"Muahahaha!" laughed Satan with an evil laugh. Mona laughed with him too in an evil way. "Muahahahaha!" Mario, Luigi, Peasley, Daisy, Syrup, Pauline, and Rosalina, who was so fat that she took up half of the crowd, saw this scene unravel before them. They were horrified because Satan was back in power, and also super confused because Mona was up there with him. "What is this?" asked Daisy in a scared way. She held onto Syrup for comfort, but that didn't stop Satan so it was useless.
Everyone was so scared, but Mario was pissed off. He ran up to the stage and got in front of everybody to yell at Satan and Mona. "HEY!" he yelled so loud. He was so loud and pissed that he didn't need a microphone for everyone to hear him. "Satan! I thought that you were powerless and under our control! How were you able to achieve this, and why?" asked Mario in an angered way, and he demanded answers. "I demand answers!"
Satan laughed. "Ha ha ha! Hello, Mario, I was hoping you'd be here to watch me take over the world! Thanks to Mona's help, I was able to regain my strength fairly quickly thanks to Cambell's Chicken Noodle Soup! Then she helped me run for mayoral office so I could gain PP! And this is more PP then I ever could have gotten by being popular in high school, so I must thank you for stopping my first plan! Now I have gained the love of the whole city, and I have enough power to take over the world! Now that Senior Prom, and the night of the Blood Moon, is tomorrow, it is perfect timing!"
Mario looked over at Mona. "Mona, how could you help Satan?! He's going to destroy the world, and he's going to destroy you too! Why did you betray your friends like this?!" Mario was so heartbroken that his friend decided to do this. Now the world was doomed because of her actions. What a bitch.
"You aren't my friends! Satan told me the truth! You and Peach cheated on me and then treated me like a fool! And Satan won't destroy me! He said he will make me a powerful being if I help him! He is a much better friend than you or Peach ever was!" Mona yelled back at Mario. She looked so much more evil than before. She was wearing goth make up and a dress made out of fire, and her hair was dyed red like evil things. She looked like the queen of Hell.
"How does it feel to fail again, Mario? And to be betrayed by a friend? Whatever you feel right now, just wait until I have sex with your girlfriend and turn your baby into the Anti Christmas!" Satan and Mona grabbed hands, and they disappeared, and nothing was left but a bunch of fire on the stage. The stage caught on fire, and it burned up completely until nothing was left but ashes. Everyone in the crowd was so frightened because they did not want the world to end. This is what they got for voting Republican.
"Oh my god! I can't believe it...Satan has won." said Luigi, who sounded so sad and defeated. He fell to his knees and was so ready to just give up right now. "Luigi! How could you be like this? We've gotten so far, and it's not like Satan has taken over the world yet! We can't give up now! Not when the world needs us most!" Mario yelled at his brother. He was so surprised that his brother was so ready to die. "Yeah, this isn't the Luigi I know," said Peasley, who was going into boy friend mode, "Get up and be brave!" Peasley held out his hand for Luigi and helped him back up.
"But how are supposed to stop him? He is a powerful god now, and now he has Mona's help. He'g going to take over the world tomorrow, how are we supposed to do it in time?" Luigi asked, getting kind of angry because it was a stressful situation and he was so scared about dying horribly. Pauline went over to comfort him and calm everyone else down to stop the fighting. "We don't know a solution yet, but we need to try our best. We need to put our heads together and use all of our abilities to defeat him, because our friends, family, and all of these other people are counting on us to do something."
Daisy agreed with Pauline. "Yeah! We have to try! If we don't stop him from taking over the world, we don't get to go to Senior Prom, and we don't get to dance with our boyfriends and girlfriends!" she said, and Syrup said, "and we worked so hard to set it up this semester!" and Rosalina said, "And we won't get to eat the food at the buffet table!" They all had great points, but Mario said this: "If we don't stop Satan, we don't get to graduate high school, and we will never have gotten to live, and I will lose my girlfriend and my baby at the same time.
Luigi frowned. Everyone had so much to lose, and he felt guilty for just giving up on them. "All right, I'll try harder from now on to be more positive. But what should we do now?" Luigi asked. No one really knew. Defeating Satan and Mona from taking over the world would not be easy to do, and they didn't even know where to start. "Hey, what if we went to the library to research ancient texts!" Luigi suggested, because he is a nerd so of course he would suggest this, "Maybe we can find some answers on how to defeat Satan!"
"Great idea, Luigi!" said Peasley to his boyfriend Luigi. They were at least getting somewhere with this. They all decided to go to the library first to find some leads on how to kill Satan and save the world. They got there, and the library was empty, and so was every other place because everyone went home to hide with their families because they were afraid of the end times. They went into the library and sat down at a table. "Okay, which section would they keep the ancient texts?" said Daisy. She had never been allowed into a library before, and everyone was surprised Rosalina could fit into it after all her body had been through.
