Retaliation

"Hey," Dan Markam hissed. "Hey, Tina,"

Tina blinked and turned, frowning. Captain Harkness was sitting on the desk in the front of the room, swinging his legs absurdly as he lectured about torque and rotational velocity.

"What?" she whispered.

"Oi! You two, talking here!" Captain Harkness interjected.

"Sorry, Cap'n," said Dan, unapologetic. Captain Jones, writing something on the blackboard, snorted.

"Something you want to share, Jones, Ianto Jones?" Captain Harkness asked, swinging around to look at him.

Captain Jones drew a dotted line from the center of the circle on the board to the circumference. "Nothing relevant, no," he said dryly. "Only that Dan manages to sound less and less like he means 'I'm sorry' every time he says it."

"That's because he doesn't," Olivia interjected, and Dan put a hand over his heart as though mortally wounded. Kathy giggled quietly.

"O how you break my heart!" Dan gasped dramatically.

"Anyway," Captain Harkness continued, "back in the land of rotational velocity – anyone want to tell me why we don't use rotating blades in our dynes?"

"Be—because we can't get them to spin fast enough," Gil said without raising his hand, sounding surprised.

"Elaborate," Captain Jones stated, turning around and walking up to the desk to stand behind Captain Harkness. He put a hand on Captain Harkness' shoulder in a casual display of affection. Tina had always nursed a crush on Captain Harkness, but the two of them made her feel all mushy, sometimes. They were so cute.

As Gil began to talk about the kinds of machinery one could build with the materials available, and how Gift-power interfered with lift, Dan poked Tina again.

"What?" she hissed, a little irritated. This was an important lecture! He passed her a note. Tina took it, a little bewildered, and glanced around the room. Passing notes wasn't really a necessity, not anymore. Years ago, when the number of cadets had been rather obscene, Tina had passed notes with her friend Dessie. But now, with the eight of them close as family, if anyone wanted to say something, one generally just said it. The Captains didn't mind.

Captain Jones caught her eye and arched an eyebrow at her. Tina shrugged at him and looked back down at the paper Dan had given to her. Gil was still talking, so Tina carefully unfolded the note under her desk. It seemed Captain Jones was going to let her get away with this—for now.

Dan's handwriting was scratchy, but it was legible.

Victor of Nond called Captain Harkness a poof, and his father filed a lawsuit against Captain Jones, because he's an ass and a bigot. Care to join the retaliation?

Tina blinked, startled. Pranks were not something she was generally involved with – it was usually Dan and Liam scheming with practical advice from Olivia, Kathy tagging along, and the occasional plot from Silvia. Gil tended to get into fights with the pages that were truly nasty, whereas Rob avoided them altogether.

Tina tended to avoid them too, really. She'd even tried to make friends with a few of the pages, and she rather liked the more liberal ones.

As long as we don't target Richard of Masbolle with anything nasty, she wrote back. Richy was a friend of hers, who on occasion would do something silly like leave a splotch of mud on someone's chair, but it was without malice. He didn't deserve the brunt of whatever the other cadets were planning—and if Dan wanted her involved, it had to be something big. Dan nodded at her with a cheerful grin.

"—you two done?" Captain Jones asked with good humor. Tina felt herself flush, embarrassed at being caught.

"Yep," Dan said cheekily. Kathy giggled, and Captain Harkness rolled his eyes.

"One of these days, Markam," he threatened. "One of these days."

"I'm worse!" piped Liam, and Tina giggled.

"Don't get me started," groaned Captain Jones. "I'm still cleaning flour out of the hangar."

Liam grinned. He was a small boy, thin and lean and sort of awkward looking, really, with a mop of dark curly hair on his head. He had a knack with explosives, though, and a mind for trouble and everyone liked him. He didn't have Rob's handsome face, but Tina rather thought there was something compelling about Liam.

"That was a brilliant one, though, you had to admit," the class clown said brazenly. "And it even relates to rotational velocity! Right, Captain Harkness? The spinning fan—"

"—which blew flour everywhere, yes it does," Captain Harkness completed, tossing an exasperated Captain Jones an amused grin. "What is it with you and flour, anyway, Whitehorn? Every prank you pull involves flour."

"It's so versatile," Liam said with relish, and Tina laughed.

She loved her little family, she thought with fierce pride as Captain Jones rolled his eyes expressively. Never mind that some of the pages were her friends – no one had the right to call her Captains names, or persecute them in court. She caught Dan's eye and nodded, slowly. He smirked and winked and nodded across the room; Olive threw her a grin.

"We protect our own," the noble girl mouthed. It was one of the mottos of the air force.

"Always," Tina whispered under her breath. On her other side, Kathy Merensdatter smiled with unexpected fierceness.

