Ever since they'd sent Grodd off to Earth 2, things between Barry and Caitlin had been uneasy. They might have made up, or apologised, but there was still a lot that had been left unsaid between the two of them. And though it didn't affect their work-they'd still managed to sort out Savage as well as that pesky nuisance the Riddler- the easiness with which they had once worked together was gone, or was buried. It frustrated them both, and it was annoying the hell out of everyone else. It was this last part that had led to them both being told not to go into work-even if it was a Saturday- and that was how they'd found themselves in Caitlin's apartment, looking at one another, but not speaking. Until of course, as was par for course, Barry spoke, voicing something he'd long been thinking about.
"You know Zoom is going to come back here. He's not done with me yet, and when he does come back I'm going to have to face him. Regardless of what you or Jay think." Barry says, hating how his voice sounds petulant whenever he thinks or speaks of Jay.
Caitlin looks at Barry, wondering how he could be both so endearing and frustrating at the same time. Keeping her voice as calm as possible she replies. "I know." She wants to say more, but she gets the feeling that Barry has a lot to say, and in her experience, it's best to just let him say it.
Barry is surprised by how easily Caitlin accepts his statement, and so cautiously he says. "And if that's going to be an issue for you, I think it might be best if you sit this one out."
Caitlin knows Barry means well, but the way he phrases that last part of his response irks her, forces her to respond. "So is that all I am to you then Barry? Your physician?"
It takes him a moment to realise how that must have sounded, and when he does he closes his eyes briefly and curses himself. "No, you mean more to me than that Cait. You're my friend, my confidant…" he trails off slightly here, not wanting to say something that might not be reciprocated. "I…I just know that me fighting Zoom isn't going to sit well with you, and I thought that if you didn't want to the pain of watching me fight, and as you seem to believe, getting beaten, then you might want to sit this one out."
Caitlin sighs. "Barry it's not that I think you'll get beaten, it's just that I've been speaking with Jay and."
Barry interrupts her then. "Jay? Where is he? Has he decided to show his face again?"
Caitlin gives Barry a pointed look and continues. "I've been speaking with him, and he told me that the reason he lost his speed was because Zoom literally stole it from him. He's not sure how he did it, but he managed to do it. Furthermore, if someone like Jay who knows a bit more about the Speedforce and how to use than you do, thinks Zoom is something of a threat that might need to be treated with caution, surely we should listen to him?"
On some level Barry knows that Caitlin is right-when is she not? - but the thought of her having spoken to Jay behind his back irks him. "I don't know if you've noticed or not Cait, but Jay hasn't shown his face here in nearly a month. In that time, we've learned more about Earth 2 and Zoom than we did when Jay was here. Jay ran when Zoom came calling, he ran to save his own skin, and I'm not sure why he would do that if he wanted to stop him."
"He didn't run Barry, he said he wouldn't help you get yourself killed. And frankly, I agree with him." Caitlin replies sharply.
His anger grows then, but Barry tries to fight it, to dampen it. Struggling to keep his voice calm, he responds. "Of course you agree with him. You've always agreed with him, about everything. You've never given him a hard time; you've never scolded him about anything. No, it's always Jay this, Jay that. Well if you care so much about him, why don't you just go and join him." Barry knows he sounds childish, but right now he doesn't care, he's fed up and frustrated about hearing about Jay's virtues, and being made to feel as if he is lacking.
Caitlin listens to Barry, and feels shock grow within her. Surely Barry doesn't think she prefers Jay over him? She loves-and yes she's not afraid to admit that now- she loves Barry with everything she has, surely he sees that? Surely it's been made obvious in their touches, their kisses, their everything? Looking at Barry now though it dawns on her that perhaps Barry's hurting on more than one level, and perhaps she might have done something to contribute to that. Tentatively, she moves toward him, placing a hand on his cheek. "Barry," she says softly. "I don't value Jay more than you. I like Jay, but he's not you, he could never be you. I'm merely saying that we should listen to him as he's fought Zoom for a whole year, and we've only thought Zoom once."
Barry leans into Caitlin's touch, he's missed that, missed having her this close, and he sighs. "I know." He admits reluctantly. "It's just that every time you mention him I feel as if you're comparing the two of us, and you're finding me lacking. I'm not as tall as him, I'm not as muscular as him, hell I'm not as smart or as quick thinking as him, I'm certainly not as cautious as him. It's just hard for me, and I'm sorry for snapping at you. I didn't mean to. I…" he trails off then because Caitlin's put a finger to his mouth.
"Barry, I want you to know that I've never compared the two of you, never. Jay might be all those things you listed, he might be handsome, but he's not you. He's not the guy who made me laugh when I felt down, he's not the guy who went singing with me, he's not the guy who I share movie night with. He's not you. You're the only Scarlet Speedster for me." Caitlin says, and then she adds. "But I don't like you treating me as if I'm just some spare, only good for the team and nothing else."
Barry wants to protest, but his heart is hammering in his chest, and he hesitates, he really hesitates here. Eventually, he takes Caitlin's finger and her hand and keeps it enclosed in his, he looks at her and responds. "I'm sorry for that Cait, truly I am. I never wanted you to feel like that. I treasure you as a friend, as a colleague and as so much more. I want to be friends with you outside of Star Labs, and away from all the craziness. I want to be so much more than friends, but I'm scared. I'm scared of what might happen should we go that far. I'm scared Zoom, or Cobalt Blue, or whoever, might use that against me, and I could never stand to let something happen to you."
Caitlin listens intently to what Barry has to say, once he stops speaking, she speaks. "But surely it is my call as well as yours Barry? I care for you as well, and I know full well what I'm getting myself into. I know the dangers that we face, and I want to face them by your side. I want to be there for you, with you, when we face down whatever shit Zoom throws at us. Because we're a team, we always have been." She looks up into Barry's eyes, and the expression she sees there gives her hope.
Barry thinks on what Caitlin has said, his heart hammering furiously in his chest, he takes their still joined hands and places them over his hammering heart, looking at Caitlin as he does so. He swallows and then replies. "Alright, I'm willing to give this a chance if you are Dr Snow." He grins and she smiles.
"I am, Mr Allen." Caitlin replies, her heart hammering just as quickly as Barry's is.