Ch. 34: Stranger in the place called "home"
As silence enveloped the bloody battlefield, Allen's adrenaline started going back to normal levels and he realised that he had just murdered a good number of human beings and that he had done so without hesitating, without even thinking. They might have been Crows, but they were still human and Allen had promised himself that he would protect the mankind. He realised, with some apprehension, that Neah had all but taken control right after Alma had pulled him away from the binding wings that first time.
He felt mildly sick, so he looked away from the bloodied bodies and focused on Lvellie, the reason for all that mess. If Lvellie hadn't pushed them so hard they wouldn't have had to run and maybe would have never joined the Noah. Hate burned in Allen as he made his way towards the last living enemy, noting that the others were doing the same, Lavi clutching his bleeding forearm. Lvellie didn't even try to hide his panic as they all came up to where he was restrained or supported, since his knees were shaking so badly he might have not been able to stand on his own, by Tykki.
The Noah started speaking but Miranda Lotto arrived at that moment, distracting them all from Lvellie for a while. She looked horrified and Allen felt sick because he saw what she saw: a bloodbath. Then Kanda's emotionless "almost" slapped him like a blow and he realised that the samurai had absolutely no problem with what they had done. Kanda looked back to Lvellie as Miranda started crying, but Allen found his gaze drawn to her and when their eyes met, he saw what she thought of them: monsters. It hurt more than it should have.
'So what do you want to do with this guy?' Tykki asked, his tone light and almost laughing. This entire bloodbath was to get to that one monster that had forced them to such drastic measures, Allen thought and turned back to Lvellie.
'Can we take him to the Order and force a cube of Innocence down his throat?' Kanda asked coldly, startling Allen into looking at him. There was only hate reflected in the samurai's dark eyes. Allen noticed that Lavi was looking carefully, a hint of sadness behind the calculating gaze of his green eye. Lvellie began to plead them for mercy, promising money in his stuttering voice.
'You think money can buy us?' Alma asked, his voice somewhat mocking but as cold as Kanda's and Allen realised that their hate run deeper than he had thought, that it had been feeding of their pain for longer than Allen would have expected. He wasn't sure how he had figured that out from the simple question, but the Noah within him laughed and said that it took one to recognise one.
Lvellie shut his mouth with a snap and looked so pitiful that Allen had to look away. Neah told him to stop being so soft. After all, didn't that man nearly destroy everything, the Noah asked and Allen could not deny the truth.
'I have an idea,' Tykki purred and Allen looked back at him right on time to see a purple butterfly bloom out of his hand. What the hell? 'Meet Tease, he's my little pet. I can have him eat through this guy in such a way that he doesn't get to anything vital for a long while,' he suggested. Lvellie started pleading, this time for a fast death and, as Tykki's words sank in, Allen felt sick enough to actually put a hand over his mouth.
'You don't deserve a fast death,' Kanda whispered. It seemed to be all Tykki needed as answer, because he lowered his hand to Lvellie's thigh and muttered something, probably to the butterfly, sinking his hand, together with the purple creature, underneath Lvellie's skin. An agonised scream tore through the air as Tykki's hand came out empty.
Smirking, the Noah stepped away and Lvellie fell to the ground, screaming in apparently excruciating pain, clawing at his thigh. Allen looked away after only a couple of seconds: nobody could have possibly deserved this kind of pain.
Hours later, cleaned and dressed in a new set of clothes, walking behind Road through the tunnel of shifting light, Allen could still hear the screams of Lvellie echo in his head. They had lasted long, longer than Allen would have expected and wished for, but the worst was that Kanda had watched the whole thing. Both Kanda and Alma, which was even more surprising, had watched emotionlessly how Lvellie slowly died in agonising pain. They watched until the horrifying butterfly bit through Lvellie's chest, where heart was. Probably where heart had been, Allen had thought back then, fighting down the nausea.
Afterwards, Alma had sighed and said "on to the next task", as though he was not at all bothered by Lvellie's fate. When Allen had looked at him to see if that was the case he had seen an echo of pain in Alma's eyes, but it wasn't pain at what had just happened. At that point, with Cross' condescending voice echoing in his head the words he had long since forgotten, Allen had remembered that it was the Lvellie family that had ordered the Second Exorcist Project.
At Road's suggestion they had all gotten rid of dirty clothes and had taken a shower in the luxurious place she had taken them to through her door. She had also wrapped a bandage around Lavi's wounded forearm expertly and, looking more presentable, they had started on the short trip that Allen feared the most: the return back to the Black Order's headquarters. It was the place he had called home for a brief moment of happiness, the place he had abandoned to fight for the sakes of his friends, his family he had never thought he would have after Mana.
He was coming back to that place as a Noah, ostensibly no longer even dressed in the Order's uniform. None of them were wearing a uniform, except for Miranda, who was kept sleeping within Road's dream to prevent her from freaking out as she had done in the luxurious place where the others had refreshed themselves. Since Tykki ended up being the one to carry her, it was really much better if she didn't wake up until they arrived.
Allen gulped when the door appeared in front of them, but nodded when Road put a hand on the handle and looked back at him. There was no point to prolong the waiting, the confrontation with reality that was inevitable. Road opened the door and stepped out without hesitation and Allen/Neah followed her, stopping as he saw a number of Finders point and activate the restraining fields. So much for a cheerful welcome, he guessed, feeling sadness stab him like a dagger. So much for coming home.
'You know that we can break those easily, right?' Kanda asked in a low growl and Allen glanced to see them all restrained in another field. He didn't think that threatening the Finders was the way to go about it, but he said nothing when Kanda grabbed Mugen's hilt, only slightly wincing in pain. So his hand was still hurting, Allen thought. He had wondered after their fight with the Crows.
