Mycroft sipped at the golden champagne as he admired his dining partner. Alicia really did look amazing. With silky hair, tender features and a lovely light in her eyes she blended perfectly into the beautiful scenery, her sparkling black dress closely resembling the stars in the sky above them. He didn't deserve this. He didn't deserve any single human let alone a beautiful and talented lady like Elizabeth. Mycroft grimaced to himself, this was just as bad as taking a knife to someone.

He would hurt her, he would drag her down, he would corrupt her. And Mycroft could not handle that he cared about her too much. But it was too late to do anything. The damage was done. If he hadn't texted or called her, Lady Smallwood would maybe have felt a bit hurt but she'd understand. At this point if he said anything it would be offensive and he'd have been leading her on.

Damn it, it wasn't like that! He did like her! He did want to be with her! It's just that she shouldn't have to be forced through that, no one should. He didn't want to hurt her, she really was important to him. Telling her this should end would hurt her, staying with her would hurt her, what the hell was he supposed to do?

Mycroft sighed to himself, he'd just have to go with it until she dumped him, it was going to happen. The thought saddened him but Mycroft knew it was for the best. He would have the privilege of enjoying the time he had with her. That made Mycroft's stomach churn, what gave him the right? But there was nothing he could do about it. Mycroft breathed heavily, trying to work through his feelings.

It was then that he remembered the pin in his pocket. Mycroft's breath caught and he fingered it gently in his hand before slowly jabbing the point into the delicate flesh between his thumb and pointer. Pain sparked through him and after several sharp stabs he felt as if he could look the beautiful lady in front of him in the eyes.

"Are you okay, Mycroft?" Lady Smallwood asked with eyes glistening with concern. Mycroft blinked, yes he must have looked a bit off just sitting there with a troubled expression breathing heavily. He swallowed thickly and gave her a reassuring smile "Yes of course, Alicia, I was just thinking about the Romanian political affair. You know me, can never get my head out of work." Elizabeth didn't look convinced but she smiled and nodded "I can empathise. About time we had an evening that was just relaxation and no worries or national crises for once. More champagne?" She asked with a smile which Mycroft returned "I'd love some."

"Can I get you any starters?" Mycroft felt a sinking feeling in his stomach. He and Elizabeth had been having such a lovely time talking and laughing together he had forgotten about food entirely. He knew how these restaurants went, this wasn't just some normal food place if you didn't have a bit of every single course they would feel personally offended, it didn't matter if you ate any of it or not it was concept. Sometimes being rich was just bloody inconvenient.

"I'll have the chargrilled mackerel, please. Thank you very much." Lady Smallwood said, handing the starters menu over. Mycroft looked at the menu in dismay as eyes landed on him. "C-can I have the um… watercress and pomegranate salad please?" He asks finally, handing over the menu and trying not to look to guilty. Watercress. Judging from the food sources of the restaurant they would only use organic, fresh and chemical free produce. Watercress was four calories per cup added with the pomegranate which was unfortunately sugary but 45% of that would be seed therefore it shouldn't make too much damage. Yes, it would do okay.

"That's a bit small, isn't it?" Lady Smallwood commented as the waiter walked away. Mycroft blushed "I ate a lot for breakfast. I can handle dinner but I don't want to fill myself up already. The later courses are always the better." Alicia nodded "I agree. You can tell me, though, if something is wrong." She said earnestly. Mycroft smiled gently, touched her feeling distant as he knew he couldn't tell her anything, he couldn't tell anyone. "Of course, my dear lady. And the same goes to you naturally, you are a very dear friend to me." "And you I." Lady Smallwood said with a smile.

They couple talked more as they waited for their food. Mycroft let himself forget for a while. It was okay. Probably 20 calories at the most. He was fine. If the worst came to worst he would just have to disappear into the loos to purge himself, it was no big deal. And yet he couldn't help but feel the ridiculous notion of being incredibly greedy. Lady Smallwood would see how far and gross he was when he ate. She would lose the affection and respect she'd had for him and she would leave him like everyone else. But wasn't that good? Wasn't it better that way? Hadn't he only just been thinking about how the lady would be far better off without him?

Mycroft's thought process was cut off as the waiter returned with their starters. Mycroft felt a cold feeling of horror film him. The plate was too big, far too big. It was still a starter plate but a very generous one. It was heaped with food and it wasn't just watercress and pomegranate there were croutons and small bits of bacon!

Mycroft had to bite back panic. This was a stupid thing to panic over, he would just have to deal with it. He could leave as much of it untouched on his plate as he could, maybe hide some? He could throw it up too but that'd have to wait until after all the meals, it would be suspicious if he took three too long trips to the loo one after the other. But surely bits of it would have digested by then…

Mycroft's stomach churned as he emptily thanked the waiter. He watched as Lady Smallwood started eating her food. Here was salted and heavy but she could have that, normal people could have that. But Mycroft couldn't because he was bulging with fat, even a single glass of apple juice was too much for him. He needed a meal a week to help him get to a healthy human size. There was nothing healthy about heart issues.

Mycroft looked at his own food. He had to eat some. Alicia was going to start asking questions. She was watching. Her eyes were on her own food but Mycroft knew that she must be watching. Watching and waiting for him to start eating, start indulging his fat body in this gross obsession of his. Maybe this was why she'd wanted to be with him, so she could find humiliating evidence of his disgusting eating habits.

He had to eat. But he couldn't! But he had to… Mycroft braced himself and brought the fork mechanically to his mouth.