Getting very close to the baby arriving! Assuming you guys are still interested, I'm planning on continuing the story even after the baby is born. I just love writing this story way too much haha. This is one of my favorite chapters actually-- it goes much more in depth to Miles' thoughts. Please keep reviewing!! :) xx

Your Green Light

Later that night, Miles laid on his bed, his nose buried in his copy of The Great Gatsby. He'd read it for English class junior year, but he didn't realize how much the story really resonated with him until now.

The loneliest moment in someone's life is when they are watching their whole world fall apart, and all they can do is stare blankly.

That's how Miles felt tonight as he stared at the night sky from his bedroom window. In a matter of weeks, he'd lost everything important to him-- Lola, possibly the baby... Lola. And it was his own damn fault, he knew. He thought he was justified in breaking up with her after she kissed Saad, but he was realizing more and more that it was really just an excuse for him to do what he did best-- leave when things got tough. He remembered Maya screaming at him in the courthouse during Zoe's trial sophomore year:

When things go wrong, you do the horrible thing, you do the ugly thing!

He'd tried to change since then, prove he wasn't that guy anymore. But he'd sat by Tristan's bedside for over three months and where had that gotten him? He'd supported Lola throughout her entire pregnancy, he'd devoted his whole life to that damn baby, and now she was just suddenly willing it to give it up? Maybe everyone was right-- maybe he did get bored quickly, have a wandering eye, run hot and cold in his relationships. But everyone else abandoned him just as easily. If they were going to leave anyway, why shouldn't he just rip the bandaid off and save himself the heartbreak first?

"Fuck," he cried, tossing the book at the wall. He wanted to scream at the moon. He'd had everything he wanted and he'd fucked it all up. He always fucked things up-- with Tristan, with Maya, with Esme, with his siblings, and now Lola. And his baby. Oh god, the baby. Miles couldn't even handle seeing babies when he was out in public anymore. Just the sight of them made his stomach drop; all he could think about was that he might not ever know his own child.

What if Lola gave the baby up and then one day when he was older he saw a little boy in the grocery store who looked like him? Or a baby girl at the park with his exact color eyes? He didn't want to pressure Lola into keeping it, but the idea of never knowing his son or daughter made him sick to his stomach. God, how could he handle seeing his baby for the first time, holding it in his arms, squeezing its tiny fingers, only to have it taken from him? He didn't think he could handle that.

It was almost funny-- when Lola had first told him she was pregnant, her voice shaky and the words barely coming out, it had felt like his world was ending. Although he would never tell Lola this, he hadn't wanted the baby at first, not one bit. But now, nine months later, this baby was his whole world. And, like Gatsby, all he could do was stare blankly as it fell apart.

Suddenly, there was a knock at his bedroom door. "Hey," Hunter said, walking into Miles' room.

"Hey," Miles said, surprised to see him home early. "What are you doing home already? I thought you were volunteering at prom and trying to talk to Yael."

Hunter shook his head, laughing slightly under his breath. "Yeah, well, I think I fucked that up," he murmured, staring down at the floor. He bit his lip. "Listen, do you still have... do you have any weed on you?"

Miles was surprised-- he never took his little brother for the stoner type. "No," Miles said, shaking his head. "I gave it up last year, after those pills."

"Damn," Hunter muttered.

Miles looked at his brother concerned, remembering that he was supposed to be more of a paternal figure now that their dad was gone. "Listen," he said. "Don't... don't get high just to numb the pain. I've been down that road, I don't want you to go down it too." Miles sighed. "You've got to deal with your feelings; you can't just numb them."

Hunter scoffed. "Where'd you get that spiel-- Ms. Grell?"

Miles laughed. "No, just trying to be a better older brother," he said.

Hunter shrugged. "Alright, well, I'm going to bed," he muttered, turning to leave.

"Hey, wait," Miles said. "It's still kind of early. You wanna... I don't know, maybe stay up and play video games together or something?"

Hunter smiled. "Seriously?"

"Yeah, why not," Miles added, grinning. It had been awhile since they spent any real time together.

They played "Call of Duty" until around 1 am, Hunter crushing Miles in every level. "Alright, I'm really going to bed this time," Hunter yawned. "See you in the morning for your graduation."

Miles nodded. "Alright," he said, feeling sleepy himself.

Hunter stopped for a second. "Miles?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks," Hunter said.

Miles smiled. "Anytime," he said to his brother.

Hunter left and Miles took his shirt off and collapsed into bed, ready to call it a night. But just then, he heard a tapping at his window.

"What on earth.." Miles muttered, fumbling with the lights.

The window opened. Miles nearly screamed as a girl climbed out of it and into his bedroom.

"Esme!" he shouted. "What the hell are you doing here?"

Esme looked like a wreck. "Shit," she muttered. "I... I thought this was Frankie's room."

Miles groaned, looking for his shirt. "Frankie's room is over there," he said, pointing to his left. "And anyway, she isn't even home. Aren't you all supposed to be at prom?"

Suddenly, Esme started crying. "I-- I can't go back, Miles," she said frantically, suddenly holding onto him. "I can't go home either, I don't know what to do..."

Miles just stood there uncomfortably as she sobbed into his chest. "Hey, hey, easy," he said, trying to calm her down. "Whatever it is, I'm sure you'll be fine."

Esme wiped her eyes and looked up at Miles. "Can I stay here tonight?"

Miles pushed her off. "No way."

Esme only sobbed harder. "Please," she begged. "I literally have nowhere else to go." She looked at him with sad puppy dog eyes. "Just for one night? I'll sleep on the floor."

Miles gave in, too tired to argue. "Fine. Just for tonight," he muttered, crawling back into bed. He tossed Esme a blanket and pillow.

"Thank you," Esme whispered. She laid down on the floor. "You know, we had some pretty fun times last year."

Miles rolled his eyes. "Esme, I don't even remember half of junior year."

Esme sighed. "I know," she said quietly, her eyes still red from crying. "But still."

Miles flicked the light switch off. "Well, goodnight."

"Goodnight, Miles. Thank you."