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Action & Reactions

Chapter 36

We were having lunch, sitting on the balcony of the club restaurant. It was a nice place with a great view, the green of the grass contrasting perfectly with the blue of the fake lake.

I ordered something light, having already planned to go to the beach with Bella after her cheer practice, where I would eat again. My dad ordered food that Mom would never let him eat.

"Son," Dad said, gaining my attention since I had been people watching as we waited for our food. "There's something we need to talk about." I raised my eyebrows, surprised, and he shifted a little on his chair, looking uncomfortable.

Uh-oh.

"Okay..."

"Well, two things actually, but let's just begin with this first."

"What is 'this'?" I asked, doubled worried now. I hadn't done anything. God, what is so important that he can't talk to me about it at home. Goddamn, what did I do!?

"Um, okay, listen." Carlisle Cullen was never nervous, ever, yet here he was, unable to talk to his own son without squirming.

What the hell did I do? "I am listening, Dad." I was impatient and edgy now.

"Your mom told me she caught you and Bella the other day, and she asked me to talk to you about it." He said it all in one breath, looking relieved afterwards.

"First of all, you already gave me 'the talk'" Hell, he's been the one behind the condom boxes magically appearing on my bedside table drawer since I was fifteen.

"I know I already did it. You think this is nice for me?" It clearly wasn't, he was tugging on the collar of his polo shirt every few seconds. "I am okay with you having sex as long as you're being responsible. For me it's enough that you won't get any disease, or Bella pregnant." I had the sudden image of Charlie punching me square on the jaw and shuddered. "Your mom is different, she still thinks of you as her little baby, and little babies don't have sex with their girlfriends." He whispered-yelled the last part as one waitress walked by our table.

"Well, I am not a baby anymore, Dad. Besides, when she-" I made a pause to turn my fingers into fake quotation marks. "'caught' us, we were just kissing." He raised an eyebrow, not believing me. "We were!" I said, widening my eyes. It wasn't an innocent peck, and I might have had my hands up her skirt while lying on top of her, but we were just kissing. "Mom's been weird with Bella the past couple times she's seen her."

Dad sighed, twirling his wedding band around his finger. "Your mom, she's having trouble accepting the fact that you'll be gone by the time fall comes." He said this looking at his hand, and his voice told me that Mom was not the only one with that issue. Suddenly, I felt a tightness in my throat. He raised his gaze and looked me in the eye. "Just be discreet, Edward. I don't want your mom catching you in any compromising position again." The waitress came in that moment with our food and the subject was over.

Dad was still eating when I spoke. "What was the other thing you wanted to talk about?"

He patted his mouth with the napkin before speaking. "Right. College." I felt the muscles in back tense. I hadn't thought about it, I needed to talk to Bella about it.

"I haven't decided anything, yet." I said in a little voice, embarrassed.

"Oh, don't worry. That's good actually." My head shot up to meet his eyes, only to find he actually meant that. "I know you've been thinking psychology for a long while, but-"

"Dad," I stopped him, feeling anger wash over me. "I thought you were finally okay with it."

"I am, Edward." He sighed. "Sort of." I scoffed, crossing my arms and looking to the side. "I won't lie and tell you that I wouldn't prefer you becoming a surgeon, like me, but I know that's not going to happen."

"Then what is all this about, Dad?"

"Okay," He straightened on his seat, immediately putting me on edge. "By the time application deadlines came around, you... You were still in a weird place, Edward, and I don't think the ones you thought of are the best. However, I knew that if I came and told you the ones I think would be great choices you would have just ignored me." Again with the shifting on his seat. Ugh. "Here's the thing, I sent applications for you. You don't have to even look at the letters if you don't want to. I just want you to know you have more options."

"Isn't that illegal?" I asked, shocked and unsure how to feel about it. "I won't go anywhere I didn't get in by myself."

"I know, Edward." He waved to the waitress for the check. "But I have four acceptance letters that you did earn; I just used what you sent to the other colleges by yourself and mailed it."

"I... I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything. The letters are on my desk, just get in and grab them if you feel like it."

I was still shocked, but a part of me understood that my dad was finally okay with me, that once I stopped trying, I finally gained his acceptance.

I looked up from my phone when I heard steps approaching me and smiled when I saw my girl making her way towards me. God, I love her. When she's gotten close enough I reached for her hand and pulled her forward, guiding her arm behind me so she'd wrap both of them around me.

"I'm sweaty." She said when I put my hand on the back of her head, beneath her ponytail.

