The inside of the Smasheteria kitchen had a surprising amount of old, putrid food considering the lack of meal options on the actual daily menu. Name swiped her pointer finger over a leftover onion with a bite taken out of it and brought it beneath her bushy disguise mustache.

"Hmm…" She smacked her lips together and her eyes suddenly narrowed. "Wario."

"Dis is da only elevator dat goes to da basement," said Fox, who had swaggered to the back of the room and was now inspecting the W-branded elevator doors only partially concealed by some purposefully placed bags of potatoes. "You go in, it'll takes yous straight down. Da place you want afta that is gonna be on da left, ladies."

"Wait, you aren't coming with us?" Name asked, at which the pilot wheezed with giggles.

"Who, me? You wants- you wants me ta comes with you? No, I knows what's good for me. Now how's about a goodbye kiss for me being nice. Might bring ya some luck, even! Smoochie, smoochie." Fox smacked his leather black lips and licked his rubbery teeth, yellowed down from one too many bowls of Pokecereal and Falcon Fruit Punch.

"Dream on, loser," scoffed Lucina for the first and only time in her life. She stepped into the opening doors and looked around as Name crossed over to them and followed suit.

"Buh-bye, laydies," said Fox McCloud. The doors closed. It was one of those Variety Tower styled lifts with a boar's head on the inside doors and a generic looking potted shrub next to them. There were no buttons, just a lit marquee where the controls should be that progressed like a stoplight. Everything was out of proportion and squiggly, and the girls began their second passive adventure which began and ended with sitting in an elevator.

"DOWN," announced Lucina, causing Name to quirk an eyebrow. "Down to the place far, far below. O, how downly the direction we go. Wario's realm is our destiny, ho! Nananananananana Batman." Lucina blinked. Hearing no response from Name, she supplied her own congratulatory snaps and whispered "Good job, Lucina. Yaaaay."

"Please never do that again," said Name. The lift came to a rumbling, uncomfortable stop. Then silence. Nick banged on the door.

"Is it stuck?" Just as Lucina went to try, they snapped open to reveal a large, pointy pink nose attached to a gremlin.

"WAAAAAAAAA!"

"WAAAAAAAAA!" shrieked Lucina in horror at Waluigi.

"WAAAAAAAAA!" shrieked Waluigi in horror at Lucina. "EXCUSE-A-ME!" The two parties awkwardly sidled past each other, and Waluigi took their place in the lift looking at them bug-eyed and waiting for the doors to close. "WAAAAA," he said with less enthusiasm.

The elevator shut and rumbled away with its passenger, leaving the girls in the dank hallway. Its sole source of light was the fading Wario World sign that hung above a door down the way obscured with a tattered red curtain. Name looked at Lucina and shrugged.

Nick got to the curtain grabbed it, shocked by its surprisingly greasy texture. It opened up to a small atrium, wherein Funky Kong sat on a barrel in his sunglasses, sort of chewing on a toothpick. He looked up at the girls expectantly.

"Password?" Name's mouth fell open. Password? Fox hadn't said anything about a password. What were they going to do?!

"Waaaaaaaa," Lucina tried.

"Come on in." The Kong pointed at the entrance by tilting his head. Inside the place was awash with colored flashing lights and every reject Smasher you could find in a coupon book. Young Link was swigging down a pint of milk on a stool sandwiched between two creepy full-sized elf dudes, one with a white notice-me haircut covering his left eye, the other sporting a lavender mom-how-do-I-shave do over his right eye, the latter of which, in this author's unbiased opinion, was infinitely more attractive; the Rhythm Heaven Glee Club stood on a rinky tink stage, decent for the most part but the one on the end would blurt out a sour note periodically all throughout the evening as though he had been hit with a fly swatter; a giggling genie girl somehow found a rhythm in it and hula-hooped on the impromptu dance floor.

"Evening boys," said Name, taking a seat at the booth across from a pile of unidentified toxic meats that were being worked at with a steak knife. "Care to help a fellow man and tell me where I can get some Wario wares?"

Ike and Duck Hunt dog leaned out on either side of the pile and stared at her.

"Sowwy, towll mustowchioed hondsome bwothow," Ike spewed a mouthful of chicken bits at her, "I don't shewre moy meat wiff stwangers."

"Kuuhuuuhuuuhuuuh," porked Duck Hunt dog, then swallowing his food. He leapt over the table in a high arc and onto Name's lap, tearing off the faux mustache and licking her face with delight. Nick tried wiping it away.

"Augh, gross, meat saliva. Ike, can't you train your d- brother... better?" she squicked.

"Oh. It's you. My statement still holds." Still, Ike couldn't mask his disappointment.