Chapter 38

"Hurry up! Snow won't be pleased if we went behind schedule again." shouts the Dark Peacekeeper Captain.

"Hmph! She'll probably reduce our rations again then." another Dark Peacekeeper grunts, hauling some equipment.

"Well, our rations are always being reduced. What do you expect, the whole of Panem run under the iron fist of that scum of a dictator President Paylor with the Mockingjay under her thumb." a younger minion joins in.

"Stop complaining!" Their captain pulls out a gun and aims it at them. The duo freezes in their tracks. "I hear any more crap from any of you, and you're ending up in the ground six feet down for a long, long time! Get to work or else I'll-"

A shuriken sticks itself out of the blue on his head. As the stunned captain falls to the ground, a dark figure flies in through the open window. It is not any malicious Dark Peacekeeper. Jesse, the intruder, opens his fist and lets fly a couple more shurikens which embed themselves in the other Dark Peacekeepers' foreheads and necks. Their armour somehow cannot withstand the sudden blight of sharpness that slices so deeply into vital arteries and cerebellum. Dashing through the dusty warehouse, Jesse slashes the lone Dark Peacekeeper who spots him at the last second. His cry of pain brings his comrades scampering over. They open fire once they see the gleam of the katana, but they are felled by a chorus of machine gun fire. Special ops Peacekeepers, not the Athena henchmen this time, swing into the windows or blow their way through a wall, their firearms spitting flames at every enemy in black except Jesse, of course.

"Follow me!" Jesse bellows before charging on. He neatly leaps at an attacker just as he aims his shotgun at the ninja, grabbing his neck and twisting it all the way back. The severance of his carotid artery is utterly swift and cold. Another henchman fires a shot at Jesse, only to have the miserable bullet chopped with precision and to receive a kunai in the neck for his pains. Spotting more enemy defenders heading for him, Jesse throws some spiked nails as far as he can. Sure enough, two unfortunate Dark Peacekeepers shriek as the spiked nails cut through the soles of their boots into the bottom of their feet. Before they can scramble to their feet, Jesse dives for the kill, beheading them effectively. The other Dark Peacekeepers either flee or get massacred by the guns of the Special Ops.

"What do we have here?' Jesse mumbled to himself as he spots a tall circular apparatus, as tall as a Decepticon, rotating in the air above a mass of electronics. The device looks as if it were still in the process of construction, with scaffolding covering the entire structure. Still, it seems sufficiently operational to be some kind of weapon or teleportation device that could bring enemy troops right into the heart of Panem.

"We need explosives. No, we don't have time for a demo team. Get some heavy weaponry over here and destroy this-" A sullen creak cuts Jesse's words and the Peacekeepers freeze, not daring to move a muscle although their guns are up . "That doesn't sound like a Dark Peacekeeper." Jeese thinks to himself as a towering menacing phantasm emerges from behind the pillars. When he takes a closer look at the new enemy, he swings his sword and charges straight at it while crying out into his intercom, "It's a trap! It's a trap! Athena is creating a diversion! Someone warn the Mockingjay!" Jesse's sword sinks into the dark hulk but the phantasm growls and smashes him flying. "Open fire!" a Peacekeeper barks and a blaze of gunfire bursts out amidst the screaming of soldiers being thrown, smashed and torn apart by Juggernaughts, mutated Dark Peacekeepers with the strength of ten men. Jesse uses all his might to behead one of the monstrous Juggernaughts with his sword, and the katana breaks into two upon severing the cervical vertebrae. And he is grabbed and flung into another pillar like ninepin.

Just as Athena Snow, the grandaughter of President Snow had intended.

"Somebody must save Jesse! We can't let him die like that!" I sputter.

"I know right?" Adrian groans. His tie is undone and he looks as if he had a worse day than I have, his hair in a mess and a glass of spirits in one hand to calm his nerves. "I'm too old for this shit. I was only a teenager like you during the Rebellion and trust me, it wasn't fun and heroic fighting Peacekeepers with a rusty pistol that always jammed!" A Peacekeeper nearby glared at him through his visor. "Sorry, I was against Snow's freaks, not you." Adrian apologises quickly. "But the problem is that everyone's busy. In all outlying Districts Terrorcons have either been sighted or are in combat with the Autobots and the Panem garrison. We have to start sending reinforcements now as it would be most certainly needed at this rate of invasion. With much military assets and gear going out, we need you send you to District 2, the last stronghold that blocks any Decepticon wave from the Capitol. And as Jesse found out, the Capitol's safety is compromised. Athena has already forces waiting there."

I slump against the wall, feeling exhausted out of the blue. "So you mean that I'm going in for a fight?" I ask.

Adrian turns on a monitor that shows the barrels of Peacekeeper artillery flashing like thunder. The attacking Terrorcon is knocked head over heels with a shell slammed into its chest. But Galvatron lands right on the heads of the soldiers and swipes them to smithereens with a jagged claw. "We need reinforcements! We can't hold it anymore!" someone shouts and the entire video goes grainy.

"That's what happening in District 3, north of the Capitol. But don't worry about Jesse. Bumblebee and Hot Rod are being sent over to deal with the situation in District 2." Adrian reassures me. "Hot Rod? Never heard the name before." I say. "So did I. He's new in the Autobots, straight from Cybertron. But you'd better hurry along, because Athena's not going to stop until she has all of Panem by the throat."

It hit me when I was in the hovercraft, mulling over the battles I would have to fight, the titans I would have to topple and the deaths I would have to spectate.

Not a missile, but thoughts. Merely thoughts, as powerful as a wave crashing on a shore.

