Santana grunted, idly circling a potential house as Charlie worked out a particularly painful knot in her foot. The only good thing about being pregnant thus far was that Charlie seemed to be devoted to pampering her as much as possible. It was nice, even though Charlie was torturing herself at the gym she made a special effort to spend every spare second trying to make Santana's life easier.
"What about Godiva?" Charlie asks, breaking the silence. It's her new favorite game, suggesting the most ridiculous names she can think of.
Harper looks up from the table where she's doing her homework. "You've got to be kidding." She deadpans, looking completely unimpressed.
"You'd better be kidding. There's no way I'm naming my kid after chocolate." Santana doesn't look up from the paper their real estate agent sent over.
"Pancetta, then?" Charlie smirks.
Santana swats her with the paper, unimpressed with Charlie's new long-running joke. "Are you just going to keep suggesting food names?"
"The baby can't be named after food, not even if it's bacon." Harper agrees, but Charlie can tell by the way she's biting her lip that she had been considering it.
"Don't even think about suggesting Bacon," Santana insists looking at Charlie suspiciously. She's rewarded with a lazy smile from her mate.
"I'm suggesting food names cause I'm starving. How about I make us some—"
"No mom, you're not allowed to make mac and cheese anymore. That's the rules remember?" Harper interrupts making a face. For some odd reason Santana had started eating the stuff which meant that they were having it a lot more.
"I was going to add bacon bits to it," Charlie offers but she doesn't get an impressed look from her daughter. "Fine maybe we can order something healthy, I can't keep eating take-out. Puck's about to blow a vessel."
"That's an aneurysm right Santana?" Harper asks.
"Yep," Santana flashes a smile at Harper. "Now hurry up with that homework so you can help me pick out houses that the real estate agent sent over. See which one you like. I don't trust your mother with these things. She doesn't have any taste whatsoever."
Charlie huffs at this, so her decorating skills left something to be desired. It wasn't her fault that she just preferred to keep things simple. "I liked how the bedroom looked before you moved all your stuff in it. There's barely any room in the closet for my things."
"Our closet is tiny. That's why we need a very spacious walk-in. At the very least a closet we can expand. I have more clothes than you and more stuff than you did." Santana reminds her and shakes her head. She did have far too much stuff, some of which she hadn't unpacked yet.
Charlie's about to retort when Santana's phone rings. Harper programmed her phone a few days ago with personalized ring tones and she's had several calls to identify exactly who that one belongs to.
Santana frowns but answers the phone quickly. She's been avoiding her mother for weeks and if she ignores her, she'll just keep calling. They haven't told anyone about the baby yet, she's still processing, but she knows she's not going to have much longer to keep this to herself. "Mami," she greets half-heartedly. "I was just about to give you a call back," she lies.
Harper glances at Santana for a second before looking at her mom who shrugs her shoulders. She had only gotten to meet her grandparents a few times before her parents had basically decided to avoid everyone like the plague. It was weird not being able to tell Beth what was going on. She was going to be a big sister and her parents were acting like it was no big deal.
"Uh—sure you can stop by anytime you like to see Harper, just give Charlie a call first to make sure it doesn't conflict with her schedule. The hospital has been so hectic lately it's been hard keeping on top of everything," Another lie, she had stopped doing thirty-six hour shifts just because she could. "Speaking of, I just came back to make sure Charlie and Harper weren't eating mac and cheese again, I actually have to get everything done and head back to work soon. So I'll talk to you later." With that Santana tosses her phone on the table and flops back on the couch. "Disaster diverted."
Charlie shakes her head and runs her finger along Santana's legs. "Right, cause lying to them was the best thing to do."
"Well, it's better than your strategy of avoiding them till they leave you alone. How's that working out for you?"
"Well actually, I can get away with just talking to my mom and she doesn't ask about you. She talks business most of the time," Charlie waves her hand. "As for Quinn, well I only talk to them when I absolutely have to. It's a long standing tradition of avoidance, and it's been working really well for me for the last ten years."
"Has it really?" Santana challenges immediately. Maybe if Charlie and Quinn had hung out more then they would have met a few years earlier. Before Charlie had decided to make this fighting thing a career. At least she had managed to wrangle out a deal with her mate, if Charlie lost she had to retire. There was the off chance that her mate would continue to win, so Charlie had put a limit on her wins as well. The record for the most title defenses was ten and Charlie wanted to do twelve before retiring.
"Well, for the most part," Charlie responds taking Santana's hand. "But there are somethings that I would like to go back in the past and change." She brings Santana's hand to her lips kissing it gently.
"Gross! I like it better when you two argue," Harper speaks up. At least there was no kissing and making weird faces at one another.
"I thought you said it was romantic." Charlie throws back playfully. She likes everything about her relationship with Santana and she wouldn't change it for the world.
