This Is Us

by Lynnth2014

Sex, secrets, lies, jealousy, betrayal, drama all can be found on the job as one of Philly's finest. Digging through lives to solve murders is all in a day's work for Tara Chambler and Carol Peletier, though being homicide detectives cannot prepare them for what's to come in both their romantic lives and on the job.

38. Listening

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

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"Are you sure you want to do this?" Boss walked at the same pace as his detective.

"Yeah, I'm sure." Carol nodded and inhaled deeply. "After all this while, I think it's time I paid him a visit."

"I'm with you every step, Chambler." He smirked at her, and she laughed softly. "Rosita still sore about it?"

"Not that she'll admit, because it confirms she wants a commitment with Tara, despite the fact that they plan to live together. I think she's trying to stall her own apprehension, but it's not working. Her desires are winning out." She moistened her lips. "Which is good. They're happy, and I'm happy for them. They have an anniversary coming up soon, I think."

"And that little girl is due in a few weeks as well."

"C'mon now, Boss, you know her name."

He nodded. "Right, Grace Raleigh. Rosita settle a middle name yet?"

"She's torn between Estrella and Martina."

"Both lovely, as I know that baby girl will be."

Carol grinned. "Admit it: you have a soft spot for us."

"I'll admit no such thing." He stiffened his spine and sent a wink her way, winning another chuckle. "He's through here."

She inhaled deeply. "Let's get this done."

It had been five months since her birthday, Rosita was in her last trimester and close to bursting out baby girl Raleigh, and Carol was four months a Chambler. It had been such a hectic five months. There was so much happening, so many traditions and relationship changes. This would be known as a year of change and acceptance and sheer dumb luck, that was for sure. She knew this was the biggest growth any of them had gone through, and it would pay off every single day. There would be no denying it was long deserved, and she could ensured they used every ounce of growth to push forward.

Like Lilly and Meghan. They had been living in Philly for five months now. Lilly loved the people she worked with, and she was thriving now without Phillip holding back. She was glowing every time they saw her, and Meghan was crushing it in school. She was playing soccer and making straight As. She had more friends than she knew what to do with, and she hung out with Rosita every single day after school to get to know her sister's girlfriend, and Rosita loved the company. They were good friends, and Lilly helped Rosita by answering any and all questions they had. Often times Tara would come home and find Rosita and Meghan passed out in her bed, so she'd shack up with Carol or in Carol's bed. (Carol enjoyed the company when she was home. Tara was a great cuddler, and Carol needed some support being in that room alone. Tara immediately offered cuddles and jokes. It was perfect.)

And for Tara and Rosita. They had sat down with Carol to discuss their relationship and the whole moving in together bit. They didn't have enough money to afford a new place, but they wanted to try and live together the three of them until they could afford it. Carol assured them she'd be at Daryl's most of the time, and Rosita didn't mind sharing the space. After five months, Rosita confirmed what she already knew back then, and it was nothing. They made it work, and most importantly, Tara and Rosita were kicking ass in their relationship. It wasn't a settled relationship by any means. They had a lot to learn about each other, especially their habits, and while they were together long before this, there were some habits they didn't come to light until recently. They bickered a lot at the beginning, Rosita wanted to call it quits, but Rosita's entire family told her that was stupid. Once it was dealt with, they wouldn't remember it in a week—all Aunt Vee, to be honest.

She was right. Tara fought for their relationship, and Rosita was trying. She did love her, and she did want to live with her, but it was so much so quick. She watched her apartment be packed up and fought with Tara on what she had to keep and what could go to storage. It was awful, and Rosita felt like she was losing herself to their relationship. That was their biggest threat, and Tara didn't see her for a week while she stayed with her parents. Tara was terrified she wouldn't come back, Carol told her that was nonsense, that Rosita had to work this out herself through her roots, and Tara just waited. She offered her space, and Carol was right. Rosita came back Monday night with her mother's tacos with a name they couldn't pronounce properly, and she explained what was going on with her. They sorted it out, and while Rosita did still need space now and then, it wasn't so long, and she would talk to Tara about it first. Tara had to put herself in Rosita's shoes, and she understood why it was such a challenge. She accepted her panic and her doubts and loved her through them. It was all she could do until Rosita worked it out. Sometimes she worked them out with Tara, and it showed such growth in their relationship and in her. Tara loved her even more after that moment, and she knew this love would consume her in the best damn way. (As would the Rosita's family dinner consume her waistline. Thanks, Marie.)

On the note of relationships, Carol and Daryl were going through a rough patch. They had gotten closer after meeting her family, and him giving her a key to their apartment, but life cut into that closeness. Ryan always seemed to be calling him away, and more than once Carol had been stood up without a single word. She stopped even making plans with him after the sixth time, and he tried to apologize, but she didn't want to hear it after he told her the last few times it wouldn't happen again. She was angry, and she walked out. He tried to go after her, but she made it clear she did not want that by locking him in his apartment. He was trapped until Merle came back and freed him, and he went to her apartment, but no dice.

Carol stayed with Maggie and Lauren for a few nights then went back to talk to him. He got a call in the middle of their conversation, Carol snapped and threw his phone against the wall in a fit of rage, and he reminded her they'd ordered food and they might have been out of sauce and called them to change it. She looked horrified and hulimated, and she apologized. He only laughed and was glad he had a good plan to replace it with. He cut to chase of their main issues, and she told him to shut up. She didn't want to hear it, because it couldn't be true. He hadn't come between them. It wasn't true.

But it was. Ever since she'd found out he'd been watching her room, she felt uneasy being alone with him in her bedroom. It was downright foolish. He was locked up and utterly unable to walk or talk, but she was still paranoid. She wanted him to ignore it and just continue their physical relationship at his apartment, but he wouldn't let her ignore it. They talked about it, she was stripped uncomfortably bare before him, and he explained how he processed everything after running away from his own father. They argued back and forth all over the apartment, Carol wouldn't be still or let him near, and he tried to console her, but she was pigheaded. They went back and forth until they were exhausted and passed out in the guest bedroom.

When they woke up, Carol admitted he was right and ran off to shower before he could see how upset she was about it. He didn't follow her. He instead made her coffee and breakfast and told her he was proud of her. She cried and let him hold her, and later they were slowly able to test the waters in her bedroom once more. She took it slow, but over the months she lost interest in her paranoia, and they were able to have sex in her room again, though mostly they were over at his place. It was great for a few months, but other issues began to rear up, and they were present with them now. They both tried to wave them away and push forward, but the one issue was too serious, too detrimental to their relationship, and it couldn't be ignored. So they were going to meet at his place to talk about it after this. She wasn't looking forward to it. The future had always terrified her, and planning it even more so, but...maybe she would break her pattern this time. Maybe.

Although the upside was little boy Dixon was born in September on the 7th. He was a healthy nine pounder with blonde curls and dark blue eyes, and he was the spitting image of Merle. Amy told them Brianna came out looking like him, too, but thankfully her features made themselves known as she grew. She was teasing, but Merle was just staring at his son. They named him Thomas. Merle said he looked like a Thomas, like a Tommy, and Amy didn't argue with it since she did name Bri without his input. So they had a little Tommy Dixon on their hands. He was a sweet baby boy, but he had lungs of steel. Sometimes it seemed like he could wake up Daryl and Carol. Hell, he sent Bri crawling into bed with Daryl more than once, and a few times Carol was staying over. Daryl was glad the kid was sleepy and slept between them over the covers with her own blanket over her. They made sure to dress after sex, though Carol considered wearing his stuff as dressing, and he went through so much laundry it wasn't even funny. She had to help him with the folding since most of them were worn by her anyway. One downside to having a girlfriend—she stole all his damn shirts. He had pants for days, but one shirt? No, that was asking for too much, and she'd tie a knot in his t-shirts during the summer, so they had wrinkle, and he couldn't rewear them. He had to borrow more and more of his brother's shirts, and Amy didn't like that, because Amy wore Merle's shirts since she didn't feel like wearing her own. It was an endless cycle, but Carol returned his shirts washed and folded since September, so that was an upside to everything.

She hoped this had an upside, and it was worth it, otherwise she'd pissed Daryl off for no reason. She signed in after Boss and entered the room where they were holding him while he recovered from his injuries, and Boss stopped by the door to let her have some privacy with the piece of human waste on the bed.

"And the tawdry child returns," Ed mused from the bed.

"And the asshole still breathes. I guess we're both disappointed." She gripped the hard plastic frame to the bed. "Why did you want to see me? I know you've been asking for me since July."

"I thought you'd like to know how your old man was healing."

"Cut the shit. You are not my father, and I don't give a damn how you're healing. What do you want? I was told it was vital information, so talk."

He chuckled and looked at Tyreese. "You the new boyfriend, or her latest boy toy?"

"I'm the one keeping her from finishing you, so watch your tone, or I might have to leave and disable some cameras."

Carol smirked. "Good idea. Want to do that anyway?"

"Guess dirty runs out of the bedroom, too," Ed remarked and cut a stare at her. "You're very flexible. I had no idea."

Her skin crawled, and her smirk died. "Just tell me this information, or I walk."

"You seem to enjoy most having your pussy eaten. I guess that's all the redneck's good for. Kind of a short stop, I noticed."

"Enough." Tyreese moved from the door to the frame beside Carol. "We're leaving. C'mon." He set a hand on her arm, and she nodded, following him. They didn't come for him to humiliate Carol, and they sure as hell wouldn't stay for it.

"Don't you want to know about Willa?" Ed called once they were at the door, seeing the muscles in Carol's shoulders tense.

Tyreese looked behind to see Carol's eyes wide, color fading fast from her face, and she was stiff, unmoving in the door frame. He didn't know who this person was to cause such a reaction in Carol, but he knew she had to be important. He would drag her out if Ed make a mockery of this, but for now, he would stay by her side. He gave the boys his world, and he owed Carol, so he'd keep this conversation on the correct path.

"Tell us about her then and not about old news," Tyreese spat.

"Bitch is old news, isn't she, Carol?"

She slowly turned around and stared him down. "What do you...? Why bring her up now?"

"Your boy paid me a visit last night, told me I should...make amends, and I thought you should know about Willa. I mean, it's overdue."

She marched over to him and stabbed a finger at him, her hand shaking, and she wanted to threaten him, but no words came out. Her eyes were watering, and she wanted to strangle him right then and there, but she had to know. It was overdue.

"Talk," she demanded. "Tell me...about my mother."

Tyreese comprehended the situation and reaction entirely at that moment and moved to stand at the end of the bed, ready to catch her and walk her out or stop her from killing this scum. He deserved to die ten times over, but he knew the men in here would take care of that one way or another. They always weeded out the child beaters and rapists. Always.

"She sold me to you," he informed her, being utterly honest with her. "You were thirteen years old, new to your period and to your changing body, and she sold you to me."

"You're lying. She just left us both." Her inside quaked and churned at the idea of her mother being so callous. She remembered her good qualities—her gentle smile, her soft hands, the scent of lilies and honey on her neck. She wouldn't do that. She wouldn't do what he's saying. She just abandoned them both, tired of her marriage and parenting. She didn't...do that.

"We're legally divorced, and she signed away her rights on you to me." He smirked. "She didn't want you, and she knew what I would do to you. She knew, and she still signed."

"No. I refuse to believe that."

