Breaking into a cold sweat, I pulled myself out of Sigma and threw my clothes back on.

"Where is it!" I cried. "Where is this, this..." I almost said abomination. "This thing?"

"Parenting jitters," Sigma giggled as she pulled her dress on, zipping up the front. "This is so cute!"

Grabbing my hand, she lead me into Hydroponics.

"It's here?"

"Yes, Jason. We've had it hidden in the rice field, under incubating lights."

She dragged me down a path to a section of swampy pools, stopping at the shattered remains of a white shell half buried in the dirt, framed with heat lamps. I guess somehow they figured out how to rig them up without electrocuting the egg.

"Where is it!" I cried. "Where's the baby?"

She gave my hand a reassuring squeeze. "Don't worry. We'll find it."

"It's in the med lab," said a nearby squid creature. "Congratulations, Jason. It's a boy."

I felt like throwing up. "Let's...go...to the med lab, then."

We raced down the hall, hurrying through the doorway of the mini hospital, where a labcoated figure stood staring at a green lump inside one of those clear baby containers they use in maternity wards at hospitals.

Feeling I was getting close to having a heart attack, or maybe an ulcer, I let Sigma drag me closer and closer, until I stared down into the box.

The green I had seen from the doorway was a pile of plant leaves. Saline poured down a tube hidden under one large leaf, and oxygen from one of those wall mounted medical purifying things puffed down another. For a moment, I glanced at the clear canister on the wall, watching the accordion-like bellows moving up and down, then my attention got directed back to the green lump.

Sal pulled the leafy swaddling away, and I found myself staring in horror at a pale skinned four armed mutant. Round, bulbous head, widely spaced eyes, disturbingly flat nose, the beginning of tusks protruding from the skin on its face like baby teeth I didn't even want to think about the strange genitalia.

"Your son. We found him crawling around in a rice paddy."

Here and there, I could see strange green splotches peppering the otherwise pinkish skin, like some sort of mulatto.

"This might sound stupid, but why do you have it on IVs and oxygen if it can crawl?"

She looked sad. "He didn't crawl far. He's very weak."

But then the sad expression suddenly turned happy, like someone had flipped a switch on in her brain. "Anyways, this is your baby! Isn't that exciting?"

"How is that my baby? It doesn't even look like me."

"Actually, I think it does, though it has its mothers arms and still looks slightly green. The face...In fact, I did a check of your DNA and the infant's just to make sure. Congratulations, dad."

"But that's impossible! She died! She only got sick! There's no way! She didn't even show signs of being pregnant!"

Sal shrugged. "She was wearing a lot of blankets and skins. That's probably why you didn't see it. I bet you didn't know that Tharks lay their fertilized eggs in ponds and leave them there to grow."

"That...thing...has my DNA."

Sal nodded. "But it's more than a thing. It's life. It's your son. It's a symbol of Ibira's love! You have to keep it. For her sake."

The speech seemed entirely out of place for a doctor to be telling her patient, or patient's parents. I eyed her with suspicion. "Are you just saying that to get him off your hands?"

"Yes. No. Okay, yeah. It's been screaming ever since we brought it here."

I stared at Sigma. "It hatched...yesterday?"

"I've checked it every day. I was going to check it today...but it's an egg! I thought it was never going to hatch."

Sal nodded. "We moved the monitor and switched it on, in hopes you'd come running. Thank God. It doesn't like me breastfeeding it, it leaves slime everywhere, and frankly it's kind of creepy. No offense."

I was understandably horrified beyond words. "You breastfed...my baby?"

I could see her blushing. "I would have used formula, but we...don't have any, and the milk from the cafeteria...he won't drink it. It doesn't like bottles. At least not yet. He's not used to it." The blush deepened. "So yeah. I mean, nobody else wanted to do it, and you were busy, and Ibira was dead. The baby was practically starving to death..."

"I get it," I groaned. I paused a moment. "You said I was busy. Why is that important?"

"Well, um, Thark males can lactate. I asked Ibira about...some things, and she said since you had uztoto shot into your system, maybe you can do it too. Admittedly, it was a stretch, but you never know...Have you experienced any swelling or sensitivity on or around your nipples?"

"Not...yet." My face flushed with embarrassment.

Kind of awkwardly, I blurted, "Thank you."

"Not a problem. You're lucky that I've been pregnant before."

I stared at the infant creature with a mixture of intense pity and extreme loathing. Neither one of us made a sound as we stared at one another.

"That's the quietest I've ever seen it."

With a slight shudder, I picked it up and held it, deeply disturbed by how the slick Caucasian colored Thark skin encased the human body fat, and the sensation of tiny tusks and a human nose and chin poking me simultaneously.

