A/N: Hello, everyone! Not too much to say today, but I wanted to wish you a HAPPY INTERNATIONAL FUN AT WORK DAY, INTERNATIONAL TATTING DAY, and, of course, APRIL FOOL'S DAY (APRIL 1)!
So, in celebration of April Fool's day, I decided to write a fun little filler chapter that was prank-themed to celebrate the occasion! What can I say? The opportunity was just too good to pass up.
Hope you all enjoy!
Peace out,
~silentwolf111
THIRD PERSON POV
"Demeter!" Hades roared as he stomped his way through the meadow, his presence easily disrupting the nature's air of serenity and beauty. "You ungrateful, insufferable little – "
Needless to say, the Lord of the Underworld was not happy.
As a matter of fact, one could suppose he was outraged, infuriated; perhaps even annoyed beyond all measures could work. Either way, one fact remained certain:
That cereal-crazy prat was going down.
"Demeter!" Hades repeated as he made his way to the goddess in question, who, he might add, happened to look remarkably innocent as she stood with a basket of freshly picked flowers dangling from her arm.
Demeter, upon hearing Hades' cries, immediately paused in her tracks, brushing off her long skirt as she shifted her gaze to the steaming god.
"Yes?" she said with a smile, her voice filled with a sweet innocence that seemed almost child-like.
It was so fake that Hades almost wanted to retch.
"Where is it?" he demanded.
"Where's what?" the goddess answered, her voice dripping with a feigned ignorance.
"You know very well what," Hades snapped immediately. "Now, if you'll quit your immaturity, I would very much like it back."
"I'm afraid I have no clue as to what you are speaking of," Demeter casually replied.
Hades narrowed his eyes as he clenched and unclenched his fists in an attempt to swallow his barely-contained fury.
"Well, I'm afraid you do," he said. "But if you've been so utterly stupid as to not even remember your own actions, I would very much like back my Helm of Darkness that you stole."
Demeter scowled at him, her green eyes flashing as she regarded him with a calculating look.
"I am not stupid," she said. "If you would truly like to see what 'stupid' looks like, I would suggest you go look in the mirror – that is, if it doesn't break as a result of your presence. And, secondly, I did not steal your precious Helm of Darkness."
"This isn't funny in any way, Demeter," Hades said, voice taking on a sudden sternness. "That Helm is very important to me, and I need it back. Now."
"And you have the audacity to call me 'stupid'," Demeter let out a small laugh. "Did you not hear me the first time? I do not have your Helm. You can search every inch of my domain, but I assure you, you will find that I am indeed innocent this time."
"I'm warning you," Hades said through clenched teeth. "This is your final chance to own up to the crime that both you and I know you committed. Give it back, Demeter."
The goddess sighed and rolled her eyes in annoyance.
"For the third time, I don't have your Helm. Whether or not you choose to believe me is your problem. But, nevertheless, I believe this will influence your decision…"
She cleared her throat.
"I, Demeter, solemnly swear on the Styx that I do not have Hades' Helm of Darkness anywhere in my possession."
As thunder rumbled faintly in the distance, Demeter shrugged a shoulder.
"See? No Helm."
Hades blinked in confusion, then shook his head.
"This does not change anything," he grumbled. "For all I know, you've probably given it to someone else, therefore it wouldn't be in your possession anymore…"
"I did not take your Helm!"
"Keep telling yourself that," Hades said as he turned back to his chariot. "I know you took it. But I should have known that you would be too immature to admit so, let alone give it back. I will return for it later."
He promptly ignored whatever Demeter said next as he boarded his black chariot and proceeded to get as far away from her as fast as possible.
Skillfully navigating his chariot back to his Underworld palace, Hades couldn't help but silently fume. His mind was racing; Demeter obviously took the Helm, she had to have taken it. What was he to do if she was too stubborn to give it back?
Get revenge, that dark part of his mind said to him. She's already redecorated your palace, gotten you involved in countless arguments, pestered you to no end about the importance of cereal, and now this – it's your turn to make the next move.