"It's the true, Carol, and Daryl was right that I owed you something. I owe you the truth. I despise your entire existence, because you are truly worthless. I tried to find value in you while you grew, but there was nothing, and clearly I wasn't the only one who agreed. Your own mother, the woman who bore you, thought the exact same and wanted rid of you."

"No!" Carol balled her hands into weak fists, the feeling in her body dropping by the second as his eyes burned into hers.

"Here I thought I could beat some skill or knowledge or talent into you, but it never did any good." His lips formed a sickeningly gleeful smile. "It felt nice,and I so enjoyed your little friend. Honestly, she was delicious, and so were you in an entirely different way. Heh. Was it good for you, too?"

She stumbled back and moved by Ty who tried to reach out to her, and she fled from the room, catching the wall at the end of the hall to stop her from going too far and finding the trashcan in time to spill her guts. She gripped the rim and heaved, her breakfast and beverages came right up without a moment's hesitation, searing her throat. Tyreese jogged over to her and set a hand on the small of her back, and he was too late to keep her hair out of the puke's path, so he offered her that support.

She snuffled and sobbed once her system was empty, gagging through the tears, and he stroked her back. She pushed herself up using the rim for support, and she wiped her mouth, seeing the puke on strands of her hair and whimpering.

"Here." Tyreese guided her into the women's restroom without pausing, pulling a glove from his pocket and wetting a paper towel to clean the puke out of her hair. She buried her face with her hands and sobbed while he did so, and once her hair was puke free, he pulled her into a hug.

"He was just trying to get to you," he assured her. "Don't let it get to you."

"It's too late for that." She slid her hands down his chest and around to his back, burying her face in his breast. "Why did I think this was a good idea?" And why didn't Daryl tell her he'd come to see Ed? God, what else was he keeping from her?

Tyreese stayed with her until she calmed down then sent her out to the car. He told her he had to check on something with another officer but instead returned to Ed's room. He looked the man over and approached his bedside.

"Where's the little tramp?" Ed didn't like the vibe this man was giving off. "Gone to cry in the car?"

"We're not talking about Carol." He looked over the machines Ed was plugged into. "We're done with that. You're done."

"I'll be done when I'm dead."

"Guess we'll see about that." He ran his hand over the IV bag to fight off an infection he'd gotten from another patient, and he spotted where the morphine drip connected. "See, Ed, I know the men that lurk in the prison you're going to. I know them well. I put most of them in there."

"Do you want a gold star?" Ed spat. "Fuck off. Get out."

"And they will learn about what you did to those girls, and they'll do the same to you. Pound for pound." He unplugged the morphine distributor and inhaled. "You won't survive the year. Men like you are the weakest men, and you'll break."

"What the hell are you doing?!"

"Dirty runs deep." He smirked and backed away. "I think I'll tell the nurse to forgo your next checkup. That'll leave you in pain for...almost four hours, because there's a schedule issue right now. What a shame."

His face was already contorting in pain, and he gripped his hip. "You piece of—"

"Yeah, I get that a lot." He opened the door. "Don't bother screaming either. Nobody will hear. And maybe you'll know how Carol felt for four years. And if not? Well, it'll come later in prison. Either way, have a shitty day."

With that Tyreese closed the door and left, and he wanted to take Carol home, but she needed to get something from her desk. He knew it was a lie, but he let her have it. They went to headquaters, and Carol waved to Glenn and Aaron who were squeezing in some extra hours to help the cold unit since they hadn't had a case in thirty-two hours. She didn't bother to speak, just went to her computer and accessed the file of one Willa Erlene Johnson. She printed off the information to review it later, and Boss watched her from his desk, silently wishing her luck and looking over the pictures Sasha had sent him of Tahj's swim team.

She threw the papers into a folder and ran out of the bullpen. She didn't stop running until she'd hailed a cab and arrived at Daryl's. She bolted inside the building and up to his apartment, pounding on the door despite having a key, and he opened the door to be immediately pushed by.

"What the hell?" He closed the door and turned to her, finding her sweating and shaking, her skin utterly pallor, and his heart clenched. "What happened?"

"You...saw Ed?" Her voice was thick with mucus, her eyes shining with excessive moisture, but no tears fell. She couldn't quite keep still. She realized how accusatory her tone was, but she couldn't help it. Everything was losing color, and she was falling. She needed stability to stand on, but where was it? Where was anything?

"What? No." He didn't dare move closer to her. She would only flinch away. He knew this body language of hers well, so he stayed put. He'd wait for her to come to him or give him a sign it was okay to move in. "Only you've seen him."

"D—don't lie to me. Did you see him? He told me you saw him. Is that why you didn't want me to see him? 'Cause he'll tell me whereas you didn't?"

"Carol, I swear I've never talked to the man before in my life." He knew this was one of Ed's mind games, an attempt to try and have Carol isolate herself from people who love her, and he wished to God he'd have met the man. He would have killed him, or at least beat him within an inch of his life again. God, if he ever got the chance, Ed would a stain on the sidewalk. "I swear."

"But why...?" She ran a hand through her hair and shuddered. "God, why can he still...? It's been so fucking long."

"Hey, it's a process. We'll get through it." He stepped closer with a supportive smile on his face, and she shivered.

"But her..." She gripped the folder tighter in her hand. "Why her, too? It's been...s—so long, Daryl. Why...?"

"Her?" He was lost on that. "Her who?"

"My mom." She turned teary eyes to him, and he moved in, wrapping her up in his arms, and she began to calm in his embrace. "He...he told me she sold me to him. She signed away her rights to me and legally divorced him. She didn't leave us. She just...left me."

"He's a bullshitter. He just wants to make life harder on you. You can't buy into it."

"I'm not." She nuzzled her face into his soft sweater and closed her eyes. "I pulled her file."

He rubbed her back. "What's it say?"

"I haven't looked at it. I wanted to look at it with you, because I... I can't do it alone. And Tara has that appointment with Rosita."

"Glad you came to me then." He kissed her forehead. "C'mere."

He led her to the couch and sat down beside her, she took a few deep breathes then laid the file out, and he looked over the picture of her while Carol studied the address. They didn't talk while they reviewed the file, Carol could see she had remarried the same year she left, and she'd changed her name. She was now Willa Erlene Brook. She currently resided in Maine with her husband, Lionel John Brook, and their two kids. She closed her eyes at the mention of her children, of her siblings. She gagged and stood up, moving towards the kitchen, and Daryl looked up when she threw up.

"Carol?" He walked around the island, and she tucked her hair back, spewing watery vomit into the trashcan since the bathroom was too far away, and he waited, cringing at her dry heaving.

She snuffled and pushed the trashcan back into its hole and fell to her knees. "She has kids." Her lip quivered, and she squeezed her eyes shut. "She left me, but she has kids."

"I'm sorry." He lowered himself down in front of her, grabbing a tissue from the counter on his way down and carefully attempted to wipe the moisture from her lips and chin.

"I can do this." She took it from him and did it herself, moving back to lean against the stove, away from him, and she pulled her legs in.

"Don't pull away from me 'cause your mom sucks."

"I'm sorry. I... God! Why is there always more?" She opened her eyes. "Always more shit about me that I—I didn't ask for!"

"What?"

"God, it'd be better if I had never..." She watched how that unfinished sentence sliced him to pieces before her very eyes, and she sucked in air, the mucus in her throat crackling, and she whimpered. "Why couldn't it be simple? She didn't love me. She left me. That's it. Why did she have to leave me with him? Why did she start over? Why?"

"Baby." He crawled over to her, and she climbed into his lap, burying her face in the crook of his neck. "I can't speak for her. You'll have to ask her for the answer, but you are enough. You're more than enough, and nothin' would make sense in this world without you. Trust me on that."

He held her for hours, through her tears and unanswerable questions, through losing feeling in his ass and a pain settled in his spine, through her drifting off, and he stroked her arm and assured her. He didn't know where she wanted to go with this information, but he hoped she went to confront her mother. It would give Daryl no peace to speak to Will, but she might find piece talking to her mother. If not, she'd be able to answer those questions. No more wondering, no more questioning, just honest answers. She needed that, and if she'd let him, he'd lead her to see that.

– – –

Carol went to the coffee shop near Glenn and Maggie's for a bubble tea the next morning, leaving Daryl's bed around six and leaving a note. She couldn't be around anyone right now. She needed to figure this out and move on. She couldn't listen to him right now, no matter how much she loved him. She was torn, and she didn't want anyone siding with her mother, especially not her man. She couldn't take it today.

"Carol!"

Crap! She turned around and saw Regina Valens running up to her with a huge smile. "Hi." She spotted Lilly at a table with a coffee and bagel, and Regina gripped her hand. "Oh, no, sweetie. I have to—"

"Come and sit!" She pulled her over to their table and sat down.

"Regina," Lilly warned, "we talked about this."

"She needs to talk," Regina reasoned. "She looks confused."

Lilly shook her head, even though her daughter was right. Carol did look lost and confused, and the exhausted sigh she gave only fueled Regina's smirk. The same damn smirk her father had. Jesus. "Good mornin'."

"Yeah." She set her tea down and sat. "It's a morning, all right."

"You look like Mommy used to." Regina spooned the whipped cream off her hot chocolate. "Before my siblings."

"Oh, that's nice. I look pregnant?" She did increase her calorie intake when she joined a gym last month, but she was sure she was burning it off. Maybe not.

She nodded. "Just like that."

"I thinks she means when I had morning sickness." Lilly straightened and looked over the pale detective. "You look pretty rough. Care to share?"

"You couldn't help me."

"I might be able to. I have a lot experience with life." She searched her eyes. "Talk to me, Chambler."

"How'd you know I changed my last name?" She hadn't told anybody, though the paperwork was brutal.

"Scotty told me. He and Glenn got close after he filled in with you guys. They have drinks and talk babies." She smiled fondly and drank her coffee. "Lauren is a sweetheart. Jon is taken with her."

"I can imagine." She inhaled and removed her scarf, unbuttoning her coat and letting it slip back against the chair. She balled her scarf up and placed it in her lap, wrapping her fingers around her cup. "I... I don't want to get into it, but I might be able to...shine some clarity on a relationship. Um, one with my mother who I haven't seen in...sixteen years now."

"What?" Regina's mouth fell open. "That's a long time."

"It is." Lilly pointed to her coloring book to get her attention. "Color this dolphin for me."

"What colors?" She picked up a pink colored pencil.

"Surprise me."

"You got it." She went to work, losing interest in the conversation.

Lilly turned to Carol and asked, "What's stopping you?"

"I don't know. I guess I'm scared of the answers she has to offer."

"Take it from me. You don't want to miss an opportunity to repair a relationship with a family member. I...messed up with my mom, but she messed up with me, too, so..." She exhaled and met her eyes. "Go for it. Closure...means more than you can ever hope."

"I barely survived my stepfather's closure, Lilly. I don't want to endure my mother's."

"Look, sometimes you just have to give people a second chance." Carol's brows shut up in disbelief. "Take it from a professional. I... I nearly missed out on one of the best relationship I could have, because I didn't want to be hurt again."

"Yeah, who?"

"My sister." She chuckled softly. "She was trouble, always had been, and she ruined my live and my relationships more than once. I thought she'd grown up, but no. She got close to the one person she knew would hurt me most, and I told her not to. I told him not to, and... Well, I didn't speak to her again for a long time. Years."

"How'd she ruin your relationships?"

"Well, she slept with my first fiance, and I walked in on that." She nodded at Carol's disgusted expression. "Then she slept with my partner."

