Hello and happy Saturday. Sorry this chapter is late. I tried to get it up earlier, but I was having some trouble and am not too pleased with it but at least it's better than nothing. It may seemed rushed and I apologize but it'll set the next chapter up nicely.
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Enjoy!
The sound of Jack's beating heart and the warm feeling on the small of my back lets me know that this is real. Jack's actually here, I'm in his arms and there's no where else I want to be. I'm so caught up in the moment, I don't realize we're alone until I hear the door close with a loud click. Slowly pulling away from our embrace and looking around the room, our parents left us alone, for obvious reasons. "So, how are you feeling?" Jack asks, sitting up and rubbing the back of the neck, something he does when he's nervous.
"I'm okay," I reply, shrugging my shoulders. "How are you?"
"I'm good. I mean, my side is still a little sore but they said I should be good as new in about a month," Jack answers casually.
"I'm glad to hear that," I nod, looking down at my lap. "And, I guess I owe you a thank you?"
"Well, a thank you would be nice, but not all that necessary. What I do want to know is why you didn't tell me?" Jack states firmly.
I lift my head up quickly, almost in shock as he expects more out of me when hasn't been a friendship between us in months. His eyes bore into mine as I snap, "You don't get to act like that!"
"Act like what? Like I actually care?" He shouts right back.
"Yes!" I scream.
"Sorry to disappoint you but newsflash, Kim. I do care! I care so damn much that I flew out here to save your life," Jack fires back, the anger between us boiling hot.
"I never asked you to do that? And, how'd you even find out in the first place?" I hiss.
"I know," Jack sneers. "You'd rather be selfish and died than ask for help. And, I put the pieces together when my mom has to suddenly leave. I mean, it took me few days, but once I knew what was happening I fly out."
"I ask for help, thank you very much. And for your information, I was on the transplant list. I could have gotten a new kidney without you," I shout.
"Seriously," Jack growls. "Out of all of that, you only got the part about getting help?"
"No I –."
"Hey, you two," Dr. Lindy interrupts with a frown on his face. "There will be no yelling in this room or this hospital. And, in case you forgot, you both had surgery recently. Your bodies don't need this added stress.
"Sorry," we both grumble.
"So, I can see that this wasn't the best idea. Mr. Brewer, if you'd be so kind and leave Miss. Crawford's room now. I think you both need to cool off. And, I do appreciate and thank you for your sacrifice," Dr. Lindy continues softly.
"Of course, sir. It wasn't a hard decision to make," Jack replies as I can see the honesty in his eyes. He glances over his shoulder for a second before he and Dr. Lindy exit my room still chatting.
Not even a second later, my mother and aunt rush into my room with unpleasant expressions on their faces. "What did you do?" My mother questions me in a low voice.
"Nothing," I respond a little too quickly.
"So, you and Jack just happen to be yelling at one another for no apparent reason?" My mother pushes.
"Mom, I know you heard our conversation so, just say what you want to say," I groan irritated.
"Fine!" My mother nods curtly. "I just don't understand why you're doing all this?"
"All of what," I probe with a raised eyebrow.
"I think what your mother is trying to say is; we don't understand why you're acting like a child and pushing Jack away," my aunt re-words, wanting to have an easier conversation.
"First off, I'm not like a child. And secondly, you both know why!" I counter bitterly.
"Yes, you are acting like a child. That boy just saved your life and loves you more than you know. And, you're yelling at him because you're upset. You're letting your emotions take over and that, that's the true definition of childish. Are you sure you we know why? Or, are you just assuming we do? Because from where we're standing, it looks pretty one sided to us," my mother points out, dishing it right back at me.
"Okay, fine. So, I may be acting like a child, but I can't help it. My life has been a juggling act and with everything that's happen, I'm just tired of it all. I know that's not an excuse for my behavior, but it's the truth. I'm sorry and honestly, I would have figured you knew, but maybe I was wrong," I sigh.
"We get it and we're not holding it against you. We're sure anyone who has been what you've been through would have the same mentality, or close to it. And we think we know, but we think you're using us for an out so you don't have to say it. Because when you do, you can't take it back," my mother remarks in her motherly voice.
"And Kim, after everything you've been through, are you still going to live in fear? This is your second chance. Your chance to make things right and to be able to live the life you've always wanted," Aunt Stella adds.
"I know," I murmur. "And you're right. Saying it out loud makes it real. I just can't do it. Also, as much as I want to take this new life and embrace it, it's not that easy."
"Why," both my mother and aunt inquire with raised eyebrows. "Because I'm scared, okay!" I scream, my hands balling into fists. "And, there it is Kim. But, we're not the one you need to tell. He leaves in a few days," my mother finishes with a pleased smile.
