Dean's POV

Where the fuck am I? I start to move around and I don't recognize my surroundings. I feel cheap polyester beneath me and I feel cold and alone. My hands hurt and I look at them and see I have ripped off some of my nails and my knuckles are bleeding. I start to move around and try to find Lara with my hands. When I'm asleep she's usually not more than an arm's length away. I slowly start to sit up and realize I'm in a van. I look up and see Sam driving and Gabby sobbing in the seat next to him. It comes back like a flood. She's gone.

"Pull this fucking van around right now!" I scream. Sam jumps up and turns around and looks relieved to see me awake. "Turn around now! We need to get her!"

Sam starts to shake his head. "No I already called Bobby. We are heading there and we are going to regroup and come up with a plan to get her back. If we go back now we will all get killed. They had has 30 to one back there and by now Crowley is wearing Lara. We are doing this smart or we're not doing it at all." Since when did Sammy grow a pair of balls?

This is impossible. She's gone. I look next to me hoping that maybe I was wrong and she is sitting next to me, but she's not. They took her. She gave herself over to save my life. I don't cry but I can feel tears burning in my eyes begging to be shed. She's gone. It's like the sun has been stolen from the sky and all that is left is pitch black dark.

With her gone I can feel a darkness come over me. I am going to kill every last one of those fucking creatures that touched her and god help anything that hurts her before I find her. I feel the anger take over my body and I can't see I'm so filled with rage. They think they can take away the woman I love and I won't seek revenge? They don't even know what I am capable of, yet I think with a smirk.

We pull into Bobby's drive way and I jump out and don't even bother shutting the door. I yank the front door open and I see Cas pacing the room with Bobby and Jody looking frantically over books. I run over to him and grab him by his collar. "What the fuck happened Cas?" I yell at him.

I see the shame written all over his face. "The demons killed the shape shifters. There were too many of them. They came here too and overwhelmed Bobby and Jody. We tried to stop them but..."

"It's my fault!" Jody bursts out and starts to sob. "They attacked me at work and possessed me. They could read my mind. Bobby found me and exorcised the demon and we called Cas for help. They got the information from my head. It's my fault she's gone." Jody falls into Bobby sobbing uncontrollably. I drop Cas and spin around the room.

I feel the need to punch something, hell kill something, but I know I need to stay focused. "Jody it isn't your fault." I can tell Jody isn't going to listen to me. I walk over to Cas and grab him by the arm. "You're plan didn't work. Now it's my turn. We are going to find every last one of those fuckers and kill them. They stole my woman and I am not going to sit back and go back into hiding. How do we find them?" I say angrily.

Cas shakes me off and starts to pace again. "I know my plan failed and I'm sorry. We will find them and get her back. I don't know where they are hiding out but we have a lead downstairs. We managed to catch one demon and he's chained up but he hasn't spoken yet."

"Let me at him." And I stomp downstairs and to find this creature who helped take Lara from me. Before I can get to the door Cas grabs my arm. "Can you come back from this if you go down there and torture him?"

I shake him off. "I love her Cas and I will go to hell and back if that means saving her." I know I didn't answer his question but I head downstairs and meet the demon who might know where she is.

It's been years since I have used that set of skills but they came back quickly, maybe too quickly. The demon didn't know anything. He knew where they were based but I can tell that they have moved on already. Regardless I'll start there and hopefully find someone else who can find her. What I just did was evil but it felt good to do it. It didn't' take long and he was singing loudly telling me everything I wanted to know. I knew before I started that the body he was in was dead already only hanging on because the demon was in it before it was mortally wounded. I don't know if I could have done it if that body was alive not after what Lara told me it was like.

I stomp back upstairs and see Sam, Gabby, and Cas sitting at the table with a bottle of jack in front of them and three empty cups in their hands. I can hear Jody still crying in the living room and Bobby trying to calm her down. "We have a place to start, a rundown factory in Pittsburgh. We'll head out." They don't fight me. They know I won't be swayed. All of our stuff was left at the cabin. I walk into the living room. "Bobby when you get a chance, head back down to the cabin and get our stuff. I want Lara to have her things when we get her back." Bobby shakes his head and I run upstairs to see if I have anything left to bring with me.