"Wait, your partner is—"

"Yeah, Valens." She nodded. "It was a main red flag in dating him, but he was going through a lot at the time. I know now he was using her to cope with the loss of his first love, and it didn't mean anything. We had problems later with Chris, but we were already together at that point."

"That's... Wow, dude. That's a lot to take in. He's slept with you and your sister? I can't...imagine how insecure that would make me."

"I was insecure for the longest time, but Scotty was genuine. He is genuine. He told me about Christ and her drug problem, and we went to her. He helped me save her and my niece." The ghost of a smile played on her lips. "I almost killed the bastard who held her captive, but he reminded me that wasn't who I am. He stopped me, and we both got them out. I... saw her again last year around this time. It was the first time I'd seen her since we saved her."

"Oh, yeah? How'd that go?"

– – –

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Lilly tucked her hands into her pockets, the late September air blowing at them, causing cornsilk hair to fall into her face. "We can just pick up Gina and crash at home on the couch with takeout."

Scotty chuckled. "You scared, Rush?"

"Scotty, you know this isn't about fear." She didn't have room for jokes. She was hungry and upset he hadn't told her about Chris being at dinner tonight with Celeste and Paul. She was just getting used to the idea of her stepmother and natural father and her half-siblings. She couldn't handle it right now. She wasn't in the mood, largely after she'd spent the majority of her day puking into trashcans and almost upchucking on Vera and his damn lunch. She'd almost been ratted out by Kat to Scotty, but she'd been saved by Boss. This wasn't her plan for tonight.

"I'm sorry, Lil. I think it's important for you two to bond, all right? Regina's met her a few times when we had to have Celeste babysit for us, and it wasn't the end of the world."

"Yes, but Regina is little girl who doesn't know her history."

"Maybe, like Regina, you could...put that aside and not know it for an evening." He saw fire brewing behind those ocean blues, and he sighed. "She really wants to see you, Lilly. She's your kid sis, and she loves you. She wants to know you. She's changed."

"Yeah, I think you said that the last time." She glowered, referring back to a long buried conversation, and his eyes burned now. "When did you see her?"

"We had coffee to set this up, and don't go there. We buried that hatchet years ago, and it ain't like that. You know me. I ain't like that."

She sighed and looked back at the house once more. "I do know you, Scotty, and that is the only reason I'm here."

"That, and you're hungry for some lemon chicken," he mused to try and tighten the mood.

"Don't say chicken." She swallowed a gag and prayed Celeste hadn't made her famous lemon chicken. She couldn't handle it tonight. "Let's get this over this."

"Hey." He slipped his arms around her waist, kissing her forehead and holding her close. She exhaled and rested her forehead on his chest, inhaling his familiar and comforting scents. She freed a hand from her coat pocket to rest over his breast, feeling his heart beat under her palm, and he rubbed her back. "It'll be okay."

"I hope you're right." She tilted her head back to view him and smiled softly. "I love you."

"I love you, too. Kinda why I set this up for you." He kissed her with a smile, and she melted into it, moving her hand to the back of his neck to deepen the kiss, and suddenly light flooded down on them. Lilly pulled away and blinked hard to regain sight in her right eye, and Scotty offered a smile to Celeste. "Hi."

"Hi." She chuckled softly. "I saw you pull up, got worried you might have left, but I guess not."

"Hey, I married her to ensure I have the right to kiss her whenever." He grinned, and Lilly blushed, knocking her forehead into his chest. "We'll be right in."

"Daddy!" Regina waved from the doorway by her grandma. "Mommy!"

"Hey, mi amor." He waved back. "You bein' good?"

"Duh." She smiled at them. "Come inside! It's cold."

"Yeah, you might catch a cold." This was a new voice, and it sent a chill through Lilly. "Dinner's ready. I bet you're both hungry."

"We're starvin'." He looked at Lilly who went slightly limp against him, and he kissed her hair. "Try, Lil, all I'm asking." This he whispered into her ear before letting her go and climbing up the stairs to greet Celeste and his daughter, who jumped into his arms instantly. "Celeste must be feedin' you good. Swear you're heavier."

"I am not!" Regina argued with puffy cheeks. "Maybe you're heavier."

"Eh, probably right." He kissed her cheeks and carried her deeper into the house to get warm, continuing their conversation.

Christ told Celeste she'd be in with Lilly shortly and let the door close, climbing down the stairs, and Lilly released a cringe before turning to face her little sister. They looked each other over, having spent almost another nine years without seeing each other.

It felt odd to be close enough to hug Chris, and the natural feeling of family and love Lilly got when she met up with Celeste or Maria wasn't there with Chris. It wasn't there with her own mother, so why would it be present with Christina? She wasn't the sister fit. She came into Lilly's life to destroy it, whether it was intentional or not, and as much as Lilly loved her, she couldn't risk the next shoe falling. Not with all she had now, so this was her last chance. She hoped Scotty understood that.

"You look nice," Chris commented. "You grew your bangs out."

"Yeah, Maria said it would look nice, and you don't argue with her. It's a losing battle." She smiled faintly at the memory and saw confusion on Christina's face. "My mother-in-law."

Still no hint of understanding.

"Scotty's mother."

"Oh, well she was right." She tried to smile, but it curved with discomfort. "I...uh, I knew Scotty was married. He has the ring on, but he never told me...it was you he was married to."

Lilly nodded. "Yeah, ten years together, seven years married in March."

"Wow." Her eyes widened as she exhaled, and she laughed. "That's amazing, Lilly. I'm so happy for you."

"I'll bet."

"I really am happy for you, and you guys have a daughter?" She nodded her head. "I didn't know Regina was yours. She's beautiful and thoughtful and sweet. I...I wish I'd known about her, too."

"Well, I'm sorry I didn't call you and fill you in on every detail of my relationship." She walked away from her and spun around. "You—you just come into my life and—and you're a bomb, Chris. I love you, I really do, but you have to understand why I kept away."

"I do." She studied the ground as tears bunched up in her eyes. "I deserve to be kept in the dark. I ruined things with Patrick and again I almost ruined everything with Scotty. I'm sorry. I really am. It was a mistake, but I'm different now. I am."

"How many times have I heard that?" She studied her sister. "How many times, Chris?"

"But it's different." She lifted her head and faced her. "I have my daughter, too, Lil. I love her. I worked hard to get where I am. Eight years of rehab and meetings and fighting for her and you and our family. I worked hard. I am still working hard, and I won't fall back on old habits. I won't!"

"Well, Celeste seems to believe so. Scotty tells me you live with them now."

"Just till I can get a better apartment." She tried not to cry, but it was so much to see Lilly again after all these years and so much has changed with her. She was married and a child, and Chris didn't know her anymore. They were sisters, and they didn't know each other anymore. It hurt so bad. "Lilly, I need you to know I'm better. For my daughter, for you, I am better. I'll stay better. I promise."

"I'll believe it when I see it."

"What more do you want from me?" Chris cried. "Lil, I am working my ass off, and I am doing everything I can to support my child and myself, and you... you give me nothing!"

"What more can I give you, Chris?"

"A chance! All I want is a chance to be your sister again." She snuffled, and all Lilly could see was the six year old baby girl who wanted to know why Santa never came, and her heart broke. "Please, Lil, I love you so much, and I can't stand to miss your life like this. You got married! And I didn't know. You have a daughter, and she's... She's gorgeous, and she's amazing, and I didn't know she was ours. I didn't know, and that hurts."

"You've hurt me like that time and time again."

"So this is to repay me for those times? I thought we were grown."

"We are, but I can't risk all I've built for you to turn around one day and say screw it. I already have one child to raise, another on the way, and I can't go through that right now."

"You're pregnant?" She stared.

She drew in air. "A few weeks, yes, but Scotty doesn't know yet, so keep it to yourself."

She closed the space between them and embraced her. "Congrats, Lilly. That's great."

Lilly wasn't sure what to do here, never really was when it came to Chris, but their mother was gone. Their past was their past. Perhaps it was time to let go and just build something new. Like Scotty had suggested. If Chris did fall back on old habits, that would be it, but if she didn't fall, Lilly did want to know the woman her sister had become. She'd raised her, so she wanted to know what stuck and what Chris had taught herself, so she'd try.

Chris pulled back and set a hand on Lilly's flat stomach. "I can't even imagine you pregnant. You're so small."

She chuckled. "Yeah, I don't get a whole lot bigger pregnant."

"There's a baby in here. My nephew or niece." She giggled softly and hugged her Lilly again. "I love you. All of you."

"Chris..."

"And I am sorry. For everything, I am sorry." She squeezed her once more and released her. "God, you and Scotty. How did that happen?"

"It...wasn't easy, but we...just fell in love slowly over time. He realized it first, and we tested the waters. Three years later in a bathroom, he proposed, and we got married the following March at the courthouse."

"Eww, the courthouse?" She frowned. "Why not a real wedding? With a beautiful gown and a church?"

"Because that's your wedding, Chris. We were in our late thirties. We didn't want all of that. Not that it mattered, because the whole damn department found out and forced us into a reception at Jones'. We have to recite vows and have a first dance, and I had throw some random bouquet Miller scrounged up. It was terrible." She'd loved it though. Unplanned and perfect. She wouldn't trade those memories for anything. "Scotty milked it for all it was worth, the jerk. I think he leaked our wedding plans. I really do."

"Well, I'm glad he did. You needed that. You never...had a chance for that."

"Yeah, it...was terrible, but I had a good time." Especially when Rhee proposed, and they could escape. They couldn't afford a honeymoon at that time, because of Chris and the baby and helping Celeste financially with that while keeping a distance, so they spent a week exploring Philly's little wonders and going through various lingerie sets she'd gotten at the Jones' reception. She wasn't sure they would ever leave their bedroom at times, but thankfully the cats loudly demanded food. He would always threaten to throw them out, and she'd remind him they were there first. He would roll his eyes, but he loved them. He just didn't want to admit it.

"You must really love Scotty." She sat down on the steps and rested her hands in her lap. "To get married and have his kids, I mean."

"Yeah, I do love him so much. Hell, I wish I would have figured it out sooner, so we could have been together sooner." She set a hand over her stomach. "But I wouldn't have been ready any sooner, so it's childish."

"It's sweet," Chris corrected and grinned at her. "You two are sweet. I... That might sound weird coming from me, but you are."

"Thanks." A flush of scarlet crossed her cheeks, and Chris giggled. "Don't laugh at me."

"I'm so thrilled. Gosh, I bet you're a great mom. I...remember you bein' there for me when we were kids, so I know you're great. Those kids couldn't be any more lucky."

"I am a good mom." Lilly could admit that. She worked hard for Regina and did everything a mom should. She loved her and let her know how loved she was. She packed her lunches and kissed her and hugged her. She laughed with her. She didn't let her wonder for a second, not like Lilly had. Never like Lilly had. She was building the family she never had as a child, and it was everything to her. She wouldn't let anyone threaten it. It was why she kept Chris at a distance. Protection and fear. Maybe she was too overprotective, but she had Scotty for that, apparently.

"Yeah." She nodded. "You did it, Lilly. You really did it, and I want that, too, so believe me, please. I am moving forward and keeping clean. And I want us to be close. I want a sister again, and I know I have to work for that, but I will prove to you I am better. I won't hurt you again."

"I believe you." She reached out and touched her cheek, seeing the eight year old with messy pigtails and a crooked smile, full of mischief. "I love you, Christina."

