Chapter 35

There was a long silence, stretching out uncomfortably, which Xavier kept himself from breaking through an act of sheer will. Logan stood in front of him, his expression unreadable, his left hand slowly rubbing the knuckles of his right as he stared off into space.

"Yer fucking serious?" He finally asked, meeting Xavier's eyes with his own.

"Yes I am," Xavier answered, leaning forward and folding his hands under his chin. "I believe that this is a practical solution to our dilemma. Indeed, it may well be the only one."

Then to the Professor's complete astonishment, Logan smiled. It was not a pleasant sight. "Been thinkin about this for a while, ain't ya?"

"I…I'm not sure what you mean Logan," Xavier stammered, when he finally found his voice.

The Wolverine barked out a laugh that ended as abruptly as it had started. "Come on Chuck. Kinda figured out a while ago why ya wanted me around. Just never thought it'd be you."

Xavier took a moment to collect himself. The conversation had just became more complicated then he'd expected. "Logan, the option I have just mentioned has been on my mind since Alkali Lake. And I promise you that I am the only target I have ever considered asking you to eliminate. Only under a very special set of circumstances of course."

The other man sniffed the air once, and then gave Xavier a small nod. "So you don't want me around just cause I don't mind doin the dirty work. But ya ain't exactly bothered about it either."

"Yes, I will admit to that. I do not hold with taking lives Logan. That being said, whatever my dreams for the future may be, I would be naïve not to acknowledge that mutants may well face a very dark reality."

Logan shrugged is shoulders and walked over to the large office window, his back to Xavier. "Yer more important then the damned machine Chuck," he drawled, after another long silence. "Who the hell you think mutants are gonna go runnin to if you ain't around?"

"They will gravitate to Eric in any event, if we cannot protect them. Without Cerebro I feel helpless Logan. If as you say groups such as Hydra are hunting mutants, then it is more vital then ever that I have access to it."

"Sorry, but I don't think Fury would go for it. And even if he did, I won't."

"Perhaps you are correct about Colonel Fury. Nevertheless, I still feel the need to secure your promise to do what ever it takes to ensure that I will never again be used as I was at Alkali Lake."

"I don't kill for other people," he shot back in a low voice. "I'm the only one who get's ta decide that now. Don't really see it's a problem anyway, since yer machine won't be in the picture any more."

"You may well be right. However, I am not the only one who knows how to build Cerebro."

"Shit. Didn't really think about that."

"So you see Logan," Xavier went on, his voice carefully neutral, "there is still a danger, one that still needs your commitment should the situation ever arise."

"Gotta better idea Chuck. Instead a me promising ta kill you, why don't I kill Lenscherr."

"No Logan," Xavier replied, shaking his head. "Eric must be brought to justice, but I cannot sanction his murder."

"Justice huh?" Logan snarled, turning from the window, "like the justice he handed out ta Marie? Or maybe like what he did at Alkali Lake? You and Cyke shouda killed that mother fucker at Liberty Island! If ya had, none a this shit happens."

"The X-men are not a band of vigilantes," Xavier shot back. "We do not take the law into our own hands."

"Yeah. Maybe we shoulda called the cops after Stryker snatched ya."

"Logan I cannot stress highly enough…"

"Can it Xavier," the other man cut in. "We already tried things yer way. Didn't get us much, did it?"

"If mutants are to be accepted by the rest of man kind, we must live by the same rules."

"That's a good one. Why don't ya try tellin that to Jubilee. Or better yet Jeannie."

"Do you think I am pleased about the way things are," the Professor demanded, his face flushed with anger. "However much I might enjoy striking out against our enemies, it would only make our situation worse."

"Don't see how it could be worse Chuck." With a shrug, Logan started for the door.

"Please Logan, a moment more if you will," Xavier called out. "I want you to know that I would not make this request were not the situation so dire. I still believe that without the use of Cerebro, our mission of finding and protecting young mutants will be almost impossible."

"Sorry Chuck, no dice. It'll be tougher, but it's gonna help ya in the long run."

