Chapter 37

Nessie

"Mom?" I whispered, slowly opening my eyes and focusing on her beautiful face.

"Is it really you? Are you really here?"

She smiled down at me, and tightened her grip on me slightly. I was cradled in her arms. She reached up to brush the hair off my forehead.

"Yes, sweetie, I'm really here. You're safe now, and it's all over," she crooned, rocking me gently like she used to when I was little. I noticed that she kept glancing from my face to a point somewhere over my head.

"Where…..where are we?" I tried to lift my head and look around, but the movement made me feel dizzy, so I settled back in her arms.

"We're in a small clinic not far from…where you were being held," she answered softly, and she looked like she'd be crying if she could. There was both joy and sadness in her eyes, and it confused me. Why would she be sad, now that we were back together? I felt a slight tugging on my right arm, and looked over to see my father kneeling beside me, working to fit a makeshift brace that ran from my wrist to my elbow. Although he was being as gentle as possible, I sucked in air sharply as I felt a stab of pain.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart," Dad murmured, finishing with the brace quickly and patting my cheek. "Your arm is broken, and we needed to get it set as soon as possible. This brace is only temporary, though. As soon as we get you home, I'll have Carlisle put a cast on you." He smiled lovingly at me, and a rush of warmth flooded through me as he said the word "home". I could think of nothing else in this moment that could make me happier. Except….

"Where's Jake?" I asked, trying to lift my head again to look around for him. I vaguely remembered him beside me in my cell, the comfort of his familiar scent and husky voice, the feel of his skin against mine like a miracle. He had to be around here somewhere….

When neither my mother nor my father responded, a wave of panic coursed through me. Why weren't they saying anything? My father had glanced briefly over his shoulder to an area across the room, and when I looked up at my mother, her gaze was directed toward the same place, worry creasing her brow and her eyes lit with a strange light.

"Mom, please," I whispered. "Where's Jake? Tell me what's going on?"

She finally looked down at me and gave me a half hearted smile that didn't reach her eyes.

"Nessie, you were injured very badly. Your body has suffered a great deal of trauma, and you lost a lot of blood. You were going into shock, so we brought you here so Carlisle could save you. You needed blood desperately, and Jake….well, of course he volunteered to be your donor. The thing is, he was also hurt very badly. We're still not sure of the extent of his injuries, and…." she trailed off, looking over my head once again.

"And?" I demanded. "What, Mom? What happened to Jake?" I nearly shrieked as the panic threatened to rise up and drown me in it completely. My dad held my good hand and tried to soothe me, but I was beyond comfort right now.

"I'm sure he'll be fine, sweetheart," Mom reassured, looking down at me and trying to put an expression on her face that would match her encouragement. She didn't quite succeed.

"Where is he?" I tried to lift myself up yet again, and this time, Mom helped me. She already had one arm behind my back and used it to lift me until I was almost in a sitting position. I turned my head in the direction that they'd been looking earlier, and my heart stopped cold in my chest.

Jake was lying on a narrow bed, hooked up to what looked like dozens of tubes and wires, needles sticking out of him in myriad places, an IV dripping steadily behind him. I could feel the blood drain from my face. Dad placed his hands on either side of my face and turned my head gently so he could look me in the eye.

"Jacob did a very noble thing for you, sweetheart, but it took a toll on him. He was already critical when we brought him here, and giving his blood to you exacerbated his condition. We had to…perform CPR on him, but we got his heart going again, and Carlisle is doing everything he can for him. I'm sure he'll be fine, Nessie. Try not to worry. Jacob is a fast healer, and very strong."

