AN/ Sirius and Remus get a chapter to themselves this week. Don't worry our usual Sev and James broadcast will resume next week ^_^

Chapter 38

Hogwarts

December 1

Sirius wiggled closer to Remus so he could rest his chin on Remus's arm. Most of their dorm mates had already gone to bed, and they had been quietly cuddling as they studied; however, Sirius was getting tired of reading and was looking to get a little more attention. Remus didn't seem to notice Sirius's movement, so Sirius moved his face to the back of Remus's neck so he could nuzzle it.

This pulled Remus from his reading enough that he looked over his shoulder at Sirius. "Yes?" Sirius smiled and moved up and softly kissed Remus, but when he tried to deepen it, Remus pulled away. "Let me finish this chapter."

Sirius let out a sigh and nodded as he rolled over and laid back down. Remus enjoyed touching and kissing, but they still hadn't actually had sex yet. Only one out of three initiations would lead to Sirius getting off, but it was never quite what he wanted.

At first, he had been happy with it, but after he had taken the potion, Remus was more likely to refuse. He was never mean about it, and always had a good reason to refuse, but Sirius was starting to feel more than a little put out by his boyfriend.

Maybe I just being needy. I am kinda needy. Okay I am really needy. I mean last year I was getting sex at least once a week. I'm just not used to this yet. I just need to relax a little and let Remus go at his own pace. I shouldn't be so pushy… I just want kisses… and maybe a hand job… or for him to push me down and ride me.

Sirius repressed his little whimpers at the thought of finally getting Remus to let go and take him. He loved every little touch Remus gave him, so naturally Sirius was eager to feel what it was like to finally go all the way, but he was starting to wonder if Remus felt it as strongly as he did. Maybe he isn't sure? Maybe he just doesn't feel the same way as I do.

A small sad sigh left Sirius as the thought hung in his mind. "I'm almost done," whispered Remus in an amused tone, unaware of Sirius's glum thoughts. Sirius rolled over so he was facing Remus's back, and started tugging and playing with Remus's shirt. He wasn't truly trying to get Remus's attention, it was more about distracting himself from his own thoughts.

After a few moments of this, Remus put his book away and rolled over to wrap an arm around Sirius. "You have my attention now," whispered Remus since they hadn't put a silencing spell around his bed.

Sirius nuzzled Remus's neck before giving it a soft nip. "I want to have sex," whispered Sirius. "We have condoms and lube now. Please. I really want you inside me."

"Siri," sighed Remus. "I'm not really sure that is a good idea. I mean… can't I just get you off like normal?"

Make it sound more like a chore why don't'cha, Sirius just sighed and rolled over. "Never mind then. There isn't any point if you don't actually want to do anything."

"I never said that Sirius," sighed Remus as he wrapped an arm around Sirius's waist and rested his chin on top of Sirius's head. "I'm just… a little uneasy about going all the way, and… you're being a little grumpy. Have you taken your potion for this month?"

"I get it from Pomfrey tomorrow," mumbled Sirius. Maybe that is it. We'll see how I feel after my potion.

"You'll feel better tomorrow," reassured Remus. Sirius didn't say or do anything as he just stared ahead to his own empty bed. He felt Remus's hand move from his stomach to his crotch and squeeze him lightly through his pajama bottoms.

Sirius felt his face heat up, but his annoyance was stronger as he tugged Remus's hand away from his dick. "I'm not in the mood anymore."

"You're… not in the mood? You just asked me for sex."

"And you said no."

"Yeah, but doesn't mean I can't—"

"Now I am saying no."

Remus was quiet as he settled behind Sirius and simply hugged him, "Okay. I'm sorry if I did something to you. We'll talk tomorrow after you've had your potion."

"Okay," answered Sirius weakly. It sounded meek and tired even to himself, and it must have sounded worse to Remus as he gently pet Sirius's hair and whispered reassurances to him. It will be better tomorrow.

Sirius was able to take his potion without any problem and didn't feel any of the ill effects like he had in the beginning; however he still felt a small tightness in his chest when he thought about Remus. Should I ask to have the dosage upped? Sirius thought about it as he headed towards the Great Hall for dinner.

