.

I'm sorry for the person I became

I'm sorry that it took so long for me to change

I'm ready to be sure I never become that way again

'Cause who I am hates who I've been.

Naruto and Pain disappeared from a mutilated Konoha, leaving the survivors to bask in the destruction of the decimated village. Hinata, barely conscious, could see Kaiya a few meters away, lying in a pool of her own blood. She wasn't moving. Naruto…she protected you, didn't she? Just like…I was trying…to do. She closed her eyes.

"The nine-tails?! How in the world—"

"It was Hinata and Kaiya," Katsuyu explained. "They both fell trying to protect him. I fear that Kaiya may even be…" Shikamaru's eyes widened.

"Seeing that must've been a trigger," he figured, shaking. Kaiya can't really be dead. She couldn't be… "Can't you heal her, Katsuyu?" The slug fell silent for a few moments.

"I'm doing the best I can, but it will take longer than normal, because Lady Tsunade is out of commission, and I'm only a small fraction of my actual size. There isn't much I can do for her, especially with the extent of her injuries."

…

Kaiya's eyes fluttered open slowly. The first thing she noticed was the throbbing in her back and ribs, but it quickly disappeared. The second thing she noticed was that she was lying in a bed, located inside a fully furnished bedroom. She tried to get up and look around, slightly panicked, but she couldn't move for some reason.

"What the…?" Does it have to do with the pain I felt earlier? she wondered. But I don't feel it anymore. Kaiya blinked, a frown on her face as she looked around. There was a dresser a few feet away, located on the wall across the room; a mirror hung over it. There was a picture frame in the corner, one that held two different pictures. She squinted to see the faces of both. Her eyes widened.

In the first frame, on the left, was a picture of Team 7: Kakashi, Sasuke, Sakura, and Naruto. That wouldn't have been so surprising, as she usually ended up in either Kakashi's or Naruto's room for some reason or another. But there were two problems with that: One, the entire village was destroyed, so she shouldn't have been in anyone's bedroom. And two, the second picture proved that it was neither Kakashi's nor Naruto's anyway.

It was Sasuke's.

The picture on the right was one of Sasuke, about the age he was now, as well as Kaiya. They were together. Smiling. Holding each other. She wanted to puke.

"Are you going to be here every time?" she mumbled, turning away angrily. Her cheeks flushed as Sasuke's smiling face appeared over her, out of nowhere.

"If you'd stop thinking about me, maybe I wouldn't," he answered matter-of-factly. The red in her cheeks darkened as she growled. His grin widened.

"Tch. Whatever, just tell me why I'm here already. And don't give me any of that 'you know why you're here' crap." Sasuke's smile faded as he nodded, letting out a deep sigh. He sat on the edge of the bed, staring longingly at the picture of them together. She seriously wanted to vomit.

"Don't get angry, Kaiya. This is your deepest desire, you know." She frowned.

"What?" He pointed to the pictures.

"Your deepest desire," he repeated. "That I never left, that you and I were together, happy." She opened her mouth to say something, but he stopped her. "Don't deny it. This is the deepest part of your heart. You already know that your deepest fears live here, but you've accepted them and now they've cleared away. Because of that, you're able to see your deepest desires. It makes sense, doesn't it? All of your deepest thoughts, desires, hopes, dreams, fears—they all reside here. Memories, wishes, all of that." She remained silent. He was right—it did make sense. Well, as much sense as any of it made, compared to reality. "As for why you're here…just tell me the last thing you remember."

Kaiya closed her eyes as she thought back. A sense of relief went through her as she did so, because she should've been dead. Kurokaji should've turned her into ashes, but it didn't, thanks to Jin's chakra cloaking her. She sustained a heavy wound, but it could've been a hell of a lot worse.

"You're my best friend. I'm not going to let anything happen to you. I'll be your shield, just like I always have been. No matter what, I've got your back."

"So…I'm here because of Naruto?" she guessed. "What's the big deal? I mean, how is this different from any other time I've protected him? And what does that have to do with my deepest desires?" Sasuke showed her a toothy grin.

