It's Fun Time with Simpleton!Arthur. Everyone enjoy! Review replies:
jrfan81: LOL Arthur can be sweet . . . nah, you're right! And thanks!
HoRnIe DeMoN: Ohh, I forgot about the abs! Protective!Gwen gets to come out and play a bit more here.
Lady Cougar-Trombone: Yeah, most of the important players are safe. And doesn't it look wrong to say Aggy's right? But he is, mwah hahaha!
MerlinMorgana1579: Oh yes, Arty will get really cranky, but he should've seen that coming, LOL. Hey, I'm addicted too. Percy got away too. ;)
sjritts: More hysteria coming up! Yeah, I didn't like how the captured knights and Gaius were treated, so I changed it up a bit. I won't dwell on them either.
CHARLES CHUKU: Our fave smugglers in 3...2...1...
mersan123: Thanks! Yeah, Arthur is easier to handle simple, but he'd get torqued off really soon, I think. Plus, he really doesn't like using his power like that.
I luv Milarion 1201: Elyan deserves better, you betcha! I luv my good characters; so much less angst, but still enough. And thank you!
Crazyaniknowit: Ok, I'll let you be crazier for a while. It's gonna be a busy month anywho. o_O
OechsnerC: Woooo! Thanks! :)
Merlin, Morgana, Gwen, and Arthur had been walking in the woods long enough that Merlin knew they should be nearing a road. He sensed something nearby and stopped in his tracks; he held up a hand to stop the others.
"What's wrong?" Morgana asked.
Merlin listened for a moment. "I think I heard something. Wait here."
Arthur and Gwen nodded and Merlin headed off. Arthur took a few steps in the other direction before Gwen's arm shot out and snagged his collar. Merlin ducked behind a tree and caught sight of several travelers breaking camp. He was surprised when he felt something poking his back. As he turned, he saw a blonde woman holding a sword there. He looked beyond her and saw two other men holding swords on his three friends.
"Hello," the blonde woman said. She smiled at him and motioned for him to walk toward the camp. The others followed them down into the camp and up to a man who had an air of authority. That observation was enhanced by the fact that he was sharpening a knife. "I found them lurking in the woods," the woman told the man.
"See anything interesting?" the man asked.
"No," Merlin replied. He had to duck as the man threw the knife into a tree behind him. Yikes.
"You four want to watch where you stick your beaks."
"I didn't see anything, I promise. Neither did my friends. We were just passing through." Morgana and Gwen nodded; Arthur stared at the knife.
"They've no horses, no supplies, nothing," the woman said.
"Like to travel light, do you?"
"Something like that," Merlin replied.
"So where're you headed?"
"North, over the border." It looked like Morgana and Gwen had designated him as spokesman.
"Lot's kingdom. He doesn't take kindly to strangers, I can tell you. Likes to decorate his fortress with their heads."
"I don't like this man, Merlin," Morgana spoke in his head.
"I don't either, but maybe he can help," he told her. Out loud he said, "So why are you heading there?"
"I have my reasons."
"I hope you're right," Morgana replied.
"Right." To Morgana: "Me too."
"I agree with him," Arthur blurted out, pointing to Merlin.
The man looked at Arthur quizzically. "What's wrong with your friend?"
"He's a simpleton, he can't help it," Merlin said.
"Look after him, do you?"
"It's a group effort," Merlin sighed. Arthur nodded; Merlin and Morgana rolled their eyes.
The man narrowed his eyes at them suspiciously, then looked back at his wagon." Very well, I suppose you can be on your way." He retrieved his knife from the tree.
"Could we not come with you?"
The man scoffed. "I'm sorry." He didn't sound particularly sincere.
"Please?"
"Don't push it, boy. You're lucky I let you go with your lives." He and the woman turned to leave.
"I could pay you." They paused and turned back to the four friends. "With gold."
The man became friendlier. "Well, why didn't you say so before?" Arthur smiled like an idiot, but turned serious when Morgana glared at him.