Luckily for Sirius, he didn't see Mulciber or Keaton while he was heading to his destination and was quick to sit between Severus and Remus. "You feeling better after your potion?" asked Remus.

Sirius tried to smile but it ended up just looking painful. Letting his face go neutral, Sirius shrugged, "I guess? I… I'm a little foggy. Sorry."

Remus frowned as he gently touched Sirius's back. "Didn't Pomfrey say he would be good by the third potion?" asked Peter from across the table.

"It might take more time," suggested Severus. "I mean, everyone is different, maybe it is just taking Sirius a little longer to adjust to the medication?"

"Maybe," muttered Remus as Sirius nodded in agreement. He knew it had nothing to do with the potion making his brain foggy, the truth was he was still annoyed with Remus, and himself. In all honesty, he didn't know who he should be annoyed with, Remus for always shutting him down, or himself for being so needy all the time.

"Either way," put in James. "Remus, McGonagall is subtly trying to get your attention. Probably because you didn't turn in the essay yesterday."

Remus slowly glanced over at the staff table and saw the Professor motion him over now that he was looking at her. "I was going to turn it in after class," grumbled Remus as he got up from the table and trudged over.

"Don't know why he is complaining," snorted Severus. "He got an extra day.

"He just doesn't like being called out is all," smiled James before looking over Severus and at Sirius.

Sirius was just staring at his dinner solemnly and didn't even seem to notice the exchange at all; however it didn't look like the medicated trance he had been in before. "What's wrong, Sirius?" asked James concern clear in his voice. "I know it isn't that potion. Something else is wrong."

Sirius took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I just… I don't know guys. I love Remus, but he won't… he is refusing to have sex with me. I ask and he just says no, and I feel like a fucking douche for even asking, but I am starting to wonder if he even wants to be with me or if this is just some elaborate way to make me feel better about being alone.

'Cause I am starting to feel like a sympathy case for him and that just makes everything worst. Maybe I did jump forward to quick. I have no idea what I am doing, and I just want attention, but he gives me attention, but not the kind I want and only when I ask for it and—." Sirius stopped talking suddenly and just let out another sad sigh. "Is it bad that I feel unloved because he won't have sex with me?"

James and Peter exchanged a slightly panicked look as Severus rested a hand on Sirius's shoulder, "No it isn't bad. You show your love physically and for most people sex is a way of showing they love someone, so not having it returned is hurtful."

"Does he not really care?" mumbled Sirius as he tugged at a napkin.

"He does," insisted James. "Remus is a reserved person, remember. He isn't the best at showing his emotions so I feel like this more about you two not talking. Have you told him you feel like this?" Sirius shook his head.

"I think you two need to talk," agreed Severus.

"Not here," added Peter. "How about I take Sirius up to the Gryffindor common room and you two stall Remus. Once I get back, tell Remus to go talk to Sirius."

"Sounds like a good plan," nodded James.

"I don't want to talk to any—."

"Go on," prompted Severus as he gave Sirius a gentle nudge. "Trust us you two will feel much better after you clear things up." Sirius didn't seemed thrilled but he did nod before standing up and following Peter out of the Great Hall.

It wasn't long after they had left that Remus returned and seemed a little confused that Sirius and Peter were missing. "Peter took Sirius back to the common room," explained Severus.

"Did the potion really make him feel that off?" asked Remus.

"It wasn't the potion, Remus," sighed James trying to think of the best way to break the news to his friend. He knew that the two of them needed to talk it out, but Sirius was horrible at explained himself, and James didn't want to send Remus in there blind.

Remus looked between the pair, worry making itself more apparent with every second that they didn't explain. Severus and James glanced at each other before Severus let out an annoyed groan, "Sirius doesn't think you really like him. He's convinced himself that you aren't really interested in him sexually."

"That isn't true," argued Remus instantly. "Why the hell would I be dating him if I wasn't interested in him?"

"Then why aren't you reaching out to him?" asked James. "Remus, he needs you to reach out to him. He feels like he is just bothering you at this point. Sirius is used to sex, and it's how he shows his affection. You always turning away and always saying no makes it seem like you aren't actually interested."

