I don't own any characters other than Delaney and a few of her crew. All other characters, plot, and fictitious lands are property of their respective owners.

"Stop right there. That's exactly where I lost it. See that line? I never should have crossed it. Stop right there. I never should have said that. It's the very moment that I wish that I could take back."

Relient K : Who I Am Hates Who I've Been

35

Delaney –

The letter sat on the counter and we all stared at it was a bit of shock. The thick white envelope it had come in was still jammed full of papers, offering their congratulations and lauding me. Me… I was too stunned to do anything other than stare along with my brothers.

It was like magic.

A magic letter.

It had the ability to stupefy us all.

"Well, you aren't going, are you?" Ethan broke the spell and I looked up startled.

"Why wouldn't she go?" Jeffery glared at Ethan. My oldest brother was a cast iron copy of my father. Regimented, respected, and terrible. Not to me. I was his baby sister and he loved me stupid, but others knew his temper and it was a horrible thing.

"This is Delaney's chance to…do something. She doesn't have to be one of 'Captain Carter's cutting boards' anymore." Robb, the next in line, was a wisp of a boy. Tall and thin, he looked like he was prepared to vanish into thin air. Life in the Carter house had robbed him of everything but his bones.* Getting out from under the Captain's thumb was his dream.

"This is an opportunity for her, Ethan. You should be proud of her." Keith was quiet, but he was also my champion. He interceded whenever the beatings got too rough and he had the scars to prove it. He took what was meant for me whenever he could, even though he was only three years older.

Ethan ground his teeth and glared at the letter like it was the physical form of all things evil in this world. His good eye flashed to me for a split second before he grabbed my letter and all but thrust it into my chest. "Fine. Go to fucking school in the middle of goddamn nowhere. Leave us all to rot here. Abandon us!"

He might as well have belted me himself. That would have hurt less. "Ethan, we knew this could happen when I applied…"

He threw his hands up and stormed out. I heard the front door slam and I sagged under the weight of his anger. We were together in everything. Ethan was my twin, my other half, and yet here I was with my future in my hand, crumpled and a bit torn.

"Don't you dare let him get to you, Laney," Jeffery ordered.

Robb slung an arm over my shoulders. "He just doesn't want to lose you, kid. But this isn't about him. It's about you. You have a chance. Ole Miss…you've wanted to be a bulldog since you were six."

"Something about the fight song if I remember correctly." Keith added his calm, low voice to the mix and kneeled in front of me. "You have to go after what you want, Laney. No one is going to hand over the things you deserve. Ethan will come around. Just give him time."

It went on like that for the remainder of my senior year. Ethan didn't come around. He ignored the shortening time we had together. So long as I never brought up school, things between us were fine. Anytime I did, it was followed by a fight that shook the house and inevitably brought on the wrath of our father. The day Keith was to drive me to the airport, it was particularly bad. The only thing that helped me bite back the cries of pain was the knowledge that this would be the last lashing I would have for a while, and certainly the last Ethan would receive on my account.

Once it was over, Ethan stood in the doorway while I pulled a fresh shirt over my head. I loved my Eddie and the Cruisers t-shirt and I always did my best to ditch it before a beating, lest it get torn. I looked up at my brother. He wasn't looking at me. He was looking at the room we shared. My side was all packed neatly away into boxes and in the van. The walls blank, the clothes washed, folded, and boxed. Personal things tucked away. I saw his face and knew before he even opened his mouth what he was thinking.

But surely not now. Not after we just bled together.

"Ethan…"

"Why are you doing this, Laney." Ethan's face twisted. "Why are you being cruel? What am I supposed to do without you?"

Eleven months. Eleven months of being made to feel guilty for something that should have made me happy. How could he do this to me? No one stopped him from going after an out of state school. The older boys had stuck close to home for our sakes, but we were the end of the cursed line. There was no one for us to stay behind and protect. Ethan had the same grades as I did. There was no choice but to get high marks since da insisted that we excel. He could have done what he wanted with his life, but he chose to do nothing. That was his choice. Mine choice was to be more.

"Enough. Enough, Ethan. I can't stand this moping, whiney, annoying shit anymore. This is my decision, not yours. For Christ sake you're seventeen years old. Get your own life and let me live mine without your fucking dramatics." I knew she was being harsh, but what else was I supposed to do? My patience was gone. My understanding was obliterated. There was no more tact left in my body. I was sick and fucking tired of protecting him and coddling him, and putting him first.

Ethan turned and stormed down the steps, away from me and away from my inevitable departure. The second he was gone I felt guilt completely overwhelm me. Shit. Why does my temper have to get the better of me every single time. Of course he's upset. Seventeen years of being joined at the hip and now…I sighed. I couldn't really go off without saying goodbye to my brother… my twin. I heard the front door slam and knew that he was making a run for it.

I pulled on my sneakers and searched for him on the busy sidewalks. He was heading downtown and I caught up to him quickly. I'm faster than he is. "Ethan?" I grabbed his arm but he shook me off. "I will jump on you," I warned. He had to stop at the cross walk and I stood in front of him. "I'm sorry."

"No you aren't," he snapped, refusing to look at me. "You are just trying to make nice before you go. Don't bother, Laney. Just go."

This was quickly becoming repetitive. "Ethan—"

"Just go!"

He shoved me. I stumbled back but missed the curb, rolling my ankle and slamming into the crosswalk hard on my back. My head made contact with the ground with a painful THUNK. I bit back the pain and tried to shake the stars from my vision. Someone shouted as I levered myself to my knees. Someone else screamed.

"Laney!"

I heard car breaks squeal, and smelt burning rubber, and then…

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"The next thing I knew I was in the woods." Delaney shrugged as though it were nothing. "I wandered around a bit before the patrol picked me up. They scared the crap out of me. I thought I was going insane. I mean, Talking Animals? It sounds crazy, doesn't it?"

Grace just stared at Delaney trying to make the necessary adjustments to this new information. It sounded like…Was Delaney saying that…

"Do you mean to tell me that you…" Grace's question faded off, the ridiculousness in the words freezing them in her throat.

Delaney knew what she was asking regardless and she nodded, holding Pine close to her chest for comfort. "I think I died."

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