"Don't care." I mumbled, lowering my lips onto hers. We kissed heavily for a while, taking advantage of the empty parking lot but when I slid my hand down to her ass I realized the parking lot wasn't as empty as I had thought.

"Oh-kay" Alice said loudly, bringing us back to reality. "I've had enough of this soft core porn shit."

"Well, don't fucking watch then." I snapped, she was just so, so aggravating. "What are you even doing here, perv?" Seriously, why would she stay there, watching us as we kissed?

"Well, asshole, you are driving us to Bella's, aren't you?" She got into the car and I looked down to Bella, who was biting her lip with a guilty expression on her face.

"I thought we were going to hang out?" I didn't even try to hide the bite in my tone. We were supposed to go to her place so she could shower after practice and then we were going to the beach, I even packed a fucking picnic!

"We are, Honey." She spoke as if I was a toddler about to throw a tantrum, placing her hands on my chest. "Alice is just tagging
along." I took hold of her wrists and pushed her hands away, before walking to my side of the car.

Maybe under other circumstances this wouldn't upset me so much, but we had agreed that we needed to sit down and figure out a way to be together without constantly wanting to kill each other in the process; she kept avoiding it and honestly, I was starting to feel as if I was the only one making an effort.

"Hmm, this is so good." I heard Alice say as I climb into the car, I looked at her in the rearview mirror and I swear I felt a vein explode.

"What the fuck are you doing, Alice!?"

"What?" She said as I started driving and then took another bite of the sandwich not even bothering to finish chewing before she started talking again.

"I was starving and there was food in here, so..."

"God, you are so fucking annoying."

"Jeez, it's just a sandwich, relax." She rolled her eyes and continued eating.

"Don't you have friends or something because, seriously, you being around Bella all the time just shows how pathetic you truly are. I bet that's why you left wherever the hell you came from in the first place."

"Bella!" Alice screeched before kicking the back of my seat. "Are you listening?"

"Edward, you are being rude. Apologize." She said in a bored tone, looking down at her phone.

"Are you kidding me?"

"Edward, for the love of God, it's just food."

"Really good food." Alice had the audacity to speak. I remained silent, deciding to wait until Alice was out of the car to try and talk to Bella.

"I'll wait for you, Bella, out here." I said once we were in front of her house. Charlie was at the station at this hour so it was safe to park here. Alice jumped out of the car and Bella was about to do the same but I called her name, stopping her. "We had plans."

"We still do. I am just going to shower and then we'll go do whatever it is you had planned." She huffed and looked at me, raising an eyebrow. "Is that good enough for you?"

No! Of course it's not good enough for me. I've been going out of my way for the past week to try and fix this whole mess for good and she acts like she doesn't even care. It hurts more than I would like to admit.

"Just go do whatever you need to do, I'll wait here." I said instead, with a sigh, swallowing down the lump in my throat. I kept my eyes on her as she met Alice on the door, they talk for a minute before Bella turned around and started walking back to me. Confused, I looked back at Alice as she gives me a wink and enters the house with a flourish. I got out of the car and stood between my open door and the car.

"Edward, listen," Bella said, standing on the other side of the car. "Alice is not feeling well, you should go home."

"What are you talking about!? She just-"

"I am sick of your attitude with Alice, it's childish."

"Why do you insist on her being around all the time? Don't you realize that we always fight when she's around?"

"She's my best friend, Edward, why can't you understand that?" She turned around and started walking back to the house.

"I'm your boyfriend, Bella." She kept walking as if I wasn't talking. "If you want to break up with me, do it! Just don't treat me as if I am your punching bag, or your fucking chauffeur!" I waited for a few seconds, expecting her to turn around but when she didn't I climbed back into my car and drove home. I knew mom would be home but, in the midst of my anger, I didn't think I should have gone somewhere else to avoid her seeing me like this.

"What happened?" She asked as I tossed the basket with the food on the counter. "Did you two fight again, Edward?" Her tone was accusing.

Goddammit.

"You know, Mom, you are so worried about all the ways in which I might hurt your sweet, little Bella than you don't even realize that I am the one getting hurt."

Next day, I purposely sat with Jasper by the main door at school, we were not even talking, just smoking. Jasper's presence was to annoy Alice and the cigarette between my lips was for Bella. I knew I wasn't exactly doing the right thing but, she said my attitude was childish? Fine, childish was exactly what she would get.

As expected, they arrived together and unknowingly started making their way to us. When they noticed us, Alice stopped walking for few seconds while Bella looked at me coldly. Not aware of my plan, Jasper made his way to Alice and started jogging when she started walking the other way.

