Rewriting Fiction
KarmaHope
35: Friday, 19 May (1916)
03.03.2016

The week from hell dragged on.

And on.

And on.

In fact, Karmyn swore it was the longest week she'd ever experienced, and that was saying something considering just how busy she'd been back in Somerville. With every passing day, she had grown slightly more adept at wilderness survival, and thus more efficient with her tasks. This had left her with even more time to fill, with even less to do.

Surprisingly, the lack of activity wasn't the disaster it had been back in Resembool. In fact, Izumi had been right. It was what she had needed to clear her head. She'd wondered how the older woman knew, but in the end decided that because she was Izumi Curtis was reason enough.

Karmyn stood in front of the tree that now bore two sets of tally marks: one set of thirty-one, which were still visible despite having long since scarred over; and one fresh set of six, about to become seven. She raised the large knife and carefully scored one more, pulling at the loose wood around the notch when she finished. There. Now her own achievement, while significantly less than those who came before her, was documented alongside theirs.

It was a silly thing, but seeing her marks above the Elrics' old ones filled her with a sense of pride.

As much as she wanted to return to civilization, she almost wanted to stay longer. Let her stay the full month! She could do it! Except rationally, she knew she couldn't. Not without more matches, as she had yet to be able to create a fire without them. She'd come close the night before – her heart had nearly leapt out of her throat at the sight of small tendrils of smoke – but she couldn't coax the wood into actually catching fire.

She had a brand new scab on her hand to show for it, though.

Karmyn sighed as she turned away from the tree. Izumi was scheduled to pick her up sometime that afternoon, and if she was being honest with herself, she didn't really want to go back. Well, she wanted to go back to civilization, but she didn't really want to go back to Izumi and the Elrics. It had been a long time since she'd been struck by debilitating anxiety, but whenever she thought about returning, she could feel it creep in on her.

She'd have to confess to Izumi that she only had one match left.

She'd have to confess that she still hadn't figured out what it was she wanted to do with her life.

She'd have to face Al, and honestly she didn't know if she'd be able to do so with a straight face; those thoughts from the cliff had refused to leave her alone.

There was one thing she knew for certain, however. From all the days and nights she had spent worrying about one thing after another, she knew she would have to carry through with her original plan.

Her original plan. The plan she had made back in those very first hours, when she hadn't thought she would live for more than a year. Obviously, the premise was slightly different, because now she knew that she would live. But it would have to be on her own.

It was inevitable, and it always had been. She would have to leave the Elrics. She may not have known what she wanted to do with her life, but she knew she would have to do it herself.

And she dreaded the moment she would have to tell them.

Just thinking about it, she could feel the anxiety creeping in on her again, and she forced herself to take deep breaths. Everything would be fine, she told herself. Everything would be just fine. She'd just have to take things step by step, and the first step would be to get off of the island in the first place.

Nothing would happen until she was off that island.

Karmyn wandered out to the beach and took a seat in the sand. She had already smothered the remains of last night's campfire and buried the entrails of her last meal, so there wasn't much else she could do now but wait. That was what her life had come down to, wasn't it? Waiting. Always waiting.

It was a stark contrast to the way she'd lived her life back home. Back in Somerville, that is. She had always been on the move, had always had something to do immediately after she finished the thing she was doing. If she didn't have anything scheduled, then she was likely taking care of her little brother or studying or … something. She had been so out of it back in Resembool that she hadn't minded the inactivity, but after the week on the island, it was starting to get to her.

She needed to be busy, and while that was the only thing she knew, it was better than nothing.

She hoped Izumi would show up soon. While just a little bit ago she'd thought maybe she could stay on the island for the full month, she knew she had just been fooling herself. She needed to get out, and she needed to get out now. She needed a shower. She needed a meal that was something other than fucking fish.

God, was she excited to eat something other than fish. One might think that she'd have gotten used to it over the week of nothing else, but the exact opposite was true.

She would be happy to never eat another fish again in her life.