A small hand reached for my right breast, pulling at the fabric that enclosed it.

I felt a tingling there, but I hoped and prayed that it was only placebo effect.

I scowled at Sigma. "How come you didn't mention this to me during your little `suicide attempt'?"

Sal's eyes widened as she stared at my new girlfriend. "You tried to commit suicide?"

Sigma crossed her arms, giving me this look that said `Seriously? You want to play that card?' "Don't worry. We used protection."

The elf stifled a giggle. "For a minute there, I was starting to worry about you!"

I rolled my eyes, silently said `Liar' to my lover with a facial expression.

The baby kept playing with my shirt, grabbing at my nipples. I really didn't anything would come out, but it was trying damn hard to get things happening.

I handed the baby to Sal. "Can you...take care of him for awhile? I need...some time to think."

She nodded. "Sure. Take all the time you need."

The baby took this as a cue to start crying.

"Well, actually, try to hurry it up. But I know decisions about this kind of thing take time."

With a nod, I hurried to the door.

My new girlfriend turned to follow me, but she stopped in her tracks when someone on a radio said, "Sigma Webavsa to the technology room please. The computers are down again. Over."

Looking flustered, she grabbed a nearby phone, pushing the talk button. "On my way." She hurried out past me.

I staggered out into the hallway, blindly wandering around until I had reached the cafeteria.

It was empty except for Osmifa, who sat staring at a little tablet computer, poking buttons on some Tetris-like game. "Congratulations. I heard."

I was still not used to speaking to Osmifa in...its male form. "Uh, yeah. Thanks, I guess."

I frowned at the table.

"What's the matter?"

"Nothing. Well, a lot, actually. It's just...this baby."

I shook my head in frustration. "I can't have a baby! Babies need constant supervision!"

"It's okay. There's an exception for that in the handbook. The company gives you just enough time to find a...a caretaker."

"I hope I can find one," I grumbled.

This thing was mine. I was the father. The fact was sinking in, slowly but surely.

"What am I going to do? I can't just walk around Kansas City with this thing cradled in my arms! What will my parents think? For that matter, what will anyone think?"

"Perhaps you should move out. This isn't the kind of thing that you can keep secret for very long."

"I...but...what will I do? Where will I keep it so people don't find out and management decides to fire me?"

Osmifa grinned. "They won't fire you. You can keep it here. Or, you can...disguise it, you know, keep it kind of under wraps a bit. I'm not saying stuff it in a closet, but maybe when you take it out in public, you could, I don't know, mask it a little?"

"Ibira wouldn't approve of all this hiding," I muttered.

"To thine own heart be true."

"I'm not sure that's the best philosophy I could be having. Look where it's taken me so far."

Osmifa shrugged. "I'm just trying to help. I think you ought to have a pretty good idea of my position on abortion, especially this late in the game."

I slumped in my chair. "Ibira prayed to her goddess, asking for this child. I'm not saying I believe in all that, but..."

Osmifa paused for a moment in thought. "My host and I agree. Her goddess has no power. But our god, the Almighty, has a brilliant sense of humor."

"Ha ha," I groaned.

"Have you named it yet?"

I gulped. That was the furthest thing from my mind. This creature, this abomination, needs a name?

"I...think I'll call him Sin."

Osmifa grimaced. "Sin. Seriously?"

"Uh, wasn't there a guy in the bible with that name? Like a son of Adam or Noah? Old Testament, right?"

"That's Shem, baby." The girlish tone was an ill fit for the mouth of a male host body. I cringed.

"Um..." I sighed. "How about Ahab? Or Saul?"

"You're going for the whole corrupt evil tyrant thing, aren't you?"

"Maybe?"

"Saul's a good name. That's what the apostle Paul used to be called."

I frowned. "Um...I think I'm leaning towards Haman."

"Another wicked king." Osmifa shook his head. "Jason, did you and Ibira ever talk about having a baby?"

I sighed and nodded.

"What did she say?"

"She really wanted us to have one. It was almost like a dream of hers."

"So why are you giving it such a nasty name?"

I cried a little. "It killed her!"

"Would Ibira be this mean to her baby?"

"No..." I whimpered. "...Maybe Paul is a good name. Paul...Qurtoth Finch."

The next day, I explained my situation to the new boss.

At first, Necel was shocked, but quickly got over it. "I understand completely, I will schedule a week of maternity leave for you at once."

"Wait," I protested. "Maternity leave? Not to be ungrateful, but wouldn't that be unfair to the ladies?"

"Jason," Necel sighed. "You're taking care of a newborn baby all by yourself. What do you want?"

And so, with much embarrassment, I accepted the plan.

It was a week of washing and changing diapers and bringing him to Sal to be fed.

Awkward.