'Remove those,' Komui's voice ordered firmly and Allen noticed the supervisor standing beyond the Finders. Cross was standing next to him, grinning like a cat that ate a canary and got away with it. 'This was just in case somebody else had gone through that door, excuse them,' Komui explained as the restraining field disappeared, but Allen could see that not all his doubts were gone as he swept his gaze over the tense group in front of him.
Neah whispered, in Allen's head, that such a field would not restrain the Noah either and Allen was grateful that neither Road nor Tykki said anything. He doubted it would have worked in their favour.
'Is Miranda alright?' Komui asked. Lavi nodded and said that she was only asleep but would probably wake up rather shocked, so it would be good if she was somewhere familiar. On Komui's order, one of the Finders took Miranda from Tykki, mindful to not be any closer to the Noah than he had to and not for a second longer than absolutely necessary. Tykki snorted derisively but said nothing. Thank God for small miracles, Allen thought and Neah mocked him that "God" didn't give a crap.
'Lvellie,' Komui started and trailed off, looking at them, worry and doubt and a bit of fear swirling in his eyes. How did they reply to that unasked question? Could they say outright that Lvellie was dead, murdered in a truly sadistic way that he had apparently deserved? Whatever Cross had told Komui couldn't have excused such a horrifying execution, could it?
'It's a long story,' Lavi spoke again, apparently having all the answers that were needed. His tone was Bookman-emotionless and Allen envied him that. 'He will never be a problem again,' he added and Allen winced at the heart-rending screams that echoed in his head. He hoped he would forget them one day. Komui nodded slowly and told the Finders to get lost as he walked up closer to the group.
'Your rooms are still there,' he said softly and some of Allen's anxiety melted away, because he was welcomed back after all. 'They had been searched thoroughly, as you might imagine, but I had made sure that nothing was taken out,' he added and Allen smiled, deciding to ignore the small spark of doubt still present in Komui's eyes when they landed on him.
'Do we have time for that?' Kanda asked in his usual, grumpy tone. Komui raised an eyebrow in question: was there anything else they needed to do. Then his expression cleared into surprise.
'Don't tell me that you had really found the Heart of Innocence,' he said and Allen winced because that was another topic he didn't know how to approach. They needed to tell Komui everything eventually, but he would rather do it somewhere that offered at least token privacy. He was sure that Alma and Kanda shared his thoughts.
'We know where it is,' Lavi replied calmly and emotionlessly, again the one with the right answer. 'But it's a long and complicated story and I could use some rest first. I would gladly try Jerry's cooking again also. It has been a while,' he added. Allen could literally hear the grin in Lavi's voice. He blushed when his stomach grumbled loudly, making Komui laugh.
'Now I can be sure that you are Allen,' Komui joked sounding a tiny bit too relieved to be entirely convincing. 'Jerry will be delighted to see you all back,' he added, but Allen wasn't so sure. Road chose that moment to say that Tykki and herself would make themselves scarce for a while and that all Allen had to do was call and they'd be back. He smiled at her gratefully and she kissed his cheek, whispering that she would see him soon. He hoped so.
'See you later, pretty boy,' Tykki said to Kanda with his trademark, seductive smile and caught Kanda's fist before it could connect with his jaw. 'See, all that pent up anger could be used so much better than on violence,' he purred and added that violence of course worked for him as well. Kanda growled, which would have worked as a positive reply to Tykki's not-quite-subtle invitation as well, Allen's dirty mind supplied cheerfully. Neah laughed as Allen groaned.
'Tykki,' Road scolded, opening her door and the older Noah followed with a laugh and a wink at Kanda.
'What was that about?' Komui asked confused, but Kanda only glared at him and the supervisor knew enough to not ask more. Instead, he told them that it was lunchtime and shooed them off to the dining room.
Everybody looked at Allen with fear and suspicion as they passed by and he pretended to not notice, for once grateful for Kanda's habitual glare that scared people off. Were the corridors of the headquarters always that crowded? He hated it. He hated it more and more with each glance and each whisper of "is a Noah" that followed them on their way. Admittedly, not all of the glances were directed at him and more than once he heard the others' names as well, whispered as they passed, followed by "killed Lvellie" or "found the Heart of Innocence" or "traitors", but it was he, the Noah, that provoked the most fear. By the time they had reached the dining room, the only thing holding him in place was Lavi's arm around his shoulders as the red-head chattered with Alma, who was walking on Allen's other side, casually.
The room fell silent as they entered and in silence they walked through it, following Kanda as the samurai cut straight to the beginning of the line, saying that he was not spending any more time with the stupid beansprout and the idiot rabbit than he absolutely needed to. It was so familiar that Allen snapped back at him instinctively and it was easy to believe that the Finders made space for them because of Kanda's glare and not his grey skin. However, when Jerry hesitated a fraction of a second before saying that he was happy to see him and asking what Allen wanted it felt like a punch to the stomach and it was he who got punched.
When Allen got his small mountain of food, knowing that he needed to eat even if all he wanted was to run and hide, Lavi, still holding an arm around his shoulders, steered them skilfully to an almost empty table. Alma was sitting there, enthusiastically putting mayonnaise all over his dish and Kanda, next to him was grabbing the chopsticks in his right hand, which he had categorically refused to have immobilised again after the battle with the Crows. Lavi all but pushed Allen into the seat opposite Alma himself sitting next to Allen. No later than they sat down did Daisya and Lenalee appear with their food, sitting down next to Alma and Allen. Komui must have warned them because they didn't as much as flinch when they saw Allen. Instead they grinned and welcomed them back home. Moments later, Mei, Sora and Kaori sat next to Kanda and Lavi as though nothing was out of order.
Most importantly, Jerry's food was still as good as Allen had remembered it.