Trials (2)
Later, he would wonder why the hallways of the Temple had been so empty. And when he eventually asked this question, he was embarrassed by the answer. But as he raced towards their shared quarters, all he could think about was Obi-Wan. He would save his master and everything would be all right. Of that he was sure. He would make it all right, if necessary. He sent prayers up to the Force that were really orders: Keep Obi safe. Don't let the Sith hurt him. He didn't waste much time on these, only ran as hard as he could and listened continually to the disturbance in the Force. The vision he'd been granted was gone, but he thought he could still feel Obi-Wan's life force out of all the others in the Temple. He convinced himself this wasn't wishful thinking.
Reaching the door, he was afraid it might be locked, but it opened before him and he rushed in, his ignited lightsaber in his hand. Three steps in, he froze. The doors closed behind him, their soft whoosh easily heard in the silence only broken by the hum of two lightsabers. The air stank of singed cloth and possibly burned flesh.
The younglings were still huddled against the shelves, but now one of them held Obi-Wan's deactivated lightsaber to his chest. As for Obi-Wan, he lay in the middle of the room, with the Sith standing over him. The Sith's blade hummed a hand-span above Obi-Wan's chest.
The Sith was looking at him. Even if Anakin couldn't see the thing's eyes, he knew this. He resisted the urge to shiver and clung to the hope that someone would sense them soon and come to help.
"Are you here for your master, Padawan?" the Sith asked. The blade it carried dipped a little nearer Obi-Wan's chest.
"Let him go," Anakin said, surprised at how calm his voice sounded. He tried to hold the composure in place. "There will be other masters here soon. You should escape while you still can."
"Put your weapon away and I will tell you how you can save your master."
"How do you know he's my master?"
"The Force has been seeking his death for a long time now. It's you he's guarding. You're not meant to die, but to join us."
"I belong to the Jedi first and forever." But even as he spoke, Anakin was disturbed by the man's words. Something he said was off, not something a Sith would say. Anakin put his lightsaber away. "If you want him dead, why would you let him go?"
"His time may not be now. You will determine that." The Sith gestured, moving his lightsaber closer to Obi-Wan's face. "You must choose, Padawan, to save your master or these younglings."
Anakin measured the distance. Obviously, Obi-Wan was in much more danger than the three padawans. Anakin started to move between the Sith and the young ones.
The Sith knelt, and now the lightsaber was so close to Obi-Wan's throat that Anakin could see the bloody glow on his master's skin. "Move back to where you were, Padawan, or this will be decided now."
Anakin obeyed.
"Choose," the Sith said. "Your master, or the younglings."
Anakin's eyes narrowed. "I choose my master." Because, after all, he knew he could draw his lightsaber and move between the Sith and those by the shelves
"Very well." The Sith moved his hand and one of the younglings was lifted off the floor and floated towards the balcony doors. These opened before her.
Anakin's hands shook. He wanted to draw his lightsaber, but knew it would accomplish nothing. "Stop!"
The Sith said, "You don't approve? I thought you chose."
The child was suspended in midair near the doors; her eyes showed no fear.
"Or did you assume I didn't have control of the Force?" The Sith's hidden smile was evident in its voice. "Choose, Padawan."
"When you took my weapon," Obi-Wan said, his voice calm, "you promised me three words with my padawan. Now that he knows your power, he will choose to save three lives. Please let me have my three words."
The Sith chuckled. "What words can you say, Jedi, that will keep your padawan from descending into rage when you die?"
"Will you keep your word and allow me to speak them?"
"Do you expect me to keep my word?"
Obi-Wan was silent.
During this short exchange, Anakin had been half-listening, but his mind was also on the distance between the hovering youngling and the balcony, between himself and the Sith, and between the Sith's blade and Obi-Wan's neck. None of the distances were what he wanted. Speed and strength weren't going to save this situation. And everyone knew you couldn't negotiate with a Sith.
Yet, wasn't that what the Sith was doing, giving Anakin a chance to save someone? No. The Sith don't show mercy or give chances unless it is for the good of the Dark Side. Realizing that, Anakin thought, This is a test. For me. But why? What does the Sith know of me?
The Sith's words came back to him: It's you he's guarding… His time may not be now. You will determine that. And Yoda's words, speaking of the Dark Force not knowing who Obi-Wan was protecting. If that was so, how had the Sith come by this information? And since when did the Sith wait for the 'time of the Force'? Wasn't part of being a Sith believing that you could creat your own time?
"Jedi, do you wish to die, knowing that you were only a whore to the Force?"
Anakin heard the words, and part of his mind wanted to jump on that, forget these confusing questions. But one look at the serenity in Obi-Wan's eyes drew all rage from him like poison from a wound. If Obi-Wan could be reserved when his very life hung in the balance, couldn't Anakin show a little restraint and follow the course of his thoughts? He sensed they were more than important. Reaching out to the Force, he felt the nothingness that surrounded the Sith; he could feel everything around the Sith, and there was no hole where the Sith stood, as there had been with Adee. It was like looking through a clear plane of glass.
Now Obi-Wan's words were running through Anakin's mind: A Jedi was filled with Light, but anyone who directed Force at her felt that she wasn't there… If Dark Force users can do it, too, that would be very bad. Was there proof that Dark Force users could manage the same trick as a Jedi? No concrete evidence, so no help there. But Anakin found that he didn't need concrete evidence. His heart told him the trick wasn't a Dark-Force-given one. He wanted to question the validity of the feeling, but the time for such things was gone.
Blinking, Anakin realized that the Sith was speaking again, and its words were important to him.
It said: "Speak your three words."
Obi-Wan's eyes flicked down as if he couldn't, for a moment, bear to look at Anakin. Then he met his padawan's gaze. "Trust the Force."
"That's all?" The Sith was laughing. "What a ridiculous, pathetic attempt at-"
Obi-Wan's eyes had flicked down again, and Anakin followed their movements this time. Only then did he see the meditation crystal floating off the shelf, towards the Sith. Anakin wondered for an instant if Obi-Wan meant to hit the Sith from behind, but then- Trust the Force- he realized that Obi-Wan was going to use the crystal to absorb the Dark Force that still held the youngling suspended. IF it didn't work, probably everyone here would die.
