Chapter Thirty One

Severus stood apprehensively outside his bedroom door. It was almost ten thirty; he had hoped she would have woken herself but it seemed that, not only was she very tired, she had also become a much deeper sleeper than she had been several months ago, for his coughs, throat-clearings and knocks at the door were receiving no response. He would really rather not go in; just having her in the house again was causing enough painful, wonderful memories. Seeing her in his bed would be too much.

And yet he could not ignore the fact that she had specifically told him to wake her; that she had a brat waiting for her. And he was not going to allow himself to get into a fight with her over something as trivial as being unable to waken her.

So, drawing in a breath, he pushed open the door and stuck his head around the side of it to look at the sleeping figure; and nearly laughed out loud at the sight. This certainly wasn't the elegant sleeping angel that he was used to seeing; she lay on her back, arms and hair lying in all directions, her mouth wide open with a definite glisten of drool slipping down one corner. Unable to help himself, he snorted in amusement which, surprisingly, was enough to rouse her.

Lily's eyes snapped open, landing on him. Her brow furrowed a little as her eyes tried to focus on him, "Sev?" she murmured, sleepily.

He finally stepped out from behind the door, taking a few steps towards her, "It is almost ten thirty."

She looked confused for a moment before realisation dawned; she sighed and let her head fall back against the pillow. She was silent for a moment before smiling up at him, "I can't remember the last time I had such a good sleep."

"It's only been four hours."

"I know," she said, shaking her head a little with a humourless smile. She reached up and felt the side of her mouth, en flushed and quickly wiped away the drool that had settled there with an embarrassed grin up at him.

Severus felt a smile tug at his lips but managed to successfully hide it from her. He swallowed, looking down at her, as she shifted about, straightened out the shirt she was wearing. He frowned a little, recognising it as one of his own. She looked up at him and then hesitated, looking slightly apprehensive.

"I…uh…I hope you don't mind," she looked down at the shirt, "I…"

"It's fine," he interrupted her. She smiled up at him again, her eyes holding a brightness that hadn't been there when he had come across her earlier, and he wanted nothing more that to kiss her. He looked away, awkwardly, back down at her and then turned around, "I'll let you get dressed." He thought he saw her nod as he reached the door but refused to look back at her; and made his way back down the stairs.

In the four hours or so since he had found her there had been so many thoughts in his mind that he was still unable to comprehend how he truly felt about the situation. Part of him was rejoicing; that her marriage to Potter obviously wasn't the nauseatingly happy picture he had imagined. That she had come back with him that day; that he was finally with her again, even if it was only as her friend. And yet, the idea that she was suffering, that she was unhappy wasn't a good one; he wanted her to be happy. And if the miserable woman he had come across at the river earlier that evening was what she had been reduced to; if the light in her eyes, her spirit was dying because of the mess she had gotten herself into then he wanted her out of it. Immediately.

He lifted the potion vial that he had set on the mantelpiece earlier that night, not long after she had went to sleep. She had mentioned that her baby was crying frequently; trust Potter to land her with a child as attention-seeking as himself. Draco Malfoy had been the same; though not for very long. Perhaps only a couple of weeks; but it was long enough for Lucius to beg him for a potion remedy to quell the boy's unnecessary tears. At first he had resisted; what did he know about babies, after all? But after more insistence from Lucius, he finally checked his mother's old potions cabinet where he came across a vial; one for baby colic. He hadn't given the Malfoys that particular vial; after all he had no idea how long it had been in the house. It was probably one his mother had made for him when hewas a baby.

Consequently, he spent a while of searching until he finally came across the instructions his mother had written and proceeded to make the potion. Typically, by the time it had brewed, Draco was already calming down and Narcissa only needed to use it once.

"Hey," Lily said, as she stepped into the room.

He looked over at her, noticing that she was once again wearing the dress he had found her in; though it had been scourgified to remove the mud that she had been sitting it. He noticed her glance curiously at the potion. He raised an eyebrow and took a step towards her, holding it out. She eyed it for a moment before taking it from him.

"What is it?" she lifted it, looking in at the liquid.

"It is a baby colic treatment," he answered. Her eyes snapped from the liquid to his, wide. He held her look for a moment as she slowly lowered the vial.

"Are you serious?" she muttered, looking down at it again. He almost laughed at the look of wonderment in her eyes.

"Yes," he said, seriously, "My mother created it. Perhaps I was also a fussy child."

She looked back up at him, the wonder still shining in her eyes, "I…how…did you make this? For me?"

He shook his head, looking at the wall, the door, anywhere but her; "I made it for the Malfoys; they have also recently had a son."

"I see," she said, quietly, looking at the potion again, "What…how does it work?"

He looked back at her, "I presume it has a calming influence on the child; I am not aware of the causes of brattiness in babies. I tested it prior to giving it to Lucius Malfoy; and Narcissa used it two months ago and neither she nor the baby have suffered any adverse side affects. Depending on your methods of…feeding; if you are using formula then two drops in the bottle will suffice. If you are using…another method, four drops in any liquid you consume an hour or so before feeding will be sufficient to ensure the baby receives enough to calm it."

She released a breath and closed her eyes, shaking her head, "God, I…I never even thought of a potion." She looked up at him, her eyes full. She stepped towards him, wrapping her arms around his neck, pulling him in close; "Thank you," she whispered.

He awkwardly returned her hug, suddenly feeling as if he were fifteen again and completely unsure how to respond to any physical contact with her. She drew back, looking up at him with a small, grateful smile.

