Chapter 36: A Small and Quiet Ceremony
Disclaimer: Same
Note: This is what you've all been waiting for. Hurry up and read already!
Arthur smiled at Amanda as he watched her sleep. The bed that he and Jols had made for him was situated on the opposite side of the large tent from her, and he had wandered in much later that night to find some clothes. She was clutching something in her hand, and while he dared not disturb her, he could not help admiring the enthusiasm with which she seemed to be living life with when she had fallen asleep with the paper in her hand.
What she had told him earlier echoed in his head. He knew that it was not news to him – she had told him that she loved someone in the Keep, during the break between battles. He had not reacted so harshly with her then because he did not consider that it might not be he she loved. Images of her staring affectionately at Gawain flashed before his mind's eye, and despite the fact that she did not love Gawain in the way that he apparently loved her it did not sooth Arthur any.
He wanted to wake her. He wanted to plant soft and gentle kisses upon her brow and cheek until she woke, and looked up to see that it was he. He could only hope that, in doing so, she would be as relieved as he. But, as he watched her intake and exhale breaths, her mind far off in a distant dream world, he could not help but feel he would be taking something from her if he woke her. She deserved a peaceful night sleep more than any other. Besides, there would be more prudent places for him to reveal his true affection for her.
The sun beat lazily down upon the cold, hardened earth. A few Woads were shifting quietly through the edge of the far off woods, and the feeble early morning bird calls resounded through the still, crisp air. Amanda stretched her arm out to her side as sleep left her eyes, fingers still clasping the small roll of parchment that had brought her such joy the previous night. She smiled to herself before sitting up in the cot, relinquishing the furs and glancing around the tent.
On the far side, she could see a number of cots gathered there, two with bodies still in them. Barely discerning the curly top of one Galahad, and the mess of long, golden hair of still another Gawain, she chuckled and let her feet find the floor. They had most certainly had a rougher night than she…
She wiped at her mouth, and habitually scratched her head, a small pang of longing for her old curls. She was not in need of them, but missed the completeness they brought to her face and appearance. Being treated and looking like a man was losing its original charms. Under Gurshion a bald head had its advantages, and had most definitely made it harder for him to single her out, but now that she was with her own, she longed for the last identifiable part of her old life.
I shall let my hair grow twice as long, she thought resolutely. Letting her hand fall from her head, she gripped the side of the bed and hoisted herself up slowly. Her back was not crying out in crippling pain, but was issuing more of a dull whimper. As soon as she showed herself outside Arthur would undoubtedly have the Caretaker on her to dress the wounds. She placed her hands on the small of her back, the thick dressings acted like padding between her hands and her skin. She remembered the day of those lashings vividly. Her spine ticked in memory of the perfectly placed whip-marks. Closing her eyes in an attempt to clear her mind, Amanda walked toward the opening in the tent. Parting the way a little to peer outside, she saw a few of the people walking around with early game catches. The little ones had not escaped outside yet, and Amanda was surprised at how early she had risen. Looking over at the small table she had set the note down on, she walked back and searched for something to reply with. Shuffling through some of what she assumed were Arthurs belongings, she discovered a piece of parchment and a quill. The end touched her tongue thoughtfully before dunking it in some ink, her mind churning to find the right words.
Mysterious, she began, her mind drawing a blank. The end of the quill flitted across her nose as she twisted it between her thumb and forefinger. I am flattered to see you have not forgotten me. I would not know how my body reacts to you considering I do not know who you are. I have considered for some time now just what your identity truly is, but I have been proven wrong several times now. What is it you would like to ask me?
She reconsidered the note but once, figuring he wouldn't really care about the in between as long as he was granted permission to ask his question. Waving the scroll back and forth some to dry the little ink she searched the floor for the ribbon he had used to tie his message up. Finding it on the floor, she smiled, and then realized the color was strangely familiar. Where had she seen this dark, hunter green before? Examining it, she realized it was no ribbon – for who had dragged ribbon along with them while running from war – but a neatly torn piece from a bigger specimen. She was sure she had seen this somewhere before.
The tent flaps opened as she was tying the cloth around the parchment, and her eyes glanced up to see Anys.
"I was coming to see if you had written a response," she said merrily, and Amanda rose to hand it to her. "The Caretaker will be joining us very shortly." Amanda nodded and sat back upon the bed. Anys left the room to find the messenger, and a conversation was carrying itself into the tent.
"I do not see why you would object to performing the ceremony, cousin!" one voice said, the tone indignant. In marched Arthur and Ambrose, the latter hot on Arthurs heels. Amanda and Arthurs eyes met for but a moment before Arthur rounded on Ambrose.
"Why is it so important that I be the one?" Arthur asked, his voice doing poorly to remain polite.
"Because Arthur," Ambrose said, "you are the one we have known the longest, and have always been the one to remind us of how much we actually love each other. It would be invaluable to both Caia and I if you were to be the one who joined us before God."
"I am no priest, Ambrose!" Arthur replied, not angry but trying to persuade.
"Merlin was no priest when you married Guinevere," Ambrose said, "and we are not asking you to become something that you are not. All we ask is that the one person we both have loved since childhood be the one who binds us in matrimony." Amanda looked to Arthur to see his defense wearing down. Finally, after much staring at the floor, Arthur gave a curt nod and said a soft "all right." Amanda smiled as Ambrose hugged him gratefully.
"Good morning, Amanda," Ambrose said, before turning to run off and probably tell Caia that Arthur had agreed. Arthur's hand went to his eyes and pulled the lids into his nose before releasing them, as if trying to wipe some invisible stress. Amanda cleared her throat softly.
"Good morning, Arthur," she said timidly. Arthur turned partially to her, and half smiled in her direction.