Bella stopped walking a few feet from me, enough so that I didn't have to tilt my head upwards to make eye contact. "Edward," She said impassively. I raised an eyebrow and took a long, deep drag of my cigarette, breathing out through my nose causing her to narrow her pretty, pretty eyes. Sighing, I dropped the cigarette to the floor and stood up, willing to just pretend that nothing happened the day before -which, apparently, is what we do best- but she was already walking away, ignoring me when I called out her name.

I was just so, so pissed off after last afternoon and last night when I called her non-stop for over an hour to offer an apology she didn't even deserve. Still a little upset, I ignored the urge to go after her.

I've done enough chasing after her to last me a lifetime.

More than enough.

I sat on the bench and reached for my bottle of water inside my bag, nodding noncommittally to the girl in front of me. I used to have a class with her last semester, she failed and was asking if she could borrow my notes.

"Sure, let me check if I still have them." She then started talking about how boring history was and how she couldn't remember so many names and dates; I smiled and nodded every once in a while, pretending to pay attention. I wasn't even listening to her, at the mention of history, my mind immediately went to Bree and how I would help her study and then I hated myself because I shouldn't be thinking about her. It's just, being around her was so, so easy, relaxed not this joke Bella and I were calling a relationship. Sure, I loved her more than I'd ever thought possible but, what was the point? I wasn't even sure if she even loved me anymore, and my feelings alone were not enough to make this work, not even close.

Lost in my thoughts, I didn't realize the girl in front of me was still there or that there was another one coming this way. "Hey, guys, what ya' doing?" Bella said in a sing-song voice as she sat on my lap, before kissing my cheek.

"Hey, B, what's up? Edward, please, let me know, okay?"

"Yeah, see you tomorrow." She wasn't even a foot away when Bella slapped my chest, making me turn to look at her.

"What the hell, Edward!?"

"This is what it takes, then?" I said angrily. "I have to talk to other girls so you will see me, talk to me? Is that it?" I pushed her off my lap and stood up. "What is this bullshit, Bella? I can't be happy with you so you have to ensure that I can't be happy at all? First, Bree and now, again? Is that what all of this is about?" At some point during my rant she had stood up, looking at me with wide eyes. "Not that you deserve any kind of explanation, but she was just asking for my old history notes, God..."

"You're not happy with me?"

"Are you kidding me? I am fucking miserable, like, borderline clinical depression. That's how unhappy I am, Isabella." I stopped talking when I heard her sob brokenly once. "I'm sorry, I just-" I sighed reluctantly. I didn't want to apologize; sure, I was a little harsh but it didn't make my words any less true. "I love you so much," I stepped closer to her and bent my knees a little to look at her face. "So fucking much but all you do is push me away. Tell me, what am I supposed to do?" Suddenly she threw herself at me, her arms tight around my neck and her legs off the floor. I had to wrap my arms around her waist so we wouldn't fall down, she started repeating 'I'm sorry's between the kisses she planted on my mouth.

This was all I wanted, for her to recognize that this time she was the wrong one, to apologize, but in that moment all I could feel was that it simply wasn't real.

The only good thing that came out of this rollercoaster I was in was that my parents, after almost nineteen years, finally figured out when not even try to talk to me. As it was, other than meaningless conversations during dinner, Dad would only talk to me when he wanted to know if I had gone through the stack of letters responding my, and his, applications. He was worried that I'd miss some deadlines for tuition payments and stuff like that. Perhaps I should be worried, too, but I just didn't have it in me to even think about what would happen next week, much less what would happen several months away.

Besides, I wasn't even sure about being a psychologist anymore. The only reason I'd chosen that for my future was because I wanted to be like my grandfather and, honestly, to simply go against my father, but lately Dad's been pretty college with me while I can barely hold a conversation with Gramps because I know I disappointed him; I just couldn't bear to disappoint him again, this time by not being as good of a psychologist as him.

On the other hand, Mom kept looking at me as if she wanted to apologize but notices that I'm in no mood for any kind of conversation, or probably it is her own weariness regarding my intentions with Bella.

Whatever, it's not her apologies I want.

After I told Bella I wasn't exactly happy with the way things were, and she apologized about a thousand times I actually walked away for once, not wanting to deal with our issues in the middle of gym class, not like she tried to stop me or even called me at some point during the day which led me to decide that I wouldn't give in this time; I could feel myself caving, though, and I hated myself for it. For once, I wanted her to need me enough to push her pride aside and talk to me. At this point, I wouldn't even make her work that hard, she'd just have to say 'hi', of course an 'I miss you' wouldn't hurt either.

