Chapter Thirty-Eight

June 16th, 1912
Philidelphia, Pennsylvania

Ruth awoke with the sun. She dressed in a charcoal grey dress with a large matching hat. The brim of the hat covered her eyes. She drank a quick light cup of coffee and told Trixie that she would return by late morning. When Trixie asked her where she was going, she simply had replied, "out". Down the street Ruth walked with a back like an arrow. Her black glove clad hands were clasped infront of her, her lips in a straight, thin line. She ignored all the looks from people. Everybody in Philidelphia knew who she was. She owned one of the biggest mansions in the entire city.

Ruth paused and looked up at the tall building before her. She squinted as she followed the flying butrices and neolitihic gothic design. The Catholic Church of Philidelphia. Ruth had only attended mass a few times in her life. She had had Rose baptised here when she was a baby. Ruth could almost see the exact day when she and her husband had brought baby Rose to the church. She was wearing the most darling white lace dress. Ruth had worn it at her own baptism. Ruth sighed and pushed through the creaky gate and up the steps. She pushed the tall, large, oak doors open. The hall was empty. Ruth slowly walked down the aisle. She looked back and forth between the empty pews.

She stopped before the altar and stared up the statue of Jesus. It was almost as if the crucified man was staring back at her. Ruth's lip trembled for a moment before she broke the eye contact with the man she proclaimed as her savior as a child. Ruth had found peace in going to church with her parents and siblings when she was younger. She looked forward to Sunday school with her sister Ellen and brother Peter. She was even more excited when she was allowed to stay in mass and listen to preacher's adult lecture.

Ruth sighed and rounded the to a nearby door. She knocked gently. "You may enter." Came a gentle man's voice. Ruth gripped the doorknob and debated for the slightest second of running for it. But she needed to do this. She pushed the door open into a small box. Ruth closed the door after her and seated herself on the bench, "How may I help you, child?"

"Bless me, Father... for I have sinned." Ruth said, trying to keep her voice steady. "It's been nearly fifteen years since I've last confessed."

"Yes, Child?"

"I... I have done awful, awful things." Ruth felt the hot tears returning to her eyes. "I have been nothing but neglectful to my own daughter. My only child, Father. How could I be so cruel to her. I starved her of attention during her childhood. My mother meant business such as I do, now, but my mother in no way treated me like how I've raised my child. I'm absolutely sickened by myself, Father. I hate looking in the mirror and seeing my face. I'm the cause of all my daughter's grief. I tried forcing her to marry somebody she did not love simply because I wanted his money." Tears began spilling out of Ruth's eyes. She sniffled deeply, "I... I told her she was an idiot... that she was a fool to love the man she is married to, now. I was sure she was making a mistake. I thought there was no way she could be happy married to a man who doesn't even own dirt." Ruth rubbed furiously to make the tears go away, but they continued appearing. "My mother sewed with me, cooked with me, she did a lot with me. And with my own daughter, I only shooed her away from me. I didn't want to be bothered by her." Ruth sighed, "The other day, Father, I... I struck her. I raised my hand and I hit my only daughter." Ruth began sobbing now, "I hit my daughter. I'm driving myself crazy. I still want to control her life, I still think I know what's best for her, but obviously I don't. She's marrying a man who is a dream to her. He is so good to her. He truly loves her. I just... I just don't know anymore! I used to think I had all the answers in my comfortable life. But now that my husband's money is dribbling dry and my daughter is defying my attempts to gain some money, my whole world has been turned upside down! I cannot say my husband loved me in the slightest, nor did he love the child we created. But I wasn't marrying for love, Father. I am absolutely disgusted by myself. It's a task to wake up in the morning. It's difficult looking at that man who loves my daughter. I am wrong. I have wronged my daughter her whole life."

"I can see you are genuinely upset and seeking forgiveness, Child." The Priest spoke. "Aren't you happy to see your daughter happy?"

Ruth rubbed the tears away from her puffy eyes and snifled, "I am, at times. I cannot stand the man she chose. There's something... something repulsive about him. He makes my skin crawl. But he's a talented man and wants to take care of my daughter, even if it's not care by my standard."

"And what is your standard?"

"In the luxury of money," Ruth replied, "I do not want my daughter to go without. I want her to have a big comfortable home and disposable money. How can I possibly retire in peace with knowing she may be cold during the night because her home is not heated? Her husband could not possibly afford a home with the luxury of central heating. I don't want her to go without, but she has chosen this path by her own means."

"Perhaps you are angry with your daughter. Maybe you still want to control her life because she was slipping from the grasp that you had on her while raising her." The Priest suggested, "But, My Child, it is time to learn to let go. At some point, the bird must leave the nest, and that's exactly as your child is trying to do now. You are clipping her wings by refusing to let her go. This will only build animosity between you two. I suggest standing back from now on and giving your child space to spread her wings and begin her new life. The life may not be to your standard, but know that your child will be with someone who cares for her very much and would never let her go without."

"Thank you, Father. I feel... less conflicted." Ruth said, a knot untightening in her chest.

"To heal your relationship with God, I suggest being more maternal and kind to your child."

"I... will." Ruth nodded, leaning her head back and closing her eyes.

"Your prayer?"

"O my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended you, and I detest all my sins because of your just punishment, but most of all because they offend you, my God, Who are all good and deserving of my love. I firmly resolve, with the help of your grace, to sin no more and to avoid the near occasions of sin." Ruth said, very slowly, meaning every word. She kept her eyes closed. Ruth could still feel the hot tears threatening beneath her eyes.

"God, the Father of mercies, through the death and resurrection of his Son, has reconciled the world to himself, and sent the Holy Spirit among us for the forgiveness of sins. Through the ministry of the Church, may God grant you pardon and peace. And I absolve you of your sins, in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen." The Priest recited back to her.

"Amen," Ruth whispered, opening her watery eyes.