"I love you too, Lil." She cupped her hand and gripped it. "I'm so glad we could talk."

"Me too." She smiled at her and kissed the top of her head.

"Aww." Scotty grinned down at them, and they both rolled their eyes at him. "What? I'm the bad guy? You two are late for dinner."

"I was here first." Chris stood up and turned to face him. "Before you two even pulled up and stayed out here to argue for thirty minutes."

He shrugged a shoulder. "Doesn't count. I was here to help set the table, so you're late here, not me."

"You're kind of a pain in the ass," Chris told him.

"Yeah, Regina takes after him." Lilly climbed up one step. "I'll try and talk her out of it."

"Hey, c'mon, that's cold, Rush." He pushed off the doorway and climbed down the steps to her. "You know you love me." He wrapped his arms around her waist awkwardly from the height boost he had on her from the steps.

"Most days."

"You keep cuttin' me like this, and you're gonna have a corpse on your hands." He was still grinning, though, and she rolled her eyes, laughing at him. "Vera would get you. We set up a deal when you got pregnant."

"See, even he knew I might kill you, because you're a pain in the ass, Valens." She shrugged a shoulder. "It's not just us who think so. You should—"

He kissed her to interrupt her musing, she surprisingly didn't fight it and accepted the kiss. That was until she could taste the dinner on his tongue and pulled away. "What is it?" He frowned at her pushing him away, and Chris frowned at the tops of the steps, halting in going back inside.

"D—did she make casserole?" She covered her mouth.

"Yeah, the tuna one."

She gagged and gripped the railing to the stoop, leaning over the side near the flowerbed. "Oh, God." When she was pregnant with Regina, she couldn't do tuna, and apparently that carried over to this one as well.

"Lil, what's wrong?" He touched her stomach unthinkingly, and she threw up into the flowerbed, and he frowned, moving her hair back. "What's goin' on?"

"Oh, Lilly." Chris hurried down the stairs and set an arm across her lower back. "Just get it out. I have a spare toothbrush, and there are some ginger tablets in the house."

"You know what's wrong?" Scotty demanded. "Tell me what's going on."

"Nothing's wrong," Lilly managed between waves of illness, and she emptied her stomach on the last hurl. She nearly fell forward into it, but Scotty caught her, and she leaned against him, wiping her mouth on her sleeve.

"Bullshit nothin's wrong. You're sick?" He felt her temple, but it was cold to the touch.

"Let's get you inside." Chris reached for her sister. "I'll see if we have somethin' to eat with less...tuna."

"Please don't say tuna." She accepted her hand, still leaning into her husband. "And smack Valens for me."

Chris giggled.

"What the hell did I do?" Scotty was almost angry. He came out here to call them in, Lilly throws up into the flowers, and he was the bad guy? What did they know that he didn't? "I'm worried. Very worried, Lil, so tell me what's wrong."

Lilly moved to stand by Chris and met his eyes. "There's nothing wrong, first of all. And smack you is what I told you last time you made me puke."

"I've never made you puke," he retorted. "We both had soft stomachs after those wraps, and we know Vera was to blame. And you were pregnant last time, but that was an us sort of blame. So how is it my—" He cut off, eyes rounding to the size of saucers, and his mouth was still open, curved to the shape of an f, and he wasn't blinking. He stood there in this position for about ten minutes before he was able to whisper, "Are you pregnant, Lil?"

She smiled shyly. "I told you we should have finished that paperwork."

He ran a hand through his hair and chuckled once. "You're pregnant."

"Just a few weeks, so don't—" She was cut off by her own squeal when he picked her up and hugged her tightly. She gripped his shoulders and rejoiced when she felt the ground under her feet again, and he kissed her cheeks and forehead, her nose and neck, and he murmured sweet Spanish nicknames into her skin. She laughed, and he bent down to kiss her belly through her blouse, proclaiming joy and love to their unborn child in Spanish, and she stroked his hair. "Scotty, please."

"Mi amor." He kissed her stomach once more then rose up and kissed her, ignoring the faint taste lingering on her lips. "Mi alma. Mi querida."

She couldn't help but smile up at him. "You're happy then?"

"Happy ain't even cover what I am right now." He grinned at her. "Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"Because I wanted to wait until I was over twelve weeks, but I knew you'd worry after you saw me get sick. So I had to tell you sooner." She exhaled. "We can't tell anybody else until thirteen weeks, got it?"

"You'll have to tape his mouth shut," Chris told her from the steps. "I have duck tape."

"It isn't strong enough, believe me."

"Oh, hush." He rolled his eyes now and cupped her cheek. "You got it, Lil, but we got dinner with my parents and brother on Friday. You know Ma's gonna weed it outta you. She got it outta Ali who didn't even know she was pregnant. She just...knows."

"We will work it out then. For now, I need water and a toothbrush." She looked over at her sister. "You have a spare?"

"Yeah, I'll take you to the guest bathroom." She looked at Scotty who didn't want to let go of his wife and wanted to continue talking about their baby. "I've got her, Scotty. You can have her back at dinner."

"Or," Lilly counter offered, "you could ask Celeste if she has any kind of soup I could eat. I can't eat tuna. Tell her some type of cover for me, please."

"Will do." He kissed the tip of her nose and let Chris have her, but he didn't follow them inside. He waited until they were gone before he pulled out his phone to let his mother know about a change in dinner plans. If Lil got sick on tuna, he couldn't imagine what his mother's Friday night fish would do to her. It would be delicious as always, but if Lilly was going through a no fish phase, he wanted to alert his mother, though she might get suspicious. If she asked, it wasn't like he was telling her, right? Loophole.

Suddenly his phone was out of his hands in the middle of his text, he looked up to find Chris smirking at him and behind her was his beautiful and I-knew-it faced wife. He smiled sheepishly, Chris handed the phone over to Lilly, and they went back inside, laughing together for the first time in...decades. It felt nice to laugh with Chris again, and Lilly hoped whatever came next felt just a nice and that trust wouldn't be wasted again. She did long to have a sister again, to be close to the other living piece of their mother, so she'd a chance. Maybe Chris would surprise her. The last ten years certainly had.

––

"Weren't you worried it'd all backfire in your face?" Carol was helping Regina color in the raccoon she'd moved onto when she'd colored out of the lines on the dolphin. "I mean, especially since Chris already made moves on Scotty in the past."

"It's still a fresh relationship," Lilly informed her. "But it's been great to have her around again. She's the only blood I have, beside my kids, and I missed that connection. I haven't told Scotty, but I do have anxiety about them ever meeting up without me. I trust Scotty, don't get me wrong, but...old habits die hard."

"Daddy loves you," Regina told her as she scribbled away. "Chris reminds him of bad times."

"What?" Lilly glanced at Carol then back to her daughter. "He told you that?"

She shook her head. "He told Auntie Chris that."

"Where was I?" Lilly did not remember any kind of conversation like that between her sister and husband.

"You were with Abuela and Jon upstairs. Daddy was showin' me how to change Valera, but I don't wanna ever do that." She made a scrunched up face in disgust, and Lilly chuckled. "Chris came in to offer a hand, and Daddy told me to go check on you, and I was gonna, but I forgot Prisella. I heard them arguing, and I waited until they were done, but Daddy told her to drop it, that she reminded him of a bad time in his life, and she kept apologizing."

Lilly recalled Chris saying she wanted to apologize for what she did to them back in 2005, but she didn't know she'd actually try. She thought they could put it behind them. She and Scotty had repaired their partnership and friendship, and they were better than they were before. Lilly had forgiven her in that respect, but it was more of their actual relationship they needed to work out since it'd been rocky after she slept with Lilly's fiance. Trust and Chris weren't in the same sentence when it came to Lilly, but Chris was trying. She was standing on her own two feet. She wasn't trying to find a man—certainly not one already attached to Lilly—and she was there for her daughter. She was focusing on being a mom, and Lilly could respect that. There was a point, but it seemed Chris finally grew up. After all this time...

Lilly smiled at her daughter. "Did Dad find you listening and tell you not to tell me?"

"Yeah." Regina looked up. "But I don't see why I shouldn't."

Carol snorted a chuckle. "Sorry." She drank the rest of her tea to cover her laughter.

"I think you should see your mother. Being with Chris now means everything to me. We have so much to rebuild, but it's worth it to know my little sister for the first time. She's hurts me so much in the past, like how I imagine your mother has hurt you, but...it worked out. We both had to learn those hard lessons to arrive at a point where we could make amends. It's taken thirteen years, but we're getting there. Baby steps have...brought me a lot of joy, so trust me on this. If I could have one more moment with my mom..." She inhaled deeply and shook her head.

She swallowed thickly and decided to think on it.

"Oh, crap." Lilly double checked the time. "We have to go. I promised Chris I'd help her plan Sami's birthday party. I completely forgot."

"Sami!" Regina gasped. "We gotta go!"

"No, we aren't going. I'm going. You have school." She stood up and threw away their trash.

"I hate school." Regina's nose scrunched. "It's stupid."

"Yeah, but it'll get better once you have friends." She smiled at her. "And winter break is coming up."

"Not soon enough." She heaved a sigh. "But Halloween is coming up. Daddy's gonna come with me this year, so I have to think of a customer for us!"

Carol laughed at the child's major dilemma. "I'm sure you'll find something great."

"I hope so." She looked up at her mom and leaned over the table. "Can't you come with us?"

"Come with you where?" Lilly checked the cup of hot chocolate to see it was half-way empty and made a mental note to ask them for half hot chocolate and half of whip cream next time to reduce the waste. If Scotty was here, he'd finish it off. Lilly wasn't a fan of sweets, food or drink, so she'd just have to let it be waste.

"Trick or treating." She smacked her hands over her mothers, and Lilly caught one small hand and smirked at her when Regina couldn't wrestle it free. "Please."

"I can't. I have to stay home with the twins. You know that. Scotty won the right to trick or treat with you, but I get next year. The twins might be able to come, if it's not too cold. We could go altogether." She released her hand. "Put your coat on."

"Do the twins have to come?" Regina grumbled.

"Yes, Gina, they have to come." She walked around the table to her and wrapped the girl up in a hug, Regina giggled, and Lilly kissed her cheek. "But they'll be too young to eat the candy, so we'll just horde it all and eat it together."

"We won't share with Daddy?" Her eyes sparkled at the idea.

"Not even with Daddy." She handed her daughter her coat, and Regina slipped into it, letting her mom zip it up. "Just us girls."

"Okay."

"But that's next year." She cupped her chin. "And you need to be nicer about the twins. I know they're a lot, but they're just young. You'll be able to play with them in a couple years, and you will love them."

She didn't look so sure, but she went with it. "I guess, but no more."

Lilly giggled. "We have a deal."

She hugged her. "I love you, Mommy."

"I love you, too, mi amor." She picked her up and squeezed her, looking at Carol. "If I wouldn't have repaired old relationships, I wouldn't have my daughter or my twins."

"Yeah, but Scotty proved he was worth it." She adjusted her scarf and tugged tight up to choke herself. "My mother...proved I'm worthless."

"But you know you're not, and you don't have the full story. Reach out then decide." She set Regina back down in her chair and grabbing her beanie and tugging it down. "It...helps you in a way you didn't know you needed. Honestly, if I hadn't tried with Scotty or with my father or with Chris, I'd be very alone right now. It honestly scares me to consider how opposite my life would be."