"Maybe in non-fiction?" said Syrup. She and Daisy went to go look in there. "Maybe it's with the religious text," said Pauline, so she and Peasley went to the Fiction section. Rosalina was busy eating the candy from the bowl on the front desk. But Luigi, being the nerd type, knew exactly where it could be. "Come with me, Mario. Help me look over here."
Luigi led Mario to the very back of the library. This part of the library was dark because the lights didn't work. At the other end, there was just an old door. "Luigi, there are no books here. It's just a shitty old door. Is this some stupid game?" said Mario, getting a little pissy and impatient, but Luigi said, "No, this door leads to the secret area of the library. Just follow me, I'm sure it's down here." Luigi took out a key and unlocked the door, and he opened it. Mario was curious how he knew what this door was about, and how he had the key, but that didn't matter.
When they entered, it was dark, so Luigi lit a match to lead the way, like he was Santa and the match was Rudolph but if Rudolph was on fire in the movie that would be fucked up. They went down a giant, stone staircase. Mario thought it would be forever before they got there, but they got there eventually. Luigi turned on the light switch to the room, and the room lit up. It was a whole library, but it looked old and broken. It was the old library from hundreds of years ago. They could tell because the computers were outdated and spiderwebs were everywhere.
"Wow, this is the old library! They built the new one over this one and now this one was hidden away!" said Mario in surprise and amazement. "That's right! SO these books are from a long time ago! Our answer should be in one of these books." They started searching around the old library. Mario didn't enjoy the library as much as Luigi did so he got bored really quickly, but he had to go through it so he could save his girlfriend and their child together. Mario didn't find anything Satan related, but he found a book about an ancient Angel Goddess.
"Hey, I heard Satan talk about this Angel Goddess!" said Mario, except he thought it to himself and didn't say it out loud so he actually thought it and not said it. He opened it up and started reading it, and his face got so excited. He showed Luigi and he reacted similarly. They ran back to the regular library to show everyone else because it was a good find. "Guys! Stop looking because none of you will find anything as cool as this!" yelled out Mario to his friends and Rosalina. They stopped what they were dong, and they all sat at a table except for Rosalina because she couldn't fit in any of the chairs.
They all stared at the book while Mario and Luigi read. "So this will tell us how to defeat Satan?" asked Daisy, and Mario said, "I don't know for sure, but this is a book about the ancient Angel Goddess, which I heard Satan talk about. He said that Peach was a distant relative of the Angel Goddess, so if we read this book and find out about this Angel Goddess, we can figure out something to help us advance forward." Mario had a fair point, plus no one else had any better ideas so they just went with it. Mario opened up the book and started reading it to everyone else like a story-time we'd have at my old school.
"Many eons ago, there was an Angel Goddess, who was born from the Earth's core. She was the most beautiful creature to ever be conceived, and she was also the kindest. She was the Angel Goddess, made of all things beautiful, kind, good-hearted, and grateful. Satan stalked her constantly because he had a huge crush on her, and also because he wanted to get her pregnant so their kid could destroy the world, but the Angel Goddess thought he was a gross pervert. She defeated him by using her Angel Goddess powers, but that made her shed her Angel Goddess powers and she had to live among the mortals."
"She shed her Angel Goddess powers to save the world from Satan," said Luigi, "But how did she defeat Satan? How are we supposed to defeat him when we have no Angel Goddess powers?" Mario looked through the book again. "It says that she fought him in a great battle, and then, to finish him off, used her powers to make a great impact on Satan's body, and that resulted in a magical explosion. Satan is allergic to great weights being dropped upon him, and that causes him to explode in a violent way. The explosion will destroy his body and send his soul back to Hell for many more eons so he cannot come back to Earth for a very long time." Rosalina looked so sad.
Daisy was confused about this. "I don't think we could ever find something heavy enough to drop on him. If it were equal to Angel Goddess powers, it would have to be the heaviest object on Earth. We could never lift anything like that. I bet we could just blow him up with a rocket launcher and other explosive weapons! we could raid all of the weapons shops and firework tents in town and see what we can find!" Everyone agreed to this, and they decided they'd go there next. They'd need a lot of explosives to match up to the power of the Angel Goddess herself.
They left the library and started walking down the street. It was Mario, Lugi, Peasley, Daisy, Syrup, and Pauline, They noticed that Rosalina was not with them anymore. "Hey, where'd Rosie go?" asked Pauline. Mario laughed, "How could we lose someone so huge? HA! Anyways, we will look for her after we find weapons. I'm sure she'll turn up." They went down to the nearest weapons shop, and it was empty, just like the library and everywhere else. There were so many weapons, like swords and grenades and missile launchers and some other cool stuff that could become useful in the upcoming battle.
