You Are My Life Now.

Thanks to everyone for their great comments. Sorry to leave the last chapter on a bit of a cliffy...

Thanks to SM for the loan of her delicious characters.

Chapter THIRTY FIVE

Nothing not asound, not even a murmur comes from her. It is like she is dead only her heart is still beating. It has slowed down but is now less erratic. She no longer feels warm, she feels the same temperature as me, her skin not yet hardened though.

Carlisle does his best to calm me." Edward it has only been 24 hours, we know the change can take up to three full days. Please try to be calm for Bella's sake. I am sure she can hear what is going on." I haven't moved from her side since last night, I hold her hand, I talk to her non stop. Telling her about the babies. Surely if anything will bring some sort of response it will be news of our children.

Nothing, nada...Jasper still unable to get any sort of reading on how she is feeling. Alice tells me her vision of Bella being one of us is still the same but exactly the same as she saw it many months ago. She too cannot get a read on anything from the present. Its all very strange. Esme comforts me bringing the babies in the room, I need to hold and smell them. They both smell like my Bella, I hold them both to me and breathe in their essence. I feel immediately comforted. Elizabeth tells me not to worry because Mommy is sleeping. I thank Esme, she did the right thing the babies are just what I needed to bring me back to some sort of focus.

I had hunted before Bella was changed so I did not need to go again, Carlisle thought I should go out and hunt with Em and Jasper he thought the distraction would do me good. Did he not yet understand how I really feel about Bella. "I don't need a distraction" I tell him almost angry" I need Bella to show me a sign that she is okay and that she's going to come back to me." I say this last sentence in an almost sob.

Carlisle I know adores Esme, I wonder how he would feel if it were her now gong through this. I recall when he first changed her many years ago, he too had sat beside her bed and held her hand whilst she went through the physical change. The difference being Esme screamed and thrashed about for three whole days letting us know she was at the very least feeling something. Bella is giving me nothing. Knowing her like I do she probably won't want me to suffer hearing her scream in pain. She obviously doesn't realise I am suffering even more now not knowing.

On day three Carlisle is confident there will be some sign. Her heart is still beating. Her heart rate now much too low for a human to be safe with. My family try to make me feel better by telling me she is looking more like one of us. She has always been pale I cannot yet see any difference.

The three full days are now over, there has been no change in Bella's condition. Carlisle monitors her heart, it is still beating. Some progress perhaps is that he can no longer penetrate her skin to take a blood sample. Jasper tells me he longer feels the need to eat her, her blood or whatever is now running through her veins no longer tempting him. "Why isn't she waking up, why has her heart not stopped beating yet" I ask.

No one can answer me no one knows the answer. Carlisle has spent many hours re reading his research. After each one of us were changed by him he kept a detailed record of all events and used this for future transformations. He has found nothing eluding to Bella's current condition.

Five days in, I am a mess. I do now need to feed, but I am determined to not leave her. I love her so much I cannot leave incase there is a sign. I just can't. My only light these dark days are my children. They give me hope, they love me unconditionally without them I would cease to be. Esme makes sure I see them everyday knowing they are my lifeline so to speak. When I do see them I just hold them taking in their scent. It reminds me so much of my Bella.

I talk to Bella all time telling her about all the changes in the babies she is missing. I plead with her to come back to me, all to no avail. Her heartbeat now even slower, her skin harder. Even I can now see the subtle changes everyone else told me were there. Nothing significant. Her childhood scars gone, her C section scar gone, her skin always pale and lovely now flawless too like porcelain. There would be no more blushing. I would really miss that about her.

After twelve long days and nights I finally agree to go hunt. I refuse flatly to going far and insist the Olympic Mountain range will have to do. I am back within the hour. Nothing has happened in my absence. Alice has sat with Bella, talking non stop no doubt about shopping. A small smile comes to my lips, no wonder she hasn't woken up I think to myself.