"How can you possibly say that?"

"Cause you ain't gonna be around forever. Time ta start figurin out how things are gonna be when there's no one around who can use Cerebro."

That conversation, hell the whole damned situation irritated him, like an itch he couldn't scratch. The longer he thought about it, the more ticked off he got. Xavier didn't even blink about offering himself up to be killed, but the idiot wouldn't do the thing that really needed to be done. Get rid of Magneto. After a while he shrugged it off, after all it was old news and didn't much figure into their current dilemma. Whatever happen to that old bastard, it wouldn't change a thing about the other problems they had now. Nothing had really been decided, not to his satisfaction. Xavier had only agreed because it was the only real choice he had. Logan had no idea what Summers was thinking, other then he was pissed off at Chuck for some reason. And the others, they were just scared. Or scared and pissed in Ororo's case. Angry at him, he was sure of it, from the tone of her voice, and how she'd challenged his willingness to give in to Fury. That was one of the biggest differences between them. When it came right down to it, they were all idealists, and he wasn't.

All of them really thought that they could make a difference, that what they were doing here would somehow leave the world a better place in the end, and that they'd actually be around to see it. That last part really stuck in his crawl, because that wasn't the way things worked. Some vague ghost of memory made him certain that those kind of changes could only be bought by sacrifice and blood. Lenscherr realized that, and Logan knew down to his bones that the man wouldn't flinch. He'd proved that twice, but Xavier still didn't understand. Probably never would if his reaction to Jean's death was any indication. Maybe because what happened to her had been so quick, so unexpected. Almost an accident. He wondered what Xavier and the others would do when other people they knew and loved started dying right before their eyes. Logan only knew that he wanted to put that off for as long as possible. Giving in to Fury was the only way he could figure how to do that.

When he got tired of thinking he took the elevator to the basement, determined to lose himself in something. He thought about the Danger Room, but it was occupied, so he decided on weights instead. After working his way through the all the stations of the weight machine twice, he pulled the hundred pound dumbbells from the rack and started on arms curls, using the dull repetitions to help empty his mind. Soon enough the matters that preoccupied him fell away and there was only the two masses of iron, moving up to his shoulders and down again, as his muscles flexed and relaxed. That was how Marie found his, his arms moving like levers, eyes wide open and seeing nothing, his breath deep and regular.

"Logan," she said softly, then again louder, and finally, after the third repetition he stopped.

"What?" He asked, his voice a little hoarse, as he went to the rack to replace the weights.

"What are you doin?"

"Marie," he said, with a hint of annoyance, and she shook her head and chuckled.

"Ah mean… does liftin weights even do anything for ya?"

"Not much," he admitted grabbing a small towel from a shelf to rub the sheen of sweat from his forehead. "Gotta do a hell of a lot of reps ta make a difference."

"Then why?"

"Cause it does make a difference," he prevaricated, not wanting to explain his reasons for wanting to empty his mind.

Besides it was the truth, as far as those things went. He need to work pretty damned hard to change his physique. It was kind of a surprise when he started on the weights and nothing much happened, so he's asked Hank about it. Of course Big Blue got all interested, wanted to run a bunch of damned tests to find out why. And of course he'd said no. So all Hank could do was theorize, which to Logan was just a fancy word for taking a guess. McCoy figured that because of his mutation (big surprise there), his body already had what Hank called 'optimal muscle tone and density,' so adding any more turned out to be a huge fucking chore. That sounded reasonable to him. Since Logan had never bother to regularly lift anything heavier then a case of beer (or a woman) before he'd come to the mansion, he had no clue himself.

"Ok," she said with a funny half smile, and it took him a few moments to realize she was staring at his chest. His naked, sweaty chest.

"Marie," he warned mildly, and she had the nerve to laugh at him.

"Relax Logan. It's my rommie who's in lust with ya. Ah'm just enjoyin the view."