It was with a certain sense of surprise that she realized this was how Edward must feel about milk. She'd have to tell him. He'd probably get a kick out of it.

Karmyn didn't know how long she sat there on the beach, mostly due to the fact she fell asleep in the sand at some point. She still hadn't been sleeping well at night due to the chill, even though the lingering warmth from the fire had helped. The warmth of the sunlight and the calm lapping of the water up on the beach lulled her, inescapably, to unconsciousness.

The prodding of a foot against her side was what woke her rather rudely. She sat up quickly, blinking painfully against the noontime sun. In a disoriented moment of panic, she hoped against hope that Izumi hadn't brought Ed and Al along with to fetch her like they had probably asked. She didn't want to face them now, not in her current state of grime and disarray.

To her relief, when she squinted upward and finally was able to make out a face, it was only Izumi looking down at her. Still, she couldn't exactly relax, for who couldwith Izumi Curtis staring down at them?

'So,' Izumi said, her arms crossed. 'You are still alive. I told the boys you would be.'

Karmyn pushed herself up into a seated position. 'Well,' she said, still squinting into the sun, 'I am glad I do not disappoint.'

The older woman didn't deign to give a response to her poorly-executed sass. 'Well, Karmyn?' she asked instead, 'What have you learned from your time here?'

I am the one, the world is the all, the echoes of the past whispered to her. I came from this Earth, and when I die, I will return to it.

But that wasn't exactly true.

Karmyn sighed. 'If it is all the same to you, can I tell you on our way back?' she asked hesitantly. 'I really need a shower.'

'All right,' Izumi acquiesced after a moment's pause. She then held out her hand. 'Matches first, please.'

Karmyn sighed again as she handed the box over, the one match left within rattling ominously. 'I tried,' she said weakly. 'I tried to start a fire without the matches. I got really close a few times, too.'

Izumi glanced at her raw hands. 'You owe me a favor for each one of those matches used,' she said as she turned toward the boat. 'Anything, anytime.'

'Uhm, yeah,' Karmyn said nervously as she pushed herself to her feet. 'Sure.'

She grabbed the knife and followed Izumi to the small rowboat. Together, they pushed it off the sand and back into the lake.

Stage one was complete.

It was with no small amount of luck that Karmyn managed to avoid the Elrics entirely as she made a beeline straight for the bathroom. Actually, it had nothing to do with luck at all; Izumi had purposefully sent the boys into town on some errand or another so they wouldn't be present when Karmyn returned.

Karmyn had thanked her profusely once she realized, and honestly, she was starting to wonder if Ed and Al had maybe exaggerated the woman's scariness when they'd told their story to Hiromi. Either that, or Hiromi had exaggerated it herself for comedic effect. Sure, Izumi was scary and fierce and always ready to beat someone up, but …

She couldn't put it into words, exactly. She'd just noticed that the woman had gone through extra lengths to ease her anxiety and make sure that she succeeded.

As she stood beneath the blessedly hot water of the shower, Karmyn realized that she already owed Izumi far more than she'd ever be able to pay back. She owed the Elrics even more, and she knew that debt would only continue to grow. And what had she given them? What could she possibly give them in return?

She hummed absently as she carded her fingers through wet hair. She'd already washed it twice, and was debating washing it a third time just for good measure. She never wanted to let it get that greasy again. She'd tied it up in the middle of the week and pretty much left it up, but it had still been gross; not to mention the fact that she'd needed to cut the tie out of her hair before she'd gotten in the shower.

Fuck it. She was washing her hair a third time.

The humming turned to hushed singing, the words from one of Kathy's old favorite songs falling from her lips as she lathered and rinsed her hair once again.

"But tell me, did the wind sweep you off your feet?" she murmured, "Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day, and head back to the Milky Way?"

When she reached the end of the song, she went straight back into it again, humming and singing interchangeably as she toweled off and dressed. It was only after she'd brushed her hair, when she opened the door and stepped out of the bathroom, that she finally fell silent.