"Good morning."
"When have they decided to have the ceremony?" Amanda ventured, not sure if she would get a reply. Arthur stalked over to the bed she had been sleeping in, and sat down. His elbows rested on his wide spread knees, and he looked at Amanda. After some pause, he answered.
"The Sunday after this. They have asked me to preside over the ceremony."
"So I gathered," she replied.
"I am not convinced that it would suit them best," Arthur said, his head turning to watch an invisible Ambrose pass excitedly through the tents to find his future bride.
"Why not? If you do not mind my bias, I feel as though Ambrose made a very strong argument. You are the thing that ties them to each other, the sole being they have in common." Amanda said, watching Arthur tentatively.
"I do not feel," Arthur began, "as though my relationship with God has been decent enough to preside over something that involves something as pure as love." Amanda furrowed her brow, slightly taken aback. Arthur, not have a good relationship with God? She rose from the small table and crossed to his side. Sitting upon the cot next to him, she reached forward and grabbed his upper arm, pulling it over to her lap and rubbing the muscles that composed his forearm. He looked at her, surprise written on his face, but not reluctance.
"Explain this to me," Amanda said. "If there is anyone who I thought had a model and honest relationship with God it was you." She looked on as muscles in his jaw clenched and released, as though chewing over the words he was going to say.
"An honest relationship, yes," he said, "but not a model one. I have had my disagreements with God as of late. I was, or am, generally displeased with the way He has decided to act upon things." He looked at Amanda again, and smiled weakly.
"With Camelot?" she asked. He nodded.
"And with you," he added.
"Yes, I was quite mad at Him for that, too," Amanda agreed. Arthur raised his eyebrows, and Amanda's fingers continued to work upon his arm. "Well, I blame myself for not following your orders and going back into the palace, sure. But, I was not happy with why I was to suffer so much at the hands of Gurshion when I consider myself having gone through enough this year." Amanda had not expressed this before, but it flowed naturally off her tongue as though she had been saying it for quite some time.
"I understand and empathize with your feelings," Arthur commented, "I have seen you struggle with all the things He has laid before you, and the more I dwell on it the angrier I become." Amanda smiled, and ceased rubbing his arm.
"Arthur," she said quietly, "there is no use in being mad at God. Not over the things that have happened to us. I understand that it is much simpler to be cross with Him, and to question why all of these things have plagued us. But, we have all managed to survive these events, have we not?" Arthur stared at her profoundly, his green eyes wide. "I apologize, have I said too much?"
"No," he said, almost breathlessly. "I am just astounded at your speech there. I never thought you would be so calm about it. I agree, now that you have brought it to my attention in such a rational way, but I imagined you being much more heated and passionate about it." Amanda smiled, knowingly.
"I have given it great contemplation," she said. She reached out and touched his outer cheek for a moment, and smiled again.
"Ah!" said a voice from the doorway. Amanda jumped a little when she heard it, and snapped her eyes to the source, "I am glad to see you are awake, Amanda." The Caretaker bustled over to her, and Arthur rose from the bed. Amanda looked longingly at the moment that had passed, and she rolled over on to her stomach per usual.
It felt like years before the Caretaker had finished rebinding her and Amanda was able to dress herself. She had borrowed clothes from Galahad, seeing as he and Gawain were cycling through what little they had been able to bring to the Keep, and Amanda had nothing. Joining the rest of the world beyond the tent, her eyes spotted both her brother and Caia in consecutive moments. Both saw her, and both moved towards her. She smiled warmly, and slung an arm around her brother's shoulders as they waited for Caia. She poked Nicolarious in the ribs as Caia approached, his ears going bright red and tossing a glare at Amanda for knowing his infatuation.
"Good morning, darling," Caia said, her hands scruffing Nicolarious' hair and grinning at Amanda. Instantly, Caia fell into discussion about her upcoming ceremony, Amanda listening and joining when needed. She was so very happy for her, and for Ambrose. The two appeared made for each other, and there could not have been a more perfect match.
"I am very happy for you, and so please to hear the Arthur consented to preside over your ceremony," Amanda said, looping her spare arm through Caia's as they strolled along to see Jols, so Amanda could get breakfast.
"And what have you been up to this morning?" Caia asked, and Amanda smiled, wishing she could tell her about the note from Mysterious. Looking at Nicolarious, Amanda released him and he frowned some.
"I do not understand what you can tell her and you cannot tell me," he said, sounding truly offended.
"In this one matter," Amanda said, "it is because you are a boy and we are girls and I do not want you to know!" Nicolarious huffed softly, and as he turned Amanda kicked him playfully in the rear. He hopped a little, and pretended to be in great pain, holding his buttocks until satisfied he had made them laugh. When he had gone, Amanda recounted the note and what it had said, as well as her reply from this morning.
"Hmm," said Caia, pondering, "that is strange. There are not many people who would have thought to bring parchment, not to mention the necessities to utilize it." This was an interesting point. Amanda had forgotten that these circumstances were different.
"I have been thinking," Amanda began, considering Caia's point, "I want to do something for him." Caia raised a graceful brow in curiosity, and Amanda felt compelled to explain. "I mean, he has just been so supportive to me and he gave me that beautiful ring for my birthday." Caia nodded, but something crossed her face that Amanda was unsure of.
"I think," Caia continued, "that you should make him prove himself more. What I mean is that there has not been much meaningful conversation that has passed between the two of you, more of just sweet nothings. Why not wait to see if he is as intelligent as you want him to be before you take action you might regret?" Amanda was slightly surprised at this, but she nodded.
