Okay C/O fans, here is my fav chapter, I cross my fingers it'll please you.
I can't believe the hits and reviews this fic is getting... that's just freaking amazing! goofy smile
To CNovak929: if you liked the previous chapter, I'm pretty sure you're gonna love that one! But I'm sorry to say that I only have like 10 chapters left ...
To Haldir' Heart and Soul: Elliot is all yours if you want, I'm not a fan... so you can do what you want with him... I will keep Casey and Olivia evil grin
To youte: bien noté pour les chapitres "normaux" :)
Disclaimer: see chapter 1.
Casey Novak's apartment
08 September – 5:12 am
Olivia Benson was half asleep when she heard noise coming from somewhere in the apartment, before she felt a form slide by her side.
Her senses in alert, she was about to rise when she felt cold shaky fingers on her lips.
- "Don't say anything", Casey whispered as she snuggled up close, looping her arms around her waist, burying her face, wet from tears, in Olivia's neck.
Olivia only nodded, more concerned at the moment as how they would fit on the couch without falling.
Returning Casey's hug, she maneuvered them until she was lying on her back, Casey snuggled to her side, trapped between the couch and her body.
When the younger woman didn't object, she relaxed a little, happy that Casey made the first move; wowing to let her sort the situation in her own terms.
She didn't know how long they laid there, both lost in thoughts, unable to find sleep, when Casey spoke up, her voice husky.
- "I'm so sorry Olivia", she breathed, fighting back new tears.
"I made a terrible mistake, I'm so… sorry. Can we do as if nothing happened? As if I said nothing?", she pleaded her.
Olivia didn't respond right away, her mind in overdrive.
Her answer would have one hell of an impact on her relationship with Casey. She although knew she couldn't lie neither to Casey nor to herself, what was at stake here far more important, much bigger, than a simple crush.
- "I will if you ask me to Case", she whispered, running a hand through her disheveled short hair.
"But we said those words; we both said and heard them. We laid them in the open and I'm not going to take them back"
She felt Casey stiff in her arms, ready to flee once more.
In response, she just tightened her hold around her slim waist before going on:
- "But if you want me to… do as nothing happened I will. But we both know it won't work"
- "It would if you stopped being difficult!", she exclaimed, struggling to sit up.
- "I am difficult?", Olivia responded on the same tone, sitting up as well.
"Are you kidding me? You are the one who's making it difficult Casey. We confessed mutual feelings and you want us to forget about it? No way!"
- "We did nothing!"
- "Yes we did Case! You said 'I love you' and I said 'I love you too'. Looks like admitting mutual feelings to me!", she argued, getting pissed off by Casey's childish behavior.
- "You are not gay!", she accused her.
- "You never stricked me as gay either Counselor!", she accused her right back.
Trying to cool her rising temper, she took deep calming breaths.
- "What are you so afraid of Casey?", she asked her.
"We are both grown up, independent, healthy women in their right mind who happen to be in love. There are worst things, don't you believe?", she nudged her.
- "Talk for yourself", she whispered sadly.
- "Excuse me?"
- "Look at me, then look at you Liv…you are the Detective, you figure it out"
- "What are you talking about?"
- "Look at you Liv: beautiful, stunning, brilliant, funny, sure of herself, a solid sense of humour, not taking any shit from anyone… what … what could you possibly see in me?", she went on on the same defeated tone.
- "Casey…", she whispered as she laid a hand on Casey's thight, squeezing softly.
"I think I already told you to stop belittling yourself"
- "I'm not belittling myself Liv, I'm just being realistic", she shrugged.
- "No you are not, you are hiding behind false reasons just like you did months ago!"
- "I am not!"
- "Yes you are! Seven months ago, you wanted to die because you said your life was empty. Your life wasn't empty; it just needed to be sorted out some. Now you run from a relationship with me because I'm better looking than you? That's bullshit Case and you know it! You are not less beautiful. If you ask me, you are far more beautiful with your green eyes and fiery hair than a brown hair and eyes woman in her forties! Not to mention cleverness not so many people have!"
- "I'm not all this Liv. Not anymore. Maybe …"
- "Oh please Case, don't tell me you were that person before because it's not true. Being sick didn't change who you are inside…"
- "What about outside?", she breathed sadly.
- "Is this what it's all about?"
- "Yes", she admitted shyly.
"When I look in the mirror I barely recognize myself Liv, I have to remind myself that this skinny, puny thing, with heavy bags under her eyes and huge scars is me. And quite frankly she's far from being attractive"
- "You are wrong Case. Plus that's for me to decide"
"Case, I fell in love with you body and mind. As a whole"
- "You can't Olivia, it's just not possible. I've seen a couple of your dates and they are like you: brilliant, beautiful, with a strong mind"
- "But you are all of this Case and so much more!"
- "I am not. If you didn't convince me, I would already be dead"
- "So I helped you. So what? I'm not the one going through aggressive treatments. I'm not the one who went through life threatening surgeries. And I'm certainly not the one who took a bullet meant for my predecessor!"
When she had calmed down some, she went on:
- "Case, please don't do this to us, don't refuse what we have. I love you", she whispered, looking right into Casey's eyes, baring her soul to the younger woman.
After a long moment, she gave in to the impulse.
Leaning forward, she pressed her lips to Casey's, the contact gentle, caring, not urgent, not demanding. Throwing into that first kiss all her feelings for her.