She'd taken as much time in the shower as she could, but now she was faced with the inevitable. She needed to talk to Izumi about where she wanted to go from here.

The problem was, she still didn't really know where she could go from here.

Karmyn knew she had a few options:

Winry had asked her if she wanted to go to Rush Valley, which she had turned down. She didn't want to be an engineer – that had always been Kathy's thing – but knowing Winry, the offer still stood.

She could pursue alchemy with Izumi. The only problem was that, other than the military and research, she couldn't think of anything she could actually do with alchemy other than odd repair and construction jobs.

She could get a job. Sure, it would be some minimum wage job that she would probably hate, but it would allow her to get her own place and live her own life. At the moment, this option was looking like the most viable option – after all, her goal first and foremost was to reduce her dependency on her friends.

There was one more idea she'd had, too, although it was so uncertain that she wasn't entirely sure if it could be counted as an option. She knew so little about Amestrian education, but they must have a higher education system, right? It was 1916 here in Amestris – Karmyn knew well that Harvard University back home had been founded in 1636, with its law school established in 1817.

Karmyn also knew that, while it still felt like she was on summer break, it would feel weird not returning in the fall. If she had completed high school, perhaps she would feel differently, but education had been pushed at her extremely hard for her entire life. Back home, she had been so set on attending college, possibly even Harvard, and yet here she was without even her high school diploma.

It didn't sit right with her.

But what were her chances of getting into any school here? She didn't have any high school records. She didn't even have any personal records. She knew nothing of Amestrian history, and despite speaking the language surprisingly well for the amount of time she'd been there, she still wasn't fluent.

And even disregarding that last part, if she did get into a school, how the hell would she pay for it? She had no money, let alone enough for tuition. If she worked for a few years, perhaps then she would be able to afford it, but at the moment … there was no way.

She sighed heavily. Well, she supposed, it was time to figure out her future. After all that had happened, it was almost a miracle she still had one.

She met Izumi in the dining room. The other woman was already sitting at the wooden table, and so Karmyn steeled her nerves as she took the sat across from her. She ran her hand back through her still-damp hair as she tried to gather her thoughts. This time, she didn't have Ed or Al to translate for her when she didn't have the words.

'So,' Izumi said without preamble. 'What's the plan?'

Karmyn bit her lip. What were the chances Izumi would kill her if she admitted the truth?

'I … do not have one yet,' she said. 'I mean, I have a few ideas of what I could do, but I do not know exactly what action I will take.'

Izumi sighed. 'It's okay, Karmyn,' she said, 'You're in a difficult position. What are your ideas?'

Karmyn shrugged as she picked at the skin around her fingernails. 'I thought about going to school,' she said tentatively. 'I know that is not really possible, though, so … I could go to Rush Valley with Winry, study alchemy here, or get a job somewhere. Maybe an apartment as well.'

She took a deep breath, and finally looked up at Izumi. 'As much as I do want to learn alchemy, I do not know what it would be good for later on. I do not really want to be an engineer, either, so I think getting a job is the best option for me.'

Izumi said nothing for several moments, her lips thinning as she considered the teenager sitting before her. Karmyn tried her best not to shift uncomfortably in her seat, but she was fighting a losing battle.

'Maybe I was wrong,' Izumi said at last with a sharp, scathing edge. 'Perhaps you and those boys aren't so similar after all.'

Her words cut Karmyn to the core. Before she had the chance to conceal her reaction, she reeled back in her chair as if struck. She had been so proud when Izumi had told her she was similar to the Elrics – to have that statement suddenly rescinded hurt her more than perhaps it should have.

"Wh- why?" She realized belatedly that she had spoken in English, and hastened to restate the question in Amestrian. 'Why do you say that?'

Izumi fixed her with a hard look. 'Edward and Alphonse, when they knew what they wanted, did absolutely everything in their power to make it happen. Sure, some of their goals were incredibly misguided, and I'll never approve of them, but whenever they set out of achieve the impossible they either did so or came very close.'