The Sith turned its gaze on Anakin, who had taken a step to the left, wanting to draw the thing's attention far away from the crystal. "I thought I told you to stay still, Boy."
"I've reconsidered my decision," Anakin told it, not letting his eyes stray to the crystal. He would just have to trust the Force- and Obi-Wan- that the crystal would be in place when he needed it to be so. "Will you let me do that?"
The Sith grunted. "You're allowed. After all, I suppose you couldn't live with yourself if all three of those younglings died." He raised the lightsaber.
A humming like a lightsaber crystal not tuned right filled the room, and the youngling fell out of the air, bumping, unhurt, onto the carpet. She scrambled up, running to the other younglings.
The Sith twisted around, staring at the vibrating crystal that had absorbed its power. The crystal's hum had changed to a groaning like the sound made by a heavy icicle tearing free from a roof on a warm winter morning.
Anakin. Not really heard, since the thought was silent and their bond didn't exist, but a call through the Force so strong it didn't need a bond to carry it. And with the voice came the vision of Anakin tossing Obi-Wan his lightsaber.
Anakin glanced at the younglings, and saw that the one with Obi-Wan's weapon had edged closer to him. Anakin held out his hand and called the weapon to him.
The Sith whirled. "You think I don't-" It froze, then turned to the crystal again. "Force, what is this?"
Anakin passed the lightsaber to Obi-Wan, who was on his feet once more and motioning the younglings towards the door. Stand ready, Obi-Wan sent without sending, and Anakin ignited his own weapon. But his eyes, and most of his senses, were focused on the crystal. It was screeching like a dying bird, and Anakin felt the Force around him disturbed like a calm lake thrown into confusion by a meteor falling into its depths.
And still he couldn't sense anything but Light Force around him, and the robed figure in the center of the room still seemed, in terms of the Force, not to be there at all.
Is it a Sith? he sent, but he came up against the wall of Obi-Wan's shields. Retreating into his own mind, he fortified his own defenses. The fact that Obi-Wan was so close should be answer enough. Except it wasn't. Trust the Force, Obi-Wan had told him, and he was; in sang around him, telling him that nothing was wrong here, that nothing was, in the end, wrong. The younglings were never in danger. Obi-Wan was never close to being killed. And the stench of singed cloth (no burned flesh; that had been a creation of Anakin's frightened mind) was there, but was an accident. Obi-Wan's robes weren't meant to be anything but pristine.
No one was attacking. The 'Sith' was staring at the crystal, and this would have been the time to jump him, but Obi-Wan held his lightsaber ready without showing any sign of using it.
The crystal itself was howling, still scaling up. Anakin focused on it, and realized that it was going to go critical soon. It would explode, throwing sharp, tiny spears at them. Something had to be done before the crystal exploded. He took a step forward, and Obi-Wan didn't stop him. Anakin moved into the circle of the 'Sith's' influence, and felt the power that was being channeled into the crystal. Was the black-robed thing trying to make the crystal explode? What would that do? Unable to understand, but thinking that anything the aggressor wanted must be bad, Anakin measured his own connection to the Force, found it strong, and reached out, blocking the Force the Sith was directing at the crystal.
He staggered a step back as the strength of the Force hit him, but then held firm.
The Sith raised a hand, dragging Obi-Wan from behind him. He lifted Obi-Wan off the floor and closed the master's throat with an invisible hand.
Anakin couldn't block the crystal and save Obi-Wan. And there was no one else to help him, except- "Treat the Sith like a Force-toy!" he shouted to the younglings, and almost at once, the hold on Obi-Wan faltered and broke. Then Obi-Wan, too, was focusing his energy on the Sith, just as the younglings were, though they didn't know exactly what they were doing, besides obeying a Jedi and doing what came naturally to them.
The padawan took the crystal out of the powerful current. At once, it fell silent. He slipped it, more than slightly warm, into his pocket, then turned to face the enemy.
The black hood had fallen back and Anakin found himself staring at Ryn-yn Yil. His shock was so complete that at first he didn't realize that the younglings and Obi-Wan had released the master.
Then Ryn-yn took a step back from Anakin and gestured towards the hallway. "We have a ceremony to complete," he said, his face and voice expressionless.
Anakin gaped at him, then stared as Obi-Wan went to the younglings and bowed to them. "You are all to be commended," he said. "You did very well." He chuckled. "Though, Crista, I'm not sure if your calm look was due to trust in the Force or the fact that you knew there was no real danger."
She grinned up at him. "I guess I need to practice my acting skills, Master Obi-Wan."
He shook his head. "No. Honesty is a Jedi's only face." He gestured for them to follow Ryn-yn from the room. They did, and that left only master and apprentice facing each other. Obi-Wan said, "Will you accept that this was a test, and that I'm not allowed to explain anything more until after the ceremony?"
A hundred questions raced through Anakin's mind, and he wanted to be frustrated with Obi-Wan. But then this truth came to him, and he laughed, more in relief than because he was amused: Obi-Wan was safe, and the younglings were safe. No matter what else had happened, or for what reason, they were safe. He said, "All right, Obi. Lead on. I'll follow."
Obi-Wan nodded, pivoted, and led the way to the Council Chamber. When he and Anakin stood at the far end of the corridor, looking towards the chamber doors, Anakin saw the Jedi lined up along the walls. Council members all. Obi-Wan left his side and took his place at the end of the line on Anakin's left.
Anakin started down to the chamber doors, and the masters fell into step behind him, Obi-Wan on his left and Reeft on his right. Through the doors and to the center of the room. Anakin stood there while the Jedi filed around him. Obi-Wan stood near him, but not too close. His hands were hidden in the sleeves of his robes.
Yoda sat before Anakin in a meditative posture and the padawan imitated him. The Force sang around him, and he descended quickly to half-meditation, then through this, without conscious thought, to full meditation. Here he sat, suspended, and all thoughts of his Trials went out of his head. He didn't see anything in his mind, but felt a wave crest around him and over his head. In the wave was a message: soon you will be called to stand against three enemies you know, and yet don't know.
A strange message, but it was undeniably from the Force, and so he accepted it, relaxing into the wave and absorbing the message for later study. If he was meant to know, he would be told. And he was meant to know.
