A/N: OK, so it's been awhile. Sorry. RL has been conspiring against me. First, we lost our Vivianne (thank you for all the kind words and messages. I appreciated all of them). Then my computers charger decided to quit working. I found a universal charger for $20 online, but it was back ordered. I waited and waited but couldn't take it anymore, so I finally caved and spent $80 for one at Best Buy! Can you say "RIP OFF"? Anyway, then my daughter went to Mexico for Spring Break and there was nightmare of securing her travel papers and getting her a summer wardrobe to take with her. Then there has been glitches all over FF that held up the publication of this chapter. Sorry if you received repeated update alerts, that contained a link to the old author note. Gay I tell you...GAY! So yeah, it got just crazy around here. BUT, I'm back and you got a longer chapter than usual! Yay! So we have one more chapter left and then an Epi! You should see them post quickly, because I am in the mood to finish this up and then wrap up my other story "Lives In Chaos". I have so many story idea's bouncing around in my head, I need to get them out! :)
P.S. I call this chapter "the ass" chapter. If you're not down with it...move along! :)
mustlovertp is still the bestest Beta around! She's amazing and was willing to work on this chapter for you, even though she's in the process of painting and moving into her house! I love you girl! You so rock!
*DISCLAIMER* I OWN NOTHING TWILIGHT!
BPOV
"I SAID NO, GODDAMNIT!"
"Edward"
"FUCK YOU AND YOUR RIGHT TURNS"
"Edward"
"I AM GOING TO GET A FUCKING TICKET IF I LISTEN TO YOUR ASS!"
"Edward!"
"Not now Bella, I'm trying to get us to the fucking Hotel and this fucking bitch keeps telling me to make right turns on one way streets."
This is totally NOT how I planned on the beginning of our Honeymoon in Hawaii playing out. I thought we'd be all caught up in the romance of our wedding and stupid in love. But the reality was that I'd been married for exactly 24 hours and spent the last hour listening to my idiot husband arguing with the rental cars GPS system.
"Slow down and make a right turn at the next intersection." the annoyingly female voice spewed from the GPS.
"See Bella! Look at this shit! One fucking way!" Edward yelled pointing to the GPS system mounted on the dash. "I bet you they hired one of the bitches that couldn't read a fucking map to save her life, to fucking voice this thing!"
"Edward, people are starting to stare. Can you stop fucking arguing with it? Newsflash, she can't hear you!" and then muttered an "Asshole" under my breath for good measure.
"I'm not going to quit yelling until you learn how to shut this bitch up!"
"I can't shut her up, Dickhead! The fucking thing automatically powers up when you start the car!"
Edward gets shitty then and sticks his head so he's literally two inches from the screen and screams, "FUCKING BITCH BETTER PUT HER APRON BACK ON AND GET HER DIRECTIONALLY CHALLENGED ASS BACK IN THE KITCHEN!"
I roll my eyes and wave at the 300 pound Samoan guy in the next car who is watching the exchange intently, while filming it on his cellphone. Lovely, Edward should have 80,000 hits on Youtube in a few hours. Jackass!
"Put her apron on and get back in the kitchen?" I finally ask, as we pull away from the stop light and leave the amateur film maker behind. "Can you maybe say something a little sexist please?"
"Sexist? What the fuck, Bella?" Edward fumes, lighting his tenth cigarette since we landed.
"What you said was sexist and demeaning to woman, Edward. Is that what you are going to tell me the first time I disagree with you?"
"Bella, shut the fuck up! You and I have disagreed about EVERY fucking thing since we got together and I haven't demeaned you yet!"
"Yes you have. You said you liked me barefoot and pregnant." I said calmly. "How 1950's of you."
Edward flicks his ash out the window and laughs without humor.
"At the time I fucking said that, you were literally pregnant and couldn't wear shoes because your feet were so swollen. That was not a derogatory statement, it was an observation. Besides, you had your bare feet in my fucking lap, while I painted the toe nails you couldn't fucking reach!"
Just as I was about to respond, I was cut off by that useless bitches computerized voice.