"That is a good idea. I should see how much knowledge is up inside of his head," Amanda said, laughing. Returning her now empty plate to Jols, Amanda turned back to the fire pit. The blackened embers from the night before still steamed some, and she wished she had been able to stay to see the fire die. Her back was becoming more of a nuisance than anything. Caia continued to talk about the plans for the ceremony, diving into how it was going to take place by the twin streams.
"Will you help me gather some greens to add color to the tables?" Caia asked, excitedly. Amanda smiled, and nodded in equal excitement. It was so refreshing for there to be something to be excited about. This energy was different, more joyful than the energy required for things like battle. Caia asked her opinion on what Amanda thought might be best, and Amanda admired her. She was sure that when Caia Donellia thought of her wedding, whether it was to Ambrose or not, it was not taking place in a field someplace with not an ounce of grandeur.
"I'm sorry, Caia," Amanda said, looking her friend in the face.
"For what my dear?" Caia asked, brow furrowed, hands paused mid action.
"For this not being the wedding I am sure you always dreamed of," Amanda explained, taking one of Caia's hands and patting it. A smile split Caia's face, and she laughed a little.
"Amanda," she said, "that is not your fault."
"Oh, I know," Amanda said, "but I still feel badly that you are denied the pleasures of a normal wedding because of this mess we are in. It is just unfair for you to not have what you want because of something that we should have been able to prevent." Caia studied Amanda, and her lips pursed. Amanda hoped that Caia would not take offense to what she had said, she merely hoped to convey her sympathies. Caia looked to the ground, and her fingers shifted in Amanda's hand.
"I can understand why you would feel bad," Caia said softly, "but I have decided that marrying Ambrose is much more important than the style we marry in. Being his wife means everything to me at this point in time, not the grandeur of a wedding that won't be remembered beyond those who attended it. A small, simple, quiet ceremony will do." Amanda stared at her, and if her speech had been made under any other circumstances, she would not have believed it. Caia Donellia, the woman who had more knowledge about flowers and balls and etiquette than Amanda could believe was possible, has to care about every last beautiful detail of her own ceremonies and affairs. But now? There seemed to be no fleck of dishonesty in her face, and her humbled voice lead Amanda to believe that she would be telling the truth about their wedding. Caia understood that it had nothing to do with the wedding, and instead that what came out of a wedding mattered most. Amanda admired her. If she had been in Caia's position, she knew she would be rather indignant, and would insist upon waiting to have a large and grand affair after they had retaken Camelot.
"Caia," Amanda said, "I think that you have grown more from this endeavor than any other person." Caia looked up at her again and smiled.
"Well, thank you." The two moved forward, and towards bushes and small saplings to see what might look best. Amanda ran her fingers over all the different leaves and needles and small berries as they spoke. Caia wanted a lot of green to be around them, and the two devised a schedule for cutting the branches.
"The branches should hold nicely until your ceremony," Amanda said, kneeling upon the cold earth to examine an extensive bough. "Of the berries we can find, they'll retain their color for a long while. Would you want them dried out or still plush?"
"I have not thought on it," Caia answered. "I suppose having them be full would be more appealing. I am hoping Ambrose will be able to catch good game for the dinner we want to have."
"Are you feeding the settlement?" Amanda asked. She was unsure as to whether or not Caia and Ambrose would include the people in their affair, but she hoped they would.
"Yes," Caia said, "at first we wanted it to be just you, Arthur, Gawain, Galahad and Nicolarious, but Nicolarious would hear nothing of it." Amanda smiled at the news.
"Oh really?" she asked, "Why?"
"The only argument he made was that 'The people of Camelot deserve to enjoy in such a joyful occasion as well!'" Caia and Amanda laughed, and Caia spoke again, "He is just jealous." Amanda snapped her stare to Caia, eyebrows raised.
"I was wondering how long it would take before you noticed," Amanda mentioned, smiling softly at the thought of her siblings well-rounded affection for Caia.
"Amanda," Caia said coyly, "you should understand me by now. There is no man whose affections I know not of." Amanda looked to her again, and rose from the ground.
"Even Ambrose?" Amanda asked.
"Well," Caia said, her mouth downturned for a moment. "I was unsure of his affection for a long while. Of course, I knew he cared for me, and I was very well aware of my own adoration for him swelling. For a very long while I was unable to decipher his intent and my heart was eating at me. I was dreadfully afraid of him loving another and my love being misplaced. A few weeks before the war, however, he let himself relax. He started to connect to me more by touching me more frequently, talking to me more as a friend and confidant than in that silly arrogant tone, and spending time with me in general. He asked after parts of me that, before, I thought he was incapable of knowing. He asked about my fears and some of my darkest secrets. It was as if he changed from trying to win my affections to trying to be one with my heart." Amanda looked at her, again, rather pensively, and could not save her thoughts from straying to Arthur. Did he echo his cousin in his attempts with Amanda? He was, most certainly, being gentler with her than in the past. But, was this because he was tired of chasing her and was throwing himself out for her heart to catch, or because he felt guilty?
While Amanda had hoped that what Caia had said would help her, her mind was more restless than ever. As the two girls spent more than half the day gathering large amounts of branches and other greenery they could find, they spoke of things with less depth. While Amanda's back often protested, she said nothing of the sort for fear of having to stop. She knew Caia was well aware of Amanda's injuries, but Amanda felt that Caia did not want her to go either.
Soon after they were nearing the end of their task, Ambrose trotted up to Amanda and Caia, a smile wide upon his face. Caia lit up instantly at the sight of him, and though Amanda knew they wanted to be intimate, they refrained for her presence.
"Nic and I caught the most beautiful bucks," he reported, and Caia smiled again.
"That is excellent," she said, "Do you believe it will be enough for every one?"