"It's not just about Naruto. It's about what you did for him," he explained. "You risked your life against an enemy you knew you couldn't defeat. Besides…there's more to this than just your best friend. You've lost many loved ones in your lifetime, Kaiya. It's made you cowardly." Her eyes narrowed in question. "But thanks to Zen, you've finally learned how to use your fear to your advantage. You've decided to use your fear of loss to protect the ones you're afraid to lose. But there's still one thing you've neglected through your training, something you haven't faced."

"What?" she wondered.

"Your fear to love," he answered stoically.

She didn't speak at first. Well, she couldn't. As soon as he'd said it, she realized it was true. It's not like the issue was new or anything. She'd been afraid of love for years, ever since Itachi left her. She thought she'd gotten over it when she admitted her feelings for Sasuke, but after he left, that's when she completely shut down. She was willing to eradicate all of her emotions except for anger and resentment in order not to get hurt again. It didn't work as well as she'd hoped.

But to actually hear that part of her knew that she still loved Sasuke—that she was afraid to, even though she'd been trying to convince herself that she didn't… Not to mention all the other people she was afraid to admit she loved, because that would make it real. And making it real would make it real to lose them.

Sasuke smirked, sensing her realization, and for a moment Kaiya pictured what he would've been like if he'd never given into the darkness in his heart. "Like I said, Kaiya, this is bigger than Naruto, and even Sasuke. This is about you being afraid to love anyone—even Kakashi. The fact that he's dead is why you're here…it's your deepest regret, not telling him how you feel. And the same would be if you were to lose anyone else you deeply cared about. That's why you were so determined to protect Naruto." Kaiya's eyes widened.

"I…"

"You do love Kakashi. I can feel it. Here, nothing is hidden from you," he explained. "But Kaiya…the fact is, you never told him that you loved him, that he was like a father to you. And now it's too late." Her eyes lowered; her hands clenched into fists.

"I already have a father," she told him shakily. "And he's gone. Kakashi lied to me. He didn't tell me that my mother and siblings were alive. He used me to kill them. Why should I say those things if he did all of that? He…he…he said he'd always be there. And now he's not." Kaiya paused, shaking.

"I promise you, Kaiya…I'll protect you with my life. I'll be by your side, always."

"He loved me, didn't he?" Kaiya lowered her head in shame, tears streaming down her face. Sasuke shot her a sympathetic glance, resting a hand on her shoulder.

"Asuma died without you telling him, too," he added. "He knew, I'm sure, but…people need to hear the words. Especially with you running away without any goodbyes, like you didn't care about them. You're afraid of getting hurt, Kaiya, and you're afraid of hurting others. You've been trying to distance yourself since you left the Leaf three years ago, but you can't seem to stay away. It's because you care deeply for so many people, and you don't want to lose them, because you're afraid you'll lose yourself. But it's time to stop pretending that you don't feel anything. Back when you trained with Zen and he taught you how to use your own fear as a weapon, this is the one fear you couldn't face. It's because it wasn't meant to be weaponized."

"…"

"Before you know it, life will have passed you by, and you'll be full of regret. Loneliness can turn you into a monster if you're not careful. You've seen it countless times before." Kaiya bit her bottom lip, staring at the sheets covering her.

"Every time I say 'I love you', they always leave," she said in a low whisper. "I can't trust anyone enough to love them." Sasuke did something at that moment that made Kaiya uncomfortable—yet it comforted her at the same time. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into his chest. Her eyes widened in shock, but then they closed. How she longed for the real Sasuke to hold her this way.

"If you really believed all of that, you wouldn't have gone to help Naruto. That's your resolve, Kaiya—you want to protect the people you love. The problem is, like you said, you don't want to love. You've realized its dangers, but you also know of its strengths. Love makes you do irrational things—whether that's good or bad is up to you. You have the choice to determine what kind of person it makes you, and that's why it's so dangerous. That's why you can't be afraid of it."