"Make U-Turn at the next intersection and then turn left at the first crossroad."
Edward growled and pulled his fist back.
"Edward wait!" I yelled, blocking the screen with my body. "You got rental insurance, right?"
"Yeah, why?"
I answered him by pulling out my water bottle and dumping it over the screen, smiling as I heard the snap, crackle, pop of the internal components being fried and watched the screen go black.
"There. Now if they ask, we tell them the top got left down in a rain storm." sitting back with a huge shit eating grin and relishing the silence.
"Oh my god, baby!" Edward exclaimed, laughing. "You are such an evil fucking genius!".
0o0o0
We arrived at the Hotel 25 minutes later. Edward had to go 6 miles past the place, to finally find a road that wasn't one way so he could finally make the much fussed about right hand turn.
"Wow! This place is fucking awesome!" I breathed, upon entering the suite.
Looking around, I knew a gay man was responsible for the décor. From the marble floors and half naked male statues, to the soft peach coloring on the walls…it screamed "The Bird Cage". I almost expected Robin Williams and a weepy Nathan Lang to come waltzing out of the master bedroom.
I began moving around the place, throwing open doors. The master bedroom was over the top. It had a huge carved wood canopy bed, with decadent gold colored bedding and rich red walls. Directly across from the bed, there was double doors that lead out to a balcony that over looked the ocean. It was amazing.
I stepped across the hall and opened another door, finding another smaller bedroom. It was simpler then the master bedroom, offering only a queen sized bed, with an ornate wrought iron head board.
Stepping down to the next door, I reached for the door knob. But before I could complete the turn that would open the door…Edward stopped me.
"Why don't we unpack and look around later, Princess." he said nervously, giving his hair a tug.
I smell bullshit.
"What's got you so nervous, Edward?" I questioned, narrowing my eyes at him.
"Nothing." he responded wide eyed. A little too wide eyed. "I'm just anxious to call Rose, Mom and Alice to check on the twins."
My heart warmed a little bit at his concern. Leaving the girls behind to go on our honeymoon, was a big concession for him. We'd fought about it for weeks, but he finally agreed, so long as Rose, Alice and his mother were there to take care of them.
"I'm sure they're fine, baby." I told him, hugging him tightly around the waist. "We just left them and with Rose, Alice and Esme there, you know they are more than fine and getting spoiled rotten as we speak. Now screw unpacking, I want to check this place out!"
I turned back for the door, but before I could make contact with the knob, I was spun around into the wall next to it and my lips were being attacked.
"God Baby, I want you so fucking much! Sitting next to you on the plane was torture." Edward groaned into my mouth. "I almost made you a member of the Mile High Club, Mrs. Cullen."
The door completely forgotten, I jumped up and wrapped my legs tightly around his waist. Grinding my wet, hot center on the bulge in his pants.
"Not here." Edward panted, turning and walking us back to the master bedroom. Carefully laying me out on the humongous bed, underneath him.
He hovered over me, just staring down at me. "You're so fucking beautiful." he finally said, with so much sincerity, it brought tears to my eyes.
Pulling his head back down to me, we kissed slow and long, until his lips pulled away from mine and moved down to my neck and collarbone.
Clothes were shed and bodies were worshipped. As Edwards head dipped towards my center, he swung his body around and laid himself out next to me on his side. He looked up at me with a small smirk on his face, before rolling me on my side next to him and diving face first into my goods.
I yelped in surprised and then returned the favor, taking him into my mouth and all the way down my throat…earning a muffled groan from him that resonated through my whole body and made my clit, that he was so expertly working with his tongue, tingle.
I don't know when this went from ridiculously hot tandem oral sex, to an all out competition to see who could make who come first. But Edward suddenly stepped up his game, kicking all his of his pussy eating tricks into play.
He buried two fingers in me, while his tongue made figure eights around my clit, causing me to lower one hand to his hair and shove his face further into me.
The fucker actually chuckled when he felt me pull his hair. The sound made me release his head and bring my hand up to his balls, cupping them and giving a gentle tug, while I hummed around his cock.