'And … so did I, did I not?' Karmyn asked desperately, trying to understand where the older woman's sudden rancor stemmed from. 'As far as getting them home? That was an impossible task.'

There was a nod. 'Much more impossible than attending school,' Izumi said, 'which you have given up on before even looking into it.'

Was that what this was about? Her decision not to go back to school?

'But it does not matter,' she found herself saying. 'I should get a job, and an apartment. I should start living my own life, where I do not need to rely on anyone else.'

'Yes, you should.' Izumi steepled her fingers and leaned in. 'But is that what you want? When those boys lost their mother, they should have let her go. But they wanted her back, and so they fought for it. Edward should have waited until he was older to try for a state certification, but he wanted it, and made it happen.'

Karmyn was stunned into silence at how quickly Izumi had seen though her, suddenly ashamed of herself. Back home, in Somerville, she should have minded her own business. She should have walked away. But she had wanted to be friends with the new boys. She had wanted to help, and so she had broken the laws of the universe as she knew it to do so.

What made this any different?

Thoroughly chastened, Karmyn struggled to find words. At last, she stammered, 'I, uhm, I have not decided yet. Can I – can I have some time? To think?'

'Take all the time you need,' Izumi said, only a touch more gently. 'It's refreshing, to see someone think before they act for once.'

Not trusting her voice, Karmyn nodded. 'Thank you,' she managed to whisper before she stood and fled.

She didn't want to stay in the house. She could feel tears welling in her eyes, and the last thing she wanted was for Izumi to see her cry. As she stepped out the front door, however, she came face-to-face with the two people she wanted to see even less.

She hadn't wanted them to see her gross and disgusting – if she could, she would trade that for them seeing her cry in a heartbeat.

"Kai!" Edward exclaimed around his armful of paper grocery bags, "You're back! How'd it go?"

"Yeah!" Al chimed in from behind him. "What was it like? What" – he paused, his smile fading – "what happened?"

All the moisture in her mouth left to gather in her eyes. It was ridiculous. She should have been able to handle a stern talking-to. It wasn't even all that bad! But Izumi was one of her childhood idols, and she had been trying so hard to stay on her good side. Now, with her best friends staring at her in concern, that same look that they had been giving her for the last month, it was too much.

It was just too much.

"I – it's nothing," she said, unable to keep from glancing at Al before pointedly tearing her eyes away. "I just have some things to think about, and … and I'm gonna go for a walk. I'll be back later, okay?"

"Yeah," Ed said, "okay."

"Do you, uh, do you want company?" Alphonse asked in a rush.

Her heart skipped a beat before kicking painfully against her chest. "No!" she exclaimed, a little louder than perhaps was necessary. "No, I'm fine. Thanks, though. I'll see you later!"

She wouldn't say that she ran, except for the fact that she kind of did. She wasn't prepared. She didn't even want to deal with this in the first place, and being thrust straight into it while she was already emotionally compromised was … not ideal, to say the least.

Goddammit, why couldn't Winry have just kept quiet?

She had been so excited to finally get back to civilization – to finally see other people again – and yet here she was, happier alone. She had realized it was something she'd come to appreciate since arriving in Amestris, though. Back in Somerville, she'd never been alone. Living in close quarters with her family amid the bustle of the city, there had just always been people.

And if she was being completely honest, as much as she appreciated having the time alone, she kind of missed it.

It was only once she had turned the corner and the Curtis house was no longer visible that she finally allowed the tears to fall. The streets weren't empty – they wouldn't be on a Friday afternoon – but everyone was so caught up in their own business that they hardly paid attention to the crying waif of a girl leaning against one of the buildings that lined the street.

Karmyn couldn't even say for certain why she was crying. Izumi's criticism had been harsh, but it shouldn't have been anything she couldn't handle. She sniffed as she tried to pull herself together. It had just been too much, she decided. Too much to handle all at once, especially on the heels of her week on Fullmetal Alchemist: Survivor.

She was exhausted.