"I am afraid that is the only vial I have," he said, managed to make himself sound unapproachable even to himself; he softened his tone, somewhat, "But I shall begin a new potion, if you wish. If your child is as…temperamental as you implied."

She gave a sheepish smile and looked down, tucking the vial into her pocket, "I would appreciate that very much."

He nodded, slowly, "Very well. It shall take a fortnight; if you come back then I will have it ready for you."

She looked up at him and smiled; her eyes sparking slightly, as if a weight had suddenly been lifted from her. He averted his eyes, uncomfortably. She reached over, gently squeezing his arm. He looked back at her.

"I…is it okay that I'm here, Severus?" she asked, uncertainly, "I mean…after everything…"

"I asked you here," he reminded her, for the second time that night.

"Yes but…well," she looked down, "It's not like you would have just left me…considering the state I was in."

He only looked at her for a moment, not sure how to respond. It was difficult, almost painful being around her; being reminded of what he once had. But he wanted to be; he couldn't help wanting to be near her; wanting to see her, touch her. Wanting to see her looking at him the way she was now. It was painful, it was hopeless and it was insane; but he knew she felt it too.

"You are always welcome here, Lily," he finally said.

She held his look for a moment before she smiled, softly. He saw her swallow and glance towards the clock; he followed her look; 10.50. She looked back at him and spoke quietly, "It's late. I should…"

He nodded, "Of course."

She kept still for a moment, standing in front of him. He bit his lip for a second, uncertainly. She sighed and stepped closer; she reached up, touching the side of his face and pressed her lips to his cheek; pressing them there longer than he deemed appropriate, but he kept still, allowing himself to breath in the scent of her, experience the warmth of her body so close to his.

After a few moments she moved back slightly, speaking quietly near his ear, "Goodnight, Sev."

She turned, not looking at him again, and made her way out the door. That familiar pain constricted in his heart as he watched her leave once again.

"Over there at the bar," Regulus nudged him, "The brunette; she's been looking at you all night."

Severus glanced over at the bar; sure enough there was a woman looking at him and, rather than looking away when he caught her eye, she gave him a flirty smile. His brow furrowed and he turned away; Regulus snorted beside him and shook his head.

"You've really got to lighten up," Regulus said, finishing off his drink, "When was the last time you had a good shag? January or something? Go over and say hello."

"No; I would rather not."

"Come on; you can't spend the rest of your life pining over Evans," he said, quietly.

"I am not pining," he spat.

"Could have fooled me," Regulus rolled his eyes, leaning back against the couch. Severus shot him a murderous look in response but said nothing. His mind was still on their impromptu meeting a couple of days before; and he was finding it even more difficult to keep her from his mind. He had finally gotten used to being without her; to imagining that he might just be able to get past all of it and then she had shown up and all the resolve he had managed to build over the months they were apart was thrown into the wind.

"Hi."

Severus noticeably jumped when the brunette from the bar sat down on the couch, moving in close to him. He glanced around and noticed Regulus had left from the company of some woman at the other side of the room. He sighed and looked back at her, irritated.

"I'm Susanne," she said, with a seductive smile.

He nodded, "Severus."

"Nice," she said, leaning in closer. And so began the uncomfortable small talk that Severus was only vaguely accustomed to; the kind that would eventually lead to an alleyway, a bush or, occasionally, a bed. It had been a while since he had bothered with the whole ritual; a long while. In fact, he hadn't ever done so in Britain; the several times he had done so had been when he was in New York. And no one knew who he was. He noticed Regulus glance over at him and grin; he rolled his eyes and shook his head.

The woman left and then returned a few moments later, four drinks in her hand. She handed a couple to him and kept the other two for herself; as the ritual continued. He allowed himself to glance over her as she babbled on about some thing or other; something about new wizarding fashions; about alcoholic beverages; about Hogwarts; and, inevitably, about the war. She was certainly attractive; in a Bellatrix Lestrange kind of way. Dark, seductive; everything Lily wasn't. He supposed it would do no harm; he allowed himself to comment occasionally on her points, her questions, her opinions. Just approachable enough to let her know he was interested, but nothing more.

By midnight he was becoming impatient; how long did he have to put up with her babbling before they could finally get to it?

As if reading his mind she leaned in, close to his ear, "Do you want to leave?" she murmured.

He said nothing; only leaned forward, pressing his lips insistently against hers; his tongue immediately forcing her lips to part. She responded eagerly and then stood, grabbing him by the hand and leading him towards the exit.

Moments later they were an the alley not two minutes from the building they had left; but he was past caring if anyone saw them. His lips went to hers, his hands immediately wherever they wished; their tongues moving together roughly. Him pushing against her forcefully, insistently; causing her to thump back up against the wall painfully. He had never touched Lily like this; would never even consider touching her so carelessly, caring only about his own desire. But this was not Lily.

And yet, her face came to him; her eyes, her lips, her hands. His movements slowed, became gentler, as she filled his mind. He kept his eyes closed, burying his face in her hair. Ignoring the murmurings threatening to break the spell. Touching her where he knew she liked; kissing her how she liked; whispering, murmuring things she wanted to hear. And then she froze.

"Who's Lily?"

Severus froze, as reality came back to him. He kept still, keeping himself close, "What?"

"You called me Lily."

Severus drew back as if scalded, "No I didn't."

"Yes you did. Is she your girlfriend or something?"

Severus had never felt so turned off in his life. He stepped back from the dark eyes, the woman before him; who didn't even come close to what he wanted. He turned sharply and strode down the alley.

Idiot.

Author's Note: The idea for the colic potion came from firsttimewriter; thanks again!