This prank was going to be a big one.

.

.

"I," Captain Jones said furiously, covered from head to foot in flour, "am going to kill the lot of you!"

The eight cadets stared at him, wide-eyed. He was-well, he looked rather like a ghost, or a snowman. Or like he'd fallen into a barrel of flour, which, according to Liam, he had.

"Well, at least we know it works," Liam muttered.

"How is it that you even have time to put this together!" the Captain raged. He gestured expressively, and flour drifted from his clothes to the ground like a flurry of snow. "You have sixteen problems due for tomorrow! Have any of you even started?"

"Um, yes, Captain," Rob of High Peak volunteered. Silvia refrained from rolling her eyes. Honestly, her friend sometimes needed to learn when to keep his mouth shut! She was very fond of Rob, even if he was a little awkward, but the poor boy would never fit in if he kept on acting like this. Everyone would think he was a goody-two-shoes for that comment. Well, he was a goody-two-shoes, but he was also a sweetheart, and some of the others would never see it.

"You don't count, Rob," Captain Ianto sighed. "Go on, you can leave. At least one of you is smart enough not to get involved!" he glared at the rest of them.

But that's not fair, Silvia thought indignantly. Rob had helped Liam design it! Putting the trigger on that particular door was Rob's idea! She opened her mouth to say something, but Olive elbowed her.

She winked, and Silvia's eyes widened. This was part of the plan. How was this part of the plan? Why would they ever prank Captain Jones, and how did she miss that memo? She glanced at Dan, who had plotted the whole thing out. What reason could there possibly-?

And then she got it. Rob was out. Robert of High Peak, the golden child who followed all the rules, who would never prank anyone ever, was out. Captain Jones was yelling at all the rest of the cadets. It was the perfect alibi. They'd never be able to pin it on the air force, since Captain Jack only ever yelled, and didn't act on his anger. He'd never pull a prank; that was just silly. And Rob wouldn't, either.

She wanted to cheer. Dan was brilliant!

They got a tongue-lashing to end all tongue-lashings—when he was angry, Captain Jones was truly terrifying— but it was worth it. It was so worth it. Captain Jones, sprinkling flour every time he moved, assigned them more work than was humanly possible, but Silvia only grinned. By the time he let them out of the hangar, Rob was leaning on the threshold of the door, a look of polite sympathy on his face.

"Bastard," Gil growled as they left the room. Silvia slowed to listen to the exchange.

"It's not my fault you're all unsubtle," Rob drawled.

"And you're subtle, are you?" Gil snarked.

"Absolutely," Rob said mildly. Tina, standing next to Olive, smirked.

This was going to be brilliant.

Captain Harkness found them as they trooped back into the barracks, and he took one look at Captain Jones and burst out laughing. Captain Jones glared.

"Oh, poor Ianto!" Captain Jack hooted. "Liam, seriously, if you have a signature, people can identify you," he added, wiping tears of laughter from his eyes.

"It's better that way," Liam replied serenely. Captain Jones turned his glare from Captain Jack and to Liam, then back to Captain Harkness.

"I hate you," he told Captain Harkness dryly, but Jack just kept on laughing. He swooped over to Captain Jones, cupped his flour-covered chin and kissed him, right there in front of the cadets. Liam made a retching noise and everyone eww'd them cheerfully, but Jack only turned around and stuck out his tongue.

"Hey, you cover him in flour and make him good enough to eat, s'not my fault I can't help myself. You're just lucky it's not syrup," Captain Jack scolded and Captain Ianto, to Silvia's intense amusement, turned bright pink.

"Jack!" he hissed in his don't scar the children voice.

Dan was just opening his mouth to say something, when a sound of pure, unadulterated outrage wailed from the direction of the page's wing. Kathy caught Silvia's eye and they both contained giggles of sheer joy.

It had worked.

Captain Harkness and Captain Jones looked at each other. "That didn't sound good," Captain Jack said, a weird gleam in his eye.

Captain Ianto sighed and looked at the cadets. "What have you done now, Liam?" he asked as if impossibly tired.

"Nothing," Liam replied, feigning confusion so well that Silvia almost ruined it by laughing. "I was in the hangar, sir."

Captain Harkness snorted and opened his mouth to say something when, without warning, the door to the Cadet's barracks slammed open. Silvia jumped, and she whirled with everyone else.

Jack moved, apparently on instinct. He'd shoved his way past Ianto and to the door, standing defensively in front of the cadets and the other captain. Silvia didn't smile, but she wanted to. Captain Jack was over-protective, and it always warmed her heart.

The door had slammed against the wall and it was starting to ricochet. It creaked as it slowly swung back to close, but the man in the doorway slammed a violent hand against it, pushing it back to the wall furiously.