I return the gesture and lay back in my bed as the day just keeps getting more and more crazy.
Later that night, everyone's hanging out in my room but I am not in a chatty mood as the conversations I had earlier with Jack, my mother and aunt keep replaying in my mind. I hate to admit it but I am scared. Terrified even. That, even though we love each other, I feel like I trapped him somehow and owe him more than I can ever return.
OoOoOoOo
The following day is filled with tests and appointments. Thankfully my levels seem to be rising and are in the clear, which gives me and my family the relief we need.
The next two days are quiet and a little boring as my parents and aunt and uncle are slowly transitioning back into the real world with me close behind them as I am finally allowed to continue my classes via online. Things are how they should be, but there still one major hole I need to fix.
OoOoOoOo
It's one of my last few days left in the hospital when a knock interrupts my reading. "Come in," I yell to whoever is on the other side of the door as I go back to book.
I hear the door open and just when I'm about to put my book down, I hear, "Hey Kim," which results in me dropping my book with a loud thud.
"Jack, hey," I clear my throat as reach down to retrieve my book quickly.
"I, um, just wanted to say goodbye. I've been cleared to fly and we're heading out early tomorrow morning," Jack mentions with a mixture of relief and sadness.
"Oh, okay," I nod slowly. "Well, thank you for stopping by and thank you for what you did. It was very sweet and selfless of you. I'll have to find a way to repay you for all you've given up."
"Of course. I couldn't just leave without seeing you and telling you goodbye. We made a lot of mistakes and I wanted to change that," Jack speaks, his honesty reading as clear as day. "You're welcome. You know I'd do anything for you. I told you that before and it won't ever change. You don't need to repay me. You still being here is enough for me. And, I didn't give up that much. I just couldn't let go of you yet. God Kim, what happened to us?"
"I agree with you on that. We have a long list of mistakes and I want to change that. If this proves anything, it's that we never know how much time we have left. I know you would and that's what I loved and hated about you. You always went out of your way for me and for those you care about and its always felt like I couldn't give back. Me being here means more than I can ever thank you for. And yes, you did. You gave up your days at school and football your senior year. That's a huge deal. Thank you and honestly, I don't know what happened with us either. But, I want to change it," I say, catching my breath.
"Let's not change our mistake but learn from them. Let's stop living in the past and look towards the future that's bright with opportunities. Because like you said, life's too short to dwell petty things. I see your point, but that's just who I am. I never wanted anything in return but your love and attention, no matter how bad that sounds. If you're that keen on wanting to thank me, we'll come up with something, okay? School is just school. And, just because I wasn't physically there doesn't mean I still didn't have work to do. I did. My teachers gave me all my assignments to do while I was here. Football may have been a huge part of my life and what got me into college and where am right now, but it's not my future. It was fun to play, but it took so much time away from my life. So, I'm okay with walking away from it. And really? You truly mean that?" Jack questions with a serious expression.
"I like that idea and, I can do that. I know and I would never want you to change who you are. That's what I fell in love with and believe it or not, but you still got it. All my love and attention is to yours. Always have been and always will be. Okay, that sounds like something we can work on. That makes me feel a little better and if you say so. But, it still doesn't mean I don't feel guilty about the whole thing. Yes, I really mean it. I wouldn't say it if I didn't," I point out.
"Good, that's a start," Jack nods happily. "Kim, you don't know how long I wanted to hear you say that. You've had my heart the moment I drove you home the first day we met. We'll definitely work out something, along with you not feeling guilty. It was my decision and if you said no, I would have done it anyways. After losing Viv, I can't lose anyone else. Alright then, would we start?"
"It's a good start indeed and I'm glad we're on the same page," I giggle. "Okay, and I know you would have. We're all stubborn in that way, it's quite obvious. I feel the exact same way and we'll start right here, with me apologizing to you. That night, when we broke up, was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. But, I loved you enough to let you go. You do see that now, don't you?"
"That night was a nightmare and after a little while, I did finally see it. I just didn't want to admit you were right on your decision. You don't have to apologize for that anymore," Jack confesses. "But, I do own you a major apology for ignoring you for all those months.
I never meant to hurt you."
"Well, thank you. I'm glad you saw it and you don't need to apologize anymore either. You did so at the bonfire and it was at that point that I was so confused about my feelings. Of course I still liked you, heck, I loved you. But we were different people. We are different people and having to put myself back out there scares me. Falling back in love scares me. And now,
with you doing what you did to save my life scares me. Everything scares me now because for once in my life, I get to control how I live it. And, a part of me didn't want to tell you because I didn't want to drag you down with me. Or, have you feel obligated to me in any way. It also scares me that even though the surgery was a success, we don't know what could happen down the road and I didn't want you to have to go through something like that, again," I admit, laying everything out in the open.