And, suddenly, the perfect idea started to formulate. Hades knew exactly what he was going to do to get even, and it wasn't going to be pretty. Not in the least bit.
Smirking, he pulled on the reins of the chariot, swinging it around in the opposite direction.
"Change of plans," he said to his horses. "Let's take a little field trip to Olympus, shall we?"
.oOo. .oOo. .oOo.
Ever since the Death Brat had showed up and ruined her day, Demeter had been in a horrible mood.
Shortly after Hades had left, she had promptly boarded her own chariot and set off for Olympus; the only thing that would brighten her spirits was a nice bowl of cereal, and Demeter intended to eat some as soon as possible. It was sure to do the trick, seeing as she'd had a particularly bad day.
For, contrary to his beliefs, Demeter indeed did not have Hades' Helm of Darkness (though she secretly wished she did; it would make perfect blackmail material). Nor did she know where it was. For the love of Zeus, she'd even sworn it on the Styx. Of course, the only one clueless enough to doubt the oath of the Styx would be Hades… Most likely, she assumed that the idiot had gone and lost the Helm somewhere in his own palace; she figured he would soon come crawling back to her later, apologizing profusely for his error.
Her thoughts were broken off as she realized she had arrived at Olympus. Parking the chariot, she strolled through the gardens and into the kitchen, eyes immediately going toward the cupboard that she knew held her precious cereal.
Releasing a content sigh, she opened the cupboard and pulled out the nearest box of cereal, popping one grain into her mouth as she proceeded to look for a bowl.
Suddenly, she stopped in her tracks, her eyebrows furrowed with concentration.
She put another grain of cereal into her mouth, chewing it ever-so-slowly. Something was wrong with this cereal, she knew it. Why, it was almost as if it were –
Expired.
…Now, that's strange…
Shrugging, she picked up the box and placed it in a nearby trash can. After all, she had plenty of other types of cereal to choose from.
Demeter pulled out another box, once again popping a grain into her mouth.
And then her eyebrows furrowed once more, for this box was expired as well.
She had no choice but to throw it out as she reached for yet another box. As she sampled this cereal, she didn't detect anything at first, but the aftertaste made it clear to her: like all the rest, this one was – you guessed it – expired.
She went through box after box, tasting cereal after cereal, and her worst fears were confirmed; they were all expired.
Every single one.
As she got to the last box, a flash of darkness caught her eye. Upon further investigation, she noticed a black sticky note attached to the back of the box, gold lettering scrawled across the paper in a (very familiar) script:
Don't make the grave mistake of messing with the Lord of the Dead.
…No pun intended.
-H
The shriek that followed effectively wiped out all vegetation growing within a five-mile radius.
"Hades killed my cereal…" Demeter said to herself, the realization hitting her full-force. "That Death Brat killed my cereal!"
She let out big gasping breaths and closed her eyes in an attempt to calm herself down.
And then, out of nowhere, a new feeling sprung from inside her; the horror was replaced with a fierce determination; she was going to get him back, and, by the gods, it was going to be wonderful.
"I didn't mess with you, Death Brat," she said out loud, crumpling the sticky note in her hand. "You messed with me."
She threw the note in the trash and swallowed.
"And, judging by what I'm going to do to you, it appears that you've messed with the wrong goddess."
.oOo. .oOo. .oOo.
Holy Hephaestus, that woman could scream.
He'd heard it from all the way in his palace, and found to his amusement that he'd definitely underestimated the goddess's lung capacity.
Hades chuckled as he sat back on his throne, stretching his legs out.
Payback sure was sweet.
"Hades," a voice suddenly called, jolting him out of his thoughts. A young lady stepped into the throne room, her hair thrown into a braided updo and her white dress flowing freely as she walked toward him.
"Persephone, my love," Hades acknowledged.
Upon seeing the confused look on the girl's face, Hades raised an eyebrow.
"Is something wrong?"
"No, nothing's wrong," the goddess said. "But, it's just – what was that I heard a short while ago?"
"What?"
"That sound," she said. "It almost sounded like a… a woman screaming. And, judging from that look on your face, you know something about this."