Justin of Nond, the father of page Victor of Nond, was standing in the threshold of the doorway covered in something thick and pink and goopy. Mithros only knew what it was, Silvia thought gleefully, or where Liam had found it. It was certainly not flour.

"HOW DARE YOU!" he bellowed, advancing furiously on Captain Harkness. "HOW DARE YOU!"

"Oi!" Captain Harkness snapped. When Sir Justin of Nond stepped forward, all aggression and rage, Captain Harkness stood his ground, muscles tensing and hackles rising. "What gives you the right to go storming into our barracks?"

"Filthy—I'll sue you for this, don't think I won't," seethed the pink-stained noble, "My son's rooms are ruined! His friends' rooms are ruined! I'll have every last one of you sent back to the filth holes you came from!" He prodded Captain Jack's chest with a goopy finger.

Jack raised his eyebrow and disdainfully picked the glob of whatever-it-was off of his coat.

"In case it's escaped your notice, Baron, I was pranked as well," Captain Ianto growled, striding forward to stand beside Captain Jack. As he moved, flour floated off and dusted the floor in his wake. "Flour is his signature," he gestured to Liam, "and he's the prankster of the bunch. I had all of them in the hanger for a half hour; none of them could have done this."

Sir Justin of Nond turned purple underneath the pink glop. "You don't need to brag to me about your fucking perverted—"

Captain Jones went white with rage.

"Enough with the sex already," Jack snarled, low and furious and for a moment he was truly menacing. "Honestly, you people think of nothing else, and coming from me that's saying something. This wasn't us, weren't you listening? Our kid always uses flour!" he jerked his thumb at Liam.

"I'll report you, don't think I won't!" spat Nond, before spinning on his heel and stalking away, squelching as he walked. Silvia smirked - the noble backed down in the face of her Captains. And damn right he should - they were scary when they were angry.

"Yeah, you do that," hissed Jack. He reached out and touched Ianto's arm. The menace drained out of him, and he was all solicitude. "You okay?" he asked softly.

Captain Jones' muscles relaxed visibly when he touched him. "Fine," he said tersely.

There was a long silence. Silvia bit her lip, feeling a little guilty that Sir Justin of Nond had upset Captain Jones. That - that - well, Gil had the right word. That bastard! That was why they'd pranked him and his idiot son in the first place, Silvia thought, suddenly seething. He'd upset her Captains, both of them, and that was not okay on so many levels. Silvia looked at the floor.

"Whitehorn," Captain Ianto's voice growled. Silvia looked up.

Liam shrugged, the picture of innocence. "Captain Harkness said it himself, sir," he replied simply. "I always use flour." Damn, but he was a good liar, Silvia thought. Didn't he feel bad that Nond had been so cruel?

"Besides," Olivia added, apparently not to be outdone. "We were all in the hangar, with you."

"Except for Rob," Captain Jones said slowly.

"—But I was with you," Rob replied with a shrug, gesturing to Captain Harkness. Jack nodded and a weird, fierce smile suddenly curled his lips.

Wait, Silvia thought. Hold on. Why did he look like a cat that just ate a canary?

"Oh, you are kidding," Ianto gaped, staring at Captain Harkness. Dan spluttered.

"That—that was so not part of the plan, Rob!" he cried, breaking secrecy in shock. Liam, Silvia, Olive and Tina groaned, and Kathy smacked the back of his head.

"You idiot," Gil muttered to Dan.

"Captain Harkness found out," Rob grinned, bright and mischievous, and Silvia was suddenly struck with how endearing that looked. Good old Rob, so shy, but when you got right down to it he was a sweetheart, really, and loyal to the bone. "Where do you think I got the pink dye?"

"I was wondering why we were low on red ink," Captain Jones muttered, and Jack laughed brightly. He slung an arm around Ianto's floury shoulder.

"Did you see his face?" he asked, grinning. "And I got to call him out on being a complete bastard without having to deal with his slapping your ass with a glove." The glove, Silvia knew, was a symbol of a challenge; knights used a riding glove to challenge each other to duels.

"You would be concerned about my arse," muttered Captain Jones. His lips twitched, though, and Silvia felt herself start to beam in response. He was amused. Silvia caught Gil's eye, and they both shared a delighted grin. "What the hell was that stuff?" Captain Jones asked.

"Oh, it was flour," Liam replied cheerfully. "It's flour and water, so it's goopy. And it'll harden. Told you flour was versatile!"

"Every artist's gotta sign his work. Right, Liam?" Captain Harkness said. He didn't seem to notice the flour sprinkling from Ianto's ruined clothes onto his much loved coat.

"Right!" Liam piped, and Captain Jones groaned and rolled his eyes.

"The lot of you, honestly," he chuckled, and Silvia finally laughed.