Was this how Katniss Everdeen fought as the Mockingjay against a monstrous Capitol, trying not to overstep the borders of insanity and anger the people in command, who could order her killed any time?

It must be the lack of my drugs, that my mind entertains such wondering and monologue. Pascal was right. I am no longer thinking like a Mockingjay but an ordinary human.

Was this how Katniss lived every day of the war? Not only was my mother fighting against the oppression of the Capitol via propos and eventually busting into the Capitol, but against herself and the silent grinding of the political ambitions of President Coin.

How could she survive against such hate? Was there someone whom she could turn to? Gale, Finnick as Bagel told me and as the history books at school said? But they faded away as life passed on, like the sand scattered by the tide of the sea. Finnick was slaughtered in a Capitol trap while Gale vanished from the scene even now into obscurity. I see his shadow in Thorn, his son.

Was she afraid of death? Did my mum quivered silently and prayed that her life and the souls of the beloved wouldn't be taken away? My mother welcomed death as it were a friend when her sister was swallowed by the flames of bombs, but she lived on to have a family and brought me into this world. Then death came, at the claws of an omniversal tyrant, the Fallen. She fired a lightning arrow that killed them both.

I don't want to die like that. No one deserves such an end. Is this wish a kind of fear? Fear should be alien to a Mockingjay. But then I would not be human if I had no fear.

Who held her together in all that time of blood, death, suffering and hate, when she even couldn't muster the courage to blot out the voices in her mind calling for her demise? I decide to call that very person. I dial the numbers on my display visor and my father picks it up? "Who is this?" he says gruffly.

"Hi dad, it's me." I say, trying not to sound nervous. "What the hell are you calling me for?" he says. "The Peacekeepers are ordering me and your brother to evacuate. For what? Some robot bringing hell and thunder? Hell, my own daughter's bringing hell and thunder already. One day she's a rebellious teenager and the next she's a programmed android fighting like a robot. Do you have any idea what this old man feels?"

I gulped. He may sound irrational, but I really have to be blamed for a part of his feelings of insecurity. I haven't talked to him ever since I threw him across the room at home that day. I wait until he's finished blabbering, cursing and jawing worse more than an intoxicated Haymitch and then he says, "Well, don't you have anything to say?" "Dad," I say. "I'm really sorry for everything I have done to hurt you. I didn't mean it. I didn't want to be all like this in the first place. But somehow I was angry at you and I didn't want to live like how mum and you did, under captivity and slavery to cruel masters. I'm sorry for leaving you and Bagel like this."

"Don't talk about your mum!" dad's voice screams with fury. "She's dead! She's dead! All because of you! She's dead!" His shout turns into a wail. "She's in the grave because of you. She died trying to protect a girl who would become rebellious and, and..." He pauses awkwardly, and then continues bawling, "You are the cause of all this! From day one! You robbed me of the one who was the dearest to me! Your mother survived for so long, only to meet her end because of her daughter! You stood in the way of danger so she had no choice but to save you, and she died doing that!"

There is a long silence. So that is why he hated me so much. Not because I was rebellious or all that, but because I was a foolish innocent child who played too much and understood too little. My ignorance caused her death. I sink to my knees and weep for the first time in a long time. "I'm sorry." I say, mustering myself to speak in the calmest voice possible. "I'm sorry. It's my fault that mum died. You are right. I just called to say that I love you no matter what, and that I heading to District 2 to fight off the Terrorcons. But since I'm the cause of all this as you have said, I guess I'll have to take a detour."

"What do you mean?" dad asks with a hint of surprise in his voice.

"Probably my demise will make you feel all the more better. You don't need me." I activate my protective battle visor and head for the back launch door against my orders. I'm supposed to deploy at 1500 hours, but now its 1440. I would be going to where I'm not supposed to. "Jay, wait. Don't do anything foolish." dad sputters, his anger clearly vanishing. "Compose yourself. Forget what I've just said. I was talking rubbish. Don't be rash. I was wrong!" he cries out. "Well, mum paid a high price to protect me." I say. "I'm sorry dad. You don't need me. No one does. Thorn, he's just a friend, I don't want to be indebted to him. But I have to think of Pascal, Jesse and the others who are working hard to protect Panem. This is my last fight, I think."

"I'm sorry Jay." My dad says sadly. "I need you. Don't be rash. I was so angry at myself."

I pause, and with tears running down my cheeks, I hang up and contact Pascal. "I want you to reconnect my inhibitors. I want maximum performance this time." I say. But Pascal says, "Jay, I heard everything. I'm not doing this so that you'll fight through all the hordes and force every foe out of Panem. Even with the inhibitors working at optimum level, you will not be able to drive the Terrorcons and Athena's foes out single-handedly. As an individual soldier you have limited capa-"

"SHUT THE F*&K UP ABOUT CAPABILITIES!" I roar so loud that I am sure every Peacekeeper on the same communication lane can hear me. "JUST DO THE BLASTED THING OR ELSE I'LL FLY ALL THE WAY TO TWELVE AND STUFF MY INHIBITORS IN YOUR A$$." I don't remember swearing that much ever since I was born so I feel strangely satisfied. "Very well. There's still a micro-supply of inhibitor producing bacteria in your suit, but it'll do." he says. "Thanks. Sorry I had to intimidate you. Just don't weep over my grave." I end crudely before I open the launch door and leap out.

As the inhibitors seep into my bloodstream, I feel a rush of adrenaline and I become a swift and brutal Mockingjay again.

And it's the worst thing I can ever do to myself.