The minutes of meditation passed silently but swiftly and soon Anakin felt the Jedi around him coming out of their meditation. He followed.
Yoda rose, motioning for Anakin to move to his knees. This Anakin did, bowing his head slightly. "No life's journey complete is before we die, but taken an important step today you have, Anakin Skywalker. More steps you have to take. Sense I do an argument going on inside you, but leading you away from the Jedi that argument is not, and so trust I will that time and experience resolve this argument will. Different from any other Trial yours today has been, and different it needed to be. Preparing you for a different road than that of most Jedi we are. Informed that the Chosen One you are we were last night. None know but those in this room. With the Jedi your path will be, for a time, and with the Force it will always be."
Anakin sensed Obi-Wan nearby, but he had no urge to turn and look. His eyes were on Yoda. Even when he felt Obi-Wan lift the padawan braid from his shoulder, he didn't turn his head.
"A step Knighthood is on the path to mastery. And a step mastery is on the path to being one with the Force and its will."
Anakin felt the press of the ceremonial blade against his braid, but he focused only on Yoda. Something about the master's words spoke to him more deeply than words ever had. Something in Yoda called to him, and though he guessed it might simply be the Force shining through Yoda, he wondered if it might be something else. Looking at Yoda, strangely, reminded him of looking at his mother. And not how she had been right before she died, as he had so often imagined her, but as she had been when he was quite young, ready with open arms to always welcome him home, and also ready to send him where he needed to go out in the dangerous world.
"This moment, Anakin, marks your first breath-
The blade cut the braid, and it fell into Anakin's hands, which rested in his lap. The knight stared down at the long twist of hair.
"-as a Jedi Knight. Welcome you we do."
Anakin rose, not knowing why he did so, only knowing that he must. He bowed to Yoda, including the rest of the Council in this gesture. Then he turned to Obi-Wan, who still held the knife, blade-down, in one hand. His former master's eyes were unreadable. The two of them bowed to each other. Only then, as they straightened, did Obi-Wan grin, and though the expression was small, it was warm as a sun-bathed rock.
The two of them stared at each other for a long moment, then Obi-Wan stepped back and allowed others to come to Anakin and congratulate him. Anakin- who had almost seen himself kissing Obi-Wan during that long moment, weakness be damned- was tempted to be hurt, but then, meeting Obi-Wan's eyes over Master Cro's shoulder, he saw that Obi-Wan wanted very much to hold him, but that the master dreaded embarrassing himself or his former padawan.
When he'd been congratulated by all and was allowed to leave, Anakin moved to Obi-Wan's side and held out the severed padawan braid. The need for formal speech was on him and he wondered when he would find the place and wit to ask Obi-Wan to hold him. He said, "Please keep this, Master Obi-Wan. Let it be a sign that I will always be a student, always learning, from other Jedi, and always from you."
Obi-Wan took the braid, bowed over it, and said, his voice composed but his eyes giving away a touch of what he felt, "Thank you, Anakin."
Anakin wanted very much to be alone with Obi-Wan, and so he said, "Can we walk in the gardens? You can explain that last test to me."
"I would-" Obi-Wan began, but then Yoda was standing beside them, and the younger master deferred to the elder.
"Understand your need to talk with Obi-Wan I do," Yoda said, "but tell you a truth I must." He gestured, and Anakin saw that the three of them were almost alone in the room. Only Mace remained, sitting in his chair a little distance from them. "Obi-Wan may stay if you wish him to."
Anakin nodded, unable to imagine asking Obi-Wan to leave. "Yes, Master. I want him to stay."
Yoda sat down right there and the two younger Jedi sat before him. Mace left his seat and came to sit beside Yoda. For a moment, all of them were silent. Then Yoda began to speak.
"Fifteen Coruscanti years ago, gave birth I did to a boy-child unlike any I had seen before. Looked like me he did not, and, at first, believed I did that looked like his father he did not."
Anakin's jaw dropped, but he shot a glance at Obi-Wan, and seeing not a trace of expression on his master's face, he was reminded of what being a Jedi meant. He shut his mouth. Still, he couldn't stop this thought: Yoda had a baby? Somehow, this was much harder to grasp than Obi-Wan bearing children. And even though Yoda and Mace had been together much longer than Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon, Anakin had scarcely been able to picture them having a child. What would such a child look like? He found himself trying to picture a green Mace with white hair, or a brown Yoda with long arms and no hair at all. Either possibility shocked him.
Seemingly, Yoda knew where Anakin's thoughts had wandered. "My first child he was not. And with each child, the Force worked a different miracle. Yace, the first, looked much like Mace." He smiled. "Hence the name. Non-Force-sensitive he was, and so sent him to Mace's family we did. The second, Ahleh we called."
Anakin shot a glance at Obi-Wan. Your master? Did you know? But if Obi-Wan knew, this wasn't evident on his face. Then again, if he was ever to show his surprise, he'd probably be close to fainting. Anakin turned his eyes back to Yoda.
The elderly master was smiling. "Knew she did. Told her I did when she became a knight. Mace's skin color she had, but none of his other features. Easy it was to pass her off as only a found youngling with a strong Force connection." He paused, glanced at Mace, then said, "My third child I will speak of in a moment, but the fourth we named Woda because looks so much like me he does. A miracle the Force has worked time and again. Each child looks like one of us, and never like both of us." Yoda's smile, and the way he met Anakin's gaze, showed that he knew exactly what the former padawan had been thinking, or at least that he had a good idea of what might have been running through Anakin's mind.
"And now, to my third child, born fifteen years ago. I say 'my third' and not 'our third' because Woda was Mace's third child."
Before Anakin could even guess what that might mean, Yoda continued:
"Unsure what to name him at first I was, because by the end of the first day of his life, told me the Force did that the boy Mace's son was not. The boy was born of my flesh, and of the Force."
Obi-Wan's lips moved, then he was still.
Anakin wanted desperately to know what was going through Obi-Wan's mind, but Yoda was still speaking, and so Anakin let the question go.
"A high midichlorian count the boy had, higher than any Jedi I had ever known. Stood to reason this did, considering who his sire was." Yoda was quiet for a long moment, then he said, "Understand you must that, from his first breath, different this child was. Able to move things with his mind he could when only a few minutes old he was. And able to move much more than human babies he was. And of him the Force spoke almost at once, saying that he would help bring balance to the Force."
