Chapter 38

"Like some company?"

Vader looked up to see Padmé. "Yes, very much so," he replied. "Please join me."

Padmé sat down across from him, pleased to see him eating real food again.

"Kids asleep?" he asked.

"Luke is," she replied. "He is a great sleeper. He can fall asleep anywhere, and sleep through anything."

Vader smiled. "He didn't get that from me," he commented. "And Leia? She's still awake?"

"She was when I left the room," Padmé replied, standing up and walking over to the refrigerator. "She's too excited to go to sleep. She's become quite a daddy's girl," she said, looking back at him with a smile. She returned to the table and set down a large glass of milk in front of him. "You need lots of calcium, remember?" she said.

"I remember," he said, picking up the glass and taking a drink. "Thanks."

She watched him, a dreamy smile on her face. "That was incredible, Anakin," she said.

"It was," he agreed. "Made me wonder how I lived five years without you. I don't know how I did it."

"Neither do I," Padmé agreed. She hesitated before saying what was on her mind, not quite sure how to put into words what it was she wanted to say. "So, what happens now, Anakin?"

He looked up at her. "You know what happens now, Padmé," he replied. "I will avenge us all by killing the emperor."

Padmé frowned, disturbed by the coldness of his tone. "Ani, do you think that's going to be easy? You know yourself how well guarded he is."

"I didn't say it was going to be easy," he replied. "But I won't let him get away with his treachery, Padmé. He will pay for it, I promise you."

"But at what cost?" she asked. "Is it worth risking your life over?"

"What would you have me do, Padmé?" he responded. "Just let him get away with all the lies? The betrayal? The atrocities? Surely you can't expect me to do that."

Padmé was troubled by the vehemence of his reaction. Who are you, Ani?

She was about to reply when Leia entered the room.

"I can't sleep," she declared, climbing up onto her father's lap.

"How hard did you try?" Padmé asked with a smile.

"I tried," Leia replied. "I just can't do it."

Vader smiled. "I understand," he said, stroking her dark hair softly. "I have trouble sleeping myself sometimes."

Padmé was astonished by the transformation that the presence of his child had over her husband. Moments before Leia had arrived, he was full of anger, just thinking of Palpatine; and now, in Leia's presence, his anger had evaporated. They are they key, Padmé thought. Luke and Leia will be his way back….if only he will let them take him there.

"Your whiskers tickle, Daddy," Leia giggled as Vader kissed her cheek.

He smiled. "I guess it's time for a shave," he said, rubbing his chin.

"Obi-Wan's whiskers are ticklish too," Leia said.

Vader had to fight to keep his composure, the thought of Obi-Wan kissing his children more than he could bear to think of. He looked at Padmé, his eyes conveying his anger.

"So Obi-Wan has kissed you, has he Leia?" Vader asked, trying to keep the anger out of his voice.

"Yes, lots of times," Leia replied. "Dormé wishes he'd kiss her, but he doesn't."

That comment was all it took to shatter the ice that had formed over Vader's heart at the mention of Kenobi's name. "She does, does she?" he asked, a grin forming on his face.

"Uh huh," Leia yawned. "She wants to marry him."

Vader looked at Padmé, his amusement clear on his face. "How do you know that, Leia?" Padmé asked.

"She thinks about him all the time," Leia replied. "Ask Luke."

Padmé couldn't help but laugh at her daughter's comment. She'd suspected that Dormé was fond of the Jedi Master, but didn't realize her feelings were of that nature.

"When is Obi-Wan coming to see us, Mommy?" Leia asked.

Padmé's amusement soon disappeared. "He isn't," she replied. "Obi-Wan is not welcome in our house any more, Leia."

"Because of what he did to you, Daddy?" Leia asked.

Vader nodded, not wishing to upset his child with his anger. "That's right," he said. "I'm afraid you won't see Obi-Wan Kenobi ever again." Not so long as I live, he thought resolutely.

"I think it's time for bed," Padmé said, standing up. "Come along," she added, holding her hand out to Leia.

"Can I just visit with Daddy a little longer?" Leia pleaded.

"I'll take her up, Padmé," Vader told her.

"Very well," she said. "I'm going up now. Don't be long," she said.

"I won't," he replied.

Padmé left the room, concerned and yet amazed by the inconsistencies that existed within her husband. Now that he looked like Anakin Skywalker again, it was easy to forget that he was still Darth Vader in many ways. Too many ways….she thought anxiously. There is so much darkness in him still…will he ever be able to eradicate it completely?

"Dormé will be disappointed I'm afraid," Vader told his daughter.

"She doesn't like you, Daddy," Leia told him. "I don't know why."

Vader frowned. "Yes I know she doesn't," he replied. "You must learn how to block out the thoughts of others, little one," he told her gently.

"How do I do that?" she asked.

"I will teach you," he said, standing up and picking her up in the process. "There is much I want to teach you and Luke. You are special, you know that don't you? You and your brother have special abilities, abilities that will make you powerful some day."

"What do you mean, Daddy?" Leia asked as he started up the stairs with her.

"You will understand when you are older, little one," he told her with a smile as he entered the room where Luke was sound asleep. "Now it is time for you to go to sleep."

"I'm not tired," she protested half-heartedly.

