Hi guys! It has been so long, and you guys will probably never forgive me, and I completely understand. I am so, so sorry for the wait. After posting the last chapter and finally getting home from vacation, I was so excited to start writing this chapter on my laptop for you guys. Then guess what? BOOM. My laptop just crashes. Screen goes blank and all. I had to take it to get fixed, and it took FOREVER. Literally, I just got it back yesterday. My only other choice during that time was to type it on my mobile device. Trust me, I tried really, really hard, but whenever I tried to save a document it would never save and I would have to start all over again and it got so frustrating.
I'm also sorry if the last chapter was terrible. I got a lot of some really constructive criticism on it, and I realized how rushed it really was. I just have been so overwhelmed lately but I wanted to please you guys by posting a chapter on time so bad. I promise I will try harder and do my very best on the chapters from now on:) Thank you so much guys, I love you all so much, and I hope you enjoy this chapter!
Leaving my classes was a terrible idea.
My phone will not stop exploding with texts.
They should all be paying fucking attention, instead of doing nothing but texting when the professor turns his head. Finally pissed off enough to shut off my phone, I pick it up.
80. Fucking. Texts.
Scowling, I decide to reply to shut the stupid bastards up. I open my phone and am immediately bombarded.
Finnick: Kitty Kat, ANSWER YOUR FUCKING PHONE.
Jo: I'm gonna bury a damn axe in your fucking leg if you don't answer.
Annie: Kat, you alright? You looked pretty shaken up in there. Do you want me to come home?
Gloss: Yo, what was the deal in there? You aight?
Cashmere: Come on Kat, this is my 6th text! Are you okay?
Peeta: Why won't you answer me, love? I called you, but you won't answer. I hope you are okay. I'm coming home. I love you.
I turn off my phone and put my head in my hands. What is wrong with me? Why can't I let go of my past and be a normal person? I feel my hands start to shake, as the memories erupt my mind. Abuse. Poverty. Rape. Force. I feel myself sinking again.
Peeta POV
After class ends, I burst out of my seat and head into the hallway. I go to a quiet corner and immediately snap out my phone and call Katniss. My knee begins shaking and my hands start sweating, and I can't shake the worry from my mind. What is wrong? Is she okay? I can't stand it.
She doesn't answer and I try again a couple more times, but no luck. I decide to go to class anyway and send her a few texts during the lecture. My mind wanders from the large screen and the professor talking monotone, and I can't concentrate on the paper and pen in my hands. All I can think of is her beautiful face going pale. What am I doing? I'm a terrible boyfriend. My girlfriend just left classes because of a bad reason I don't know of, plus she has a broken leg, and I'm just sitting here staring at a paper dumbfounded? No. I'm leaving.
I pretend I'm sick and leave classes early, and send a quick text to Katniss that I am coming home. I get in the beat up truck and drive home, tapping my fingers on the dash in anticipation. I hope she's alright. I pull in the driveway and suddenly get a drop in my stomach. I knew something was wrong before, but something tells me this time isn't the same as before. I rush to the front door and swing it open, knowing Katniss never locks her door during the day. I prepare myself to call out to her, but she is right in front of me. On the couch, with her face in her hands, shaking and sobbing. My heart sinks. Oh no.
"Oh, Katniss." I say sadly, slipping my arms around her and pulling her close. She immediately falls into my arms, but her sobbing doesn't slow down. "What is it love?" I say, my heart panging with sadness seeing her like this even though I don't know what is wrong. She cries a little while longer while I whisper soothing things in her ear and rock her softly. Finally she sniffs and sits up a little more straight, and I wipe her tears away and kiss her nose. I patiently wait for her to talk.
"Peeta..." she whispers softly. She opens her mouth to speak, but collapses again and begins crying. "I..can't..d-do it! I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." she puts her head in her hands and begins sobbing quietly. I hold her in my arms and her sobs get louder.
"Oh love, what can you not do? It's okay! It's-"
"It's not Peeta!" she interrupts me. "You are a, you know, guy, and guys have needs. And in your case, you have a screwed up girlfriend who is screwed up enough to not be able to fulfill those needs right away and other stuff." she sniffles, calming down again. I furrow my brow, confused in what she means.
"What needs, Katniss?" I ask softly, truly baffled. She begins shaking.
"I can't do it, Peeta." she whispers. She finally looks up at me with her beautiful gray eyes. The sadness and fear in them breaks my heart. Her shaking grows. "I'm not ready for sex."
I pause.
Sex?
Oh no. She thinks I want sex. She thinks I will leave her unless she does business with me. She begins to cry again, and I snap back to reality.
"Hey, hey hey!" I say softly, tilting her head up. "Katniss, listen to me. I love you. You, only you. I don't love your body, well, actually I do, but you get the point. I'm with you because you are strong, confident, brave, funny, smart, perfect, and beautiful on the inside. You are stunning on the outside, but I am with you for what is inside." I say. "The way you look on the outside is just a fantastic bonus." I chuckle. "My point is, I love you for you. Not your body, even though it is gorgeous."
"But that's not my point, Peeta!" she cries. "It doesn't matter if you love me for who I am, that still doesn't change anything." she huffs.
"Katniss, like I sai-"
"You're still a guy, Peeta!" she exclaims. "And you still have-" she blushes. "needs."