After that, the group of travelers became more accomodating, but only enough to satisfy convention. When they left, Morgana and Gwen were allowed to ride in the wagon while Merlin and Arthur walked behind it. Merlin tried to make a few educated guesses about who these people might be. He sought to engage them in conversation without much luck. Morgana and Gwen tried the same with those around them, but didn't learn much either.
xxxXxxx
After several hours of travel, they came upon a reasonably spacious glade. The man in charge paused to give it a good look, then announced: "We make camp here!" He turned to help the blond woman down from the wagon. Morgana, Gwen and Merlin noted this.
She flashed him a smile as he caught her in his arms. "Why, thank you," she told him.
"My pleasure."
Merlin walked forward quickly to help Morgana and Gwen out of the wagon. Arthur trailed close behind and bumped him when he stopped. Merlin rolled his eyes and grumbled while the ladies giggled. After that, Arthur became fascinated with a nearby tree while the other three helped the travelers unpack and set up camp. At one point, Merlin walked to the back of the wagon to find something else to unpack. He found a box that smelled rather nice and opened it. The blond woman walked right up to him and slammed the box shut.
"That doesn't concern you," she said firmly.
"I'm sorry. It's just, I recognize that smell. That's frankincense isn't it?" Merlin asked.
The man walked up next to the woman. "What if it is?"
"Must be worth a fortune."
"It must be." Merlin and the man sized each up for a long moment.
"You're smugglers."
"We prefer to think of it as free trade," the woman said. The man chuckled.
"It's forbidden by edict of the king. If you're caught, you could be killed."
"Caught? Tristan and Isolde? I don't think so. We're too quick and too smart for the halfwit king in Camelot." So those are their names—finally! Tristan left, walking past Arthur on his way to do something else. He had no idea he'd been traveling with the "halfwit king" who was somewhat witless at this point.
"You don't say," Merlin said to empty air. He walked over to collect Arthur and take him to where Morgana and Gwen were setting up the things they'd been loaned.
xxxXxxx
Arthur and Morgana talked quietly while Merlin and Gwen made soup for dinner. All three noticed how much more polite and deferential this "simpleton" Arthur seemed. It wasn't just being susceptible to suggestion; they figured this was what Arthur could be like if he ever let his guard down. Apart from his tendency to hug trees, he was pretty charming.
Their dinner was ready after night fell. They sat on logs around their fire and ate. Arthur finished ahead of everyone else and stared hungrily at the pot of soup. Gwen finished hers and noticed Arthur's look. "More soup?"
"Yes, please," he replied. Gwen took his bowl and ladled more soup into it. She handed it back, which prompted Arthur to say, "Thank you." He lifted the bowl to his lips to eat.
"A please and a thank you all the same time? That's amazing," Merlin commented.
"Is it?" Arthur asked.
Merlin nodded. Morgana picked the thought out of his mind and said, "Let's just say manners are not your strong point."
"Really?" Merlin and Morgana nodded. "In what way?"
"Rude. Thoughtless. Insensitive. And that's when you're in a good mood," Merlin replied.
"Sorry to hear that."
"I don't think you realize how hard I work for you. I know you're the king, but it would be nice if you could do one small thing for yourself as a, um . . . gesture. Mark of respect."
"Sorry to have been a disappointment, Merlin. I'll try harder in future."
"Oh, I look forward to that." Merlin took a look around while thinking; his eyes landed on his friends' bowls. "On the other hand, why wait?" He dropped his soup bowl on top of Arthur's, then swiped Gwen's and Morgana's from their laps. He stacked those on the others then said, "That pot will need rinsing out as well."
"Of course."
"Merlin!" Gwen cried, aghast.
"And when you're done with that, the horses need a rubdown, too," Merlin added.
"My pleasure." They watched as Arthur got up and picked up the soup pot.
Gwen glared at Merlin. "Merlin, it's not nice to take advantage of him when he's like this. Morgana, tell him."
"Oh no. I'm not interrupting Merlin's fun. Arthur kind of deserves it. You know he does," Morgana replied.
Arthur had managed to carry the dishes to the bushes behind them, but stopped when he realized he didn't know where to go. Merlin noticed and pointed for him. "Over there." Arthur took a step in the right direction but tripped over the bushes and fell. The dishes came loudly crashing down around him.
Merlin smiled while Gwen called out, "You all right?"
"Yeah," Arthur replied. He got up and continued on toward the stream.