Santana rolls her eyes and turns back to her the paper in front of her. "It's like I already have two children." She mutters, the twinkle in her eye and the small tug at the corner of her lips betraying her amusement.
~0~
"Maribel, you know how it was for the first year that we were mated. So she's avoiding us, when we weren't at school we were basically locked up in your room or mine. This is hardly the end of the world." Carlos frowned as Maribel managed to time it perfectly grabbing the security door that someone had left open. "Let's just let them enjoy each other's company."
"Enjoy each other's company?" Maribel spat in disbelief. "Do you even hear yourself? Our daughter lied to us."
"She told us she was working." Carlos reminded her. It was hardly a lie, he had told his own mother far more extravagant stories when they first mated. "That's hardly—"
"She's avoiding us, she blatantly lied to my face and the only way I ever would have known was by going to the hospital and checking for myself."
Carlos frowned. "And we did far worse when we were first mated."
"That isn't the same. We were children." She knew she should have trusted her instincts. Charlie was a terrible influence on her daughter, and she was going to figure out what was happening tonight come hell or high water. Maribel turns briskly only to realize that the entire Fabray clan was standing in front of the elevators staring at her. "They're having a family get together?" For once Maribel Lopez didn't know what to say, her mind immediately going to the worst possible scenario; Santana was embarrassed by them.
"Nope, this is an intervention," Beth answered holding up the sign she had made for her aunt. "Aunt Charlie's disappeared and I haven't seen Harper in forever, well except at school and she's being really weird there."
Rachel groaned, "Beth you can't just go informing people of that, it's a private family matter," she admonishes gently.
"An intervention?" Carlos repeats slowly wondering if there was some drug abuse that he wasn't aware of.
"A sex-intervention," Judy clarifies. "Puck has noticed that Charlie's focus hasn't been where it should be and she's overly tired. Honestly you know how it is when you mate, how you can't get enough of your mate. This is just a friendly reminder that they both have responsibilities and they can't shirk them simply because they're mates. We had to do it with Rachel and Quinn back in the day, they were both missing a lot of classes."
"You're intervening?" Maribel asks turning to Russell finding it hard to believe. He seemed to be pretty hands off with his kid.
Russell shrugged, "Of course I am, I put money down on her next fight. If she's not giving her training her all—well I don't lose money graciously."
Maribel snorted at that. "That seems more like the Russell Fabray I know."
Russell smirks, and nods towards Quinn, "She's just annoyed that Charlie and Santana have been searching for a new place and decided not to go through her. I think that they simply have far too much going on."
"After everything I've done for both of them, the least they can do is give me a little professional courtesy." Quinn grumbled. She's practically broken her back trying to get Charlie a good deal on her apartment, and now they choose to go with someone else? It was insulting.
"See Mari, it's not just us Santana is avoiding." Carlos nudged his wife playfully.
Rachel tried not flash an amused smile, Charlie always avoided family engagements unless free food was being offered. She gently pushes Beth into the elevator, "Well, I'm sure once we explain our position the ship will right itself."
"I feel like I should make a sex joke here," Carlos notes, only to have Maribel slap him lightly in the chest. "What? It was like the perfect setup."
"Don't be a child." Maribel admonishes. She does feel slightly better that Santana's avoidance can potentially be written off as typical bonding excitement. It's still completely unacceptable, but maybe Carlos had been right all along. But if they had been having nonstop sex where did that leave Harper? It's definitely a question that needed to be asked. The elevator dings and the doors slide open, it's enough to pull her attention for a moment but she needed to remain focused.
"So remember, the thing is we shouldn't be too confrontational," Rachel reminds them. "You know how Charlie is about confrontation and Santana for that matter—no offense." The last thing she needed was a particularly vicious roasting from Santana.
"Harper said her mom hasn't ever even talked to her about sex. She just threw a book at her and mumbled about being safe and respectful, so Aunt Charlie might get embarrassed." Beth observes helpfully.
"Well," Quinn begins flicking an eye over to her father. "It's probably a better education than we got on the topic."
"Both of my daughters are now mated to very ambitious and successful omegas. As much as you both like to blame your father and I, we clearly weren't terrible failures." Judy retorts on Russell's behalf.
Beth rolls her eyes and knocks on the door of Charlie's apartment before the adults can start to argue some more. She knew that look in her mom's eye and she didn't want any part of it. Maybe she could escape with Harper and they could do something together. It takes a moment and just before she's about to knock on the door again the door swings open and Beth grins at her Aunt Charlie. "Hey Aunt Charlie! Save me."
Charlie glances at her niece for a moment wordlessly before noting that there were far too many people at her door. Immediately she grabs Beth and pulls her inside before closing the door before anyone else can move. "There was just a bunch of crazy people at the door San, nothing to worry about." Charlie patted Beth's shoulder. "Managed to rescue Beth from the hordes of crazy people though."