Remus was quiet as he looked away from them. "If you love him as much as you are claiming then why are you fighting this so hard?" asked Severus.

Remus swallowed a few times before quietly answering, "I'm worried I won't get it up. I couldn't with Lily, and I'm worried if I lose it with Sirius he'll leave."

"Well right now, he might leave if you don't at least try," chided Severus.

Remus looked shocked at this and James whispered, "Now, Love."

"Don't give me that," snapped Severus. "You and I both know it." Turning back to Remus he added, "Look you need to go and TALK to Sirius. Tell him your fears and why you've been avoiding this. It will be easier for him to understand if you explain yourself. 'Cause right now from his point of view you are just constantly refusing contact and he had no idea why, and he is blaming himself."

"Fuck, I need to go talk to him." Remus stood up and was heading out before they had a chance to stop him.

"Think we gave Peter and Sirius enough of a head start?" asked Severus.

"I think it will be fine," nodded James. "They just need to figure their shit out."

"This is a weird moment when I realize that we have never had this problem," pointed out Severus.

"We bonded quickly and the bond helps share emotions, so we are more open with each other," shrugged James.

Severus smiled and snuggled against James, "I like this better. I don't think I could handle what Sirius is going through."

"What about Remus?"

"Remus needs to suck a dick, literally." James had to work to repress his laughter as he saw Peter come back into the Great Hall. Well at least we know that we gave him enough time to get Sirius to the common room.

Remus was cursing himself the entire walk to the dorms. Why didn't I notice! Why don't I notice things like this! He passed Peter not long after he left the Great Hall and earned a nod, "Good luck."

"Thanks," grunted Remus as he picked up his pace and headed to the dorms. When he entered their dorm, Sirius was the only one there sitting on his bed curled into a ball staring off into space.

Sirius looked over when Remus climbed onto the bed and pulled him into a hug. Sirius actually seemed surprised by the sudden contact as Remus held him. "I'm sorry. It's not you. It's me. I'm dealing with my own stupid shit, and I hurt you without realizing it."

Sirius made a confused little grunt as Remus let go so the pair could sit on the bed and face each other. Remus looked around the room, and saw no one, but he still pulled the curtains and silenced the bed so nothing they said could be heard.

Remus sighed as he looked at Sirius's confused face. "Look, I did tell James and Severus half of it, but I need to tell you everything. Look I'm not avoiding sex because I don't want to have sex, I do, I do want to have sex with you, but… I'm worried about the whole… werewolf thing."

"But you're not contagious unless it is the full moon."

"Rational me knows that. Irrational me says the second I get worked up and bite you I am going to ruin your life." groaned Remus as he anxiously pushed his hair out of his face.

Sirius sat up and crawled into Remus's lap so he could hug him. "I am not worried about it. Even if it does happen, we can be werewolves together."

Remus wrapped his arms around Sirius and hugged him, "What about children? I know you want kids, and I want kids too."

"If it happens before I can give you a baby maybe we could just adopt, or find a surrogate," reassured Sirius as he hugged his boyfriend tighter. "I'm just happy it wasn't something I was doing. Every time you pushed me away I thought it was because I did something wrong. I'm sorry I'm so needy."

"It's okay."

"What was the other reason?" asked Sirius. "You said you only told James part of it, and I know you didn't talk about being a werewolf at dinner."

Remus could feel his face heating up as he tried to use Sirius's hair to hide. "It's stupid."

"Clearly," teased Sirius.

"I just… I couldn't get it up for Lily, and I thought what if I can't get it up for you, and then you get pissed and leave me because what if I am actually broken—" Remus's voice suddenly caught in his throat as he felt Sirius's hand go down his pants.

"It doesn't feel like you are having a problem to me," teased Sirius as he slid out of Remus's lap and lowered his head. Remus was going to protest, but Sirius had already unbutton his pants and freed him.

Sirius let out a pleased hum as he lightly licked the up Remus's shaft before sucking on the head. "Fuck, Siri," moaned Remus as he tangled his fingers in Sirius's hair. Sirius moaned as he let Remus slide down his throat. He could feel his boyfriend getting bigger as he sucked on him.

