Title: Waiting on Forever
Author: D Sollers
Subject: AU Season Six fic. Lucas chose Brooke to take to Las Vegas.
Author's Notes: I am on a roll with these updates!! Yay me lol. But seriously, I am hoping that this chapter goes over very well, since most of it is based on Lucas' book. The remaining chapters will be out over the next couple of days and I will be able to focus on my older stories and maybe a few new ones :-D
Okay and the passages from his book, are in italics.
CHAPTER THIRTY FIVE
Who am I to Say
He's seen her before, with a town as small as Tree Hill there was no way he could have missed her. She runs in the same circle as Peyton Sawyer and his half brother and even though he's heard the rumors about her behavior, the only thing that is apparent is her beauty.
Everyone judges her, from the cheerleaders she's friends with to his best friend. They all have opinions of her and yet he can't make out a single one. Even when she winds up naked in the backseat of his truck.
It had taken him by surprise, that's for sure but it was one memory he never wanted to forget. She reminded him that not only had he made the winning shot but that he had entered a whole new world, hers.
And he was pretty sure he was going to stay in it.
"So, you my date tonight Luke?"
It's a week or so later and the burning boat festival is here. It's a silly tradition but Lucas hopes that it brings new changes to the town and to his family.
When he glances down at her, his breath catches in his throat and he can't help but smile. She's beautiful, undeniably so. But there's sadness underneath her twinkling eyes and he knows that she's hiding it from everyone.
But he knows, because its a familiar sense of sadness.
It mirrors his own.
"You know Brooke, you don't have to act like this..."
For a moment he thinks about the rumors he's heard, her sleeping with just about anyone and drinking alcohol to numb the pain. He wants to tell her that she's better than that, that's she is beautiful and has so much more potential than she is giving herself credit for.
She smiles at him, a grin big enough to show her dimples and he wants to reach out and touch her face. "I know that," Brooke said with a shrug of her shoulders. Her hazel eyes meet his and she holds his stare. "But you're the first guy to say it."
And he knows it's true.
Because every other guy is more interested in having sex with the head cheerleader than to actually look and see Brooke Davis. But he's different and as she stares up at him, he thinks she can tell. Her eye brow kinks and she gently pats his shoulder.
"You do your thing and try to resist it's actually kind of cute."
She's disappeared again, faster than she came and he's trying his hardest not to look into the crowd and follow her. So, he does the only thing he knows how and stares down at the burning boat, hoping this year changes a lot of things.
Brooke's eyes glanced up from the pages and smiled slightly. It amazed her that despite the time that had passed, Lucas still remembered their relationship.
In great detail.
Perhaps even better than she did.
Brooke grabbed her cell phone and dialed his number, not able to control the butterflies in her stomach. "I take it you found the book," Lucas laughed as he answered the phone.
She nodded her head but couldn't find the words to express how she was feeling. "I started writing it back in high school," Lucas explained. "I couldn't figure out why I couldn't finish it... But I guess I was just waiting for our happy ending."
Brooke smiled against the phone. "Lucas I don't know what to say," she whispered finally.
"I want you to understand," Lucas sighed. "I want you to see what I see. So promise me you'll finish reading the book."
Brooke nodded her head. "I promise."
--
Brooke continued reading the story, old feelings resurfacing as he explained in detail their first break up. He explained how he had feelings for her at the time but that his infatuation for Peyton was stronger.
Or so he thought.
She read through the parts where they had decided to be friends and how his heart broke every time she said the words. Her eyes filled with tears as he described how everything began to change when he finally looked at her. Lucas explained how he felt every time he saw her with Felix, their jealousy that raged through him that he tried to hide.
He even included how Mouth had thought their hearts were the same, something he'd grown to realize along the way as well.
He can't believe the day is finally here. He'd spent months trying to keep her in Tree Hill and yet the day has finally approached when she would leave. He can feel the hours turn into minutes and suddenly he's outside his bedroom door as if it's the only place he wants to be.
He can't let her leave with out telling her the truth. Without telling her how wrong he had been to betray her and that he was still completely in love with her.
She turned to face him, unsure as to what he was doing there. "What is your summer job driving a cab?" She tries to laugh as an escape from the pain she's feeling and he shuts the door behind him.
"I put your stuff in the car," he said as he made his way towards the brunette.
"I guess this is goodbye..."