"Fucking cheater." he hissed, thrusting his hips forward, catching me off guard and making me gag.
That mother…alright, Cullen. Game on!
Without warning I popped him out of my mouth, pulled his balls back and stroked his cock, while my mouth sucked on the skin on the underside of his nut sack, while at the same time, I wetted my fore finger and circled his back door.
"JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!" he wailed, rolling over onto his back and pulling his hips off the bed.
Knowing he was close, I quickly sucked his cock back into my mouth and slipped my finger in his hole, finding and pressing down on his prostate. Two seconds later his cock erupted in my mouth, spilling the evidence of his orgasm down my throat.
"Ohmygodohmygodohmyfuckinggod!" he chanted, as he rode out his orgasm and unconsciously rocked his hips into my finger.
After a few minutes, I pulled off of him and sat up with a wicked grin on my face.
He peaked at me from under his arm that he'd thrown over his face. "Where the fuck did all that come from?"
I just shrugged and said, "Google." as I slipped off the bed and headed to the bathroom to wash my hands.
A few minutes later, I returned and stifled a giggle as Edward was exactly where I left him, with a small shy grin on his face.
"This doesn't mean I'm gay." he says shyly.
"I know that!" I laughed, lying down on the bed next to him. "Straight men can enjoy the product of prostate stimulation too, Edward. It's not like the gay community has a monopoly on that gland or something."
"I know, but it's just so…ugh!" he groaned, covering his face with his arm again. "Why did God have to hide the male equivalent of a G Spot in our ass?"
I laughed at him, having no answer for his clearly rhetorical question. So I snuggled into his side and began lightly brushing my fingers over his cock, watching as it slowly came to life once more.
"OK, Mrs. Cullen." Edward sighed. "Now it's your turn to come!"
Quicker then I thought possible, Edward flipped me over onto my back and was hovering over me.
"Since you changed the rules, this isn't going to be slow and sweet like I planned." he grinned wickedly.
He then stood up and strolled over to the suitcase, grabbing something from it. When he turned and held up the product of his search, my eyes went huge and I gulped.
"That's right, Mrs. Cullen." he said with a smirk. "Thanks to Emmett, we can find out what kind pleasures your ass is hiding too!"
Fucking Emmett and his "Honeymoon Emergency Kit" filled with lube, a vibrator, anal beads, warming lotion, a dildo and a purple butt plug. Clearly the ass's hidden treasure of pleasure was not lost on his stupid ass.
"Oh no, Mister!" I scolded, backing up until my back hit the headboard and my knees were pulled up to my chest. "You're not sticking anything but you in my butt."
"No purple butt plug?" he pouted, fighting to hold off a smile.
"Absolutely not. This is Emmett we're talking about. There's no telling where that fucking thing has been!"
Edward immediately dropped the bag in his hands like it had burned him.
"You don't honestly think?" he whispered with a cringe.
"Emmett is like a curious child, Edward. I wouldn't put anything past him."
Edward picked up the bag, unzipping it and shaking the contents onto the floor picking up only the bottle of lube. The rest he kicked outside on the balcony.
"So, where were we?" he smiled, slamming the balcony door shut and stalking back over to the bed.
"Edward?" I asked hesitantly, as he stalked across the bed on all fours, all sexy like. "Have you ever fucked anyone in the ass before?"
Edward stopped mid crawl, sighed, and flopped over on his back, pressing his palms into his eyes.
"I think a bucket of cold water would have been less effective, Bella." he groaned, motioning towards his softening cock.
"I'm sorry, but if you don't know what you are doing, you can seriously fucking hurt me."
"No." he snapped, clearly frustrated and yanking at his hair. "I've never had fucking anal sex before. Happy now?"
I chewed on my bottom lip for a minute, before making my decision.
"I think we should research it." reaching over my laptop bag.
"Bella." Edward groaned, turning beet fucking red with embarrassment. "I am not going to watch cheesy fucking internet porn with you."
