising, but these woods were dense and cold. The trees looked strange, too, like huge asparagus spears, and smelled like cabbage. Their tops disappeared into a cloud of fog that crackled with lightning. Eric closed his arms over his bare chest to keep from shivering. "Where the hell are we?"

"Beanstalk Forest," Hyde and Donna said together, and they sounded less than happy.

"Yes," Fez said, "we are now in the Third Kingdom, the Troll Kingdom. We must tread carefully, but if we go north just enough, we can bypass Bean Town, go east, and return to my kingdom."

Kelso pushed himself from the giant beanstalk and scratched his back. "All fifty of those beanstalk lashes are coming back to me. Man, do they know how to punish people in Snow White Memorial Prison. Whip you with some beanstalk then serve it to you for dinner... Damn, I hate beanstalks!"

Before moving on, everyone did a clothing-switch. Donna returned Hyde's corduroy jacket, which he put on Jackie. Fez gave Donna his white, military-style jacket, and Kelso gave Eric his nearly identical jacket. Kelso also offered to give Eric his underwear so Donna could wear Thearl's pants, but Eric had to decline—and Donna didn't blame him. She buttoned Fez's jacket up to her chin, and like the incredible lady she was, complained not one bit as they walked through the cold, damp forest.

They had no supplies. Only Fez and Kelso were wearing swords, and Eric and Donna had less than one outfit between them. Yet, strangely, Eric felt a measure of joy. His friends had clothed Donna and himself as best they could. They'd worried about the flare-bug venom and rushed to his aid. Simply put, they valued his life. What more could a man ask for?

A clap of thunder answered him, followed by a guttural moan in the fog. Giants?

Eric shivered. Yes, a man could ask for a little more, like not wandering in the freakin' beanstalk forest.