"Well," he began, shifting on his feet, "I am unsure. Nic and I caught a few pheasants and one quail. Arthur told me that Merlin has a few of the Woad women gathering for us. I fear the area will be well clean of any edible things soon." The last part he added with a low voice, but Amanda heard him clear as day. It was something she had been thinking on for a few nights. They will have to move settlement again soon, despite the shelters and homes the people had already built. She felt her spirits drop a little as she entered her realm of deep thought. Her friends voices faded from her ears, and her mind began mulling over Camelot. They had to enact the plan soon. They had to go back to their home soon, or they never would.
"Amanda, darling," she heard Caia say, "you should go rest. I believe we have enough greens to fill the Parthenon." Amanda smiled at her jest, and nodded her goodbyes. She knew the couple wanted time to be alone and to discuss the things that Ambrose had mentioned. Amanda did not mind, and she wandered back to the tents.
The sky was still clear, and nearly blue enough to be called spring like. Her mind drifted from place to place as she walked on, her eyes looking slowly from grass to sky to horizon. Her fingers began to twitch in a desire to return to Camelot. She would never understand this restless quality about her soul, but the yearning to win back the place she loved more than any other in the world was so very strong. Her bottom lip tucked itself into her mouth as she continued to think about the upcoming wedding. She would have nothing to give the new couple. She would have nothing beautiful to wear, and no gifts to share with her friends. This was supposed to be a happy occasion, was it not? Then why did it seem to grow more and more lackluster with every moment? She could truly admire Caia and Ambrose now.
Aside from their fear of his dying before they could wed, Amanda added to herself. She has considered the thought when Caia first told her, but she knew that it was not an irrational reason to be married. Caia and Ambrose loved each other, so why should they not be married before Ambrose enters another battle and faces death.
So why should you and Arthur be any different? Her mind challenged. Why did she and Arthur not worry about their future and act as Caia and Ambrose? Amanda's feet hurried as she began to think about losing Arthur. What would she have if he was killed? As some sort of panic came over her, she rushed further, almost back to the line of tents. She could see him standing near the central fire, talking to Jols and Gawain about something. They were laughing about something that Jols had said. Amanda ran her hand over her head in stress – she did not want to lose Arthur before she had seized her opportunity.
"Amanda!" a voice called. Amanda stopped amidst makeshift homes, and spun to find the person. Anys was coming quickly at her. Amanda furrowed her brow, and she waited for Anys to reach her. Anys was smiling broadly, her had outstretched. "He has written back so quickly." Amanda's eyes widened.
"Mysterious had replied?" Amanda asked for clarification. Anys nodded and Amanda took the tiny fold of parchment from her long fingers. This note was remarkably smaller than last time, and Amanda thought he must have been trying to save his limited supply of materials. She pulled at one of the creases and opened it carefully. He had indeed been conserving his resources. Unfolded completely, it was no longer than her palm, and not much wider. His script had become smaller, and it was at the top of the square.
How is it that you can so resolute about returning to the palace when it ravished you before?
Amanda stared at the note and then laughed softly.
"Is he afraid of returning?" Amanda asked herself aloud, eyes glazing over the text once more. She shook her head, and turned back towards the tent. This note was curious. This was the first thing that she and her mysterious admirer had exchanged that was real conversation. He was actually asking her opinion on something. This excited Amanda. With the exception of Caia, most people were too busy trying to take care of Amanda these days. Upon reaching the large tent, she hurried to the bed she had slept in and reached for the quill she used that morning, and began to write out her answer. She was sure to write it directly under his question in order to save parchment.
I feel as though all efforts should be made to rescue the place I call my home. Do you not want to return?
She felt as though this question was warranted. She folded the paper along the same creases, and handed it back to Anys.
Over the course of the next several days, Amanda and her Mysterious filled several small squares with discussion about the retaking of the palace. It then crossed into a conversation about what people really can value.
I see value as something that I can hold in my hands as well as my head. I can hold earth, I can hold another, and I can hold a sword. I can see what is possible with that earth, I can feel love for another, and I can use a sword for what I believe is good.
This answer was one that resonated with Amanda. She had replied with understanding, and expressed her own beliefs in what and how to value something. The more and more they exchanged ideas, the more and more she realized that this man was no ordinary man. He was no peasant or tradesman who had sought her out of fancy. This man had been educated to great lengths, not only in a formal sense, but in experience as well. Amanda was growing more and more impressed by him. She was hoping to be able to move into more personal matters soon.
As the days passed, the settlement and her friends got more and more excited about Caia and Ambrose's union. Gawain and Galahad were helping Nicolarious and Ambrose see to the hunt, and Jols and Arthur were working on Arthur's giving the ceremony. Amanda and Caia continued to make some arrangements of greens and of the area they were to use. Soon enough, the day was to be upon them. Caia had asked Amanda to stand as her maid of honor, and Amanda accepted gladly. The only things that they had to wear were the clothes they had come in, and the few things that had been made out of animal hide and shared within the community. Caia had saved the dress she had fled Camelot in for this day since Ambrose had asked her, and she was now thankful that she had. Amanda was no longer ashamed to wear the things that had been kindly given to her.
On the day before the wedding, the sun decided to show itself from behind its usual thick curtain of clouds. The day was brilliant, and all the settlers were hoping it would carry out until the next afternoon. Caia and Amanda had abducted a table from the Caretaker once he had finished dressing the back wounds, and they laid out the rest of the greenery they had cut. Laughing and chatting merrily, they were joined by Galahad and Nicolarious around midday.
"It is a shame," Galahad muttered, sitting down on the bench. Amanda and Caia both shot looks at him, begging for him to clarify.
He looked at both of them, and raised a brow. "It's a shame that you are getting married tomorrow Caia." Caia's lips parted as her mouth opened in confused disbelief. Galahad smiled, and slung an arm around Amanda's neck, who protested.