Anakin opened his mouth, but Obi-Wan reached out and touched the younger man's wrist. Just a brief squeeze, then Obi-Wan withdrew his hand. But his grasp had the desired affect; Anakin was able to guard his tongue. But it was a near thing. This baby Yoda spoke of- two years younger than Anakin- had seemingly been asked to become the Chosen One. So who was this boy, and if he was meant to be the Chosen One, who was Anakin? He didn't deny that being freed of the title might make his life easier, but he found he didn't want his life to be easier.
"Experienced a love and attachment so strong I did that considered hiding the baby from the Force I did." Yoda was silent, and his eyes were downcast for a moment. Then he looked back up, meeting first Anakin's gaze, then Obi-Wan's. "After losing Ahleh, wished nothing more than to keep this child safe did I." He glanced at Mace.
"Do you remember holding a little boy fifteen years ago, Obi-Wan?" Mace asked. "You were a young teenager at the time. Qui-Gon had gone on one of the solo missions he undertook during your padawanship, and you were walking in the Garden of Light."
Obi-Wan nodded. "Yes, Master. I came upon you and Master Yoda walking there. You told me the child was Force-sensitive but you couldn't decide whether to keep him or not." He smiled a little. "I was shocked that you were asking for my opinion."
Mace said, "I asked because I saw a connection between you and the baby. I couldn't see how the two of you were meant to come together, but that your paths were inextricably linked was never in question."
"Curious I am," Yoda said. "Felt anything did you when held the baby you did?"
Anakin wanted to demand that they give this baby a name and explain what it had to do with him. He felt lost in the discussion of fifteen-year-gone walks and feelings.
"The Force hummed like a tuned zyter being strummed," Obi-Wan said. "I'd never heard or felt It so clearly before. When I looked down into the baby's eyes, it was as if the world had dropped away and only the baby, the Force, and I existed."
Yoda nodded. "Saw much of that in your expression I did." He sighed. "Wanted to remove the baby even more desperately from the path of the Force I did. But strong the Force was with me, and so defy it at once I could not. I kept the baby for two weeks. During that time, the child gained a name, and also two years of life."
"He grew as I did on Dagobah," Obi-Wan murmured.
"You noticed," Mace said. "We weren't sure if you would."
Obi-Wan smiled a little. "I couldn't help but see it, once I had time and occasion to glance in a mirror." He turned to Anakin. "The Force can age us more than we would naturally. It's a rare occurrence."
Anakin did his best to digest this. So, he thought, now the boy is two years old instead of two weeks. So if he was born fifteen years ago and gained two years, he's seventeen. A sudden, unreasoning fear seized him. If Obi-Wan was meant to join with this other man, as the Force said, would he be leaving Anakin now that Anakin was a Knight?
"Took my son to Tatooine I did. There, found I did a woman who had lost her own son to Tusken Raiders. Gave her my son I did, believing that hide him from his destiny I possibly could." He looked at Anakin. "Her name Shmi Skywalker was."
Anakin's jaw dropped again, but this time he couldn't stop his words. "I'm your-" But his words were silenced by the tightness in his throat. "I'm your-"
Yoda reached out, catching one of Anakin's hands in his. "My son you are. Named you Anakin I did. Your came to me in a dream came. The name of Shmi's lost child it was, but also it means 'child of the Force'." He smiled. "Saw what I was planning the Force did, and even saw how to protect you it did. My greatest defiance of the Force this was. Shocked I was, and still concerned for you, when brought you back from Tatooine Qui-Gon did. And only when saw I did that you and Obi-Wan so close were did I begin to see that fighting the Force truly foolish was."
He seemed to want to say more; even in Anakin's dizzy-minded state, this much was apparent. Well, and Anakin wanted to say a few things, too. He'd forgotten completely about the trick that had been played on him as part of his Trials. But neither of them was going to get that chance, at least not right away. The chimes to the chamber were struck, and Anakin groaned inwardly.
Obi-Wan rose and went to the door. Anakin realized, belatedly, that this should have been his task, since he was the most junior Jedi there. He glanced at Yoda, but saw that the master- my father- mother- my…- seemed to understand and forgive Anakin's breach of protocol.
A Senatorial aide stood in the doorway, shuffling his feet. He started to bow to Obi-Wan, then stopped, then took a step back. "I'm looking for Master Kenobi," he said.
"You've found him," Obi-Wan answered, his voice soothing without seeming to be so. "How may I help you?"
The aide drew himself up to his full height. "Chancellor Palpatine has heard of your return," he said, "and he wishes to honor you for your great accomplishments."
What accomplishments? Anakin wondered. We've been on a dozen missions, but none of them were extraordinary. He couldn't see Obi-Wan's face, and nothing could be discerned from the set of his former master's shoulders.
Yoda spoke. "Wish for his former padawan to accompany him does the chancellor?"
The aide nodded, and at last settled on a bow in Yoda's general direction. "Yes, sir."
"Speak briefly with these two I will," Yoda said. "A moment only. Then accompany you they will." He beckoned to Obi-Wan who nodded to the aide, then took two steps back so the door closed.
Obi-Wan returned to Yoda and sat as before. His gaze was bright with a suspicion and caution Anakin had come to associate with his master every time he entered the Senate.
Yoda fixed Obi-Wan with a penetrating stare. "Mistrust him even more you do now."
Obi-Wan said, "Anakin and I found evidence that the Chancellor has been part of the corruption in the Senate, and we intercepted a communiqué between Count Dooku and someone in the Chancellor's office. I don't know if it's him, and I have no reason to suspect him-"
Remembering all they'd discovered, and the tension that had filled them both when they thought of the Chancellor connected in any way with the Dark Side, Anakin said, "Except it just feels right that he would be helping Sidious." Besides, he thought, it took a lot of evidence to bring you to this point, Obi, and I'm not going to let your reluctance towards exposing others unfairly stop this from coming out. "Not because he's evil, and he probably doesn't know it's Sidious he's helping, but because he has no more moral depth than a puddle on Tatooine. The corruption he was involved with was related to everything from getting weapons to the Separatists to encouraging the slave trade in the Outer Rim." He glanced at Obi-Wan to see if his master would say anything against these truths, but Obi-Wan only looked grave.
