Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts or any of the characters related to Kingdom Hearts.

Chapter 35: Love

"Love?" Nihil looked confused at her slightly older partner in crime. "What is that?"

"Apparently it is an emotion."

They had just buried the third captain and were now the only two left, so it confused Nihil why the other would start to discuss exotic emotions that would never find a place in their isolated, sad world.

"What is so special about an emotion?" The young poisoner asked, all she knew were anger, hate and paranoia and they were definitely unpleasant feelings.

"It is said to be the very core of the light. An emotion so strong, that it makes the impossible possible by temporarily boosting all your willpower, endurance, and even in theory your strength, and the only consequence is a failing in judgment and a tendency to let your guard down around the person in question. Some theories say it is the most euphoric feeling in the worlds other theories say that it only brings misery in the end."

"An emotion that boosts your capabilities, makes some people high, and other just miserable - an extended exposure to it destroys your judgement and makes your foolish." Nihil thought the definition, she had just heard, over. "Sounds like a drug to me. Is all those that walk in the light on that thing?"

"According to the Master more or less, and he told me to warn you. The three knights that just have entered our realm apparently fight to protect the worlds they love. He says that it might make them stronger."

"Tsk!" Nihil shrugged. "Whatever. I'm still going to beat them."

"I wish you would wait. We are so close to figure out how to make a keyblade. Once that is completed I'll be able to be..."

"I don't care for you ambition." Nihilo snapped. "And I'm not going to lose."

Nihil disappeared in the green mass of her echoes. No way, she was going to lose to some fools who were motivated to fight by a ridicules drug like emotion.

"Would you love him?" Larxene asked while she was swirling around one of her knives. "If you had a heart of course..."

X'ero looked up from her poison bottles with knitted brows:

"Zexion?" She asked. "The question is irrelevant. If I had had a heart I would never have befriended him."

"Aw, you are no fun. I'm trying to gossip here." Larxene complained. "I didn't mean if you were that white haired bitch again. If you were you, you know X'ero, and had a heart then would you love him?"

"I can't say. I never experienced love when I was a living person so I only have a theoretic idea about what it is." X'ero looked suspicious at Larxene the way she had reformulated her question almost made X'ero think that Larxene knew something about Demyx's situation, but that was impossible. "Why do you ask?"

"It is a bit silly, but I have been thinking lately." The knife turned around in the air and fell with the pointy end downwards. Larxene caught it between two fingers. "I have been thinking what kind of relationship Marluxia and I would have had if we had had hearts."

"From what I saw you worked well together. I'm sure that would have been the case with or without hearts."

"I'm not so sure. I was more... mellow back then."

"I have a very hard time imaging that..."

"You know what I have a hard time imagining? Saïx and Axel being friends! Can you actually imagine those two hanging out?"

No, X'ero couldn't see how the ever serious Saïx had had the patience to deal with Axel's joking attitude, but Axel had a streak of ruthlessness hidden behind the cheery smile, perhaps that had bounded them together. Besides Saïx had only ever mentioned his hobbies never what he had worked with, X'ero could easily imagine it being less than legal.

"Ha." Larxene suddenly laughed. "You are looking so contemplating. Aren't you the one who usually says: 'Don't mess with my past and I won't mess with yours'? Or are you actually beginning to be interested in the people surrounding you?"

X'ero screwed the lid of the poison bottle on a little harder than she intended, irritated that Larxene had caught her in what X'ero meant was hypocrisy.

"I'm finished here." She said and pushed the bottles towards Larxene. "I have sealed a fire spell in a small pentagram and placed the paper just under the lid. When you screw on the lid like this..." X'ero made a describing notion with her hand. "The paper will tear and destroy the seal so the spell will be released and the bottle explodes."

"Cool. Now give them to me!" Larxene reached for the bottles, but X'ero automatically pulled them back. She was not sure she should just hand Larxene such a thing. X'ero had just recently realized that perhaps she should not just blindly add people in their conspiracies. Larxene was destructive enough to harm everyone, it might be a good idea to at least figure out what Larxene was up to.

"Hey, I'm not going to do anything bad with it. I promise. I won't harm you or Zexion."

"..."

"And I'm not going to do something stupid like attacking Xemnas."