Hearing those words out of Sasuke's mouth was strange. Kaiya knew he'd never say anything like that, especially to her. It sounded more like something her father or the Third Hokage or even Kakashi would say. But this must be the Sasuke she wished was reality—the kind, comforting, wise Sasuke that she used to think existed deep down inside of him. It was obvious, though, that it was all just a figment of her imagination. Still, she was going to savor the moment while she had the chance.

"So that's it then?" She moved back, afraid that she might get too comfortable. Sasuke offered little resistance. He looked at her stoically, waiting for her to explain. She took a deep breath, trying to gain her composure. "I'm here because I needed to be reminded not to take everyone I love for granted. I need to express my love for the people I care about before it's too late; I need to see love as a strength and not as a liability. If I do that, then I'll overcome that fear." Sasuke grinned, crossing his arms as he nodded.

"Exactly. In your heart you know the truth, but you keep trying to convince yourself otherwise. You've been using that as a defense mechanism, to protect your heart, but it hasn't been working the way you want it. Even if you don't think so, accepting this is important for making decisions in the future." He paused. "So…do you still believe?" Kaiya frowned in confusion.

"Believe?" she repeated. "Believe what?"

"In love," he answered pointedly. "That's the golden question, the one you're here to answer." Kaiya closed her eyes, a grin sliding across her face. Finally, she nodded.

"I…I do," she answered. "I still believe in love." Sasuke nodded, cupping her cheek with a warm hand.

"Just be warned: Love comes with sacrifice. Sacrifice can either breed hatred or redemption. The real test comes when light and darkness clash, and you're forced to pick a side. Don't forsake your heart, just because it's been broken. It will give you the right answer if you let it." And with that, Sasuke faded, giving Kaiya one last smirk before everything turned black.

…

Kaiya's eyes opened slowly. She blinked the blurriness away to see Sakura hovering over her, using medical ninjutsu to heal her extensive wounds. From what she could tell, most of it had been done, thanks to Jin's chakra aiding her in the process, as well as Katsuyu. She glanced around to see Team Guy and a newly healed Hinata around her as well.

"Kaiya!" Sakura shouted, her voice full of relief, once she saw her awaken. "Oh, thank goodness. I wasn't sure you were going to make it at first."

"Hey," she greeted weakly, a small grin on her face. "What'd I miss?"

"Naruto has just defeated the sixth Pain," Katsuyu announced at that moment. Kaiya's eyes widened, and she winced.

"Try not to move," Sakura scolded, taking her eyes off of Kaiya to look at the Fifth's summoning. Everyone looked surprised. How long have I been out? Kaiya wondered. She couldn't explain her relief. If anything had happened to Naruto, well…she'd already lost Kakashi to Pain. She wouldn't be able to bear it.

"Where…is he?" Katsuyu turned to Kaiya. She didn't have any eyes, which creeped Kaiya out, to be honest, so it was impossible to read the slug.

"He's looking for the real Pain," she explained. "He's already located him." Kaiya's eyebrows furrowed. She couldn't lift her head, so she could mostly only stare at the sky. After Neji demanded that Katsuyu lead them to Naruto, Katsuyu seemed to lower her head. "He wants to go alone." Kaiya chuckled softly, though it hurt. That knucklehead is always trying to prove himself…he should let the others go with him. She frowned. Then again…knowing him, he's probably going to try and talk some sense into Pain. I don't know if it'll work, but…I believe in him. Her smile returned.

…

When Kaiya was able to stand up, she flexed her limbs, before walking back towards where she left Kakashi. Sakura frowned.

"You're…you're not going after him?" she asked. "I thought that you of all people…" Kaiya shook her head, staring up at the sky before glancing at the desolation around her.

"No," she replied, letting out a deep sigh. "Naruto's already defeated the six Pains that attacked the village, and now he's going after the real one. I have a feeling he's not looking for a fight. Even though I know he's exhausted by now, I have faith that he'll be alright. I only got in the way, but Naruto…he's not a kid anymore. He can handle himself well enough; I don't have to protect him from every little thing like I did a long time ago. Besides, I don't want to push myself at this point." Sakura let Kaiya go without saying anything else, though she wanted to know where her sudden burst of confidence came from.