There was silence between the two older masters, then Mace said, "Still, it's better for us to stay on his good side. This isn't an order, but will you both go?"
Anakin glanced at Obi-Wan. He felt the need to speak to the chancellor, even though he knew this wasn't the right time to confront him. But he longed to see if the chancellor was giving off signs that, until now, only Obi-Wan, on a mostly subconscious level, had been aware of. In Obi-Wan's gaze, he read determination to do as they were asked.
"All right," Obi-Wan said.
"May the Force be with you," Yoda said.
In tandem, Obi-Wan and Anakin rose, bowed, and headed to the door. Only as they were passing through it did Anakin remember that he still had much to ask Yoda. So this is the life of a knight, he thought. Not much different than a padawan; we still don't have time to do all the things we want to do. He froze for an instant as that thought traveled through him. Not enough time for explanations, so probably not enough time for love. He knew he was looking for excuses to take his mind off Obi-Wan, but he vowed he would continue to do so. Little mind-games were allowed, if they were the only way to keep the pain to a minimum.
oOo
Side by side, they bowed to Palpatine. He remained seated behind his desk, but offered them a slight nod. Then he gestured for them to sit, and they took the offered seats before the desk.
The chancellor congratulated them on their past few missions, words Anakin barely registered. He was concentrating on looking at Palpatine and measuring him. And he was actively conscious of Obi-Wan beside him. Obi-Wan had worn his diplomatic face from the moment they left the Council Chamber, and no matter how much Anakin tried, he couldn't see so much as a hairline crack in the mask.
"And congratulations are in order to you in particular, Anakin," Palpatine said. "You have become a Knight, I see. That must have happened since you returned to the temple. I can't think of a Jedi who deserves it more than you."
An aide appeared then, slipping in through the door. It wasn't the same nervous man from before, but he still lingered a little distance away, waiting for Palpatine to notice him.
Anakin wondered at that. As far as he knew, there was no reason for most people to fear the chancellor.
And when Palpatine spoke, he was perfectly civil. "Do you have a message?" he asked.
The aide nodded. "Master Yil wishes to see Master Kenobi. I'm to take Master Kenobi to him."
Anakin darted a half-glance at Obi-Wan, saw that his master didn't want to leave, and yet that he would. Anakin nodded, trying to show he understood. He'd become so accustomed to their bond that it was as if they couldn't talk any other way now. He hoped the new bond would be made soon. Giving up on any silent communiqué, and needing Obi-Wan to know that all would be well, Anakin said, "I'll catch up with you, Master."
Obi-Wan nodded, first to Anakin, then to the chancellor, then he turned and left.
Palpatine waited a moment after Obi-Wan was gone, then he rose, came around the desk, and sat beside Anakin. "Why do you still call him 'Master'?"
Startled by the sudden proximity but trying to hide it as Obi-Wan would, Anakin said, "Habit. And out of respect. He's taught me so much."
Palpatine made a noncommittal gesture. He leaned close to Anakin, and the cast of his eyes was so patently sincere that Anakin almost laughed. Did this man think he was fooling anyone?
The chancellor said, "There are lessons outside the Jedi that he can't teach you, that only hard experience, or a friend outside the Order, can teach you."
"Master Obi-Wan has many friends outside the Order," Anakin told him, misunderstanding on purpose, all the while wondering, Why would the chancellor want to be my friend? "They all teach me things I never knew existed."
"Would you be insulted if I wanted to be your friend, Anakin?"
"No, sir. The Jedi want to be friends with all, especially within the Senate and the Republic."
Palpatine sighed. "I don't mean an 'official friend' Anakin. I suppose I mean more like a mentor or father, something you've never really had."
"Obi-Wan is like my father." No, Obi-Wan had never been like his father. His older brother, yes, for a day, and then his master and friend, and now he was… something else. But he'd never been Anakin's father.
Palpatine said, "But he isn't, is he? Not really. He was your master. You need an equal, a friend. A confidante. I'm sure there are secrets you don't feel comfortable sharing with your former master."
Only the secret that I love him, and that's not something I'm ready to share with anyone besides Reeft. Anakin wasn't sure what to say. He wanted to remain on polite terms with the chancellor; as a Jedi, it was his duty to try and maintain peaceful relations.
But before he had to struggle with this dilemma for more than a few seconds, the Force rippled through him, and he heard, through that mysterious pulse, the distant sound of blaster fire. And, on the back of the wave, came the sense of his master, not injured, not yet, but in the midst of that fire. Now he could hear the hum of Obi-Wan's lightsaber, though he knew he was physically too far away to hear anything. He glanced at Palpatine. "Forgive me. There's a disturbance in the Force." And without waiting to see what the chancellor would do or say, he turned on his heel and raced from the office. He longed for their old bond, and vowed that when he and Obi-Wan were out of this new danger, he woud insist they build a new bond immediately.
oOo
The aide asked Obi-Wan to wait in a small room on the rim of the building. There was a large window in it, a chair, and, above the window, a high, sturdy shelf. Obi-Wan took this all in as the aide informed him that Ryn-yn would arrive shortly. Obi-Wan nodded and settled himself by the window to wait. The aide left; the door closed behind him. Obi-Wan noted that the door wasn't locked. Not that he expected it to be, but relaxing his guard after such a long string of dangerous missions was difficult. And he never relaxed his guard all the way anymore, in seemed, not even at Temple, not even in the quarters he shared with Anakin.
The quarters we won't be sharing much longer. He's a knight now. A wave of sadness tinged with joy rolled over him. He let it build, then pass. There were other things to think on. Yoda's announcement, for one. But he couldn't focus there, either. No, his thoughts were on the dreams he'd had while Anakin was in the midst of his Trials. NO matter what he and Reeft had discussed, he still couldn't decide what to do. Doing anything- even having the dream- seemed disloyal to Qui-Gon. Obi-Wan's heart ached as he remembered their parting. Even if it hadn't been in the physical world, he didn't doubt that it had happened.
And there were still more important things, more important than his confusion or pain. Something, he sensed, his reason needed to tell him, something he'd done wrong. Not on purpose, but as an unconscious means of defending himself.