Then what was she going to do? Despite her better judgement X'ero still pushed the bottles towards Larxene.

"Don't make me regret this."

Larxene just waved and disappeared with a big smirk on her lips. Left alone X'ero lay down on her bed with a frown and a terrible knot in her stomach. The premonition of destruction that Saïx's weird behaviour earlier that evening had awoken inside her, only gained in strength. She couldn't relax and was sure that she was going to get nightmares. Saïx, however, had hinted that it was important she was prepared for the mission the following day. The idea to go to Zexion suddenly hit her. When Zexion was around she was able to relax and fully let go of all her suspicions, she could sit for hours and just watch him work.

"Would you love him?"

Her frown deepened as Larxene's question was randomly repeated in her thoughts. It was a good thing she didn't had a heart because that was a question she did not want to deal with. X'ero turned in her bed and tugged the blanket up over her head. Emotion or not: It was never good to completely let her guard down. In the end X'ero never move out of her bed.

There was not one among the Nobodies who by now hadn't learned that undisguised rebellion would be punished hard, but the look on the faces of the active teams was as close to that particular sin as it was possible.

"Did I not make the order clear?" Saïx asked, mostly to break the silence.

"I think..." Luxord began. "I think I'm more ready to take a gamble with the wrath of Xemnas than to complete that order."

"Heard!" Larxene added while Demyx tried to sneak out of the room. X'ero flashed her disaster-smile and Xaldin had crossed his arms. The only one who seemed to be enjoying themselves was Xigbar who, as always, knew what was going on.

"No one leaves." The last bit was specifically directed to Demyx who had almost reached the door.

"But it is too hard..." Demyx complained. "How can you order us to begin an extermination of those keyblade thingies?"

Xigbar laughed.

"It is no big deal: The sweet little things just pulverize into tiny keys which you have to beat all before the monster resembles, and it is not like their attacks a super effective and light elemental."

Five pair of eyes turned their attention from Saïx to Xigbar. At least they weren't getting upset a Saïx anymore.

"Relax!" Saïx ordered. "It is not like you are supposed to go unprepared." He nodded as if he was signalling somebody, and a loud 'Kupo!´ was heard behind the group. The cloaked moogle jumped up and proudly dropped a bunch of rectangular metal figures on table. They were gloving with a faint light.

"Weapon upgrades." Xaldin stated. "Made partly from the materials we have been gathering..."

"As some of you know we secured one of the Key Hounds..." Saïx explained. "With the data from the monsters the laboratories has made an efficient shield against light based attacks..." Saïx stopped the explanation when he realized that all but X'ero was too busy playing with the new upgrade. X'ero noticed him looking at her.

"Funny how quickly the mood can change." She dryly said. She still seemed unhappy with the idea.

Saïx nodded:

"Childish minds are easily distracted."

Xigbar's sharp ears immediately caught the insult:

"Just because we don't have a life it doesn't mean that we can't live a little. But after your career discussion with the boss I understand why you are even more boring than usual."

"Don't you all have a mission to go on?" Saïx voice came close to a growl. No one dared to mess with Saïx when he used that tone and soon he and X'ero was the only one left in the room.

X'ero looked at him curiously and if he hadn't known better with a flicker of worry in her visible eye. Saïx turned away from her.

"It is not your business." He said. X'ero didn't argue with him.

Of all the worlds Saïx had to choose from, why had he chosen Port Royal? X'ero watched Saïx's back as he wordlessly led the way through the dark streets. Was this Saïx way of saying that what had happened in this world no longer mattered, that she could no longer think of trapping him the way she had done here? Saïx stopped abruptly. X'ero curiously looked forward to see what had caught his interest and saw a row of people hanging from the gallows, scavenger birds already ribbing the bodies apart.

"What a vulgar way of intimidation." X'ero shook her head in disgust as her eyes fell on one of the bodies that were too small to belong to that of an adult. "And it's completely useless method unless you are planning to make your enemy succumb to darkness in anger, and..."

"X'ero..." Saïx stopped her rambling. "You do not have to make up an excuse for finding this wrong."

X'ero was about to protest and say that it wasn't because she found it wrong, but stopped when she realized that she did find this act immoral.

"What is wrong with me?" She asked. "I used to believe in being completely ruthless."