"Galahad," Nicolarious began, "what on Earth are you saying?"
"It is a shame," Galahad continued, "because I like flowers. I do not like twigs and branches." Amanda stared up at him for a few moments before her mouth split and she began to laugh.
"I did not realize you were the sentimental type, Galahad," Caia said, laughing heartily. Galahad smiled, and ran a hand over his head.
"Yes, that did make me sound like a bit of a pansy, did it not?" he asked, smiling honestly at Amanda. Amanda nodded as she laughed more.
"Of course! But, do not worry, I will not tell Gawain that you love flowers as much as you do," she said. Nicolarious was still laughing.
"Oh you should worry Galahad," Nicolarious said, leaning across the table and picking up one of the longer branches from its respective pile, "for I will tell Gawain." Galahad feigned a cross face, and the girls laughed a little more. Nicolarious winked and rolled the twig in his palms.
"And what are you all laughing so loudly about?" asked Arthur, who was walking over to the table from a discussion with a few of the settlers. The group smiled at him, and Amanda's eyes followed him as he made for a space opposite her.
"Galahad loves flowers," Nicolarious chimed, and Galahad smiled, his arm falling from around Amanda. Arthur's eyebrows raised, and he laughed.
"He also loves walking beneath the moon," he added, and they laughed again.
"I like flowers at weddings," Galahad explained, perhaps tired of being teased. Arthur digested this for a moment, looking at the greens on the table.
"Yes," he said, "I can understand that. They are a small measure more cheerful, would you not agree?" The group nodded, and Amanda eyed Caia. She sighed softly.
"I believe the arrangements Amanda and I have made are very pretty," she said, softly. Amanda smiled, and reached across the table for her hand.
"Oh," Arthur began, cutting Amanda off, "I think they will make tomorrow a lovely day. Besides, you and Ambrose make such a handsome pair that it will not matter." Caia smiled, his words making her feel stronger. Amanda smiled, and squeezed her friends hand softly.
"In fact," Arthur continued, "I would only replace these for flowers in order to make a crown for Amanda's unsightly bald head!"
Amanda rolled her eyes as the group burst into another round of laughter. Galahad rubbed her head jokingly, and Amanda shoved him playfully. She looked at Caia again, and saw her head cocked to the side, staring at Amanda's head.
"No!" Amanda cried, pointing at Caia, "You are to have no ideas off of that speech. I am not wearing a crown of pine needles!" Caia blushed slightly, but laughed with the others and they continued their work. The ladies hands worked swiftly, wrapping the different shades of brown and green around each other.
"I believe that is something that I do not know about either of you," Galahad mentioned after moments of pensive silence.
"What is that, darling?" Amanda asked, not looking up from her work.
"What your or Caia's favorite flowers are," he clarified. Amanda nodded, and figured that it was something that he had not asked either of them.
"Mine is Lilac," Caia said. She smiled at Galahad, who made a face.
"Lilac?" Nicolarious asked, his voice painted with disgust and dislike.
"Yes Nic," Caia answered, "Lilac. What is wrong with that? It is such a beautiful shade of purple and smells so wonderful. There was a whole field of it near where I lived with my mother. Do you remember Arthur?" Amanda parted her eyes from her work to look at Arthur.
"Yes," he said, his voice distant. Amanda could see a misty look in his eye, as though he were back in that very field.
"It is probably the worst flower ever, would you not agree Nic?" Galahad asked, shaking his head.
"Oh goodness," Caia said, shocked that they would dislike it, "why?"
"It makes me itch! My eyes water and my nose runs and when it grows it grows everywhere," Nic exclaimed. Caia smiled in spite of herself, and rolled her eyes.
"More for me, then," was her response.
"And what about you, Amanda?" Arthur asked. Amanda looked at him again, meeting his eyes. She was glad he had returned from whatever memory had taken him away, but she had not expected him to ask her.
"A gardenia," she answered. The answer had flowed from her mouth without a second thought to it. Ever since her room had been filled with them by Mysterious they had been her favorite. She continued to look at Arthur after she answered, even though she heard Caia 'tut' under her breath.
"What does that look like?" Nicolarious asked, and Amanda tore her eyes away from Arthur.
"It is small, and white. It resembles a rose, but it is smaller and smells much better," Amanda answered. She gave her brother a slight smile, appreciating his endless curiosity. He nodded slowly – Amanda recognized he was having difficulty envisioning what she had described. "I will show you when we have returned to the palace. There is a bush there growing in the courtyard there with them on it." He nodded at her in agreement, but exchanged some kind of meaningful glance with Galahad. The two rose from the table, and as they departed Nicolarious ran his fingers over Amanda's arm as if inviting her along. Amanda rose quietly when conversation resumed between Arthur and Caia, and followed her brother. She looked up to see he and Galahad waiting for her just beyond one of the houses built by the settlers, and she hurried to join them.
"What is this secrecy about?" she asked, not bothering to hide the concern from her voice.
"Ambrose asked us to not speak about the plans to return to the palace before he and Caia wed tomorrow," Nicolarious said cautiously, looking at Galahad. Amanda darted her eyes between the two, and at first did not want to believe that Ambrose requested such a thing.
"He does realize that Caia knows he is going to be fighting, right?" Amanda asked, a little tartly.
"Sister," Nicolarious began, his shoulders dropping some, "please do not react like this. Ambrose confided in us that Caia has been made very upset by these plans. She does agree with them, but now that she and Ambrose are to wed, she has even more fear than before. You must understand." His voice had trailed off, and Amanda was unsure as to his meaning. Was she to understand because he knew of her affections for Arthur? Or, was she to understand because, while she could not help seeing Caia as being irrational, Caia was her friend and friends must be empathized with?