"Just because it worked out for you doesn't mean everyone else is so lucky."

"Trust me, Carol, I know I'm one of the lucky ones. My life was constantly on the edge of being cut short or turning down a path of utter isolation, but I fought that. Scotty fought that with me, and I am happy for the first time in my life. Ten years out of forty-nine I've known actual happiness. You have an opportunity to to reach that sooner. Childhood memories aren't always remembered how they truly are. Talk to her. Get closure. Close that door or restart your relationship, but don't let it linger. You never know what is going on with people when they make rash decisions."

Carol looked into her eyes and saw a world of raw agony behind there, and she felt a lump swell in her throat. She couldn't breath or speak, but she nodded her head.

"The past can convince you this grudge is worth it, but one day...you'll start to question if it was. Don't let that happen. Go see her, shake up her life like she shook up yours and get answers. Decide then what you'll do."

"Hakuna matata!" Regina chimed in.

"No, honey, that's not..." She sighed softly. "Well, sort of a point, I suppose."

"I've made up my mind, but thank you both for the conversation and the...advice." She shrugged into her coat and pushed her chair in. "I had a good time. You helped me clear my head. I'll um, let you know how it works out."

"Please do." Lilly offered a goodbye smile.

She ventured out into the cold and called Tara to let her know what was going on as she walked the street. She would hail a cab eventually, but she needed to talk to Tara, and she needed to apologize. Tomorrow was a type of baby shower for Rosita. An un-baby shower, really, and she wouldn't be able to make it. She'd have to bring her back a souvenir from the pine tree state.

By the time she returned to Daryl's apartment with a duffel bag, he had already booked their flights. She hadn't even called him to let him know she'd decided to go and see her. He just knew, and she hugged him and thanked him for wanting to come along with her. Aaron couldn't with Rosita so close having the baby, and Tara was devoted to the cold case she was working parttime, plus her girlfriend could go into labor any day now. Carol kissed that round belly and made Grace promise to wait until she'd returned to come out, but it was Rosita's DNA. She'd likely pop out the moment they landed in Maine.

Carol laced her fingers through Daryl's on the armrest, he assured her it'd be okay, and she only grew more ashen. He tried to calm her down during the flight, but he learned it had nothing to do with her mother and everything to do with the flight itself. She didn't like enclosed spaces, certainly not when that enclosed space was in the air and could kill them if one thing went wrong. He was able to calm her down until they touched down in Maine an hour and a half later.

Daryl collected their shared duffel bag since they weren't going to be here very long, and Carol hailed a taxi to take them to Willa's address. She had checked in at her workplace to ensure Willa wasn't there, and she hoped that meant she was at home. She studied the houses and cars they passed as they neared her home, Daryl noticed how the slip of paper with Willa's address on it vibrated in Carol's hand, and he slid his hand down to her inner thigh, squeezing with enough pressure to make her jolt. She set her free hand other his and nodded without looking at him, and the paper began to still. He stroked her inner thigh with his thumb to reassure her, and this time she did look at him.

"I'm scared," she confessed, tears in the corners of her eyes, and she felt like she was thirteen years old again, coming home to only Ed, smirking at her like she was a meal. She couldn't breath, and suddenly her neck was itchy. She felt bumps raising up on the skin there, and she requested the cab driver take them to their hotel. She couldn't do this right now. It was too soon. This was happening too quick.

By the time she threw open the hotel bedroom door, her entire body had broken out in small hives, and she curled up beside the bed to try and force air into her lungs. Daryl closed the door and dropped the duffel bag beside it, moving to her side to aid her as she ripped off her coat and scarf.

"Easy, take it easy." He pulled her against him, her hand curling around her red throat, and she moved her ear over his chest to hear his heartbeat. She closed her eyes and let the sound ease her apprehension, and he rubbed her arm. "It's all right."

Once she was calm, he ran down the road to get a few things from the local pharmacy and returned to draw her a bath with eucalyptus oil and lavender salts. She curled up into the soothing warmth, and he was glad he'd talked to Amy before he booked the flight.

"I've never had anxiety hives before." She looked over from where she'd nestled in the tub. "Great start, right?"

"They're goin' away." He sat outside the tub and rubbed the water into her shoulder blade, trying to loosen the tension there. "You'll be fine the next time."

"I hope so." She buried her face in her knees and groaned. "Why is it always you taking care of me? Why can't I take care of you?"

"What?" He stilled his fingertips and pulled his hand back.

"We've both gone through the same abuse, but you're...so solid. I'm like flimsy wire." She lifted her head and exhaled. "I... I feel so pathetic."

"We didn't go through the same abuse, and I was able to get away when I was fifteen. He let us go. Ed never let you go. It's different."

"What do you get out of this relationship, though?" She scrutinized his face as she spoke, taking in every brow twitch, every movement of his lips, every passing judgement in his eyes—all of it. "Aside from sex and my cooking. What do you get out of this?"

"I get you." He dipped his fingers into the water and rubbed hard into the small of her back, she groaned at the pressure, then something popped, and she moaned, smiling at the release there. "And I love you and all that comes with you, even if it ain't easy."

She snuffled. "You seem too good to be true sometimes."

"I wouldn't know about that, but you take care of me, too. In more ways than you can ever know."

Her heart flipped in her chest as he smiled at her, and she shyly returned it. He continued to rub the oil fused water into her skin until the water ran cold. She dried off and changed into jeans and a turtleneck sweater. She checked the time and saw it was only after five. She had no interest in the sights of Maine, and Daryl was watching her closely, trying to read her mood.

"Why don't we get something to eat? Are you hungry?" She hadn't eaten anything today, and she wasn't hungry now, but she thought she might as well ask.

"I had lunch with Amy and Tom."

She nodded. "Want to try and see my mom again?"

"Yeah. You ready?"

"It's now or never, so...yeah."

They headed out, he laced his fingers through hers as they waited on the cab they'd called, and they headed towards the Brook household. She did better this time, and they were able to get to the house. There was one car in the driveway, Carol knew it was registered to her husband, Lionel. She gripped his hand tighter, and he guided to the front door. She wanted to crawl into his side, but she had to face her mother—or her mother's husband—and get some answers. Or likely wait until she returned home and then get those answers.

As they reached the front door, a car pulled up, and two arguing kids climbed out. Carol saw a woman getting out of the driver's side, and the kids were close to yelling. The woman stepped between them, the girl glared at her brother and headed for the door, stopping at the sight of two strangers at the steps and eyeing them.

Carol looked over the girl, and she looked just like Carol did at sixteen. Wild curls down to her chin, only hers were brown instead of red, and her eyes were more green than blue, and she had a jawline so familiar Carol wanted to throw up again. She was beautiful though, covered by in winter gear and staring them down, but beautiful.

"Mom!" she called once she'd gotten a good look at the pair.

"Oh, shut up, Artie!" the boy snapped.

"Cane, that's enough." She shook her head and spotted the man and woman at her doorstep. She doubted they were new neighbors, but she would greet them all the same. She might be able to extend her social circle, maybe they had a kid Artie could babysit. Show her some responsibility.

Cane ran by his mom and stopped beside his sister, Artie, and he smirked at the woman, and Carol sent him a warning glare. She knew he was checking her out, and he would thoroughly disappointment and horrified to learn they were half-siblings. They had the same skin tone, after all, but he was young and probably didn't think like she did. All he saw was a nice bod hugged in a tight sweater. Maybe she should have gone for the t-shirt and coat.

Cane looked so different from Artie with wavy auburn hair, freckles popping up all over his cheeks and forehead and nose, hazel green eyes and pale skin. He had to be no older than thirteen, and he looked like he was an ornery little prick, but she'd fine out for herself later one. If this went well, that was. She might just be left to her assumptions.

"One second." Willa moved by the couple and unlocked the door to let her kids inside to get out of the cold. "Straight to your bedrooms."

"Ugh!" Artie stormed inside and rolled her eyes.

"Ugh," Cane mocked her.

"Cane, enough." Willa shook her head and turned to the couple with a shake of her head and pulling out a warm smile. "Sorry about that. How can I help you?"

Carol stared at her mother and felt her bones morph to marshmallow fluff. She was the same beautiful woman Carol remember, only a little older, a few laugh lines under her eyes, a bit of spark still in her eyes. She looked so compassionate and inviting, and it was like nothing with Ed had ever happened to her. Carol felt unwelcome here, like she was intruding, and she shook her head.

She moved away from Daryl and started to call another cab, her eyes burning and fingers incorrectly dialing.

"Carol." Daryl hadn't moved from the walkway.

Willa gasped softly and moved out of the doorway to the path, looking over the back of the young woman before her. "Carol? C—Carol Anne?" She hurried over to her and moved around to see her teary face. "My God...that's you, isn't it?"

Her sobs grew violent, Daryl instantly moved to console her, but Willa pulled her into her arms. She smoothed down her curls and hushed her, shedding tears of her own and kissing her temple. "I'm here, sugar. You're here, too. Thank God." She held her tighter. "Oh, thank God."

––

Willa invited them into her home once they both had stopped crying, their boots piled at the door beside the kids', and Willa was going in circles to get them coffee to warm them up and to get her husband down there, and Daryl was trying not to laugh. Carol was still shaking from her mild breakdown, but she was smiling. So far so good, he'd say.

"Okay, so I don't know how you like your coffee anymore, but I have sugar and plain cream. The kids like mocha cream, so I can get some of that, too."

"It's fine. Sit, please." Carol felt awkward about helping herself to anything on the tray, but Daryl made himself a coffee and accepted a maple scone without a moment's pause.

"Please, please, help yourself." Willa couldn't take her eyes off of Carol, smiling wider and prouder by the second. "You're so beautiful."

She blushed. "Thank you, Um, so are you."

She beamed. "I swear that man." She was up again and called to her husband.

"He's on the phone!" Artie called back. "I have trig! Please stop yelling!"

"Well, what do you think you're doing now!" Cane shouted back.

"Bite me, meal worm!"

"I'd rather eat a meal worm!"

"Guys!" Lionel's voice came now and he walked to the end of the hall to the stairs. "No yelling unless we're ordering out. That's the one rule when I'm on the phone. Now hush and get to doing your homework."

Willa smiled lovingly up at him. "Come down here, you slowpoke."

"Well, I worked hard for fifty-eight years to be this level of slow. I've earned it." He bounced down the steps and kissed her cheek with a smirk. "What is it? New neighbors?" He spotted the couple on the couch from the landing.

"No, better." She guided him around the couch and inhaled to steady herself, warmth blossoming in her chest at the sight of her baby girl. "This is Carol, Lionel. My...my Carol."

Lionel wasn't an obviously handsome man, but he did project an aura of acceptance and laughter. He had graying blond hair, faint freckles, the same eyes as Cane, and he stood about a two inches taller than Daryl. He didn't appear anything like Ed, the very opposite, and Carol knew just how opposite when those hazel greens filled with tears. He had gasped, his breath catching, and he turned to Willa to ask. "Y—your Carol?"

"Um, hi." She stood up to shake his hand, but the man pulled her into a tight embrace, and she blinked before relaxing into him. Damn, he was a great hugger. Not too tight, just enough squeeze, and he didn't linger. "Um, hi again."

"You're just... Wow. Just wow." He laughed like he was seeing a miracle. "I—I'll be damned. I thought we wouldn't find you. Gosh, we looked everywhere."

