"And how do you feel about that?"
"Used up.. Dirty."
"Do you always feel dirty?"
"sometimes." Emma told her therapist of 2 months, and she played with her hands together while looking down. She sat on a big leather couch as the therapist sat across on a chair.
"What's going on around you when you think that?" Doctor Laura asked.
Emma inhaled deeply, looking out the window and bit her lip, "When I go see him.."
Doctor Laura began to write something on her notepad but stopped and tilted her head, "When you see..Your boyfriend?" she looked through her note pad, "Jay?" she recalled.
Emma nodded looking down, feeling her heart tear apart.
"You think he looks at you differently?" Laura asked.
Emma sucked in a deep shakey breath and said, "I don't think he thinks differently, but.." Emma swallowed hard, "Trey has been making me think he does since he.." she drifted off, not wanting to say rape.
A flash of memory:
As Trey buckled his pants up, he taunted Emma, "I can see why my brothers crazy bout ya but I gotta admit, don't think he'll be much interested after this."
Laura smiled softly, "You said his name." she said, as if it was a break through.
Emma shrugged slowly but nodded, she looked up at the cieling, "I feel, a little better? I mean.. I haven't had a nightmare for a week or two." she explained.
"That's really good Emma." Laura assured happily.
Emma smiled softly and nodded but then admitted, "But I do have flashes whenever someone says the word.."
"Rape." Laura frowned, "That sadly may never go away, may happen less and less though. It's just like a brain fart, ice cream makes you think."
"Of ice cream." Emma smiled.
"Family makes you think of?"
"My parents and brother."
"And when.. rape, comes to mind?"
"Trey." Emma said, clenching her jaw.
"You can be mad at him." Laura said, "It's better than being scared of him." she took a deep breath, "You're getting so much better, we're almost done."
"Really?" Emma smiled softly, proud of herself.
Doctor Laura smiled kindly and nodded, "Don't rush it though." she warned, "Don't want to have a set back."
"I won't." Emma insisted and she looked down.
Laura watched Emma and tapped her notepad, "How many more months does Jay have?"
"One more." Emma answered.
"And then.." Laura drifted.
"then 6 more months probation." Emma explained, looking a bit sad she did that to him.
"You think him in jail is your fault." Laura knew best.
Emma's heart broke and her lip trembled, "Isn't it?"
Laura shrugged her left shoulder, "He may of reacted a bit.. wrong, to protect you but.. the court saw that he did it for your defense, and it was his own brother.." Laura reminded, "And lets face it, people like Trey would of ran, it was probably for the better Jay beat him down until the cops showed up.. he just didn't get lucky himself"
"They charged assault and battery." snickered Emma, shaking her head. It was ridiculous. 3 months in jail, then 6 months probabation. Trey got 7 years; he could rot in there for all Emma cared.
Laura nodded, "So.. how many times have you visited Jay?"
Emma looked up like a deer in the headlights and took a deep breath trying to remember, "Few days after I found out he was locked up. Then a few days after that-"
"What happened with that?"
"He was still a bit..tense. I cried.. cried again the next visitation." Emma snickered at herself, "Always crying." she muttered.
"It's okay to let it out. You went to his court hearing?"
"No, Trey was there." Emma answered and she nodded.
"What about this month? Did you Jay this month?" Laura asked and smiled when she saw Emma smiling softly, "You did."
Emma shook her head, "Yea, start of this month was my 18th birthday, and Jay had good behavior so we got a personal cell to actually..hangout." she frowned, "Only for an hour though."
"Were you..physical?"
Emma blushed.
Laura laughed, "I mean hugging, touching hands.."
Emma nodded "We just laid down and he just, held me." again, that smile creeped out.
"Had it been awhile?"
"At first I thought he was mad at me, then the end of the first month he was really talking to me, making sure I was okay and saying it wasn't my fault."
"It isn't."
"I know.. and then that." Emma smiled more, "I feel like it's kinda going back to normal."
"such improvement." Laura estatically said.
Emma nodded and said, "Besides the visits, he calls a lot."
"What do you talk about?" Laura asked.
Emma giggled a little shaking her head, "Friends, family.. my side, school.. ice cream."