It looked like Saïx was about to say something, but he changed his mind. Instead he just brushed the long side of her hair away from her face.

"So... " X'ero began. "Is it not time to tell me what is going on?"

"Axel seems to have left you other. Xigbar spotted him in this world. We need to track him down." Saïx looked at her. "Do you think that 'friend' of yours can trace him?"

"Tia Dalma? I'm not really sure that is a good idea." X'ero gave one more look to the hanging bodies. "But I do think we should get off this world."

Once more X'ero stood before the door leading into the hideout of the pirate witch. This time, however, she was not sure how she would be received. X'ero took a deep breath and prepared to knock on the door when it sprung open and she almost crashed with a pirate.

"Watch it lass. I got a very important jar of dirt here."

"...Sorry?"

The pirate scrutinized her a little closer.

"Haven't I seen those rags before? Perhaps if you took them off..."

Behind her X'ero could sense Saïx stepping closer.

"She is with me!" He said.

"Ay, mate. Relax!" The pirate properly sensed that now was a good time to scram and disappeared before Saïx could act on his unspoken threats. When the pirate was gone Saïx looked at X'ero disapproving:

"Stop attracting the weird types." He ordered.

"That was not my fault." X'ero stepped into the witch lair and found Tia Dalma sitting on her chair with a distant look in her eyes. "Tia Dalma?"

The other witch looked up and broke into a black smile:

"What a pleasure to see you again." She glared at Saïx. "You, I'm not so happy to see. It is your fault that I'm still here."

"Excuse me for not being a willing victim in weird sex-sacrifice rituals."

"I have apologized." X'ero said to him. "Tia Dalma, there might be one more of our kind in this world. Could you perhaps find out on which island?"

"Why should I help you? I believe we had an agreement which you did not stay true to." Tia Dalma circled around Saïx. "What can you possible give me now?"

Sensing that the last question was directed at him, Saïx removed his hood:

"We have munny..."

"I have no use for that, and this time I do not want a favour from my dark colleague. Because this is something you want, not X'ero."

"Then what do you want?"

Tia Dalma guided him to a chair and sat opposite him she shook a small bag and then dropped a bunch of small animal bones on a hide.

"You are pressured." Tia Dalma pointed at two bones that barely touched each other. "You have two paths left to follow. One is a path of shame and the other is a path that leads to your final demise." Her finger flowed to another bone constellation. "This signals..." Tia Dalma stopped and looked up at Saïx more interested. "I haven't though that about you." The witch's eyes looked past Saïx to X'ero. "It signals a darkness that you want to obtain, even if you know that it doesn't belong with you."

Saïx couldn't help but letting his eyes briefly crossed over X'ero as well. There was only so many things related to darkness that he was willing to do.

"I have no idea what you are talking about." At least X'ero seemed to have gone back to her oblivious state of mind.

"But I think you do." Tia Dalma nodded she gained a distant look in her eyes once more. "I have changed my mind." She said. "I sympathize with you and will help you. These bones symbolize a fire burning in a now empty treasure groove."

"A treasure groove? Luxord reported about that place. Let's go!"

Saïx grabbed X'ero and disappeared through a portal before she had time to interpret the reading.

They might be in a cave, but said cave had a lot of crevices that let in a lot of the moonlight, which wasn't good. He was going to be very limited in his movements. They found Axel in the main room of the cave where the cursed treasure had once stood before Sora had dropped it to the bottom of the ocean.

"So it is you." Axel said.

"You did not make a very good job out of hiding this time."

"Nah..." Axel shrugged. "Figured that I had enough of running, you know."

"This..." Saïx summoned his claymore and swung it behind himself to enter his fighting stance. "...is not some accidental meeting on another mission. You are my mission and you will not escape!"

"I'm flattered!" Axel stretched out his arms as the burning wheels appeared. "All that hostility directed at me personally."

"X'ero, do me a favour." Saïx requested. "Stay out of this."

X'ero looked at him and Saïx thought that she was going to deny his order, but she nodded and walked to the far end of the fighting barrier.

"So it is between you and me." Axel said. "Ten years ago I wouldn't have believed it."

"Ten years ago we were mere kids. People change." Saïx dashed at Axel. "You changed!" His sword slammed into the ground where Axel had been seconds ago.