"I told you that PI was worthless." Willa rolled her eyes at the mention of the man and sat down in the armchair safely away from the roaring fire.

"Clearly." He found a seat before he fell down in shock. "You look so different from you pictures."

"She was thirteen," Willa reminded. "A girl. Now she's a lovely woman."

"And who is this?" Lionel offered a smile to the young man beside her.

"This is my boyfriend." Carol set a hand on his knee and smiled at him. "Daryl Dixon."

"How handsome." Willa winked at her daughter, who laughed shyly. "It's lovely to meet you, Daryl. I don't know how much you know, but I'm Carol's mother, Willa Brook. This is my husband of the last fourteen years, Lionel Brook."

"It's great to meet you." Daryl shook Lionel's offered hand and sat back down, nudging Carol, but she shook her head.

"I can't believe this is happening. I've dreamed of this, but I never thought it would actually happen." She blinked back tears. "God is good."

"He is," Lionel bobbed in agreement. "You have to stay for dinner, meet the kids—your siblings."

"Oh, please stay for dinner." Willa scooted the edge of her seat. "There's so much I—I have to know, have to tell you in return. God, fifteen years worth of telling and knowing. I—We can't fit it into one night. How long are you in town for?"

"We hadn't decided." Daryl glanced at Carol, and she realized she hadn't even called Boss to let him know she wouldn't be in tomorrow. This was a very impromptu trip. They should have planned more. "Our room's just for today and tomorrow though."

"If you want to stay longer, we have a guest bedroom," Lionel offered. "You'll have to fight Rosie for it."

"Rosie?" Carol tilted her head to the side. "You have a dog?"

"She's Artie's chinchilla. She has high anxiety, so we made a little bed in there for her with soothing oils, and she likes to stay there during the colder seasons. She won't mind giving it up, though. She loves to be with Artie."

"Maybe. It really just depends."

"Mom, I'm starving." Artie dangled over the railing with a pout. "I can't focus on my trig on an empty stomach."

"Dinner's not till six. Have a snack." She met her eyes. "You have arms, sugar."

"Are those maple scones?" Her eyes lit up. "You said those were for the Robinsons."

"I'll make more."

"Could I have one?" She was already down the stairs and scooting over towards them. "Please?"

"I suppose, but I better see that trig finished by dinner."

"I'm fifteen, not a miracle worker." She plucked a couple scones off the plate and nodded to their company. "New neighbors?"

"No, they are more important than neighbors. I'll introduce you later." Willa stood up to scoot her alone. "If you need help, just ask."

"All right." She ran back upstairs and munched on the scone on the way.

"Sorry about that." Willa rubbed her hands over the back of her pants and inhaled. "I have to run to the grocery store since I couldn't take those two with me earlier. Um, are you all right to wait here? Or do you want to come along?"

"I'll wait here, but thanks for the offer." Carol tried to smile and hoped her mom bought it.

"I'll go." Daryl hopped up. "Ain't one for downtime."

"Great." She grinned. "I'll get my keys."

Carol whipped her head around once they were both gone and glared at him. "What are you doing?"

"We'll need some snacks for the hotel room, and I ain't about to pay for another cab. Besides what's the harm?" He leaned down and kissed her. "Get to know Lionel. We'll be back soon."

She sighed. "Well, I have no choice."

"You will be fine. I'll bring you a tea back. A hot tea, not a bubble tea." He rubbed her knee. "You okay?"

"Yeah, for now." She smiled and kissed him goodbye. "Make it something minty, please."

"You got this. I love you."

"I love you too. Thank you for doing this with me."

"Any time." He kissed her temple and went to the door to put his boots back on.

Carol watched Daryl and her mother leave for the grocery store, Cane downstairs to get something to drink and waved at Carol, and Carol waved back. Lionel told him to hurry back upstairs to finish up that paper. He made a face when his dad turned around and went back to his room.

"You're strict on homework?" Carol helped herself now to the coffee, needing something to wet her desert dry mouth.

"We have to be. Cane's been hiding his report cards, and we got a call from his teacher last week to discuss his failing grades. He has a learning disability, and we've medicated him to help focus through the noise, but we have to stay on him. He's doing better."

"And Artie?"

"Oh, she's brilliant." He sat down beside her but with enough space to not make her uneasy. "She is artistic and quick as a whip, but she's lazy. She had no motivation whatsoever, so we have to keep on her."

"That sounds rough."

"Sometimes." He drank his coffee black and peeked at her. "So, did my ears deceive me, or did I hear you love that boy?" Her cheeks ran scarlet, and she tucked hair behind her ears, stammering, but she was able to get out a yes, and he chuckled softly. "Yeah, you must. And he loves you."

"He does."

"He's good to you?" He hadn't sensed any alarming body language between the two, and Carol looked at him with love and thankfulness, not fear or questioning. He worried, but she seemed to have a good head on her shoulders. He hoped a good man by her side as well.

"He... He's better than good to me. He's...the best man I have ever met, and I hope to spend as much time as I can growing with him. I hope it's for the rest of my life, but I dunno where life will take us, so." She shrugged a shoulder to try and lighten the meat grinder devouring her heart at those words.

"I'm glad you have each other then." He lifted up the plate of scones. "Try one. I made them this morning."

"Oh, thanks." She accepted one. "Um, how did you meet my mom?"

He blew out a sigh and thought back. "I met your mother at the grocery store. I had a run away cart, she was crying by the bus stop. I asked her what was wrong, and she was reluctant to talk to me. I tried again, but she was closed off. So, I went and did my shopping, promising if she was still out there to see if there was anything I could do to help, and sure enough, the bus hadn't come yet."

"What'd you do then?" Carol bit into the scone.

"I didn't want to pester to do much, so I offered her a tissue and told her God was with her, and it'd be okay. I... I noticed then she was pregnant, and I asked her if she had anywhere to go. She was staying with a friend supposedly, but I didn't believe it. It felt like a lie, so I offered to drive her to her friend's home. She's a smart one, nearly tripped me up with her lie, and she told me she had it covered. Strong, independent woman who doesn't need a man." He laughed, because it was who Artie was growing up to be.

"Wait, so..." Carol shifted on the couch. "Artie isn't yours?"

"No, but she doesn't know that, so keep it to yourself, please. I'm the only father she's ever known, and I want it stay that way. You and I both know her natural father could never...come close to stepping into the shoes of a father."

She se the scone down instantly, struggling to swallow the piece in her mouth, and she gagged. "Her father...is Ed?" She covered her mouth with her hand.

"Her sperm donor," he corrected softly, "as Willa likes to call him, but yes."

"Christ." She dropped her hand and gulped. "She was pregnant with his baby...and she just..."

"I know it's a lot to swallow." He set a hand on her shoulder. "But let her explain. She... It wasn't easy for either of you."

"I doubt that's true." She stood up. "Where's the bathroom?"

"Down the hall, first door on the left."

She hurried to the bathroom without looking back, closing and locking the door and turning the water on. She cupped out cold water and drank it, drenching a washcloth in the frigid water to rest it on the back of her neck, and she closed her eyes, listening to the water rushing. She evened out her breathing and tried to recall if her mom was visibly pregnant at the time of her vanishing, but she couldn't recall. She was so young, and memories of her mother were so few. She couldn't remember.

"Fuck." She smacked her forehead against the counter then lifted her head to see a picture of Artie and Cane at the beach. They had to be around six or five, smiling at the camera, and Carol shivered. Yeah, she and Will both endured the same shit. She found a man who would respect and love her, and Carol was struggling to figure her place out in the world. No matter how much love Lilly and Tara offered, she still struggled. She was still struggling now, but Mom looked just fine. They all looked just fine, and she was angry. This was such a mistake.

She wrung the washrag out and left it on the sink, sitting down on the edge of the tub and praying Daryl returned soon. She wanted to go home and be there for Grace when she was born. She wanted the simplicity ignorance offered. She didn't want to know her mother was raising her half-sister in a good marriage while Ed beat the shit out of her and cut off all her ties to the outside world. She didn't want to hear how loved and cherished Lionel made her feel while Ed broke her wrist and told her very detail of Emily's rape. She couldn't do this. She didn't want to do this anymore. It was so stupid. Ed's final blow. He always got to win, and this was... this was the deepest wound he'd ever given her.

She heard a knock on the door and looked over when the door opened, something squeaked and entered the room, bouncing about, and Carol looked down at the chunky thing that had to be Rosie. She smiled and looked over the grey and white chinchilla who made her way over to Carol, digging at her foot through her sock, and Carol wasn't sure how to handle it. Did she pet her? Pick her up? What did one do with a chinchilla?

"Rosie, c'mon, no scratch." Artie entered the bathroom and sat down on the fuzzy floor mat by the sink, chirping at Rosie, who immediately went to her. "Good girl."

"Didn't I lock that door?"

"Yeah, but the locks don't work." Artie met her eyes. "Dad disabled them."

"Oh. Am I in your way?" Carol made to stand, but Artie shook her head.

"No, I wanted to check on you. Dad's calling Mom to talk to her something, so I snuck downstairs to talk to you." She pointed up to the vent in the ceiling. "My room's up there. I heard you cussing."

"Oh."

"Figured it had to be bad for the f-bomb." She met her eyes, and Carol noticed she was wearing glasses now. "What's up? I'm Artimes, but everyone calls me Artie. You're Carol, right?"

"Yeah."

"Mom talks about you all the time. I thought she was joking with us, but guess not." She expelled the air in her lungs and bobbed her head. "You're prettier than your pictures."

"Not really." She lowered her eyes. "If you had those pictures as proof, why didn't you believe in me?"

"Google and Photoshop are powerful tools. Mom is always giving us lessons using other people's experiences, so I figured you were an elaborate lesson. I'm glad to be wrong. I could use another girl to talk to in this house."

"I—I'm not here to stay. We're leaving, actually, after my boyfriend gets b—"

"You have a boyfriend?" She gasped. "Whoa, that hot guy was your boyfriend?"

She couldn't help but laugh. "Yes, that's my boyfriend."

"Dude, that's... insane. I thought you were, like, friends or something. I'm not good at reading signs anyway, but I literally would never have guessed that." She looked impressed now and rubbed Rosie's back. "I'd like to have a boyfriend, but Mom is so overprotective, and all the boys my age are idiots."

"They don't get better with age, trust me." Carol crossed her legs and shook her head the memories of the idiots she'd "dated". "The sex gets better, though, if you're lucky."

Artie blushed and focused on the chinchilla in her lap, while Carol wanted to crawl down the shower drain. She'd forgotten she was talking to a child and not one of her friends. God, she didn't know why she just said that, but it was likely due to her lack of interaction with children. She spent all of her time with adults who drink and talk sex and bills. She didn't know how to talk to kids. Clearly!

"But that's...for when you're older and not...fifteen."

She nodded. "Uh, cool." She laughed under her breath. "You and him have good sex, I take it?"

Okay, if the drain could rise up and swallow her, that would be great. Some classic, corny horror moment. Come on, Pennywise, you love bathroom pranks, kill me! "I don't...think that's appropriate."

"Hey, you brought it up." She smirked at her, looking at her over the rim of her glasses, and Carol frowned at that fair point. "And I'm joking. I don't wanna know about that."

"Good, because I wasn't going there either." She cleared her throat. "Uh, how are you? I hear you have issues—"

"Okay, I can't keep this up. I know you're more than ghost from my mom's past, a story for us to learn from—you're my sister." She lifted her head to make eye contact. "And don't deny it. I'm not stupid. You look just like my mom, and we have the same hair type. I'm good with bone structures, and I know we have to be related. Mom was crying, too, so you're her daughter. The one she lost."

