It's difficult, just a small bit, when everyone keeps staring. It reminds me of roaming eyes and self conscious thoughts, of hating myself because I didn't understand and then hating myself because no one else would understand either. This last week has been a blinding reminder of a time before I realized a lot of things that are incredible important to me now and are still important to remember.

On the other hand, Draco reminds me of those important things. He reminds me of the good and, at the same time, the me from before now that was hiding and he makes working towards being okay, being better, so much more than it would have been without him.

I had a lot of slip ups during the few weeks after we went public about being friends, times where I would start to panic, or times I acted a little too familiarly with Draco than I should to everyone's looking eyes. But we successfully built up what looked to be, to everyone else, a budding friendship, I hope.

We very slowly started spending more time with each other. Started talking more openly about our day to day, and it was... good. It was really, really good. It was being more content in our skin even if he still tried to hide behind his walls, it was breathing easier and relaxing more, it was being comfortable.

There was still everyone else to contest with, even our friends. Draco's little group tended not to question him too intensely, while some Slytherin's did just that. Those that did got cut down swiftly, I had seen it myself when I was on my way to Care of Magical Creatures.

I don't know who she was, but she wasn't happy with what she called 'House Disloyalty'. She spit words like the best of them, but all Draco did was give her a bored look worthy of Theo's passive demeanor. She wouldn't relent and all he told her was that she would never survive in the real world with naive brevity and traitorous words against the actions of House Malfoy. He left her with that, staring dumbly as he walked away.

There was also my friends and House to contend with; Harry skulked about, but mostly avoided me in favor of having more tiffs than usual with Draco, Ron gave me menacing looks but otherwise ignored me, Neville didn't question it much since he already knew Draco and me were talking, and the twins and I had a conversation about it – like adults, well, sort of – while curled up on one of their beds.

"So what's up with you and Malfoy." Subtle as usual, Fred.

"I think we're friends."

"Friends?"

They knew I held friends in a high regard – I didn't consider everyone my friend, although I had met almost everyone in the castle – and I had basically announced to them that I added a new family member to our ragtag group.

"Yeah. Friends."

"Just friends then?"

"What else would we be?"

"What George was really asking was if you were snogging him."

"I was not askin- "

"Yes. You were."

"No, I was- okay, maybe I was. So are you?"

If I wasn't so use to their bickering I might have gotten lost in translation some where, "No.. why would we-"

"Because he looks like he wants to snog you-"

"-But if he does something you don't approve and won't back off then-"

"-Hit him as hard as you can in the bollocks. He deserves it if he pulls something like that."

Fred winces at what I am guessing was some hard to swallow imagery. They're just trying to show they care, even if we both know lessons in self-defense aren't really necessary for me, it's a nice gesture and I love them for it.

Everything seemed to settle after a few weeks, as settled as things could be since people still talked about how freaking controversial a friendship was between a Gryffindor and Slytherin. Draco and I could walk around freely together now and we often took lunch together in the courtyard or in the library; unfortunately not in the Great Hall because we didn't want to start a fight if either of us sat at the "wrong" table, people were a little on edge at the moment.

Besides all the social aspects of life, things were quiet. My panic attacks weren't happening often and the future stayed quiet. Until I woke up sweating in the middle of the night.

It wasn't even a bad vision or anything, I still woke up in a frenzy and I couldn't understand why. The less pressing premonitions don't do this to me, and yet here I am freaking out about seeing what looked like some good old fashioned comradery.

It's late, I know it's late, it can't be less than midnight, but I also can't sleep now. The curtains on my bed are drawn, a precaution for nights like these as well as the silencing charm around me. I slip out of bed and quietly slip on my worn boots, which makes my baggy pajama bottoms bunch together but now they won't drag and make noise and grab my soft, purple jumper that Molly gave me for my birthday before slipping out the door.

The common room looks empty, but there's a girl asleep on the couch with books strewn on the table in front of her that I slip by on my way out. The corridor is cold and drafty and I am super glad I sleep in my fuzz socks or my feet would freeze off out here otherwise.