"First off, I'm glad we're on the same page too and secondly, I understand your reservations. But, it's all a part of life. Even though you're scared right now, you're never alone nor will you ever have to face things by yourself. I know you don't want to hear it just yet but you have me. I'm always in your corner and as flattered as I am that you're taking my life and feelings consideration, you don't get decide whether I stay or not. I know things are uncertain but I'll be right here, for however long time allows us to be together. I let you go once and that was my biggest regret. So now, I'm holding on tight," Jack responds, looking me right in the eyes.
"Okay," I nod, not being able to find the words.
"Okay," Jack smiles. "I'm going to kiss you now," and before I can even answer, his lips are on mine in a needy, hungry and loving kiss. All our emotions filled into this kiss as we needed this and it felt even better than I remembered.
I don't know how long we're kissing for, but the sudden screams and cheering breaks us apart from our embrace. "It's about damn time," my mother, father, Anastasia and Aunt Stella exclaim.
"Yeah, yeah," I wave off, feeling the blush on my cheeks but happy none the less.
That night, it didn't matter that we were stuck in a hospital and crammed in a small room. The only thing that mattered was that we were all together and happy. Jack kissed me a handful more times before he left and promised to call me when he got back home to California. I was sad that he was leaving because we just got back together, but this was what we both needed. To focus on us, even miles and miles apart.
And, true to his word, Jack called me the next afternoon and every day after that. We got into a schedule of calling or texting each other at least once a day and Skyped on weekends as we determined to make this relationship work. Because not only did we want it to last this time around, we needed each other in more ways than one.
OoOoOoOo
Jack was back at USC and busier than ever as I too was busy, catching up on all my missed assignments. And although it was madness, the constant work kept us occupied from the other obstacles in our way as by the time we finally got a chance to breathe, it was already Thanksgiving break. Since I couldn't fly back to California, everyone flew out to New York and we celebrated Thanksgiving and Jacob's life together. Well, minus Jacob's mother who was with her brother and his family but called my mother and made plans to come out and visit.
Kelly, Jerry, Jack and I embrace the holidays and are reminded of how lucky we all are to have the life we have and the weekend after Thanksgiving, we all headed to the Hamptons, have a little bonfire on the beach and remember Jacob's life as it's been a dark year without him. "Do you think he and Viviana are okay?" Kelly asked me as we're staring up at the night sky filled with stars.
"I think they're more than okay. They're finally free from the pain we've all suffered and they get to be happy. I call that a good day my book. The only thing Jacob is missing out on is all the hot college girls he always talked about. Im sure he's devastated," I reply with a chuckle.
"Oh, he's more than devastated. He's probably looking down, yelling and crying at us about passing by all those girls. I can totally see him screaming, 'talk to her! talk to her,'"
Kelly adds, our laugher increasing.
"It's like we're killing him all over," I continue, the smile never leaving me face.
As our conversation goes back-and-forth from lightheartedness to serious; the love and pain is still there, but not as heavy as we not only remember the people they were and what they brought into our lives but remember that even if they're not here anymore, they're still a part of our life and we live in memory of them and for them every day.
As we stare out at the sky in contentment, Jack and Jerry join us, wrapping their arms around us not only for support, but for warmth as nights in New York can be really cold. Silence fills the air as Kelly and I give one last look to the sky, saying our goodbyes and then make our way back to the car, relishing in the moment and thankful we got to do that for Jacob; letting him know he's never forgotten, no matter where our lives take us.
OoOoOoOo
Within the next few days, everyone flew back home but it wouldn't be long until we were all together again as Christmas is right around the corner. Having the beginning of the semester be such a nightmare, I'm amazed and pleased I made it through and even feel like I kick butt on my finals; which is a miracle.
I'm helping my mother decorate the house got the holidays, the feeling of happiness, hope and a bright future looming in the air as I'm ready to start a new year. I need a new year.
The days and weeks pass by and finally, Christmas is upon us as all my family and friends are with me. The feeling of love surrounds the house as this is the Christmas spirit. Just being with the one you love makes everything better. Dinner was sadly chaotic as dad forgot to set the timer on the oven so the ham and potatoes got burnt. Mom and aunt Stella were too busy chatting that the items on the stove started to overflow and to top it all off, the snow was coming down so hard, we were trapped inside with the smell of burnt food, yay. "Well, I can say that this is the craziest Christmas I've ever had," Jerry suddenly speaks after everything is cleaned up.
"And that's saying something," Jack teases.