Choji was still kneeling next to his father when Kaiya returned. He looked up at her in question, sniffling as he wiped his nose. Kaiya turned away and knelt next to Kakashi. She absentmindedly ran her fingers through his silver locks, regretting that she couldn't tell him just how important he was to her. Now, it was too late. Once again, she had to drink from the bitter cup of regret.

"I…" She laid her head on his chest, tears running down her face. She thought about all the years she spent with Kakashi right beside her, all the things she learned from him. He sacrificed so much for her, and she repaid him by distancing herself, running away. She used to think that he was invincible, that he could never die. Back then she was a child, but now she was a shinobi who saw death and who understood that life doesn't have happy endings. Those most deserving of death are the ones who live the longest; those who have done good for the world only die in vain.

But no. His death wasn't in vain. Neither was Asuma's, or Jiraiya's, or Itachi's, nor her father's. They were stepping stones on the path stained with light. They were paving a road for her to follow, a road of hope and of forgiveness. She swore that she'd walk that path, just as her father did before her.

Choji joined her, and soon several others came as well, but she paid no mind to them. Clenching Kakashi's shirt tightly in her fists, Kaiya whispered, "I…I love you, Kakashi." Her heart was so heavy, her mind so occupied, and her body still weak from before that she didn't notice the bright, blue beam that shot into Kakashi from above. Suddenly, a gloved hand gently touched her own, wrapping around it as a sudden pulse drummed in her ear.

"I love you too, Kaiya." Her eyes widened and she jumped back, her jaw slack from the sight of seeing a very-alive Kakashi smiling at her behind his facemask.

"K-Kakashi?!" She backed away quickly, allowing him to sit up. Tears once again ran down her face steadily, but they were tears of joy, confusion. She didn't know what had just happened, but she didn't care. Kakashi was alive!

Without warning, Kaiya tackled her silver-haired guardian, squeezing the life out of him—even though he'd just gotten it back. At first the young man was hesitant; then, with a light laugh, he wrapped his arms around the sixteen-year-old girl, holding her close. One of Kaiya's hands slipped behind his head as she buried her head into his chest. She'd never felt so ridiculous, but she wanted to let him know how relieved she was that he was alive.

"I thought I lost you," she whispered shakily. Kakashi smiled, letting out a heavy breath. He was glad she was alright. He was afraid she'd gone and done something reckless, harming herself in the process.

"You're going to have to do a lot more than kill me if you want to get rid of me," he laughed. Kaiya smiled, laughing and crying as she began to tell him everything that had happened.

…

"Kaiya!" Kakashi let Naruto off of his back when they made it back to the edge of the woods, and he immediately ran—well, stumbled—to his best friend. Kaiya's eyes lit up, and they embraced.

"Naruto! I'm so glad you're alright." He chuckled coyly.

"I should be sayin' that to you." He frowned suddenly, pulling back and slapping her lightly on the cheek. Kaiya's eyes widened, and she was about to hit him back, but he didn't give her a chance. "You idiot! I told you not to fight him!" But there was no real heat behind his words—mostly because he was exhausted. Kaiya blushed, clearing her throat as she looked away.

"You were right, Naruto," she agreed, shocking the both of them. "I just couldn't let my best friend fight alone. Akatsuki already took Asuma and Kakashi away from me, and I thought…you're the one person I couldn't lose. But of course, you saved everyone. You're a hero—my hero." She kissed him lightly on the cheek, grinning as the multitudes of villagers rushed up to him before he could say anything else.

As Naruto was getting swallowed by the crowd—much to Kaiya's and Kakashi's amusement—the two talked amongst themselves, reminiscing of a time when Naruto was just a dimwitted Genin with no talent and no motivation other than to beat Sasuke at everything he did.

"Told you he'd be a hero someday," Kaiya taunted, smirking as her best friend was being exalted by the villagers as their savior. Kakashi nodded, resting an arm on her shoulder, like he used to do when she was younger.