I really don't know how many more days I can take, I am even more of a wreck as every day passes without any progress. Bella's heart rate now only about twenty beats per minute. She would not survive as a human at this level. Carlisle tells me this is good as her body is gradually accepting the changes. I'm not convinced. She hasn't eaten for twelve days, Carlisle has had to find a way to penetrate her skin and give her fluids. We had a healthy discussion about what we should hydrate her with. We have gone with animal blood, neither of us know if it is helping her.

Esme and Rose are at Charlie's with the babies. He is starting to ask questions about why Bella hasn't called when she promised she would. They want me to speak to him. I think this is the wrong thing to do. Charlie knows that where I am Bella will be and vice versus. If I call him he will insist on speaking to Bella and that is not possible. We decide to put him off a while longer. I prey everyday that today will be the day.

Day seventeen, I have lost the will to live. I cannot survive without her anymore. She has continued to drop her heart beat every day. It is now down to six beats per minute. I am laid next to her, her head on my chest. Its her favourite sleeping position and it means I can be close to her too. I am stroking her hair talking about the babies and their visit to see 'pop' when I realise her heart is faltering altogether.

Carlisle is at my side in seconds when I make him aware of the change. "This is it Edward" he says confidently. Her heart finally stops beating and we wait for her to open her eyes, and we wait and we wait... nothing. Now Bella does appear dead. No heart beat, no pupil response nothing. In a daze I walk out of the room. I walk down the stairs from our apartment, I leave the house and walk into the forest. I need to get away. Jasper is on my tail. "Edward calm down nothing good will come of you over reacting." he says from behind me.

"Over reacting, over reacting" I scream at him. "Have you just lost the love of your life, have you just lost the reason for your very existence. No Jazz you haven't so please do not tell me how to react." I set off running at speed, I can feel Jasper does not follow me.

The wind and rain coursing through my hair feels good. It is a while since I have released so much energy. About six miles out I stop. I fall to my knees and sob dry tears not even venom tears will fall. I am a broken man. I don't know what to do. Part of me wants to end my existence now but part of me feels for my children. Can I live everyday looking at my children seeing her eyes in Anthony's seeing her hair and smile on Elizabeth. I just don't think I am strong enough to do it.

I sit not knowing how long I have being doing so. Whatever I decide I need to include my family in my decision.

I slowly make my way back towards home. Ambling along at human pace gives me time to think. I think about how happy I have been since meeting Bella. I never knew falling in love could feel like this. Finding your one true mate is an experience I will never ever forget. Our physical love so intense so perfect it almost blows my mind just remembering how it felt. I would do anything, anything to be able to have all that with my Bella again.

An image flies into my head. Alice telling me to get home as quick as I can.

I want to set off at speed so I'm there in super quick time but part of me is a coward and wants to hang back incase the news is bad. "Be strong" I tell myself.

I'm walking through the door a few minutes later. Everyone is upstairs. I go up at vampire speed. In our bedroom everyone is stood around our bed. Carlisle beckons me over. "Edward come here son. Your wife is stirring."

Venom tears now do pool in my eyes. She is coming round, she is stirring. I hold her hand and take my place at the side of the bed. I'm on my knees gazing at her. She squeezes my hand, I almost die I'm so happy. "Bella, Bella love I'm here can you hear me love. Please come back to me and the babies."

I kiss her hand and when look back into her face her eyes are open and she is looking at me. There is wonder and awe in her eyes. She is seeing me through her vampire eyes for the first time. A small smile comes to her lips. She reaches over and touches her hand to my face. She leans in for a kiss. I think I have died and gone to heaven. I smother her in my arms crying, "Bella Oh Bella".

My family cough behind us. I get up from my knees and sit with her in my arms. My lips in her hair. She says hi to everyone, tells everyone she feels fine. No she is not thirsty. Jazz is having a dicky fit he cannot understand why she is so calm. A newborn vampire should be craving blood right now. Carlisle assumes the blood he has been giving her intravenously has helped. They leave us alone for a few minutes they know I need to hold her, to see her, to really believe she is back.