After a long pause, Amanda huffed.
"This is ridiculous. I mention one thing and I am told to watch my discourse at the request of someone who is just as eager to return," she said quickly, crossing her arms over her chest. She could see Galahad and Nicolarious beginning to defend Ambrose again. "Oh, stop your fidgeting. I will cease to mention it." She had raised her voice, and though she snapped she saw relief written on their faces. Amanda was taken aback. Had she really become that tiring?
Something inside her had deflated. Her lips pursed a little and her arms fell to her sides in a defeat. She supposed that the men thanked her, and while she did not reply they parted ways. She stood there, rooted to her spot. She had realized she needed to change.
She hugged her arms around herself, turning a quarter to peer back at the table. Galahad had returned there, and Caia was laughing again. A wind picked up, and her long espresso waves flew across her face and extended with the wind. Amanda unconsciously scratched at her head and she sighed again. She turned her back on the table and kicked her out in front of her. She stocked in the opposite direction for some time until she hit the opposing tree line. It wasn't that far from the last of the homes, and it was the woods in which the Woad dwellings existed. She stared into the trees, and closed her eyes. She had done it again.
"You just need to settle your spirit," she said to herself. She knew that she was easily excited and provoked. She had trouble not defending ideas that she originated – like the retaking of the palace – when she knew others were being upset by them. She had wanted to express the foolishness of Ambrose's request, though she understood why he would want to protect the woman he loved. Amanda crossed her arms over her body, practically hugging herself. She stood at the tree line for some time, trying to analyze herself. Before she left the palace she was such a different girl. Before she had been quick to her own anger and so content with just discovering things. Before she loved Arthur her life was so much simpler.
The next morning came swiftly, and the air was buzzing with excitement. The weather had indeed held for the wedding, and Amanda left the tent for the open air once the Caretaker had finished his treatment. He had told her that she was improving greatly, and that the wounds had certainly started to heal themselves. This made her day even better.
While she still thought on what had happened the day before, and how she could make herself better for the sake of those around her, she was considerably happier. She hurried to find Caia, and discovered her friend sitting by the two streams.
"Good morning darling," she greeted as she reach the great rock Caia was sitting on. Caia looked up at her, and smiled.
"Good morning," she answered. Amanda seized the opportunity to confront her.
"Caia," she began, "I am sorry if I upset you yesterday in speaking on the plans to return to Camelot. I now realize that not all are as excited as I about the mission." She and Caia locked eyes, and Amanda let her read her. She hoped that there was only honesty on her face.
"I understand, Amanda," Caia replied, and she rested her hand over her knees, "We live our lives from such different perspectives. I know what Camelot and this mission in particular means for you, and while I do believe that we should return there, you must forgive me for not sharing excitement." Amanda seated herself beside her friend, and wrapped an arm around her back.
"I simply hope that you believe I understand your fear of losing someone. There is not a moment when I do not fear the loss of my brother or Galahad and Gawain," she said, looking out at the streams.
"And Arthur?" Caia asked, resting a hand on Amanda's.
"More than you would believe."
"Amanda," Caia began, strength returning to her voice, "I beg of you, please tell him already. I cannot stand this any longer!" Amanda laughed, and felt herself blush.
"And what about my Mysterious?" Amanda asked, teasing some. Caia scowled some, but Amanda knew she had caught her interest.
"Has he answered you in regards to your questions on the army?" Caia asked, and Amanda shook her head.
"No, not yet. I fear he is running out of things to write on!" Amanda laughed some, but she smiled, "He is quite intelligent. I am impressed." Caia stared at her, and nodded.
"He obviously cares for you," she mentioned, and Amanda nodded blankly, "but can he compare to the man that has already won your heart?" Amanda let her arm slide from Caia's back, and she pulled her legs up to her chest. How did a man she did not know compare to Arthur? She could speak to Arthur, and had on several occasions, about the topics that she spoke to the Mysterious with. He was flattering however, and Amanda enjoyed knowing that there was a man who would have her if no one else would.
"You do not think that the man writing me these notes is Gawain, do you?" Amanda asked, looking back to Caia. Caia smiled, and she thought it over.
"He does love you," Caia mentioned. Amanda nodded, but felt a pang of guilt in her stomach. "But I do not believe that he would do something like this. I would believe that he is the kind of man who would just tell you if he had affection for you. Which he did. So I would say no, darling, try another guess."
"Caia!" someone cried. The girls looked back towards the settlement, eyes narrowed and fighting the glare of the sun in order to see who the caller was.
"Oh, it's Galahad," Amanda said, staring at the man waving his hand. "I believe he wants you to go back." The two rose arm in arm, and walked back towards Galahad.
"Amanda, will you begin to have the men move the tables and chairs? I am eager to get those arrangements out of my room so that I can start to dress," Caia said, detaching herself as they neared Galahad.
"Of course," Amanda answered. She stopped when they reached him, and Galahad reached out to rub her head.
"What is it with you all and rubbing my head?" Amanda demanded, knocking his arm off.
"Do not worry, love," he said, a happy tone in his voice, "I can feel it growing back. It is softer than usual." Amanda rolled her eyes and smiled as they turned from her, and she walked away to find the others to help her.
The tables and chairs had been moved, a fire had been started for the game, and the arrangements had been placed in exact accordance to Caia's wishes. Amanda had put on a brown dress that Vanora had brought with her, and while it was big for her frame, she was glad that someone had been able to provide her something for such an occasion. Bors had helped her line the short aisle with the left over greens, and then Amanda left to see Caia.