"Ok, I admit it…you were right, Kaiya. But I did say that he was going to get himself into a lot of trouble, so that makes me right too, you know." Kaiya pouted, and Kakashi grinned.

…

"Glad to see you doing ok, Kaiya," Shikamaru said, grasping his crutches so tightly his knuckles turned white. "We heard that you might've been dead. I'm not sure I would've been able to handle that, ya know?" Kaiya smiled.

"I'm glad to hear that, Shikamaru," she told him. "You should probably get off of that leg for a while. You don't want to make it worse." Shikamaru, as if just noticing his broken leg, looked down.

"Oh, right! Uh…yeah, I'll do that." Kaiya nodded. It's not like he wasn't thinking about laying down anyway; he'd do that even if he wasn't injured. He grinned. "See ya."

Kaiya wanted to be alone for a while—a long while. She was exhausted from clearing debris all day, and she needed a break. She hadn't had much time to think about much of anything, especially her latest dream. She'd much rather not think about it, but that would defeat its purpose. In the dream, Sasuke said the point was to realize her resolve—to protect the people she loved to her dying breath. But what she didn't quite get about the whole 'deepest part of her heart' thing was why did it appear in the first place? Was each dream a sign of what was to come? Did they have something to do with her prophecy? Or was it simply her subconscious bringing up current issues?

Either way, she didn't have very long to elaborate on them, because she was interrupted by a hooded, masked ANBU. "Kaiya Umachi." She frowned, glaring at the officer in annoyance. She was told Tsunade was in a coma, so she didn't understand why a Black Op would be sending messages when the Hokage was out of commission.

"What is it?" she asked. She didn't like the vibe he was giving off, so she made sure to be extra wary of him. Something seems off about him…maybe it's just Tsunade's condition that has him on edge. She didn't know why he was there, but she figured she probably wouldn't like the answer. If he gave her one, that is.

"The Hokage requests your presence." Alarms sounded off in her head. If Tsunade was in a coma, how the hell could she summon her? She couldn't have woken up so fast, right? It'd only been a day.

"Lady Tsunade is in a coma," she said, turning to walk away. The officer bowed his head.

"Tsunade is no longer the Hokage," he informed her starkly. Kaiya froze; her back stiffened. "This village is in a crucial state now, and it needs a conscious leader to ensure its safety as we rebuild." He said 'we' like he actually took part in reconstructing. His voice was dark and low, but there was clearly a threatening intent behind it. Kaiya's eyebrows furrowed.

"So who is it? Who's the new Hokage?"

"Lord Danzo," he answered. Her blood ran cold as her eyes widened.

"Don't you think that's a little messed up, considering the fact that Tsunade's in a coma because she saved—" Kaiya stopped, her eyes narrowing as she gritted her teeth. Danzo…the one who told Sai to assassinate Sasuke and me…the one who gave Itachi the mission to slay his clan, the one whose ideals opposed the Third Hokage. This guy screams bad news…why the hell is he the new Hokage?

"What does that bastard want with me?" she muttered, crossing her arms. She had her back turned to the officer, but she sensed it when he pulled out his katana and tried to attack her. She quickly drew Kurokaji and blocked the sword, severing the blade from the hilt. She was sure he had a shocked expression behind his mask.

"Don't talk about Lord Danzo in that way," he growled, "or you'll regret it." She scoffed.

"Well, he's already tried to have me killed…I don't think there's anything worse he can really do." She smirked. "Heh. Now get the hell out of my face, or you'll regret it. I don't have any qualms about hurting one of Danzo's men. You're no comrade of mine." She flashed golden eyes as a warning to let him know she meant business. The ground beneath them trembled, the dirt shifting slightly. He backed off slowly, tossing away what was left of his katana.

"Lord Danzo requests your presence," he said again, this time more polite. "He wishes to speak with you about your future, as well as the future of this village. He has something for you, a gift. Now let's go." Kaiya narrowed her eyes, but she followed nonetheless.

Whatever he wants to give me, it can't be anything good. And it can't be without an ulterior motive.

And I'm here now feeling the pain of a thousand hearts

Been to hell and back again

I won't take this.