Sal really didn't seem to be interested in me at all. She just...enjoyed nursing the baby, I guess, so I let her, cringing as I recalled portions of The Hand that Rocks the Cradle.

I quickly pushed those thoughts away, accepting any help I could get.

Obviously, I couldn't take junior outside, because he didn't have the thing in his lungs, so, for days, I just carried him around the building and tried my best to be a good father.

A few days after my acceptance of this parental responsibility, I took him to hydroponics, setting him on my lap as I sat on a bench, watching the squid things planting stuff.

Noticing the boy's excited gurgling, a few of the Ishuca joined me on the bench, playing with him for awhile.

I really, really didn't want to think about the tingling sensations running through my chest. Or the amount of food and drink I ingested at the cafeteria.

Placebo effect, I kept telling myself. Plus there are two creatures taking up residence in my body. Hence the increased caloric intake.

That night, the baby wouldn't stop screaming. I took him to Sal, I changed him, and washed him, but nothing seemed to help.

As I sat in the cafeteria, bouncing it up and down on my lap, I heard Sigma say, "I see you're having trouble with the baby."

I nodded, staring at her shiny red dress.

For a moment, I was speechless, remembering how she had unzipped that outfit for me the day before. "I can't figure out what he wants."

"I think I know."

I gratefully passed Haman to her, and she dug some sort of salve out of a pocket in her dress, applying it to my baby's little tusks. "I hear this helps somewhat. You might also put some bark in his crib to rub against."

She grinned. "Paul."

"You know," I stammered. "I...um, need some...kind of domestic partner. I'm basically a single dad. And you, you know a lot more about this kind of stuff than I do. Can you please be Haman's mommy?"

She laughed. "For a minute there, I thought you were going to ask me to marry you."

"I am!" I cried. "I mean, that is, I didn't know this type of thing was possible until now, so-"

"I'm pregnant."

I paled. "What! But we just did it a couple days ago! How can you be sure of anything?"

"I just had a checkup with Sal. Did you know she has cameras that can see into the uterus and watch eggs develop the moment they're fertilized?"

My stomach lurched with the terror I felt. "So...you're not going to die."

"No," she giggled. "It's so wonderful! The zygotes went exactly where they're supposed to. Successful fertilization. No adverse affects. Paul is going to have a sibling!"

"You're kidding me."

"No."

I fell to my knees. "Then I have to marry you. It's only right."

"Yes. If I'm going to be taking care of your rugrats, you're going to have to take care of me."

I sighed. "When I first met Ibira, I told her I believed in waiting until after marriage to have sex. I thought it would be different with a space alien." I shook my head. "I'm just a no good sinner."

"We have a chapel on the premises, you know."

I swallowed. "That place scares me."

"No, I meant the one downstairs. The one Osmifa goes to."

I gave her a silent nod, resigned to my fate.

[0000]

Author's note:

In case you're wondering, the name `DOGOS' derives from a character in Nintendo's Magic of Scherzerade. It never gets explained in the story, but there it is.

The working title of this story is Cleaning My Apartment, because now that it's all posted online, my junk collection is missing one large box of hastily scribbled notes.

I had this whole thing written in shorthand a few months after I saw Avatar, and John Carter. Then I abandoned it to work on other projects for a few years until I discovered that thrives on stories that can be posted one chunk at a time. I could post bits and pieces of it, and see what people think before posting more.

I wrote this thing completely out of the desire to piss all over James Cameron's work.

You see, I had written a novel previously, and I noticed that his movie bore a suspicious resemblance to my own work. Too suspicious, in fact.

However, I didn't realize at the time that James Cameron also produced movies like Alien, The Terminator and The Abyss, which I had been borrowing from heavily without even realizing it. I didn't come to grips with this fact until I finished writing what you see here.

At any rate, I couldn't afford to sue at the time, even if it had been a good idea, and more violent approaches would send me to prison, so I took out my aggression by means of fiction.

I really don't know where I can take this story from here. I'd really need to find another fictional universe that I knew a lot about and hated intensely to come up with anything by which to continue this insane project.

I've been tossing around the idea of a DOGOS project in the realm of Harry Potter, but I really can't see that working out.

If there is any demand for this stuff after all the disgusting sex scenes and cussing and paradoxically biblical soap box moments, I might be persuaded to add another chapter to this, but I've run out of shorthand manuscript pieces, so I'd be stringing things out a bit thin.

Maybe someone will write a fanfic about this some day, but I doubt it.

If they do, I hope someone lets me know so I can read it. I enjoy a good laugh.

As stated previously, if you have complaints, or see any plot holes, loose ends, typos or glitches in any of the chapters, let me know. I tried to catch them as soon as I could, but my writerly radar is not 100 percent perfect.