My dad's words did little to comfort me, and as I stared at Jake, lying there looking so weak and helpless, so broken and vulnerable, I began to hyperventilate. My mother's arms automatically tightened around me, and Alice immediately darted over with a paper bag. My dad made me breathe slowly into it. I did what he said, but I never took my eyes off Jake. Carlisle and Sam hovered over him, working frantically, partially blocking my view. Jake's body twitched slightly as I watched, and it seemed like his chest wasn't rising and falling as much as it should be. There seemed to be too long a pause in between breaths. His skin color was off, too. It wasn't nearly as dark as it should be. From the blood loss, most likely. Or, more accurately, from the blood I'd taken from him. A wave of guilt washed over me, and almost as soon as it did, my dad gripped my chin lightly and told me in a firm voice that none of this was my fault, that Jacob had done what he felt he had to do in order to save my life. But what if he died because of me? I could never live with myself. Jacob had been a part of my life since the day I was born, an extremely important part. I couldn't even imagine what the world would be like without him in it. A bleak place full of despair, no doubt. Horror and anguish replaced the guilt and panic as I tried to envision the rest of my days without Jake by my side. My breathing got out of control once again, and Dad made me continue blowing into the paper bag.

"Nessie, calm down. Concentrate on your breathing. Are you alright?" His eyes were tight with worry for me, but I couldn't answer him. I was beyond words. I reached over with my left hand to touch my mother's cheek, so I could share my thoughts with her as well as with my father. Visions of my early life rose to the surface of my mind, the vibrant colors of happiness and security swirling around the edges of the pictures. Jacob was in every scene. He'd always been a vital part of my life, but I could see now that I'd always taken him for granted, always expected him to be there without question.

I could remember the first time I'd ever seen him, the day I'd been born. Rosalie had just finished feeding me, and had lifted me to her shoulder. And Jake had been there behind her, at the bottom of the stairs, staring at me with open wonder and an indescribable awe. I knew right away that he was mine, that he was for me. From that moment on, there was hardly a minute of the day that he wasn't in my line of sight. He was always there, ready to protect me, to keep me safe and happy and loved. He'd always given in to my every whim, and had never complained once. It had made him happy to make me happy: the endless games we'd played, the hunting trips, the quiet times just lying in the grass staring at the clouds, and, whenever we'd been near the ocean, endless trips to the beach to gather shells and chase sand crabs, the more serious talks as I'd grown older and had become a little more rebellious. Jake had always lent a sympathetic ear, and had never made me feel like I was a whiny, typical teenager. He'd listened to my hopes and fears, my dreams about the future and had always encouraged me. He'd always been there when I needed someone to confide in, to share my secrets with. He'd always been there for me to lean on.

I recalled the time we'd been living in Peru, and I'd gotten it into my head that I was every bit as indestructible as my family. I'd climbed to the top of a very tall tree, with Jacob protesting the whole way. I'd simply grinned at him and launched myself from the highest branch straight toward the ground. Of course it didn't hurt me, not really. All I'd suffered was a scraped knee, but Jacob had flipped out, scooping me up and flying with me through the forest to get me to Carlisle. He'd hovered over me as Carlisle had bandaged me up. He'd quickly probed my arms and legs for any broken bones, as I sat and rolled my eyes.

And then, the more recent memories of our time together floated to the surface. The moment we'd discovered our new love for each other, our first kiss, the way he'd held me so tightly, yet tenderly. I wasn't embarrassed at all by these thoughts, thoughts that were surrounded by richer, deeper colors. I'd all but forgotten that my parents were sharing these memories with me. Walking hand in hand through the forest at twilight, the twinkling stars a witness to our undying devotion; his arms wrapped around me as we lay on the cliffs of First Beach, the full moon watching over us; the glowing happiness on his face as he'd proposed to me and I'd accepted, the rose and lavender hues of the clouds surrounding the dull gold of the sun as it sank into the ocean behind him. A choked sob escaped from my throat as I lingered on this last memory, at the utter and complete bliss we'd known as we decided to share our lives together in a more permanent way, to tie our fates to one another.

I felt the cold, hard hands of my parents grasping my arms to restrain me as I tried to get to my feet.

"Please," I whispered. "Please, just let me go to him. Please."

My mom and dad shared a look, then each of them wrapped an arm around my waist and helped me slowly walk toward the bed where Jacob lay.