When she felt the young ADA respond to her kiss, she deepened the contact, her tongue requesting entry as her hand went to rest on her side, holding onto her.
A second later, she felt Casey lean backwards with a groan.
- "Case…"
- "Liv I … I'm so… sorry …. I..", she babbled, rising to pace the room.
Rising as well, she went to Casey's side but didn't touch her, didn't stop her frenzied pacing.
She just stood there, waiting for her to stop it on her own will.
When she did a moment later, she looked at Olivia with a half smile, her eyes a tad darker than usual, her lips swollen and wet from their kiss.
An open invitation to more.
- "That wasn't fair Liv", she chuckled, a shaky hand rising to brush across her bottom lips.
- "Maybe, but I don't regret it", she teased her, her hand coming to lie on Casey's shoulder.
"I want to do that a lifetime", she breathed honestly, surprised at her own boldness.
- "Olivia …. You are not going to make it easy, are you?", she joked.
- "Not at all", she joked back.
"I'm not letting you, or me, run from this, from our feelings. I'm ready to fight you Casey Ann Novak, I'm ready to fight for you", she whispered.
- "How knighhoodish from you", she breathed before being interrupted by an other tender kiss.
This time she didn't pull back, returning the kiss forcefully, their tongues dualing hotly. She let herself been dragged in Olivia's strong arms, her hands on the brunette's shoulders to keep her balance. And she certainly didn't pull back when she felt warm hands slide under her top, bringing them even closer, sending delicious shivers through her body.
All too soon, their gentle mutual exploration stopped as Olivia removed her hands and leaned backwards, elicing a disappointed growl from the redhead.
Smiling, she waited for her to open green foggy eyes before explaining herself:
- "As much as I'd like to keep that up Counselor, I doubt that would be wise"
Not trusting her voice, Casey arched an eyebrow in a silent question.
- "I want to do what's right; I don't want us to rush this. I want to take it nice and slow", she whispered as her hand rose to brush away an errand red strand, then settled on Casey's cheek
- "Ok", Casey whispered as she lowered her head, letting a reddish lock hide her disappointment.
Her movement wasn't missed by Olivia, who tilted her head back up with a single finger, forcing her to meet her eyes.
- "…and don't even think of reading anything else in it Casey Ann Novak. I love you, I want much more than this but without rushing it. Jumping in bed with you, as appealing as it is, would be wrong just now. You know that", she reassured her as she pecked her nose.
- "I know", Casey admitted a minute later
"It's just unfair to be given a taste of heaven then having it taken back", she pouted.
- "Heaven, hu? You evil tease..", Olivia joke, resting her forehead against Casey's.
"Not jumping in bed on our first kiss doesn't mean we can't have more…", she smiled seductivly as she lean forward and kissed her softly "… it just means I have too much respect for you to do it the wrong way"
- "You are right Olivia. Besides I don't want you to regret it later", she admitted in a low voice, disentangling herself from Olivia's arms and settling back on the couch.
- "What's that supposed to mean?"
- "Liv, I'm serious when I say I can't compete with you…physically, emotially. I'm not just saying it, it's how I feel", she whispered, looking up at Olivia who was watching her intensely but saying nothing.
"I know I'm not exactly at my best right now and having sex …"
- "… making love. We will make love Case…", Olivia corrected her gently, sitting by her side on the couch, a hand coming to rest on her forearm, not daring to deepen the physical contact. Whatever emotional turmoil Casey was going through, she seemed ready to sort it out now.
- "… making love", Casey gave in with a shy smile, mesmerized once more by Olivia's caring
"I don't want you to do it because you pity me, because I'm some broken wreck"
- "Don't you trust me?", Olivia queried not so gently, not understanding how they came back to that point after what just happened between them.
- "I do Liv, more than anyone", she breathed, a shaky hand rising to brush across Liv's full lips.
"I guess it's what scares me. My heart tells me to go for it but my head says it's all lies, that it won't last. That once it's all over, you will disappear from my life"
- "I'm not lying to you!", Olivia snapped.
- "I know Liv, it's for me to sort this out. I… you see for the longest time I've been alone, I don't trust easily and those past months by your side, in your cares were magical. I just don't want to fall too hard, too fast because if this…this thing between us doesn't work, I honestly don't think I'd get through it"
- "It will. Case I promise you this love between us is real. It's not some teenager's crush for a school teacher. It runs deeper than that", she whispered, cradling Casey's hand in hers and bringing it to lie over her heart
"I love you Casey, more than anything, more than I ever did and I know I will never feel this way again. I've been alone all my life and believe me, I have trust issues too. But I refuse to let our past endanger our future together", she said honestly.
"And I don't, and never did, pity you", she went on a little more harshly that she intended.
- "Thank you", Casey whispered a long moment later, a moment spent watching Olivia intensely, seeing in her eyes that she was speaking the truth.
"Thank you for not letting me run away from this Olivia", she admitted shyly.
- "Case, what happened with your father belongs to the past. Given this, I understand how hard it is for you to trust, to love, but believe me, I have the same doubts, the same fears, I never imagined myself in this situation"
"Please just trust us", she pleaded her, tears welling up in her eyes.
- "I will", she vowed.
"I am", she corrected herself chuckling, ending their argument with a tender kiss on Liv's lips.
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