"She talks about me like that? The lost kid?"

"No. She tells us about...how she used to dance with you when you were eight, about how you love chocolate and not fruit, about how you...are scary good at figuring details out on TV shows. She really loves you, you know. She loved telling us about you, but she'd get so sad afterward, and she'd leave for a couple hours. Go downstairs and sit in the quiet. I didn't get it, but Dad told us to leave her be." She adjusted her glasses. "It makes sense now. She was mourning you."

"Yeah, well it's her own damn fault, so I don't feel any remorse for her." She rolled her eyes to keep the burning away.

"That's way harsh." She frowned. "Don't you think she deserves a chance to explain before you just...say stuff like that?"

"You're just a child. You couldn't understand our relationship and what she did to me."

"I understand forgiveness should be reached for first, not hatred or blame. It might sound "silly" coming from a "child", but hey, at least I'm sitting alone in a bathroom, crying like a baby."

She scoffed. "Yeah, you had a good life, so you wouldn't understand hatred or blame."

"You don't know my life."

"I do, actually. You had good parents who raised you to be a free thinker and have confidence. You attend a good high school and have one or two good friends. You're probably on the debate team or bowling team. You probably have a crush on some idiot you think is out of your league, and you argue relentlessly with your little brother, wishing you were eighteen and moving out and going to college instead of be trapped here by overprotective parents and annoying pissant of a brother." Her eyes burned to her little sister's, and Artie stood up. "How close am I?"

"I'm so glad you're leaving and not staying." She opened the door and slammed it on her way out.

Twenty minutes later Daryl and Willa returned, Carol was ready and waiting by the door, and Willa was confused. She tried to get Carol to change her mind, but she wouldn't even look at her. She'd gotten a call from Lionel about their conversation, and she knew what Carol was thinking. She needed to straighten this up. Daryl was on Willa's side, and he urged Carol to hear her out before they left. She wasn't in the mood, so Daryl took her for a walk to try and convince her, but she was upset. She didn't want to listen, and Daryl made her see how ridiculous that was. They came here for closure, and Carol wanted to leave, because part of the story hurt. He wanted to rattle her, but instead he forced her back to the house and into the kitchen to listen. She wasn't speaking to him, but he didn't care.

"I'm glad you decided to come back." Willa worked on dinner, chopping up whole mushrooms.

"I had no choice." Carol plopped down in the kitchen chair and folded her arms, all in the expression and vibes of a grumpy four-year-old.

"Just listen to her," Daryl pleaded.

She rolled her eyes. "Whatever."

Willa chuckled. "Wow, that hasn't changed at all. Same tone."

She cut a look at her mother. "What?"

"Your tone." She leaned against the counter. "Still the same when you're pissed off. That's good to know. I can handle that tone. You used to get pissed off a lot."

"Well, why wouldn't I when your lovely ex-husband would knock me around and berate me when you weren't home? Should I have just smiled and ignored it?"

She dropped her eyes to the floor, swallowing hard and loud enough for Carol to hear, and she turned back to the mushrooms to busy her hands. "I know Ed wasn't...a suitable partner or parent. I can't apologize for that. I can try, but—"

"It'd mean as much as tits on an orange?" Carol offered, glowering at the woman before her. "You sold me out for a goddamn fetus?"

"Watch your mouth." She glanced up through stained glass windows to see Lionel and Cane were too distracted by Cane's homework, and she shook her head. "It isn't like that."

"Yes, it is. Ed got you pregnant, you wanted the kid more than me, so you sold me out and skipped town? Good to know I was right. I'm leaving." She stood up, and so did Daryl, and she looked for a backdoor. "I'm not going to listen to how you didn't want me or how you wanted to start over. I've gone through both of those options over and over for fifteen years. So don't expect me to sit and listen. You're just as bad as Ed was."

She dropped the knife and whirled around to face her, chest heaving in ire, and she cleaned the dirt off her hands to keep from grabbing Carol and yelling at her the truth. "Carol, you have no idea—"

"No! You have no idea!" Carol cut her off, rising a fist to let it fall to her side, and she blinked rapidly to keep the tears at bay. "He beat me every single day for four years! He—he touched me. He watched me shower. He raped my best friend. He would make me say I love him and made me take care of his house and cook his meals. He would—he wouldn't let me leave that house without him being there. He followed me when I was at school. He made sure I had no friends. He terrorized me, and I had nobody."

Willa whimpered as tears rolled down her cheeks. "Oh, God."

"You were supposed to protect me. You—you were my mother, and you just left me with him. You didn't say goodbye or—or leave a note. I had no idea why you were gone, and I was left alone." Her throat felt swollen, words slicing their way out and searing her throat as they did so. She couldn't stop shaking and the room was blurred by her tears. She was anger and hurt and confused all at once, but she was also empty. She had so many things she wanted to say, but nothing else came to mind. She was spent and ready to leave here. There was nothing here for her. There never had been.

"No, wait." Willa caught her arm when she tried to leave. "Please, Carol, wait."

"I waited fifteen years for you, and you never came." She turned to face her. "You—you never came back for me, Mom."

"Let me explain, sugar, please." She cupped her cheeks and wiped away her tears, Carol tried to pull her face away, but her mom wouldn't let go. "I found out I was pregnant with Artie shortly after your thirteenth birthday party. I was two months pregnant. I was scared. I tried to leave with you, but Ed caught me. I told him about the baby to try and avoid a beating, and he... he told me he would let us go. I thought he meant both of us. I thought..."

"You thought wrong." Carol knocked her hands away from her face.

"I was keen to leave, so I signed the divorce papers, but he told me the truth then. I was signing away you, not our marriage, and it was too late for me to do anything. I had no rights, and he wouldn't let me back into the house. He told me if I tried, he'd beat the baby out of me and kill you. I couldn't let him do that, so I left. I sold my wedding ring, bought a ticket and came here to be with an old friend.

"He was sickly and passed on after a month, and... I was struggling. I could barely feed myself, let alone live in her home. Lionel found me, and I didn't trust him. I dodged and avoided him for weeks, but he eventually got through to me. He helped me and your sister without wanting anything in return. He gave me a way for me to help myself, and I found a job with benefits and made some friends. Lionel kept close, to make sure I was settling in all right, and once Artie was born, he just fell in love with her. He came by every day to see her, and somewhere we...fell in love. I told him about you, and we tried to find you. But Ed had moved, and... we had nothing to go on. I tried to contact old neighbors, but Ed didn't talk to them. I hired a private investigator, but...you were just gone. I tried to bring you home, Carol. I swear I did. You're my baby, and I love you. I wanted to bring you with me, and if I had been more cautious instead of overzealous to leave, everything would have been better."

Carol shook her head, refusing to believe this. She'd convinced herself her mother didn't want her anymore, that she'd stopped loving her, and then Ed told her she'd sold her to him, she went with that, too. She couldn't...think of a single time when she thought her mother might love her. Not since the first few weeks of Mom leaving, but that was wishful thinking. Wishful. It wasn't a real option. It couldn't be. Her mom couldn't...seriously...

Mommy's gonna come and take me away from here, she told herself, lying under her head, snuffling, her eye swollen shut, her shoulder aching, her thighs sore from the hand sized bruises there. She clamped her hand down over her mouth and sobbed. Mommy's gonna come. She'll come. She will. She would never leave me.

But there were heavy footsteps in the hall, and Ed would find her as always, and Mommy never came. Carol was left alone with that piece of shit for four years, and nobody ever came to help her. She would go to school with bruises all over her body where clothes could hide them, and she'd just smile. She'd smile and avoid questioning looks and pretend it was all okay until she went home and relived the same nightmare over and over again.

There was no room or those thoughts, for her hatred, to be incorrect. She'd endured so much as a child, and Ed was to blame, but so was her mother. She had brought her into this world and left her far too young to fend off all the badness of it. She wasn't ready, and she fell down a dark path that nearly cost her her life. Had she not met Lilly that day, Carol would killed herself, and this would all have been over. And the cause behind the desire—the need—to kill herself was her mother abandoning her. The woman who was meant to love her unconditionally left her with a man who hated her unconditionally, and that was that.

Yet it wasn't. It was just another trick of Ed's, more of his brainwashing, and if she would have just reached out when she was a rookie, this hole could have been filled. But she didn't, because Ed had planted seeds she nurtured and raised all on her own for years, buying into his bullshit lies more than the memories of her mother's affection, because a fist was more real than the memory of words.

"I am so sorry. I tried so hard for so long, and I—I wasn't sure you were even alive. I went through every obituary I could find of girls with your description, but there was nothing. I prayed for you more than I have prayed for anything. I would have taken all of Ed's abuse and his threats just to free you from him."

She tried to speak, her throat tight, her face reddening as tears profusely flowed down her cheeks, and she wheezed. "I tried to kill myself, Mom."

"No, no, God, no." She pulled her into her arms. "My baby, no."

"I tried to kill myself, a—and I was able to get away." She buried her face in her mother's shoulder as she had done so many times as a child and had longed to do so many times as a teenager, and she sobbed for the thirteen year old girl crying alone under her bed, praying for the pain to end. "Mom, I was so alone."

Daryl slipped out then to let them have this time and to meet Carol's half-siblings, Lionel was happy to make introductions, and Carol and Willa didn't come out of the kitchen for at least an hour and a half. Lionel didn't want to interrupt, the kids had the maple scones, and Daryl helped Artie with her English assignment. She was weird with him for the first ten minutes then relaxed. He figured she was shy, so he was careful not to embarrass her, and he could imagine how Carol was at her age. He knew if he had been around her, he would have gotten her out from under Ed's thumb. They could have run away to Philly together, but who knows what their relationship would have been. As much as he wanted to remove Ed from her life, he didn't want to risk changing a single thing between them now. Couldn't have it both ways, as they said.

Carol stepped out of the kitchen, Daryl immediately went to her, grasping her hip in one hand and her cheek in the other, and she assured him she was okay. They had talked, and Carol forgave her. It was going to be okay between them, and he kissed her temple. Her eyes were puffy and had to be sore, so he tinderly kissed her eyelids, and she weakly smiled, thanking him softly.

"Do you want to stay longer?" he inquired.

"No, two days is enough for now. I don't want to miss work. Well, I can't really afford to." She snuffled. "We can come back for the holidays, though. If you want to come back with me, I mean. You do have Merle and Amy, so it's up to you."

"I can do both."

"Well, I'm glad to hear that." Lionel approached them. "I hate to interrupt, but I should check on Willa, and Cane wants to meet you."

"Yeah, I'd like to meet him." Carol spotted him on the couch. "Have you met them, Daryl?"

"Yeah." He nodded.

"Introduce me then, please." She rubbed her hand over her cheek and inhaled deeply.

"They're gonna love you. Don't worry." He kissed her lips briefly and guided her over to the couch. "So, Artie, Cane, this is your eldest sister, Carol."

"We already met, but we got off on the wrong foot." Artie smiled at her. "I'm sorry. I...overstepped, and I don't know you from Adam. I'm really not good with conversation."

"Yeah, you suck at it." Cane flashed a grin. "S'up? I'm Cane. I'm good at conversation and don't hug onto a glorified rat."