He doesn't want to say goodbye to her because honestly, he can't picture his life without her. She's gone from complete stranger, to girlfriend to ex girlfriend to friend all in the course of a few months and even though he has no right, he can't help but want more.
He reaches his arms out to pull her into a hug and she steps into it. His eyes shut and he takes a deep breath, allowing himself to smell the familiar vanilla shampoo. She relaxes into his hug and he holds her more tight, struggling within himself to let her go.
He finally lets his grip on her go and she struggles to step forward but before he can think, his lips are crashing onto hers. It's a soft kiss, allowing him to express just how he really feels.
As she pulls away from him, he can see the look on her face and he knows that she feels the same way. "Tell me that was a goodbye kiss," she says almost hopefully through tears.
And even though he knows he shouldn't, he can't help himself. "I want to be with you Brooke," he said finally. His eyes are searching hers, hoping that his straightforwardness won't scare her away and she takes a step back.
"What?" She manages to say.
He doesn't break his stare as he continues, doing his best to tell her the whole truth. "I'm sorry. I know we're friends but that's just how I feel."
"What about Peyton's stuff?"
He thinks about her blonde friend and he struggles with what to say. How does he tell her how he feels? How does he explain how wrong he was to cheat on her?
"I keep that stuff as a reminder of how badly I screwed up things," he explained. "With you. To remind myself..." He paused for a moment and then shrugged his shoulders sadly. "That if I ever had a second chance, I'd never let you go again."
He watches as she blinks back tears and he knows that she's going to walk out the door and he's going to be powerless to stop it. "I uh..." She bites her lip nervously and the cab honks in his driveway. "I don't know what to say."
He wants to tell her he loves her, to tell her that he's the guy for her and he's going to do whatever it takes to prove it to her. But she's crying now as she shakes her head.
"I have to go," she said as she pushes past him and makes her way to the door.
He needs something, anything to comfort him for the months that she's going to be gone. "Brooke, do you think you could ever..."
She holds up her hand with a silent plea, begging him to not push her any further. "Lucas please... I gotta go." She opens the door and stares back at him for just a second longer.
"Bye," she says as she shuts the door behind her.
--
As she read over the words, she couldn't help but relive those moments. Brooke bit back tears as she thought about that summer away from him and how she had spent it. She thought about the letters she had written, one a day until she had returned to Tree Hill.
As she read the following chapters, she couldn't help but laugh at how naive she had been. How he had been so eager to prove to her that they could be exclusive, that he wouldn't hurt her again.
Next he had written about the fantasy boy draft and how even though he was stuck with Rachel, it was her he was thinking about. He wrote about the destiny shot and how in that moment, he knew.
He'd love her forever.
That he was going to prove it to her.
And so he had gone to her apartment, to tell her that. Tears threatened to spill onto the pages as she read about his heartache over her sleeping with Chris and how he couldn't find a way to get past it.
He glanced at the box in front of him in a daze. Their had to be more than eighty envelopes in the box, each different in size and different colors and yet it was the most beautiful array of the rainbow he had ever seen.
More than anything, he wanted to rip them open. To understand what this amazing girl thought about him and life and love. He wanted to read the words she had been too afraid to admit to out loud.
And yet he couldn't. She had broken him in a way that he didn't even think was possible. Irony ran through him, as he realized that months ago she probably had felt the same way.
Here they were, two broken people more in love than anyone he had ever known. Perhaps they were broken beyond repair, maybe there wasn't any hope for the two of them.
No, he couldn't think that.
She was different. This was the girl he had been fighting so hard for. The girl he loved more than anything in the world. The same one he had promised to wait for.
He stared away from the letters and up to her face, her eyes welling with tears. She said her apologies and turned to walk down the steps and out of his life.
The familiar ache in his heart was there as he glanced from the back of her retreating figure to the letters in the box. He blinked back tears as he thought of everything they had been through to be together and he tossed the box onto his desk.
It took three seconds to make it from the door of his bedroom to the sidewalk and he called out for her.
"Brooke, I'm sorry."
His voice was soft and even as he struggled to find the words, she turned to face him. There was a glimmer of hope in her eyes and he smiled at her.
"What you did with Chris... It's okay."
His voice is stronger now, more determined to have her listen but she doesn't believe him. She struggles to stand there as she shook her head in frustration. "It's not, it can't be. It's too much to forgive."