He chuckled low in his throat, shaking his head. She smiled back, laughing, and then that grin was gone and her eyes locked in on his. "Someone gonna tell us what's goin on Logan?"

Damn it, he really didn't want to deal with this right now. He first impulse was to play dumb, and get the hell out of there. But he knew exactly what she wanted to know, and couldn't think of a single reason why she shouldn't. Fuck Xavier and his bullshit intentions, she was already training to be an X-Man. Sure, he wasn't going to actually ask her until she was done with school, and there wasn't going to be any missions until Marie was eighteen, but that was the deal and she and her buddies knew it. Pretending they were still kids for a few more weeks wasn't going to do any body any good.

"Meet me in the garage in thirty minutes," he rumbled, giving her an answer. "We'll go some where."

"The mall?" She asked, flashing a grin, and he groaned, but nodded.

And she went tearing out of the weight room in a flash, her excitement reminding him that while she was about to take on the responsibilities of an adult, there was still a little bit of kid inside her, despite everything she'd gone through. Maybe Xavier was a little bit right about this, maybe she could hold on to that for a little while more. Maybe keeping her and her friends in the dark about certain things wasn't such a bad idea, except that she already knew. Not all the details, not unless she's forgotten to tell him she was psychic. But she already had a pretty good idea that something was going on, and it wouldn't take her very long to figure out it was bad. Hell, one good look at Summer's face in an unguarded moment would tell her that. Besides, when it came right down to it, telling her that everything was alright was just something he couldn't do. He might shade the truth with Marie, and he certainly didn't have a problem with not telling her certain things. He just couldn't lie to her. With a shrug he went to the elevator. Thirty minutes would give him just enough time to take a shower.

When he saw who was with her, he almost said no. Jubilee didn't look too damned happy about it either. Her jaw dropped as soon as she saw who was giving them a ride. It only took a moment for that surprise to morph into something like fury.

"Rogue," she whispered, staring hard at her friend.

"Can it Jubes, Marie shot back with a grin. "Who else do ya think I could get ta take us?"

The other girl shook her head, muttering obscenities, but when she started to move toward the door Logan had just come through, Rogue grabbed her arm. "Please Jubes, Ah need you to come with me."

"Why?"

"Cause there's some stuff Logan needs ta me talk about. Stuff you need ta hear to. Sides, Ah really hate when the two people Ah love the most can't stay in the same room together."

Jubilee turned her head, looking at Logan for a long time, then nodded. Getting to the mall was a twenty minute ride. Logan took a car so the girls could sit together in the back seat, whispering to each other about which stores they were going to check out, while he drove and pretended not to hear. Once they got there it seemed like Marie wasn't in any hurry to hear what he had to tell her. Those two stopped at every damned place that had any female clothing at all, along with three shoe stores. Even tried to slip into that lingerie place that still mails catalogues to the mansion addressed to Jean Gray. That's when he put his foot down. There was no way he was going in there, and he wasn't about to let either one of them out of his sight. Not after what happened the last time they were here. Marie giggled at his intransigence, while Jubes snagged a new catalogue for herself after waggling her eyebrows at him. Then just when he thought he was safe, those brats devised a new torture for him.

The were almost at the food court when they suddenly halted, looking at each other with expressions that put him on alert. Marie started to laugh and Jubes just nodded. Then they both made a beeline toward other damned shop. Logan started to follow, but stopped dead when he saw it was a clothing store for men. He barked out a warning, but they were already inside, so he followed, trailing curses in his wake. Damn, he thought, once he was inside. There were racks of pants, and not one of them was made from denim, row after row of suits, sport coats, along with thousands of ties (the sight of which made him feel a little queasy), top coats, and even tuxedoes. Penguin suits, a voice whispered in his head, and he stared at them, certain that at some point in his life, he dressed in a tux on a regular basis. Jubilee followed his line of sight and snickered.

"Come on Wolvie. You gotta learn ta crawl before you can run." She grabbed his hand, tugging him toward the suits and dress shirts.