I placed my good hand gently on his cheek and bent to touch my lips to his forehead. It felt too cold. I leaned further down to whisper in his ear.

"Please Jacob, don't leave me. I need you. I love you. Please…please stay with me."

Tears dripped from my eyes and rolled down his neck to pool at the hollow of his throat. He didn't respond to either my voice or my touch.

I turned my face to lay my cheek against his. His heartbeat thudded faintly in my ear, and I could feel my own heart slow, as if trying to match his, beat for beat. I straightened slowly, and the room began to spin. A gray cloud swam across my vision.

I could vaguely feel myself falling as the gray faded to black.

NO! I screamed to myself. I can't lose consciousness now! Not when these could be the last minutes of Jacob's life…

I struggled to bring myself back down from the place I'd floated to in my mind, to hold off the blackness. I couldn't let it have me. I had to stay awake, just had to…

I could feel the pressure of many different cold, strong hands supporting me, lifting my feet off the ground. I reached down deep inside myself and tried to grasp the last bit of strength I had left. I shook my head slightly and slowly opened my eyes. The room was still spinning, and my head still felt like it was floating somewhere above my body. My father placed me gently in the chair that sat beside the bed where Jake lay.

"I'm okay," I whispered, and Alice handed me a glass of water while my mother patted my hair.

"Are you sure, sweetie? Maybe you should lie down again for awhile-"

"No, Mom, I'm fine. Really. I have to stay awake now." My eyes flickered to Jake's prone form, and she looked at me with sympathy and understanding in her eyes. My thoughts went back to the memory pictures I had just shared with my father and her, to the fact that Jake had always been there for me, always watching over me, making my safety and happiness his top priority. From the day I'd been born, he'd sacrificed all of his time and energy on me, putting everything else in his life on a back burner: his family, friends, and even his duty to his pack. Would he now make the ultimate sacrifice for me? Had he forfeited his own life to save mine?

A stab of grief coursed through me. No, this couldn't be the end for us. We had so much to look forward to; our lives had barely begun. We'd not had nearly enough time together since we'd fallen in love. And I'd wasted several of those months on childish jealousy and stupidity. My father reached over to rub my shoulder soothingly as he heard these thoughts and emotions spinning through my head. He hated it when I berated myself, but I knew that I deserved it.

My eyes filled as I tried to fathom a life without Jake. Impossible. I couldn't. He was so much a part of me now that I could actually feel my own body weakening in response to his deteriorating condition. I lowered my head and sobbed quietly.

After what seemed like an eternity, I heard my father gasp softly, and I jerked my head up quickly to see a strange gleam in his eyes. He was staring at Jacob. He narrowed his eyes in concentration for a moment, then took my hands in his.

"Nessie, Jacob is going to be all right," he said in a low, solemn voice. The gleam in his eyes had turned to hope.

"What-" I began, but he pressed a finger to my lips to silence me.

"I can hear him Nessie. He's starting to come around. He's still too weak to talk out loud, but he told me to tell you not to worry about him. He said that he loves you, and that he'll be back with you soon." A crooked smile played on his lips, and I couldn't help grinning back. If I knew Jacob, he'd most likely thrown some unsavory expletives in there as well, but my father would never relay that to me.

Then my smile faltered. "Are you sure Dad?"

Maybe he was just telling me this to make me feel better. But no, Dad would never lie to me, never intentionally get my hopes up just to see them crushed again.

"Yes, sweetheart, he's going to be fine. Like I said, Jacob is strong and heals fast. I wish I could give you an exact time frame on when he'll awaken" he glanced briefly at Alice, who stuck her tongue out at him "but that's not possible. I'm sure it won't be much longer. Just trust me. As soon as he awakens, we'll take you both out of here and get back on the plane and go home."

"Thank you Daddy!" I threw my arms around his neck, hugging him tight.

Then I rose slowly to stand beside Jake again. I leaned down to whisper in his ear.

"I love you too, Jake. Hurry up and come back to me."