"Oh, shut up about Rosie. She isn't a glorified rat—you are."

"Well, hello." Carol sat down beside Cane. "I don't know anything about you guys, but here are some basics about me. I'm twenty-nine. I'm a homicide detective based in Philly. Um, Daryl is my boyfriend. I...am running out of facts." She laughed awkwardly. "How about you guys?"

"You're a cop?" Cane's jaw hit the floor. "That's awesome! Have you shot anybody? Ooh, has anybody shot you? How many killers do you take down? Is it like all the TV shows?"

"Don't hold back." She rubbed her arm and sent a slightly panicked glance to Daryl. "Um, I don't want to talk about shootings, but no, it's not like all the TV shows. It can be really challenging, and evidence isn't always easy to find or use sometimes. But I love my job and my squad. They are my family."

"Are we your family too?" Artie whispered from her armchair.

"Biologically yes, but it's gonna take time for us to feel like we're family. I do want to get to know you two and your parents, but I don't know how successful I'll be with work as demanding as it is. I'll definitely make time for visits around the holidays, and um, you can text me or video chat me. I might not respond right away, but I'll get back to you. I'll try and make this work, if you two will try alongside me."

"I'm game. I have to have one cool sibling, and the cop thing pretty much beats out anything Artie could have done." Cane hopped up. "I'm gonna get a soda. You guys want anything?"

"Can you suddenly go mute? 'Cause that would be great." Artie offered a tight-lipped grin.

He shot her a drop-dead stare and went to the kitchen.

"He'll grow up eventually," Carol assured her.

"Not soon enough." She huffed. "I'd like your number, if that's okay."

"Yeah, it's okay." She dug her phone out of her pocket. "Here, just add your number, and I'll call you later so you'll have mine."

Daryl snatched her phone and unlocked it, closing out of her tabs before letting Artie add her number.

"What are you doing?" Carol eyed him.

"Remember last week when I was stuck in a traffic, and you entertained me?" he murmured by her ear, and she looked mortified at the thought of her little sister reading those messages.

"Good call."

They stayed for dinner, Carol told them about her job and her friends, Daryl remained silent to let Carol this time with her family, but Willa and Lionel were curious about him, too. He found himself blushing as he spoke on his business, which officially opened in a new location for customers on the 14th of November. Carol beamed at him with pride and love, and Willa's heart ached less to know Carol had smarter taste in men than her, and Lionel playfully threatened to come after Daryl if he neglected Carol in anyway. Willa shook her head, Carol wanted to crawl under the table, and Cane made a joke about his bad back, and laughter drown out the rest. All in all, it was a really nice meal, and Carol felt welcome to come back.

They made plans to come back tomorrow for lunch, but they had to get home. Carol didn't have a lot of time off anymore, and Boss could bend the schedule only so far, not to mention Daryl was being hassled to come back and sign off a few last minutes items for the business. Carol hugged her mother goodbye, Artie snuck in a quick hug, but Cane wanted a handshake. She laughed but complied, and Lionel asked for a hug this time. She accepted, and she looked over to see her mom hugging Daryl. She whispered something into his ear, but Carol couldn't make it out.

Lionel drove them back to their hotel, Carol thanked him and headed inside with Daryl, and Lionel waited until they were inside to leave. Carol and Daryl weaved through the people crowding the lobby and decided to take the stairs back to their room, and Carol plopped down onto the bed once they were in the safety of their room, boots landing on the floor with a thud each. She stretched out and moaned softly.

Daryl chuckled and removed his boots as well, walking over to the bed and lying down on top of her. She laughed and pulled her legs in to his hips, asking him what he was doing, and he grumbled. She stroked his hair and knew it'd been a long day. If he felt all the emotions she'd felt today, he had to be wiped.

"Thank you for doing this with me. I can't imagine how this would have gone without you there."

"You wouldn't have run away. You're too angry." He lifted himself enough to see her face. "You woulda stormed back in there and gone off on your mom. I just saved the walk out."

"Lair." She smiled at him.

"I'm proud of you for doin' this." He searched her eyes. "You needed to do this, and I'm glad you let me be there with you. Got to learn a lot about you today."

"God, all awful things." She winced.

"Yeah, the worst." He teased, "You wore a pumpkin mask for four weeks when you were eight and made anyone call you the Great Pumpkin Queen."

"Oh, no, I forgot about that." She blushed and covered her face with her hands. "Ugh, I forgot Mom had stories."

"And you used to walk around eating your lip balms, and you thought you were a wolf for a week, because a dog scratched you in the park."

"Stop it." She groaned and remembered how painfully awkward a child she was. She used to walk around the house and recite random lines from her favorite movies and demand someone to finish the conversation. She'd storm off if no one got it, and Mom would laugh. She also laughed when she caught Carol singing and braiding her dolls hair, because Carol was seven and kept mixing up songs lyrics. Mom always got a kick in telling humiliating stories.

"And you were a fan of Jolene," he whispered.

"Well, it's a good song." She lowered her hands. "You're Southern. You should get it."

"Yeah, that's Tennessee country, not Georgia country."

"Well, save for the eyes, I felt like I could have been Jolene. Red hair, smooth skin. It was a confidence booster. You're trying to embarrass me, but not with this."

"Sing it for me."

"Oh, hell no."

"Why not? Thought it was a confidence booster?" He smirked at her.

"I was ten! I know now I can't hit those notes, and just no."

"I've heard how high you can get, I doubt that."

"Oh, you're such a..." She chuckled and rolled her eyes. "No way in hell."

"We ain't in hell, Carol."

"You might be real soon. Keep it up."

He laughed and kissed her. "Just a few lines?"

"No, you can't kiss me into singing." She closed her eyes when his lips met her once more, longer this time, and he broke away to request one more time that she sing for him. "Nuh-uh." She shook her head.

"Fine. I'll just see if Willa has any told tapes—"

"You will not." She wrapped her legs around his waist tightly. "I don't know if she does or doesn't, but you aren't going to know either."

"This is extreme—and I can just carry you and get my phone."

"True, but I can fight you for that phone." She smirked at him proudly. "You aren't going to win, Dixon."

"Or I got you right there I want you." He unbuttoned her jeans, and she honestly didn't see that coming, and he kissed her once more. Her legs loosened on his back, and he was tempted to make a run for it and pretend to call Willa, but he didn't want to leave her to do that. He wanted her, and the jokes could come after.

"Wait." Carol stopped his next kiss. "I don't have any condoms. I didn't pack any. Did you?"

He didn't, and he wish he had. He wasn't thinking about it, to be honest. "I can go get some."

"That's too long. I—I didn't fill my 'script. I was too busy with the baby shower for Rosita." She wanted to kick herself for not doing that, because now they couldn't do each other! God damn it. She had one job. She actually had to go back and see her doctor before she could get a refill. Ugh. Damn you, past Carol.

A pregnant pause filled the space between them, Daryl chewed his lips for a moment and tried to think of a solution, and Carol just wanted him to get to where she was. She watched him think for a legit solid four minutes before he shifted on top of her and asked.

"Wanna just risk it?"

She could have cheered. "God, yes." She kissed him and helped him remove his sweater.

– – –

They met with Willa and Lionel for lunch, the kids were in school, and Carol was glad to have her mom mostly to herself. Daryl and Lionel were bonding over some type of hunting or something Carol had little interest in at the moment, but she was happy they were bonding. They might actually be family one day. Maybe. She hoped.

"You can't even hide it," Willa laughed.

"Huh?" Carol blinked and was lost as to what her mother meant. "What?"

"Your feelings for him. It's...blatant, sugar." She was grinning nevertheless. "I'm glad you found a good one."

"I almost didn't. I almost settled."

"Ugh, take it from me, Carol, never settle. It's...better to be alone." She cringed and picked up her iced tea to take a sip.

"Yeah, I know that now." She pulled her legs in closer and smiled.

"Is...it hard to have sex with him?" Willa whispered. "Because of what happened?"

Carol shook her head. "No, I went through that with my first boyfriend. It never really bothered me sexually. I like sex. I mean, I don't have any kind of negative feelings, just...normal jitters. I think. I mean, I dunno. It was so long ago." Honestly, Ed never touched her anywhere intimate. He'd get close to her thigh, but it wasn't for anything sexual. He just dig his nails into the sensitive skin there. She still had crescent-shaped scars in some spots.

"You're careful, right?"

Carol stammered and thought about last night. They'd gone so hard the first time since it'd been over a week since they'd last had sex, and the second time came off some Google suggestion, which was nice. He got really into it and left marks all over her thighs, but in his defense, she had to notice he wasn't sucking on—

"Carol?"

"We are," she automatically replied, and her mom frowned. "We're safe. We don't want kids right now, so trust us."

"All right."

They spent the rest of their time talking, and Carol pulled up a video chat with Glenn and Tara. Mom was so excited to meet her friends, and Carol couldn't help but smile at them talking. She still sent Daryl a glare and lowly promised next time his dick would get marked next time. He accepted the challenge and kissed her, greeting Glenn and Tara, but they only could talk for a little bit. Carol thanked them for picking up, and Tara told her to get home safe and soon. Carol assured her she would, and she ended the chat.

An hour rolled by, and they had to leave for their flight. They drove them to their airport and parted ways with long hugs and assurances of them coming back to visit. Willa made Daryl promise to take care of her daughter—and to use a damn condom—and Daryl had an unwanted flashback to Tara. He shrugged it off and promised he would, and Carol told Lionel to take care of her mom and siblings as well as he always had. He hugged her so tight, and Carol wondered if this was what a father's embrace was meant to feel like. She hoped so, because she was becoming very fond of it. They once more said goodbye, and they boarded. They found their seats, Carol smirked at Daryl, and he told her to turn it somewhere else.

"Wrap your rascal, Daryl," she teased in a low tone so the neighboring people couldn't hear. "Gosh, sir, you defile me."

"Keep it up, and I won't touch you again."

"Ha, I'll believe it when I see it." She kissed his cheek and rested her chin on her knuckles. "But could you please not hickey my thighs?"

"You liked it," he argued.

She fucking loved it, she almost corrected, but didn't. "Look, it was a new position, and we both had our...mouths full, but I didn't leave any marks on you." She did finger him, though. A couple times. Wait.

He chuckled when she realized it. "What is it?"

"You like when I do that," she hissed. "You're just mean!"

"Carol, you do realize you haven't cut your nails in a couple days, right?"

She looked down at her nails and groaned. "Fine, maybe I deserved it." She crossed her arms and huffed. "I'll trim them for next time, and you'd better do me the same favor."

"I always have short nails."

"No, I mean with your fingers. I appreciate the tongue, but your fingers are nice, too."

"You're so demanding, you know that?"

"You got me into it, so who's really demanding here? You treat me a certain way, and I expect it without request." She couldn't pretend and busted out laughing, and he chuckled and rolled his eyes. "I just like having all of you."

"Well, guess you're in luck, 'cause you already got all of me." He kissed her and laced his fingers through hers. "We'll be home soon."

"The baby will be born soon." Carol rested her head on his shoulder. "Then we need to have a talk about our living situation."

"Reckon we do." He looked at her. "You got any ideas?"

"Not one we're ready for, but I'll be thinking."

He set his head over hers and closed his eyes, listening to her soft breathing, and he explored what would come next in their relationship and in their lives on the flight back home. He hoped whatever happened next they were together and still laughing and still supporting each other. That would be one hell of a future, but it was the only one he wanted.