"Yes," Hades replied with a smile. "I do indeed. For one, that woman happens to be your mother."
As Persephone's expression shifted into one of worry, Hades held up a hand.
"Don't fret. Demeter's not hurt. I assure you, that scream was one of emotional pain, not physical."
Persephone paused and let out a sigh.
"What did you do this time?" she questioned, arms folded.
"Nothing," Hades immediately said. "Nothing at all."
"I don't trust you," Persephone said. "You obviously did something. And I've known you long enough to know that you aren't going to tell me what that something is."
Before Hades had a chance to respond, Persephone turned to walk out of the throne room.
"And here I thought you had finally changed your mind about her…"
Hades snorted.
"Now why would you think that?"
"Well, if the giant statue of her was no indication, I don't know what is," Persephone said as she walked out of the room.
What?
Giant… statue?
"Wait, hold up," Hades called, jumping off his throne and running after his wife. "Just what giant statue are you talking about?"
"Why, this one, of course," Persephone said, gesturing to the hall in front of them.
And, sure enough, there, in the middle of the room, was a statue of Demeter.
A ginormous statue of Demeter.
It was about 100 feet tall, glaring down at him with an irritatingly smug expression that made him want to punch it right in the face.
Mouth slightly agape, Hades turned toward his wife.
"Persephone, my sweet," he said, doing his best not to follow through with his instinct to destroy the thing, "Just where, exactly, did this come from?"
"It showed up a few minutes ago," she explained. "I figured you had it delivered. I thought it was rather sweet, actually."
"And under what circumstance did you think I would be idiotic enough to display such an outrageous tribute… to your mother… in my palace?"
"How was I to know?" Persephone said, crossing her arms defiantly. "I thought you'd finally come around; it was about time you got over that grudge."
"Me, getting over a grudge?" Hades questioned with a scoff. "That is practically unheard of."
"Yes, I realize that now," Persephone sighed. "But that doesn't mean I don't want it to happen."
Seeing Hades' mouth start to open in retaliation, she cut him off with a swift wave of her hand.
"I should probably get going now," she said. "Mother's probably expecting me soon, seeing how it's spring and all. I'll see you later, my love – and please, for both your sake and mine, don't do anything stupid."
She flashed out of the room before Hades could reply, leaving him all alone in the room.
All alone with the ridiculous statue, that is.
Hades suddenly heard a slight rippling sound, and turned his head upward to watch as a piece of paper fluttered down from the top of the statue.
As he bent to pick it up, he realized that it was a green sticky note, with a message written across it in a curly font:
I'm watching you, Death Brat. And I would suggest you watch your back as well.
-D
The nerve of that woman, Hades thought to himself. She thought it would end here, did she now?
Hades chuckled to himself.
No, it wouldn't end here.
Not a chance, for this meant war.
And, since Demeter had just made her move, that meant it was now his turn to play.
He disintegrated the note in his hand and let it fall to the ground in ashes.
I still fail to see how something as irritating as her was somehow able to produce such a wonderful daughter… Surely Persephone would-
He stopped in the middle of that thought, suddenly replaying that last word in his head.
Persephone.
…He had an idea.
.oOo. .oOo. .oOo.
It had been a long, exhausting, frustrating day, and Demeter was ready for bed.
Of course, the day brightened after she'd had her sweet revenge, but by then the damage had already been done; the only thing to do about it now was to get some sleep. After all, everything would be better come morning.
She opened the door to her bedroom chambers, and promptly froze in her tracks when she caught sight of the room.
She blinked.
And blinked again.
And again.
But the gods-darned things still wouldn't go away…
For, in every corner of the room, no matter which way she turned her head, there they were – they sat there in all shapes and sizes, their bright red sheen mocking her, in a way.
They were mocking her. He was mocking her.
Pomegranates.
Pomegranates everywhere.
They were everywhere.
The memories were coming back…
…It was almost too much...
…Scratch that, it was too much…
Demeter let out a gasp and fainted on the spot.
.oOo. .oOo. .oOo.