Axel had leapt into the air to avoid the shockwave and threw a burning chakram at Saïx which Saïx easily dodged, by the time it returned Axel had merged with the scorching barrier while the ground under the feet of the diviner had gained a likeness with burning charcoal.

Saïx made sure to keep moving his feet to prevent his shoes from burning while he kept a close watch on the wall to see where Axel would emerge. The thought that the fire user might not play entirely fair crossed his mind and Saïx glanced backwards to convince himself that X'ero was unharmed. She had guarded herself with one of her reflect spells.

An increased heat on his right side warned Saïx of the danger and he jumped backwards just in time to avoid the attack. Because he had been caught off guard Saïx hadn't got the time to watch where he was jumping, and he too late discovered the yellow light falling on his skin and his claymore dropped to the floor. His self-awareness was quickly fading away to give place to the blinding rage he knew so well.

"Saïx!" X'ero's words and her hastened footsteps towards him somehow reach through the boiling anger and Saix was able to tear his body out of the moonshine. He felt X'ero supporting him as he struggled with his balance.

"Thanks whoever god that reside in this world." X'ero sighed. "I swear: You were see-through for moment there, but you feel solid enough." To be sure she poke him in the side.

"I'm fine." Saïx claimed as he re-summoned his weapon and purposely moved away from X'ero's touch.

"You were transparent. That can't be a good thing."

In a safe distance from them Axel laughed:

"Didn't Saïx tell you about this world?"

"He did mention disliking the moonlight here, but..." X'ero looked at Saïx nervously.

"The moon here has a special power to reveal what a person really is..." Saïx entered fighting position again. "I won't affect you or Axel because you're not attuned to the moon, but..."

"Wait a minute!" X'ero stepped in between Saïx and Axel. "Are you saying that the moon here literally turns you into nothing?"

"Yep!" Axel answered before Saïx. "It is hard to hold onto a weapon or hit anything when you aren't there, but do you know what the best part is, little Greenie?" X'ero narrowed her eye at the fire-user. She really did not appreciate nicknames. "Apparently magic still works on him, and I have a lot of spells burning to be released."

X'ero turned towards Saïx again:

"But your magic abilities are really weak!" She bluntly stated. "And even if you couldn't physically attack, you were still about to go berserk which mean you wouldn't be in control of your movements."

She looked around; judging the place of fight with new eyes and noting that the places where the moon shone through the crevices greatly outnumbered the shaded places. "You are too vulnerable here. Let me join the fight." X'ero didn't wait for his answer, but summoned her gloves.

"Two against one? That's not really fair." Axel said without seeming particularly threatened by X'ero.

"Like, you are one to talk! You purposely chose this area to weaken Saïx."

Axel shrugged:
"Guilty as charged."

X'ero clasped her hands together:

"Aer ..." Saïx quickly grabbed her hands so hard that the gloves dissolved:

"I told you to stay out of it!"

"But..." X'ero dragged her hand to herself and glared at Saïx. "You are being plain stupid right now." She said.

"Even if I am it is not your problem!"

"Yes, it is!"

"No, it isn't!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Ye...!"

A far too loud cough from Axel interrupted their very mature discussion.

"This is entertaining..." Axel said. "But I'm beginning to feel neglected over here."

X'ero tsk'ed and look at Saïx:

"We'll compromise." She said and summoned her gloves once more, but instead of attacking she concentrated and the dark gloves erupted into feathers as her orange eye grew darker. X'ero lifted her hands and the feather floated out and sought out a moonbeam each.

"I'll cancel the magic in the moonbeam." She mumbled and looked at Saïx with her now red eye. "I haven't affected the curse in you, though. So you should be able to attack with your full power."

A flaming chakram spun in the air towards X'ero, but she just nonchalantly lifted her right hand:

"Dark-reflect." She chanted and a dark blue sphere encircled her. The spinning wheel bounced off the barrier to its owner who grabbed it with an irritated look.

Saïx recognized the method of using darkness to enhance the spell from Nihil, but he had never seen X'ero use anything other than the dark-fire spell. To be frank he had not thought X'ero capable of tapping into the darkness like this without having one of her mental breakdowns.

"I think I have this under control." X'ero said with a hint of hesitation in her voice behind her barrier. "But just to be sure, don't take too long. I don't have unlimited magical energy in this form."