When at last the tears subsided to the point where she could see in front of her again, she peeled herself away from the wall and began walking. It was only then that she realized neither of the Elrics had followed after her when she had pushed past them so rudely. That was … unexpected, now that she thought about it.

She sighed as she wandered through the streets of Dublith. It really was a pretty town, busier than Resembool but quieter than East City. Every now and then, she could swear that she recognized a building or a façade, but she also knew that was impossible. Still, it was a surreal experience, and it was only the fact that she had lived in Amestris for over a month that kept her from having to pinch herself in order to prove she wasn't dreaming.

Gradually, she stopped paying attention to where she was going. Dublith was a small enough town that she should be able to find her way back without too much issue. She had, after all, figured out Boston by her early teen years. Instead, she focused her attention on the question that still lingered.

What was she going to do?

Should she fight for the ability to attend school, as the Elrics had fought for Izumi to take them on as her students? Or would it be better just to get a job and start living her own life?

'If I went to school,' she murmured in Amestrian, 'I would not be able to attend a high school without starting over, so I would probably go to college instead. The problem is, I would have to pay for it. Do schools here offer –'

She trailed off, unable to find the Amestrian word for "scholarships." She thought about it for several moments before finally giving up.

'And what would I study?' she asked herself as she continued, kicking at a loose stone in the street. 'I could not figure that out back home, and I have not been thinking about it since then. I sort of started alchemy with Izumi, but … not really?' She sighed heavily. 'Besides, I doubt alchemy is an actual college major.'

The worst part was, neither Ed nor Al had any proper Amestrian schooling past elementary school, so it wasn't like she could ask them. She envied their ability to take it upon themselves to learn what it was they needed to know, and then some. While she loved learning, she knew she couldn't do what they did.

"I wasn't expecting to have to make this decision for another year," she muttered, reverting back to English. She had since wandered onto some back street, so when she laughed softly, it echoed in the silence.

Gradually, she slowed to a halt. "Maybe I could work for a year, and then go to school," she said. "Then I could at least maybe pay for it."

At this point, she had her heart fairly set on returning to school. She had tried her best to talk herself out of it originally, but after what Izumi said, she'd found it harder and harder to do so. Because Izumi was right – if it was something she really wanted, she shouldn't give up before she even started.

She had forgotten that, somewhere along the way.

"Now." Karmyn sighed sharply and glanced at her surroundings. "How do I get back?"

She didn't recognize where she was. It wasn't surprising, of course, but she still felt a momentary surge of panic. She remembered making the conscious decision to not keep track of where she was going, and suddenly wanted to strangle her former self.

Well, first things first. She turned around and started walking back the way she came.

She most likely got the first turn right, and maybe the second, but by the time she reached the third intersection of streets she had no clue which way she had come from. Had she turned left or right here? Whichever way she had turned before, now she needed to turn the other way, and …

Fuck.

There was no denying the facts – she had managed to get herself well and truly lost. Out of habit, she grabbed her phone, which she still kept in her left pocket out of habit. She realized her mistake before she even unlocked it.

Staring down at the lit screen, at the old background image of her and her father together and smiling if they hadn't a care in the world, she almost burst into tears once again in her frustration. She couldn't call Ed or Al and tell him she was lost. She couldn't ask either of them for directions, and there was no one else in the back streets and alleyways to ask, either.

"Dammit!" she cursed, shoving her phone back in her pocket and choosing arbitrarily to turn right. She hadn't gone more than a couple steps when –

'You should probably go the other way, darling. This way only leads to a dead end.'

Karmyn yelped. If she hadn't already put her phone in her pocket, she would have dropped it as she whirled to face the source of her shock. Standing there, leaning against the wall with a self-assured slouch as if it was perfectly natural to be lurking in back alleyways, was a girl.

Well, a woman, Karmyn decided upon closer examination. She looked to be in her mid-twenties, dressed entirely in black with her dark hair slung back in a low ponytail. As Karmyn watched, she casually examined her nails, ignoring the fact her hands were clad in black gloves.