A loud bang reverberates through the apartment. "We can hear you, asshole." Quinn's voice follows.
Santana frowns from her spot on the couch. It had been such a nice day. "Maybe if we ignore them, then they will go away?"
"Santana, open this door." Maribel pounded on the door for good measure.
"Wait, when you said crazy, you meant all the crazy?"
"Yes, your parents are outside as well," Charlie answers. "Hey Harper, Beth's here." Charlie calls out and shuffles back to the living room where she can continue to rub Santana's feet for her.
"Can we escape?" Santana asks, cursing Charlie for getting an apartment on the top floor.
"I think it's too late." Charlie responds only to hear the front door being unlocked. She freezes for a moment before making a mad dash only to see her daughter betraying them by inviting their family inside. "Harper how could you?"
"Someone had to act like an adult." Harper mutters. Her mom and Santana were ridiculous. It wasn't the end of the world, it was a baby.
"Santana, this has gone on long enough. I'm your mother and—" Maribel stops short, shocked. "Santana!"
Charlie grimaces. "Surprise?"
"She's pregnant." Quinn's eyes are as wide as saucers. "You got her pregnant? You haven't even been mated for a few months!" She had remembered Santana's rants about being pregnant and having babies in general. She hadn't known what to expect when it came to her twin and Santana but this was certainly not high on that list.
"I'm good at what I do." Charlie shrugs.
Santana kicks her foot out, playfully hitting Charlie in the stomach. "Too good." She stands. "So now you know the secret. Congrats. Can you guys leave?"
"Leave?" Carlos floated across the room and swept Santana up in a warm hug. "I'm about to be a grandfather, again. This is the best day of my life." He dropped his daughter and turned to her mate, pulling her tight against him. "Thanks for making an honest woman out of my daughter."
Charlie glances at Santana who rolls her eyes and finally shifts on the couch so she can sit up. "See I told you it was your fault."
Charlie pats Carlos on the back awkwardly, she wasn't big on this whole hugging thing. She liked to hug Santana and her daughter and that was about it. "Uh—"
Rachel blinked at Santana, "How did this happen?"
Santana smirked at her, "Well Rachel, when two mates love each other very much—"
"When were you going to tell us?" Judy interrupts immediately turning to her daughter and swatting her arm. "Or were you just going to show up at our doorstep again with a baby in hand?" She doesn't wait for an answer instead choosing to walk right up to Santana and wrap her arms around her, ignoring Santana's clear discomfort. "How far along are you?"
"Three months?" Santana offers after a moment. "That was when my last heat was anyway," she shrugs. "We just didn't want this big thing just yet. I mean we just got mated the last thing we need is people showing up all the time uninvited." Santana adds the last part making a dig at all the people in their apartment.
"So that's why you're looking for a bigger place?" Quinn asked it was a stupid question of course Charlie and Santana needed a bigger place for their family. "Maybe you can move into a Brownstone? You know there's a place across the street from us. Five bedrooms, three and a half bathrooms, recently renovated. It's still in this neighborhood so you wouldn't have to move far and it's a pretty safe area. You'll get a backyard."
Santana glanced at Charlie, they needed to get the hell out of here. Charlie nods and Santana can't help but smile, they really didn't need words to communicate. So instead she turns to her mother hoping to cause enough of a distraction for Charlie to make her way out with Harper. "Mami—say something?" Santana nudges watching as Charlie nudges Harper and tilts her head to the door. She flicks her eyes to her mother.
"I'm going to be a grandmother again?" Maribel asks, she can smell it but having Santana verbally confirm it, that's another thing entirely. At this point she had given up hope that her daughter was ever going to have her own child. "A baby?"
Santana groaned inwardly, "Yeah, we're having a baby. Charlie got me pregnant. I'm still furious at her which is why she's been pampering me non-stop for weeks. I'm being taken care of," she promises her mother.
"So you're the reason my daughter's been so distracted," Russell muses for once unsure how to take this information. Lauren had given Charlie some difficulty and her fight in three months—Charlie was distracted.
"You really need to get help for your gambling addiction, you're having another grandkid and that's what you're thinking about?" Maribel snaps at him.
Russell rolled his eyes and looked at Maribel, "Of course it's what I'm thinking about. My daughter shouldn't be fighting while Santana is in this condition, I don't want her to get hurt because her mind isn't in it. I don't care about the quarter of a million dollars I put in this. I just don't want Santana taking care of Charlie because she got put in traction trying to do too much at once."
"He's right, a new house, work, taking care of Harper. Making sure our daughter is well cared-for—maybe I should take some time to help," Carlos mused. It would mean that he'd get to spend time with his daughter during the happiest time of her life.