I hadn't really known what I was going to do, but decide quickly and head down the stairs that are barely moving, sluggish, as if half asleep.

The dungeons are colder than I remembered, but almost none of the torches and warming charms are active during the night time so I should have known, I think this to myself as a shiver escapes my control.

A staircase stops at a dead end wall, it looks like a dead end anyway, but Draco is sleeping in there somewhere; how to get to him? Maybe the door would let me in, it isn't like our portrait who can talk but it is apart of the castle and the castle can make its own decisions. I can't send my Mumbling Mist – isn't that a cool name – through an enchanted wall, but once it opens I could.

I put my hand against the wall and try to mentally convey my need for the wall to open up. I just need to talk to Draco, I don't even need to go inside I just need you to be open for a minute so I can send my message please, pretty please. I just need to talk to him, please open.

I wait for a few minutes and it still hasn't opened so I drop my hand, resigned to think of something else. The wall seems to think otherwise and a corridor quietly appears before me.

Yes! I quickly sit down in front of the new corridor – criss-cross of course – and focus on speaking into my cupped hands.

"Draco.. Wake up. Come downstairs. Wake up, wake up, wake up. Come on Draco, pretty please with cherries wake up."

Once I was satisfied with the length of the message that the tiny bit of mist could speak, I sent it on its way, next was the harder part.

I felt my eyes shift colors and closed them, looking through my little cloud as I moved it into the Slytherin common room. I found the dorms and checked through each door, drifting under the bottoms and looking at name plates and faces until I was able to find Draco and released the little cloud.

Once I let go of it I opened my eyes to find the wall in front of me again, all I could do now was wait.

Less than five minutes later the corridor opened again and Draco came out looking tired and a little worried.

We walked in silence until we found a cupboard, empty of anything but some dust bunnies; neither of us felt like talking in the openness of the halls even if there wasn't anyone wandering in the dead of night besides us.

He cast a quiet lumous before speaking, "What's wrong?"

What was wrong, was there something wrong? There was, but– ," It's actually kind of silly, now that I think about it. Probably, could have waited 'till tomorrow."

"Well. We are here now. Might as well." He gave a small smile, looking a little less concerned than before.

"I just had another vision, sight, premonition, whatever, and it was just a little weird is all."

"Weird? Want to elaborate?"

"It was just– not bad in the slightest, but I woke up in a panic. I calmed down but the whole thing didn't make sense and I couldn't go back to sleep."

"There wasn't anything upsetting about the sight?"

"No, just– it was actually kind of nice. Like a happy, cheerful, victorious moment and-," I contemplate if I should say what it was or not, but the vision was actually kind of harmless, "-it was just Harry and Cedric in front of a crowd, a hedge behind them, with their hands thrown up, smiling at each other and everyone cheering. I don't know who won, but they were friends at the end of it is what I saw.

"But then I got this feeling, like falling while someone watched, and I startled awake like I'd been slapped and... I dunno, it just got me really freaked out and confused because the normal, mundane dreams don't usually wake me up, even if they are visions."

"What do you think it means?"

"I'm not sure if it meant anything, really. I just kind of wanted to talk, calm my nerves."

He hummed and we both just stood there a moment. Talking to Draco had made me feel better, but I was still unsettled and I felt a twinge of guilt for waking him in the middle of the night over nothing.

He silently pulled me forward for a hug, knowing that physicality was a comfort for me – for both of us, even if he wouldn't say so.

It was odd, my forehead laid against the bottom of his chin and I wondered how much taller he would grow. The future, although I could see it, was a vague mystery to me. A puzzle with pieces missing, pieces that were blurred or hidden; knowing parts of it scared me all the more, working to put that puzzle together in the dark, and if I failed then people would die.

People would still die anyway.

He was warm against me, a contrast to the frigged air. It helped me feel a little less weighed down, like maybe the responsibility wasn't too much to hold.

Author's Note:

…..Okay. So. It has been.. all summer? All summer. And I haven't updated. Well. Very sorry. More updates soon? As long as my sister reminds me that is.