But before he could delve into this revelation, the Force rose round him, drawing his attention to the window. A tiny, circular droid hung outside, its one large sensor-eye staring at him. Obi-Wan knew the design at once, though the assassin who had used its type was dead. It looked just like the droid he'd leapt through Senator Amidala's window to catch.
Under the droid's eye, a little door opened, and a blaster barrel appeared.
Behind Obi-Wan, the door was suddenly pummeled by blaster fire. He was caught in crossfire.
Or most people would have been. Obi-Wan Force-leapt to the shelf above the window, and as the door disintegrated, the droid outside the window took out two more of its kind in the hallway, and six of those in the hall took out the droid outside the window. Two dozen of the little flying spheres now remained, and realizing that their target was above, they began to shoot at him. Some tried to knock him off the shelf while others decided to disintegrate the shelf and make him fall.
Obi-Wan didn't wait for the shelf to disappear. He leapt down, lightsaber spinning, into the midst of those in the room, and began forcing them back out into the hallway. And as he fought, he wondered where Ryn-yn was, if he was safe, and where the droids had come from. If this new attempt on his life was planned by the Separatists, then they were still right here on Coruscant, right in the Senate. He knew that Jedi had been sent, after he was taken to Temple, to search the rotunda and the surrounding area, but no one had been found. The search was still going on, though it had been widened and had mostly become a waiting game as the Jedi followed various leads.
Wait. The Separatists don't have much of a reason to want me dead. The Sith, who want to rule the galaxy in Darkness, would want it, because the Dark Force- He stopped that thought. IT was close to what his reason had wanted to tell him only a minute ago. Well, no time to work it out now. Despite his detached thoughts, the battle was still going on, and more spherical droids were arriving; he counted thirty reinforcements at a glance.
The song of the Force in his bones jumped up a notch, and then a whirling, leaping figure dropped right beside him into the midst of the fray.
Anakin's lightsaber glowed, and so did his eyes, but not with anger. His impishness shone forth, and Obi-Wan was glad to see it. "I leave you alone for five minutes…" Anakin said as he neatly cleaved a droid in two.
"I suppose this means you and I will have to work together a little longer or I'll never be let out of Temple."
Anakin grinned and turned to slice another droid.
Obi-Wan destroyed three droids with one arc of his 'saber. He asked, "Did you leave the chancellor alone?"
"What else was I going to do? The Force said you needed me, so I came."
Strictly speaking, the Force rarely says anything. There. That was most of what his reason had been trying to tell him. This wasn't the best time for a discussion of that revelation. Despite their relatively single-minded and predictable attack approach, the droids were still dangerous. "Well, I'm glad you're here. Recycling is a useful task, but it can be boring when you do it alone." He obliterated yet another droid. They were at last starting to thin out. But unlike living beings, they would fight on to the last functioning unit.
Two minutes later saw the end of the droids. Security forces had arrived, but they stood well back, content to watch the Jedi dismantle the last half dozen droids between them. When all the droids were so much fizzling circuitry on the carpet, Obi-Wan sheathed his lightsaber and unclipped his comlink from his belt. Ignoring the shocked voices of the security detail and the questions they'd begun to fire at Anakin, he activated the small device. "Obi-Wan to Ryn-yn. Respond, please."
Ryn-yn's voice came back at once. "Ryn-yn here. Everything all right?"
"I was going to ask you the same. A battalion of sphere-droids attacked me while I was waiting for you."
"Did we have a meeting I forgot?"
"An aide told me to meet you."
"I'm on the Senate floor. Where did the aide take you?"
Obi-Wan shook his head. "Never mind. You didn't send the aide?"
"I didn't."
"I'll find out where the aide got his orders." Such was his mind just then that Obi-Wan would have simply clicked off the comlink without another word. But Ryn-yn's voice forestalled him.
"Talk this over with Yoda. The Council- Are you alone?"
"No."
"Just talk to Yoda." Ryn-yn paused. "You're not hurt, are you?"
"No." Obi-Wan wanted to pursue Ryn-yn's abortive statement, but now wasn't the time. He was very much aware of his emotional state. He needed to go somewhere quiet for a few minutes and not only release what he felt, but work out the several struggles that were threatening to distract him at a crucial moment. "I'll return to Temple."
"All right. I'll send someone over to collect a sample of the droid mess." A pause, then, "Oh, and congratulate Anakin for me, if you would."
His statement grew an honest chuckle from Obi-Wan. "News travels fast."
"And I heard it from a Senator, not a Jedi." A pause, then, "Ryn-yn out."
Obi-Wan slipped the comlink back into place, then turned to help Anakin field questions. Five minutes later, he and his padawan were striding out of the rotunda. They hadn't spoken to each other since their battle repartee, but now Obi-Wan said, "We have much to discuss. It will have to wait until we speak with Master Yoda, but we must talk."
Anakin nodded. "I think those droids are going to end up being untraceable."
"More than likely." And, until they could truly talk, Obi-Wan realized that would have to be that.
But Anakin disagreed. Laying a hand on Obi-Wan's shoulder- they were standing near the edge of the little island where the rotunda crouched- he said, "We have to reestablish our bond. Before anything else goes wrong." He flushed, but didn't explain his urgency.
Obi-Wan searched his own heart and mind before answering. "All right." He closed his eyes and reached out. Halfway, he met Anakin. They were joined. The new bond, he felt at once, went deeper than the old and it would be even harder to cut this one than the last. He sent, If this was ever to be severed, it would be more like losing a lung than a limb. Painful doesn't even begin to describe the disorientation and loss we'd feel.
Was your second bond with Qui-Gon like this?
No. Obi-Wan's smile was wan. As is true with most of what I've felt with you, this is new to me. But can't you feel its depth and strength for yourself? The Force hums with it. That will pass, in time; we'll become used to this bond as we were used to the last. But the strength of the bond will not diminish. He paused, considering. Some bonds increase in strength if they are used often enough.
Anakin drew half a step closer to Obi-Wan. Could destroying this bond ever be like killing? He sounded afraid and awed.