"Duh." I quipped, rolling my eyes and waiting for the computer to boot up. "I wasn't going to go to Youporn, Edward. You can Google anal sex and read everything you need to know about it."
"Oh god" Edward moaned, rolling on his side facing away from me.
EPOV
I laid there and listened as my new wife clicked away on her laptop.
"Oh Edward! Look!" she said, slapping my butt in excitement. "This is really interesting! There are steps that you follow. Kind of like a recipe!"
"Yay." I mumbled sarcastically.
"No seriously, baby. You have to see this. First you have to use lube and insert one digit into the anus slowly. Once the anus is stretched to accommodate it, you gently add another digit and more lube if necessary. Once the anus can comfortably accept two digits without pain, you begin moving them in and out with a scissor like motion" Bella read, enthusiastically holding up two of her fingers like a peace sign and making a scissor motion. "Carefully stretching the anus until the muscles relax and become slack."
"Jesus fucking Christ." I muttered to myself.
"No Edward, you have to listen to this. I don't want you tear my fucking ass up."
Suddenly the visual of Bella propped up on her elbows and knees with her nose damn near pressed to her laptop screen, reading the steps off as I kneel behind her, goes through my head. I think not!
Fed up, I rolled over and snapped the laptop shut tossing it onto the night stand.
"I don't need you to tutor me on anal sex, Bella. I've been watching porn since I was 12 years old. I think I know the fucking mechanics involved in making my dick fit in your ass."
Taking advantage of her stunned state, I flip her over so she's on all fours. I nudge her legs further apart and then lay down face up between them, attacking her clit with vigor.
Within seconds she's moaning and biting at the pillow underneath her. While she's distracted with my tongue, I flip open the bottle of lube and dump a sizable portion onto my fingers. I bring my index finger to her hole and generously coat it with the slick substance.
"Oh shit" Bella moans, grabbing at my hair and pushing my face into her pussy.
A circle around her entrance a few more times, before gently pressing my finger in. Bella gasps and the outer ring of muscle clamps down on the tip of my finger.
"Baby, this isn't going to work if you don't relax." I whisper, looking up into her face.
She nods and buries her head back in the pillow with a sigh. A minute later her butt cheeks unclamp and she relaxes.
"Sorry. It just felt weird." she mumbles into her pillow.
Returning my tongue to her clit, I slowly work my finger all the way in. Bella moans and shifts her hips a little.
"How ya doing, Baby?" I ask quietly. "Does it feel good to have my finger in your ass?"
"Yesss" she hisses, bringing her pussy back down to my mouth.
Looks like all systems are go.
After a few minutes of gently stroking my finger in and out of her tight entrance, I slowly add my middle finger to the mix. Bella hisses and tightens up for a second, before relaxing again.
"God, I feel so full." she moans, pulling at her hair with her hands.
I chuckle and then bring my other hand down, slipping two fingers into her core, moving them in time with the ones in her ass.
"FUCK ME! OH MY GOD! EDWARD!" she yells, bucking her hips, clearly enjoying being completely filled and with my mouth on her.
I scissor my fingers a few times, stretching her. When I think she's ready, I slip out from underneath her and kneel behind her. I quickly add a generous amount of lube to my cock and give it a few pumps, while I prep her ass a little more.
"Ready, Princess?" I ask gently, while rubbing her ass cheek.
Bella nods and closes her eyes.
I bring the head of my cock to her back door and just as I go to push into her, I make a split second decision.
"No." I tell her, grabbing her hips and flipping her onto her back. "I want to see your face."
Bella smiles and then pulls her legs up to her chest, opening herself up for me.
I leaned down and kiss the shit out of her, as I grab my cock and slowly push into her.
She gasps into my mouth and her fingers dig into my back as she struggles to relax, so I can push past the tight ring of muscle.
Holy fuck she's tight!
Bella's eyes are as big as saucers by the time my hips finally make contact with her cheeks and I can go no further in.
"How are you doing, Princess?" I ask, slowly stroking her hair and peppering her face with kisses.