He looks away from her, not wanting to see her tears in her eyes as he continued. "That's too bad because I forgive you."
"You can't," she cried.
He shrugged his shoulders. "I just did." For the first time in what felt like forever, he smiled. "So you're just going to have to deal with it."
His eyes softened as he realizes he needs to be honest with her. He needs to tell her all those things that he's been keeping bottled inside and he needs her to understand. So he says it the only way he knows how.
"I'm the guy for you Brooke Davis," he sighed. "And I know that I hurt you last time but..."
"I love you."
He paused for a moment, taken back at the honesty in her words and he nods his head in understanding. "I love you too," he whispered, running his finger over the curve of her cheek. "Pretty girl."
--
Looking back it amazed her that despite everything they had been through to be together, it ended as fast as it did. Lucas following chapters were filled with their endless fights, nights of making up and the school shooting.
They'd never really talked about the school shooting, other than the fact that Peyton and him had kissed. So, reading it from Lucas' point of view had taken her by surprise. He wrote about how thankful he had been that she was safe on the outside of the building and how all he kept thinking about was making it out alive to be with her.
The kiss happened fast, Peyton was in pain and not thinking clearly. And when her lips pressed against his, all he could see was her best friend and how insanely in love with her he had been.
She read about his hope for the two of them after high school and how the day of Nathan and Haley's wedding, he couldn't help but wish it was them.
His words surprised her as she read about his hope to start a family together and how when he had found the pregnancy test, he wasn't scared.
He knew they could make it.
He believed in them.
Tears fell on the pages in front of her as she relived their breakup .
"I was trying to call you," Lucas said as he stood up. Brooke slammed the door behind her best friend and shook her head, angry at herself for allowing things to have gotten so out of hand.
"You mean when you weren't hanging out with Peyton?"
Her words slice through him and even though he wants to let her know that nothing is going on between him and her best friend, he's shocked by her tone of voice.
It's in that moment that he knows that nothing he is going to be able to say is going to change the out look of things. Brooke Davis is going to yet again walk out of his life and this time, there's nothing anyone can do about it.
"Come on Brooke, you didn't call me back."
She has her hands on her hips and she shook her head in frustration. "Now you know how I feel," she replied. They're silent for a moment and she finally finds her strength. "Listen, I know it's been difficult for you lately. Losing Keith and your heart condition and giving up basketball..."
His mind drifts to think about each of the things he's missing and yet he wants to tell her that none of that is important to him as long as he has her.
But there's a determination in her voice and he knows what's coming.
"I feel like, I've been keeping you close to me to protect you from those things. Like I'm hanging onto the two of us for you but not for me."
He thought back over the last few weeks and about the aftermath of the school shooting. His mind drifted towards the trip he had taken and all of his plans for the future. He wanted to write, he wanted to go to school close enough where he could be around his family and friends.
But more than anything, he wanted Brooke.
The day of Haley and Nathan's wedding kept replaying over and over in his mind and he struggled to form the right words. He wanted her to understand, to know that the kiss between him and Peyton hadn't meant anything and that he wouldn't jeopardize their relationship ever again.
"I'm sorry I kissed Peyton. I should have told you," he said in frustration as he sat down on his desk chair.
She followed him and sat down on the bed, shaking her head sadly. "it's not about that Luke. Its not. I mean I thought it was..." She paused for a moment and he seemed genuinely confused. If it wasn't Peyton... then what could it have been? "It's not about her. It's about me."
She takes a deep breath and he stares at her face, trying to memorize every detail in fear that he'll never see her like this again. She's vulnerable to him, something more beautiful then he'd ever be able to describe.
But with the softest voice and an unwavering heart, she continued."I love you Lucas and I probably always will," she smiled sadly.
He wants to say I love you too and he reaches for her hand but it's too late. He wasn't prepared for what came next. " But we go days without having a meaningful conversation and I use to miss you so much when that happened. But it never seemed like you missed me. And I guess because of it I stopped missing you."
She's talking about the accident and the hospital and he can make out Peyton's name but the words aren't forming into sentences. All he can concentrate on is the fact that she doesn't miss him anymore.
He wants to say something, to scream at her and tell her that she's wrong. That he's missed her everyday he was gone and every day since. He wants to tell her that his body aches when they're not touching and he needs her like she's his air he breathes.