The room feels like her. Her smell is all over it. I feel myself wanting to break down again but I can't. I start to dig through the drawers and I find some old clothes. Some of my old shirts were tucked away in her drawers. How could I have been so dense not to see that she loved me back? I throw them in a bag and slam the drawer. I look at the dresser and see the picture of us together in the Space Needle and grab it. We were happy in that picture. If I was smarter I would have told her then how I felt. Instead I waited too long. I throw the picture in my bag as well. I pull her bracelet out of my pocket and just look at it for a minute. I grab is so tight in my hands I actually feel one of the charms puncture my palm.

I close my eyes and think of our last kiss. She was crying so hard and she held that gun to her head with such resolve I was afraid she would actually pull the trigger. She kissed me and I could feel her trying to drain herself into me with it. "Leave and don't look back" She said to me. How is that even possible? "Move on" she suggested as if I could just wake up tomorrow and forget about her.

When I find her I am going to tether her to me if I have to make sure she doesn't get taken again. I promised her nothing would get her. I promised her I would keep her safe. And they took her from my grasp. I failed her. I was supposed to make sure nothing happened and she got taken from my hands. She trusted me to keep her safe and I let her down. I have to make it right. I shove her bracelet back in my jeans pocket and dig through another drawer. I know it's here.

My mother's engagement ring. Somehow my father found it in the ash of the house. He took it to Missouri and made sure it had no negative energy in it from her death and she swore it didn't. That all it had was the love for her family left in the stone. When I find Lara I am not wasting another moment of our life.

Gabriella POV

It took us three days but we finally got Dean to stop and sleep. We've been to Pittsburgh and got a big load of nothing. Then we went to Cleveland and another big load of nothing. Behind us is a pile of dead demons and I don't know what is ahead of us.

To my surprise when we got to the hotel Dean went right to sleep. I thought he would fight it more but not sleeping for three days can do it to you I guess. Since we got in Sam has been doing research. He has spent every second of the last three days that we weren't killing something on that laptop trying to find a clue has to where she might be. He feels guilty too. He told me he wished he could have turned the van around and gotten her back but it just wasn't safe. I tried to tell him he did the right thing that we need a plan but I feel guilty too. I know the reason he didn't turn around was me. He would have risked his life to get her back for Dean but he wouldn't risk mine.

I've been with Dean for weeks now and I have grown too really like him but right now he kind of scares me. He was so carefree and fun at the cabin. All of that is gone now and he's dark and angry. Sam sees it too. Every once in awhile Sam catches my eye and I can tell from his look he sees it. I've seen him rip demons to shreds with his bare hands. I'm not sure if I've ever seen something so angry or violent in my life. At the same time I know it's all because he loves her that much.

Sam has become something special to me. I don't know what yet. We told each other that we were in love the first time we made love at the cabin. It's hard to think of the cabin now. We were all so happy until Lara was taken. Now I don't know where we stand. It's late and I know Dean is going to have us up and awake early. He hasn't started screaming out yet in his sleep but that may have more to do with the half a bottle of jack he chugged before falling into bed.

I walk over to Sam and shut the lid of his computer. "It's time for bed Sam. We all need to rest." He reluctantly agrees and gets up and falls into bed. I'm not sure if I should get in bed with him or take the couch. Our relationship is still so new and with everything going on I don't know if it is appropriate for me to sleep next to him. While I'm trying to make my decision he grabs my hand and pulls me down next to him. Within a moment I can tell he's asleep. He's on his stomach with his arm over my chest and he's sound asleep.

Just five days ago everyone in this room was happy. Sam and I had been flirting relentlessly at the cabin. Then one morning we kind of bumped into each other while getting ready and we kissed. Then that afternoon on the kitchen table he took me. That was an earth shattering experience, then when he carried me back to our room and told me he loved me I felt my heart explode. We had 24 hours of total joy which is more than I've had for a long time. I think they forget that I was raised by hunters sometimes too. My big plan of getting us some alone time on the drive to town worked. Within 10 miles of the cabin we had pulled over and were hooking up in the back of the van. On the way back we had to pull over two more times. I can't help but blush when I think of us naked in the back of that van.

I can't think of it now. I couldn't possibly think of it while Dean is 5 feet from us and so miserable. Dean starts to moan. I can tell a nightmare is about to hit him. I move Sam's arm and walk over to Dean and shake him awake. He quickly jumps up and grabs the gun from under his pillow. "Easy there tiger. It's just me you were having a nightmare go back to sleep." I see a picture of him and Lara poking out from the top of his duffel and I feel sadness wash over me.

