A note from JD: And here's the last of the Christmas Trio. Hope ya'll had a happy holiday. Who knows, I might do something for New Years! (not likely...)
Boxing Day!
Not many people in Britain know exactly why they don't work the day after Christmas. Boxing Day is just another day. But not at the Riddle Manor. No, Boxing Day was a day that the Dark Lord Voldemort would NEVER forget.
Still rather unhappy about the mistletoe incident, the Dark Lord refused to go near the witches currently standing in the kitchen. And he had yet to fix his "virgin problem."
"What the hell is this?" Moosk held up a white envelope and peered at it suspiciously. It had the words "To: Demon Spawn" scrawled haphazardly across the top. She sniffed it warily. " 'Demon Spawn'? JD, I'm pretty sure this is yours."
JD shook her head. "Nah, mine says 'Green Initials,'" she paused, looking around, "and Stephy's is right over there." Laying on the kitchen table was a third letter. It read "Newest Bane of My Existence."
"Now that's not very nice."
"JD, I think that's the entire point. So… Open yours."
"No way. I don't know what's in there! It could be anthrax, or something equally-- who am I kidding? This is V-dog we're talking about. It's harmless." JD flipped the envelope over, ripping the top half away. There was a gasp as silence covered the room like the thick blanket of snow inside Voldie's room (which was Stephy's fault, really). The snow was the icing on the cake, which was why Stephy was at this moment stuck in a muggle airport somewhere in Colorado, cursing the loss of her wand. But I digress.
"Is that cash," Moosk inquired.
"Cold, hard, GLORIOUS CASH!" JD jumped for joy, spinning in circles as she chanted.
"How much," Moosk wondered as she opened her own parcel.
"COLD, HARD, GLORIOUS CASH!"
The blue-haired witch shook her head. "There's only about 9 American dollars in there."
"COLD, hard, what?" JD counted the few bills clenched in her hand, her face falling. "WHAT?! DAMN THAT MAN!!"
Moosk nodded. "I think that's our yearly wages. Are you so surprised? Really, I'm shocked he gave us ANY money."
"But why now? Why not yesterday?"
"We're his underlings, right?"
"… In a manner of speaking, yes."
"Today is Boxing Day. That's the day when the lords of the manor pay their underlings. It's to keep class lines from slipping into oblivion. If we were equals, we'd have to give V-dog a gift as well."
"Does a hex count as a gift?" JD stroked her wand while smiling evilly.
"No…" her companion sighed. "We could set his house elves free. But that would just up our amount of labor… hmmm…"
"Wait…." JD's eyes got large, the look of someone who just figured out the mystery of some mysterious thing splashed across her face.
"No, we couldn't!"
"YES WE COULD! WE ARE THAT EVIL!"
HPSUCKS
"Snape, I'd like to present you with your yearly wages." The potions master looked up from the morning paper, scowled and continued reading the article. Some muggle restaurant chain was having trouble with E. coli outbreaks. Stupid muggles.
"Did you not hear your lord? I said, I'd like to present you with your yearly--"
"I heard you the first time. God. I could really care less about that three pesos. I'm never going to be anywhere to use them. And pesos have been devalued so much in the past year that won't buy anything."
"Oh, shut up. Take your money."
"How 'bout no?"
"DON'T MAKE ME SHOVE THESE PESOS WHERE THE SOL DON'T SHINE!!"
Snape sighed, rolled his eyes, and begrudgingly took the envelope. Just as the Riddle man was beginning to smile, JD apparated beside him, filling her lungs with air.
Voldemort cringed before she let it out.
"LORD VO- oh, there you are!"
"Why must everyone yell in my ears?"
"Thanks for our wages, Veester. We want to thank you with a little gift of our own."
"Do you not understand the concept of class lines?"
"Class what?" There was silence. "Come out to the living room!!"
"This can't be good…" The bald Lord followed anyway. He wasn't particularly good at following his instincts.
In the living room Moosk stood against a large box, about the size of a refrigerator box.
"You got me an ice box?"
"No. Somethin' better!"
"I'm going to hate myself in a few minutes, aren't I," he asked as he moved towards the box. The two women moved behind Snape, snickering.
"Open it!"
"Pull that ribbon in front of your face!"
"Step back when it opens!!" Voldemort obeyed the last command, stepping back as the sides of the box fell to the floor. In the middle of the box stood none other than--
"HARRY POTTER!!" The witches laughed- cackled really- and ducked behind Snape as Voldemort spun angrily on his heel. "YOU GOT ME HARRY BLEEDING POTTER FOR BOXING DAY?!"
"I thought the bow on his head was a nice touch," Snape interjected.
"Shut up. You," his Long Titleness whipped around to face Harry, who was slightly stunned to be standing in his archenemy's living room, "I'm still mad at you for scoring my cookies poorly during Iron Chef!"
"What the hell am I doing here?!" The savior of the wizarding world looked around in confusion.
"We had to stun him to get him into the box…" Moosk reflected. "Maybe we shouldn't've hit him in the head…?"
"I WANT ALL OF YOU OUT OF MY HOUSE THIS INSTANT!!"
"Happy Boxing Day, Chief!"
"OUT OF MY SIGHT!"
"That's what you get for giving us nine bucks, tight wad!"
"I WANT COOKIES!"
"Draco, SHUT UP! You, GET AWAY FROM ME!"
"UP YOURS, YOU WRINKLY OLD VIRGIN!"
"Leave my virginity out of this!"
A note from Sabrina: What an ending sentence… Happy Holidays, dear readers! Your reviews are always welcome and appreciated!!
Another note from JD: Heh, too good. Now, ya'll should leave a review and stoke Sabrina's ego :mutters: not that she needs it...
P.S. Sorry about the late post. I had to work late and only just got home about 15 minutes ago.