Some smarmy looking guy dressed to the nines headed toward them, but Jubilee waved him away. She walked slowly down each rack, occasionally picking out a suit to hold in front of him, exchanging comments with Rogue about side vents versus center, two button or three, and what kind of fabric or pattern (window pane?) looked good on him. At first it was like they were talking in a foreign language, and one he really didn't think he wanted to listen to. After all, he had exactly six pairs of blue jeans, twelve shirts, and enough underwear to get him through a week without needing to do laundry (not that he minded going commando if he had to). The reason for this wasn't that he was a cheap son of a bitch (which was true enough). It was just that if he'd owned anything more then that, it wouldn't fit in his duffel. By the time they'd reached the end of the third row of racks he felt a homicidal urge coming on. He was just about to turn and run for his life when Jubilee actually squeaked, and took off toward another set of racks across the store.

"What the hell is she doin?" He growled at Rogue.

"Jubes loves this sorta thing," she answered with a shake of her head. "She's got notebooks full of drawings she's made of different clothes and how they'd look on people, along with teeny little swatches of different kinds of fabric."

"Damn it Marie, that girl's gonna drive me crazy."

"Come on Logan, and buck it up, will ya. Can't ya see how happy she is? Sides, she really is good at this. Even helps the Professor pick out his suits."

"Yer kiddin me?"

"Nope," she answered, whispering in his ear, because her friend was heading straight for them, holding several suits out in front of her. "From what Jubes told me, Professor Xavier used to wear sweater vests."

Logan wasn't sure what she was talking about, but the way Marie said it that must have been a bad thing. But she was right about one thing. While her friend wasn't quite smiling, he could tell from her posture and tone of voice that Jubilee was enjoying herself. What the hell he figured, if this got him back on her good side, he could suffer along for a few minutes. Logan sure didn't enjoy being in a place like this and he didn't have any real use for the suits, but it sure beat the hell outta actually having to talk to the kid about what was bugging her. So he let her prattle on for a few more minutes about designer suits (which were apparently what she was holding), and the advantages of European over American styling (better silhouette?) while at the edge of his mind, a memory niggled about how he used to dress in a more formal way, even if nothing the kid showed him struck a bell. After a little while longer she finally started to run down, and he strongly suggested they find a place to eat.

There was a simpering suburban like version of a brew pub on the upper level of the food court, which featured locally brewed beer that smelled funny. But at least the food appeared to be edible, and it was a sit down place with booths and Molson by the bottle. They settled in and placed their orders, and after their drinks arrived he took a pull from his beer and Marie nudged her friend in the ribs.

"Ok Logan, what's going on?"

Loaded question that, and he spent enough time thinking about how to answer that both girls started to get nervous. He finally decided that it was no use trying to make this sound good. So he tried to explain how a international spy agency called SHIELD, run by a guy he knew named Nick Fury had found out about what had happened at Alkali Lake, and that this was going to be a huge fucking problem. That's about as far as he got before Jubilee decided she'd heard enough.

"Dude," she blurted out, with that slight So Cal accent that still lingered. "I mean seriously…spies? And why should we be in trouble? Those fuckers attacked us!"

"Hold it down kid," he growled. She opened her mouth to speak again, but he cut her off. "It ain't about what happened ta Stryker and his goons. It's about what Chuck did when he was hooked up ta that machine."

"That's not his fault!" The Asian girl insisted, before going on in a quieter voice. "It was that freak screwing with his head."

"Yeah it was. But it don't matter kid, cause you know who's gonna get blamed for it."

"Mutants." Marie croaked, with just a tiny edge of fear in her voice.

"Well shit," Jubilee muttered, after sipping some of her drink from a straw.

"What are we gonna do?" Marie asked, rubbing her gloved hands together.

"Whatever we gotta do ta survive kid. Fury ain't lookin to turn us over to the feds, but there's gonna be a price. He wants Chuck to get rid of Cerebro."

"Why?" Jubilee asked, her expression a mixture of surprise and confusion.