Saïx was still unsure. He knew that had to be a reason that X'ero normally avoided doing this.

"Just go and win that fight of yours." X'ero said when she sensed his hesitation. "I'll be fine."

Saïx tryingly put his hand inside one of the moonbeam. It remained solid. He summoned his claymore once more.

"Now you are going down!"

When two people of almost equal strength battles it all depend on the finesse and tactics, but when the same two people on the same time is well acquainted and knew style of the opponent it all depends on that small time frame when one of the fighters makes a tiny little mistake – unfortunately both Saïx and Axel was determined not to be the one to make that mistake. Axel made sure to constantly keep just out of reach of Saïx's claymore and on the other side Saïx made sure of dodging or deflecting the burning attacks sent his ways.

If someone had asked X'ero to describe the fight she would have said that there was a lot of fire from Axel and a lot of roaring from Saïx. Of course the darkness enchanted sphere that X'ero protected herself with, sort of obscured her view. Her sense of time had completely vanished, and the only measurement of some progression in the fight was her own awareness of the darkness that was slowly seeping through cracks in her mental barrier in the same speed her magical energy was failing. With them memories of bitterness were beginning to follow, but X'ero willed herself to ignore the pain. She owed Saïx this fight.

X'ero was getting tired. Saïx noticed it as his rage was depleted and he rushed by her once more. It was hard to see through the dark sphere, but from what he could see, she was looking pale. The fight was getting nowhere, he needed a plan. Anything would do. Axel had noticed his eyes movement:

"Don't tell me you are worried for you little girlfriend." He mockingly asked.

"...She's not my girlfriend..." Saïx paused. It was better not to go there. There was no way he was going to win a word battle with Axel. He never had. Saïx stopped his attacks as an idea hit him. If the problem was that they knew each other too well, then perhaps he could catch Axel off guard by acting opposite his instincts. "But I would like her to be." Saïx added as an afterthought.

"What?" Axel stopped up too, just out of reach of Saïx's weapon. "Did I hit you too hard on the head? Since when do you actually admit to liking someone?"

Saïx spread his arms his arms out in an indifferent gesture without letting go of his claymore.

"What is so wrong with liking... no loving someone?" Saïx inwardly cringed by his words. He was beginning to sound like Demyx, Saïx hoped that X'ero's barrier was soundproof. At least he couldn't be more opposite his usual self. He just hoped Axel was too focused on his words to see through his properly very bad acting.

"L...love?" Axel for once looked completely stumped. "Who the hell are you and what have you done with Saïx?" Axel was laughing.

"Nothing." His arms were still stretched out from his body and as unnoticeable as he was capable of Saïx twisted the wrist of his sword arm a little backwards. Seeing as Axel still looked confused Saïx took his chance and flung his claymore at Axel.

"Shit!" The weapon was not meant to be thrown and should be easy to avoid, but because Axel had been unprepared he had no other choice, but to jump over it since Saïx had aimed low. Saïx, however, had not wasted his time. He dashed after his weapon and grabbed Axel by collar and slammed him into the ground. Before Axel had time to get up Saïx lightly placed his foot on the other's throat.

"If you move something or I sense even the slightest change in the temperature, I'll l crush you under my foot like the bug you are."

"Bastard!" Axel gasped. With Saïx's foot on his throat he struggled for air. "Since when have you been playing mind games?"

"I know that usually was your role in our so called friendship, but since you are such a damn traitor I had to learn it myself." Having to deal with the hostility of Zexion and just... dealing with X'ero in general had also helped him developed a fondness of more alternative ways of getting rid of problems than just bashing them away.

"Saïx?" Behind him Saïx heard soft footstep and he felt X'ero stepping closer. "Can I reel in the darkness now?"

"Yes, the battle is over."

"Good..." The dark feathers gathered around X'ero again and disappeared as her eye returned to its normal orange colour and she stepped up beside him. "Not to meddle in something I'm not allowed to meddle in." X'ero looked at from Saïx to Axel. "But aren't we supposed to kill him?"

"I will! I just need to finish something."

"Okay." X'ero shrugged. "Just hurry up. I'm tired."

She did look extremely pale. Saïx placed his hand on her shoulder.

"Hang in there for a minute."