We lay in each others arms. Languishing in the feel of each other. "Can I kiss you Mrs Cullen?" I ask her.

She laughs 'that's what I'm waiting for Edward'

I kiss her properly for the first time. I don't hold back I don't need to now. I devour her mouth with mine. I hold her tight grinding into her. I cannot wait to make love to my new vampire wife. I let my mouth move over her face, down her neck. She breathes and says in a very sexy voice, " you've been holding out on me Cullen". I laugh explaining "it was rather necessary at the time".

I help her up it has been eighteen days since I bit her, eighteen days in purgatory for me and now I am in heaven. She stands by my side, Alice has changed her into a rather non Bella dress. I can see her nose crinkle in distaste. She walks to our dressing room and get changed into something more Bella.

We walk downstairs hand in hand, our eyes never leaving each other. Alice rolls her eyes seeing Bella in jeans and a t shirt. Everyone is eager to chat. Carlisle wanting to know how she felt during the change. Bella simply tells him 'The pain was really bad but closing it off from my mind made it more bearable." She told us she did hear all our words she told me off for being so upset but forgave me for bringing the babies to see her everyday. "My babies" she whispers.

She insists she isn't thirsty and asks that we consider her being allowed to be near the babies to see how she reacts. I am willing to try, I have a feeling Bella is going to surprise us all.

She rings Charlie who is thrilled to speak to her. He doesn't even mention that she sounds different or ask why she has taken so long to call. Esme brings the babies into the next room. Bella doesn't even react. She knows they are there she can now hear their lovely little gurgles. I beckon Esme forward slowly. Jasper and Emmett on hand to intercede if required. Bella smiles as they enter the room. Still holding my hand she drags me forward I caution her with a "Bella"

"I'm okay Edward really, I don't feel like drinking from them in the slightest." She shrugs "I don't now why I don't care about blood but I don't really."

I nod and allow her to walk right up to them. Elizabeth puts her arms up to be held. I take her in my arms. Anthony does the same with Bella, she takes him into her arms gently. I move closer now as she nuzzles her face into his hair and neck. "My babies she says laughing putting her other around Elizabeth and me.

My family are stunned. Never before have we encountered a new born vampire with so much control. Everyone keeps asking her about her thirst she shakes her head. "I want to hunt with my husband the first time I do, I'll let you know when I need to go." she says this simply.

The rest of the day is bliss. Anthony's now on a full blood diet, Elizabeth now has half and half. Both a re thriving. We bathe them and get them ready for bed both now sleep from 21.00 hours to 08.00 hours the next day. Human parents dream babies. It will give Bella and I much needed to time to re connect.

Making sure she does not need to hunt we head to our room. I can't believe I'm actually nervous, more nervous even than making love to Bella for the very first time. We take our time undressing each other, she is quite breathtaking. Every inch of her perfection, sculptured, exquisite and mine all mine. She stands back to look at me, admiring my physique. She licks her lips as she looks at my now pulsing erection. Not wanting to waste a minute I have her flat on her back in a second. I enter her without any foreplay for the first time. She is ready for me, wet and throbbing already. I groan into her mouth as I drive into her as if my life depended on it. This first vampire coupling will be swift. Eighteen days without making love to my wife taking its toll on me. She matches me thrust for thrust. Even at vampire speed the feeling of our coupling reaches dizzy new heights. We explode together screaming, riding out our orgasms in a frenzy of deep deep thrusts.

We just lie there in each others arms. "I love you Bella Cullen "I say kissing her lips gently. "I am so happy that you have come back to me. I was so worried bella you have no idea."

"I do know Edward I heard every word of your pain, I think I even felt some of your pain. If I could have given you a sign without you being even more upset over my pain I would have. I hated feeling you going through that baby."

Dawn brings movement outside our bedroom door. Alice wants us to go hunting with her and Jazz. I look at Bella and silently ask her what she wants to do. She's up and off the bed in a flash. 'Come on then Cullen teach me how to hunt."