All right.
That was it.
Hades was officially done with all of this nonsense. While all of his pranks had been a stroke of genius (if he did say so himself), hers, on the other hand?
Hers had been just ridiculous.
First there was the fact that she felt inclined to steal his precious Helm of Darkness (which she still hadn't admitted to doing, by the way), then the arrival of the giant statue (a little vain on her part, in his opinion), and now this.
It was as if nature had exploded in his face, for the moment he stepped outside the Underworld, the plants seemed to be attacking him.
They had coiled up around his limbs and tried to pin him to the ground, whacked him back and forth across the face, and every tree he had passed under had dumped a load of branches onto his head.
His only escape was to take to the skies in his chariot, and even that failed to work as he eventually came across a particularly nasty tree that had attempted to knock his chariot out of the air.
Which led to the problem at hand; he had to find Demeter and put the war to an end.
But the goddess was nowhere in sight, and he had almost given up hope.
It was only when his horses paused in midair that he saw it:
A figure was making its way across a nearby meadow; the very same meadow, in fact, where it had all started not so long ago.
And, judging from the distressed appearance and the scowl on her face, the figure was obviously none other than the Goddess of Agriculture herself.
Hades coasted his chariot downwards into the meadow, stopping to pull out his sword before he hopped onto the soft ground.
He used the blade to slowly hack his way through the thick tendrils of grass, which had once again exploded around him as they tried to pull him to the ground.
Demeter spotted him then and started to stumble toward him, the two finally meeting face to face at last.
Demeter, upon seeing Hades' struggle with the grass, let out a snort.
"It's not funny," Hades said, slashing through the plants as he scowled at her. "Make it stop."
"Oh?" she said. "And why should I do that? I must admit it's rather amusing to see you like this."
"Knock it off, Demeter," he said sternly. "I have come to call a temporary truce."
"Well, I was just trying to prolong the entertainment," Demeter said, "but since you asked, I will put your struggles to rest."
She waved her hand, and the grass immediately unwound itself from Hades' limbs, sinking back into the ground as if nothing had happened.
"Thank you kindly," Hades said as he brushed himself off.
"As for your reason to visit, I will say that I too have come to compromise with you," Demeter said.
"I'm glad to hear it," Hades said, inclining his head slightly. "But, I must ask, though; you look terrible. What in Zeus's name happened to you?"
"It's been the oddest thing," she said uneasily, releasing a breath. "I feel some sort of disturbance; it's as if a tribute to me somewhere has just been destroyed."
After seeing the smug look appear on Hades' face, she narrowed her eyes and let out a groan.
"You threw the statue into Tartarus, didn't you?"
"But of course," Hades replied smoothly. "What else was I to do with it?"
"What is it with you and throwing things into Tartarus?"
"It's the way I deal with all my problems," he said.
Then, after a slight pause, "Actually, not all of them, seeing how you're still here."
Demeter shot him a look.
"Shut up, Death Brat. You think you have problems? Imagine my dismay when I found that my favorite food had just been destroyed. And then the pomegranates… that brought back memories I would rather not relive."
Hades crossed his arms in defiance.
"Well, having an enormous representation of you was just what my palace needed, thank you very much. Oh, and getting attacked by your manic plants was a fun experience as well."
Demeter opened her mouth to reply, but found that, for a change, no words could come out.
For a heavenly moment, silence drifted throughout the meadow.
That is, until Hades decided to open his mouth once more.
"You know, all of this could have been prevented if you would have just given back that Helm you took."
"For the final time, I have no interest in your insignificant possessions, you Brat," Demeter shot back with exasperation. "I do not have the Helm!"
"Yes, you do, and you know you do," Hades stated.
"I do not!"
"You do too."
The argument went back and forth, each statement delivered more passionately than the last. Soon enough, the insults were being exchanged in rapid succession, and both gods found themselves at each other's throats once more.
…Little did they know that, high above them, a certain messenger god wearing a certain Helm of Darkness was perched in a tree, silently chuckling as he congratulated himself on what he believed to be his most successful scheme yet.