But the words don't form.
And suddenly, she's pulling her hand from his. "I'm sorry Lucas but I can't do this anymore." She leans down to place a kiss on his forehead and he feels as if a thousand knives have cut through his chest.
He knew that the moment she entered his room that they were over but he never realized how hard it would be to hear her say the words.
She's finally given up on the two of them.
On him.
"Goodbye," she said, slipping out of the door and leaving him in total silence. He stares at the computer screen, at the words he had written hours before. His own declaration of love, just like her letters had been.
With a deep sigh, he gently tapped on the delete button, erasing the words he had formed about the beautiful brunette who had just shattered his whole world.
--
The following chapters are filled with different emotions: anger, loss, betrayal. He wrote about the way she made him feel as if there was nothing he could do to make things right between the two of them.
The book was half way over and she could understand why. Their relationship had ended already and so his time would focus on Peyton afterward.
But she promised Lucas she would finish the story. So with a deep sigh and a heavy heart, she continued.
He led her up the walkway to her friends home, his mind thinking a million things at once. She'd been distant all night, trying to say the right thing and pretend that she's happy in front of Peyton.
She's hesitant as they reach the door and he knows what's coming. "Luke don't hate me but I think this is a mistake," she says, looking up at him.
There's sadness in her eyes and he knows that it's because of him.
And he hates himself because she deserved better. She deserved to be with someone who wouldn't cause her any pain and even though he had tried everything in his power to protect her, he had wound up hurting her the most.
Again.
He takes a deep breath and nods his head. There's nothing he can say to take away the pain he's put her through so instead of dragging her further along, he agrees. "So do I." The words slip out of his mouth faster than he can think.
"You do?"
He knows he has to say something, anything to make her understand that this wasn't what he wanted for her. He wanted her to have the type of relationship that she had always dreamed about, not the one constantly bringing her down.
"I missed you so much when you broke up with me Brooke. I spent everyday hoping that we'd get back together. But listening to Whitey describe his life with Camilla... I just realized..."
"That he wasn't talking about us."
She finished his sentence for him and he can't even believe she's really saying the words. He wants to tell her that it isn't true, that no one can love anyone as much as he loves her but there is truth in Whitey's words and he can't help but face them.
"Do you think that even exists anymore?"
"What?" He asks, to caught up in his own thoughts to understand what she was trying to ask.
Her eyes fill with tears and she smiles up at him with the smallest hint of hope. "A love so strong that nothing can come between it?"
He thinks about Peyton and how they had let her come between the two of them time and again and he needs to believe that things will work out in the end.
Maybe in a few years, she'll realize what he's seen all along.
"I sure hope so."
Brooke shakes her head. "Yeah, I guess we'll just have to wait and see." She pauses for a moment and stares up at him, her eyes staring into his for answers he didn't have. "Where does this leave us?"
He's been wondering the same thing because honestly he can't picture not having her around him. But the thought of being her friend is almost too painful to think about.
Brooke's eyes search his and he shrugs his shoulders. "Friends?" He mumbles out loud. It's too late for him now, he knows that he needs to have her in his life and if being her friend is the only way, then that's what he'll be.
"Friends."
--
It amazes him how much a few months can change things. He'd spent the beginning of senior year, happily dating the head cheerleader and by the time graduation came along he was dating her best friend.
And even though he's happy, there was a part of him that felt as if he was betraying Brooke. That by being with Peyton was confirming every one of Brooke's doubts about him and their relationship.
He needed her to understand.
To know that despite his relationship with Peyton, it didn't take away the love that he had felt for Brooke. She had been his first of many things: his first girlfriend, his first serious relationship, his first sexual experience and his first love.
Memories that Peyton would never be able to take away from Brooke.
Memories that ate away at him, every single day even as he tried to convince himself that he was over the brunette.
He watched in the distance at Brooke and Chase, how happy he seemed to be making Brooke. But he kept his distance, trying his best to be her friend but avoid any awkward situations as best as possible.
He could tell she was doing the same thing avoiding him at any cost but still trying to be there for him in the process. That's why the night of graduation and the last big party they would have, he pulled away from his girlfriend and made his way to find Brooke.
He had so many things he wanted to say to her, words he wasn't able to express in the yearbook. It wasn't as if he was hiding anything from Peyton but he needed the brunette to understand, even if his girlfriend didn't.