Doubtful, Obi-Wan answered. It is a psychic bond within the Force, and no matter what happened to it, the Force would still be in us and around us, sustaining us. But it could be… very distressing. He smiled a little again. We have now reached a point in questioning that I hope we never have to go beyond. Some questions are best left unanswered. He clapped a hand on Anakin's shoulder, bringing them both back to the physical world. "Now, we need to go speak with Master Yoda."
oOo
Their council with Yoda was brief. The wise master seemed to see the need in both of them to be alone together and work things out.
He told them the Council had shared a vision. The central image had been a vast and growing tree, with arcing branches, and blossoms on each branch. The tree was the Force, or so the Council members deduced, and this tree rose out of strong, yet rocky soil, and was fed by the blowing wind, which brought water and nutrients. To this tree came Ryn-yn, alone, and he laid his hand on it to draw strength. All around him hovered the half-visible visages of Jedi past who had done the same. Then a figure approached Ryn-yn- a being white as the light of ten suns on unmelted snow- and when Ryn-yn turned, he cried out once, threw up his hands to protect himself- and disappeared, incinerated. The being laughed. The tree, allowing this to happen, glowed for a moment; for a breath, Ryn-yn's features could be seen in its bark. Then the tree was alone again, and the being was gone. Not into the tree, but far away from it, as far as the being could get.
Yoda paused, allowing the Jedi to draw their own conclusions, then he said, "Speaks of death in the Force this vision does." He met Obi-Wan's gaze. "Your thoughts I would hear."
Anakin opened his mouth, then shut it.
Obi-Wan glanced at him, then back at Yoda, who nodded. "Go ahead, Anakin," Obi-Wan said. "I'll give my own opinion in a minute."
Anakin hesitated, but only for an instant. They'd asked for his opinion; he'd be a fool to miss this opportunity. "Ryn-yn is going to die," he said. "Maybe this vision was using him as a metaphor for all Jedi, but I don't think that was its first goal. He's going to die, to be killed by someone we think is above reproach."
"These are my thoughts also," Obi-Wan said.
Yoda nodded. "Perhaps another vision tell us more will." He looked between the two Jedi. "A need to talk I see in both your faces. Dismissed you are. Only a short time you will have together, I believe. Talk quickly you should." He rose and gestured for them to do the same. "May the Force be with you."
"And with you," Obi-Wan returned. Then he and Anakin left. They walked towards their quarters in silence, though they both felt the press of time. Emotions flowed freely between them: tension and concern from Anakin, self-directed irritation and a sense of time running swiftly behind them from Obi-Wan. All these emotions were muted in the balm that was the Force.
Once they were in their quarters, Obi-Wan locked the door. He didn't justify this gesture, but went to the couch and motioned for Anakin to join him there. "What would you discuss, Pad-" he shook his head- "forgive me, Anakin. Do you want me to tell you about that last Trial?"
"Not yet." Anakin ached to hold Obi-Wan's hands, and judging that he could keep his feelings in check, he gave in, cradling Obi-Wan's hands in his. "Forgive me. You're probably tired of my worry. But are you hurt?"
Obi-Wan shook his head. "I'm distracted and there's much on my mind, but I wasn't injured. The Force was with me."
Still sensing distance between them, longing for the years before Obi-Wan went to Dagobah, or even, he thought, the weeks before I was promoted to senior padawanship, Anakin reached through their bond. Obi?
A wave of sadness and deep, abiding love was his answer. That, and the arm that curled around his shoulders and drew him close.
Anakin leaned against Obi-Wan for a moment, then sent, We can't sit like this forever. I'm much taller than you. A tiny smile. Master.
But you want to be held. If this isn't comfortable, lie with your head on my lap.
Anakin blinked and blushed. Is that allowed?
We're alone here. Neither of us is a Sith Lord or a Dark Force user. I trust you enough to have you do that. Do you trust me enough?
Yes. Anakin lay on his back with his head pillowed on Obi-Wan's thigh. He closed his eyes as Obi-Wan smoothed his hair back with one hand and massaged his shoulder with the other. Much of his tension evaporated, and he felt Obi-Wan's scattered thoughts settling like so many little birds crowding into nests for the night. He decided to ask a question that would test the waters between them. Obi?
Hm? The hands stilled, then began to move again.
Why are we comfortable like this?
Anakin, do you want my theories or the most logical reason?
Logic, I guess. He thought he might be disappointed, but he reasoned that as a Jedi he couldn't overindulge in dreams. Still, dreams were more than nice; they were necessary sometimes.
We were made this way, and, maybe, our destinies are connected, and so we are meant to face a similar future together.
As what? He meant: as friends or as lovers? But Obi-Wan couldn't know that.
As Jedi. What else?
Anakin couldn't answer.
After a little time, Obi-Wan asked, Do you want to hear my theories?
Anakin rallied himself; he was more hurt than he wanted to admit by Obi-Wan's words. Sure.
Sometimes I think you were given to me as a padawan and friend to ease the pain I feel at Qui-Gon's passing. A pause. And to help me in a decision I had to make recently.
What decision?
I had to let go of Qui-Gon's memory, not to forget him, but not to mourn what is lost. I couldn't have done that without you, or, at least I couldn't have done it and come out the stronger.
Anakin let go of his hurt.
As for theories: We were put together- and depend on each other- because, in many ways, we're opposites. Or, if you like, we're together because we are so much alike.
Anakin blinked. Alike? How?
Arrogance, though it manifests itself in different ways, and passion. He paused. Anakin? Do you mind if I leave off the theories for a moment? There's something I need to tell you.
Anakin felt the hairs on the back of his neck rise. He tried to hide this feeling from Obi-Wan, but failed.
It's nothing bad. Just a mistake I made. It started as an unconscious wall between my fears and my rational mind, but I nurtured it. Ready? But he didn't wait for Anakin's go-ahead. The Force is an intelligent energy field. It guides us more than a sandstorm or a current in the ocean would, but It is not the be-all and end-all Answer that I was making It out to be. It isn't, to use an archaic term, a god. I put the Force into that place of honor because I didn't think I could make my own decisions. Even after everything I learned on Dagobah, this still remained: you were attacked and I couldn't help. Knowing that, and because I didn't want to feel guilty for letting Adee rape you, I tried to put all blame and all responsibility on the Force.
Obi, the rape didn't break me like you- He stopped. I'm sorry. That sounded disrespectful.