She nods frantically as her eyes glaze over. "It feels really different. But good. Is it good for you?"
"You feel fucking amazing." I smile down at her. "So tight and warm."
"Can you move some?" she finally asks.
I give her another deep kiss, as I slowly start to pump my cock in and out of her.
"Faster." she moans, grabbing onto my ass cheeks and throwing her legs over my shoulders.
I pick up the speed a little, while trying to control to the depth, not wanting to hurt her.
"Fuck Edward! Harder!" she screams, grabbing my ass and forcing me in harder.
My hips are snapping against her ass cheeks filling the room with the sound of slapping skin.
"Yes! Fuck me, Edward!"
Bella gets vocal when you fuck her ass. Who knew?
"You like me fucking your ass?" I ask her, sucking on her lower lip.
"Fuck YES!" she yells, bucking her hips up to meet my thrusts.
Just when I thought this shit couldn't get any hotter, I watch as Bella's hand moves down her stomach circling her clit once, before she puts two of her fingers in her pussy.
"Yeah. That's it, Princess. Fucking touch yourself!"
Suddenly she has both hands down there. One is frantically rubbing at her nub, the other is pumping her fingers in and out of herself. Fucking hot!
I start to feel Bella's walls begin to shake and I know that she's close. Thank fucking god, because my balls are burning and I know that am seconds away from the most mind blowing orgasm of my life and I need her to come like now. Right fucking now.
"Oh god! I'm gonna fucking come!" Bella mumbles incoherently beneath me, pressing her head back into the pillow and biting her lip.
The burning in my balls increases and the pressure is almost unbearable. Desperate to come and take Bella with me, I lean down into her ear.
"Baby, your ass feels so fucking good. Fucking come for me, Princess. Let me feel you come with my dick in your tight fucking ass!"
That's all it took. Bella inhaled and on the exhale she screamed bloody murder and came apart underneath me. Her body spasming like she was a having a seizure. One more pump and I followed her, screaming through my own release.
We lay there connected for a few minutes, until my muscles will allow me to move. Then carefully I lower her legs from my shoulders and slip out of her, falling onto my side next to her. My breathing still labored.
"Holy shit!" Bella laughs, turning her head towards me. "I had no idea that ass play could feel that good."
"Me…either…that…was…fucking…awesome!" I gasped, playfully grabbing her tit and giving it a shake.
Bella smacks my hand away and goes to the bathroom, starting up the shower. I follow her a few minutes later, when I can breathe again.
"Are you sore?" I ask, giving her ass a little tap, as I get in the shower behind her.
"Maybe a little." she shrugs. "But it's not too bad."
"Good" I smile, kissing the side of her head. "Thank you for letting me do that with you. You have no idea how good it felt and how hot that was. That was enough Spank Bank material to last me the rest of my fucking life."
0o0o0
After our shower we called home and checked on the babies. Of course everything was fine and Bella was almost suspicious when we were given our update and rushed off the phone.
"What the hell?" she said bitterly, staring at her phone after Alice hung up on us. "What's the fucking rush?"
"I don't know, baby. Maybe they have plans or something."
She eyes me suspiciously. "Why aren't you upset about this? Don't tell me Mr. "I won't leave my fucking kids alone with anyone" is suddenly OK with this?"
"No I'm not fucking OK with this, Bella. Jesus!" I snap, getting off the bed and going out onto the balcony with my pack of cigarettes.
"You're hiding something." she accuses.
I snort at her, light my smoke and flip her off.
"Why didn't you want me to see the other guest room, Edward?"
"What are you fucking talking about? You're paranoid." I lie, trying to cover my ass.
Bella doesn't buy it and is off the bed and out the door before I can stop her. I hang my head as I hear the guest room door open.
"I DON'T FUCKING BELIEVE IT! EDWARD!" she screams across the suite.
Yeah, I'm fucked.
Anyone wanna take a guess as to what Edward did this time? Sounds like he's in the dog house and it's only been 24 hours! Oops! Leave some love! You know I love to hear it and I REALLY love to see this story break 500 reviews! :)