I laugh. "Katniss, look at me." she does. I put my hands on each side of her face and stare into her eyes intensely. "Katniss you're right. I am a guy and I do have needs. But listen to me now. I love you so much and I would wait a thousand lifetimes for you to be ready. I would never force you into anything, and I will never leave you just because we don't have sex. I would never leave you anyway. You're my everything. I love you, Katniss." I say, before kissing the rest of her tears away.
She smiles softly. "I love you too, Peeta. Thank you." She says, wiping away her last tear.
"No problem." I kiss her forehead. "What got you wound up at this subject anyway? Besides the incident in class a few hours ago...uhg." I say.
She scratches the back of her head and I can see the nervousness in her eyes, which makes me frown. She knows she can tell me anything, right?
"I guess you've got me cornered...alright. Johanna told me that even though you are a great guy and all, you would eventually get bored with me. Then you would leave me for another girl who could fulfill those...needs."
"She said WHAT?" I feel anger rising in me, but I have to tame it. For her sake.
"Finnick said some things, too. Just promise not to blow up on either of them. Okay? I have to handle this. In fact, when they are home in a few minutes, there is something I have to tell you all." she says.
I open my mouth to argue, to tell her that I want to confront them, but I shut my mouth. Its her business, and as much as I love her, she wants to handle it by herself. I sigh softly. "Okay."
She smiles and kisses me softly, and at that moment Finnick, Johanna, Annie, Cashmere and Gloss barge in, and all explode talking. They burst into yells and worried voices, all in one breath and you can't even understand what they are saying.
"Guys." Katniss says quietly. They continue to talk. "Guys!" They stop for a moment, but flare up again in a jumble of words. She sighs.
"GUYS!" Katniss screams, and they all shut up with dumbfounded looks on their faces. I can't help but snort, and Katniss gives me a look. I pout, but shut up.
Johanna looks like she's about to get angry, but Finnick tells her to hold up for a minute. "Katniss, I'm sorry I acted that way at school. I know you have been through a lot, and I didn't have the right to say those things. I'm sorry."
Cashmere surprises me a bit by speaking up. "I obviously don't know about your past as much as the others do. Which is okay. I still love you. And even though I don't know a lot, I can guarantee you this; you can tell me anything. Your secrets are safe with me. I'm sorry about what happened at school, and I hope we can work things out." Cashmere says, shooting Katniss a small smile.
"Kitty, you know I'm nothing but a big goofball, and I'm really bad at all this serious stuff. Like Cash said, I don't know that much. And even though I'm a bit of a jerk sometimes, and a lot of things slip from my mouth, I will support you with your decisions the whole way through. You could be a virgin at 30 years old, and have a bunch of cats, and I would still be at your side." Gloss says with a non sarcastic grin. Well that's a first.
Annie speaks next. "Kat, Finnick is a fucking idiot, and if I had known he had said those things before we got here, I would have thrown a tantrum. And I'm going to say this now because I know most of us..." She shoots a look at Finnick and Gloss. "...are mature, here. So lets get this straight. Katniss, we are your friends, and I promise we will never pressure or make you upset with any of that kind of stuff again. Right Johanna?"
Johanna stays still and crosses her arms.
Annie frowns. "I said, Right, Johanna?"
Johanna is quiet for a minute, then finally speaks up. "Katniss Everdeen, I'm sorry but you need to stop being so fucking pure. Just because you had a little sex talk from Finnick, your teachers, and I doesn't mean you need to leave school and flip out." Johanna rolls her eyes.
Katniss narrows her eyes. Uh oh. This isn't good. She tosses her crutches to the side and takes a step towards Johanna.
"You think I chose to be this way?" Katniss says in a dangerously low volume. Johanna is quiet, but a scowl still covers her face. I can see Katniss getting angrier.
"You think I chose to flip shit?" Katniss raises her voice slightly, taking another step towards Johanna. Suddenly the venom in her face falters slightly.
"You think I chose..." she has to pause, her face getting red and her scowl dropping, being replaced by a quivering lip. Her eyes fill with tears.
"You think I chose...to be raped?" Her posture is tall and strong, but her face is filled with pain and sorrow. Johanna's scowl immediately drops. Gasps are heard around the room. Tears fill Finnick's eyes. A choking, sobbing sound comes from Annie. Wait a minute.
Katniss was raped.
Katniss was raped.
I feel my world crashing down, a sorrow deeper than anything I have ever felt filling me up. I begin breathing heavily, panting, and tears fill my eyes. Beautiful, broken but strong Katniss, my delicate flower, my everything, was already ripped from the last innocence she could ever have. The shock hits me like a knife all at once, and I do one thing I would have never expected myself to do.
I black out.
Once again I'm so, so sorry for the wait. I'll try to get another chapter in soon, but I'm so busy its going to be hard. I'm not sure when the next chapter will be. Hopefully soon. Also, I'm really sorry about the last chapter. I have no idea how college works, so I'm very sorry if it sounded more like a highschool. I'll try to do my research more and do better next time. Love you guys! QUESTION OF THE WEEK:
Do you think Katniss and Peeta would still somehow end up together if Katniss and GALE were reaped for the Games and Katniss won?