"Cause Fury ain't about to let Chuck keep Cerebro after what happened."

"No I get that," she answered, then shuts up because the waitress is here with there food. After the plates are handed out, she snags a fry from her plate and gobbles it down.

"Why is this Fury even giving us a choice? What does he want with us?"

That's a good question, he thinks, and he wish he knew the answer for sure. But he doesn't so he shrugs and takes a big bite out his burger, and washes it down with some more beer. Then he tells them about what happened at the warehouse last week. Both of the girls know some of the details, but not everything. Not that he's not going to tell them every detail, just mainly the reason why. They need to know about HYDRA more then anything, if they're going to be able to make an intelligent decision, which is the real point of him doing this.

Cause it isn't about protecting their kind against some racist assholes who don't have a clue, or rescuing kids from bad parents or abusive foster homes. Cause now there's a chance these kids will be dealing with trained killers on a regular basis, people who are looking to take and use mutants as tools for their fucked up plans. So he tells them about what went down, not because he wants their sympathy on account of what happened to him, but so they would think about what the result would be if it was one of them those fuckers were shooting instead. Then he makes a mistake. Whoever said that honesty is always the best policy was full of crap. Because when Marie hears what happened to the mutants HYDRA was after, that little bit of trepidation he'd noticed from her is gone, replaced by pure fury.

"They killed those kids, just cause they didn't like their…gifts?"

"Yeah, that's about right kid. HYDRA wants mutants who have powers they can use. Mutants like you two."

"Why are you tellin us this Logan?" She demands, struggling to control her emotions.

"Cause you need ta know what you're gonna be up against."

"Bullshit, you're tryin ta scare us," she responds.

"You should be scared kid," he answers, forcing his own voice to remain calm.

"Course Ah am," she snaps back, determination written plainly on her face. "But Ah'm not going to abandon my family, and Ah won't stop fighting for what Ah believe in. That would make me a coward."

He simply nods, biting back the sudden surge of rage he feels, most of it directed at Xavier and the others. Because he knows her well enough to think that Marie wasn't like that before she came to the school. He doesn't pretend that he knows what kind of a kid she was before she ran away, but eight months on the road is enough to burn away whatever idealism you might hold on to. Trouble is she ended up living in a house full of idealists, and apparently it's communicable. He should know after all. The thing of it is, he's pretty sure that a little bit of that won't get him killed. His eyes flick over to Jubilee, and he sees some of the same tenacity that Marie projects, but there's something else there to. A wariness that he's familiar with, because he sees it every time he looks in a mirror. She blinks twice when she sees he's watching her, then looks away, but not before she inclines her head, a tiny nod. The kid was like him. Jubilee has no problem fighting to protect her own, but she's not about to lay her life on the line for an idea. He thinks about Xavier, about how the old man could actually ask Logan to kill him without batting an eye, and right at the moment he'd really like to, because he doesn't ever want to see Marie end up like that.

"You listen ta me kid," he rumbles, fixing her with a stare. "Runnin away from a fight ya can't win ain't got nuthin ta do with being a coward."

"Are you gonna run?" She demands, and he wants to say yes, that he's taking them both and getting the hell out. But instead he just shakes his head.

"It ain't the same thing Marie."

"Dude, are you saying we can't win?" Jubilee asks, before Rogue could respond.

"Don't know kid. Not really sure what winning would look like."

"That's easy Wolvie. Winning means we're still alive."

Rogue frowns at that, but she doesn't say anything more, just picks at her food until he's finished eating. Jubes cleans her plate and orders desert, which doesn't really surprise him. The kids been through more then enough shit that she had to learn a long time ago how to distance herself from things she couldn't do anything about. That used to be easy for him, but not lately. The drive back is quiet, and he thinks about how he really felt concerning Marie risking her life for Xavier's ideals. It doesn't take him too long to realize it feels like shit.

A/N: Still working on this, and I'll try to get the next one out faster. Should be finished in two or three more chapters. There will be a follow on. Please press that review button and let me know what you think.