A strange sound erupted from his prisoner, and Saïx realized that Axel would be laughing if he had access to all the air he needed.

"I was wondering how you suddenly could lie so well, but now I see that it wasn't a lie."

Hearing where the conversation was headed Saïx increased the pressure from his foot.

"Shut up!" He growled.

X'ero shook her head in confusion.

"Of course it was a lie." She said. "You were just stupid enough to let it get to you."

Axel coughed:

"Did you not see how Saïx tensed when you stepped close? Did you not hear the worried tone in his voice?"

"That doesn't mean anything!" X'ero claimed. Saïx recognized the panicked undertone in her voice. It reminded him of the time when she had lost control in the hallway.

"Let me break it down so you can understand it." Axel said. "Saïx: Man. You: Woman. Man wants to fuck woman. It might not be love or anything emotional, but it is quite common, you know."

"NO!" It was one of the rare times where X'ero raised her voice. "It is all about using the body as a weapon. Saïx was interested in me because it, in some weird way I haven't understood, would harm Zexion, but it is over now: Saïx has seen what I'm capable off, and now Zexion is aware of it and it can no longer harm him. To quote you: Saïx would no longer gain anything from wanting to 'fuck' me."

The laughing sound erupted once more:

"I'm sorry to break it to you, Greenie, but attraction is not something you turn on and off at your own discretion, but if you doubt my honesty why don't you just have Saïx deny it."

As on cue X'ero turned to Saïx with glowing eyes.

"...X'ero, you are losing control." Saïx said.

X'ero glared at him then she spun around and marched out of the cave.

"I think you are in trouble." Axel said looking incredible smug for a man with a booth on his throat.

"And I think you are finished."

"Ha!" Axel looked him in the eye. "You and I both know that ain't happening."

The claymore on the ground disappeared and reappeared in Saïx hand.

Saïx found X'ero resting against the cave wall. She slowly opened her eyes.

"I'm sorry." She said. "That I reacted so strongly. Of course everything Axel said was a lie. I just... have a weaker mental stability when going into my limit break. My mind is a big mess right now."

"I've noticed."

"Let's get back." X'ero stood up.

"No. We need to talk about this."

"Now?"

"We won't get the chance later." Saïx suddenly placed his arms on either side of X'ero's head, trapping X'ero between them. "I wanted to trap you." Saïx said. "To bind you to me so that you would go down with me in case Zexion succeeded. But it didn't go that way..."

"Because I tried to run away?"

"No, because..." Saïx paused. "Because I'm no longer am sure what it is I want from you, but there is one thing I know I want - if just once." Saïx leant in closer. "Be with me for the rest of the night."

"I'm here right now."

"I'm talking about something that involves a lot less clothes."

"I promised Zexion never to use my body as a weapon again, and I really don't think letting you use my body as a weapon is a good idea either."

"This has nothing to do with using anyone as anything. I just want you." X'ero said nothing. "It is fine if you don't believe me."

"..." That was a bad silence.

"So what do you say?" His own lips hovered just above hers, so he once more could feel the tickling rush her breath falling on them. How could she not be affected?

"I still think Zexion would be against it no matter the reason."

Saïx pulled back. That was as clear as a rejection could be.

"Besides..." X'ero continued, lost in her own thoughts. "It is an unpleasant thing. Why should I submit myself to it for no reason?"

Saïx pulled his glove off and reached out once more to brush her hair away from her face.

"Does that feel unpleasant?"

"No. You do that all the time."

"Then what about this." This time Saïx brushed his bare finger over the corner X'ero's lips. "Is my touch really unpleasant?"

"No, but..."

"Have you ever done this without plotting to kill your partner on the same time?"

"No..." X'ero avoided his eyes. "And should that not be a good reason for you not to want this?"

"No, because you have been doing it all wrong." Saïx stated and wrapped and arm around X'ero to bring their bodies close together.

"I'm not sure this is..." X'ero whispered. She seemed confused, uncertain.

Saïx placed his finger on her lips.

"I'll stop." He said. "The moment it becomes unpleasant."

X'ero opened her mouth. Saïx had no idea if it was to protest or agree. He had finally enveloped her, tasting her skin and slowly beginning to remove their clothes, knowing that it at last was him that had control of the situation.

Ns: