Chapter 38

He was sitting in the waiting room when the first wave of tears came. Small droplets of water sliding down his cheeks, and he let them fall. His hands were in his lap, his knee bobbing up and down as he stared straight ahead. He didn't seem to notice the hustle and bustle around him; patients walked by, doctors, nurses on their way to or from surgery. Each person passed like the minutes on the clock, and still he sat lost in his thoughts as the tears continued to fall.

A frown crossed Krystl's features as she passed by the waiting room. It didn't matter how many patients she cared for, or how many families and friends she saw in those seats, it always affected her the same; like a stab to the heart. Unfortunately she knew all too well what it was like to sit in a room such as this either awaiting news or dealing with news just given. Neither was a very fun commodity. She glanced over her shoulder even as she handed her chart over to the charge nurse. Her eyes fell upon the lone figure sitting there and a sad smile crossed her lips. She bade the nurse goodnight and walked over to the man who sat with his hands on his lap, and tears welling in his expressive green eyes. Taking a seat she placed a comforting hand on his shoulder and waited for him to glance up at her.

He turned to face her, shaking his head in answer to the question he could see in her gaze. Without another word she wrapped her arms around him and pulled him close to her. His arms encircled her waist, his face burrowing in her shoulder as he unleashed a flood of emotion, his sobs ebbing off as she ran soothing fingers through his hair.

"Sorry I unloaded on you like that."

Krystl glanced over her shoulder and smiled at her boyfriend who was sitting at the island in her kitchen. After allowing him to cry on her shoulder for a few minutes she had led him out of the hospital and insisted that he was coming with her. The kids were with Luke and Reid, and at the moment she didn't think he needed to be around them. Not the way he felt.

"You can cry on my shoulder anytime, James," she said turning her attention back to the stirfry she was fixing. "That's a very heavy burden you were carrying I think you needed a good cry."

"I was just so relieved, you know?" he said running his fingers through his auburn hair. He took a sip from his glass of wine and sighed. "It was like this huge weight was just lifted off my chest…I was so scared."

"I know you were." Krystl brought two plates over to the table, and James picked up his wine glass to follow her. "I know that feeling well," she continued taking a sip from her own wine glass. "All that fear builds up, you're worried about the time you have left and the people you'll be leaving behind…and you're trying to figure out if you have the strength to deal with it all over again. The terror just continues to grow like a balloon filled to the capacity with air."

"And with one simple pinprick it can burst."

"And while you're feeling all those things," Krystl lifted her wine glass again, "life still moves on around you and the realization that it's still yours for the taking is so overwhelming, because you know not everybody gets that chance. So never apologize for crying on my shoulder. That's what I'm here for."

James smiled and took a bite of his food. He knew there were things he needed to do, and people he needed to tell; but for now this was where he wanted to be. Here, with Krystl, her art and her wine. He told her everything; about the fear he had been carrying around for three weeks, the biopsy results and the new perspective he had on life. He would go home that evening and hug his kids and his brother, give the other brother a call and just thank god that he was alive and he was well. It just didn't get any better than that.

Robbie could hear his roommate before the man even entered their room. He was talking and laughing with folks out in the hall, and their voices seemed to get louder as they drew closer.

"That dorm is full of pansies." Robbie raised his head up from the book he was reading and watched his roommate laugh after making the statement. He sighed as he closed the book and turned to face him, his arms crossed in front of him. "Hey Robert," Grant greeted as he took off his jacket. "The guys and I were checking out the Jones Art Residential College down the street. Man I'm glad we don't live in there."

"And why is that exactly," Robbie asked, trying to keep the annoyance out of his voice.

"Because it's full of fruits and pansies," Grant laughed as he settled down on his bed.

"I see."

The annoyance must have been clear in his voice for Grant looked up and finally met his eyes, his smile immediately turning into a frown. "What's wrong with you?"

"It's not nice to make snap judgments about people, Grant."

"It's not a snap judgment, just the truth," Grant said getting up to grab a drink out of the cooler. "it's a known fact that must art types are pansies."

"Grant, I'm one of those "pansies" as you call them."

Grant held the soda can mid-sip as he looked at his roommate. "You're what?"

"You heard me."

"You're joking," Grant took a sip of his soda and pointed a finger at Robbie. "You can't possibly be one of them."

"Why's that?"

"Because you don't look like one of them." The reply was so matter-of-fact that Robbie couldn't help but smile, the annoyance draining out of his face.

"And what exactly is that supposed to mean?"

"You know," Grant insisted, settling on his bed and taking another sip of soda. "You aren't wearing all that rainbow shit and you don't wear makeup or earrings in your ear. And then there's the fact that you don't talk like one either. If the words offend you I will stop saying them, but you don't have to lie about it man. It's cool."

Robbie shook his head and ran his fingers through his shaggy brown locks. He liked his roommate a lot, and it was more than obvious that he meant no harm with his words. It was time he was educated just a bit though.

"I'm not joking."

"Seriously?" Grant asked, his soda can tilted as he was about to take a drink. His eyes riveted on his roommate. "Holy smokes you aren't kidding."

"I wouldn't joke about something so important," Robbie shrugged.

"Damn." Grant placed his can on the table and grabbed at his white blond hair, a frown obstructing hi features. "I'm sorry Robert. I didn't know."

"There's nothing to be sorry for," Robbie smiled reassuringly. "You didn't know…but now you do and I want to make sure you're still cool rooming with me."

"Oh yeah I'm down with that." He grabbed his coke off the table, taking a swig before facing Robbie again. "I'll just wear a t-shirt just in case you try to check out my body."

"Not a chance," Robbie laughed. "I'm already in a committed relationship thank you very much."

Grant all but spit out his drink as he reacted to Robbie's statement. "Wait," he said, holding the can with two fingers while pointing with the other three. "You actually do that?"

"DO what?" Robbie asked confused.

"The big c word. I thought all you knew how to do was play the field."

"Do you actually know any gay people, Grant?" Robbie asked raising an eyebrow.

"You mean do I have any friends who are gay?" he waited for Robbie's affirming nod before continuing. "No…not really," he said tilting his head to the side thoughtfully. "I think my hairdresser was a real twink, but no I think you're the first gay friend I've ever had."

"Well then, I'm honored," Robbie shook his head slightly amused by the situation. "No, we're not all "like that" as you so eloquently put it. My boyfriend and I are very committed to each other, and my brother and his uncle are as well."

"Your brother and his uncle?" Grant frowned. "You're into incest too?"

Robbie laughed outright and was just about to answer Grant's question when the phone rang. "Hold on a sec," he said moving quickly to pick it up. "Hello?"

"Well someone sounds chipper."

"Hi, Jimmy," Robbie smiled as he settled down on his bed. "It's my brother," He mouthed to Grant before turning his attention to the phone call. "You sound happy yourself. Does that mean you have good news."

"Yes, as a matter of fact I do," James said burying his face in Lucas's hair. "I'm in the clear."

"Oh my god that's fantastic."

"I know…I can't even begin to tell you how overwhelmed I was when I found out."

"I can only imagine. So I don't have to come home just yet then?"

"You better stay there and get your education," James laughed happily. "So why the laughter when I called?"

"I was about to explain our complicated family to Grant."

"OH that's always fun. Want me to leave you to it?"

Robbie looked over at his roommate who was leafing through a magazine while listening to music through his headphones. "No it's okay, he has a short attention span anyway," he teased. "Besides I'd much rather talk to my big brother.

Luke was just settling into bed when the phone rang. He reached for it and settled into Reid's embrace as he placed the receiver to his ear. "Hello?"

"Hey, please tell me you were still awake."

"Just put Landon back to sleep," Luke chuckled. "Reid and I are both still up though. What's up?"

"Can you put the phone on speaker?" Luke put him on hold for a second and before long James could hear him talking to Reid.

"Okay, James we're both here."

"Good," James sighed, that way I only have to say this once. "I'm Cancer free."

He heard the soft thud as the phone hit the bed, and a soft chuckle that he just knew must have been Reid.

"Are you still up?" Reid's voice filled his ear moments later.

"Yeah, why?"

"Because your best friend is heading that way," Reid laughed again. "That's great news. I'm glad to hear you are okay."

James smiled, grateful for the sincerity in Reid's voice. "Hold on a sec, I think that's Luke," He said as he moved to answer the door. He had no sooner opened it before his best friend was wrapping him into at tight bear hug. "So I guess it's safe to assume you're happy for me," he chuckled as he hugged his best friend back. He held on to him for a long moment, his chin resting in thick blond hair.

"That's not something you tell me over the phone and expect me to wait until morning," Luke exclaimed when he pulled out of the embrace. His brown eyes were bright with tears and James could almost see the worry fading away. "So you're okay."

"I'm as healthy as a horse," James assured him. "I just had a nasty case of the flu, and the antibiotioc I was on had a weird side effect and that is why my levels were crazy. But I'm fine."

"Good," Luke said squeezing James hands tightly as he looked up at him. "Because I'm not losing you James."

"And I'm not losing you," James replied pulling him into another hug. "You're stuck with me for a long time yet."

Luke pulled away, a smile playing on his lips as he pressed a kiss to his best friend's cheek. "I'm going to hold you to that. Good night, buddy."

James watched his best friend disappear into the night before closing the door his smile still ever present as he headed back to his bedroom. His phone buzzed on the bed and he picked it up, a laugh escaping his lips as he read the message.

Just in case you wondered, made it in safely and I love you.

L

Love you too…good night.

J

He placed the phone back on the table and headed to the bathroom humming as he prepared for bed.