Upon entering the place where Caia stayed, Amanda smiled at the beauty of the occasion. She could appreciate the love they both had for one another, and how they had ignored all other vanities of marriage in order to celebrate before it was too late to do so. She peered around the corner to see her friend, she was crowded by Vanora, Anys, Galahad and another woman that Amanda recognized as Sarah. She cleared her throat softly, and the attention was on her. Caia and she locked eyes, and Amanda was taken by her radiance. There was not a fleck of skin that did not beam in happiness, and Amanda was overcome by pure love for her friend.
"We are ready for you," she said quietly, and she saw Caia's eyes widen. She swallowed and rose from the seat. She closed her eyes for a moment, as if to settle herself, and stepped away from the room. She smiled brightly at Amanda, and the two walked from the place. Her green dress was magnificent, and her hair shined more than ever. Amanda was in awe that one single person could be so beautiful. She knew that Ambrose was a lucky man, and they walked in silence to the ceremony area.
"Amanda," Caia said quietly before letting her go to give the signal that all was ready, "thank you for everything that you do for me." Amanda gave her hand a reassuring squeeze, and she turned away from her friend. She stood at the top of the aisle, and she saw Arthur and Ambrose take their places. Nicolarious, Gawain, and Galahad stood in the front row of chairs, and the rest of the people rose to begin the march.
For this being her second time participating in a wedding, the conditions were much more favorable. She walked up the aisle, smiling. She met Arthur's eyes and he gave her a wide smile – apparently the worries he had about presiding over such a ceremony had succumbed to joy. She took her place opposite Ambrose, and she looked up the aisle to see Caia waiting at the head. She looked even lovelier than ever, and Amanda's eyes shot to Ambrose to see his reaction. His lips were parted in a moment of disbelief, and while his face opened to a smile, his eyes became glassy. Amanda smiled at this, knowing that the two of them would be blessed with such bliss in their life. She heard Arthur shift behind her, and her eyes looked back to his. To her surprise, he was already looking at her, and she was caught off guard by his expression. She was entranced by the complete compassion on his face with which he looked at her, and she could only hope that it was intended. Amanda tore her eyes away, looking back to Caia, who was just near enough to begin handing her the bouquet she held. Amanda took it, her hands shaking. What did this mean?
The ceremony had concluded and the celebration had begun. The sun was getting lower and more fires were being built around to keep people warm. Blankets had been fetched, but the dancing, eating and merriment continued. Amanda had danced and danced until her face was red, Nicolarious and she laughing at Bors as Vanora finally brought him to the circle. When Amanda had stepped away to find something to eat, she seated herself with Gawain, Galahad and Arthur. Gawain and Galahad were laughing at Bors like she just had, and Arthur was in conversation with Kylian. Amanda helped herself to the pheasant on the table, and listened to Galahad and Gawain go back and forth.
"I would hope," said an all too familiar voice, "that it was not I who upset you." Amanda closed her eyes for a moment and then turned to face Arthur.
"When would you have upset me?" Amanda asked, smiling.
"When I joked about your hair," he said. Amanda smiled again at the thought of a crown of flowers. She shook her head at him, and then met his gaze. "Then what is making you upset?" Amanda digested the question and sighed softly.
"Nothing," she replied, and she turned away from him some. "I am very happy."
"No, no," he said softly, moving closer to her, "I no longer accept that answer. I saw the way in which you looked at Caia last night. I know that there is something upsetting you. I have never seen such an expression cross your face." Amanda waited several moments before turning back to him.
"I feel as though I am a burden," she muttered, and avoided his gaze – he knew that he would tell her she was being silly.
"For what reason?" he asked, moving closer again so that their bodies were toching. Amanda turned her body fully toward him, and she could feel the heat creeping up her neck.
"My actions and my unpredictable temper," she replied curtly. "I feel as though I force everyone to act so carefully around me because it is easier than to face my anger. I did not think that I was causing this. My friends are invaluable to me, Arthur, and to inconvenience them in such a way is unacceptable on my behalf. And no matter how long I think on this issue I cannot develop a plan that would make myself a less heated and over excitable person. But, please, this night is not about me or the problems that I am facing." Her arms fell to her side in defeat again, but she kept her face to him. She stood from the table, unable to bear the closeness he was making her feel.
"Amanda," he said after her. She hoped that he would not follow, but he did. He managed to put himself in front of her, and they stood between two fires. The shadows were beginning to show on his face.
"I can do this on my own, Arthur," she said, "I know what needs to be done." Her voice was straining to be heard above the cheer, and she could feel her face becoming deeper shades of pink.
"You do not have to do everything by yourself," he said, eyes looking earnestly to hers, "I want to help you. Though, this endeavor is a wasted one." She reached out for him, and he caught her hand so quickly it was surprising. He pulled her to him and she was enveloped in the warmth that she was longing for.
"Amanda," he said softly, his voice raw – unlike anything she had ever heard before, "you are exactly the person that you should be. There is not one flaw in your make up, and if there is it only enhances the beauty that you possess." She could feel her issues seeping from her skin and transferring to him. His shirt was coarse and unrefined, and his arms held her so gently she could do nothing but close her eyes.
Long moments passed while the two held each other before Arthur spoke again.
"You will believe me, will you not?" Arthur asked of her, tenderly. Amanda felt him pull away some, and she looked up into his brilliant green eyes. She could feel his breath on her skin, and her fingers gripped the edges of his shirt. She felt herself slipping into him again, and it was the most wonderful feeling.
"I cannot," she whispered, "I feel as though I am causing problems for everyone. I feel as though my need to change is vastly important. How can you say that I am perfect?" She furrowed her brow and she saw him smile softly.
"Because God made you his most marvelous creation," he replied softly. Amanda smiled at his smiling, and she felt her cheeks go red. Where had she heard that before? She could not focus long enough to remember. His fingers found her waist and he took a step towards her again.