"You do love your ice cream." teased Laura as she glanced at the clock and gasped, "We're way over time." she said and got up.
Emma oh'd and stood too and went to go, she stopped and smiled bashfully, "Can I hug you?" she asked.
Laura laughed, bringing her arms up, "ofcourse, we had a good day."
They shared a hug and Emma laughed, waving good bye. She was finally feeling back to normal.
"How was it?" Sean asked, raising from the seat outside her session, he was always with her, coming and supporting her.
"amazing." Emma said, glowing, and Sean grinned noticing it.
They walked back to his car, "I got a little suprize for you." he informed her, driving out of the parking lot and onto the road.
"I'm not up for any more suprizes." Emma told him, half joking.
He passed her a half smirk and kept driving, "So.." he drifts, "Mom and Dad keep calling."
Emma sighed, "They just don't understand I want to stay in school, I'm okay here.." she looks to Sean, "With you and Manny."
"I know, just letting you know. You're letting them know your okay right? Going to sessions every Tuesday and Thursday."
Emma nodded, "Yes." she looked around as Sean's car pulled into the exit toward Toronto's prison.
Emma smiled jokingly at Sean, "You're taking me to see Jay?" she asked, not MUCH of a suprize, but still got her heart beating fast.
She couldn't believe the amount of cuts, bruises and forever scars Jay had left on Trey. She usually wouldn't be proud of that but she was happy he did it, it gave her a bit of a revenge feeling when the police came to her door and showed pictures, that's when she vouged for Jay and told them everything that had happened. It was a good thing she didn't shower and was too busy shaking in her bedroom corner or else they wouldn't of gotten the evidence she'd been raped.
Sean pulled into the prison parking lot near the gates and Emma got out.
"These past 2 months have been the longest." Emma groaned, walking around the car to walk with Sean who snickered
"Only cause you two are obsessed with another." he teased and she laughed to look forward as the prison gates opened.
Emma tilted her head seeing a figure walking over, holding a duffle bag. Jay. Emma smiled happily but was a little confused, why were the police guards letting him out? he wore dark jeans and a black shirt, his hair finally had that backwards black hat on, a bit side ways..the Jay way. He smirked slyly as he walked out and grabbed her.
Emma let his mouth crash to hers and she captured his lips, kissing him just as needfully back and wrapped her arms around him, his one arm holding around her waist and lifting her slightly up as he kissed her and the other one holding his bag.
He set her back down and she laughed a little, "I don't get it." she said.
"I'm out, good behavior." he simply said gleefully, his eyes twinkling while looking down at her.
Emma missed that look and smiled bashfully, Trey was wrong, so wrong, she was still Jay's girl.
"Lets get the hell out of this place." sighed Sean, and Jay couldn't agree anymore. Sean rolled his eyes smirking as both Emma and Jay took the back seat, Emma pulled onto his lap and sharing another kiss. What! It's been weeks, months!
"I could really use a cheeseburger." Jay informed.
When they got back, they parked in at a town house, Sean had moved the apartment while Jay was in jail and they moved into another place, just so Emma didn't have to ever go back in that room.
"Looks like the pictures." nodded Jay, approving as he got out of the car, Emma got out on the other side.
Sean nodded, "Try to get every angle I could." he said.
Jay met up with Emma around the car, slying his arm around her waist and walked up the steps, opening the door.
"WELOME HOME!" Manny cheered loudly, a banner across the ceiling saying just that and balloons everywhere. Not just that but Teddy was there, Will, even Spinner with his new girl friend Jane.
"Woah." blinked Jay, he thought he was going to be the surprise.
Jay got a glimpe of even Emma's parents standing near by, near his welcome home cake. He swallowed when Snake came on over, eyeing him closely.
Emma looked between them until she smiled, seeing Snake actually reach out and pull Jay into a hug.
"Touching moment." teased Sean, watching his Dad pat Jay on the back and offer him a beer
Jay chuckled and nodded, taking the beer and Emma closed the door behind him.
I wanna be bad I wanna be bad with you baby
You make bad look so good
I got things on my mind
I never thought I would
I, I wanna be bad (bad)
You make bad feel so good
I'm losing all my cool
I'm about to break the rules
I, I wanna be bad
I, I, I, I, I wanna be bad with you baby