DISCLAIMER: The Twilight universe belongs to Stephanie Meyer

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Here's another chapter for you wonderful people! Please read and review. You guys have been amazing! I have 267 reviews! Can you make it to 300?

-BPOV-

"She wants me to move back?" I croaked.

Charlie nodded curtly.

"You don't have to leave Bella." he remarked suddenly. "I told her you were doing good here but she wants to talk to you."

I just stared into space.

I had begun to move on. All those days that I had wished that I could find myself amid all of the sorrow so that I could be happy in the present had become reality without me even realizing it. Edward and I were making real progress and I had hardly any more nightmares now. I had been able to look at a picture of Zach just earlier today.

I had made some real friends. I had people who were willing to protect me, who already thought of me as family. I remembered Emmett shielding me from the advances of Mike, and making me laugh with all of his "operations." I remembered Alice dragging me shopping with her almost every weekend since I had arrived, a memory that I never thought I would look back on with any fondness but I couldn't deny the pain it caused me to think of leaving them. Even Jasper had remarked about how he thought of me as the sister he never had, earning him a smack over the head from Rosalie. I would even miss Rosalie.

And I could not bear the thought of leaving Charlie after all that we had been through together. I had been thrown into this house with a stranger but it was a father who choked out that he couldn't lose me at the hospital and it was a father who sat, fussing over me, upon my return. It was my father who had swooned over my cooking, even when it was nothing special, and it was my father who had painstakingly tried to get to know me no matter how awkward it was for him. And I knew it was my dad who was looking at me now with hopeful eyes, silently asking me not to leave him.

I knew I was missing the most significantly influential person but I could not even bring myself to think of him. He had become my savior. From that very first day at the restaurant in Seattle when he had sat beside me, hugging me, while I cried he had become the keeper of my pain. He had saved me from myself countless times; from my nightmares, my memories, and even my own guilt.

"Can we talk about this tomorrow?" I asked numbly.

Charlie nodded gruffly.

I trudged up the stairs to my room. I was almost to the top before I heard Charlie's whispers; they were so low I was sure he hadn't even meant for me to hear them.

"I love you baby."

I only managed to close my door before I slid down the other side and sat on the floor weeping for everything I had gained simply to lose it again.

---

I don't know when I had managed to fall asleep but it wasn't a deep sleep and it didn't last long before my alarm clock went off. I slapped my hand over it and sat up. I was still sitting on the floor where I had cried myself to sleep last night. It was a Saturday and usually this would mean I would spend the morning shopping with Alice, the reason my alarm was set for such a god awful time, and then I would spend the rest of the day with Edward in our meadow. It had become our tradition for Saturdays, even more a routine than cartoons had once been on Saturday mornings. I couldn't see Alice right now, and I couldn't even think of seeing Edward. I needed to talk to Charlie.

"Hey Dad." I croaked out. My throat was sore from crying all night and I had yet to look in the mirror but I could feel the bags under my eyes.

Charlie looked up at me with a grim expression that he tried to pass of as a smile. There were empty coffee mugs on the table beside him and he was wearing the same cloths as he had been last night.

"Did you get any sleep last night?" I asked him.

He looked back down at the table and shrugged.

"There was a lot to think about." He sighed.

I nodded although he wasn't looking at me and grabbed a cup of coffee for myself, sitting down beside him.

"Have you talked to Mom again?"

He shook his head.

"She'll probably be calling again soon enough though." He looked at me for a second before running a had over his face. "Do you know what you're going to do?"

I thought for a moment, but even that took great effort. I finally sighed and shook my head. I honestly had no idea what I should do. I knew without a doubt what I wanted to do but what I should do and what I wanted were often two different things. My mother had raised m e. she had seen me through some rough times and I knew she had gone through her fair share of them herself.

She had been through hell and back when my brother died and I had tried to be there for her. I had tried so hard to ignore my own pain so I could strong for her but she had sent me away. I had gone with no arguments because I knew being away would be more help to her than remaining ever would. There again I had had to set my pain aside and do what was best for her. I wanted so desperately tot do what was right for me for once, to be here where I had finally given up ignoring my pain so that I could work through it and I wanted to remain with the people who had made the journey with me.

But another more logical side reminded me that I had been unable to help my mother thus far and to refuse her when she finally decided she could be around me again was cruel. I would have to push my wishes aside and help her heal. I knew I needed to do this but the remorse over my wishes made my head ach.

"I think I'll call her." I finally decided.

Charlie nodded and stood up from the table.

"I have to go down to the station. They called this morning but… I wanted to be here when you woke up."

I bit my lip as I thought of Charlie working on no sleep but after gagging his actions for a moment I decided he would be fine and I nodded.

The phone rand once. Twice. Three times before I heard Renee's voice come drifting to me all the way from Arizona. I sighed and closed my eyes. I hadn't realized how much I missed her until I heard her voice.

"Hello?"

"Hey Mom." I whispered. I suddenly had a lump in my throat.

"Hey baby!" Renee exclaimed as she realized it was me.

Renee had always been full of energy and exuberance before Zach's accident and her voice brought up memories of a happy childhood, a short lived childhood but one filled with sunshine and laughter non the less.

"Charlie said you called…" I prompted her. I was hoping she would take it from there because I wasn't sure if I would even be able to find my voice after we had broached that topic.

"Oh. Yes. I did. I moved to Jacksonville hun! Isn't that great?!"