He drops the gun and puts his head back down on the pillow but I very much doubt he will be sleeping well tonight. I walk softly back to my bed and crawl in next to Sam. He must have noticed I was gone because when I get back in he pulls me closer and tighter to him and kisses my cheek. In the dark he whispers in to my ear. "I know this is rough right now Gabriella but I do still love you." I look at him and smile. I kiss him softly and he falls back asleep.

I am finally able to sleep but I can hear Dean screaming out through my dreams I'm just too tired to move. I feel Sam get up a few times in the night and shake him awake and I think I might even get up in a fog once or twice. The worst is how he screams out her name. It is so full of loss and sorrow. He mutters about the children a lot too. I'm not sure what that means.

Around 5 am the room got quiet and Sam and I were able to fall deeply asleep. It didn't last long though at 7 am Dean was shaking us awake. "We gotta move guys." He says casually has he finishes packing his bag.

I don't have much stuff. All I had was on my back and I snagged a few odd pieces of Sam's old clothes and threw them in his bag before we headed out. So it takes me moments to pack up and we're out. When we get to the car Sam sits up front and is asleep in moments and Dean continues to drive like a bat out of hell. "Dean who are the children?" I don't know what possessed me to ask him that but something did.

One look at his face makes me wish I didn't. He looks like I just shot him. He looks at me in the review mirror and I can tell he's trying very hard not to cry. "After Cas told Lara and I what we were supposed to be and do we started having dreams. In those dreams we see the life we were suppose to have including the kids. It's like some kind of sick fucking joke. It's so real when I'm there but it's fake." He doesn't' say anything else.

I reach forward and put my hand on his shoulder. "We'll find her Dean. If you need to talk about them or her you can talk to me anytime." He doesn't say anything for a moment and just keeps focusing on the road.

He pulls something out of his pocket and hands it to me. I look down and I see it's a ring. It's a simple white gold ring with a tear shaped diamond on it. "Do you think she'll like it? It was my mother's." I try not to cry. He wants to marry her. From what Sam has told me about his older brother's track record this is unexpected. He was a bit of player growing up. Commitment was a four letter word to him and he had a woman in every county. But that Dean Winchester is long gone now. The one in front of me is in love with Lara and wants to be committed to her for the rest of his life. I wish Sam was awake to hear this.

I look at it one last time and put it in his outstretched hand. "She'll love it." I just hope we find her or I think he'll kill himself. "Tell me about them Dean." I didn't think I needed to explain further. If he needs to talk about them he will if not he'll keep driving.

After 30 minutes elapse I figure he doesn't want to talk, but then out of nowhere he starts to speak. "The oldest they've been that I have seen is when John is 12. He is supposed to be Christ reborn for the upcoming apocalypse but every time I see him he's just my son. We both know that God is his true father but he calls me Daddy and gives me a present every year for father's day. When I'm there I understand why I would say yes to Michael. I have to protect my son. When he was born Lara was so worried I would be angry because he wasn't my true born son. God asked us to conceive him on our wedding night and I agreed to it. When he came out and the doctor put him in her arms I looked down at him and knew he would always be my son. I looked at her and said I wanted to name him John after my father and she started to cry. He can actually walk on water. Can you believe that? Lara and I took him to a lake one summer when he was about 2 years old with Sam, Ruby, and their son, and we looked out and he was walking on top of the water. You should have seen the look on Lara's face. I wish I had my camera out." He stops for a moment and the trance of listening to him wears off and I look at Sam who is now awake in the front seat staring at his brother intently.

Dean starts up again. "The oldest twins are 9, Cole and Gabe. They have my hair color and Lara's blue eyes. Cole's most prized possession in the world is this stuffed bear named Captain Fuzzy. Actually Sam you gave it to him when he was born. It's sad though because as they get older I see him play with him less and less and I know my baby is growing up. Gabe is a little genius. He must take after his uncle Sammy because he has already skipped a grade and the teachers have him in the gifted program. He's a bit of a mama's boy and Lara dotes on him. One day I came home from work early and he was upset because one of the older kids in his class made fun of him for being a dork and I found her teaching him how to throw a punch to hit the kid the next time he picked on up. I couldn't stop laughing and Lara told me her baby needed to be able to protect himself."