Once Sirius was sure Remus was fully erect, he pulled back, "Now you're hard, and I'm not going to use my mouth or hands to help you."

"Tease," growled Remus as he used his wand to get condoms and lube. Sirius just smiled as the two of them undressed. As soon as his clothes were out of the way, Sirius laid down and spread his legs while Remus put on a condom.

Sirius bit his lip and let out a needy whine, "Fuck me. Don't stretch me just get inside me."

"I'm going to stretch you," said Remus firmly as he poured lube on his fingers. "You haven't been taken recently; you need to be properly stretched."

Sirius let out another loud frustrated cry, but it was quickly cut off as Remus pushed two fingers inside of him. Remus ran his hand up Sirius's stomach and pinched his nipples as he roughly worked Sirius open.

Sirius's moans were quickly escalating to pleasured cries as Remus sped up. He didn't want to hurt Sirius, but the sounds he was making were making Remus impatient.

"Your voice should be illegal," grunted Remus as he pushed in two more fingers and spread them.

"Remus!" cried Sirius as he pulled at the bed sheets. "Remus I'm ready! I need you now! Fuck me!" Remus was suddenly glad he had the foresight to silence the area around the bed, otherwise everyone in the common room would know what they were doing.

Remus pulled his fingers out of Sirius and gave his outer-thigh a gentle swat. "Roll over onto your hands and knees." Sirius whimpered at the loss but rolled so his ass was in the air. He must want it bad if he didn't take the opportunity to mention the position were in, thought Remus as he gripped Sirius's hips and pushed in.

Remus let out a long relieved moan as he felt the heat of his boyfriend around him. Why was I stopping this again? Remus's hands slid up Sirius's back as he leaned forward and bit down on the back of Sirius's neck. Sirius let out a pleasured cry and tried to move against Remus, "I need you to fuck me, Remus please move."

Remus bit and licked the spot a few more times before sharply snapping his hips. Sirius let out a startled gasp and fell forward. "Then hold still," growled Remus as he put his hands on Sirius's shoulders and pinned him down as he thrust into him.

Sirius wanted to move, but he quickly realized James wasn't the only one that wanted control during sex. He might have tried but suddenly Remus hit something that stopped Sirius from breathing let alone moving. "You okay?" grunted Remus.

"Again," choked Sirius as he took in a shaky breath. Remus nodded and tried to hit the spot again. Sirius suddenly tightened around him and let out a tight breathy whimper.

"Looks like I found your spot," chuckled Remus as he started riding the spot harder now that he knew where it was. Sirius couldn't even answer as all he could manage was a few gasping whimpers.

Using one hand to reach under him, Remus started stroking Sirius, and in no time, Sirius let out a strangled cry as he had the most intense orgasm he had ever had. Remus groaned and slowed as Sirius tightened around him. "Fuck," groaned Remus as he gave a last few thrusts and came.

"Wish you could come inside me," moaned Sirius as he intentionally squeezed Remus.

"This school doesn't need another pregnant student," teased Remus as he pulled out of Sirius, pulled the condom off, and tossed it towards the small waist basket next to Sirius's bed.

"No fun," sighed Sirius still high on his endorphins. Sirius rolled onto his back and pulled Remus down on top of him.

Remus wrapped his arms around Sirius and kissed him as Sirius wrapped his legs around Remus's waist. "Do I need to get another condom?" whispered Remus as he felt Sirius rolling his hips up against him.

"Yes. I want you back in me," moaned Sirius as he bit Remus's ear and pulled it. "Fuck me nice and hard. I need it again." Sirius could feel Remus's cock swelling again as he let out small breathy whine. I am going to make up for lost time if it kills me.

AN/

Remember everyone communication is key in any relationship. Keeps the drama llama away.

Speaking of drama.

Apparently, I live in one of the top ten most dangerous places in my state, and at first I was like, "No way. This is a perfect little town." but then I actually started thinking, and I realized that I'm just really jaded. 'Cause crazy druggies are just a thing we have here

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