Quinn nods, "I don't trust that agent. I promise you that I can get a better deal. I have some properties that I manage, some of the owners are looking to sell—look you don't have to worry about it."
"And baby stuff, how have you not been shopping for baby stuff?"
Santana shifted on the couch, getting up when Charlie flashes her a smile, this was actually perfect, and with them bickering it would be easy to slip out. This couldn't have gone any better. "Because they have no room mom remember?" Quinn speaks up.
"And a shower, she needs to have a baby shower," Rachel muses mostly to herself. She had never gotten to throw one of those before and it seemed like it would be fun. Judy had thrown her one and now that Santana was going to experience the joys of pregnancy it would probably lift her spirits when she couldn't see her feet anymore.
The only person who seemed to notice Santana and Charlie's careful extraction plan was Beth. "Aunt Charlie?"
Charlie turns to her niece and grins at her, "Why don't you go play with Harper?" Charlie pats her niece on the shoulder, well she had already rescued her once. Beth rolls her eyes but does as she's told, surprised when Harper quietly tugs her out the front door.
"Or, here's a crazy idea you let Charlie and I pick out our own place? We've got a good real estate agent and I don't want a baby shower you know how much I hate being the center of attention," Santana drawls, narrowing her eyes when Charlie lets out a huge snort at that statement. "What?"
"Nothing?" Charlie responds quickly and holds up her hands when Santana doesn't quite drop it. "I mean you do sort of like being the center of attention. Face it Santana you like it when all eyes are on you especially mine."
"Excuse you? What did you say?"
"Charlie, maybe now would be a good time to—" Russell began; how could his daughter not see the danger involved right now? He had to wonder if it was possible that he had raised an idiot.
"I'm pretty sure you heard me," Charlie said smugly crossing her arms over her chest.
Russell stared at his daughter, he had most definitely raised an idiot.
"Well, I certainly hope that you enjoy the attention your hand is going to be giving you for the next month or so," Santana snips at Charlie her tone icy. "I need some air, I'm going for a walk."
She waits until the door is closed, since there's no reason for Santana to actually be mad at her. "Urgh. Pregnancy hormones, right?" She looks around at her parents for support.
"You are an idiot." Quinn shakes her head. "Seriously, what are you thinking? Go after her!"
"Fine. It might, uh, be a little while." Charlie runs her hand through her hair and turns to follow her mate. That had been way easier than she thought. Maybe if Beth hadn't started getting suspicious they could have slipped out for more sex. As it is, she's pretty much kidnapping her niece. "Just uh, make yourself comfortable we'll be right back." With that Charlie grabs her keys and puts them in her pocket before quickly slipping out the apartment and heading straight for the elevator, which is being held open by Harper and Beth. "Santana—wait! I was just kidding mostly!"
Santana rolls her eyes at Charlie's terrible acting as she pulls her mate into the elevator and motions for Harper to push the button for the garage. "Really? That's what you decided to go with?"
"Well, you know it's true," Charlie responds with a grin kissing her cheek. "You love it when—"
"Mom, gross. You promised to stop being gross in front of me," Harper insists immediately shaking her head in disgust.
"Uh—where are we going?" Beth asks, it's weird she never got to have fun like this and aunt Charlie never followed her parents rules. She got to eat whatever she wanted whenever she wanted and got to have as much fun as possible.
"You're our hostage," Harper informs Beth patting her back a smile on her face. "We need to find a place to hide out until everyone leaves."
"What we need is food," Santana speaks up causing Charlie to turn to her. "I'm craving bacon so maybe the diner? We haven't been this month have we?"
"No we haven't. You'll love this place Beth, best milkshakes. All you can eat bacon, awesome fries, and huge burgers. They even serve root beer floats."
"Plus they make all the desserts fresh, and they have really good pie and cake, oh and cupcakes. I really like the cupcakes."
Santana gently prods Charlie's side as they get off and head towards Charlie's truck. "Aren't you on a diet?"
"I'm making today my cheat day. Don't say anything to Puck, he'll murder me," Charlie grins at her mate. She hadn't been doing all that well this time when it came to her diet. But after this week it would be the last time she cheated on her diet.
Santana prodded Charlie's tummy again before shaking her head, she was going to start meeting Charlie at the gym. "Fine, but after today you're back on your diet. I'm serious, all because I can eat what I want doesn't mean that you get to. I'm pregnant and since I'm carrying your child the least you can do for me is keep those abs of yours, and all your upper body strength."
"Please stop being gross, we've got to go. I think they're getting suspicious," Harper said pointing at Beth's phone which was buzzing quietly.
"Okay everyone into the truck. We've got to go now," Santana orders opening the door for both Harper and Beth who immediately get inside. She closes the door before scrambling up to the passenger seat as Charlie starts the engine. So this was how Thelma and Louise felt, well at the very least they wouldn't be driving off a cliff.