"This is insanity," she said quickly, fearing the way she felt and doing something she would regret. Her heart was pounding in her throat, nervous beyond all compare. She heard these things falling from his mouth but could not bring herself to believe them. She stepped away from him some, but he caught her elbow, pulling her to his attention once more.
"What is insanity? That I am offering help to you?" he asked, an edge coming to his voice. Amanda looked at him, shaking her head.
"No, Arthur," she said, her shoulders dropping.
Just say it! Amanda yelled to herself, the words dancing in her mouth like nothing else.
"Then what, Amanda?" he asked, gentler now, "You know that you can speak to me about anything. Are you afraid that I will judge you? Please, do not believe that. You must know that I would not simply tell you that you are perfect in every way if I did not think it true. Amanda, what more can I say to you?" His voice rose at the last question, and he burrowed his free hand into his hair. Amanda was confused by his frustration, and she reached out to him. She did not want to cause him aggravation.
"I am sorry, Arthur," she said softly. "I feel as though we have these conversations over and over again. There is no need for them."
"I have something that belongs to you," he said suddenly. Amanda looked at him, not in a haze of emotion but in curiosity. Arthur reached into his pocket, but refrained from pulling out whatever it was that he had.
"Now, Amanda" he began, "you must understand the debate I had with myself before I originally gave it to you. I could not be sure that it would be well received. You will have to forgive me for the mask I hid behind." Amanda furrowed her brow, and she looked him up and down. As far as she had known, Arthur had always been truthful with her.
"Arthur, what are you talking about?" she laughed some, but felt her throat knot in anticipation.
"Not to mention the secrecy I had to envelope all of this in. But, I believe you got to understand me more than any other person I have allowed, and I understand more about you than you would believe." He removed his hand from his pocket and kept his fist closed. Amanda peered at his hand, and felt the need to laugh at his actions. But, he was completely serious, as she felt she need not interrupt.
"I must say," he continued, "I am impressed with the way you have educated yourself and can express your ideas. These encounters we have had have affirmed in me that you are everything you ought to be. But, I must ask one thing of you…" his voice trailed off and he reached for Amanda's hand. She let him take it, and he opened her palm some with his fist. "Please, do not lose this again." She felt a light weight fall into her hands. It was cool, and angular at the top. It was small, and she looked in her palm. She gasped when she saw the object, and her eyes darted from his face back to her hand.
"You are everything that I could have ever wanted another person to be, and I believe that this is the exact reason you have captured my heart in such a way. I do not want you to ever let go of it. I know that you will guard it, and I can only ask that you love me the smallest amount in return," Arthur said. His voice was soft, but firm and Amanda could vaguely feel his eyes on her as she stared at the item he had returned to her.
"You…" she whispered, barely audible. She picked up the object between her index finger and thumb, her skin pressing against the metal and stone. She stared in amazement at the sapphire ring that had been her birthday gift from the Mysterious. It all rushed to her as nothing ever had before. Arthur was the man that had been writing her all this time? He was the one who had took the time to know her, challenge her, and share such intimate words with her. "What did you say?"
"That you are," Arthur repeated, walking to her and taking her in his arms, "every reason that I want to live. Oh, and I do not think that you will need to continue to call me by that ridiculous name." Amanda ripped her eyes up at him, and she took a minute to collect herself.
"It has been you? It has been you, all this time?" she asked. "You are the one that has been writing me those letters and sending me these gifts and…the gardenias?" She stared at him, and she felt happiness.
"Aye," he said softly, smiling down at her, "it has been me. I did not know how to express my feelings for you at first. I had to know if there was another you loved, or could love. And I so dearly wanted to give you things I thought you deserved. I never intended it to be such a drawn out affair, but when I felt secure behind the person you were beginning to trust, and I saw how happy the unbiased affection of a man could make you, I could not help but enjoying the warmth you radiated. I thought then, that if I could make you love this man then I could simply unveil myself and you would love me. I never knew that I would use it as a way to resolve conflict within my own being."
"Arthur," she whispered, but he put a gentle finger to her lips. He looked deeply into her eyes, and he lowered his lips down to her hand. Sparks shot through her limbs, and she needed him more in that moment that she had ever needed another person. He held her hand tightly, as if afraid she would crumble away from him.
"Please," he whispered, his sounding voice vulnerable and exposed, "Amanda, I love you more than I have ever loved another being. I cannot live without you, and I refuse to live another moment in this place where we constantly fight this feeling that we have. Please," he said again, and Amanda felt her legs quiver at his will, "tell me that you love me." She smiled so widely that she started to laugh softly. Tears welled in her eyes so quickly that she could not stop them before they started to run down her face. She nodded her head, refusing to look away from him.
"I love you, Arthur," she said softly, "I love you more than I could have ever known." Before she could count another moment, Arthur had pulled her to him and was showering her in kisses. His lips touched everywhere she could feel – her forehead and hairline, her eyes and nose and cheeks. His hands left her waist to get to her face, and she opened her eyes again to look at him. He stared into her eyes like he had before, and she let herself be washed in the love he was showing her.
"I love you," he said. She smiled and he lowered his head to hers. His lips touched hers tentatively, as if waiting her approval and shy in a way. Amanda gripped his side a little firmer, and he touched his lips to hers again, this time more strongly and then again with more depth. It was the kiss she had always dreamed of sharing with him. It filled her blood and heart with life and breath that she had lost with the death that had marked her life. All the instances of her worry, pain and heartbreak fled from her, as if chased away by the man that she had desired and cared for in this very long while.
And there they stayed, locked in the arms of the other, kissing as if time would not continue.