Vader merely smiled as he lay her down on her bed. "Yes, I know," he replied, indulging her. "But your brother is asleep, I'm going to sleep, your mother is asleep; there's no one to play with."

"Okay, I guess I will go to sleep too then," Leia relented at last, stifling a yawn. Vader grinned and pulled the covers up over her. He bent down and kissed her cheek tenderly. "Good night my lady," he said. "Sleep well."

Vader left the room, closing the door quietly behind him. He walked down the hallway to the bedroom he shared with his wife. Taking a moment to take off his shirt and trousers, he climbed into bed, moving over to where his wife was, wrapping an arm around her.

Padmé turned to him, not quite asleep yet. "Ani?" she murmured sleepily.

"Did I wake you?" he asked, running his hand up her arm slowly.

"No," she said. "I was just starting to drift. Did you get Leia down?"

"Well, she's in her bed," he told her. "But I think she'll be asleep soon enough."

"I hope so," she replied.

"Did you know that Dormé had a thing for Obi-Wan?" he asked her.

"I had my suspicions," Padmé told him. "I'm sure he has no clue."

"No, probably not," he replied. "I just hope that her affection for him didn't cause her to do something foolish."

"What do you mean?"

"Like telling him where you are," he replied, "or contacting him since coming here. I don't need to tell you how I'd feel about him showing up here."

"No, you don't," she said. "I don't want to see him any more than you do, Anakin. I don't think she told him, she hasn't said anything about him since she arrived here."

"That doesn't mean anything, Padmé," he told her, running his fingers through her hair. "If she knows how you feel about him, she wouldn't tell you, would she?"

"No, I don't suppose she would," Padmé conceded. "Let's not worry about that, Ani," she said, reaching out to caress his face gently. "You've been so moody this evening, let it go. Please? Can you do that for me?"

Vader smiled. "For you? Yes, I can do anything Padmé."

"I hope you mean that, Anakin," she said. "You've come too far to slip back into the Darkness again."

Vader did not respond, not knowing what he could say to reassure her, not wanting to lie to her. "I…I don't want to be that person again, Padmé," he told her, admitting it for the first time, even to himself. "When I think of the things I've done…" he stopped as images of the younglings he slew jumping to his mind. "There is so much blood on my hands…I don't know how I can ever put that behind me. I'm not the man that I was, Padmé; how can I ever be that man again, after everything that I've done?"

Padmé could hear the pain in his voice, the shame; and it gave her hope. If he felt guilty for what he had done, then he was on his way back. No Sith would feel guilt, no matter what he had done.

"You're already that man, Anakin," she told him, caressing his face with her hands. "Can't you see that? When you are with Luke and Leia, there is no trace of Darth Vader within you. Your love for them destroys every hint of the dark side that you still possess. Haven't you noticed that? Can you honestly tell me that you felt like Darth Vader this afternoon when you were splashing those two? Would a Sith take such delight in playing with his children?"

Vader considered her words, allowed himself to consider them. Was the joy he felt when he was with his children part of the dark side? Was the bliss he felt in his wife's arms part of it? The dark side knew nothing of love; it was the very antithesis of love. So how could the dark side still hold a part of my soul if I feel so much love for this family of mine?

"No," he said at last. "A Sith knows nothing of love. But…"

"Listen to me," she said, laying a finger over his lips. "I believe in you, Anakin," she told him. "With all my heart I do. Do you know what I told Obi-Wan after the twins were born? Before he told me that you had died?"

Vader simply shook his head.

"I told him that I knew there was still good in you," she replied. "Even after what you did on Mustafar, I could still feel it. Perhaps that is why he lied to me, perhaps he was afraid that my belief in you would make me try to find you, and it would have, had I known you were alive. But that's not what I'm trying to get at right now. The point I'm trying to make is that you never completely succumbed to the darkness, Anakin. There was always still a small part of Anakin Skywalker in you, even in your darkest time. That spark, that ember of him is growing, and I see it more every day. And if you are truthful to yourself, you will admit that you feel it more every day too."

Padmé's words were provocative, and they forced Vader to look deep within himself. It had been so long since he had considered himself Anakin Skywalker that he had almost forgotten what it felt like to be him. Yet, she was right; when he was with his family, he was Anakin Skywalker. Claiming the right to call them his family meant acknowledging the existence of that man he had denied for five years. But she had never denied his existence; even after the atrocities he had committed, even after he had nearly killed her in his jealous, insane rage- she had still seen that man in him. She still loved him, and that alone was astonishing to him.

"Padmé," he said at last, "I…I'm so confused. I don't know who I am anymore. All I know is that you and the children have given meaning back to my life, have given me a reason to live again. Without you, I would have nothing, I would be nothing."

"But you have us," she reminded him. "You will always have us, Anakin. We belong together, and nothing will separate us again. Let us help you, let me help you. I don't want you to go through this alone, not like before. I'm strong enough to help you through this, Ani. Please let me."

Anakin smiled at her, the emotions he felt preventing him from speaking. Instead he merely pulled her into his arms and held her close, knowing that words were not needed between them. She was a part of him, as he was a part of her; neither of them complete without the other. Padmé smiled as she nestled up close to him, feeling as though her beloved Anakin had taken one step closer to the light.