A giggle erupted from Gwen's mouth. Merlin and Morgana stared at her in shock. "What?" Gwen asked. "It is sort of funny." All three began laughing at that.
After Arthur returned with the (amazingly) clean dishes, the four friends moved to their bedrolls. A few "goodnights" were said, and they all went to sleep.
xxxXxxx
A few hours earlier, Agravaine and his men discovered the trail the four fleeing friends had left. They tracked them to the house with the clothesline and found Arthur's discarded armor.
Agravaine was astounded. What kind of coward would deny who he is? he thought. Out loud he said, "Men, this way! Can't have got far!" With that, they took off again.
As sunset neared, Agravaine's men lit torches so they could continue tracking as long as possible. Agravaine preferred to work through the night, but these were not, technically, his men. He'd allow them a few hours' rest to avoid mutiny. For now, he rode on while the rest ran behind him.
xxxXxxx
Arthur woke at sunrise and groaned. There was way too much light and his bed felt like the forest floor. It was also much colder than he liked. "Merlin?" he asked, but there was no answer. He cracked open his eyes and saw trees and sky instead of his canopy. "What the . . ?" He turned his head to see Merlin, Gwen and Morgana sleeping nearby. The last thing he remembered was being treated for cracked ribs. Or was it? His head hurt when he tried to remember, so he decided to wake Merlin and make him tell. He crawled over to the warlock then poked him a few times to wake him. Once Merlin's eyes were open, he said, "You better have a damn good explanation for this Merlin." The warlock just stared at him. "Fine. Then I'll just carry on poking you."
Merlin scrambled to his feet and pulled the King with him. "Arthur," he said, like he was looking at him for the first time. He looked into Arthur's face, took his arm and walked him a short distance from the ladies. "You're back."
"What do you mean 'I'm back?' You're talking gibberish."
"Listen to me, please. Camelot is lost. You were injured in an attack and passed out. I had to get you out of there."
Arthur's mouth hung open for a moment. Now he remembered. "Where are we now?"
"We're heading north to a safe haven, to Ealdor. Hopefully the knights will meet us there."
Arthur looked around the camp. "Who are these people?"
Merlin looked away. "They're, uh . . . smugglers."
"Smugglers?!" Arthur nearly yelled.
"Shhh!" Merlin looked around. People were stirring, probably from Arthur's exclamation.
"All right, let's assume, for one moment, you know what you're doing. It doesn't explain why I look like a village idiot."
"It's the perfect disguise. No one would ever suspect you of being, you know . . . who you are." He noticed that Gwen and Morgana were sitting up in their bedrolls.
"I'm sorry, Merlin. I am not going around looking like this."
"You have to. You must keep in character."
"Character? What character?"
As if to prove his point, Tristan walked toward them. "You," he said to Merlin, who turned around. "We leave as soon as the horses are watered. Explain it to the simpleton, would you?" Arthur glared at Merlin, who smiled sheepishly.
The two men walked back to Gwen and Morgana. They relayed the message then Merlin started helping them pack up. Arthur just stood there glaring until Merlin hissed at him. He did have a character to maintain, no matter how irritated he was about it.
Merlin carried Arthur's sword as their little group walked toward the wagon. Arthur reached across Merlin's body and took the sword back. Tristan and Isolde looked up as they approached. "Simpleton," Tristan said. He looked down at Arthur's sword. "Impressive piece."
"Thank you, sir," Arthur said.
"May I?"Tristan reached for the sword and Arthur let him take it. He examined the blade closely. "Magnificent. The only place you find workmanship of this quality is the royal forge of Camelot." He pointed the sword at Arthur's throat; Gwen glared. "Tell me, how did you come by it?"
Merlin stepped in. "I won it in a card game. Gave it to him as a present. Won't be parted from it. Makes him feel safe." Tristan narrowed his eyes suspiciously. Arthur nodded stupidly and Tristan handed the sword back to him.
"I hope for your sake that's true." Arthur took the sword like he didn't know how to hold it. "I'd hate to think that I was riding with a knight of Camelot."
Arthur hugged the sword to his chest. "Aye."
Isolde giggled. "Knight of Camelot? Look at him." Merlin and Morgana chuckled while Arthur purposely fumbled putting the sword in his belt.