I nearly let the phone slip from my fingers. She moved? Without even telling me? What if I had wanted to send her one of those edible bouquet baskets or something? I didn't of course but it was something to take into consideration. Besides, I loved that house. Not so much the house itself I suppose as much as I loved the cactus in the front yard or the way the sun shined through the stained glass window in the kitchen. Or the memories of Zach standing in my doorway chuckling as he caught me dancing in front of my mirror, singing into my hairbrush.

"Hello?" Renee sounded.

"I'm here."

My tone was monosyllabic but Renee didn't seem to notice.

"You're going to love Jacksonville Baby! There's a yard and you'll have your own bathroom and there's plenty of sunshine."

"How could you move?" I choked out before I could stop the words from leaving my mouth.

I heard my mother sigh deeply into the phone. It was the first time in our conversation that she had let how truly tired she felt find its way to my ears.

"I couldn't do it Bella." she whispered. "I couldn't surround myself with the memories any more."

"But not all of the memories were bad." I proclaimed.

"What do you mean?"

I had thought it was so obvious but now that I had to explain it I was at a lose for words.

"Remembering Zach isn't a bad thing if you remember there was a before."

The only thing I heard for an immeasurable moment was the static of a silent phone line.

"Mom?"

"I'm not strong like you Bella."

I sighed and rubbed the heels of my hands into my tired eyes. She thought I was strong? I had been desolate when I had first arrived in the little town of Forks, completely inconsolable, or so I had thought. How could she have not seen that? How could she have not seen the way my eyes dimmed, the way the glazed over and were constantly searching for a time in the past or the future bet were never truly focused on the present? How had she failed to see all of the life draining from my expressions and would she even recognize the person I have become?

"I wasn't strong either." I notified her. "It took me a long time to remember the before so that I could live my life in the present."

I heard a muffled cry and my heart tore a little but I knew that after everything I had been through, worked through, it would never be utterly obliterated again.

"I can't do it Bella. I'm happy here in Jacksonville."

"Are you happy?" I countered.

She took a moment to contemplate her response before answering me.

"Yes." She told me as if she had just realized the truth in her statement.

"As happy as is possible since…" she cleared her throat. "But yes. I am happy."

I smiled for the first time since last night. She was working through this at her own pace, in her own way but I knew I needed to be completely open with her.

"I'm not happy to live like the past never happened Mom. It's a part of me."

I held my breath unintentionally as I awaited her response. I had not the slightest clue how she would react but I knew this would never work if she didn't understand what had happened to me while I was here. I was not the same person she had sent away nearly a year ago.

"When did you get so wise?" she asked and I was so relieved that I laughed just a little bit.

"You are happy there, aren't you?" she asked. "Charlie said you had changed, that you were… better. Or getting better at least but"

"I am getting better." I assured her and I knew there was no way she could deny that.

"Are you happy in Forks?" she asked, not satisfied with my last responses.

I took a deep breath and answered her.

"Yes. I am." I answered honestly. "I can move to Jacksonville with you though. It's no problem." I lied.

I couldn't help the grief that swept into my voice at the end but I swallowed it down as I sis what I knew was right for my mother.

"We will get through this together." I promised reassuringly as I squeezed my eyes shut.

I was so thankful that Renee was not standing here in this kitchen, still with the yellow cupboards she had painted herself so long ago. Because it would be too much for her to have to see me attempting to keep my tears at bay simply at the mere thought of leaving this place.

"It seems as if you are already getting through this Baby."

I let one tear trickle down my cheek and I let out a forced shaky laugh. Why was she making this more difficult than it already was?

"So I'll have a head start." I teased pitifully.

"I don't want you to come to Jacksonville Isabella." She informed me resolutely, surprising me.

"But Mom, you need"

"I need you to be happy." she interrupted me. "You can't always be here to protect me hun. Besides, I think I'm doing okay."

"Mom."

She didn't let me finish though.

"Alright." She sighed. "Don't beg. It's truly shameful my dear." She teased.

"You can stay in Forks under one condition."

She sounded genuine but I couldn't be sure of her willingness because as we had already established I did not get my horrible acting/lying skills from my mother.

"What's the condition?" I asked in shock.

"You have to e-mail me at least once every few days. I want a phone call every week and I want you to come visit me in a few months when school ends."

"That's more than one condition." I chided her playfully, unable to contain my happiness.

Renee laughed. It wasn't as cheerful and full of life as it had once been but it was still there.

"I love you Bella."

"I love you too Mom." I told her with feeling. "Are you sure you don't want me to come out there?"

I knew I was pushing my luck but I would never be able to stay unless I knew she was really okay.

"I'm sure. I have to do some things on my own ya know."

As I hung up I smiled brilliantly. I couldn't believe I had been blessed with so many wonderful people in my life. Renee was not healing at the same pace that I was but her progress was evident. A euphoric laugh bubbled up in me as I relished in the rare feeling of knowing everything in this one moment at least was absolutely the way it was supposed to be.

I grabbed the phone and dialed a familiar number.

"Hello Love" Edward picked up on the second ring.

"Hey Edward, can you tell Alice I need to cancel our shopping plans for this morning?"

Edward chuckled.

"You're in high spirits for someone who just uttered her own death wish."

I smirked.

"I have an excuse and tell her I'll make it up to her. I promise."

I cringed as I thought of all the possible ways she could ask me to repay her. I could just see my entire wardrobe going up in smoke now.

"And can you come get me?" I asked. "I need to go talk to my dad."

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Only one more chapter and the epilog! I can't believe it! Please read and review so that I can post the last chapter. I want some reviews before I post it. Thanks!