Bleh, wishful thinking.

After Dad brought up the fact that I would be leaving soon for college I sort of started hanging out more with my parents, besides, it is not like I had much better things to do, So, as a part of this plan, I would go with Dad to the club every Saturday morning and even if I didn't really know how to play golf so I was basically his caddy and then, once he was done playing I would awkwardly stand beside him while more people I would have ever thought knew my dad talked to him.

We got home an hour later, and I was oddly pleased with the scene I was met with. Bella and my mom were sitting on the same couch, Renée sitting across them, talking amicably about something. I dumped the bag with the clubs by the door and smiled at Renée, before placing a kiss on the top of my mom's head from behind and walking to sit on the armrest beside Bella. I put my arm around her shoulders and she looked up at me, "Sorry." I mouthed.

"Me, too." She puckered her lips a little, so I leaned down and gave her pouty lips a gentle peck.

Dad sat beside Mom and he was quickly included in the conversation. I pretended to be interested in their conversation but I truly just wanted to get Bella into the pool with me, from my position, I could see down her shirt, noticing she was wearing her bikini. A while later, Dad dismissed us, having caught me stealing another glance.

We went to the kitchen to drink something and Bella mocked me because I was wearing khakis and a polo. "Such a preppy boy, my boyfriend." I shut her up with the kiss I had wanted to give her since I first came in and she melted against me. I pushed her into the laundry room, remembering that I had to be 'discreet' and kept kissing her for few more minutes. She looked disoriented when we pulled apart. "Wha... Uh?" I loved that I left her speechless, I just loved it.

"Not that I am complaining but, how come you're here?" I was honestly going to stop by her house at some point during the day, having already caved to what every single part of me wanted.

"Mom told me she was coming over and I kind of wanted to see you." I opened the dryer machine to get my trunk shorts out and started to undress when Bella let out a yelp, I turned to her only to see her covering her eyes.

I chuckled, tugging on the collar of my shirt to get it off. "Bella, you do remember that you've seen me naked before, right?" Not that she would have seen me naked right then, I always keep my underwear on when I am wearing my trunks.

"Not the same." She turned around so she was facing the wall and I laughed at her, throwing my clothes into the hamper. I was about to put on my trunks but decided against it.

I walked up to her and wrapped an arm around her, pressing our lower halves together. She jumped and tried to step away from me but my grip around her didn't let her.

"Edward, you better be dressed." She said sternly, lowering her hands from her eyes.

"Or what?" I whispered into her ear, flattening my hand against her stomach before kissing her right between her jaw and her neck.

"Edward," I could feel against my lips how her heartbeat started going crazy. "Edward, stop." I shook my head against her and she gave up, resting her head on my shoulder for a moment as I kept my assault on her neck. "Anyone can come in." She reasoned and I let out a frustrated sigh, resting my head on her shoulder, nodding. I stayed like that for a minute or two, trying to cool off. "You are dressed, right?" I smirked, deciding to play with her a little longer.

"I don't know," I grabbed her hand. "Why don't you check yourself?" My briefs went to the middle of my thigh, so I placed her palm below the hem of it.

"Holy shit!" She yelled and jumped away from me almost running into the wall as I started laughing like crazy. "Edward! What's wrong with you!?" I only continued laughing. "Edward!"

She finally turned around and pushed her hands against my chest. "Stop laughing!" I grabbed my trunks and put them on, still laughing while Bella keeps swatting playfully at me.

"Your reaction was priceless, Baby." I wrapped an arm around her shoulders and lead her out of the room. "Let's have some fun."

This was not a relationship. We'd have few hours of pure bliss, then we'd have awkward, tension-filled days only to be followed by a huge ridiculous fight and finally we'd end up temporarily making up with lots of tears on her side and lots of self deprecating remarks and apologies on mine. And then the process would be repeated. Over and over again.

No.

This was not a relationship.

Oh my, what a mess these two have made.

Well, I know it has been more than a year since I last updated and I am so terribly sorry for that but, in my defense, the last post was made the day before I started college and let's just say I wasn't expecting it to be so hard and time consuming as it turned out to be. And whenever I had vacations I would just want to spend time with my family to make up for the fact that I can easily get so wrapped up in my stuff that I don't talk to them in months.

I think I have gotten better at managing my time so I promise to try and post more often, I have started to write a little before I go to bed so, let's hope this means you will receive a chapter soon!

Thanks so much for reading, and reviewing after such a long time.

Ghs.