"You're right. Their knights may be stupid, but they're not that stupid." Tristan began chuckling while Arthur smiled and chuckled with the rest of them.
Merlin tussled Arthur's hair. "Did you pack your things, simpleton?"
Arthur smiled and grabbed Merlin's arm. He leaned into him and whispered, "Call me that again and I'll run you through."
"Don't worry, sire, I'm sure you won't have to keep it up for too much longer," he whispered back.
"How long?!" he whined.
Suddenly the man walking past them was shot with an arrow. They turned and saw Odin's men charging into the camp. Arthur and Merlin yanked Gwen and Morgana out of the line of fire. An arrow struck the tree next to Arthur's head. They half-ran half-crouched to take cover behind the wagon with Tristan and Isolde.
Arthur took charge of the situation by saying, "Head for those trees, we'll cover you." Tristan and Isolde exchanged a look, confused at his change in persona. "Do you want to live or not?" Tristan stepped forward to question Arthur, but Isolde grabbed his arm and pulled him away. "You too, Guinevere and Morgana. No Morgana." Morgana was shocked; she hadn't even opened her mouth to protest yet. Gwen seized her wrist and pulled her toward where Tristan and Isolde had gone.
Arthur grabbed two crossbows from the wagon and gave Merlin one. They fired crossbows at Odin's men through the wagon. Merlin grabbed a couple more bolts and tossed one to Arthur while reloading his own. "Now what?" Merlin asked.
"Now it's our turn."
"Who's going to cover us?"
"Don't be a simpleton, Merlin."
They took aim and hit another two enemies, but more kept coming. Arthur grabbed his sword and they ran off. They took cover behind a fallen tree with the other four. Agravaine directed the bad guys around the wagon.
"They haven't found the cargo," Isolde said.
"They will. Besides, they weren't after the cargo." He turned to Arthur. "They were after you. Who the hell are you?"
"My name is Arthur Pendragon."
"The king of Camelot!"
"At least I was."
"I've lost everything I've worked for because of some good-for-nothing king!"
"That's quite something coming from a smuggler."
"Well, I wouldn't have to be a smuggler if it wasn't for your damn taxes, would I?!"
"Those taxes help protect the people of this land."
"My people are dead. You call that protection?"
Gwen cut in. "Excuse me, sorry to interrupt, but . . ." She directed their attention to Odin's men charging them from behind.
"Merlin, take Morgana and Guinevere and run!" Arthur yelled. Merlin took their hands and obeyed for once. If they'd had weapons they could've stayed to fight.
Arthur turned back to the impending attack. He and Tristan charged the enemies and fought side by side. Isolde took on two men. One elbowed her in the head and slashed her sword arm, then kicked her to the ground. The attacker poised for the final blow, but crumpled as Arthur stabbed him in the back. Tristan ran to Isolde and held her. Arthur watched empathetically.
"Isolde. We had a deal. Partners for life, remember?" Tristan whispered.
"When have I not kept my promises?" she replied. Tristan kissed her forehead.
Arthur hated to break up the tender scene. "We need to keep moving. There'll be more coming soon."
"Then go. There's nothing stopping you," Tristan spat. Arthur rolled his eyes.
"Come with us to Ealdor. You'll be safe there," Merlin's voice said. He'd walked back.
"I'm choosy about the company I keep." Tristan didn't want to admit need.
Isolde took a more practical view. "He saved my life, Tristan." To Arthur she said, "Thank you."
"None of this would've happened if it wasn't for them," Tristan argued. Isolde sighed at his stubbornness.
"She's injured. She needs shelter and rest," Arthur said matter-of-factly.
Tristan sighed, looked at Arthur, then back at Isolde, who nodded. "Very well. But know this, Arthur Pendragon, I do this for her. You and your kind bring nothing but misery to this land."
Arthur reached down to help Isolde, but Tristan glared. Arthur looked at Merlin, who then took Arthur's place. They put their arms around Isolde and helped her walk forward to the other women.
Thanks for reading! I just realized that Agravaine's death is the chapter after next (37). Woo hooo! But next up: the couples get some alone time before Ealdor and Morgause=creeper.