He finds her in an empty room, staring helplessly out the window to her world that was changing. He makes his way towards her and smiles. "So, you ready to leave tomorrow?"
It's not until she turns to look at him that he can see the tears forming in her eyes. And even though she doesn't cry, he knows they're there. "Hey, what's wrong?" He asks but deep inside, he already knows the answer.
She's worried about leaving Tree Hill behind and starting over, she's worried about getting lost in the process. It amazes him that despite the time that passed, he is still pretty sure that he knows her better than anyone else.
Her head is shaking and she's trying to form the right words, anything to escape telling him the truth. But as she stares into his concerned eyes, she can't help but be honest. "I don't know I just..." She pauses for a minute and she's fumbling with words. "I know moving on is a good thing but I guess I'm just scared. High school is just safe and I'm not sure I'm ready for the real world..."
He wants to tell her she's wrong and that she can accomplish anything she puts her mind to but he'd rather show her. Besides Haley, Karen is the only other person who's read his story and he wants her to see his words first.
He wants her to believe in them.
To believe in herself, the way that he does.
The following chapters were hard for her to read, hearing about the relationship he had with Peyton. How he had felt as if things didn't work out between the two of them, that he had let Brooke go for nothing.
It surprised her that Lucas' feelings for Peyton were clouded with his biggest desire. To have the love like Whitey and Camilla, like Karen and Keith or even Nathan and Haley. He wanted to have a family and Peyton loved him, it was that simple.
He'd written about the relief that had settled within his heart after his trip to New York. She had left him with words of advice for making himself a better writer and a better person.
And he had done just that, in hopes that somewhere down the road he'd find his way back to the brunette and to the love they had once shared.
He'd tried his best to ignore his resurfaced feelings and was glad when Lindsay had entered his life. At first Lindsay was a distraction away from thoughts of her and Peyton. But along the way, he had grown to love her.
The final chapters were written about both her and Peyton's return to Tree Hill and how it had effected everything for him. It made him put his past into perspective, including his feelings for both of his exes.
He'd tried his hardest to fight the undeniable and had agreed to marry Lindsay despite the fears growing inside of him. And then she had left him at the alter, leaving him to once again face his past.
A part of him blamed Peyton, angry at her over not only the loss of Lindsay but the realization that she had part in losing her as well.
The following chapters were filled with all things Angie, the very first time he had met her and the way Brooke had knocked on his door that night.
And how it had changed everything.
All of the feelings that Lucas kept hidden, were suffocating him. He couldn't control the memories that flooded to the surface, promises of protecting Brooke from pain at any cost.
She'd become even more beautiful to him, if that was even possible.
The last chapters were about their time in Las Vegas, their relationship following and his determination in fighting for her. As she read the last chapter of his story- their story, she couldn't help the hope that rushed through her all over again.
He paused for a moment and tried to figure out where he was on the court. Deciding that it was now or never, he raised his hand and got ready to throw the ball. "Whether this works or not, I love you Brooke. And I want to marry you."
The ball slipped into the net and instantly he knew.
He had made the shot and this time, Brooke was there to watch it.
As he slipped the tie from around his eyes, he thought about everything they had been through.
The ups and downs of their relationship, how many times he had let her down and how many times he hadn't. His mind relived every single one of his embarrassing speeches and his worries over life without her. He thought about every kiss they had ever shared and every time she had touched him.
"I can't believe you made that..."
He crossed the court ignoring her skepticism and he played with the ring in his pocket. Without a second thought, he gently wrapped the necklace accompanying the ring around her neck.
"I'm going to wait for you Brooke, for as long as it takes."
It's what he should have said to her years ago and he realizes it could possibly be too late. He's kissing her shoulder now and she's rubbing the ring with the tip of her fingers.
"I still can't believe you did that," she smiled.
"To be fair, I know every inch of the court."
It's more than that and he wants to believe that she knows its true. So when a tiny laugh falls off of her lips, he knows that there's a chance for the two of them. That there's hope for their future.
"Just shut up and kiss me."
And as his lips crash down on hers, he thinks to himself that there's nothing in the world he'd rather be doing. He can't help but picture the life they'll live, happy and content in each other's arms. He thinks about the family they'll make and how they'll be happy and in love forever.
Something he's sure has never really changed.
TBC...