For the first time since Lara has been taken I see Dean calm and not angry. When he talks about his family, even if they aren't real, he becomes almost peaceful. I would never tell him I saw it but I could see tears falling down his face. "Rick and Luke are 7 and they are going to be the reason our hair falls out and turns gray. They have my eyes and Lara's dark almost black hair. They are such a handful and love to pull pranks. When we took them all camping for vacation one summer they stole Cas' old trench coat and brought it with them. Rick got on Luke's shoulders and put the coat and came out of the woods pretending to be a sasquatch but now that I have actually seen one I can tell you they did a bad job of it. Lara freaked out and grabbed Daphne, John, Cole, and Gabe and put them behind her and picked up a stick to defend them with and screamed for me. Once Rick and Luke saw me running out of the woods with a panicked look on my face they started laughing and Rick fell off Luke's shoulders and twisted his arm. Once Lara realized it was them she dropped the stick and held Rick until he stopped crying. When he was better she gave them the lecture of the century and made them sit in separate tents for the rest of the day. That night she cried on me telling me that we should tell them the truth about the supernatural world because she was worried she would have hit them with the stick. I didn't mean to laugh but the idea of her defending herself and the other four kids with a stick just seemed funny. She hit my ribs and started laughing as well. We decided that night that on their 13th birthdays we would sit them down and let them know the truth about everything."

Sam looks back at me and I can see the pain in his eyes for what his brother is going through. "Then there's Daphne. She's 3 and she's a daddy's girl. When she was born I swear to you she grabbed my finger. At that moment Lara laughed and said that for has long as I was alive this little angel would have me wrapped around her little finger. She is blonde like our mom Sam and she has Lara's dark blue eyes. I am worried when she's older I am going to have to beat the boys back with a stick to keep them off her. She's a sweet girl who likes tea parties and her dolls but at the same time she's a bit of a tom boy sometimes. She wants to be one of the boys and is often found instigating them or convincing Rick and Luke to do ridiculous things. I found Rick and Luke tied up to a tree outside once with Daphne running around them. I asked her what she was doing and she started to giggle. I just wanted to see if I could make them tie themselves up she said to me. When she has a nightmare she always comes into our room and crawls into bed with us and holds on to me. She smells like candy and kicks around in her sleep."

There's a part of me that wished I never asked. It hurts me to know he has to dream about this and sees this every night. But the other part of me is glad that he is speaking to us about this. He hasn't cried since she was taken and all that emotion boiling around in there can't be good. He doesn't seem to realize we're even in the car any more. "Then there's Lara. I love the real Lara more than life itself but I can see the similarities between the two. She's a great mom. It's like she was always meant to be a mom. But you guys can see that too. Just look at how she was with us all in the cabin. She is so happy and full of life. We're madly in love. It's been 12 years and every time I'm with her it's like the first time. I'll never be sick of her or stop wanting her. She's perfect. The difference is I protect her on that plane. No one takes her from me. No demon takes over her body and tires to make her open purgatory. That Dean is better for her. He keeps her safe while I let her get kidnapped and god knows what else happen to her. When we get her back how can she forgive me and still love me? I promised nothing would hurt her. I promised I would keep her safe. And what happens? 30 minutes after I finally tell her I love her she gets taken away."

Sam grabs his brother's arm and Dean slowly pulls over the car. "Dean we are going to get her back and all of those things are still going to happen. She loves you Dean and she's not going to blame you for her getting taken. She gave herself over willing to save you. She is just as crazy about you as you are about her. It's you that has caused the change in her from the scared beat up girl we found in that basement to the woman you are in love with. It's you that has made her happy. It's you that taught her how to defend herself. It's you that holds her when she wakes up in the night from her nightmares. It's you that finally made her realize she was worth loving. Not some other Dean on a path that never happened. "

Dean looks at his brother and for the first time in 4 days gives him a cocky grin. "I don't do chick flick moments Sammy and this is turning into one quickly." Sam lets out a sigh of relief and he starts to drive again.

Dean pulls back on to the road and it's like the conversation never happened. He's driving fast with our next mission in sight. I see him start to change back again. I see his teeth start to clench and his jaw line harden. I see his eyes get dark and angry again. Now that I've heard how much he does love her I feel myself changing too. Lara is my best friend and she kept me sane for the three worst years of my life. I want her to have that life and I want her to be back with Dean. I am going to kill anything that gets in the way of that happening for her. I feel my jaw clench and I my eyes start to squint. We are going to get her back.