Karmyn took a cautious step backwards. 'I do not have anything worth stealing,' she said slowly, hoping the woman wouldn't notice the phone in her pocket.

The woman laughed. 'Oh don't worry, sweetie. I don't do that anymore. Still, a pretty girl like you shouldn't be hanging 'round these parts. It's dangerous.'

'I will, uh, keep that in mind,' Karmyn stammered. The woman leveled a steady gaze at her.

'I've seen you.'

'W-what?'

'Yeah, you're with the Elric boys, aren't you? When I heard they'd disappeared, I knew they'd be back sooner or later, but you, my dear, are a wildcard. She won't be expecting you.'

'Uhm.' Karmyn felt completely out of her depth. Was there something she was missing? She wasn't getting threatening vibes from this woman, but something was … off, to say the least. 'Who are you?' she finally asked. 'Who is she?"

'Oh, sorry, I didn't introduce myself, did I? Man, I'm still not good at this. Don't worry about the other bit. The name's Ava, don't wear it out.'

'Uh, sure, Ava. I am Karmyn?' It came out as a question.

'What you are, honey, is lost. And as much I'd like to keep you to myself' – here Ava laughed, as if sharing a joke with no one but herself – 'you should probably get back to the boys before they start to worry.'

It's probably too late for that, is what she didn't say. Before she had a chance to protest, Ava had already pushed off the wall and begun to saunter down the alley, her hands tucked in her pockets. She stopped after a few paces and turned.

'Well, are you coming?'

Karmyn had been taught time and time again not to follow strangers. Having grown up in the densely populated cities of Somerville and Boston, she had a well-developed sense of self-preservation. That sense, while telling her that she shouldn't trust this Ava woman, was also telling her that Ava didn't mean her any harm.

And so she followed, albeit quite a few paces behind, well outside arms' reach. They walked for several minutes, but at last they emerged on the main street that Karmyn recognized. Relief flooded through her chest at the sight.

'Uhm, thank you, Ava,' she said as they both paused. She scuffed her feet in the dirt nervously as she said, 'I think I can find my way back from here.'

She wanted to get away from this woman, who still thoroughly unnerved her. She didn't know whether it was how she'd just seemed to appear, or how she was dressed all in black, or if it was the fact that she seemed to know about her that made her so uncomfortable. Maybe it was a little bit of everything.

'Alright, darling. I'll see you around, I'm sure. Tell the boys I say hi, and good luck!'

'Uh, thanks? You too?' Karmyn called to her retreating back.

'Oh!' Ava exclaimed after a moment, pausing to look back over her shoulder. 'I've heard the University of Central has an excellent alchemy program, if you're interested.'

Karmyn felt rooted to the spot. 'I'll, uh, keep that in mind?'

Ava acknowledged her words, turned down another alley, and was gone. It took another minute for Karmyn to try and process what it was that had just happened. She had never felt this off-kilter, even when she'd first arrived in Amestris. At least then she'd known exactly what it was that had happened. This, now? She was still reeling with about a million questions.

Who was that woman? Did she have a last name? How long had she been listening to Karmyn in that alleyway? Did she know the Elrics? How did she know the Elrics?

She would have to ask them when she got back, but honestly, all she wanted at that very moment was a nap. Too much had already happened that day, and she was exhausted.

Yawning, she started the trek back toward the Curtis house.

14 YEARS, 03 MONTHS
Friday, October 8, 2027

Author's Note:

This chapter took me nearly three months to write – that's becoming a recurring thing, it seems. I meant to post this on Saturday for a proper 'Rewriting Fiction' Day, but I didn't quite get to it, and I wanted to at least be able to say that I posted it this month.

I hope this isn't getting too repetitive. We're gonna see things move forward a little faster from here on out, I think. I introduced a new character, at least! That's exciting!

05.27.2016
05.30.2016

No idea when the next chapter will be. Hopefully sometime in the next three months, at the rate I'm going.