"We do apologize for the inconvenience," my mother smiles guiltily as the now half a ham and all potatoes our placed on the table.
"There's no need for that. It's just food. What matters the most is that we're all together," Anastasia waves off.
"I can't agree more. We all had quite a year," I add remorsefully. "And, since it's the holidays; there will you be no talking about it. Understood?" Uncle Bennett warns.
Everyone nods, taking their seats as we say a prayer before we eat. Yes, we prayed now. It's our way of thanking God for all he's done for us. Dinner was nice, mostly quiet but the company was the best around.
Words didn't need to be spoken as a simple smile or nod told us everything we needed. Present were simple this year. Money and gift cards. Which is one of the best gift you could get. After dessert, while everyone was doing their own thing, Jack pulled me aside so we could have a private conversation. For the first few minutes there wads awkwardness, but as soon as Jack's lips found mine, it was like the world was on fire. "Hi," Jack mumbles against my lips after we stopped kissing.
"Hi," I smile back.
"You doing okay?" Jack wonders, leaning his forehead against mine.
"Perfect," I reply in a heartbeat. "Good. Because there are a few things I need to say," Jack starts off, pulling back farther to look me in the eyes. "These past months with you have been the best months of my life. My love for you only grew and I never thought was possible for someone to love another person this much. I want things between us to be like how they were before, but I know that that's not really possible because we grew up and experienced different things. And I know there will be times when we don't see eye to eye. Or when one of us will break down because of frustration. We will fight over stupid things and I know I'm not the easiest person to deal with sometimes. But, that doesn't mean we love each other any less. I love you Kim and I want you to be mine again. So, will Kimberly Crawford be my girlfriend for a second time and stay with me, even when things get tough?"
"I love you so much too Jack. I have so much love for you its sometimes overwhelming. I know I can be difficult, stubborn and emotional, so you nothing to apologize for. Yes! Of course I'll be your girlfriend again," I cheer, trying not to cry.
"Thank god," Jack murmurs before giving me a kiss that makes me dizzy. "Now, one last thing. I think these two things belong to you," as I see him pulling out the necklace and ring he gave me.
"Oh Jack," I cry out.
He gives me that damn smirk while swiftly moving around to hook the necklace back around my neck and them grabs my hand, kissing the back of it along with my knuckles before slipping in the ring back on finger. "Now, everything's perfect, Jack beams, kissing me again with love. Love that warms me from the inside out as I couldn't agree more.
OoOoOoOo
Once the holidays passed, I never felt better in my life. Calmness, peace and happiness is all I need to make me feel like nothing was impossible.
The days, weeks and months roll by as my classes give me more freedom than I ever dreamt was possibly and with my health in the green, I was happy with how my life turned out. I was honored with the people that came into my life and I couldn't wait for the future, whatever it may be.
I'm currently sitting in a packed arena about to watch my boyfriend graduate college. Jack has worked so hard to get to where he's at and has been the best throughout every twist and turn we've come into contact with. We've grown as a couple and as people with our love stronger than ever before.
The ceremony was long, longer than I expected but the smiles on the graduates faces surpassed everything else. Graduating college is a huge milestone, for anyone and the happiness and joy it brings into everyone's life is like a new beginning.
I'm standing outside with my parents, Anastasia and Jerry's family; congratulating the few students I see walk by and then in the blink of an eye, I'm being lifted into the air and am screaming in surprise and delight. "Congratulations baby!" I grin, kissing Jack.
"Thanks babe. I'm so happy you're here," Jack smiles, kissing me again as my feet touch the ground.
"Are you kidding me? I wouldn't miss this. You just graduated from college," I yell happily.
"I know. It's crazy. But there's something even crazier I need to tell you," Jack says in a more serious tone.
"Okay," I nod slowly, bracing myself for the worst.
"So after broke up, I spent a lot of time trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life. The first thing that came to mind was wanting to fix things between us. I randomly applied to a few small job in New York and I found out about a week ago that I got hired by one company. I'm moving to New York this summer," Jack shares with nervousness.
"Oh my god. Are you serious? I whisper.
"Dead serious," Jack nods.
"I can't believe we'll be together in New York," I cry out. "I'm so proud of you!"
"I told you we'd be together soon," Jack winks as I leap forward and kiss him a third time, the filling making me feel like our future is brighter than ever.
"If I showed you my flaws
If I couldn't be strong
Tell me honestly, would you still love me the same?"
And, there you go folks. Please R&R and let my know what you think.
I don't own Adele 'Remedy' from the last chapter or R City 'Locked Away."
Please, let's try to reach 415-420 before the next chapter that will be up sometime next week.
Thanks and until next time,
Missy xx