It's all right, Anakin. My past pain is no secret; don't treat it like a taboo topic. It's part of who I am, and so it is part of our relationship. It's not something I would change if I could. I am the man you see today because of everything I've grown through. Do you understand what I mean about the Force being less of a god and more of a intelligent, all-knowing energy field? He shook his head, laughed a little. I admit, saying it that way doesn't make much of a distinction, but the division is great. We still call on the Force, and the Force still leads us, but sometimes, when we hear a voice speaking to us in times of trouble, it is our own voice. Maybe influenced by the Force, but hardly ever is it the Voice of the Force. Have I lost you?
No. I didn't know you had believed the Force was a higher being. I didn't know you went through all this. When did you go through it?
After Qui-Gon died, but mostly during our mission to protect Senator Amidala. That mission to Geonosis was more unsettling to me than I could at first admit. And afterwards, when I dreamed of Qui-Gon, I pretended to myself that the Force was speaking to me, because I didn't know how else to- He stopped, and a wave of dizziness passed over him. Where is the line between visions and created images?
Anakin felt Obi-Wan's unease. He sat up and drew the older man into the circle of his arms Obi? What are you talking about?
I… Anakin, I…
A feeling passed through them both, a sensation akin to having a warm wave pass overhead, then recede.
Anakin sensed the easing in Obi-Wan's mind. What was that?
The answer to my question, the master answered. Visions do happen, and the Force can speak. No matter the created things in my own mind, that truth lives. He shook his head, his beard brushing against the low collar of Anakin's tunic, and also against the younger man's shin. My faith is not misplaced. The Force is still to be leaned upon. He drew back from Anakin. "It was a spiritual crisis, one you didn't share in. And I have to admit that much of the fear I felt was concern that you would have fallen into the same trap of seeing the Force as more than It is." He laughed a little. "I didn't have to worry about that, seemingly."
Anakin took in everything Obi-Wan had said, then he said, "When I'm gaining trust in the Force every day, but still I'm nowhere near your level of faith, I don't think you have to worry about me making more of the Force than it is." He let his hands fall from about Obi-Wan's shoulders, clasping the older man's hands in his. "But why did you need to pretend the Force was so strong?"
Obi-Wan met his gaze squarely. "I would prefer not to say completely. There are two parts to my hiding. The Force commands me not to tell the first part, and I know now that it was in fact the Force and not a product of my self-deception. As to the second reason, I'm reluctant to discuss it unless you and I talk first about what Adee did to you."
Anakin tensed, but couldn't bring himself to pull away.
The older man continued, "When I mentioned the attack, you flinched, in your mind and physically. I doubt you were aware of it. Or if you were, I think you were trying to hide it from me." He gripped Anakin's hands with sudden force and said, "Listen to me. All your progress with the Force isn't going to mean anything unless you acknowledge the emotions you feel. Surely they're different from the ones I've felt under similar circumstances, but many of them are also the same."
"How does my talking about an event that's long over relate to you explaining yourself?"
"Because I have a confession to make, one that I won't place on you until I know you can handle it. As things are right now, my confession might frighten you, and I would rather almost anything than that. Why are you so reluctant to talk about the rape?"
Anakin flinched; he was aware of it this time, though Obi-Wan had been right: he hadn't noticed any flinch last time. "Why are you so determined to talk about something I've dealt with? I did a lot of growing while you were gone. You don't talk about all of that. What makes this so different?"
"Actually, unless there's a galactic-sized secret you're keeping from me, I think we've talked about all the rest, in one form or another. Anakin, I can't force you to talk. Even when you were a padawan, I couldn't do that. And now I can't order you to do so, something I've never felt the need to do until now. You're past ordering; you're a knight. But, Anakin, ask yourself honestly: why are you so unwilling to talk about this? If it's not an issue anymore, as you claim, what's the harm in humoring your ex-master in this one last thing? If you do that, I promise I will lay bear this reason that concerns us both."
Anakin stood up, turned away, and went to stand near the doors to the balcony. "Please, Obi," he whispered, "don't ask me. Maybe I haven't dealt with it, but-" He bit his tongue. Obi-Wan's gentle questions had pulled at him until he was almost ready to confess. But he couldn't. He wouldn't.
Obi-Wan rose. He crossed to Anakin and wrapped his arms around the taller man from behind. As Anakin tensed under his hands, he said, "Does my closeness frighten you? Or does it just make you uncomfortable?"
Anakin stood like a stone in the circle of his arms. "Both," he admitted at last.
Obi-Wan drew back and moved so that he stood before Anakin. "Then there's no way I can confess that second reason. What Adee did to you is making you uncomfortable around me now. It wasn't before but now that you remember it and are thinking on it, an embrace that always gave you comfort is having the opposite effect."
"It's not just thinking about Adee." Anakin retreated several steps. "I don't want to think about this right now. I should think about setting up my own quarters so I'm not a burden on you."
Obi-Wan's eyes flashed. "Anakin, what is it?" he demanded. He advanced on his former padawan, and his expression was as fierce as Anakin had ever seen it. "I won't let you undo all the ties we've made, all the trust and-"
Anakin fumbled in his mind, looking for the end of the new link. He found it, buried deep. He braced himself, hastily built a shield about the rest of his mind, hesitated for an instant, then cut the link.
He meant to escape before Obi-Wan realized the link was broken, but the older Jedi's cry was immediate and much louder than Anakin had expected. He hesitated again, wanting to just walk out- Force knew that if he stayed, Obi-Wan's innocent and not so innocent words would work subtle magic on his heart and make him speak all his fear. Glancing back, he saw Obi-Wan was still on his feet, but his head was bowed, his face hidden in his hands. His shoulders didn't shake and he didn't cry out again, but Anakin swore he could see the pain he'd caused in every line of the man's body.
Should he stay? What good would it do? He would lose the battle he was now fighting, and in that case, the pain he'd caused Obi-Wan would be unforgivable.
Clearing his throat, he said, "I…" But finding that he really had nothing to say, that he couldn't even pretend at being sorry, he turned and left their quarters. Obi-Wan's quarters now, he thought.
Just before the doors closed, he thought he heard "Wait. Please" but he chose to ignore it.