Luigi went over to look at the ninja swords because they looked like what the animes used. He picked one up and started swinging it around and looking so cool. Mario was bent over behind him digging through a box of grenades and picking them up. He put on a vest so he could pin the grenades to them. Luigi was still swinging the sword around, but he didn't know that Mario was behind him, and when he swung behind him, he cut a big long stripe into Mario's pants, and his underwear could be seen. "Goddammit Luigi! Be more careful!" Mario stood up to cover his ass out of embarrassment. "oops! Sorry bro!" said Luigi.
"Luigi, we can't play right now, and we need explosives. Put that down," said Pauline, who came over to Mario so she could put paper clips on his butt. "But it's so cool! And you never know when you need a sword. Can I please have it?" Luigi begged because he wanted the ninja sword so badly, so Pauline gave in. "Fine, but please be careful. We don't need you hurting anyone." Luigi was usually very smart, but he could be so silly and childish sometimes. He did a bow and said something in Japanese and put the sword into his holster, and he put it on his back to look cool.
Daisy picked up a giant laser-guided missile launcher with her strong farmer arms. "Oh yeah, this will take out Satan, I just know it!" Daisy was so excited and she looked like she was going to make her gun her new girlfriend. Pauline loaded her red purse with a bunch of bombs and matches, and Syrup got a grenade launcher and some land mines. Peasley got two shotguns that shot out explosive bullets. They were all so decked out in explosive weapons and they looked so ready to fight Satan, except for Luigi who just had to have his fucking sword.
Now that they had their weapons, they were ready to fight Satan when the time came. But for now, they had to look for Rosalina, who wandered off earlier. "How could she just run off at a time like this?" said Daisy, getting worried. "How can she run at all?" said Mario, still able to make jokes in such trying times such as these. They kept calling out her name super loud in hopes that she would hear them. "Rosie! Rosalina? Where are you? Get out here!" they called out to her, but they didn't feel the ground shaking so she wasn't coming towards them.
They walked for a while longer through town, until they started hearing noises. It was coming from the Super Duper Mario Mart, the biggest grocery store ever made. It sounded like a disgusting monster, but when they ran inside to see what was going on, they could see it was just Rosalina. She had been eating the entire time. She had snuck off while they were doing important stuff to eat everything in the store. "Rosalina! Have you been eating at this store the entire time we were preparing for our great battle with Satan?" Pauline asked, super angry at her friend.
"No," said Rosalina, "I also ate everything at the diner near the school." Rosalina was so massive right now. No other description of her in this story could compare to how she looked now. She was so massively obese that all of the aisles of the store has been crushed under her or have been forced to the very edges of the store. She was eating so much food, and she had gotten like 100x fatter than she had been earlier. Now she could not fit into any building and would probably be able to eat a normal sized building at this point.
"I can't believe you! We were out there working hard to prepare to defeat Satan to save Peach and the world from being taken over by Satan, and you were over here stuffing your fat face with groceries?" Mario was so pissed off that he was yelling at her. "I'm over this now! Ever since you've gotten fat, you've become so annoying, and all you care about is food! You couldn't even stop eating when the world is at stake!" Peasley started yelling too. "Yeah, how could you do this to us?!" Everyone else was so mad at her too.
This hurt Rosalina's feelings so much, but she kept eating anyways. "But guys, you don't understand, I am helping you by eating. I need to do this." But no one was buying it and didn't care. "I don't wanna hear it Rosalina!" Mario was getting angrier and angrier with each second he had to look at her. "This is the last straw! We are no longer friends, and we're going to do this without you because you've proven yourself to be totally useless! You should have died instead of Wario and Waluigi!" Mario stomped out, and everyone else followed.
Rosalina was so sad now, since all of her friends hated her now. She cried a little, and tears came down and hit the floor so hard that they made giant holes, but even though her friends weren;t her friends anymore, she knew what she had to do, and this was for their own good. She still had to do this to help them.
Mario was so angry that his foot stomps made cracks in the parking lot of the Super Duper Mario Mart. "Stupid Rosalina! I hope she chokes on some corn dog!" Mario was so mad, and so was everyone else, but they were also sad. "Mario, maybe you went a little too far." said Pauline. They didn't want to not be her friend, and they didn't want her to die either, and neither did Mario but he was just so mad and stressed out because it's the apocalypse. "I don't care! We don't need people like her dragging us down! I'll save Peach and defeat Satan without her fucking help! Besides, I know someone who's a lot more useful...if we can find him."